Her Child Didn’t Want To Take Pictures & Her Body Language Said Everything..We Need To Talk

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:11]Is this abuse or discipline? Do you think she's disciplining her child? They wanted to take a picture. They went for a studio section to take photo shoots.

[00:00:20]And the child started throwing tantrums.

[00:00:22]You can see that she doesn't want to show in the video. She's not interested in the photography section. And this mother decides to go violent with her child. She was beating her child. Her facial expression, everything just showed that she was very irritated and frustrated by her attitude and she hits the child. She went ahead to post this video on the internet to actually cyber bully her child as well. What do you think? Do you think this is abuse or do you think this is discipline? Because some people are like "I don't do gentle parenting. I'm not going to allow myself to pay for a photo section and the child is not going to allow us to do this photo section. I'm going to stress myself and do makeup and all of that. And when it's time to take picture, my child is throwing tantrum.

[00:01:08]I'm not going to spoil my child because of anything. I don't do gentle parenting. I'm going to discipline you."

[00:01:14]Do you think this is a form of discipline or this is child abuse? Let me know what you think about this video down comment section while I watch people's reaction on this and I'll share my thoughts at the end of the video.

[00:01:37]If you're taking family photos alongside your husband and he's refusing to cooperate or do what you want him to do or smile or because I've worked as a photographer for a while and men tend to struggle in front of cameras a lot.

[00:01:47]And then I see how women struggle to massage this man's ego to make him smile. Sometimes they can even say ridiculous things to get the man to smile so the photographer could take those pictures in those candid moments where the man just maybe he's trying to laugh. and then that is when they get like oh the man loves them and they feel like the picture is worthy to be posted, okay? So, if you would not spank your husband in that manner when he refuses to comply with you taking photos, why do you think it's okay to do that to your children though? Because you have power over these children. So, you can see that this is just abuse.

[00:02:14]It's not a question of trying to correct somebody because if that was your husband, you would find other ways that he would be comfortable enough to take those photos with him. Other ways that are both respectful and kind and understanding or whatever.

[00:02:27]Even when this man is just trying to be a brat, you will find ways around it or at best you will cancel the shoot. But because it is your child that you have power over, you would rather spank this child regardless of thinking of what that hit would do to that child. And this baby is crying and you're still telling her to get out of there.

[00:02:42]So, you could see that this is not born out of any love. And you were in the comment section doing your kikikina kakaka and being like somebody even told you what the [ __ ] is that and you said if if the person pays for a studio session and their child misbehaves in that manner, let them cancel it. So, you're more worried about your money than you are of the well-being of your child. You would rather dump trauma on your child to grow up and deal with it than actually curtail your own emotions and also regard your child's emotions. This is a behavior that lacks both emotional intelligence and lacks respect for your child. And you further enact your lack of respect for your child by posting this video. And your comments in your comment section further enact a lack of respect for your child. You have no respect for that child. There were people in these comment sections typing comments such as my even my 3-month-old can connect. So, when I tell you guys that when people women when people beat their children generally, it's not because they they want to correct that child. It's not born out of love. It's just an undisciplined adult who did not who grew up not learning emotional regulation and therefore refusing to regulate their own emotion and project projecting their anger onto that child, right?

[00:03:44]In order to feel better like they're using their children as a relief material for them to feel good, right?

[00:03:49]Over that emotions that is bottled up in them. That is why people beat children.

[00:03:53]It is not born out of correction because what exactly is she trying to teach this child? What is she trying to correct the child from? The child is having a terrible time. She did not ask to be there. She does not want to be there.

[00:04:02]She's exhausted. She's dealing with emotions. You are a parent. It is your responsibility to teach this child how to be able to manage their emotions or how to handle their emotions, right? And if the child is extremely uncomfortable, maybe you should take that child away from there. But because you have paid money for what you wanted to use for content or you wanted to take those pictures, you want to force that child to take those pictures. You're not even giving the child a little bit of time or a moment to just rest and sort of be able to deal with what she's dealing with until she feels happy again, then you guys can take it. And that is why I hate when people say, "Oh, they are photographers and they say things like, 'Oh, you book 1 hour and then I'm booking you on from 2 to 3.' And you're telling me that you photograph even children." That is me knowing that you're not family like that business is not family um will I say not oriented, family um sensitive or too child sensitive. A professional child photographer knows for a fact that just because you said 1 hour doesn't mean that everything has to happen between 2 to 3. You give time for children to regulate their emotions. So, they know that. But a lot of Nigerian photographers don't know. But this is not even the fault of the photographer.

