Retirement DANGER Depression: The Silent Struggle

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]We spend decades chasing retirement believing it is going to be the happiest time of our lives. But what if I told you that for many it is not? Channels like mine, we mostly focus on the financial side and then also the emotional side, the happy side, the freedom of travel and the joy of being able to do just whatever you want. And that is great. Unfortunately though, it is not the reality for a high percentage of people that retire. I call this the danger zone. The three most important things to think of outside of your financial life, they are awareness about divorce, loneliness, and depression. And today, we're going to talk about depression. So, that's what we're going to talk about in this video. I'm going to share with you some shocking numbers, statistics on how many people are going to potentially face this when they reach retirement. Then I'm going to share with you some other statistics that are shocking in a positive way about how we actually do have some control over the way that we feel emotionally in our lives. And then the third thing which I think is going to be really important is a model to help you or perhaps someone you know navigate through this emotional change that we call retirement. And right off the bat, let me acknowledge that May, this month is National Mental Health Awareness Month. If you or someone you know is at this time facing a mental health crisis, real quickly, there is a resource that hopefully you are all familiar with. It is the 988 number. I'll throw it up here. If you are facing a crisis right now, quit watching this video, dial 988 or go to their website. You can text, you can do an online chat, or you can call and speak to a professional not just for you or perhaps you can get some advice to help someone else that is facing this issue. Let's dive into the research. The research is saying that one in three people will experience depression in retirement. And the risk for this go up greatly if someone finds themselves retired not necessarily by their own choice which is happening more and more.

[00:01:56]People find themselves retiring due to an unexpected layoff. Others may experience a health issue that causes them to have to step into retirement.

[00:02:05]our generation, generation X, many people are in that sandwich generation and finding themselves having to retire early due to needing to take care of their parents or maybe even take care of their adult children. The bottom line there is that many of us are finding ourselves in retirement not by choice.

[00:02:22]And so as a result, we find ourselves depressed because we're into the circumstance that we were not expecting.

[00:02:27]Retirement itself isn't necessarily the problem. Sometimes it's what disappears as a result of this change. Many of us when we retire, we lose something that was important. We maybe lose structure.

[00:02:39]We lose that social interaction with other people. We lose that opportunity to have a sense of accomplishment. When you retire, your personality doesn't change. Often it can magnify things that already existed. It can magnify the good things. It can also magnify the not so good things. I think of the classic story about the person who was an angry bitter person in control of everyone at work and finds themselves not working but then finds themselves in charge of the neighborhood HOA. You know that person, the real person who's going around and trying to control everyone's life in the neighborhood. They were most likely that negative control freak at work and they found themselves just needing to transfer that behavior to something else. In this person's case, being president of your local HOA. When you first retire, there is that honeymoon period, that woo, that big relief that yes, I finally am out. I can do whatever I want. And it feels like a big vacation for at least that first six months, at least for many people. You start to do the traveling. You're experiencing that freedom. You got all these goals and this bent up desires that maybe you had set and thought about over the years, and now you have the opportunity to do them. But over time, over time, a sense of routine starts to take place. And that is kind of the critical danger zone. The moment when you got to be really intentional about what you are doing with your life, with your present, and also with your future.

[00:03:59]Danger zone is a critical time where we can fall back into our emotional tendencies. I want to be completely transparent here. I am a pretty positive person, as you probably know if you've watched any of my videos. But that is not the reality of who I am. I tend to lean towards melancholy, meaning that I tend to be someone who looks at things negatively, who has a negative attitude.

[00:04:20]Believe it or not, fortunately for me, I discovered this very early in my life.

[00:04:25]And I came to a point back in college where I realized that maybe I do have a little bit of control over who I am or at least how I feel about who I am. Have you ever asked yourself why am I not happier? Why is it that I have achieved this goal? It can be retirement. It can be something else. And why did achieving this goal not bring back the level of happiness that I thought that it would?

[00:04:47]Part of it is because there is significant part within our personalities that we have zero control over it. And there are parts of it that we do have control over. This is known in positive psychology as the happiness pie. In the happiness pie, 50% or so of how we feel about ourselves is genetic.

[00:05:03]It's just the way that we were born. And here's a shocking part. A very tiny percent of it, 10% is tied to our actual circumstance and 40% of it comes from our intentional activities and our attitude because some things are out of our control. But as these statistics show, there is significant portion of our lives that is totally within our control. First, let's talk about that 50%. We all know that person that tends to be positive no matter what happens, no matter what storm comes in their life. They look at it as sunshine and that it's going to lead to something more positive. At the same time, you probably know someone that given the same equal circumstance is always going to have a negative outlook to what is going to happen or what is happening at that current time. For many of us, that is due to our baseline genetic tendency to go one direction or the other. In my case, as I mentioned earlier, I do actually tend to lean towards the negative side and have for most of my life. Fortunately, these next two statistics show us that we don't have to be that way. I was shocked when I saw that just 10% of the way that we feel is due to our circumstances. But if you think about it, you can see all around you how that can be true. We know people that are in the worst possible of circumstances around them. They could be in a war torn country or maybe they have a terrible health situation and yet they remain positive. That circumstance is not determining their life. And it is shocking to know that it only statistically is about 10%. And a lot of people tend to focus on that 10%. They go out and buy the big RV or they take the big trip thinking that it is going to change their life and make everything so much better. But in reality, it has a very small influence. And here is the important one. It is the 40% the intentional activity. I've often said that when things are not going well in life at least I've said this internally I have two choices. I can one I can change my circumstance or I can two I can change my attitude. And if you look at that 40% it is the attitude part that is easiest to change. I had someone on a video which is part of why I thought about making this one a few weeks ago say that I talk about toxic positivity.

