You Don't Have To Carry Other People's Energy

Added: 2026-05-15

[00:00:00]Well, today's video is a little bit different. I know that we've spent a lot of time talking about difficult friendships, changing relationships, things just not the same as they used to be.

[00:00:15]>> [gasps] >> But, the truth is that difficult people don't just disappear. Sometimes, they're part of our everyday life. Sometimes, they're people we feel a great sense of responsibility toward. So, instead of focusing on how others behave, this video is about something more empowering. What can we do to empower ourselves? How do we protect our own peace when we have to be around people that aren't always peaceful? How do we stop absorbing other people's energy, their frustration, their negativity, or even their unkindness? How do we just, you know, brush it off and let it go? And how do we stay grounded in ourselves, in what we believe in, and what we want our life to be like? If you've ever walked away from a conversation feeling drained, exhausted, this video is for you.

[00:01:22]Because the one important thing I want you to take away from today is that you don't have to carry what isn't yours to carry.

[00:01:35]Well, today for a little change, I'm having iced Vietnamese coffee. I have fallen in love with a small locally owned Vietnamese sandwich shop in our town, and oh boy, this will last me all day, but what a treat. If you haven't had one, I recommend it. Before we get into day to into today's topic, I want to apologize for being gone for the last 2 weeks. I shared in my post that one of my boys opened a brand new car wash of all things. So, for the last 2 weeks, it's been all hands-on deck, and I've actually been out on the street with a giant red sign that says free car wash, walking back and forth and cheering to get people to come into our car wash.

[00:02:23]So, I have no energy left for anything else, but I thought that was where I would be most helpful. So, happy to be back, excited to see all of you, and get this conversation going today. Let's talk about us. Let's talk about taking power back. I don't know about you, but I used to think that my goal was to avoid difficult people, but that's not real life. The real shift for me came when I realized that I could learn how to be around people that really weren't my cup of tea without letting them get to me. Because not everyone's going to like me. Not everyone's going to like you. And I guess that's the first realization, and then getting comfortable. You know, we've talked a lot here on the channel about difficult friendship, but difficult people don't always get to just disappear.

[00:03:21]Sometimes they're family. Sometimes they're a sibling, a spouse, someone you just can't walk away from. So, you have to learn how to pivot. And the question becomes, how do I stay me when they're being them? And this could be a new version of them. People don't always change for the best. So, we have to kind of reframe our whole mindset, and realize that their mood is not my assignment.

[00:03:54]I can't let them knock me out of my lane. I don't have to process what they refuse or are unable to manage because not everything that they do or say requires my reaction or my action. So, what are some easy tools to use? Things we can kind of keep it simple but are easy for us to remember when we get put in those sometimes what turn out to be stressful situations. Well, the first thing I use is the pause, right?

[00:04:30]You don't have to comment constantly.

[00:04:33]Not everything someone says to you, emails to you, texts to you deserves a response in real time.

[00:04:42]Just let the air navigate its way.

[00:04:46]Number two, you don't have to match their tone. You can actually lower yours to help settle things down a bit. And be aware of your internal boundaries. Tell yourself, just because I hear it doesn't mean I have to take it on. Honestly, you don't really even have to listen. You can kind of go to your happy place.

[00:05:07]>> [laughter] [gasps] >> Try to work with short responses, little comments like, "Hmm." Or, "I hear you."

[00:05:15]Or, "I guess that's one way to look at it."

[00:05:19]And those are you're you're responding, but you're not investing.

[00:05:24]Actually, you're teaching them that you're not willing to engage emotionally. And a lot of people like that need the oxygen.

[00:05:32]Another idea is exit without drama.

[00:05:36]Yeah.

[00:05:37]I used to when I was a younger woman, like when I'd had it, I'd had it. But, when you leave, you don't need to give a speech. You don't need to stomp your hand, stomp your foot, grab your coat, walk out quickly, just quietly exit.

[00:05:53]So, quick story about leaving with a little too much drama. You know, at the end of the day, people are going to talk about you when you give them something to talk about.

