Movie Night | Hurricane Bianca

Añadido: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]Come on, Wilma.

[00:00:03]>> [music] >> I did this. You tried that.

[00:00:11]You copying me. That's my sweat.

[00:00:14]That's my stuff. Give it back.

[00:00:16]Three words. I said tricks.

[00:00:19]Hey creeps and welcome back to my channel. As you already know, you can't sit with me unless you are POP and that is pretty on purpose. What you doing?

[00:00:25]>> It is a movie night again. Somebody sent this to me and they were like, you have to watch this. It actually got sent to me three times. [music] I think it's going viral or it's trending on TikTok. So, y'all are seeing it and y'all are sending it in. This one's actually a hour long, so I'm excited about that. So, before we start, to the directors and the producers of this movie, this is my email right here.

[00:00:46]Like I tell everybody whose movie I react to and watch with my supporters, um if you do want me to take it down, please just email me and I would be more than welcome to take it down for you.

[00:00:56]However, I just want to be the Rotten Tomato of YouTube where me and my supporters we come together, we watch movies, we laugh, sometimes we cry, child, be scared. And I just want people and directors to come to me and be like, "Hey Z, would you watch my film?" You know what I'm saying? So, yes. But, I understand you work hard and if you wanted it to come down, I will take it down.

[00:01:17]All right, so get your blunt, your drink, your lover, your sneaky link, your best friend, your dog, your cat, whatever the case may be, and let's watch this movie.

[00:01:27]>> [music] [bell] >> I'm excited.

[00:01:37]Oh, sorry. I've been hanging out with Buddha too long.

[00:01:41]>> [music] >> Ain't this how Shrek started off?

[00:01:46]>> [music] >> Once upon a time, what seemed like a hundred years ago, >> Right.

[00:01:59]>> girl, it was not that long.

[00:02:02]in a land far, far Let's not get carried away. Uh-uh. A new teacher [music] was starting her first day of classes.

[00:02:12]She was mean and hateful. She had her reasons. Will you stop interrupting? I will if you start at the beginning.

[00:02:20]>> Fine. Madea!

[00:02:22]>> There lived a kind and decent man named Richard. [music] Oh. This is an example of when many large thunderstorms come together and smash Like the Tyler Perry movie. who was perhaps the most awkward teacher in Manhattan. When is our regular teacher coming back?

[00:02:37]>> I know that's right. If you have a question, raise your hand.

[00:02:40]Now, Oh. Yes.

[00:02:42]>> When did that teacher go? When is our regular teacher coming back?

[00:02:45]Your regular teacher is coming back on Monday. We have two more [music] topics left on our time warp through science tour. Okay, pay attention.

[00:02:54]Who am I dressed up as? My grandpa. Oh.

[00:02:58]You know what, kids? This is I'm just going to move things along a little faster. [music] Our next stop through our time warp through science tour is, get ready.

[00:03:07]Are you ready?

[00:03:10]Our next science genius is A scary old lady?

[00:03:15]NO! Marie Curie. This is boring. Can we talk about sex ed or something?

[00:03:21]>> Oh, I don't know you, lying. I'll leave you with this, my favorite Marie Curie quote. The way of progress was neither swift nor easy. Remember that, my little scientists.

[00:03:32]See you soon.

[00:03:34]If they'll have [music] me back.

[00:03:39]I made one of those when I was growing up.

[00:03:51]Hurricane Bianca!

[00:03:54]HERE COME THE HURRICANE HERE COME THE HURRICANE HERE COME THE HURRICANE BACK.

[00:03:59]Y'ALL KNOW THAT LITTLE THING, the little vogue [ __ ] Y'all got Alyssa! What's up, sister?

[00:04:18]Got my hair getting in my face.

[00:04:22]Oh, that pollen. I've [music] been outside all day.

[00:04:27]>> [music] >> Okay, baby.

[00:04:33]>> [music] >> Come on, now. Y'all can do this at the end.

[00:04:43]Uh, I can't say it's boring.

[00:04:46]>> [music] [music] >> I know that's right.

[00:05:10]Look at the tooth in his mouth. Dear Mr. Martinez, blah, blah, blah. Sorry to inform you He look like Bobby Light.

[00:05:16]chosen for this year's teaching ambassador program.

[00:05:20]>> Damn.

[00:05:20]>> Blah, blah, blah. Please try again next year.

[00:05:32]Hey!

[00:05:36]>> [music] >> So, I'm I'm talking to my landlord, okay? And she's like, "Sorry, we're under construction. If you'd like to leave early, I'm like, the nerve, right? Like, I'm going to leave early? I'm going to leave when my lease is up, you sun-dried Barbie. Boo!

[00:05:52]Excuse us. Coming through.

[00:05:54]>> We're late, [ __ ] Uh-oh. We're on the list, Lana.

[00:05:56]My feet hurt. Then wear cheap shoes. I beg your pardon, I have large toes.

[00:06:00]Move! Oh.

[00:06:01]Hey!

[00:06:04]The chakra convent.

[00:06:05]ID.

[00:06:07]Oh, the girls.

[00:06:08]Th- Th- That's a That's chemistry joke cuz I'm a a chemistry uh It didn't work, baby.

[00:06:15]>> [cough] >> I wouldn't wait here if I were you.

[00:06:19]They're about to tell him that it's his last night totally bombed again. Hi, guys. Hi.

[00:06:26]Hi, Richard. You were incredible.

[00:06:29]>> Right. Thanks.

[00:06:32]See you.

[00:06:34]Don't try it.

[00:06:36]It's the bird's nest.

[00:06:38]Sorry we were late. We heard your show was okay.

[00:06:41]Worse than leprosy. I love lepers. Shut up, girl. Did you do that mind bit we practiced? No, I wasn't feeling that bit tonight. But, do you know what's worse?

[00:06:49]I even found out today that I didn't get that teaching position that I was telling you two about. Aw, dick. But, we didn't want you to leave nohow. Well, listen. I pay $3,468.52 [music] without utilities each month for that mouse-ridden [ __ ] of an apartment they're going to kick [music] me out of.

[00:07:07]Well, listen, sister. Now, you know this old nasty freeload [ __ ] is still on my nice couch. It's a futon. [music] >> It's a professional sectional. No.

[00:07:14]Anyhow, we should gas up the air mattress, baby.

[00:07:17]Put it right in the living room.

[00:07:19]Three's company.

[00:07:21]As much as I appreciate you two, I think I'm just a little too old for that, you know? And besides, I've been here 11 years and I got nothing to show for it.

[00:07:30]I just think inside personally, I'm done. Just done. Yeah, maybe. Oh, you know, we going to need some drinks, okay? Excuse me. Do you have the drink tickets? Yeah, the bird's nest [ __ ] at the door said we're on her list.

[00:07:47]>> [music] >> Not pajamas.

[00:07:56]Oh.

[00:08:05]Babe, what is happening? Is it a dream?

[00:08:13]Hello.

[00:08:14]>> [cough] >> Hello. Is this Richard Martinez? Uh yes, hi. Who's this?

[00:08:21]Lawrence Taylor from the teaching ambassador program. Uh-oh.

[00:08:24]>> Oh, hi. How are you? Very well. I have some fabulous news. Oh. A last-minute slot has opened up in our program, but I just wanted to check you were still interested. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm very interested. Good.

[00:08:38]It's in Milford, Texas.

[00:08:41]I think I actually have something in mind.

[00:08:44]Okay. Obviously, we would supply you with first-class accommodation, fully furnished, beautiful area, landscape >> Hold on, go up the leg. vista to die for. I I'll take it. Can I take it? Milford High needs a new [music] science teacher and your teaching certificate is endorsed in chemistry, but I just wanted to check you were still available.

[00:09:05]Of course, I'M YOUR MAN. OH!

[00:09:12]SUCKER. UH-OH.

[00:09:16]WELL, that's the last of it.

[00:09:18]I'm going to miss you, boo.

[00:09:20]Me, too.

[00:09:22]Bye.

[00:09:23]Yeah. Got to take Going to ride the rail.

[00:09:28]Got to take the bus. Yeah, I'm going to MAKE IT.

[00:09:30]>> BYE, HORSE. through Houston.

[00:09:32]Woo! But, let me make one thing clear.

[00:09:36]Woohoo!

[00:09:37]Yeah, I'll take it to [music] go, so bring me the check.

[00:09:40]Got to get the heck out of here.

[00:09:42]>> [music] >> Welcome to Texas.

[00:09:44]>> [ __ ] It might not just be the best time to book that trip to Mexico. Cuz it looks like the National Hurricane Center has updated Tropical Storm Bianca to a hurricane, first of the season. Stay tuned [music] for updates. You don't want to miss this.

[00:09:58]Got to get this head out Hey, looks like I'm your new neighbor. Oh.

[00:10:04]Okay.

[00:10:10]Oh, no ma'am. Out of there.

[00:10:20]So, you in Texas like that?

[00:10:23]Looks like you had it.

[00:10:29]What should I ask him?

[00:10:41]>> [laughter] >> Hey, [music] shorty. Now's not a good time for me to talk to you.

[00:10:47]You just told me.

[00:10:48]>> Superintendent's on her way. Make yourself scarce.

[00:10:51]Sorry, Ms. Ward.

