Why Good People Keep Falling for the Wrong Person | Ep. 63

[00:00:00]Viewer discretion is advised for this love themed podcast. The content may contain discussions and sensitive topics related to relationships, dating, and love. Some content may not be suitable for all listeners, especially those uncomfortable with open and vulnerable conversations. We encourage our listeners to practice self-care and reach out to a trusted friend or professional if they need support. You have no friends, you have me. Welcome to the Lost Lover Boy Podcast. Welcome to another episode of Lost Love Boy Podcast. I am your host as always, Mr. Demitri Wy. Welcome to my podcast if you are new here. For all my returning people, good to see you again. You know, I was actually shocked over the weekend.

[00:00:39]I got to see how many men actually pay attention to this podcast. And I just want to let you know, I'm grateful.

[00:00:45]Shout out to the lover boys who watching, all my lover girls, you know, I love you. Um, thank you for helping me build this back up to something I could be very proud of. um to a place I can actually release, you know, and give you guys a piece of me and in return uh men pieces of you. I've seen this do so much for other people and a lot of people have been inboxing me all these positive affirmations and positive things and thank yous and all of these things and I want to shed just as much light on the positive things that I receive just as much as we quick to reply to those negative things. So, this is my version of that and I want to say thank you in return. Um, today we got a wild one, you know, and before we jump into all of that, I want to say shout out to my Discord. Thank you to everybody who's tuning in, jumping in on those free conversations we having in a month. Um, we had our first movie night. We watched Love and Basketball. Hey man, it be the chat for me. These people are hilarious. They crack me up every single time. Um, I'm learning people people from AC across the globe and it's a great way of connecting. I'm I'm super blessed for that. Um, we got a series coming soon to YouTube. I just got approval, went over to the warehouse, had a conversation.

[00:01:57]Really looking forward to that. The raffle ends at the end of the month. I just want to tell you, if you're not in on the Chris Brown and Usher raffle, I'm raffling off tickets to it. Um, the winner may take whoever they choose. If they want to take me, I will be there in attendance. It's it's completely up to them. Um, we gonna have a great time regardless. Um, but make sure y'all enter. The link to do it is in the link in the bio. whatever today I wanted to have a conversation about why good people and I I would like to think I'm good people I would like to consider myself as such um why we keep falling for the wrong person I think that is a very very deep conversation we need to have I've seen emotionally intelligent people ignore red flags like they were Rachel's I've seen it I've seen loving people stay in relationships where there was no love given in return. I've seen Come on now. Like we all we all got that grandma who really just would granddaddy just because of time. You know what I'm saying? Like my grandma be like, "Ah, I didn't I didn't get married for love.

[00:03:03]That that's not why I did it. I got married because he was going to take care of me." And like we all know that kind of, you know, situation. I ain't saying your granddaddy's a bad person.

[00:03:14]But what I am saying is there is a bunch of people out there who are in these relationships or out of these relationships and they looking back like damn that was really they was really kind of a [ __ ] up person. You know what I'm saying? Um but not even just a [ __ ] up person. And I think what's more importantly is that they're the wrong person for you. I I think we've kind of created this like narrative that good people make good choices of who they should be with. Like good people choose good partners and that's not always true. I know there's a lot of pressure on me um surrounding the woman I choose and everybody has a lot of opinions on who I should be with. I'm be honest with you, everybody just want every everybody be like I ain't gonna say everybody because everybody don't want me. But most people that talk to me and they try to give me guidance on um the kind of woman I should be with, they're usually describing themselves, which I which I find to be kind of crazy. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes, but it's life.

[00:04:17]Everybody think they are the perfect person for who's standing in front of them. It's it's natural human reaction.

[00:04:24]Like if I'm looking at you and I want you, of course that [ __ ] you talk to is a wrong [ __ ] Of course. Um why would I ever tell you he's not? Like, come on, make it make sense. But I think there's a lot of pressure on me to get it right.

