Sean Kelly & Connor McCracken — “The Pillowman”

Added: 2026-05-13

[00:00:11]Mr. Quran, I'm Detective Topolski.

[00:00:16]>> Who left this on you?

[00:00:17]>> What?

[00:00:18]>> Who left this on you?

[00:00:19]>> Uh um the the the man.

[00:00:23]>> Why didn't you take it off? It just looks stupid.

[00:00:25]>> I didn't think I was supposed to.

[00:00:29]You just look so stupid.

[00:00:30]>> Yes, >> like I was saying, I'm Detective.

[00:00:35]>> Well, the main thing I want to say is is that I have complete respect for you and for what you do. I I'm glad to help you in any way that I can. Um I I have complete respect.

[00:00:48]>> Well, that's good to hear.

[00:00:49]>> I'm not like some of these um you know, >> some of these what? I don't know.

[00:00:54]>> Some of these types of people who have no respect for the police. I've never been in trouble with the police in my life. In my life. And I I >> I I never been in trouble until now.

[00:01:09]>> Huh?

[00:01:11]Repeating myself. Never been in trouble with the police until now.

[00:01:14]>> I'm in trouble with the police now.

[00:01:15]>> What else are you doing here?

[00:01:17]>> Helping you with your inquiries? I THOUGHT >> OH. OH, SO like we're friends of yours.

[00:01:21]>> Like like we took you here like this is a social visit. Like like we're friends of >> You're not friends of mine. No. You've had your rights writ. You've been took out of your home. You've had a You've had a blindfold on.

[00:01:33]>> Do you think? No. No. Do you think we just do this to our good friends?

[00:01:36]>> We're not friends, but by the same token, I hope we're not enemies.

[00:01:39]>> I'm going to hit you so HARD IN THE HEAD.

[00:01:42]>> WHY DO you must suspect some reason?

[00:01:46]>> Uh, I've been racking my brains, BUT I >> OH. OH, YOU'VE BEEN RACKING YOUR BRAINS, BUT YOU can't think.

[00:01:51]>> No.

[00:01:52]>> Well, YES OR NO.

[00:01:54]>> YES.

[00:01:54]>> HUH? THEY'RE JUST HOW YOU TOOK MY SCHOOL too when you took ME THAT YOU HAVE THEM >> AND THAT I HAVE THEM WHERE >> I I haven't been reading papers which for all you know may have been some immensely classified very very secret thing.

[00:02:14]My my title.

[00:02:18]>> Oh. Oh. Oh. Like like your peripheral vision.

[00:02:23]>> Yes. Yes.

[00:02:29]>> But hang on.

[00:02:31]For it to be your peripheral vision, you'd have to be turned around like like this way. Like like like sideways. I meant the >> See, no. Like this way. Like sideways.

[00:02:44]>> SEE? LIKE THIS WAY. LIKE SIDEWAY.

[00:02:47]>> I MEANT THE PERIPHERAL VISION AT THE BOTTOM OF MY EYES.

[00:02:53]You prefer at the bottom of your >> I don't think there's a word for >> there isn't.

[00:03:03]>> Why would there be a message? Your story is you being taken.

[00:03:07]It isn't a crime. You write a story.

[00:03:09]>> That's what I thought. That's the whole thing.

[00:03:11]>> What's the whole thing?

[00:03:15]I mean, I agree.

[00:03:18]You read these things, these stories.

[00:03:21]Supposedly the police are all this, the government is all this, all these political what do you call it? The government should be doing this. Please You know what I say? Just tell me a story. You know, a great man once said that the first duty of a storyteller is to tell a story. And I believe in that wholeheartedly.

[00:03:44]I like to fill this form out now. It's a form in case anything bad happens to you while you're in custody.

[00:03:50]Um, see we've got a mistake with your name here. I think your surname is right.

[00:03:57]>> Yes.

[00:03:58]>> See, we've got your first name isquri.

[00:04:00]>> My first name is Coutur.

[00:04:06]>> Your first name is Coutur.

[00:04:07]>> Yes.

[00:04:09]>> And your second name is >> Yes.

[00:04:14]>> Your name is Coutur.

[00:04:17]>> My parents are funny people.

[00:04:23]middle initial.

[00:04:33]>> Okay.

[00:04:38]>> Your name is Couturian. Couturian.

[00:04:42]>> Like I said, my parents are funny people.

[00:04:46]I guess for funny it just it just read to me as like stupid idiots.

[00:04:55]I'm not disagreeing.

[00:05:02]>> That wasn't a paper in case anything bad happens to you in custody.

[00:05:07]>> I was just mucking around.

[00:05:11]>> What was it?

[00:05:12]>> It was a piece of paper I was going to tear into. Here we are. The Little Apple.

[00:05:32]What about it? It's not one of my best.

[00:05:36]>> It's pretty good, though.

[00:05:37]>> This is a story.

[00:05:39]It starts off. There's a little girl and her father treats her badly.

[00:05:45]Um yeah, he he uh he's got this little girl around. Um he's a >> seems a lot of stories like this.

[00:05:54]>> He's a what?

[00:05:56]>> What?

[00:05:57]>> The father. He's a something, you say.

[00:06:00]>> Um he he represents a bad father. He he is a bad father.

[00:06:07]>> He is a bad father.

[00:06:08]>> Yes. He slaps the little girl around.

[00:06:12]>> Exactly how many Do you have where a little girl is through the bathroom or a little boy is truly bad?

[00:06:20]>> A few. A few.

[00:06:22]>> A few. I'd say a few. The first 20 we picked up where a little girl is over this way or a little boy is over this way.

[00:06:32]>> But that's that's not saying anything.

[00:06:34]I'm not trying to say anything. The children represent the people or something.

[00:06:41]The father, as we have established, treats the little girl back. One day, the little girl gets some apples and she carves some little men out of these apples, all little fingers, little eyes, little toes, and she gives them to her father. And she tells him that if he kept as a momento of when his only little daughter was young, naturally the pig of her father swallows a bunch of these applemen whole just to spite her.

[00:07:10]But there are razor blades in them.

[00:07:13]And he dies in agony.

[00:07:19]And uh that's sort of like the end of the story or like it should be like the end of the story. The father gets his comeuppance and then it goes on.

[00:07:31]The little girl wakes up.

[00:07:34]A number of applemen are walking up her chest. They say to her, "You killed our little brothers."

[00:07:42]The clin she chokes to death on her own. The end.

[00:07:46]>> Listen, I don't understand what I'm doing here. I don't have anything. I don't know what you want me to say. I just I stay in and I write stories.

[00:07:54]That's it. That's my life. I stay in and I write stories. That's it.

[00:07:59]>> That reminds me, I'm going to talk to your brother.