[00:10:54]Hi. I'm looking for the vice principal.

[00:10:59]She's in a mood. Okay.

[00:11:06]What are you still doing here?

[00:11:08]The nurse said that >> Hit the road. What? Get out of here.

[00:11:16]What do you need?

[00:11:17]>> Uh-oh. Uh Richard Martinez, new science teacher.

[00:11:20]You're early. Uh you must be Debbie Ward.

[00:11:23]>> [sighs] >> Deb or Deborah. Never Debbie. Okay, uh Deborah. Uh I just wanted to stop by to say hi and maybe you can point me in the in the right direction. I'm not really sure.

[00:11:34]Wow, I love your purse.

[00:11:36]>> First of all, don't be late or early, okay? It annoys the hell out of me.

[00:11:40]Second of all, don't bother me. Third of all, leave the [ __ ] ties at home, okay? Cuz nothing bothers me more THAN [ __ ] TIE.

[00:11:49]>> [screaming] >> CREATIONISM? I MEAN, BUT I'M A science teacher.

[00:11:53]>> I don't have time, okay?

[00:11:55]Superintendent's on her way. Go upstairs, find Coach Chuck in the teacher's lounge. SECOND FLOOR.

[00:12:00]>> [screaming] >> SECOND FLOOR. THANKS.

[00:12:05]There he said a little [ __ ] tie.

[00:12:09]Happy birthday to me.

[00:12:10]>> Oh, I know you lying. Ah, you must be um Coach Chuck.

[00:12:16]Hey, man.

[00:12:18]You deliver my tacos? Oh. No, uh Richard Martinez, the new science teacher. I know. I was joking with you because you're Spanish looking. I know.

[00:12:28]You want some cake? Uh no, I'm pretty good.

[00:12:31]>> No, don't be a [ __ ] Have a tit.

[00:12:34]Thanks.

[00:12:36]Yo.

[00:12:37]>> is the library? Mhm. Pretty standard, really.

[00:12:41]You got to check it out every once in a while for sleepers. Sleepers?

[00:12:47]GET OUT.

[00:12:50]DON'T LET ME SEE THAT AGAIN.

[00:12:53]WELL, NOW YOU'RE in Texas. I recommend you get one of these. A diary? I don't think I need a diary.

[00:12:59]>> a little black book. Every woman, every number. I've gone through about three of these just this year. Mhm.

[00:13:05]>> You don't have a phone to keep your contacts in? A phone?

[00:13:09]How do you mean?

[00:13:15]>> [music] >> We're not discussing the origin of differences between men and women. He's right across the hall from Carly Ward, Debbie's daughter.

[00:13:22]And she [ __ ] And is social [music] influence playing a role in determining these differences? You ever hear the kids talking about someone named Ms. Fiers?

[00:13:29]You best tell me about it. Is that like another teacher? No one knows who [music] it is. They say Ms. Fiers turns the boys into men. They're safe. God, I hope it's her.

[00:13:39]Um this is the longest tour ever. And this is the grand finale.

[00:13:49]Damn. Girl, get yourself together.

[00:14:00]Thank you.

[00:14:02]Thank you.

[00:14:03]Good morning, sir. I'm Kaylee.

[00:14:04]>> And I'm Amber.

[00:14:05]>> Good morning. Hi, ladies. We brought you a little something. We just wanted to say welcome to Milford High.

[00:14:10]>> Uh-oh, it's going to be something stupid.

[00:14:12]>> Chocolates. I love chocolates.

[00:14:15]>> Have some. Sure. They're not chocolate.

[00:14:17]>> Amber's mom makes it fresh.

[00:14:19]>> Oh, please. Tell your mom I said thank you.

[00:14:21]>> Carly weed. I will. Now you ladies get to your seat before I eat the whole box.

[00:14:26]Enjoy. Thank you.

[00:14:29]Ladies, today is not the day to show off your ignorance.

[00:14:34]Oh.

[00:14:35]>> together.

[00:14:37]Hey.

[00:14:39]Hi. I'm Mr. Martinez and I just want to let you know how excited I am to be here. Oh. [laughter] Okay. Don't worry. I used to think the same things were just as funny when I was your age.

[00:14:53]>> [laughter] >> You okay? Let's just get it all out of our systems now.

[00:15:00]>> [laughter] >> Three, two, one.

[00:15:04]>> [cough] [clears throat] >> You know [snorts] Oh, that actually did [laughter] You know what, Chuck? I'm not I'm not feeling so good all of a sudden. If you can just [laughter] give me a minute, I'll be I'll be right back.

[00:15:18]>> [laughter] >> Kaylee, can I put you in charge for 2 minutes? JUST 2 MINUTES.

[00:15:26]>> [laughter] >> YO.

[00:15:28]>> QUIT. WHERE THE CAMERAS AT?

[00:15:35]Best behavior, baby. She's here now.

[00:15:38]So nice to see you, Superintendent. So nice to see you again, Kaylee.

[00:15:45]Oh, damn.

[00:15:47]Devil. You uh wanted to see me?

[00:15:50]Where [clears throat] to start?

[00:15:52]Where to start?

[00:15:54]>> Uh you can start with why Richard left his class alone.

[00:15:58]Is she listening in? Yes. Richard, there's been a lot of people come in here and try out this job. And none of them's been as bad as you.

[00:16:08]I know these kids are a handful.

[00:16:10]>> There's only one thing keeping me from sending you back to middle nowhere where you come from. Middle of nowhere? I'm I taught in New York City.

[00:16:17]You taught kindergarten.

[00:16:20]>> Mr. Martinez, you come highly recommended from the ambassador program. So, I need you to hit me hit you. I I I can help these kids if you give me a chance.

[00:16:33]>> Hit me. We're having a cookout tonight.

[00:16:36]There's your chance to mingle with the rest of the staff.

[00:16:40]>> [sighs] >> I'll be there with enough school spirit to fuel a jet liner, sir.

[00:16:45]Yeah, we'll see about that.

[00:16:50]>> [applause and cheering] >> Come on, Mavericks. Rip 'em up. RIP 'EM UP.

[00:16:53]>> [screaming] >> I'M GOING TO FOLLOW YOU HOME, YOU [ __ ] WHAT'S YOUR NAME? RICHARD.

[00:16:59]>> Shut up. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR NAME.

[00:17:01]GET UP.

[00:17:02]GET OUT OF THE HALL.

[00:17:04]GET OUT OF THE HALL.

[00:17:06]GOD, you're terrible.

[00:17:07]Intense.

[00:17:09]Something queer about him.

[00:17:12]Can't put my finger on it.

[00:17:14]Didn't you say he's from New York, Mama?

[00:17:16]I got a minute in my purse.

[00:17:19]So, what are you saying?

[00:17:21]He's like some kind of a queer?

[00:17:24]One way to find out. You should go talk to him, honey. You think? Yeah.

[00:17:30]Show him Mini and Nikki.

[00:17:32]Who is Mini and Nikki?

[00:17:33]>> Who is this?

[00:17:37]Let's see what the [ __ ] he said, honey.

[00:17:39]>> [music] >> Oh.

[00:17:47]>> [music] >> [ __ ] Why aren't you just hotter than bark on a tree? Well, well, hello. Why aren't you as wise as the bark on a tree?

[00:17:57]>> Carly. I was upset I didn't get to meet the cute new member of our staff today.

[00:18:02]Oh, well, that's very nice.

[00:18:04]>> Look at him peeking.

[00:18:05]>> Nice to meet you.

[00:18:05]>> Good day.

[00:18:06]So, how do you like Texas so far? Well, um everybody seems [music] to be very welcoming, to say the least.

[00:18:15]I think we have to spend more time together. [music] We're going to be real great friends, I can Girl.

[00:18:21]So >> Get out my ear chewing that bubble gum like that. You don't like teaching social studies? Oh, yeah.

[00:18:27]Mama thinks I have a chance at this year's Teacher of the Year award. That's out of the whole state.

[00:18:32]And this year, the winner gets 25 grand.

[00:18:36]>> [laughter] >> Well, a lot of good luck for you.

[00:18:45]>> [laughter] >> So, now that we've been formally introduced, I'd like to introduce you to a couple of friends of mine. Oh, at the game?

[00:18:54]Nikki and Mini.

[00:19:04]Damn.

[00:19:05]He gay.

[00:19:12]Richard, I'm going to make this quick and painless. Uh-oh.

[00:19:15]Of course. What's up? We're going to let you go.

[00:19:18]>> Oh.

[00:19:20]Excuse me? He said you're shitcanned.

[00:19:22]What what is he doing here? Principal always has extra security in situations such as these. We feel I feel that your situation will be a distraction.

[00:19:32]>> Uh-oh. What situation?

[00:19:37]Found this on the internet.

[00:19:38]>> Uh-oh.

[00:19:40]Single gay male seeks partner who enjoys laughter, music, long-term relationship.

[00:19:46]Oh.

[00:19:48]Where did you find that? I haven't logged into that for years. He ain't even going to deny it. I thought we had a deal. Let me step in, sir. Mhm.

[00:19:56]The school has strong values. Mhm. Turn off includes self-centeredness and bad hygiene. Mhm.