[00:04:38]And a lot of people assume just because I know enough about emotional intelligence or enough about what a relationship needs to sustain or enough about and I'm willing to give it the effort that the person I choose is going to do the same thing. There's a lot of discovery we have like as these relationship progresses. Like you don't fully know a person ever. Like I I don't know if I can really make that clear.

[00:05:02]You don't you you can never fully know somebody like in even in these relationships that's a year long, two years long, three years long, you still kind of don't know this person. It's a reason we wait so long before we get married. Like everybody and I'm going say of my age range and I in our 30s, you know, pushing at to the older age, everybody be like, "Ah, when a man meet me, he gonna know in six months. He gonna know in a year. He gonna know in two year." He don't that [ __ ] don't even know you like that. Like let's just be honest, he ain't seeing you at your worst. You ain't seeing him at his lowest. You haven't seen him in and so it takes time, you know, but with it taking time means it'll take time for you to know if this is the wrong person or not. I was in a relationship. We dated for about 5 months. We was together for about eight months. And you don't really get to see the differences until life starts happening. let some real [ __ ] happen and then you see how they show up for you.

[00:06:03]You get what I'm saying? Like real [ __ ] has to happen. Um, and I think where a lot of good people go wrong, and I'm going just jump right on into the conversation. Where a lot of good people go wrong is we're not dating out of logic. Just because we have the logic does not mean we're dating out of logic. A lot of people, a majority of us are dating what feels familiar to us.

[00:06:30]You you date, you lean towards what feels familiar to you. Even where you stay, like your geographical location, you are going going to turn to what feels comfortable, what feels familiar.

[00:06:46]If you smelled the certain smell growing up all your life that when when you smell that smell as an adult, it'll either bring comfort or bring trauma if trauma is attached to it. But you are going to do what feels familiar. You're going to do what feels familiar to your childhood. You're going to do what feels familiar to past relationships. You're going to do you're going to do what the first love you were ever introduced to you felt like. I give you an example. My parents My parents have been together all my life, right? My parents have I've never seen my parents argue when I was a kid. Never seen it. I've never seen my dad get mad at my mom, raise his voice, him punch a hole in the wall. I've never seen him call out a name. I've never seen it because my parents did a phenomenal job at shielding us from that. So me and all my brothers thought as we grew up, relationship, oh, this is easy. It ain't what is what is toxicity?

[00:07:42]This this this is going to be a walk in the park for us. You know what I'm saying? Because we grew up and we realized that we found ourselves drawn to non-toxic women. It's a reason I like soft women. Even though my mother wasn't soft, the love I was witnessing was the way my dad treated my mother. Like I I I stand by this statement. Some men would rather lose the woman that they're in love with than lose respect of men they don't even like. My dad wasn't that guy. My dad didn't give a [ __ ] He was going to love my mama out loud in front of everybody. And he show enough did it in front of his kids. He did it to where we could see him. I told y'all I tell y'all all the time. My dad folded clothes. My dad, I mean, he didn't like doing it, but he did it. He folded clothes. He enjoyed cooking. He enjoyed doing laundry. He enjoyed fixing things. Whatever my mama needed, my dad jumped on it. So, it was what they nurtured in me. It's what I began to see. This is the way you treat a woman.

[00:08:55]Right? This is what a woman should be willing to do for you if she loves you.

[00:09:00]The first time I ran into what a woman wouldn't do for me or how it couldn't be reciprocated. Oh, it hurt so bad. Slap me right in the jaw. Slap me in the jaw. Hurt. Hurt real bad. I've never seen my parents put their friendships over their relationship. So, the moment I was in a relationship where the friend's opinion was valued over mine, oh, slap in the face. Oh, I'm talking about it. Slap me slapped me silly. Got me right in the eye. Like it was it was shocking to me, almost traumatizing to my system because the love I witnessed did not go like this.

