When parents verbalize their internal thought processes and reasoning behind decisions, children feel respected and understood rather than controlled, which significantly reduces tantrums and meltdowns; this practice of 'mentalizing' helps children understand that parents are actively trying to help them rather than ignoring their needs.
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Stop Tantrums Explain Your Actions to Kids!Added:
Where's that email for that Evite and then what time is it? Do we have time to go to Target to get a gift? And is the weather okay? And I'm doing all the things and in my head I'm trying to find the answer for him. But all he sees is this.
>> Oh. And so he starts to throw a fit. And so the good mom that I am, I go, "Uh-uh, no sir. We do not act like that in this house. I am trying to find out if we're going to Jackson's party."
I love you for that.
And he is just baffled and crying and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, oh you sweet angel baby. You did not know that my head was trying to get the answers for you and that that's what I was trying to do for you. And so even a little four or five year old needs to know, what are you doing behind there?"
>> Yeah, we need to mentalize it.
>> I started verbalizing every single whether they listen or not and let's be real, a lot of times they're not listening to me.
But what's the weather today? Or I'm going to email your teacher right now to let her know I'm picking you up early. I narrate all every reason I'm picking up my phone in front of them. Yes. I love it.
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