Just Leave - BBQ Themed Reddit Drama

Added: 2026-05-27

[00:00:00]Welcome back to Josh and Christy Stealing the Internet. I'm Josh.

[00:00:04]>> And I'm Christy. And today we've got a bunch of Reddit stories for you today all about drama at the barbecue. Let's jump into the first story.

[00:00:11]>> Am I the [ __ ] for saying just leave at my cookout?

[00:00:15]>> I mean, if you invited the person, it seems a little rude to kick them out.

[00:00:19]But what shenanigans were they getting up to?

[00:00:22]>> My sister Nicole, 34, brought her new boyfriend, Steve, to our family cookout yesterday. It's for about 30 people.

[00:00:29]Everyone brought in sides. My sister brought one bag of store brand potato chips and Steve helped himself to beer right away before being introduced to everyone. We are having hamburgers and hot dogs and just hanging out with the family. It's nothing fancy. Steve asks, "Is this it?" when the first plate of hot dogs is done and waiting on the round of hamburgers. My wife says there will be hamburgers soon. And Steve tells my wife and sister about his family and how they have barbecue chicken, steak, shrimp, and many options. I picked up the plate of hot dogs and told Steve he could leave and go to his family barbecue instead.

[00:01:05]>> Okay. It does seem like Steve is extremely rude, so I kind of get where he's coming from.

[00:01:11]>> But also, does it seem like OP asked him to leave awfully fast?

[00:01:15]>> Yes. Yes, it does. Like, you don't really know this person. This is your sister's significant other. maybe give him a second chance or maybe a third chance, but if he really persists, which it seems like he will double down, um, then it might be okay to kick him out.

[00:01:30]But you did, I feel, jump the gun a little bit.

[00:01:34]Yes, he's being rude, but rude to the point of kicking him out. I don't know.

[00:01:39]He just looked at me and drank his beer, and I told him and my sister to go since this wasn't good enough for Steve. I gave my sister store brand potato chips back and told her to get out. Wow, he's kicking his sister out, too. How dare you bring this disrespectful person into my house. You leave, too. My sister and Steve left, and the cookout was fine after that. My mom heard about me kicking them out and was mad at me and told me to apologize to my sister. Maybe there was a misunderstanding, but Steve was just an [ __ ] commenting like that at someone's house. And the first time you meet their family, my wife thinks I was right because Steve acted like that in her home, and insulting the host is a good reason to be kicked out. Others are split about 50/50 when they heard about what happened. So, are they the [ __ ] >> I'm going barely an [ __ ] Like, it is extremely disrespectful of Steve to come in, not even wait to be introduced to the host, and start grabbing some beer and stuff.

[00:02:33]>> Is that disrespectful? I almost feel like that's trying to be casual at a gathering. You go to the gathering, you grab a drink, and then you introduce people with the drink, and it makes you look a little more settled in. Uh, I don't know. I feel like you need to like come and like at least meet the hosts.

[00:02:50]You haven't met them before. It's polite to introduce yourself. Then maybe get like the lay of the land and what's going on and then grab some food or drinks if they're available. I could see maybe saying hi to the host and the host being like, "Hey, help yourself to a beer. Settle in." But also, he did come with Sister, so I don't It depends on how casual Sister is in OP's house.

[00:03:11]>> I don't know if that even matters cuz this is the first time he's meeting sister's family. You want to make a good impression. I feel like you introduce yourself right away. And thank you for inviting me.

[00:03:21]>> Yeah, I mean that's fair. I don't think that Steve was a shining beacon of politeness at all. Right. Like >> but this one is a little iffy. Like I could see letting this slide, you know, cuz it's just it's not a big deal, but it's just I do feel like it is slightly rude. Also, sister only bringing one bag of potato chips to the potluck barbecue.

[00:03:40]They like seem like really cheap skates.

[00:03:42]And then he's like, "Well, my family has steak and shrimp and stuff and lots of other food. Why don't Why do you only have cheapo hot dogs and hamburgers? You You guys are so low class." I just feel like that seems really rude and like they're only there for the food.

[00:03:57]>> That's true. He's like, "My family has steak and shrimp and barbecue chicken."

[00:04:02]And he turned up with a bag of store brand potato chips.

[00:04:06]>> First of all, saying, "Is this it?" when they bring out the food. Oh my gosh. has your your mother would be ashamed of you. She taught you no manners.

[00:04:15]>> Yeah, it's just a casual gathering. I mean, there's nothing wrong with just getting hot dogs and hamburgers. I don't I think that was very rude of Steve. I just I feel like I'm neutral on the beer thing.

[00:04:26]>> Okay.

[00:04:26]>> Personally, he was an [ __ ] I don't know if he was a kick out immediately [ __ ] >> Yes, that's where I'm going. He's just barely an [ __ ] because I do feel like it was not warranted at this point to kick Steve out. But he did have like two and a half strikes against him. Getting the beer without being introduced to the host first, half a strike. Like bringing the cheapo food and expecting really fancy food. That's another strike. And then being like, "Is this it? My family has a better barbecue than your family."

[00:04:56]Yeah, that's three strikes. Well, two and a half. And I feel like if you hadn't kicked him out, it would have just continued. So, do you let it continue when you know it's going to continue so you feel more justified in kicking him out or do you just kick him out then because you're like, "This is not going in a good direction."