[00:20:03]We need to keep the children safe from those that participate in alternative relationships, you know. Man on man, man on dog.

[00:20:12]You understand. Are you serious? One more word from you and I'm going to call the law.

[00:20:20]See you never, flamesauce.

[00:20:23]>> [laughter] >> Damn.

[00:20:27]Richard, Richard, Richard, there's very little I can do for a teacher who gets fired so quick into the job. Come on, I'll go to Oklahoma, Kentucky, I'll go anywhere. Richard, darling, we have a waiting list of over 100 people and right now >> [snorts] >> you're at the bottom of the pile. You can't tell me what they did was legal.

[00:20:45]You can't just fire somebody.

[00:20:47]It's perfectly legal in many states, Texas being one of them. Look, I have to get rid of you.

[00:20:53]If you need any other help just write a letter to Congress, okay?

[00:21:00]Mhm. God.

[00:21:04]Siri, I need a drink.

[00:21:13]Wait a minute.

[00:21:23]Mhm. Hey, hey. There he is. How you doing, boo?

[00:21:28]Hey, I wish you guys >> Ah, no, you lying. He's fisted. Ask him if he downloaded Grindr. Did he trigger up my Siri? No, I haven't downloaded Grindr yet, you [ __ ] We just want to know how many gay cowboys are on the Bible Belt. Mhm.

[00:21:41]Wait, hold on. I'm going to put you on speaker.

[00:21:44]So, you guys are going to go to white party? I think it's racist. He ain't even invited me to go black party.

[00:21:48]>> You wouldn't think it was racist if you looked half decent in anything here. I told you I have body issues.

[00:21:53]>> Do cardio.

[00:21:54]Okay. All right, according to Grindr, the closest gay guy is, drum roll, please, 30 miles away. 30 mi Oh, no, [ __ ] We got to get you up out of there. This is an emergency. We're coming to get you, baby. Where is she?

[00:22:11]I'm going to grab a drink. Love you guys, mean it. Them lip glosses. Change.

[00:22:15]We have GPS. Ciao, red.

[00:22:18]Do you have anything on sale?

[00:22:24]>> [music] >> Neighbor. Uh-uh.

[00:22:26]Oh, hello.

[00:22:28]Uh can I have a vodka soda, please?

[00:22:31]>> [singing] >> No alcohol. What? Really? Dry county.

[00:22:37]Wait, wait, there's like no booze in the whole county? No No wonder there's no gay people here. Just get him a club soda, will you?

[00:22:51]>> [singing] >> Texans always come prepared.

[00:22:59]I'm Richard. Karma. Karma Johnstone.

[00:23:03]Your parents must be a good time. Why is that? Well, most parents don't name their children after Buddhist principles.

[00:23:09]>> Would you prefer I had a normal name, something plain like Mary?

[00:23:13]>> Mary's not plain. Mary's angelic. I know plenty of Marys.

[00:23:19]None are angelic.

[00:23:21]>> Mary was the mother of Jesus. Someone were to ask me to bear the child of God, I'd have to say no. You'd abort THE BABY JESUS?

[00:23:30]ABORTION [screaming] IS MURDER.

[00:23:34]PAY HIM NO MIND.

[00:23:35]>> [laughter] >> LISTEN.

[00:23:37]I HOST A radio show and I'm doing a promotion tonight at the Tin Room. It's about a third of a mile drive right on the county border. Do they serve real drinks? Does a bear [ __ ] in the woods?

[00:23:48]Oh.

[00:23:50]I almost missed that straw so I suck a fluffy.

[00:23:55]If I gave you a dollar, would you go away? Come on, let's go do a lap dance.

[00:23:58]That's enough, snake.

[00:24:00]Thank god you're here.

[00:24:03]Great show tonight, gorgeous. Thank you, Jocelyn. [music] I'll have my usual and can we get two shots?

[00:24:11]Uh no, no, no, I can't drink. Bad things happen when I drink.

[00:24:14]>> Make it four, four shots. Sure thing.

[00:24:17]You're going to kill me. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Ambrosia Salad. [cheering] Come on.

[00:24:26]Guess what, ladies and gentlemen? The Ambrosia-palooza is back in business. Why is my ass getting heavy?

[00:24:34]>> [music] >> And all tonight, prizes will be awarded for the best impersonation of the wonderful, while the ever-so-drop-dead gorgeous me, Miss Ambrosia Salad.

[00:24:50]>> [cheering] [applause] >> Well, apparently it's perfectly legal to do what they did here [music] in Texas and in 28 other states. I Googled it. My brother went to school there and he was terrorized.

[00:25:01]Thinking I might want to do like a protest or something. You know, peaceful, obviously, because a lot of people don't know about it. We're outnumbered, baby. That's why we had to drive so far to get here. Well, I won't stand for it.

[00:25:15]You drunk.

[00:25:17]Uh where's the bathroom?

[00:25:19]We got any more volunteers for the contest tonight? No, no, no, no, no, no, not me. Gorgeous.

[00:25:26]Um what's your name, sir?

[00:25:28]>> His name is Richard.

[00:25:29]>> No, I don't have a name. That is not MY NAME. NO.

[00:25:31]NO, I DON'T DO THIS.

[00:25:34]OH, NO.

[00:25:36]Looks like we found our final contestant in tonight's contest.

[00:25:40]Come on, Karma.

[00:25:44]I knew it.

[00:25:51]Oh, [ __ ] whose house you staying at?

[00:25:53]Cuz that is not your house.

[00:25:56]Oh, no, ma'am.

[00:25:58]No, you didn't.

[00:26:01]No, you didn't.

[00:26:10]Oh, [ __ ] you cheeky. Oh, [ __ ] This just in, the storm, which is about 1,300 mi from land, has reached speeds in excess of 75 mph. In fact, the NHC has categorized Bianca as a category one hurricane.

[00:26:30]Hurricane Bianca is going to cause more problems than anticipated. Now, we've got the latest from Del Rio, Mexico, where residents are preparing for the worst.

[00:26:51]Oh, yeah.

[00:26:54]Oh, no, sir.

[00:26:57]>> [music] >> Good morning. Buenos días, señorita.

[00:27:05]And what is your name, my young lady friend?

[00:27:08]Hungover. Nice to meet you.

[00:27:11]Hydrate.

[00:27:13]Thank you.

[00:27:18]Right. Uh-uh. Not a very polite lady.

[00:27:21]Well, that's because I'm a man. I think gender is really just a social construct. You know what I mean?

[00:27:26][applause] Uh isn't it far [cheering] too early to be talking about things like this? You know when I told you about my little brother that was terrorized in Milford High School?

[00:27:34]>> Yes.

[00:27:36]I was talking about myself.

[00:27:40]Growing up, I thought I was just a little gay boy.

[00:27:44]But then I realized there was a bit more to me than that.

[00:27:48]I would have never clocked you. I don't tell a lot of people, FYI, but I figured after last night What?

[00:27:58]Uh sure.

[00:27:59]Oh, about last night.

[00:28:02]I'm almost afraid to ask.

[00:28:05]First, you introduced yourself as Wilma, Wilma Shits Tank. Then you wouldn't give the microphone back.

[00:28:11]Well, if you were really funny, you wouldn't need me up here, would you?

[00:28:16]You know what's funny? Is that your name is Ambrosia Salad and it looks like YOU EAT EVERYTHING BUT A SALAD.

[00:28:22]THAT.

[00:28:25]DO I owe anybody an apology? Are you kidding me, Wilma? Everyone loved you.

[00:28:31]You won the contest.

[00:28:36]Come on, Wilma beans. I'll let you go.

[00:28:39]See you never, flamesauce.

[00:28:41]Mama thinks I have a chance at this year's Teacher of the Year award. The winner gets 25 grand.

[00:28:49]Oh, girl, he going to win as Wilma.

[00:28:51]>> [music] >> Come on, Wilma.

[00:28:59]>> [music] [music] >> What Wilma going to look like?

[00:29:09]Oh, now she going to school with the heels. This just in, in the next 48 hours, Hurricane Bianca is expected to strengthen [music] and is forecast to become a category four or above.

[00:29:27]Come on, Wilma [ __ ] >> [music] >> Come on, Wilma [ __ ] >> [music] [music] >> Hi, I'm here to interview for the science teacher position.

[00:29:56]What's your name? Uh, Bianca. Bianca Del Rio.

[00:30:00]Does the principal know you're coming?

[00:30:01]Of course, Debbie. It's Deb or Deborah.

[00:30:06]Never Debbie. Wow, what a gorgeous photo. Is that you, Deb? B? Teacher of the Year ceremony, 1999.

[00:30:17]Such a proud moment for our school.

[00:30:19]First and last time Milford's ever won.

[00:30:26]What's next, Deborah? Oh.

[00:30:28]Some wannabe teacher and a little [ __ ] says he got beat up so he could get out of gym class. Forgive me, Deb. But is this school part of the NEA? The who?

[00:30:37]The National Education Association that's trying to remove the R word from American schools?

[00:30:44]>> [gasps and laughter] >> Well >> especially when used as slang and a negative or derogatory context? Look, this particular student has been a problem at the school for quite some time. So, just Don't worry. They're only trying to remove the word, not the people. [music] You'll be safe.

[00:30:59]That's not a joke.