[00:05:01]I'm totally putting the blame on this woman. You have no business hitting your child. You just abused your child and you made fun of it and you thought it funny coming to post it on social media for people to even gather in your comment section and find an avenue where they are comfortable talking to you about how they also abuse their children and how uh oh they are just kikikikikaka in the comment section with you.

[00:05:19]That dress could have been uncomfortable on that child. The child could have been hungry and tired. The environment could have been unconducive. There are so many things that could make a child feel that way. And it's also okay for a child to feel like, "Oh, I don't I I I am not feeling this whole picture thing today."

[00:05:32]Just because you paid for it doesn't mean they have to participate. You did not ask for their consent.

[00:05:36]You're just forcing them to participate and you're angry because you think you're not doing that child a favor by taking pictures of her. It is you who need those pictures, not her.

[00:05:43]And even if you feel like she needs it, hitting that child was not a reasonable thing to do. That was abuse and there's no reason why you should even be posting that. It is embarrassing that you're posting that and Nigerian get comfortable with these things because there's no like child protective services or anything that actually protects children. Children are indeed very vulnerable in this country. And look at the venom in which you used to hit your child and you're proud of it posting it on social media. This is shameful. This is what the Nigerian woman who abused her child and posted a video on her page. This is the comment she had to post in response of my comment on one of my Nigerian sister's page, Timi. This is what she had to tell me and so you can pause to read. In summary, she's saying that as a sociologist, I should account for nuances and not say that um she's not deserving of being a mother. As a recap, please watch the video again. Watch her body language. Watch her facial expression when she was hitting her child and I'll be right back.

[00:06:55]Most of you don't like the truth and sometimes when we call out women for their actions, some of you become defensive. We do not need any nuances to call out abuse. What you did was child abuse and you also cyberbullied your child by posting it online. The internet never forgets. This video has circulated and your daughter will grow up and see how you publicly humiliated her by abusing her and posting it on social media. That alone is problematic and that is the truth. A lot of you don't deserve kids. I have a large following.

[00:07:33]I do a lot of social advocacy work and anybody would tell you that Dr. Z is quite engaging in her comments and I can tell you that a significant majority of African women, because of the abuse that we grew up enduring in our homes as African children, most African women do not know how to even function in healthy relationships. A lot of you endure disrespect, abuse, and dehumanization from men because of the way you were traumatized and the way you were raised by your parents. That is why when you come on my page and I'm talking about having boundaries, having self-respect, having self-worth, a lot of African women can't relate because their default setting is abuse and trauma. Therefore, if an African woman, the significant majority, are not in a state where they are being disrespected, abused, demeaned, and degraded, they do not feel loved, they do not feel any type of connection. And that is why most of them, their relationships are founded on trauma bonding. Also, we must accept the fact that child abuse is extremely pervasive and even perceived as a cultural element in the African context.

[00:08:47]Child abuse is normalized in the African context. As a result, most of us navigate life from a place of trauma. Throughout my academic journey in Canada, one of the things I have heard is how Africans behave, especially when we come to grad school in North America. A lot of the non-African or white faculty often talked about how most African um graduate students are quite timid. We do not know how to express ourselves, we do not know how to even publicly debate and stand our ground in the academic setting when we are having seminar discussions and we are quite docile in terms of the way we present ourselves. And these observations tie back to how many of us Africans were abused and we were subdued by our parents in terms of the way they raised us. Even beyond being a grad student, when most Africans are in professional settings and they're being bullied or mistreated in the workspace, very few of them are able to stand up for themselves and to take appropriate action because of the long-lasting and lingering effect of the abuse that we endured when we were growing up. So, in my analysis, I talked about the pervasive impact of this type of behavior on children. And when you go under my video and you read the comment section, you would see a lot of comments from women talking about how when they were beaten as children, tempered with their confidence, and how many of them have low self-esteem because of the way they were raised. Also, it is important to mention the fact that when we think of children being beaten and abused, it is often mothers who do this. Why am I saying this? Because in the African culture, women are subordinate to men.

