HIGHLIGHT | Hacking Houdini: How Narcissists Trick Your Brain

Added: 2026-05-14

[00:00:00]As we discussed in the episode of the show entitled stop filling in the gaps for narcissists, people fill in the gaps for the other side of the conversation and the relationship because some basic projection and assumption is necessary for communication. Again, this is just what happens when we talk to other people. It happens on a very deep level and is part of the basic programming of your brain. When you talk to animals, you don't usually assume or project the same things that you assume or project when you're talking to humans. Our brain sees them differently, therefore it operates differently when dealing with them. Most of the time, basic projection onto other human beings works fine.

[00:00:35]We're not projecting anything crazy onto other people or anything usually, just a basic understanding of emotions, perceptions, words, and things like that. The problem comes when even those most basic projections don't actually fit the other person or the experience that they are having.

[00:00:50]This is often very difficult for people to understand and it's made even more confusing by the fact that the brain just automatically assumes these things are there. So, it believes it has evidence that they are there even if they really aren't. Take for instance the example of serial killer and cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer. He was and is still regarded by many to be a sort of lonely hearts club type of guy who killed because he was lonely and sad.

[00:01:13]This is likely in large part due to the things that he said to explain his behavior, such as that he killed people because he wanted them to stay with him or that he ate pieces of people because he wanted them to be a part of him.

[00:01:24]These are statements that could be interpreted as loneliness and people project their own feelings and interpretations onto the things that others say. In most situations, this might be fine. However, when we view these specific statements in context with Dahmer's actions, we can see very clearly that these are not statements of loneliness at all. They're statements of ownership. Loneliness implies a yearning for human companionship. Wanting human companionship requires at the very least an understanding that people actually are people and what that means. Jeffrey Dahmer attempted homemade lobotomies on his victims in an attempt to erase the very things that made them people. He treated them as objects to cook and eat.

[00:02:02]He did not understand anything about people as people and did not appear to care or even realize that he didn't understand. He had no interest in people as people at all. His actual way of describing wanting people to stay with him was to say, "I wanted to keep them."

[00:02:18]which is the way that you talk about objects. Who they were, what their lives were like, what they wanted, what they needed, anything else about them did not matter to him at all. We can see this very clearly not only through his actions but through the things he said.

[00:02:32]When asked what his ideal partner would be, Dahmer stated very clearly that he wanted somebody who existed only for him, who did what he wanted with no needs, wants, or even any self of their own at all. If he couldn't have that, second on his list was making somebody into a zombie, in his words. If he couldn't have that, then he preferred what he'd actually been doing, which was drugging and killing people.

[00:02:54]A normal relationship with another human being was not only not mentioned as an option by Dahmer, it was specifically excluded when the opportunity to include it was offered by the interviewer. When he was asked what was further down the scale of desirability from drugging and killing people, his answer was, "Nothing." When asked to expand on that, he said, "Celibacy. Total celibacy."

[00:03:18]A relationship of any kind was not even part of the discussion. His only use for a partner, and we are using that term extremely loosely, was as an object to perpetuate solitary sex acts upon. And if he couldn't do that the way that he wanted to do it, then the answer was just no dealings with any objects at all.

[00:03:35]As we explored in the video entitled The Most Dangerous Kind of Narcissist, with serial killers and in our example here of Dahmer specifically, we see a demonstration of the automatic projections and assumptions that the human brain always makes when interacting with other humans, even if the communication is one way and happening through a medium such as audio or video. The brain assumes and believes it sees evidence that Dahmer has at the very least some basic meaningful understanding of humanity, even though the reality is there actually isn't any evidence of that at all. People are filling in the gaps for him based on their own assumptions and projections, and they are doing so despite there being overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

[00:04:16]This is not a question of subjective interpretation, by the way. Dahmer's words and actions prove conclusively that he viewed other human beings only as objects and had no meaningful understanding of humanity at all.

[00:04:27]The idea that another human being does not have these things goes against the way that the brain naturally operates.

[00:04:33]The brain just assumes that these things are there and uses whatever it can to substantiate that conclusion, because the reality is that regardless of what we think, the brain cannot really conceive of this not being true, not really. This is how the statements of the man who tortured, raped, killed, and ate people can be interpreted as cries of loneliness for human companionship, because people are assuming that what they would mean by those statements and words is what everyone means by those statements and words. This is one of the things it's necessary to assume in order for basic communication to happen.

[00:05:05]Otherwise, it's not possible to understand or feel understood, which is the fundamental basis for all communication. If you couldn't make these primary basic projections and assumptions, it would be like trying to talk to a space alien, where you could not assume anything meant anything, and you would need some kind of interpretation for every single thing the alien said to you. Knowing someone is different or dangerous or whatever may make you wary at first, but if you continue to deal with them, this will eventually change as your brain makes the automatic assumptions and projections it needs to make in order to facilitate and engage in communication with another human being. Studies have repeatedly demonstrated that this effect is unconscious and unavoidable with machines, therefore it stands to reason it would be even more unavoidable and even more powerful with actual human beings. Both AI chatbots and pathological narcissistic people mimic the way normal empathetic compassionate humans interact with each other.

[00:05:58]Narcissists learn through experience what they're supposed to say and do in certain situations, much the same way AI chatbots do. And it creates even more powerful reactions in people because of the assumptions and projections that the brain is already making.

[00:06:11]It's simply too difficult for your brain to try to deal with this contradiction.

[00:06:14]It will default to its basic programming and the assumptions inherent to this basic programming, especially if there appears to be evidence that supports these assumptions and there does appear to be evidence that supports our brains basic assumptions due to the mimicry that AI bots and narcissists are capable of engaging in. Though both do reveal their inability and limitations eventually and though their mimicry does not really ever stand up to scrutiny if you actually look, there often does appear to be enough evidence for our assumptions that these things are ignored or seen as overall unimportant.

[00:06:45]And this doesn't happen, even if people do not overlook these things or consider them unimportant, it doesn't matter because they can't stop these automatic assumptions from continuing to happen.

[00:06:56]When they do eventually reveal their inability to have compassion and empathy, it's very painful for people.

[00:07:01]With both AI chatbots and with pathological narcissistic personalities, we are essentially talking to ourselves.

[00:07:08]We're talking to something that largely uses keywords and phrases to try and create the appearance of a shared conversation. We're talking to something that mimics the way we communicate and focuses on the things we think are important or care about in order to create the appearance of a relationship.

[00:07:22]This works very well. It fools the human brain and the human heart into believing there is a real relationship with another human being.