[00:31:02]Just a statement. Just a statement.

[00:31:06]>> [music] >> Close your legs, girl.

[00:31:13]>> [music] >> So, you're a cougar. Oh, uh, I'm I'm sorry. Houston University Cougars. Oh, yes. Yes, Cougars. Go Cougars. I grew up in Houston.

[00:31:31]Football scholarship. Oh, he flying.

[00:31:33]Impressive.

[00:31:36]Sir, there's a real long list of students that need to see you right now.

[00:31:41]Can we talk about something off the record? Sure. You're looking at your next teacher of the year.

[00:31:48]>> [music] >> What makes you think that? Hire me and you'll get a lot more than just a brilliant science teacher. [music] I've got ideas, Wayne. Lots of ideas that can help more than just the science department. It can help the whole school.

[00:32:01]What are you after for all that?

[00:32:03]>> My only reward will be the satisfaction that I gave back to a community that has treated me so well.

[00:32:10]I want to sharpen your pencil, Wayne.

[00:32:14]Disgusting. That'll work. Good.

[00:32:18]Nope.

[00:32:19]Nope. I can't believe you're doing this.

[00:32:22]Do you think she would wear this? I mean, I want to keep her classy.

[00:32:25]Richard, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you, too. But you're not using enough moisturizer. I'm serious.

[00:32:34]I'm serious, too. That's why you're going to teach me everything you know.

[00:32:39]The fate of this school rests on your dainty little shoulder pads. Please tell me these are shoulder pads.

[00:32:45]Putting all this effort into this. Why?

[00:32:48]Because you're pissed off. You need to move on. I was pissed, but I haven't given up hope on these kids. They're not full-grown bigots yet. And all it takes is one teacher to change their lives.

[00:33:00]Who's it going to be? The one with the rodents on her boobs or that stupid Coach Chuck?

[00:33:05]Coach Chuck? Yeah.

[00:33:07]You know him?

[00:33:08]You could say that. Wait a minute.

[00:33:13]You like him. Absolutely not.

[00:33:16]>> You think he's dreamy. Stop.

[00:33:18]>> You like him. You want to marry him.

[00:33:22]I have a secret to tell you. Another one? So, you know that I grew up as a boy, but what you don't know is >> Why are you whispering? We're in your house alone. What I didn't tell you was the experience that I had growing up.

[00:33:36]>> Okay, you need to stop because this is freaking me out. Okay.

[00:33:40]So, when I'm tired of saying YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.

[00:33:43]>> THIS IS DIFFICULT FOR ME.

[00:33:45]>> YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.

[00:33:49]COACH Chuck is my baby brother.

[00:33:57]Isn't it a requirement in this town for everyone to be related? We were close when I was younger, but I ran away after I came out.

[00:34:06]You're the only person I've ever told any of this.

[00:34:10]Let me get this straight.

[00:34:11]So, Miss Cartoon Boobs is related to Little Debbie Snack Cakes. You used to be a man. I'm dealing with my own identity issues. And now you're trying to convince me that you're related to Little Black Book and Titty Cake.

[00:34:23]>> So, you won't say anything?

[00:34:25]WHO COULD I POSSIBLY TELL THAT WOULD BELIEVE THIS [ __ ] KARMA?

[00:34:33]IS THIS the front or the back? It's a poncho, [ __ ] >> [music] [music] >> Come on, BIANCA HURRICANE.

[00:35:13]GET SOME OF THAT. YOU WHAT THE WHAT WHAT ON EARTH?

[00:35:28]All right, sit y'all asses the [ __ ] down.

[00:35:31]I know that's right.

[00:35:33]She's not going to last. She might last longer than Professor Gaywad. I give her 2 days.

[00:35:37]I give her 2 minutes. Let's start with covalent bonds. Um, Miss Del Taco?

[00:35:44]>> [laughter and clears throat] >> Call me Miss Bianca. It's easier for you to pronounce.

[00:35:48]Um, when we have a substitute teacher, we always just get a study period. Oh, really? What's your name, sweetheart?

[00:35:56]I'm Keely. Keely? Well, I'm going to call YOU BATH MAT.

[00:36:00]>> [laughter] >> NOT BECAUSE OF THAT FLUFFY vest you're wearing. It's cuz I think you smell LIKE FEET.

[00:36:05]>> [laughter] >> BATH MAT, YOU HAVE DETENTION after school. For what? Did you happen to notice your classmate getting beat up?

[00:36:13]Yeah, but I wasn't doing it. No, but you laughed and didn't help. It's just as bad. DETENTION, 2 HOURS.

[00:36:21]AND YOU, detention all week. I football practice. Not my problem.

[00:36:26]I love your outfit. Where'd you get it?

[00:36:30]Salvation Army?

[00:36:31]>> [clears throat] >> No, I got it from someone named Lady Gaga. Heard of her? What, like at a concert? No, like we're friends from New York.

[00:36:40]Yeah, and Britney Spears is your sister.

[00:36:42]No, but Cher is my cousin. [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> What's your name? Oh, wait. I know what we're going to call you. White trash THAT WON'T BURN.

[00:36:54]>> [laughter] >> MR. DORITO?

[00:37:00]HEY, James and the Giant Peach, keep it down.

[00:37:04]>> [laughter] >> Don't call me that. My parents are lawyers.

[00:37:07]>> Your parents ARE SIBLINGS. NOW, SHUT UP.

[00:37:12]LOOK, WE all pitched in and got these for you to welcome you to Milford High.

[00:37:16]Oh, how nice.

[00:37:18]Bath Mat, pass these out.

[00:37:22]They're for you.

[00:37:23]Hand them out to the class, Bath Mat.

[00:37:25]I'm feeling very generous today.

[00:37:27]>> Miss Del Rio, may I have a word? Of course. What a lovely and unexpected surprise, Deb-E.

[00:37:36]OUTSIDE.

[00:37:38]>> [applause] >> YES, [ __ ] I like Miss Bianca Hurricane, honey.

[00:37:45]>> [laughter] >> I know that's right.

[00:37:53]I understand you're new here, Miss Del Rio, but it is against school policy to feed the students.

[00:37:58]>> So, that's why you're here. You smell food.

[00:38:01]I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT BEFORE YOU STARTED THE LESSON.

[00:38:05]CREATIONIST?

[00:38:06]>> [laughter] >> IS THIS FROM THE school board or your own personal collection? Well, we believe in teaching an alternative. Miss Ward, these opinions are far more religious than scientific.

[00:38:17]>> God created the universe. That's not an opinion, that's a fact. This is a science class, not a Sunday school. Let me make something very clear, Miss Del Rio. It is in your best interest to get along with me. Let me make something very clear to you, Debbie. I'm [ __ ] this cat. You just HOLD THE LEGS.

[00:38:38]GOT IT.

[00:38:39]>> [music] >> READ CHAPTER 8 FOR TOMORROW. There will be a quiz.

[00:38:51]Stay calm. There's eyelash glue in the emergency kit I made you.

[00:38:56]Oh, yes. I found it. Thank you. There's also a disposable razor in case you need a touch-up.

[00:39:02]Nobody likes a hairy lady. You are a lifesaver.

[00:39:06]Thanks.

[00:39:09]You okay, pretty girl? Uh, yeah.

[00:39:11]Everything's fine.

[00:39:14]You know this is the men's room, don't you?

[00:39:18]Well, I don't know. I don't have my contacts in.

[00:39:23]So, you're the new science guru. Uh, yeah. Today is my very first day. I'm a Bianca. Coach Chuck. Yeah.

[00:39:32]And good luck with that group. Yeah, they really are a a handful.

[00:39:35]>> Yeah.

[00:39:36]Like you were in here last year. Two of my kids climbed to the roof and made bets on who's going to hit the ground first if they jump?

[00:39:43]I'll have to find out.

[00:39:45]But it was a mess.

[00:39:47]And you know what the French say?

[00:39:49]Micasa sucasa.

[00:39:53]It means that's life. Yeah, you are so cultured.

[00:40:00]I'm sure I'll be seeing you. Sure.

[00:40:09]>> [applause] >> Let's go Mavericks.

[00:40:16]Smells so good. Oh, it's honey gloss.

[00:40:19]Smells delicious. Tastes great, too.

[00:40:24]>> [screaming] >> That's the wrong team, stupid.

[00:40:33]READY? OKAY. YOU UGLY.

[00:40:36]YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI. YOU UGLY.

[00:40:39]YES. YES. YOU UGLY.

[00:40:42]OH MY GOD, [screaming] LADIES. That wouldn't [cheering] ignite a fart.

[00:40:46]You think you can do better? Well, they can't get any worse. Will you shut up already? Will you?

[00:40:53]Come on, Maverick.

[00:40:57]Okay, ladies. You want to make this happen, let me show you something that Miley Cyrus taught me in Amsterdam.

[00:41:05]So, what you're going to have to do first First down for the visiting bison, leaving no footprint in bison.

[00:41:10]Looks like any hope the Mavericks had of breaking their losing streak will be dashed.

[00:41:15]Kicks up.

[00:41:16]Sparkle, nearly sparkle. You Yeah.

[00:41:20]Uh right.