[00:09:36]You know what I'm saying? Like you are drawn to what you witness even in your childhood. If you're someone who had to fight for love or fight for people to see you, you're going to continue that fight right on as an adult. You're going to cling towards people. You got to fight. So when somebody comes along naturally just willing to give you love, you're like, "Nah, this this ain't real.

[00:10:00]Uh-uh. I've always had to fight for this. Why Why would somebody just be willing to give it to me so voluntarily?"

[00:10:07]And you're going to be appalled. And nine times out of 10, this is where the self-sabotage come in. You're going to start sabotaging these situations because it does not feel familiar to your nervous system. Even past relationships, if the man you knew did not care enough to take you out on dates, buy you flowers, you become accustomed to that.

[00:10:29]So when a man values you enough to do it, you start thinking there's some trickery going on. You like, "No, imagine how many times a woman sees a man of high value and character and and and posture and a soft heart and they say it's too good to be true."

[00:10:51]You know how many accusations of too good to be true I get?

[00:10:56]And I to be honest with you, I'm not sitting here saying it like it's a flex.

[00:11:00]I don't want it. I want you to believe my love. the first time I I I approach you. I want you to believe that you're worthy of it. I said it a long long time ago. If I call you beautiful and you fail to believe it, it does not mean I'm lying to you.

[00:11:15]That is your nervous system saying, "I don't trust this statement because it doesn't feel familiar to me. It doesn't feel familiar to what I've heard."

[00:11:25]That's where a lot of good people go wrong. We're chasing a love that feels familiar. And I want to make this very clear. Just because you were raised in a toxic, unhealthy environment does not mean you can't be a good person.

[00:11:43]Roses can still grow in concrete.

[00:11:49]Most flowers are developed in soil, dirt, manure, the most beautiful flowers.

[00:11:57]It's necessary, but it takes all the other things all the other supplies to assist in your development. You need the sunshine. You need the water. I just found out recently like, you know, water ain't the only thing a plant need. And I when I when I first, you know, I I started buying some plants just to, you know, see if I can get my green thumb up. But water isn't the only thing a plant needs. Sometimes a plant needs like Tylenol or aspirin or some [ __ ] like that. I was like, "What the fuck?" I was like, "Oh, that makes sense." Because as a living organism, nobody can assume there is one thing to help you sustain.

[00:12:39]And I, it had me thinking like, damn, I wish more people thought like that. I wish more people understood that dynamic because I think that holds true even in relationships. Sometimes romance ain't going to fix your girl's insecurities.

[00:12:56]Sometimes loving her louder isn't going to mend the lack of intimate moments.

[00:13:06]There's different solutions for different pro living Living organisms need different things. And I I just want to make this clear uh cuz Miss Wy, I don't know if you watch this or not. I don't know if you've ever heard of this podcast or not, or you've been watching it for years. And I love you as your man, as your husband, as your very best friend.

[00:13:29]I want you to remember, there is no oneizefits-all when it comes to me. I want you to remember there is no given solution that you can plug and play for me. I will always do my best to express what's going on with me.

[00:13:47]But in times I fail, I pray to God you give me enough grace and understanding to help me see it through.

[00:13:59]I I pray your prayer is loud enough to reach the heaven's gates to help your husband, to help your man, cuz baby, I may not need water.

[00:14:10]Sometimes I might need a little aspirin.

[00:14:13]You know what I'm saying? But another thing good people do wrong. I I don't want to say good people do wrong.

[00:14:18]Another thing, another reason we go wrong and keep falling for the wrong person is because we fall for that chemistry.

[00:14:25]I just want to let it be known. Any two things can have chemistry.

[00:14:30]I want to let it be known. Chemistry is what starts relationships.

[00:14:35]Connection is what maintains it.

[00:14:38]Chemistry, I'mma repeat it, is what starts relationship. Connection is what maintains it. Just because we have things in common, just because we like the same things, just because the conversation flows when we all of that's cool, but that does not mean we should be making this thing work. And a lot of times we get we get caught up in chemistry because chemistry is the recognition. You recognize chemistry before you recognize anything.