[00:10:46]Women are oppressed by men. And sometimes the only group of people that women have some level of power over are children. So, unconsciously, because many of us grew up in abusive homes where we were beaten, it becomes normal for mothers who often provide child care to abuse their children because children are the only ones that women, to a large extent, have some level of power over. A lot of our African mothers, even when their children grow up and their children are married, they still want to exert that level of control over their children. And so, these are the nuances.

[00:11:24]These are the critical pieces we need to be talking about. Now, to the lady who who under my comment section saying that oh, she's also a behavioral scientist and that she doesn't like my tone and I need to be kinder with my tone. You are not qualified to tone police me. Tone policing is not part of the academic requirement when we go study to become behavioral scientist. Not all situations deserve a kind tone. You need to understand the context. You need to understand your audience and you need to frame your message in a way that will land with your audience and clearly that is something you do not know. So please if you cannot respect my opinion, do not come and tone police me. My name is Dr. Zier Ayame, sociologist. I said what I said. If there were clear metrics and systems to measure if somebody qualifies to become a parent, the majority of you will fail. Many of you are incompetent parents. Many of you don't deserve children. If we were going to judge by financial readiness, most of you will fail. If we were going to judge by emotional maturity, most of you will fail. If we were going to judge by mental health, most of you will fail. If we're going to judge by communication skills and conflict resolution skills, most of you will fail. That is the truth. Many of you are incompetent parents. You're doing terrible jobs and most of you don't deserve to be parents and that is the truth that some of you are triggered about. If you're not following, guess what? Hit the follow button.

[00:12:59]You see that video of that lady that spanked her child because her child didn't want to stay for the photo shoot, right? And she is doubling down on it and blah blah blah. It's not every time gentle parenting, sometimes it's discipline. What I see from that video is lack of regulation and this bring me to my point. When you don't regulate your yourself, right? You tend to abuse people and think you're correcting or disciplining them because how is it that you are acting from your emotions? Your children are over there because they don't know what they're doing, but you are the adult. You see, you are supposed to understand. You can feel frustrations, you can feel your feelings, but that child is not misbehaving. So, how are you disciplining her?

[00:13:33]You are supposed to be regulated so that you can regulate your child. And this is why I always laugh at why Nigerians cannot understand gentle parenting. Of course, you cannot understand gentle parenting because you are not regulated.

[00:13:42]Regulate yourselves. Tame that dragon inside you. Because at the end of the day, you are supposed to have metacognition. You are like you are you are supposed to watch yourself, to observe your emotions. Oh, I feel this way. This is why I feel this way. And it matters what you do about what you feel.

[00:13:57]It has to be a grounded, stable action.

[00:14:00]So, you beating that child when you will not beat your husband if he was the one that couldn't smile for that picture will never make sense to me. So many of us have been beaten like thieves because our parents were angry. [clears throat] They will beat you, slap you, do this one because say you break lamp or you did this, you What you did is annoying, but does it merit the beating you were given?

[00:14:23]Regulate yourselves so that you don't give your children wounds that even you you you won't ever heal from.

[00:14:29]Nobody is demanding perfection from you.

[00:14:31]They are just demanding accountability from you and to apologize to your daughter. Hitting a child is an act of violence. Hitting an adult is an act of violence, just like the way a man hitting his wife is an act of violence.

[00:14:40]And it doesn't matter if he has a rational behind it. It doesn't matter.

[00:14:43]It is not your definition of abuse that qualifies what abuse is. Violence is is abusive. Anything that involves striking another person is abusive, okay? There are even verbal There's verbal abuse.

[00:14:52]There are several other abuse, psychological, emotional, and several other abuse.

[00:14:56]Nobody is expecting you to be perfect, just like you should not also be expecting perfection from your child.