[00:06:07]And I was chatting with a woman few months ago, and she was sharing a story with me. Uh she's actually asking for my advice, but I um didn't have any good news to give [laughter] to her. But, she's someone who I know of in my community. I think she's a pretty cool woman, several years younger than me, very active in the community, very business-minded, gives back generously of her time and treasure.

[00:06:38]And she's been part of a local civic organization for many, many years. And the organization has been slowly but surely changing, right? As we age up, unfortunately, um a new group comes in with their own ideas, and every organization, every social group goes through those changes. And sometimes, as we age, we don't appreciate the change, we don't like the change.

[00:07:07]And sometimes, we realize that we're getting pushed out. And that happened to her. And she said, instead of handling it as she would like to normally handle problems, professionally, quietly, no drama, she said she let it get to her, and at a board meeting, she uh kind of stormed out. Those were her words. And she was regretting it, because she realized that after she left, that that would be the last thing people would talk about. And her question for me was how do I get over the embarrassment? I didn't handle that the way I wanted to. I gave decades to that organization, and now I'm afraid there's a whole new group of people that all they know about me is the fact that I got fed up and I walked out dramatically.

[00:08:03]As I told her, you know, we can't we can't redo a lot of choices that we make. Not every situation is perfect for each of us. Sometimes we stay too long at the dance, and maybe in this case what had been building for months and months, she let get under her skin instead of stepping back quietly and slowly when no one would really notice because quite honestly, wasn't she just staying for herself and for the pride she had in the group, for the time, the energy, the treasure that she had poured into it? But my only advice to her was let it let it go.

[00:08:46]Time will pass. This new group of leaders that have come into the organization will eventually get pushed out themselves. And one of the things that she could always look back on was that the organization thrived under her leadership and and the women that served with her.

[00:09:06]And it was probably some of the most generous giving years that that organization has ever seen. And I said, "Don't be surprised in a couple of years you're going to get a phone call and someone from that organization is going to say, 'Hey, could you come to a board meeting? We're having a little trouble here and there and we'd like you to share with us how things were done in the glory days.'

[00:09:30]So, we've all done it. We've all made mistakes. We've all stormed out. We've all, you know, um overshared, overtalked, said silly things, said stupid things, embarrassing things, been embarrassed. It's happened to every one of us. It's part of being human. But I've always found that if I project too much on what I think other people are saying, thinking about me, then I get a lot more embarrassed and a lot more concerned than I really should be. Just let it go. Time forgives all, and we get to move on and just be grateful for the impact that you made, the time that you gave, the change that you were part of.

[00:10:20]Well, exiting without drama is always one of the toughest lessons for many of us. But when you get that down, boy, is it empowering, because you don't need a speech, you don't need an explanation, you don't need a one-act play to leave a group or to leave a conversation, or for that matter, to leave a friendship.

[00:10:44]So, sometimes it is a social group, sometimes it's an old friend that changed, a sibling that's become more negative over the years, a hypercritical parent, or even an irritable spouse, or even the lovely neighbor next door who isn't so lovely anymore.

[00:11:03]But I think this is about empowering ourselves, bringing it back to us, because peace isn't really something that other people give you.

[00:11:17]It's something that you protect. Your It's your peace. It's up to you. And I think that once we learn how to do that, the difficult people, they don't necessarily need to disappear, but their impact does. I'd love to hear what you think about this subject. How have you learned to navigate difficult people while maybe keeping them in your life, maybe limiting their access to you, but first and foremost, protecting yourself? Because we don't always have the choice of walking away from someone in our life. And and sometimes we don't even want to be faced with that choice. We just want things to be a little bit easier, a little less exhausting, and maybe yes, find a balance that works for all of us.

[00:12:21]Well, I look forward to hearing from you in the comments. How are you managing friendships, relationships that have changed over the years, that maybe aren't as much fun or as relaxing or as enjoyable as they used to be? How are you putting yourself first? Well, I hope all is well with you. I look forward to seeing you next week and look forward to talking to you in the comments. Take care. Bye-bye.