[00:15:13]The first the moment you sit at a at a at a at a bar, at a restaurant, the moment you sit anywhere on the first date, you trying to see if that conversation flowing. You trying to see if they calling you as much as you calling them. You trying to see if the text messages flowing your way just as much as you flowing theirs. You recognize the chemistry. Do this person want to see me as much as I want to see this person? All of that's fine and dandy, right? But if you don't build that connection, okay, the moment a problem arise, the moment a problem does arise, right? How can our connection mend it, right? How can our if we can speak to each other with a level of understanding and grace and humility and there's not an inflation of ego that leans more towards your connection than your chemistry because two identities coming together is connection. If your ego is in a way if your ego is in a way that is one thing stopping us from coming together. I hope I'm making this clear. I'll give you I'll give you an easier example. An outlet and a socket.

[00:16:29]If you take an out if you take a a a plug here in the United States and take it over there to Europe, it ain't going to plug in the same. The connection is different. Right? If the connection is different and it does not align, eventually we're going to have problems. Eventually, my phone going to die and I can't use it anymore.

[00:16:50]that that's just how it is. But the thing about it, it has to be a fit.

[00:16:56]And we recognize chemistry far faster than we recognize connection.

[00:17:02]Connection is who are you? Who am I? And how is it fitting together?

[00:17:08]Like I'm a firm believer that you can make [ __ ] work. But in love, you shouldn't make something work. You should do what fits naturally.

[00:17:18]And that sometimes actually that's a lack of chemistry upfront. You ever seen a a couple where I didn't even like him originally? I didn't even like her originally, but that connection is so strong. The chemistry grows. It be like that sometimes. Sometimes I find interest in your hobbies and you'll find interest in mine. The chemistry will grow cuz the connection was solid. And then you look up and you married and don't let that chemistry and that connection align at the same time though. Don't let it. You'll be married in six months. you'll be married in six months. You understand me? And I think as good people, we need to pay more attention to the connection.

[00:17:59]Another thing we do, and guilty, I'm guilty as [ __ ] charged. If you've been here since episode one, you know it to be true. A lot of times us good people fall in love with the story.

[00:18:12]We have hope. We fall in love with the promises. We fall in love with the future um the future versions of a person.

[00:18:24]We date possibilities.

[00:18:27]That's what we do. We are lovers through and through. You know, you know what all lovers got in common? I don't know one lover who loves love, but they hate to see it in action. I I've never met one.

[00:18:40]I've never met a lover through and through whose identity it is that they claim that hate love movies. I've never met a lover who hates love songs. I've never met a lover who hates to see it in action. Like when when most lovers are impaths, like when somebody gets flowers around you, you like, "Oh, that's just so [ __ ] cute." Now, don't get me wrong. I've told y'all before, the hater in me be like, "Fuck, I wish that was me." The hater in me be like, "God damn." Like, I spread a little bit of that love this way. Cupid, aim that [ __ ] this way a little bit.

[00:19:17]That's what the lover in me, I mean, the hater in me does, but that lover, I love to see it. Most lovers are impaths, right? I've never seen it any other way.

[00:19:31]And I I doubt I ever will. That's because we fall in love with those stories. I told y'all a long time ago, one of my favorite love stories of all time is a [ __ ] comedy romcom, 50 First Dates.

[00:19:45]The fact that Adam Sandler was willing to make this young woman fall in love with him again every day going forward for the rest of her life because she's lost her memory. Oh my goodness.

[00:19:58]What a what a movie. You know, and the thing about it is we romanticize our own lives the exact same way.

[00:20:10]We create these narratives in our head and we tell ourselves, "I love this person. I love this person so much. I'm willing to wait till they become this version of them that I know they can be. That's like staying at a job for years. You stay at this job for years and on a res on a on on an application when you applied, they never told you they was going to pay you that amount of money. You've been waiting on this certain salary that this job never told you they was capable of giving you.