[00:05:12]>> I think it depends entirely on your relationship with your sister.

[00:05:16]>> And it sounds like his relationship with his sister might not be great because he was like, "You get out, too."

[00:05:21]>> Yeah, that's true. He did boot his sister as well. It sounded like there was a lot of anger over store brand potato chips. It wasn't just like a, oh, I'm just glad they came.

[00:05:30]>> Yeah, cuz I've like a lot of times when we have people, we're like, you don't need to bring anything cuz we just want to see you and hang out with you. You know, >> it was 30 people at the barbecue. So, like the sides are good filler, but also there would in theory be 28 other people that brought sides. It's not going to like >> nobody's going to go hungry.

[00:05:50]>> Well, unless everybody brought that same measly single bag of potato chips.

[00:05:54]>> Yeah. Or if everyone else is staring at those hot dogs like, "I don't want to eat those." Maybe OP just did a bad job grilling them. No, I'm sorry. That's mean. You don't insult another man's grilling.

[00:06:04]>> Yeah, you don't know. There's nothing to indicate that he was bad at grilling the hot dogs. He wasn't like, "Oh my god, what did you do to the hot dogs?" He's just like, "Is this it? Hamburgers and hot dogs? You don't have anything better?"

[00:06:14]>> Yeah. For some reason, Steve is too good for hamburgers and hot dogs. That's just the barbecue staple, >> right? I feel like you can't have a barbecue without at least hamburgers and hot dogs. You know, you got to have hamburgers and hot dogs, even if you still have fancier things, too. They're like, "What makes it a barbecue?"

[00:06:32]Reddit's verdict is not the [ __ ] >> Okay.

[00:06:34]>> Uh, one of the top comments, not the [ __ ] Why would you put up with this nonsense at your own home? I don't understand anyone who thinks you went too far. Do they think this jackass would have stopped at just one comment?

[00:06:45]Hell no. As host, you ensured the other 30 guests wouldn't be subjected to his entitled passive aggressive [ __ ] >> I mean, that's kind of true. I think everybody probably had a better time once Steve and OP sister left because they're bringing down the vibe by just criticizing everything.

[00:07:00]>> Yeah, I'm not saying at all that Steve was a good guest or like a fun person at this party. Cuz all I know about Steve is that he brought a crappy side and insulted the main dish. He sounds like an all-around bad person. There's no redeeming qualities. Another comment, "This man has no manners. Even if the cookout sucked, you don't complain to the host when you are meeting them for the first time. If you want a cookout that's up to your standards, you host it." And realize those cookouts with lots of dishes are really hard to do and exhausting to prepare. I don't think it's even you don't insult the host if it's the first time meeting them. It's just you don't insult the host ever. If you are not happy with the quality of the thing, you can just silently leave.

[00:07:43]Don't ever complain about the host to anybody. That's very rude.

[00:07:47]>> Yeah, you don't need to call people out if you think they're not hosting to your standards. Especially when you're essentially a stranger at this point, right?

[00:07:55]>> Yeah. You're a plus one.

[00:07:57]>> Like maybe sister could have taken OP aside after and been like, "Hey, you really those hot dogs and hamburgers, they were awful." Or something like if there was an actual problem.

[00:08:07]>> Yes. But it sounds like Steve's problem was just he's insulted that there were only hot dogs and hamburgers.

[00:08:14]>> I was expecting a real barbecue when I came to this with with man food steak.

[00:08:21]>> Do you think it's even him being upset about the hot dogs and hamburgers or is he just the type of person that needs to one up every situation? That's just how he talks.

[00:08:31]>> I don't know. That is a good question >> cuz you meet those people every now and then too. was like, "I don't actually have a problem with hot dogs and hamburgers, but my family does all this barbecue stuff, and I'm going to I want you to then ask me questions about how much better my family is at barbecue."

[00:08:48]Another comment, "Not the [ __ ] They brought a bag of chips, drank beer they didn't provide, and thought you were cheap, rude, entitled, and deserved the treatment they received. Anyone who thinks you were wrong can invite them to their next party." Yeah, I want to see what kind of barbecue Steve would host cuz I'm also thinking that Steve is not the one doing all the work for Steve's family barbecues. So, Steve doesn't actually know how to personally throw a great barbecue.

[00:09:15]>> It's kind of hard to take criticism from the person who just turned up for the first time with something they bought at a store. Because at most of my family barbecues, everybody like brings a side that they're kind of proud of.

[00:09:26]>> Yeah. Something that they made. Unless they're like swamped for time, in which case sometimes, yeah, you you buy the bag of chips. Chips are still great at a barbecue.

[00:09:34]>> Yeah, >> you usually bring more than one bag.

[00:09:36]>> Well, depending on how big the barbecue is, but like Yeah, I would assume you bring at least two bags.

[00:09:41]>> It's 30 people.

[00:09:42]>> Yeah, I was like, this seems like a big barbecue, maybe you bring more than two bags. I'm just thinking like if it was a small like sixperson barbecue. I still feel like you would bring two bags.