[00:07:10]To me, toxic positivity is that person that is going to blaze forward no matter what, ignoring everything around them.

[00:07:16]If you're having good positivity, it means you're also willing to make some changes. Intentional things that you can do to influence your positivity is relationships. Maybe in retirement, it's a time that you can deepen the relationships with the people that you already have. Maybe it's a good time to go out and find new relationships. There have been many times in my life where I found I was surrounded by negative people that were adding energy to that negiveness inside me and I decided just to shed all them and move on to someone else. Gratitude is something that I talk about a lot on this channel. Having that sense where you sit down and you're quiet and you just think about all the good things that you have in your life.

[00:07:54]I keep a gratitude list. I have it on my phone and when I am in that state of gratitude, I type it down as something that I am very happy about in my life.

[00:08:02]when maybe I'm falling into that pit where I'm not so happy, I pull that list up and now years later there are hundreds of things on that list, hundreds of minute, hundreds of moments of gratitude that I can look at and reflect on. And of course, there are many other things. I believe we were put on this earth not to be consumers, people who only take from the world, but we're also on this earth to give back.

[00:08:24]And you can do that through volunteering, perhaps mentoring for someone else, even doing a YouTube channel like this where you are giving back to the world. Either way, when you move away from simply being a consumer, also into being a giver, it not only helps the world, but it can make a huge difference with your mental health. The most important about this, it is not just think positive. It is about being intentional with your actions and intentional with your life. These small intentional behaviors matter far more than perhaps most of us realize. So what can we do to ensure that our mental health is also good in retirement? Well, in positive psychology there is a model and I love models because they just kind of give it give you a structure of how you can make things better. So the model that I want to talk about is called perma. Perma stands for positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishments. Positive emotion goes back to what I talked about earlier. Understanding and being able to feel that state of gratitude, especially just enjoying the simple moments, that coffee in the morning, that talk with a good friend, just the simple things.

[00:09:28]Doesn't have to be something big.

[00:09:29]Engagement is that getting out there and doing something, trying new hobbies, or maybe being engaged in the community through volunteerism or something, but engagement means that you are actually out in the world doing stuff. The relationship part is especially important during this period in life.

[00:09:45]We've lost those social connections that we had at work and maybe our relationship circle has scattered. This is a time to go deep and find those new relationships or if you have a relationship that maybe you need to go deeper with, maybe that conversation with your wife or that old friend that you call up and say, "Hey, we need to reconnect." Meaning that is the purpose part, the big question. Why? Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life?

[00:10:11]What legacy am I going to leave behind?

[00:10:13]I find meaning through my relationship with my family, through my volunteerism, through this channel. It gives me meaning. My faith gives me meaning as I think about why I am here. And this last one is accomplishment. Yes, goals do still matter. This can be a danger zone.

[00:10:29]If you are one of those type A oriented, you know, goal type people and you get into retirement and you see every day as an objective, that can be a bad thing.

[00:10:38]At the same time, it's also important to have small baby steps, things that during the week or perhaps during the day that you want to accomplish and you can look back and go, "Yeah, I did that.

[00:10:48]That was a pretty good day." Just keep in mind the full perma model and don't let accomplishments drive you completely. It is absolutely okay for your accomplishment for the day to be merely finishing that series on Netflix that you always wanted to watch. So, here is my practical advice. Create a weekly schedule. Stay physically active.

[00:11:08]Schedule social time intentionally. Keep goals. Maintain individual interests.

[00:11:13]And talk openly with your spouse and your friends about how you are feeling.

[00:11:18]Chances are that person they could be feeling the exact same thing. And if not, well, maybe they are someone that can help lift you up. Not every day in retirement is going to feel amazing.

[00:11:28]It's not going to always be that Instagram moment. Understand that is absolutely normal. You may not be experiencing depression in retirement and you may think that this is not something that will impact me once I get to that point. Chances are though someone around you is or will. So knowing these techniques, knowing the perma model and all those things is very important. Perhaps the greatest question you could ever ask is to talk to that friend and say how are you doing? Really tell me really how you are doing. So here at the end of the video, let me ask you, how are you doing? Is this something that you have experienced in your retirement or that you've experienced with someone around you? Be transparent. Tell us how you handled it or how perhaps you helped someone work their way through it. I would absolutely love to hear from you in the comments.

[00:12:18]And I want to just thank you for being part of this channel. I want to thank you for your comments. I want to thank you for the thumbs up and everything that you do. You make this worth it to me and I appreciate you so very much.

[00:12:30]Thank you for watching.