[00:20:42]You just going to wait it out. You just going to wait it out because that's the narrative you got in your head. Imagine that. Imagine, I've been working this job so long and they only pay $60,000 a year, but I'm waiting on that 100. I'mma wait. I know they're going to give it to me one day. No the [ __ ] they're not. No, they're not.

[00:21:02]And what do we do? Because we've built our built our our narratives on hope. Because we built our narratives on I told y'all one of my biggest downsfall was creating a story that only existed in my head, in my heart. This was not this was not something they signed up for. I gave them this narrative. Young black boy meets young black girl in a park on an exit on the entrance. Falls in love immediately. She was the first person to give him a compliment, make him feel loved.

[00:21:35]He wants to go to prom with her. He runs from her as a kid because he falls in love and it scares the [ __ ] out of him.

[00:21:43]Like they grow up He goes, picks up from a a different state, drives her home to be to be happily in love. They have a baby, all of this [ __ ] But what I did not conceptualize in any of it, my mind didn't even see the negatives.

[00:22:07]When you think of your favorite movie, you only remember the good parts.

[00:22:14]When you think of your favorite movies, you don't think about the part that almost put you to sleep. You don't think about that part that really pissed you off.

[00:22:24]You just think about the good parts. So, I was only able to see the good parts. I told myself, no matter what we went through, we could find our way back to each other. This was my movie. Goddamn it. In my movie, I'm the Ryan Cooler around here. I'm the Steven Spielberg around here. You're going to do what I believe it is we should be doing.

[00:22:46]How selfish is that?

[00:22:48]We idolize these relationships as if we know what God has written for us. I didn't heal completely until I realized this is his plan. All of this is his plan. It's written his way.

[00:23:03]When I got baptized, the words I whispered to myself before I actually dipped in that water.

[00:23:08]I can't share with y'all because that's me. That's between me and the man upstairs. But the words I gave him before I touched that water.

[00:23:15]Yeah.

[00:23:17]Yeah. That's all I can say. And and you know it's one of the greatest disservicees you can ever do yourself.

[00:23:27]So I want you to realize you don't know this movie. You've never witnessed this movie before. And I want to just sneak this in if I can. Side note, for everybody on their healing journey and it has something to do with their parents, understand this is your parents first time living as well. This is your parents first attempt at living as well.

[00:23:54]Give them grace. Give them grace.

[00:23:57]Because I realized a lot of my healing and the work I had to do was a lot of things I blame my parents for.

[00:24:07]It was a lot of conversations I had to have with my mother like, "Why didn't you treat us like this? Why didn't you look at me the way I look at Logan today? Why?"

[00:24:18]And my mother politely explained to me, "I looked at you guys.

[00:24:26]The ceiling in which I looked at you guys was I want to make sure I say this correctly. The ceiling in which my mother put on us was the floor in which her mother put on her.

[00:24:52]And I hope I'm saying that correctly.

[00:24:56]I'm saying it backwards. The floor in which my mother put on us was the ceiling in which her mother put on her.

[00:25:03]So the moment we were old enough, my mother sought her job to be do a little better than my mom did. And I told my mama, you know what the difference is? I don't put a ceiling on my child. I let him live whatever he want to be. That boy could be the president for all I know. But my job is to guide him all the way through life until I'm in the ground. And I won't lie, I've watched my parents change and I love them for changing and I love them for, you know, opening their horizon in terms of how to be a parent. I have two of the best parents in the world. I ain't going to lie to you. They did not do everything right, but the things they did do right, it it fostered a desire of love from me and my brothers. I showed my brothers on stream the other day. I think I want to start giving the world a little more of the dynamic of my family, you know. Um, so soon to come. But if we going to jump back to the topic, another thing that good people I've I've noticed good people [ __ ] up at, and it was absolutely one of my fuckups at one point in time.

[00:26:11]We didn't realize or we don't realize that loneliness changes your standards.

[00:26:18]To be alone forces you to now re-evaluate what you asking for. And a lot of people think that they're raising their standards because their standards are growing healthier.