[00:09:51]>> Another comment. Short, sweet, and to the point. I like it. maybe considered an act of assholeery, but certainly justified, not the [ __ ] >> Yeah, that's kind of why I was like, he's barely an [ __ ] Like, yes, he kicking someone out of a barbecue is kind of an [ __ ] behavior, but it was justified kind of. I feel like you could have let it go on a little bit more to make sure everybody thought it was justified, but it was justified. He was being rude. You You kind of had the right to kick him out. So, that's why I was like barely an [ __ ] Also, I think we're coming at it from a standpoint of our sisters have a lot of social karma with us.

[00:10:27]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:10:28]>> So, their boyfriend is leeching off of that social karma to a certain extent.

[00:10:33]>> Yeah. Their significant other could get away with a lot before I called them out on it because I was like, but it's my sister's person and I love my sister.

[00:10:42]You know, >> I'm also fairly confident though that, you know, if one of our sisters turned up with a, you know, a new boyfriend, I mean, they're all very they're all married for a long time now, but if they turned up with a boyfriend and the boyfriend was acting crazy, they they would probably pull them aside and be like, "Hey, calm down."

[00:10:57]>> Yes, I do feel like they would also do that. Like they are socially aware enough to be like, "Dude, you're being rude and this is my family and you're making your first impression on them and it is not good. Can you chill?"

[00:11:08]>> And then there are a few everyone sucks here.

[00:11:10]>> Mhm. Uh, one comment, "Everyone sucks here, but not for your first comment.

[00:11:14]I'm a big fan of if you're not having fun, you can leave and all its variations. You absolutely had the right to call someone out for insulting your own party in your own home. Steve is apparently really tactless and needs to learn some lessons about social interaction. However, I say everyone sucks here because I think you should have stopped after your first comment."

[00:11:31]It sounds like it sufficiently humbled Steve and he probably wouldn't have made further comments. He and your sister may have even apologized, but you didn't really give them the chance. I think he went a little too far by immediately insisting they leave and handing the chips back. If he had continued to make rude comments, then absolutely kick him out.

[00:11:47]>> I don't know. I don't get the impression that Steve is the apologizing type. But I mean, I'm only getting a very small snippet of this story, you know, like the whole story. So maybe maybe Steve is actually nice and just socially clueless.

[00:12:01]>> Tone is very important in the way Steve said it, isn't it?

[00:12:05]>> Yeah. Because if Steve says it in like a kind of smug, socially clueless, bragging way, yeah, just give him the warning because he's he's not at three strikes yet in my opinion. If he says it in like a this is garbage, your family's garbage way, yeah, throw his ass out.

[00:12:22]>> But yeah, I mean, I kind of agree with Reddit. I think Steve is definitely an [ __ ] and OP kind of falls into the [ __ ] range, but it was justified. Am I the [ __ ] for using my husband's car to get to work after he tricked me into going to his family's barbecue?

[00:12:37]>> I'm having trouble seeing how these two things are related. Getting tricked into going to your family's barbecue and then using his car to go to work. I don't I guess I need the rest of the story.

[00:12:48]>> I, female, 33, am a nurse. I have a very, very busy schedule. It's been absolutely crazy the past couple of years. My husband, male, 36, works an office job. And because he's a family oriented type guy, he always hangs out with his family. His family lives on a ranch in the middle of literally nowhere. It's a hassle to go there and due to my work nature, I don't go to most of their functions. I do, however, make sure to attend the big ones. Last week, his family wanted to host a barbecue party. He wanted me to go with him so badly since all his brothers were bringing their wives and since they mocked him for coming alone in the past.

[00:13:24]I said, "Sorry, but I had a shift to cover." He begged, suggested I swap shifts with other nurses who are my friends, and even called them all to beg them to cover for me. Oh, okay. I do not like that. Him calling your nurse friends to be like, "Can you please cover for her? That is way overststepping. Do not call my co-workers and try to get them to cover my shifts." Like, that is something I decide if I want to do and if I want to do it, I will call them. I was going to say, I can kind of understand him really wanting you to come. And if it's that important to your husband, maybe you should make an effort, but you're already scheduled to work. I don't think you should have to change around your work schedule cuz nursing is so hard and the schedules are so crazy and getting someone to cover for you is really hard.

[00:14:09]I just feel like it's not this is not a scenario that's worthy of that. I grew irritated and told him to stop it. He sulked for a whole day, then dropped it.

[00:14:18]In the morning, and just hours before my shift, I discovered that my car's tires were out of air.

[00:14:23]>> I do not like the direction the story is going. That That is That is bad. The husband did it, didn't he? That's bad.

[00:14:30]>> You do have the benefit of this being an am I the [ __ ] post.

[00:14:34]>> Yeah. So, I mean, she might not have jumped to that conclusion right away, but I'm jumping to that conclusion because why else are we here? And this is bad. My husband offered to drive me to the hospital at 400 p.m. and I agreed. I got ready and we got in the car, but instead of taking me to the hospital, he drove me straight to his family's ranch.

[00:14:52]>> No, he's going to get you fired.

[00:14:55]>> I was dumbfounded and angry after he said he tricked me into attending this barbecue and that I had to suck it up and set this shift out. I was so mad I didn't know what to say. Yeah, I wouldn't know what to say either. This is sneaky and manipulative and he basically kidnapped you. This is not cool. This is like This is maybe divorcew worthy.

