What is the etiquette for befriending a friends friend?

Added: 2026-05-19

[00:00:00]Look who pulled up for a catch up. It's here from 947 Afternoons. And if you're here, it means you've got taste. Go ahead, enjoy the moment you missed. But don't ghost me. Weekdays 12 to 3:00 p.m.

[00:00:12]on 947. I'm loud and way more fun in real time. And yeah, there's more audio magic waiting for you right here on Prime Media Plus.

[00:00:24]>> Wake up with a bang.

[00:00:26]>> HEY, WAKE UP. Anel and the club >> on 947.

[00:00:31]>> So this is how friendships end.

[00:00:35]>> How?

[00:00:36]>> Well, and I'm I'm saying this because I'm currently watching this in real time.

[00:00:40]>> Oh.

[00:00:41]>> Happening in in like not in my friendship circle, but in my uh in my extend my satellite friendship circle.

[00:00:48]Okay.

[00:00:49]>> Where people forget that there's an etiquette to befriending your friend's friend.

[00:00:56]befriending your friend's friend.

[00:00:58]>> Yes.

[00:00:58]>> Okay.

[00:00:59]>> So, let's say everybody met through me, >> right?

[00:01:01]>> Okay. And and then uh two of the friends decide that they're going to be friends >> even outside of you. Apparently, it's a thing. And apparently people don't like it.

[00:01:11]>> People catch feelings about this kind of stuff. Eh, >> I I've always found that when my friends get along, it makes my life easier because then you don't constantly have to be worrying about, ooh, oh, it's this friendship circle, it's that friendship circle. The fact that you can put all your friends in one melting pot, especially around birthdays, funerals, baby showers, weddings, and all of that, it should work easier. But apparently some people don't like it. And that's also allowed. Let's not judge them.

[00:01:35]>> Um I mean, look, I'm I'm not a big fan of mixing groups of friends cuz sometimes it doesn't work as an experiment. But from what I've heard, what what upsets people is, so you connect Cindy and I, right? And then we then arrange a meet up that you weren't aware of until you see Instagram snaps and you go, "Oh, so you guys have cut out the middleman. I thought the three of us were a trio type of thing." Yeah.

[00:02:02]>> Yeah. And people have rules around this kind of stuff and they'll catch feelings.

[00:02:05]>> There's there's etiquette. I found an article that has etiquette and I was like, "Okay, finally somebody put it into words, right?" Because the truth of the matter is people who feel like this, people who feel slighted when their friends become friends with their other friends, they are they are painted as being childish and you know uh insecure.

[00:02:21]But there's I think there's kind of merit to your feeling. So listen to this etiquette, >> okay?

[00:02:27]>> You must include rule one. You must include the friend who introduced you to the at least a few times before you guys hang out by yourselves, >> which is what I was saying >> cuz that's where they catch feelings.

[00:02:41]So, there's got to be a slow transition.

[00:02:42]>> Yeah. Yes. This, funny enough, rule two, the transition from hanging out uh the three of you to hanging out one-on-one can happen if and only the original friend has missed at least two of the in-person hangouts in a row.

[00:02:55]>> Sorry. Is this an adult friendship or a board game? What is going on here?

[00:02:59]>> Like, why are we having rules in adult friendships?

[00:03:02]>> Just to keep the peace.

[00:03:03]>> No. Why can't we all just understand different friends for different things, different people for different things?

[00:03:09]It's okay to have different friends for different things. And it's okay for people to be friends without you. The first time you and your friends hang out oneonone, you must take a selfie together and send it to the original friend, to the originator.

[00:03:25]>> So, what happened before cell phones?

[00:03:27]>> You send a letter.

[00:03:28]>> You're going to take a photo and then go to CNA >> and develop it.

[00:03:31]>> Develop it and then send it. No, guys.

[00:03:33]I'm sorry. You can't have rules around friendships.

[00:03:35]>> Rule four, it's the final rule.

[00:03:37]>> No. Never post a photo of you and your friend's friend unless she knows that you guys are together. So, it can't surprise me. I can't be scrolling through WhatsApp or Facebook or Twitter or whatever like, "Oh, >> Gaga."

[00:03:50]>> Although meeting and making sure there's no evidence sounds far more devious.

[00:03:55]>> Do you agree with any of these rules? Do you think there should be rules?

[00:04:00]>> I I mean, I don't care for it personally. Like I say, I like it when my friends get along, but I understand people who feel like this. So, if you got on Instagram this afternoon on your birthday and Cindy and Neil were I don't know at JL >> for brunch without you.

[00:04:14]>> You know why? Do you know why I like it?

[00:04:15]Because I I like them together cuz they're like the same person.