[00:26:35]You're not raising your standards.

[00:26:37]You're training your standards. You working them [ __ ] out. You sweating off that fat. This is now a requirement for me at 30 that it wasn't a requirement at for me at 20. I'm growing. I know what I need now. Um, a lot of times people around us convince us that we're asking for too much.

[00:27:07]That's not the truth.

[00:27:10]There's that. The strongest people I know have been single for years, even abstinent for years, because they're making a choice not to settle. The moment you start negotiating with yourself like I can let this slide because it feels better than being alone. Disservice.

[00:27:32]Disservice.

[00:27:34]I am with I am with doing yourself no disservices.

[00:27:38]I would rather sit and I know people ask me. It's a lot of people in the world who assume that I like being single. I hate it. I [ __ ] hate it when I tell y'all I am the most I'm the happiest person in the world when I have a person.

[00:27:56]This does not feel comfortable for me.

[00:27:59]I've learned to exist in it, but it is not comfortable for me. I prefer to have somebody I come home to and lay down with every night. I prefer to have somebody I could call every day, check on them, they check on me. I prefer to have somebody I can be building a life with. Y'all, I can't wait to have a little girl. I can't wait. And I pray to God she has more qualities of her mother than she does of me because that's like having two little blessings. I pray for both of y'all.

[00:28:36]But being alone and sitting in that silence will convince you that having someone around is better than having no one around. And what happens is y'all start dating these people and you start making all this these excuses like I can live with that or they'll get it together or I can fix that. All these excuses for this person who's just not right for you and now you putting up with a liar.

[00:29:08]You're putting up with a manipulator.

[00:29:10]You're putting up with a gaslighter.

[00:29:11]You're putting up with a cheater. You're putting up with a a a man who doesn't even have respect for you. You're putting up with a a man who who's here one day and gone the next. You're putting up with like you're putting up with all these things because you feel it's better than sitting alone.

[00:29:29]The loudest room you can ever sit in is a silent one.

[00:29:34]When them thoughts are racing, h when them thoughts are racing, y'all know me, and this is still a fact to this day. It got better when I did get in a relationship, but the moment I got out of a relationship, it got right back bad.

[00:29:50]And actually, it didn't even really get too better because it was long distance.

[00:29:53]But like, I still have trouble sleeping because I got a taste of a dream life I loved.

[00:30:06]Me and my son's mother used to live together a long, long time ago. And I got a taste of what it was like to share space with somebody, to live with somebody, to wash to wash your clothes, and all y'all just mixed in together.

[00:30:20]you know, for two people to come home, for y'all to make arrangements on picking them up from daycare, and who going to do this, and who going to do that? I'mma run to the grocery store and and XYZ and blah blah blah, I got a taste of what it was like, and I fell in love with that.

[00:30:37]In the moment the love was ripped away, I had to do a whole different healing process on how that being ripped away affected me.

[00:30:50]I don't even remember how I used to sleep before then. Like, I promise you, I don't know. I didn't even know how I [ __ ] did it.

[00:30:59]Like, I think back to it and I swear to God, it feels like a dream.

[00:31:04]I swear to God, it feels like it was a dream.

[00:31:09]And that's okay because I know God has something in store for me. Oh my God.

[00:31:17]I'm going to be the most well-slept man when my wife gets here. When my lady comes, oh, y'all going to meet a koala.

[00:31:24]That [ __ ] gonna sleep 50% of the day. I'm sleeping 75% of the day. I ain't waking up till 300 p.m.

[00:31:33]podcast episodes going to be real late and don't let me be with somebody I can see every day. Oh, we [ __ ] this up, you know. But again, all that's here nor there. You got to I want you to sit with yourself and I want you to ask, how is this loneliness affected me?

[00:31:51]How is being by myself affecting me?

[00:31:57]Am I am I paying attention to the wrong things? Am I surrounding myself with the wrong people just to have company?