[00:15:14]>> I know you shouldn't do this with any spouse, obviously.

[00:15:19]>> Yes, >> it's so much worse to do this to a doctor or a nurse.

[00:15:23]>> Like, they're needed at work. Their job is important. It's way more important than your family barbecue. They're out there saving lives, >> right? Like, if you did this to me and I missed a day at my advertising job, I'd be I'd be mad at you. But I I wouldn't be like fur as furious as if I was a nurse.

[00:15:44]>> She has patients that are counting on her.

[00:15:47]>> We got to the ranch and I sat outside fuming. I waited and saw I still had time to make it to the hospital if I figured out a way to get there. I watched my husband go inside, leaving his keychain next to me, right where he was sitting.

[00:15:58]>> Wow, that is really dumb of him. Did he not see this coming?

[00:16:01]>> I mean, he already got her there. Why would >> Why would she leave? Yeah, >> cuz she wants to go to work like she said she did.

[00:16:09]>> I took it and rushed to the back where all the cars were parked. Got into the car and drove off. His dad saw me and told him. He started calling my phone relentlessly till I turned it off. I got to the hospital in time, but didn't dare turn my phone on till it was past 8:00 p.m. I opened it and saw tons of angry messages from him berating me, calling me horrible and a manipulator.

[00:16:29]>> Oh, yeah. She's the manipulator.

[00:16:31]>> Well, she just ditched him. She just ditched him and now he doesn't have his car so he can't get home and he's stuck at his parents' ranch. Serves him right.

[00:16:39]>> I got on the phone with him and he yelled about the awful stunt I pulled and bailing from the party.

[00:16:43]>> Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. She pulled an awful stunt. I am I'm so mad.

[00:16:48]>> She just drove off in front of everyone.

[00:16:50]Christy, the the the notions of this woman.

[00:16:54]>> How dare she? That is so disrespectful of her. She has no respect for her husband, the the head of the household who should make all the important decisions.

[00:17:03]>> I got on the phone with him and he yelled about the awful stunt I pulled and bailing from the party and making him look bad in front of his family. He then calmed down and said that he now knows that work is more important to me and that he won't ever trust me after I basically stole his car and ran with it.

[00:17:18]>> He stole you and ran with you. He kidnapped you. I I'm so mad at this guy.

[00:17:23]He's He is such a hypocrite. We've been on terrible terms since then. His family are also mad, but I haven't spoken to them about it yet.

[00:17:30]>> Do they have the whole story? Do they know that he kidnapped you and wouldn't let you go work your work shift like a responsible adult that you are and he just kidnapped you and was like, "Let's go party instead."

[00:17:41]>> Am I the [ __ ] for what I did? I was desperate and worried that missing my shift might cost me my job.

[00:17:46]>> See, yes, she is a responsible adult.

[00:17:49]She doesn't want to lose her job and he wants her to lose her job just so they can go hang out with his family at a family barbecue. I'm so mad at this man.

[00:17:57]He is garbage. Throw him away. He does not respect you or your job. Does he want her to get fired so that she's like stuck at home and dependent on him? I cannot figure this out because if she's not a nurse and isn't working all the time, then she will have time to go to these family parties and wait on him hand and foot like all his brother's wives do probably.

[00:18:16]>> Yeah. There's no real justification for just taking your wife and driving in the wrong direction from her job. I I get that he's probably feeling lonely cuz she said that the past couple years her job has been really hectic and it sounds like he's not getting as much like facetime with his wife as he wants. This is not the solution to that. No, I was like you need to sit down and have a conversation with her about like how her work is affecting your relationship and come to a solution together. like could she maybe cut back on her hours if you guys are financially stable? But I don't know. Uh just kidnapping her is not the way to go. And he's not even a good kidnapper. He left the keys with her where she could get them and escape.

[00:18:59]He's a terrible criminal.

[00:19:00]>> And then dad ratted her out as she was driving away. Although I think anyone in the family would have been like, "Why did your wife just drive off?"

[00:19:09]>> Yeah. You brought her here. She was here. And then she just flew out of here like a bat out of hell in your car.

[00:19:14]>> Yeah. She didn't even come in and say hi. I have to assume family doesn't have the full story.

[00:19:18]>> No, I I really hope they don't and that's why they're, you know, berating her and everything, but I feel like it I I feel like they need to know the whole story.

[00:19:27]>> And husband, sorry that your brothers teased you. That's just what brothers do. Suck it up.

[00:19:33]>> Yeah, that's just sibling behavior. You You just got to get used to it and not let it, you know, get to you. And like that's not even really mean teasing.

[00:19:41]That's just kind of like playful teasing in my opinion.

[00:19:45]Probably.

[00:19:46]>> Probably.

[00:19:47]>> Top comment, not the [ __ ] You do know that he was the one that [ __ ] with your tires, right?

[00:19:52]>> Oh, yeah. I hope she I assumed she figured that out. Hopefully, he didn't slash them and he just let the air out.

[00:19:58]>> Slashing them would be unhinged cuz he has to pay for the tires.

[00:20:03]>> Yeah.