[00:04:19]>> She would only be upset cuz she'd be like, "It's my birthday. I'd like to come drink champagne." That's the only reason. She wouldn't be jealous of the friendship.

[00:04:25]>> I mean, friends of mine went on holiday together after meeting through me.

[00:04:29]>> But did they invite you?

[00:04:30]>> No, I didn't want to go.

[00:04:31]>> Oh, you didn't want to go? Yes. You see, this is why I would catch a little bit of feelings. Like if my two best friends started hanging out together without me, without inviting me, I'd be like, "What's happening? What did I do?"

[00:04:42]>> But you wouldn't have you wouldn't have a problem with them being friends, you would just have FOMO for how much fun they're going to have.

[00:04:48]>> Yeah. Well, I mean, I'd feel like I'm being cut out of the friendship.

[00:04:52]>> But if they included you the next time.

[00:04:54]>> Yeah, it's fine. Yeah.

[00:04:56]I think it's that you can be friends, but you guys now can't be friends more than you're friends with me.

[00:05:02]>> Mhm.

[00:05:03]>> I think that's 0118838947.

[00:05:08]This is why I'm I'm protecting you here.

[00:05:10]You're not childish. Just run us through it. Run us through why you don't want your friends being friends with your other friends without you in the mix.

[00:05:17]>> Um, at this point of the game, I can admit that I might be instigating a little bit of a friendship coup.

[00:05:25]>> Right. But I'll tell you just now about it.

[00:05:27]>> But my bestie, but I'm been very open about it. So he knows.

[00:05:32]>> So he knows it's coming.

[00:05:33]>> He knows it's coming.

[00:05:34]>> You're poaching.

[00:05:35]>> Poaching his friend.

[00:05:37]>> Yes.

[00:05:37]>> And you want his friend to be better friends with you than him.

[00:05:40]>> We'll talk about it just now.

[00:05:41]>> 08400947.

[00:05:44]Apparently there's an etiquette to befriending a friend's friend. Has this ever happened to you? Do you wish that these rules were followed?

[00:05:51]>> Where does it stand now? Has it caused havoc? Is there tension? Have you lost friends because of this?

[00:05:58]>> I can imagine a lot of people have gone through this.

[00:06:00]>> Some are against you, some are for you, but don't worry. It's all balance. Not Not everyone is going to jump down your throat. Just Cindy.

[00:06:07]>> Yeah.

[00:06:07]>> We all need to be mature about this and realize that people may have more than one friend. You are not entitled to be the only friend of your friend. Friends get to make more friends. People should just do whatever they want. Whether or not they met through me or whatever the situation is, I really I do not mind. I could not be bothered. I actually don't care. I love for them to be happy without me because sometimes I'll be busy to be there or whatever the case would be.

[00:06:34]>> Do you know what's worse than your friends becoming friends behind your back? When your sister and your mother-in-law becomes besties and having key dates and they don't include you.

[00:06:44]>> It's about not being included. You see, this is the problem. When you become friends with your friends, sister's not cool for that because >> she I mean I'm not saying even your mother-in-law, she's just saying that she prefers your sister to you.

[00:06:59]>> Well, they just connect better. You see, they obviously that's what the issue is here.

[00:07:04]>> Yeah. We'll we'll see at Christmas who connects better with who when it's time for me to buy you a gift. What's your story?

[00:07:08]>> Okay. So, my best friend's name is Vicas, right?

[00:07:10]>> Yes.

[00:07:11]>> We gym together all the time.

[00:07:13]>> Lovely. Play some tennis. He's back on the tennis court now. Paddle, etc. Played paddle on him.

[00:07:17]>> Real man. Real man.

[00:07:18]>> Real man. real man. He has a friend called Jimmy.

[00:07:21]>> Is this the one that you're trying desperately to be friends with?

[00:07:23]>> Yes. So Jimmy is an exceptionally nice guy.

[00:07:26]>> Everyone says this.

[00:07:27]>> Like he's so cool. And I wish I could be friends with Jimmy. But we are connected through Vicas. Um but Vicas, I don't think Jimmy knows this, but Vicas knows.

[00:07:37]I've said to him, I if I could be friends with Jimmy, I I'd choose that.

[00:07:42]>> So what's stopping you from being friends with Jimmy?

[00:07:44]>> Well, Jimmy's got a lot of friends, you see. So So at the moment, >> there's there's a cue. There's a waiting list for Jimmy's friend. So Jimmy, obviously we know each other and we've seen each other a few times, met a few times.

[00:07:54]>> So you've never been around Jimmy without Vicas there. This is what you want. You want one-on-one time with Jimmy.

[00:07:59]>> But now this is what we're talking about cuz the etiquette here states that we shouldn't be doing I shouldn't be pursuing that.