[00:41:22]1 2 3 5 6 7 8 WE ARE THE Maverick girls. We wear our hair in curls. We wear our dungarees up above our dirty knees. We wear no underwear. Shake out OUR CURLY HAIR.

[00:41:42]GO! [screaming] OH MY GOD.

[00:41:44]GO!

[00:41:45]>> OH MY GOD.

[00:41:47]Holy [ __ ] Yeah. Cheers, [screaming] girls. This is the first win of the season for the Mavericks.

[00:42:01]I did not say touch me.

[00:42:03]Right.

[00:42:09]>> [cheering and music] [music] >> Yeah, she going to be on it.

[00:42:23]Another day with Miss Dorito.

[00:42:26]She's almost as hot as Miss First. Oh.

[00:42:30]Almost.

[00:42:31]Come on, you've never had Miss First.

[00:42:33]Neither of you? Frickin' Frac, this is not TV. I can hear you. So, what do you say?

[00:42:40]I know a real romantic spot under the bleachers. Oh, please. I already gave to charity.

[00:42:47]Okay, shitstains. We're going to try something new today. [music] Did everybody do the reading?

[00:42:52]>> Oh, no.

[00:42:54]White trash?

[00:42:56]Muffin top?

[00:42:58]Man boobs?

[00:43:00]>> [laughter] >> What about you, bathmat?

[00:43:03]Bathmat? What? Did you do the reading?

[00:43:09]Yes. [music] Good. Then you're going to enjoy our little game today.

[00:43:14]Now, everyone take out the volcanoes that I have prepared.

[00:43:20]Now, please put on your safety gear and follow my instructions. I am only going to ask once.

[00:43:27]Now, remove the liquid bottles.

[00:43:29]>> [music] >> And can anybody name the dark bottle?

[00:43:32]Nitroglycerin. Speak up. Um ni- nitroglycerin. Yes, nitroglycerin.

[00:43:39]Nitroglycerin is a colorless liquid that's used as [music] an active ingredient to manufacture explosives.

[00:43:45]Hell, yeah.

[00:43:47]This is a very, very interesting chemical. Now, can anybody [music] tell me what the second bottle is?

[00:43:53]Orange nitrate. That's correct. Orange nitrate. This chemical comes in a variety of colors. The orange nitrate is >> [screaming] >> WHAT THE HELL?

[00:44:16]>> [laughter] >> YOUR FACE IS ORANGE.

[00:44:20]SO IS YOURS. OH, DEAR.

[00:44:24]You didn't happen to mix the two chemicals together now, did you? Wrong, [ __ ] [laughter] Was this a trick? Oh, please. If you'd have done your homework assignment, you would know that orange nitrate causes skin discoloration. What? Who looks like A DORITO NOW?

[00:44:39]>> [laughter] >> THERE YOU ARE, CHILDREN. THIS IS WHAT happens when you don't do your >> homework? It's only going TO GET WORSE.

[00:44:47]YES, BIANCA.

[00:44:52]BYE, Miss Del Rio. Hey. I noticed you avoided most of the damage today. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, I actually read the chapter last week, so I knew the surprise, but that was still really awesome. Good job, [music] Bobby. You know my real name?

[00:45:06]Who am I fooling? Of course I know your real name. Now, tell me, what's going on here?

[00:45:12]Oh, I mean, I could say something, but I've already complained to Principal Wane about a hundred times, so what's the deal?

[00:45:19]They're these guys that follow me home from school a lot and [music] call me names, push me down.

[00:45:26]You know, Bobby, sometimes people are douche bags just to make themselves feel better. It has nothing to do with you.

[00:45:33]Now, [music] do you have keys?

[00:45:35]Keys? Like house keys. Do you have keys?

[00:45:37]Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let me show you a little trick my mom taught me when I Uh-oh. Put them between your knuckles.

[00:45:42]Yes, Bianca, [ __ ] Like Wolverine.

[00:45:46]And listen, this is going to leave a mark. You don't even have to hit them hard. JUST FIND THE FINEST.

[00:45:54]OKAY, BOBBY. UH WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE THE revenge to us grown-ups? Okay.

[00:46:00]Hey, see that? Miss Del Rio. Hey, Coach Chuck. Big win last night.

[00:46:04]Congratulations.

[00:46:05]>> to say, I saw how you helped the girls last night. Cheers were really something. Yeah, it's amazing what a handicap can accomplish. You're funny.

[00:46:12]You should see me naked. [laughter] Really? You know what, Coach? There is something I wanted to ask you. Some kids in my class were talking about Miss First. [music] Who is she? No idea. Come on, Coach. You got to know. If I knew, I would tell you.

[00:46:25]>> [music] >> Can I ask you something? I suppose. Can I take you out sometime? No. I'm not like most other guys. I'm not like most other women. So, say yes.

[00:46:35]All right, Coach Chuck. You want to take me out on a date, you better bring your A game. I'll be ready after 6.

[00:46:43]I love it when they play hard to get.

[00:46:47]>> [music] >> Oh, they're trying to clock us, Sid.

[00:46:58]Oh, wait. What's this?

[00:47:03]>> [music] >> Truth serum.

[00:47:07]Girl, let's just say things are not turning out as I had planned. Are you okay? Yeah, you can tell us anything. We won't judge. All right. Well, for starters, I got fired as soon as I got here. And then I had to start dressing as a woman so I could get my job back.

[00:47:20]Then I started lying to the children, telling them that I knew famous people so that they would like me. I mean, who lies to children? Well, and to top it off, right now I'm at a roller skate rink with the football coach on a date and he thinks my name is Bianca.

[00:47:34]Hello. WORK, [ __ ] >> NICE. YES, SUCK A DICK.

[00:47:40]A LEAK and I'm trying to grab us some beers.

[00:47:42]Don't drink too much.

[00:47:43]>> Yeah, bad things happen when you drink.

[00:47:46]>> Oh, really? Coming from you? Don't try it. You remember that thing with the candlestick?

[00:47:50]>> [laughter] >> I'll call you back later. I got things to do. Okay, bye. Bye.

[00:47:57]>> Don't hit my phone, homie. You don't pay my bills. Hello. You got a four. CHANGE THE CHANNEL.

[00:48:02]>> [laughter] >> SO, I WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU TO A STUFFY, FANCY RESTAURANT, but I figured this would be a way more fun way to get to know each other. Well, I love this place. It's really adorable.

[00:48:12]It's more than adorable.

[00:48:14]She's cute, though.

[00:48:16]Uh yeah. And it also gives us a lot of time to talk about that Miss First character.

[00:48:22]You still on that, Nancy Drew? Well, actually, I look more like Nancy Grace.

[00:48:26]But spill it. Spill it. Tell me.

[00:48:28]She's what you call a myth.

[00:48:30]Which means she ain't real. Uh yeah, I know what a myth is, Chuck. Well, they say that Miss First turns the boys into men, if you know what I mean. Ooh, it's got to be that Carly Chen. She seems really trampy.

[00:48:43]What makes you think I know? Well, I would assume you would have her number in your little black book.

[00:48:48]How do you know about that? I mean, come on, Fred Flintstone. Who the hell carries around a book of phone numbers nowadays? I only show that to folks [music] I'm trying to impress. Well, you're really impressing me, Chuck.

[00:48:59]So, tell me. Do you have a big family?

[00:49:02]You're really, really pretty. You are really, really drunk. So, do you have any brothers and sisters? I mean, it seems to be the theme down here in the South.

[00:49:11]I want to kiss you so bad right now.

[00:49:13]Listen, I'm trying to get to know you, you idiot.

[00:49:16]>> You know, you are as mean as a snake.

[00:49:18]And I love that about you.

[00:49:20]ALL RIGHT.

[00:49:23]LOOK, I'm already falling for you. Get off ME, YOU BIG OAF.

[00:49:26]>> [laughter] >> GIRL, YOUR HAIR!

[00:49:34]>> [music] >> OH MY CHRIST, we're late.

[00:49:51]What time is it?

[00:49:53]What's the matter?

[00:49:54]Uh nothing. Uh I just have the worst morning breath ever.

[00:49:58]Did anything happen between us?

[00:50:00]I mean, sex-wise? Oh god, I hope not.

[00:50:05]Why would you say that?

[00:50:07]Because sex can ruin a beautiful friendship.

[00:50:14]Not if you're real, real good at it. Can you like put all of that away, please?

[00:50:21]You can hitch a ride with me.

[00:50:23]>> [music] >> Did you take a quick shower? Uh sometimes a lady needs more than a quick shower.

[00:50:27]There you go. [music] All right.

[00:50:32]Oh my gosh.

[00:50:35]She's as crooked as a dog's hind legs, and you know it.

[00:50:39]And Principal Wiley knows it. And I sure as hell do.

[00:50:42]She's worn out her welcome as far as I'm concerned.

[00:50:45]As long as I get Teacher of the Year nomination, I'm happy. I'll make sure that. Don't you worry.

[00:50:51]We'll get rid of that skunk faster than [ __ ] through a goose.

[00:50:57]Mommy, you don't think they're too big though, do you? You look beautiful. Come >> [music] >> I knew it.

[00:51:21]I can explain. Shaving is a really, really good exfoliator. You think I'm dumber than a box of hair, don't you?

[00:51:27]What?