[00:20:04]>> I mean, out of family finances, but I I'm assuming that the the air was just let out of them.

[00:20:10]>> Well, yeah. I mean, he'd definitely have to pay for them if she got fired for not showing up for a shift.

[00:20:15]>> Another comment. Not the [ __ ] I'm sorry. He called you manipulative. The person that lied to your face to get you to do what he wants. On top of this, he prioritizes his leisure time over your career. Don't you dare apologize to him.

[00:20:29]Feel free to leave him. Yeah. I just feel like this guy is such a hypocrite.

[00:20:34]He's such a manipulator, but he's calling you the manipulative one. I just he he's a lying butt face. You need to divorce him.

[00:20:42]>> Yeah. There's not really a step in a marriage spat where you just drive off with them in the passenger seat. You You talk about it. You maybe yell about it a little. It can be healthy to yell at each other a little, but this has gone well beyond healthy.

[00:21:00]>> I'm not even sure that like therapy could fix this. I would never trust him again. I mean, he flat out said he couldn't trust her, so I don't know what the solution is here.

[00:21:09]>> Divorce, apparently.

[00:21:12]You know, we don't usually like to just jump to the divorce thing. This one is pretty egregious.

[00:21:17]>> Yeah, I know Reddit is really quick to jump to divorce, and I'm always like, "Well, maybe you could try therapy and work it out." No, this time I think I'm I'm with Reddit. Straight to divorce.

[00:21:27]>> Another comment. Not the [ __ ] What did he think would happen? You'd be fine with this trick? What about you just not showing up for your shift? Did he care about how that would affect multiple people? He deserves what he gets in my opinion. OP replied, I wasn't happy with it, but I think that by doing this, he'd basically force my hand, which is something he does often times. Oh, this is a habit with him. Well, definitely divorce. Like, no, this isn't cool. You should never have to force your spouse's hand and anything like if that if we get to that point, it is not a good relationship and you at least need counseling and therapy.

[00:22:07]>> Yeah. You're not really a team at that point. You're in competition with each other.

[00:22:10]>> Yeah. And that's not how a marriage should be.

[00:22:13]>> And Reddit pretty much overwhelmingly agrees, not the [ __ ] It's not okay to just drive off with your spouse like that. There are a couple comments from other nurses though that are everyone sucks here. Oh, >> okay. Let me hear those.

[00:22:25]>> I'm sorry. I'm sure I'll get downvoted into oblivion. I'm a nurse, too, and you both suck. He shouldn't have kidnapped you. That is very controlling and uncaring of your time. But you made no attempt to attend an event that was obviously important to him. Are you one of those nurses that pick up extra all the time? You said shift to cover.

[00:22:43]Nurses work 312 usually. Is it different where you work? cuz that is plenty of time to attend more family events with him if you're not picking up too many extra days. Like you're the only nurse that can save everyone. I know there's a shortage, but you can still say no. It sounds like you'd rather work than be with your husband or family. So if that's the case, why are you still together? And was he doing this out of desperation for your attention? Or has he always been an inconsiderate jerk?

[00:23:09]Either way, why do you stay? How far away is his family's place? You said it's a hassle to get to, but you were able to get there and back in time for work starting at 400 p.m. Do you not like his family? Do you not like him? I know people are siding with you because your husband overstepped in a weird controlling way, which is why he also sucks. But I've known plenty of nurses that just work, work, work, like staffing the hospital is solely their responsibility. If it's harming your marriage and home life, you need to take a step back. If work is more important to you, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. I can kind of see the validity of those points, but with the information in the story, we don't know like how much of her schedule is filled with work, just that she's been very busy and very stressed with it. And even if she is overwork and it's impacting their relationship, which it obviously is because he wants her to spend more time with the family and she just does not have the time for that or does not care to do it. That does not justify him kidnapping her in any way.

[00:24:11]>> I think at least in this instance, husband's assholeery way outweighs ops.

[00:24:17]>> Like, it was not even a close competition.

[00:24:20]>> Hey, if all this barbecue drama has you salivating, hit that subscribe button.

[00:24:24]>> We really appreciate the support and it lets us know to keep making fun content for you guys.

[00:24:29]>> Am I the [ __ ] for tricking my in-laws into trying my food? Ooh, I feel like it is never a good thing to trick someone.

[00:24:36]Like tricking someone does make you the [ __ ] but why don't they want to try your food? This isn't necessarily my proudest moment, but I am tired of being the outcast. My 32 female husband, Pete, 34, male, comes from a family where the women are all bakers. I am a baker myself, and I used to sell out of my house under my state's cottage laws, but stopped because I like it just being a hobby. His sister-in-law, Kay, 39, is the one who is known for her cupcakes and cake pops. When I first met everyone years ago, it was the first thing I learned. Everyone talked about everything she made. Even when Pete mentioned how good my stuff was, everyone would say that Kate sells hers and they're popular, so they must be better. Whenever I bring treats, they are often left untouched because they are not K's. Yes, I've been told that.

[00:25:25]>> Wow, that is that is something. That's kind of insulting.

[00:25:30]>> They asked me to bring something every get together and never touch it.

[00:25:33]>> That's really insulting.

