The problem with wanting everyone to LIKE you!!

Added: 2026-05-31

[00:00:00]On today's video, I want to give you a couple of things that make me hate external validation and why you should hate it as well.

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[00:00:33]In the olden days, way, way, way back while we were still hunter-gatherers, our protection and our safety was dependent on other people. If people didn't like you in your small tribe, you're not going to be protected by your brothers and sisters. You needed people to like you. You needed people to see that you are a good person. You needed to be validated. So, you guys validating each other was very, very important.

[00:00:57]Even when we are young, even when we are babies, we really need the validation of our parents and the people that are older than us or the adults in our lives to validate us. Validation at that time of your life is very important. You need to know what is right, what is wrong. If you do something and your mom says, "Yay, Nana, you did such a good job."

[00:01:17]You know that, "Oh, okay, I should continue doing this thing." If your mom is angry at you and changes her face, you know that, "Mhm, I shouldn't do this thing." Validation is something that you used in order to be safe. The problem though with external validation, as you know with everything else, too much of everything is not good. Too much of everything is unhealthy. External validation is good when you want it, but you don't need it. If you need external validation, if you can't move, you can't do anything without someone else giving you the go-ahead, that's a problem. When you need other people to validate you, when you need external things to validate you, your money, your success, your relationships, the way you look, you need those to validate you. That's where the problem comes. And also, when you need external validation from everybody, that's where the problem comes. Getting validated by your partner, your mother, or people that you actually do give a damn about, people that you do admire, people that you do value, people that you do look up to is not bad. Being validated is actually a good thing. It feels nice when someone validates you and shows gratitude, right? And shows you that they appreciate you, and shows you that what you're doing is well. Every human being likes that thing. The problem starts when if you don't get that external applause, then you start feeling like you are nobody. You need it, you are dependent on it. That's when external validation starts being a problem. And when it's like that, it can cause a lot of problems, which is what I want to share with you today. Things that make me hate depending on external validation. The first thing that makes me hate needing external validation is that it turns you into a hoe. When you are seeking external validation from everybody, you start wanting guys or girls you would never even date to compliment you. The random guy at the shop, they need to tell you that you look good, because if they didn't tell you that you look good, then you don't look good. Your delivery guy, the guy that fixes the electricity, everybody.

[00:03:20]You go to the Texaco, and you go to the mall, you want to be complimented. And if you are not complimented, then it means there's something wrong with you.

[00:03:27]You want to be liked, you want people to show you that they are attracted to you.

[00:03:32]You want people to validate you. Even people that don't mean that much to you.

[00:03:36]You want random random strangers to validate you. And that, my friend, that will turn you into a hoe. Because you will start dating people, random people, random guys, random girls, because they validate you. They give you what you are looking for. You'll find that it gets to a point where you even want your friends' partners to validate you. You start becoming that friend that people don't trust their partners around because when are you change your voice when you see someone else's partner, when are you want to look good when you see someone else's partner. You might not even be aware that this is happening. And then you'll go around saying, "Oh, people don't like me. I think I have isinyama. There's something wrong with me." But the things that you are doing because they are out of your conscious awareness, you are not even aware that you're doing them, make people not like you. You see how dangerous seeking external validation is. The second thing, which is almost similar as the first one, is that you become a people pleaser. Because you want everyone to validate you. Remember when I it's not only certain people that you want validation from, you want external validation from everybody. So, you will become a people pleaser.

[00:04:45]Because people have to validate you, you feel like you need to make them validate you. So, you will please everybody. You will please this person, you will please this person. And if you are a people pleaser and you please everybody, then you will be fake. People will call you the fake friend. Seeking external validation makes you a people pleaser because you feel like if this person doesn't validate me, I need to please them. Oh, even this one is to validate me. So, let me please them. So, you change when are you like a chameleon.

[00:05:14]You get along with everyone. You see a person that gets along with literally everyone. I'm not saying that you should be a troublesome person. But I'm saying that there are people that are so different that it would be really, really hard if you got along with this one, you would even get along with this one. People pleasing is very, very, very tiring. I can make a whole other video about people pleasing because I've been there. I I've literally been there. So, seeking external validation from everybody will make you a people pleaser. And when you are a people pleaser, people will call you fake because you are fake. You change who you are based on who you are with. You don't know yourself. You don't have a sense of self. You that that thing I hate about seeking external validation from everybody is that it makes you insecure.