[00:15:00]You hit that child because you are expecting perfection.

[00:15:03]That child is a child, and they don't know how to put their emotions into words.

[00:15:06]You are an adult. You are expected to know how to put your emotions into words better. And so, you should be able to control your emotions. You were angry, you were frustrated because the child is frustrated, okay? You have ceased to understand that while you humanize yourself, you see yourself as human who can do wrong, right? Who can be frustrated, and you think it's okay for you to be frustrated, but you don't think it's okay for that child to be frustrated simply because you have paid a photographer money. So, they are not calling you out because they expect perfection. Nobody is expecting you to be a perfect parent. They are expecting you to not be an abusive one. They are two different things, okay? And then people have been calling you out. They also said, "Okay, even if you were imperfect and you hit that child, posting it on social media for people who are also abusers to now gather in the comment section and be binding together on how abusive they are to their children, and you've been defending yourself all along. That is what they are calling you out for. It is not just the hitting of the child.

[00:15:51]Posting her on social media to be ridiculed by adults who are also abusive is another form of abuse. So, you double abused that child. That is what they are telling you for. So, take accountability. Take down that video and apologize to your child. Even if you are so social media validation hungry, at least apologize to your daughter. That is what we are saying. Children don't know how to manage themselves. That girl could be going through a lot of things that she doesn't have words to be able to put together to tell you that this is how she feels, okay? And if you, as somebody who is open to learning, you will know that there are several ways to get a child to be interested in having those photos. If your photographer as well was professional, the photographer would know how to converse with that girl in a way that that girl would also be happy to participate. One thing that you kept saying in your comment section in response to other people who are abusers is that um she has has she has she not cooperated and taken the pictures. But at the end of the day, you are just seeing the benefit of hitting her that she has cooperated and she's taking the pictures. You're not seeing the damage that your action could possibly cause your child. In the future, you're teaching that child to shut up when her emotions are some type of way. You've not taught her how to be able to handle it or to talk to her, to express herself. Because if you start talking to her when she's having those emotions, she will learn how to put her emotions into words. You have not taught her that. So, she's going to become an adult that just like you, she thinks striking somebody that she is more powerful than the person is the right way to handle situation when the person is not doing what you want. Another thing is that that child could get abused tomorrow and she'll be uncomfortable talking to you because she has developed fear. There are several other things that could go wrong that the results will not be something you will see immediately. But then, the accumulation of such behavior of hitting a child whenever they are doing something that you don't like eventually shows up in children's lives, okay?

[00:17:17]Here's one thing that you don't even understand. Children, that frustration you feel towards children, the lesser you hit them, the more you stop hitting them, right? It forces you to process your own emotions better. And then you will not realize that when you get used to it, children will not even frustrate you as much as you think they are frustrating. It will get to a point where because you have understanding of their lack of vocabulary, emotional regulation, and all that, you will not be frustrated.

[00:17:40]You will learn how to talk to them, and you will not realize that they are also learning how to talk to you when they are frustrated. And you guys the less frustrating they will become because they will now start learning how to express themselves in other ways other than throwing tantrums, okay? They will begin to talk to you more. And that is what y'all don't understand. So, when they are correcting you, I visit people in the comment section, "Oh, how many children do you have?" I'm like, "Y'all, are you guys okay?"

[00:18:00]Are you okay? You are not trying to use oh, you're an advocate for women, but you're telling a a mother she shouldn't have children if she isn't perfect. Yes, if you cannot the It is not even perfection, demanding the barest minimum, which is do not abuse a child.

[00:18:14]If you think that mothering a child has to you must abuse your child, then don't have children. If you have to abuse your child You guys keep saying it is not abuse as if your definition of what abuse is is what qualifies the world.

[00:18:24]No, you are not the determining factor for the definition of the word abuse. It is not what you think. So, whether ignorant or not You see this thing that you're saying, while we say Nigeria doesn't have Nigeria does not have laws that protect children, it's not necessarily true. If I decide now to get your time to frustrate you now, I will carry you to NAPTIP. They have laws, violence against persons, right? Which also includes children. If I have your time now and I want to reduce everything on my own schedule, I'll follow up the case, you will be arrested.