[00:25:35]>> To be clear, Kay is mainly a baker, whereas I bake and specialize in professionally decorated cakes. Kay says that overly decorated cakes are compensating for their bad taste, and Pete's family agrees.

[00:25:47]>> H okay. Um I don't know about that, but >> I do kind of agree with that one. Sorry.

[00:25:55]Most of the time. I mean, yeah, I have had some beautifully decorated cakes that I've bought that then turned out to be kind of dry and not very good. It's not even often like a dryness issue. It just from my observations, a lot of times when the cupcake is like super fancy decorated and it's like, you know, looks like a little animal or something.

[00:26:15]It's usually just vanilla flavored under that.

[00:26:18]>> Yeah. Which can be tasty, but sometimes you want a little pizzazz in your flavor. We had a barbecue Monday for Memorial Day and everyone made their treats. Kate decided to bring cake pops.

[00:26:29]She posted them on her Instagram the night before. So, and I know this is immature. I made the exact same ones she did. Same flavor and design. I don't even know what to say to that. Like, I feel like this is going in a very petty direction, but is it warranted? Uh, probably.

[00:26:47]>> We got there and everyone asked where my treats were. I said they're in the car and I'll get them in a minute. So, I waited for everyone to be outside. Then, I brought mine in and put them next to K's. After we ate, I noticed the family eating my cake pops and not Kay's. She didn't notice at first and then asked if they weren't feeling cake pops. They said they just ate them and they were the best she ever made and asked what she did different. Mother-in-law even said they looked so much better in person than in her picture. Ooh, burn.

[00:27:16]Kay was confused and said hers were still on the table. That's when I said, "Oh, I brought those. was glad you enjoyed them. Her husband said he hadn't had one yet. Lies. He ate two.

[00:27:27]>> Oh, no. Oh, he But he's got to support his wife.

[00:27:30]>> And everyone just said, "Yeah, they were okay." Kay didn't say anything the rest of the night.

[00:27:36]>> Suddenly, we go from, "They're so good.

[00:27:38]They're so much better than usual. What did you change?" to, "Eh, they were okay just because they found out they were yours. This family doesn't like you."

[00:27:45]>> Or just awkward silence.

[00:27:47]>> Yeah. or the husband trying to cover his tracks and sweep those cake pop sticks under the rug. Pete thought it was funny. He didn't know what I did until the reveal, but his brother, Kay's husband, said yesterday that what I did was mean, and I'm just mad that Kay is a better baker. But Pete said it's ridiculous the family, including Kay, puts down my baking when they won't even try at all because I'm not Kay. Am I the [ __ ] >> I don't know. I'm divided on this one.

[00:28:15]Part of me thinks not the [ __ ] and part of me thinks a little bit you're the [ __ ] Now, are your in-laws all [ __ ] for not even trying your baking and being like, "Well, it it cannot compare to Kay's baking." Uh, yeah, totally. That's very [ __ ] behavior.

[00:28:29]This is just clear favoritism of Kay over you because that's their daughter or sister or whatever, and you are just the new interloper and they do not particularly care for you.

[00:28:39]>> Yeah. OP went to a lot of work to make desserts and they're like, "Well, I can't be as good as K's. case. Just have two desserts, jerk.

[00:28:47]>> I mean, can you ever have too much desserts? No, I'd be eating both of them. But also to then be like, can you please bring something and then not eating it when she does bring it? It's really rude. I would stop bringing things. At the very least, I would stop making things. I might just start bringing store-bought things.

[00:29:05]>> But then Kay wins.

[00:29:06]>> Yes, but then Kay wins. But I don't know if there is a way that you can win. Like this was this was a plan. But did it really change anything? No. They still prefer Kay's cake pops over yours because Kay is their precious golden child and she is known for baking. No one can be as good of a baker as Kay, especially not you. Like Opie did pull off a scheme and trick all of her in-laws into eating her baking. I don't know. I feel like at worst it's justified [ __ ] behavior, but the family is definitely the bigger [ __ ] here. I think I'm leaning towards not the [ __ ] just by like the weight of the scales. Yes, that's what I'm kind of thinking too. Like I feel like she's not an [ __ ] for trying to stand up for herself, but but it's not actually going to do any good. So all she did was cause all this drama for unnecessarily because it's not actually going to change anything. I mean, she was trying to prove a point, but they are refusing to see the point that was being made.

[00:30:12]>> It did make her and Pete feel more justified, though.

[00:30:15]>> It did, but I also feel like it made Pete's family dislike you more. And in the long run, which one do you want better? Your in-laws to like you or to be proven right that you are a good baker? I don't know which one. You know, I mean, the family definitely sucks, but I feel like this might have been not a hill I was willing to die on. Like, well, they love K's baking. That's just how it is. I'm not even going to try and compete. Like, I would just not bring baked goods anymore. I would find a side dish to bring and let that be my signature thing.

[00:30:49]>> Yeah, I can see that point. But also, it does sound like baking is important to OP. So, it it does suck that they would have to give up on, you know, baking desserts when they come to family gatherings.

[00:31:02]>> Yeah, that's a good point. Like, I would much rather bake something than cook something to bring to the family gathering. So, yeah, I might be upset that I couldn't bring baked goods.