[00:06:01]When you seek external validation from everybody, you feel like you always have to perform. You feel like you are always performing for people. You feel like everyone is looking at you and you need to please everyone. And when you feel like you are performing for everyone, you notice your insecurities even more.

[00:06:19]I need to look good, otherwise the people that value beauty are not going to validate me. Oh, I think I'm gaining weight. Oh, I need to lose weight. Oh, I can't go to that party because I don't have nice clothes. I can't do that because I don't look a certain way. What if they judge me? What if they're looking at me? What if What if What if What if What if? You become so so so so insecure. Being insecure is another very tiring thing. You see why I hate external validation. You are always tired. You When you seek external validation, you always feel tired. You will always feel drained. The fourth thing I hate about seeking external validation from everybody is that it keeps you small. Because you want everyone to please you, you can't grow to your full potential. You can't actually be who you want to be. Things always have to go right. You always have to be on point. You can't make mistakes.

[00:07:08]Now, when you are small, you always choose the low-hanging fruit. Whether it's with partners, you will date the worst people. Like people will look at you and say, "Oh my god, such a beautiful girl. Such a handsome guy. Why do you go for guys like that?" And now you don't even know. In your eyes, they are fine. You will go for the worst worst people. You will go for the worst worst friends. You will go for the worst jobs because external validation makes you small and makes you insecure. Those two combined together, you will always choose the low-hanging fruit. You will always go for the worst, the lowest because it's easier to please people that are down here. It's easier to please a job that is down here. You understand? You will stay small. You are so afraid of being judged. You are so afraid of not being validated that you don't even try new things. You don't go all out. You don't leave life. Seeking external validation from everybody sucks the soul out of you. You are not living.

[00:08:10]You are just existing. You are not alive. If your whole life is a performance. And the thing is you're not only performing for one group, for one crowd. You know, it makes sense if you're performing for your parents, right? If you only seek external validation from your parents. Now, granted, it's not ideal. I mean, it's not the best thing, but at least you know what your parents want and you can do that and then the rest of your life is fine. But if you're seeking external validation from your friends, from your family, from strangers, from the random guy at the shops, everybody, when everybody you think everybody has an opinion about you, it sucks the life out of you. But the thing that you need to remember is that you didn't choose to be like that. Who you are right now is not your fault. You need to understand that if you do seek external validation, I am not here to shame you. I was in the same boat as you. It is not your fault. The people that were around you while you were growing up didn't validate you or they didn't give you the self-confidence and the self-worth that you needed in order to know that you don't need other people's validation. You were taught that other people's opinion matters more than your own. So, you seek other people's opinion. It is so common. It is not something that is rare. It's so common. And the irony is that when you're afraid of being misunderstood, that's when a lot of people actually misunderstand you. Cuz like I said, you become this fake person, right? You don't even have your own true opinion.

[00:09:38]You say something and then if someone else disagree with that thing, it's either you're going to attack that person or you're going to take it back and say, "Ah, no, no. Actually, maybe I am wrong." You don't have a sense of self. It is so draining and so tiring, but you can change that. Go watch this video if you haven't seen it on how you can develop a good sense of self-worth so that you start valuing your opinion and you stop valuing other people's opinion so much. Other people's opinion is their opinion, but your opinion should be number one in your life, not other people's opinion. When someone else congratulate you, when someone else says, "Oh, yes, you look good. You are so attractive." It's a bonus because you already give that to yourself. You have your own sense of self-worth. It's not something you need from them. You are full and what they are giving you is just dessert. It's nice to have, but you don't need it. You have to have a sense of self- trust. You need to depend on yourself. You need to be a boss in your life.

[00:10:40]I actually will make a video about that.

[00:10:43]I will make a video about self-trust, trusting yourself because when you trust yourself, I promise you, you have this other superpower, okay? Other people's validation will not matter that much to you. It will just be a sweet treat, not the whole meal. Thank you so much if you made it this far to the video. I really, really do appreciate it. Please do give it a thumbs up if you like anything, learned anything, or resonated with anything I had to say today. If you haven't clicked the subscribe button, please do. It's for free and it takes away nothing from you. If you did make it this far, please leave this emoji in the comment section so that I know that you're a real one and I will see you on the next one.