[00:18:49]You will be arrested. So, it's not like It's just that nobody follows up with these children's situation. If somebody has your time now, they will follow the case and they will deal with you. So, I need you to understand that people are not calling you at that It is a teach It is a teaching moment moment. You should take your lessons from it and go.

[00:19:02]It is not It is still criminal. That thing you did is criminal even in Nigeria. It's just that nobody wants to take it up.

[00:19:07]And you know some of you young women who are married to men, I saw your video where you're like your husband even said you should address this, but what what what, this same husband of yours that is supporting this issue, when you guys have a fight, there's a lady that I was speaking with, they had a fight with her husband. This same child that they've been beating, they have a house help there that is young and they hit the girl or something.

[00:19:24]Somehow that she hit the girl. These laws that you guys think are not working, these men that you're married to know for a fact that those laws work.

[00:19:30]The husband was the one that reported her to NAPTIP.

[00:19:33]And she was arrested, she suffered like this before her siblings took her out of that case.

[00:19:36]So even that same husband of yours knows that it's criminal for you to hit your child. It is you women who refuse to know what the law says about certain things. So hitting your child, if you are having issues with that man, he can take you to court for hitting that child. And you have you are the one who have put evidence for him on social media.

[00:19:50]And for those of you who beat your children and record and post, I need you to understand that if that man wants to divorce you, I'm not saying that's the case for this lady, I'm just saying generally, these videos that you guys are putting, he can download that videos and use it in court as to gain custody of that child and say that you are abusive towards the child, even though he himself beats the child. The fact that he does not record his own and post on social media, you have posted your own as evidence for him to use.

[00:20:09]Like, what is wrong with you women?

[00:20:11]What is wrong? You are holding onto your right to abuse your own child. It is your child that people are telling you, "Don't do that to your child, it is wrong." But you're still defending your child. We won't love your child past you.

[00:20:20]Aba.

[00:20:21]Are you saying you're doing your best?

[00:20:22]That is not your best. If this is your best, give those children up for people who are willing to adopt or be be parents. That cannot be your best. You are stressed and you have a business and you are a mother and you you you you do that you're doing you're trying and everything, yes, but it is not enough.

[00:20:34]It is not enough reason for you to abuse your child. It is not okay. That is what they are telling you. Nobody hates you.

[00:20:37]Nobody is dragging you unnecessarily.

[00:20:39]They are not doing it from a place of hate. People are telling you that this thing that you're doing is not okay.

[00:20:42]Take a moment to sit down and think about it. It's not everything that you guys think as if people are just dragging you unnecessarily. It is not dragging.

[00:20:49]They're educating you. It is wrong.

[00:20:52]And we cannot be talking about women's rights and then you are ignoring children's rights.

[00:20:55]Children are human beings, too. Do they not have a right to live safely?

[00:20:59]Aba. When it comes to hitting children, hitting your child, in this part of the world, it is very normal.

[00:21:07]It is very normal. They do it like it's a day-to-day thing. If you're not hitting your child, if you're in the public and your child misbehaves and you're not hitting your child, people like you're spoiling your child or you're not doing the right thing or you're not you're not a good parent. So, they look at you as if you're not a good parent.

[00:21:27]They expect you to always discipline your child by hitting your child. So, this particular scenario, you can see that that child is very uncomfortable.

[00:21:36]Probably they've been up since and while she's doing her makeup, they've been, you know, trying to set the child up with the dress and probably the child is hungry. Like she feels very uncomfortable and she's just like, "See, I'm tired of this photo session. I just want to go."

[00:21:51]But you're not actually paying attention to your child emotions. You She's trying to express her feelings. She's trying to tell you that she's not okay. But you as a mother, you as an adult, you're not trying to understand how your child feels. Maybe you're going to pet her.

[00:22:04]Maybe you're going to buy her biscuits.

[00:22:05]Even if you've bought her a lot of biscuits, you've bought her a lot of cookies and all of that for her to be able to stay for this session and she's still not agreeing.