[00:31:12]>> Reddit's verdict is not the [ __ ] >> Okay, >> one of the top comments. What you did was petty. I don't blame you of being pissed for them, but it was still petty as hell. For that reason, I give you a soft you're the [ __ ] and a high five for making them look dumb. OP says, "I'll take it."

[00:31:26]>> Yeah. I mean, she did make them look dumb. They were all like, "This is really good. This is better than usual."

[00:31:30]And then had to backpedal and be like, "No, no, his case is still better once they found out the truth, which does make them look really dumb and also petty."

[00:31:39]>> Odin is all over your microphone today.

[00:31:42]>> He is.

[00:31:42]>> I hope it's not like just >> I was watching the last episode and he kept headbutting it and it didn't affect the sound at all. So, I was like, I think it's okay. Well, I had to cut a bunch of I had to cut a bunch of thuds out.

[00:31:53]>> Oh, >> if it's a little rub, it doesn't affect it, >> but there were a few thuds.

[00:31:59]>> Well, then there just the people not watching will be confused and the people watching will be like, "Oh, cat."

[00:32:05]>> Yeah, exactly. Another comment. I think you're not the [ __ ] I also think this is hysterical. I'm also incredibly petty, so keep that in mind when reviewing my judgment. I think you're going to notice a lot of the comments are like, "Yeah, this is petty, but it's also awesome." So, not the [ __ ] I think I don't think many people are disagreeing with the fact that it is petty. Oh, it definitely is, but is is it a justified petty? And I do think it kind of is, but I just don't think it's going to accomplish what she was hoping it would. Like, she was hoping they'd be like, "We were wrong. You are a great baker. Please bring more baked goods to family gatherings and we will enjoy them. And they're just they're never going to do that.

[00:32:48]>> Not the [ __ ] Got to love how they said how much better it looked and tasted when they thought Kay made it, but immediately changed their tune once the truth came out. Kay sounds like an insufferable snob when it comes to baking. And there's clear favoritism in the family. So, it's high time you made your point. And thank goodness Pete had your back.

[00:33:06]>> Oh, I do like that her husband has had her back this whole time being like, "She's really good at baking, too. you guys should try her stuff and was totally behind her petty scheme.

[00:33:15]>> Pete sounds like a good supportive husband. Even when he wasn't in on the scheme, he's just like, "That's hilarious and I love it." Another comment. I mean, people are going to say you're the [ __ ] for all that petty, but you know what? I'm here for it. Not the [ __ ] Kate needed to be taken down a notch, and the family needed to hear how shittily they've been treating you. You're not obligated to follow along while everyone puffs up her ego.

[00:33:40]Oh, those weren't yours. They were okay.

[00:33:43]Yeets the eight or so lollipop sticks into the bushes to clear the evidence.

[00:33:47]>> Yeah. Oh, we none of us enjoyed them.

[00:33:50]That's why they're all gone.

[00:33:53]>> But even though the verdicts in the comments are like, "Not the [ __ ] you're the [ __ ] Everyone sucks here." Like a decent mix, they all come down to what you did was petty, but we support you.

[00:34:05]>> And I do agree with that at least. Am I the [ __ ] for bringing my own food to my mother-in-law's house?

[00:34:11]>> Ooh. Okay. There are a lot of scenarios where you are justified in bringing your own food, like if you have severe food allergies or restrictions, but there are ways you can still be rude about that.

[00:34:22]So, I think it depends entirely on the situation. My mother-in-law hosted a barbecue at her house last weekend. I have several serious food intolerances as well as food allergies. So, I have to be very careful when I'm eating food I have not prepared or if I do not know what is in it. My mother-in-law is very aware of my food allergies and intolerances and has been for the 22 years that we have been married. Lactose intolerant, egg allergy, shellfish allergy, strawberry allergy. My mother-in-law is one of those people who believe that you eat what is served or you do not eat. And that food allergies are something that people make up in their heads.

[00:34:56]>> Okay, your mother-in-law sucks. No, food allergies are like valid and life-threatening sometimes. And also, you can't expect someone with food allergies to come to an event and if there's nothing they can eat, expect them to not eat. You need to either provide something for them to eat or let them bring their own food that they can eat. You can't starve people. That's how you get hangry people and get fights.

[00:35:20]>> Saying that a shellfish allergy is just all in your head is a wild take.

[00:35:25]>> Yeah, that is that's kind of crazy. I asked her what she was serving at the barbecue to see if there would one be anything I could eat and two if I needed to be concerned about anything she was serving. Most of everything that she was planning to serve contained something I could not eat. This is not the first time that she has served food that I was unable to eat. At Thanksgiving 2 years ago, the only thing I could eat were the dinner rolls and the salad. She got super offended that I did not eat and called me overly dramatic. If I eat before I go and do not eat anything, she guilt trips me and tries to get me to eat. She's trying to kill you. So, this time I discussed with my spouse the possibility of me bringing my own food to mother-in-law's house. They agreed with me that it was a good idea, but warned me not to let mother-in-law see it. I brought two small containers to the barbecue in a cooler bag and put it under my chair. When it was time to eat, I quietly served myself from the containers and put my plate on the table. Mother-in-law is going to see this isn't being sneaky at all. If you need to be sneaky about it, you need to hide it in your car and just run out to your car for a few minutes and scarf down your food.