[00:32:04]I want you to ask yourself, how is your loneliness affecting you? What is it making you question?

[00:32:11]Because a lot of times the truth is it makes us question that initial thought. The moment you have that thought like, ah, this [ __ ] ain't it, you start to question it. Start to doubt it.

[00:32:23]We start to think that love equals endurance.

[00:32:29]just because I love this person or just because I have love for this person, I'mma stick around.

[00:32:37]But when you know they not right for you and you keep trying to love harder, good people try to love harder. We try to push through.

[00:32:46]We try to say, "Maybe I could just change the way I'm doing XYZ. It'll be better for them. It'll be better for me if I love them a little harder. If I give a little more. If I explain myself a little better, baby, it's not gonna happen. Maybe it's not in them to understand you.

[00:33:03]Maybe the man who's dying and trying to understand you, fighting to understand you, that that wants to understand you, is a conversation away, a night out with your friends away, a a lost lover boy podcast event away, I don't know, a family function away, a discord conversation away, I don't know.

[00:33:26]I don't know.

[00:33:28]But maybe they're right around the corner.

[00:33:31]Maybe.

[00:33:34]But that endurance tells us that we got to push and push and push. And that endurance tells you love ain't giving up on somebody.

[00:33:46]I don't think y'all hear me. That endurance tells you I can put up with whatever because by definition I love them.

[00:33:56]But sometimes loving yourself is being able to make the difficult decision and walking away.

[00:34:04]Sometimes loving them is letting them know I don't believe I'm the best person for you.

[00:34:15]And I ain't going to lie, it hurts. It hurts. Y'all, I've been through it.

[00:34:21]You've seen it.

[00:34:23]Yes, it hurts.

[00:34:26]But when your emotions are tied in that heavy, it's going to hurt.

[00:34:34]I told y'all before, I remember in a in a in a a song I heard when I was a kid comment. He said, "I want to be the one that makes you happiest and hurt you the most. They say the end is near. It's important that we close." And I was like, "Be the one that makes you happiest and hurt you the most?"

[00:34:52]Why the [ __ ] would you want to make hurt somebody you love? And then I thought about it and realized it's inevitable.

[00:35:02]I thought about it and realized that's just the power you possess when you love somebody.

[00:35:10]That's the power you possess.

[00:35:14]Maybe the person I walked away doesn't see how much love I have formed by doing so.

[00:35:22]But I do. God does. You know the prayers I put up.

[00:35:28]So a lot of times I'm going to need you to put a pause on that endurance for a second and ask yourself, why do I feel the need to push through?

[00:35:40]Why do I feel a need to keep beating at a door that simply won't open for me?

[00:35:48]Maybe it's because you beating on the wrong door.

[00:35:53]Maybe, you know, it's another thing we do as good people.

[00:35:58]And this is where I don't think a lot of people I don't think it's that we keep falling for the wrong person.

[00:36:10]To answer the question, I think we keep falling for the version of these people that we haven't healed within ourselves.

[00:36:26]I think that undone work we see is why we hang around, is why we give grace.

[00:36:39]Everybody say, "I'm healed. I'm healed.

[00:36:41]I'm healing."

[00:36:45]But ask yourself, you have to ask yourself. And this is one of the most important questions I think we fail to ask ourselves.

[00:36:58]Everybody asks, "Why do I love this person? Why should I love this person?

[00:37:02]Why am I here?" No.

[00:37:05]Ask yourself, who do I become around this person?

[00:37:11]What is their trauma supplying me?

[00:37:15]Who is it turning me into?

[00:37:19]Do you like having projects because it makes you feel more validated in yourself?

[00:37:30]is a part of who you are.

[00:37:34]Forced to choose a project because something deep down in you needs to heal somebody.

[00:37:44]Are you trying to validate yourself by loving this person? You got to ask yourself the question, who do I become?

[00:37:50]Who are they turning me into?