[00:51:28]Yes, it's me, Richard. Yes, Richard from New York. Richard that everybody hates.

[00:51:32]Richard that got fired. You don't have to kneel. I can see you fine from where you were. I I wanted to kneel. That's really condescending. My feet hurt.

[00:51:40]That's why. My feet hurt. It's not all about you. Fine. I know this is going to sound crazy, but after they got rid of me, who are they going to get to teach these kids? Carly? Everyone thinks she's sweet, but she's just as much of a jerk as her mom. You noticed that, too, huh?

[00:51:53]I notice everything. Do me a favor. Keep your eye on her, and let me know if she's got any funny business going on.

[00:52:00]You can count on me.

[00:52:02]SIR.

[00:52:04]RICHARD, MOP THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD OR SOMETHING.

[00:52:08]TO CELEBRATE TODAY BEING A HALF DAY of school, we're going to play A LITTLE GAME.

[00:52:14]>> [cheering] >> AND here we go.

[00:52:16]Who can name the substance that cells use as an immediate source of energy?

[00:52:23]Keeley?

[00:52:25]I wasn't raising my hand. Did you do the homework? Yeah, I just don't know the answer.

[00:52:31]Come on up here, Keeley.

[00:52:33]Come on.

[00:52:35]Right here.

[00:52:37]Why didn't you complete the assignment, bath mat?

[00:52:40]Um No, come here. Stand closer. Closer, so I look prettier.

[00:52:45]Now, what did you do last night? She went to A COLLEGE PARTY.

[00:52:49]REALLY? How was that?

[00:52:53]Uh the pool was filthy, and the music was horrible.

[00:52:56]And that's worse than terrible and horrible combined. Sounds horrible.

[00:52:59]>> Adorbable. Hm. I think the real question is, what did you do last night, Ms. Del Rio? Coach Chuck said you were grade A.

[00:53:08]Get up here.

[00:53:12]Look at the face.

[00:53:13]>> at me. He punched him. Come here. But the key is he punched >> Both eyes. Bring that lazy one around.

[00:53:18]There we go. There we go. [laughter] Tell me, big man, what happened to your face?

[00:53:24]Oh, uh my girlfriend got a little wild last night. Yeah.

[00:53:29]>> Yeah, whatever. Okay, listen. Question is, what is the cause of most infectious diseases? Oh, I know this one. Raise your hand.

[00:53:39]Keeley?

[00:53:40]Microorganisms. Hm, pollutants. AND KEELEY IS CORRECT.

[00:53:46]NOW, FOR [applause] A CLOSER LOOK INTO MORE MICROORGANISMS, you can read page 43, or just look INTO TOMMY'S PANTS.

[00:53:57]>> [laughter] >> YOU NEED A RIDE HOME? Uh no, I'm I'm okay. I have a friend picking me up.

[00:54:10]Thanks.

[00:54:11]I had a real good time last night. Yeah, uh me me, too.

[00:54:17]Oh, you know what? That's her. Got to go. Bye.

[00:54:26]What the [ __ ] [ __ ] It's not what it looks like. Are you sleeping WITH MY BROTHER? NO.

[00:54:35]ROSE.

[00:54:36]NO.

[00:54:38]>> [screaming] >> HEAD. CAN I TRUST you to stay away from my brother? Maybe you should talk to him. He might be a really cool guy for all you know. You have no idea. Just don't worry about it. He teaches right across the hall. If you ever Okay, fine.

[00:54:56]I will not talk about him. I will not talk about you OR THAT HAT.

[00:55:02]>> [laughter] [screaming] >> YO, THEY ARE CRAZY.

[00:55:10]>> SO, um are you from around this area?

[00:55:12]Yeah, a few miles outside of Milford. I really like it here. It's rather charming. Trying to convince my brother to come down and visit sometime. Oh, yeah?

[00:55:20]Yeah, but um he's gay. Oh.

[00:55:25]Well, you know it's getting better down here. Used to be real bad for gay dudes.

[00:55:28]Hm.

[00:55:29]Do you uh you have any siblings?

[00:55:34]Can I tell you a secret? Sure.

[00:55:37]I had a gay brother, too, growing up.

[00:55:40]Used to get beat up a lot.

[00:55:42]Must have been a real chick magnet for you. I never thought about that.

[00:55:46]It's not like I went to gay bars with him or nothing. I would have.

[00:55:49]I just get annoyed getting hit on by dudes. But I guess it comes with the territory having an ass this good.

[00:55:56]So, um what happened to your brother?

[00:55:59]He ran away.

[00:56:01]I haven't seen him since right before his 19th birthday.

[00:56:05]But I swear I'd give my right nut to know that little [ __ ] is okay.

[00:56:10]Aw. He brought it up. I promise.

[00:56:14]Get out. What? I specifically asked you not to stir anything up with him. But this is good news. At least it's a start. I really think you should talk to him. I really think you should mind your own business. Let me get this straight.

[00:56:28]You have a radio show where you give people advice about relationship problems, and the way that you deal with your own is by running away from them?

[00:56:34]You don't know these people, Richard. Do you think my parents were happy when they found out I was gay? No. But eventually, they came around. My situation is a little bit different. All I'm saying is that you can't judge people for mistreating you about something that they know nothing about.

[00:56:52]>> All I'm saying >> Uh-oh.

[00:56:53]>> is you don't have to go home, BUT YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.

[00:56:58]>> [applause] >> THIS DAY IS WITH THE GIRL. ADDED.

[00:57:03]OH.

[00:57:06]>> [music] >> OH, NO, not the fish. [music] What the fish do?

[00:57:17]>> [laughter] >> Girl, hit him with that damn suitcase.

[00:57:25]What wrong with you? I know you damn lying. Randy, him, can you hold, please?

[00:57:30]Okay. Two twin beds or a single queen?

[00:57:34]A single queen?

[00:57:37]>> [screaming] >> Single queen.

[00:57:41]>> [laughter] >> Oh, dear. Take my advice.

[00:57:45]Whatever it is you're going through, surround yourself with as many friends [music] as possible.

[00:57:51]This is the time to patch up old relationships.

[00:57:55]That's it for the Kama Sutra show.

[00:57:57]>> [music] >> Good night.

[00:57:59]Listen, this was your stupid ass idea.

[00:58:02]Girl, can you get off Grindr for a second and do something useful? Useful?

[00:58:05]I wanted to text Richard and tell him we were to come the [ __ ] down here, but you said, "No, let's make it a surprise." OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

[00:58:13]>> tie your shoes because you're tripping, [ __ ] Hello. [laughter] RICHARD. OH, WE DECIDED to stop on our way down to white party. Yeah, this is a really shitty place. I'll explain. So, we asked for a room with one bed.

[00:58:26]Because it was cheaper, not because goths. You should be so lucky. Huh.

[00:58:31]Anyway, but when that cigarette-smoking lunch lady [ __ ] behind the counter realized we were two dudes, she changed the reservation from one queen to two double beds, which was $50 more. No, I cannot take you seriously looking like that. You don't think I'm pretty?

[00:58:47]You're the prettiest girl on the planet.

[00:58:49]OF THE EIGHTHS.

[00:58:51]>> [laughter] >> SO, WHAT ELSE DID WE MISS?

[00:58:55]WELL, I just think everybody was right.

[00:58:57]What the hell am I doing here? You're following your dreams. That's adorable.

[00:59:00]Well, it looks like I'm going to be following y'all back home. You say y'all now? Stay here a bar. Okay. Richard, >> [laughter] >> why would you come Well, to be honest, A, the kids are already doing better. B, I'm going to get fired again. And C, I miss brunch.

[00:59:17]Come to white party. Yeah, come to white party. No, no, no. I said brunch. X or white?

[00:59:25]Nice job, Tommy.

[00:59:28]Mr. Bobby.

[00:59:30]Here you go.

[00:59:32]I got a B plus. I have never gotten a B before. Very well written, Batman. You actually have a bright future if you work hard.

[00:59:43]Oh my god.

[00:59:44]I got a B minus.

[00:59:46]B minus? So unexpected.

[00:59:49]Well, I guess you're no longer the dumbest class in school. At least on paper.

[00:59:54]Please excuse the interruption. Miss Del Rio, Principal Wayne would like to see you after class.

[01:00:02]What did you do?

[01:00:03]Come on, tell us.

[01:00:06]Shut up.

[01:00:07]>> [laughter] >> Principal Wayne, your daughter is gorgeous.

[01:00:13]That's my wife.

[01:00:15]Oh. Wait, let me see. It's your wife.

[01:00:17]Well, she's um very blonde. I wanted to ask you to come here because I'm faced with a very difficult decision.

[01:00:26]What?

[01:00:27]>> Join the club.

[01:00:28]I've noticed you've been taking a very unusual approach with your students. Well, Principal Wayne, some of the kids are [ __ ] and I have to treat them accordingly.

[01:00:39]The language you use could be argued as inappropriate to some. Some of them deserve it.

[01:00:46]You feel it's working? [music] In fact, I do.

[01:00:50]And I've made up my mind, Bianca. I've made up my mind as well, sir.

[01:00:54]I've decided to nominate >> to fire me. I quit. Teacher of the Year.

[01:00:59]WHAT? WHAT?

