If you have ever needed to hear "I love you" three times in one day and still felt unsure, you are

Added: 2026-05-23

[00:00:00]If you keep getting reassurance, but it never feels like enough. The fear isn't reassurance. It's abandonment. I'm Melissa Dvarus Thompson. I'm a licensed therapist. And here's what I see again and again with anxiously attached partners. You ask if they love you. They say yes. And 5 minutes later, you need to ask again, not because they didn't answer, because the answer didn't reach the part of you that was actually scared. So, here's what is actually happening. Reassurance addresses the question on the surface. It doesn't touch the older wound that learned love wasn't safe. So, you keep asking, and I've been there different ways, different times, and the asking never quite satisfies because no answer can.

[00:00:41]The actual work isn't getting more reassurance from your partner. Even though that can be nice, it's slowly building that part of you that can hold the uncertainty of being loved. That work happens in small moments. The text that doesn't come back right away, and you notice, I'm still okay. the disagreement that doesn't end the relationship and you notice we're still here. Each time your nervous system gets new evidence, you can be loved and uncertain. Both can be true. So save this for the next time that you feel the urge to ask one more time. And again, I've been there. Free attachment style quiz is linked in my bio. It's a great place to start.