[00:37:55]is constantly arguing and being misunderstood and spending time attempting to explain yourself. Is it proving that you're loyal to a fault?

[00:38:07]Do you have a hard time believing that in yourself?

[00:38:10]I'm not saying any of this is you. I'm asking you, who do you become when that person is right in front of in front of you? Do you become anxious? Do you become avoidant?

[00:38:25]Do you become loud and angry? Who do you become?

[00:38:30]Because that's more important than any question about why am I here?

[00:38:36]If if chemistry didn't exist and the butterflies disappeared tomorrow, ask yourself, would I still be here with this person? Do I enjoy who they turned me into? Because loving the right person will make you feel soft. Loving the right person will make you feel light, easy to handle, a pleasure to hold.

[00:39:05]Loving the right person will make you attracted to yourself.

[00:39:11]So you got to ask yourself, am I attracted to who I am right now?

[00:39:17]What part of myself does I do I see in this person that allows me to supply them with so much grace and hang around so long and entertain them at all?

[00:39:29]You got to ask yourself the question of who do I become?

[00:39:35]And I think a lot of times we don't understand that choosing the wrong person does not make you foolish.

[00:39:49]Truly the choosing the wrong person is a reflection of your level of healing.

[00:39:56]That's it. That's all.

[00:39:59]It is a reflection of where you are in your healing journey.

[00:40:04]I'm not saying you ain't going to get it wrong for a few more times before you meet the right man.

[00:40:11]But what healing does, healing tells you when it's not for you.

[00:40:17]Not enough people leave relationships simply because the answer is it's not for me.

[00:40:24]A lot of times we look for reasons to leave. We still bank on that hope.

[00:40:31]But a lot of times the answer is as simple as this person isn't for me. This person isn't mine. This is not who God sent for me because it would not feel like this.

[00:40:43]The fact that you allow it to feels like that should tell you where you are in your healing journey.

[00:40:50]So no, I don't think the question should be why do good people keep falling for the wrong person.

[00:41:00]The question should be, what is it in this person that I see in myself?

[00:41:09]What is it in me that I need to work on?

[00:41:13]Because they're pulling something out of you that's keeping you around.

[00:41:19]If more people understood the idea of God's timing and it's all in his hands.

[00:41:26]The funniest thing about love, man, you can meet the person God has for you the day after you end it with a the wrong one. God will do that to you. But everything God has put you through has a purpose.

[00:41:39]God will keep walking you to the same door until you unlocked what he wants you to see out of that person.

[00:41:49]Pay attention to the signs. Pay attention to the details. Pay attention to yourself because it's more about you than it ever is the wrong person. I just want to let you know I love you. I appreciate you for coming in, tuning in to this episode. Um, I hope everybody walk away with just a little tidbit of something that would make you understand that there's no expectation on you to get it right. Not the first time, not the next time.

[00:42:21]You're human and you're going to go through human experiences. But I want you to understand how these human experiences are shaping who you are as a person. Healing not only changes what you're attracted to, but healing changes what you attract.

[00:42:44]People, you know, I I want to make this make sense. as much as possible. People who don't eat healthy don't pick up healthy foods.

[00:42:58]I just want to make listen to me now.

[00:43:02]You will never see people who don't eat vegetables in the vegetable aisle. See what I'm saying? You'll never see people who don't eat fruit, fresh produce in the produce aisle.

[00:43:15]It all starts within. I just want to say I love you into the raffle. Join the Discords. Get in on some of these conversations. There's so much more going on and I love the fact that we're building up community again. I was recently on a Discord talking about a community trip. Like get on here, join a tier, get in on some of these conversations. I would love to meet you personally. I'm going to announce these city tours we doing sometime soon. I'm so excited for everything going on.

[00:43:43]Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for loving me the same way I love you. And um peace out.

[00:43:48]>> I think it's time I finally try to find myself. I've been running from love, just trying to hide from all this pain I felt. Trying not to be the joke in the deck of whatever cards get dealt. They say a star still got to let them align themselves.