[01:01:02]I I I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

[01:01:05]NOT one student has missed a single class since you've started.

[01:01:10]That is unprecedented.

[01:01:13]This is outrageous. I I'M SURE IT DIDN'T HURT THAT YOU LIED TO THEM.

[01:01:17]WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD and tell us all about your cousin Cher, huh? Or your best friend Lady Gaga, huh? Gaga?

[01:01:24]Well, I I haven't talked to her in a while. You [applause] really know this Lady Gaga? Yes, sir.

[01:01:31]You are so full of [ __ ] Bianca. If that even is your real name. Do you think it would be too much to invite this Lady Gaga to the ceremony?

[01:01:42]It would be great [snorts] publicity for the school. Oh my god.

[01:01:45]>> I will certainly ask her.

[01:01:47]>> [music] [sighs and gasps] >> She's going to get one of her girls to dress up, probably.

[01:02:04]Are you calling your brother?

[01:02:09]Now, those belts are around the blinds.

[01:02:12]Mama? Uh-oh.

[01:02:14]Ah.

[01:02:16]Yeah, this lying always takes forever.

[01:02:19]Yeah, I'll meet you in a few. I'm just getting my hair done. I pick color for you. Yeah. I pick color for you.

[01:02:26]Oh, you always talk on the phone. Talk talk on the phone. They never talk to me. You only white lady who come in here never talk to me. YOU DON'T COME BACK.

[01:02:35]BYE. ALL RIGHT.

[01:02:38]HI.

[01:02:39]>> [music] >> OH, [ __ ] WATCH OUT. OH, [ __ ] [ __ ] IT. [ __ ] PART ONE'S DONE, SIS.

[01:02:57]YOU found it?

[01:02:59]Well, of course I found it.

[01:03:01]Now, make sure no one else will.

[01:03:03]No scars, right?

[01:03:05]>> [music] >> Nothing visible.

[01:03:08]You got it, darling.

[01:03:11]Oh, wow.

[01:03:16]Hi.

[01:03:17]>> [music] >> Mama.

[01:03:22]Oh, [ __ ] Oh, you're beautiful.

[01:03:29]Thank you.

[01:03:31]Oh, baby.

[01:03:32]>> [music] >> Oh, god. Try not to cry. [music] >> [laughter] >> You look beautiful.

[01:03:47]>> [snorts] >> Hey, Mama. Yes. What's up, sis?

[01:03:51]Oh.

[01:03:53]Good luck.

[01:03:54]>> [snorts] >> Beat his ass, Bianca. I'm a science teacher for Christ's sake. What is this Unsolved Mysteries [ __ ] What can I say?

[01:04:12]I can't believe what just happened.

[01:04:17]Thanks, Epiphany. You're such a good friend.

[01:04:20]I'm glad you're in my life, Richard.

[01:04:23]You're still not allowed to sleep with my brother.

[01:04:27]>> [music] >> Bad [ __ ] You know that you're going to jail, Epiphany.

[01:04:31]You know Carlie wanted that dude you're after.

[01:04:34]She's always making sure Carlie gets what she wants.

[01:04:37]I was supposed to keep an eye on you till the ceremony's over. NOW I GOT TO LEAVE YOU OUT HERE. What about the gators?

[01:04:43]I know it might be weird to call, but something crazy just happened. I want to tell you about it.

[01:04:48]Also, I had a really great time with you the other night.

[01:04:52]Hope we can do it again soon.

[01:04:54]See you soon, pretty girl.

[01:04:59]Sorry, lady.

[01:05:00]Blood thicker than water. What that means to you is family [music] always comes first.

[01:05:08]Come on, [ __ ] I know that's right.

[01:05:12]THERE.

[01:05:15]WHAT THE HELL? [ __ ] OFF, FATTY.

[01:05:21][ __ ] OFF, [ __ ] YOU [ __ ] [ __ ] I'LL FIND YOU. I'M GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN LIKE A COW.

[01:05:43]>> [music] >> OH, [ __ ] You better walk, [ __ ] >> [music] [bell] >> Housekeeping. Morning, angels. I knew you were going to be hung over.

[01:06:22]Where have you been, girl? Ooh, coffee.

[01:06:24]>> Listen, I can explain. But first, I need you to meet my friends. Uh this is Karma and Janice. Janice, Karma and Steven Bailey.

[01:06:31]Hi. Okay, I need your help. Uh-uh. See, we called you like 50 times yesterday.

[01:06:37]>> Someone from the school tried to have him kidnapped. I heard everything. Hold up. They kidnapping [ __ ] over here?

[01:06:43]Oh, hell to [laughter] the no.

[01:06:44]You need to call the police.

[01:06:46]>> You cannot call the police here because everybody is related. It's not a real town. It's like a big family reunion.

[01:06:53]What? Explain. Okay, it's like sometimes when you walk in the club and then you look around and you're like, "Well, damn. I don't feel comfortable with everybody up in here." Oh, okay. NO, WE'LL SEE.

[01:07:03]>> [laughter] >> HOLD ON. I HAVE A PLAN. OOH, LOOK AT YOU SOUNDING LIKE MISS TRINA MCGIVER FISH.

[01:07:06]YEAH. WELL, I had time to think [laughter] about it cuz I've been walking for 13 miles. What?

[01:07:12]Explain. Um it's like walking from SoHo to Harlem. Do they HAVE UBER HERE?

[01:07:23]YO. HURRICANES form in [music] tropical regions because they need warm water of at least 80° Fahrenheit.

[01:07:33]The most characteristic feature of hurricanes is their eye, a region of dry air about which the strongest winds circulate.

[01:07:43]>> [music] >> You better act the [ __ ] up, Bianca.

[01:07:52]>> [music] [cheering] [applause and music] [music] >> This is the Karma Sutra show, live from the Texas Theater. There are rumors that there will be an appearance by Lady Gaga at tonight's Teacher of the Year ceremony.

[01:08:26]Who the hell are you? I'm part of G's security team.

[01:08:29]And I need to go through this building and make sure it's secure before the event. Who's security team?

[01:08:35]G's security team.

[01:08:37]Yeah, who's G? G, Lady Gaga, G. This has been cleared for weeks. Oh, well, this is news to me. Well, you listen to me, polka dot.

[01:08:48]Now, LADY GAGA IS FLYING [laughter] IN FROM THE AIRPORT. AND IF I'M NOT ABLE to go through this building and make sure it's secure from cracked hands and cracked ceilings, [laughter] then I will make a call. She will turn around and trust me.

[01:09:00]You don't want that.

[01:09:02]All right. All right, go ahead. Come on, polka dot.

[01:09:06]Nice trip.

[01:09:08]>> [music] >> HEY, KNOCK IT OFF OUT THERE.

[01:09:18]Hoping it's going to make you start going to the gym.

[01:09:25]>> [screaming] >> Be careful. Girl, I'm sorry. I was going to cut you a breathing hole. I promise.

[01:09:31]>> [laughter] >> All right. Come on, Reese Witherspoon.

[01:09:34]Hi. Oh, hello. Uh okay. Wayne? Here you go.

[01:09:40]And here is one for your daughter.

[01:09:43]That's my wife. Oh.

[01:09:45]>> [laughter] [screaming] [cheering] >> I see her chilling. I know that's That's [ __ ] RIGHT, [ __ ] I KNOW THAT'S [ __ ] RIGHT, BAILEY, [ __ ] Good evening and welcome everyone to the annual District 214 Teacher of the Year ceremony.

[01:10:09]>> [applause] [music] [music] >> I am so lucky to be here to introduce some of our very talented staff tonight.

[01:10:28]And pinch me now, we have a very special guest. I still can't believe it. Lady Gaga took time out of her very busy schedule to join us this evening.

[01:10:41]>> [applause] >> I know that's right, [ __ ] Mhm.

[01:10:46]Can you tell that to your face?

[01:10:49]>> [music and applause] >> Unfortunately, one of our teachers, Miss Gallery O, had some problems and was forced to resign.

[01:11:00]When did this happen?

[01:11:02]It's all under control, Wayne. Some shady [ __ ] Very shady. But not to worry. Milford High will still be represented. They decided to send Carly Ward as an alternate.

[01:11:18]>> [applause] >> COME ON, BIANCA, [ __ ] We name storms with female names as they are perceived to be less threatening, but are significantly more likely to kill.

[01:11:36]Next, let's take a moment to get to know some of our nominees.

[01:11:41]>> [applause] >> COME ON, BIANCA, [ __ ] Our first nominee is Mr. Homer Flint from Nacogdoches.

[01:11:51]>> [applause] >> Homer is a favorite of this high school because of some of his strong and visionary leadership.

[01:11:58]>> So, he's got the laxatives. of his goals, and he has impeccable style.

[01:12:05]>> [laughter] >> Our next nominee is from Meadow Lakes.

[01:12:12]Sue Ellen Spencer. She is known for her fun, laid-back, creative writing classes.

[01:12:20]Oh, sex scandal. Oh.

[01:12:23]It's going down in the school yard. I'm definitely dirty.

[01:12:30]Oh, this thing is broken. Shut Shut it down.

[01:12:33]QUICK, SHUT IT DOWN.

[01:12:35]HEY.