[00:22:14]I don't think the child did anything wrong because it's not every time you want to your child will not understand the fact that you need this picture or this photo session. They don't understand why you're taking pictures of them. They don't understand why we are here. They don't understand why you're you're on a lot of lights and trying to take picture and trying to let them sit in a certain way. They don't get it.

[00:22:36]That is not the way they have fun. These pictures and these videos you're doing, they are for you. So, now that your child is not interested in that thing, you as an adult you're supposed to understand and understand how she's feeling and try to, you know, put her in that position if at all you really need that video and that pictures. You're supposed to put her in that position that she's going to adjust, not you hitting her. Okay, you hit her now, she's going to cry for hours, for minutes, and you're still not going to get the pictures and the videos that you wanted to do. You're not You're still not going to She's not going to be happy in those pictures. She's going to be either teary or something, and is that what you're going to enjoy?

[00:23:16]A lot of women in the comment section were like, "This is how they suffer.

[00:23:19]This is what they go through, and this is how they actually go about it. This is how they hit their child if their child is not, you know, interested in photo section." This is also for content creators that bring their children to the internet. Most of the time, if we see behind the scene of how these women will be bullying their child to show on the internet, it's going to be annoying.

[00:23:41]Because even as an adult, creating content every day can be very tiring and exhausting.

[00:23:47]Yes, I do it and it's very I'm not even doing vlog. This is just a sit-down content creation, and it can be very exhausting. Some days I just don't want to come online, but I have to. Now, imagine that I have to be bringing a child into this place.

[00:24:00]You know, frustrating and try to tell the child, "You must show every time."

[00:24:04]And the child is not We I have to There's no how I'm going to bully the child. I'm going to beat the child. I'm going to Behind the scene, you guys are not going to like me as a mother.

[00:24:13]Because I am going to make sure that I say, "You have to show, because this is what This is what we are going to do.

[00:24:17]This is how we are making money. This is how I'm paying your school fees. You have to show." I have I'm going to be bullying the child. I'm going to be disturbing the child to show on the internet. In as much as this child might want to be showing on the Because there are some children that I love camera.

[00:24:30]They want to show and all of that. But there are some days that they don't want to just show. There are some days they just want to be on their own self. There are some days they don't want to appear on the camera. They don't want to do anything. But you still have to do it because probably that's the day you've planned to shoot content. You have The thing is, instead of you hitting your child, instead of you trying to act like, "Okay, I'm superior over you. I'm going to beat you if you don't, you know, do what I want you to do."

[00:24:55]You can cajole them. You can make them.

[00:24:57]You can put them in the mood. Just like the creator that was sugar and the creator to me was saying, when your husband is not interested in taking pictures, there are a lot of family pictures that the men do not smile. They are not always interested in the family pictures. They'll be like it's a waste of time or it's a woman thing. You see how the wife will be like, "Oh no, baby.

[00:25:17]Baby, smile now. Baby." You know, they try to They try to make the husband smile and make the pictures very beautiful. If you can do that to your husband that is an adult, why can't you do more for your child?

[00:25:31]There's no amount of biscuit you're like your child likes attraction. In fact, as a photographer, that's why they have photography children photography and adult photography. If you're If you're a children photographer, you know how you handle children.

[00:25:46]The professionals, then when you tell them that you want to, you know, take pictures for children, babies, they know what they're coming into. They already have all the You know, side attraction that will make the children be attracted to the photo section and all of that. In fact, the annoying part is you might have planned everything, the dressing, the everything. You've made the hair. When it's time to take the pictures, the child will start sleeping. You have to wait for the child to wake up.

[00:26:14]That is how you do it. You don't have to fight your child. You don't have to beat your child over this. And then normalizing you, a lot of people normalizing this in the comment section is just so sad to see how child abuse is so normalized in this part of the world. Let me know what you think about this video down in the comment section respectfully as always.

[00:26:35]You're going to marry Davis and thank you so much for tuning in today's video.

[00:26:38]I hope you enjoyed this one. Don't forget to like and share and subscribe and I'll see you in my next one, guys.

[00:26:43]Bye.