[00:08:06]>> No, this etiquette only applies when both parties want to be friends.

[00:08:11]>> Are you saying that Jimmy >> Roani in Limpopo? Good morning.

[00:08:17]Happy birthday.

[00:08:18]>> Thank you so much, Roani. I'm having a good day.

[00:08:21]>> I can hear.

[00:08:23]>> Okay. Talk to us. What do you think about this friendship etiquette?

[00:08:27]>> You know what? I'm not for the etiquette, per se, in terms of how you explain it with taking selfies and whatnot. I think that's too much. I mean, we're all adults and, you know, we can just manage, you know, our own um emotions, etc. But for me, the only problem is when you when the friend who the friends who've now become friends um start um you know the main friend that you've now connected the other friends you start talking badly about you to the other friend and that friend the friend that you have a solid relationship with now starts taking the the other friend's side. So I remember for example my husband is so his friend doesn't stay here he stays um in Jober. So the one day he um and they were like they those phrases had like would speak every single day on the phone like whether you morning noon like every single day and the one day um he didn't say anything and he rocked up the side and my husband bumped into him like it was a surprise.

[00:09:21]>> So I think those kinds of things are just I feel like that's where you are disregarding the the friendship like just a simple call like hey dude I'm it was last minute but I am around I might see you I might not you know so that when you do see me it's not a surprise.

[00:09:33]So for me that's the only issue.

[00:09:35]Otherwise, you know, friends can be friends and it's always nice when friends or friends become friends.

[00:09:40]>> It it really is easier because even your trips away are much easier cuz you're not playing middleman where you're like, "Oh, you know, she also likes cooking.

[00:09:47]Oh, yeah. Everyone gets along cuz they know each other. But even with that guys, there is boundaries like you're saying. There's no way now you are in my neighborhood when you used to come and visit me all the time and you don't say anything because you're somewhere else."

[00:10:01]>> Exactly. Yeah. So, and I mean I mean they can have their own, you know, friendship without you being there. But I think just or I think just remember like who your main friend is and that you know you should you should by all means try and protect that that friendship because if you allow someone else to come and poison that friendship then yeah cuz even now they're like it's so sad they they don't even speak as much. It's as if they don't even know each other. That's how bad things >> and that's the sad thing. That's what happens right cuz obviously now you know you feel betrayed. I think that's because you feel betrayed by your friends.

[00:10:34]>> So when like I'm watching this happen in my periphery uh friendship circle and it's purely because if you and I are really good friends, right? And I tell you everything, you must remember that if I want to moan about Cindy, who's also my friend, but you guys are not friends. You're my safe space where I I bounce of you. You know, Cindy and I have got this issue, but she's like this and she's like that. So, it doesn't mean that I don't love Cindy any less, but it just means that if there is something that her and I are grappling with, I will confide in Frankie. Correct. Now, if Frankie and Cindy become friends, now my vault is gone.

[00:11:07]>> And everything I've ever said about Cindy >> to Frankie, now >> Yeah. Now they're >> You know what I'm saying? I get it.

[00:11:14]>> Like, well, you know, Anel once said this about you. Yes. But you now you're just giving that you're not giving the context and how I was feeling and what was happening between me and you then because humans are complex creatures. We go up, we go down, we go left, we go right.

[00:11:27]>> Emotional.

[00:11:28]>> Yeah. So I just think the whole like friendship amalgamating is that you now no longer have safe spaces.

[00:11:35]>> Yeah. You don't have like like you're saying an individual friend of two that you can go to.

[00:11:40]>> Yeah. Sala in Centurion. Good morning.

[00:11:44]>> Good morning guys. How you guys doing?

[00:11:45]>> We're great. You say you're going through the same thing.

[00:11:48]>> Yeah, it's wild for me, guys, because um I'm with a I was I was with a friend.

[00:11:53]I'm going to say was cuz uh we're not friends anymore. Uh and this has been I was friends with him 20 years, you know what I mean? And he introduced me to a friend of his. Um we got into business with this friend of his.

[00:12:07]>> Um and then we, you know, we we we built a relationship because of the business side of it, you know what I mean? But he's always he was always my best friend and I would go to to them and we would uh chill together the three of us. H it was always the three of us and then you know me and the the the the side friends we we got closer because of the business side >> he got years of it. He started um spreading rumors about me and to our other friends and you know I mean he messed that up and by him doing that me and the guy became closer >> closer >> to a point where now we are best friends you know >> and now he's going to be the best man at your wedding and not your real friend >> you know what I mean and it's not because of me it's because of him >> yeah he's the one that caught feelings >> back to making your morning >> and the club >> I love this show on 947 Seven.