[01:12:36]HEY, this this isn't Shut Shut this down. Oh my god.

[01:12:41]I can't believe my school.

[01:12:42]That's not me. That's not me. It's just any short person.

[01:12:49]What the hell?

[01:12:52]>> [screaming] >> Things have taken a strange turn here.

[01:12:58]Miss First, the mysterious and up until now anonymous woman that has been seducing young boys, has been revealed as Deborah Ward.

[01:13:08]>> OH, QUIET DOWN, EVERYBODY.

[01:13:11]OH GOD.

[01:13:12]LOOK, THIS IS NOT TRUE. THIS is a conspiracy.

[01:13:20]>> [music] >> Damn.

[01:13:32]Will somebody fix the dang projector already?

[01:13:37]OH!

[01:13:39]WHAT WHAT IS SHE'S BITING ME.

[01:13:43]HELP.

[01:13:46]UH-HUH, SEE THIS PAW.

[01:13:49]GIRL.

[01:13:56]She's just getting boxed. I need a Band-Aid.

[01:14:01]No.

[01:14:02]No.

[01:14:05]Willie, pick up. Pick up, Willie.

[01:14:07]Willie, pick up.

[01:14:11]Get me out of here. Get me out of here.

[01:14:13]Get me out of here. Get me out of here.

[01:14:16]WILLIE, WILLIE, GET BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW.

[01:14:23]OH, DEBBIE, don't you look fancy tonight. You. Sorry I'm a little late. I was tied up.

[01:14:33]Get me, [ __ ] Get out of my way.

[01:14:36]Has anybody ever told you, Debbie, that you have beautifully shaped lips? Yes.

[01:14:42]And you know you need to be really careful with that face of yours. You might attract a swarm of men.

[01:14:50]>> [laughter] >> OH!

[01:14:57]>> [screaming] >> OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, IT'S JUST LIKE MY GIRL.

[01:15:04]>> [screaming] >> WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I'D LIKE TO announce [music] the winner before anything else falls on us.

[01:15:14]The winner of this year's Teacher of the Year award is Well, this is awkward.

[01:15:21]Carly Ward.

[01:15:25]Rigged.

[01:15:27]Uh Superintendent Howard, THE INFORMATION THAT DISQUALIFIED OUR ORIGINAL NOMINEE WAS GIVEN TO YOU ON FALSE PRETENSES.

[01:15:37]WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT, WAYNE? Because Deborah Ward AND HER DAUGHTER ARE FILTHY LIARS. WE WANT BIANCA.

[01:15:46]>> YEAH, WE WANT BIANCA. BIANCA.

[01:15:49]>> [music] >> COME ON, [ __ ] >> [cheering] [music] >> YO.

[01:16:11]WHAT YOU DOING?

[01:16:13]I THINK LADY GAGA WAS hitting on me. Oh, yeah. But don't worry. I told her I was already taken.

[01:16:19]>> [screaming] [cheering] [music] [screaming] >> Do you think we NEED A RECOUNT?

[01:16:32]>> [cheering] [applause] >> YES, [ __ ] WELL, all right then.

[01:16:43]Thank you, District 214.

[01:16:46]When I started, I didn't know if I was going to fit in.

[01:16:49]The one thing that was [music] consistent was this remarkable staff.

[01:16:54]Didn't skip a beat in allowing me into their community.

[01:16:57]When I arrived, every single student I had has faith. [music] >> in the back.

[01:17:02]Each one has shown improvement of at least 40%.

[01:17:06]All of this coming from someone you said was an embarrassment [music] to your community.

[01:17:14]What? Holy [ __ ] [ __ ] I knew it.

[01:17:21]She's a dude?

[01:17:24]A man?

[01:17:26]A man? [music] Like a bomb.

[01:17:31]That was really [ __ ] good.

[01:17:37]Oh. This is Bianca.

[01:17:45]>> [music] [music] [music] >> Yo.

[01:18:02]>> [music] >> Oh, it's pretty.

[01:18:05]Yeah, it's pretty work.

[01:18:11]Girl, Bianca, put back on the makeup, girl. I don't like it. I don't like it, Bianca.

[01:18:19]All of you have some very serious explaining to do. I can barely move my mouth. Bee-stung lips are really in right now.

[01:18:27]>> Do you know how expensive these were?

[01:18:31]>> [laughter] >> I must say, I have seen better behavior from some of your worst students.

[01:18:37]Richard, do me a favor.

[01:18:41]Take a look at the front page.

[01:18:44]Why?

[01:18:45]Why is my school racist against gay people like Keely Carson? Ugh, Wayne, come on. You cannot give in to these kinds of special interest groups.

[01:18:55]Jack.

[01:18:56]On it.

[01:18:58]Sorry, ma'am. This lesson will be here for extra security. What's going on, you overgrown maggot? Don't think I won't be calling the law, Miss Ward. Oh, are you kidding me? IS THIS A JOKE? COME ON.

[01:19:08]THAT KID'S BEEN HELD BACK LIKE SIX TIMES. HE SAID HE WAS LEGAL. OH, JESUS.

[01:19:14]THAT'S FOR YOU, young lady.

[01:19:16]I have no proof that you were involved in any of this. Looks like you've suffered enough already. No, you're messing with me. I was going to let you touch these.

[01:19:28]Just [laughter] one more thing, Richard.

[01:19:31]Yes, sir. Please, stay out of the ladies room.

[01:19:35]>> [laughter] >> I'll try.

[01:19:39]No, let him come out of the closet, Bianca.

[01:19:42]>> I used to be one of those people that didn't really care about gay people, but then we had this teacher and everyone was terrible to him, including me. But I didn't think he was going to get fired or anything.

[01:19:52]All right, guys, who's ready to graduate? Furthermore, so [music] I think this school should have like some protection program or something to protect gay people and you, too.

[01:20:02]Because my friend Bobby is a total homo, but he won't [music] come out because he'll probably get beat up. Well, at least more so than he already does.

[01:20:10]Anyway, >> [music] >> thank you for reading my article. Keely Carson.

[01:20:17]That's so good.

[01:20:20]All right.

[01:20:22]PLEASE HELP ME WELCOME BACK to the stage someone very important.

[01:20:27]Put your hands together and make some noise for the one, the only, BIANCA DEL RIO.

[01:20:33]THANK YOU, AMBROSIA.

[01:20:34][applause and cheering] OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS doing here?

[01:20:41]Do your parents [cheering] know you're here? Security.

[01:20:45]>> [laughter] >> Okay, listen. We have to get this show started and I can only start the show with a drunk straight girl. Do we have any drunk straight girls in the audience?

[01:20:53]Thumbelina, come on up. I know you. This is my good girlfriend, Janice. All right, who is ready to see Janice do an interpretive dance?

[01:21:02]>> [applause and cheering] >> All right, you ready, [ __ ] Let's do it. Hit it, DJ.

[01:21:09]Janice took over as the dance [applause] captain of the Lady Maverick cheerleading squad.

[01:21:16]Which became her cover when she was recruited for secret ops at the CIA. I know that's right. Anyway, you know, I have to say, oh, you two, on your [ __ ] phones. Rude.

[01:21:28]>> [music] >> As Steven and Bailey continued to look for dates on Grindr, they realized they'd accidentally been talking to each other. Oh, no. Bailey still lives on Steven's futon, but sometimes [music] gets an upgrade.

[01:21:44]Oh. Oh, thank you. What are you doing here? I came to SEE MY [music] GIRLFRIEND.

[01:21:50]>> WHAT?

[01:21:51]WE GOT LOTS OF PROBLEMS. BAILEY, YOU.

[01:21:56]I won the Texas Excellence in Radio Award for my coverage of the Teacher of the Year Ceremony.

[01:22:03]>> So he got Check it out, closer than ever.

[01:22:06]He's still trying to add Bianca to his little black book.

[01:22:11]Richard used his winnings to find an nicer apartment and started a theater program at the school.

[01:22:17]I finally got to meet his cousin who's not real share. Well, she is every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. In the end, Hurricane Bianca was just the right kind of storm that this little town needed.

[01:22:36]I LOVE IT. ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS, I think that was so, so, so amazing. It started off slow in the beginning, but it got really good and I relate to it. It's crazy how people would treat you a certain way just because of your sexuality. It could be your color of your skin, your gender, whatever. But then someone who is just as qualified as you, same personality as you, same education, mind, whatever as you would because you're something that they do not like, they will choose that person over you and that's just that's that's unfair and that is [ __ ] up. Bianca was the exact same person as Richard, but because Richard was gay and not what somebody thought, they didn't take the time to get to know who he was, his heart, his mind, his love for trying to make the children better and he wasn't a weirdo, he wasn't crazy. One that was a weirdo was Miss Debbie, but Richard was not, but they were thinking Richard was.

[01:23:35]You know what I'm saying? So it's like stop judging people. Allow people to be themselves. Get to know somebody for who they are. I'm not even going to talk long. Just love. At the end of the day, everything you do needs to go towards love. Period.

[01:23:53]It was a good, good, good movie. I enjoyed it. I thought it was comical. It was great. Y'all tell me what you think.

[01:23:59]Appreciate you for y'all sending it to me. God only made one you. If you don't be using nobody else's winning to then >> [music]