[00:36:28]>> Uh, yeah. I don't think OP was trying to hide it as much as spouse wanted them to.

[00:36:32]>> I mean, should she have to hide it?

[00:36:34]Absolutely not. But if you're trying to avoid a fight with mother-in-law, which this is definitely going to lead to, then you need to be sneakier about it.

[00:36:41]>> When my mother-in-law saw that I was eating food that was different than everyone else, she immediately got upset and told me how rude I was to bring food. I explained to her that nothing she was serving was food I could safely eat. And she went on about how I always have to make myself the center of attention. My spouse told mother-in-law that she has known for almost two decades that I had food allergies. So, it should not shock her that after years of being unable to eat at family gatherings, I would bring my own food.

[00:37:07]Father-in-law then got up and told us both we were being rude and disrespectful to mother-in-law, as she had spent tons of money and time preparing for this barbecue. spouse grabbed our things and we left after a few more choice words with their parents. Our phones have been blowing up non-stop. Some people agreeing that mother-in-law was overreacting. Others think I should have eaten what I could out of politeness or eaten before I came. I'm really torn and upset. I did not mean to cause drama, and I am hurt that spouse is arguing with their parents. I did not mean to offend mother-in-law, and certainly not ruin a barbecue. Am I the [ __ ] for bringing my own food to mother-in-law's barbecue?

[00:37:43]I mean, not the [ __ ] You need to eat. And if mother-in-law isn't going to provide food that you can safely eat, you got to provide it for yourself. Now, I do think I'm not sure completely on the etiquette of this. But if you are in this situation, is it more polite to bring a dish that is safe for you to eat and but it's enough for everybody to try it? Cuz I do feel like eating a single portion of food that nobody else can try in front of them is a little bit rude. I mean, in a good supportive family, everyone should know that you have allergies and not care. But I think it would be completely normal to bring a casserole that you're capable of eating.

[00:38:22]But I also think it's completely normal for a mother-in-law to prepare dishes that everyone can eat, at least some of them, right?

[00:38:29]>> Yeah. Cuz I mean, I do get food allergies are hard to plan around. So you don't plan the entire meal around them maybe, but you do make sure there is at least a few things that that person can eat at your gathering cuz OP listed lactose intolerant, egg allergy, shellfish allergy, strawberry allergy.

[00:38:47]It's a barbecue. It's not hard to avoid those four things. I know that like eggs and lactose are in a lot of dishes.

[00:38:57]>> Yeah, >> but it's a barbecue. There's none of that in a hot dog. There's none of that in chicken.

[00:39:04]>> Yeah. I'm also trying to figure out how did they take like a hamburger patty and make it that she's unable to eat it with those those four restrictions. I don't understand that.

[00:39:14]>> I have to assume it's some sort of sauce.

[00:39:16]>> But can they not just make her a patty without sauce? I mean, maybe the bun has milk or butter or eggs in it, so you can't eat the bun. I get that. But a plain beef patty should be edible to her. How are they messing this up for her? That's why I'm thinking like maybe they just did chicken, but they put the sauce that OP can't eat on everything, >> which seems very purposeful. Like they're doing it on purpose to exclude her and like try and trick her into eating it and then being like, "Haha, you don't have allergies."

[00:39:46]>> Yeah. As their throat closes up >> or as they run to the bathroom with a very upset stomach.

[00:39:52]>> Reddit says, "Not the asshole."

[00:39:54]Obviously.

[00:39:54]>> Yeah.

[00:39:55]>> Top comment, "Not the [ __ ] There's no winning here. Your mother-in-law knows she can make you seriously sick with the food she serves and has no one for two decades. She complains when you eat before you come. She complains when you only eat what's there that you can eat. And she complains when you bring your own food. And I'm sure she'll absolutely make a martyr of herself if you opt to not turn up at these family events. You've got a good spouse there.

[00:40:18]It seems like well past time for a long talk about just how much contact y'all should have individually and collectively with your in-laws. Yeah, mother-in-law is very unsupportive of OP.

[00:40:29]>> Somebody replied to that comment, though. In no universe is the spouse good. Yes, they backed OP up, but they should have shut their mother's behavior down like 20 years ago. They have quietly been allowing this to go on for two decades. Their mother putting their spouse's health in danger. Spouse is hardcore the [ __ ] They're an [ __ ] dressed in sheep's clothing. Yeah, I can kind I can get behind that. Like spouse should have been making sure that OP had food to eat at all of these gatherings from the very beginning. That's what a good partner would do.

[00:41:00]>> Yeah, but it does sound like maybe mother-in-law is the type to just ignore spouse's complaints. It's just a little hard for me to demonize the spouse for not being able to get a very stubborn mother to do something. Okay, I get if spouse couldn't make their mother make food that was safe for OP to eat, but they should have at least been bringing food that was safe for OP to eat the whole time and then shutting down any complaints their mother had about it.

[00:41:27]>> That is true. If it's been 20 years, I have to assume spouse has not been pushing hard enough on this issue.

[00:41:33]>> No, like this should have been resolved a long time ago or contact was cut because they're terrible people.

[00:41:38]>> Not the [ __ ] She would have been offended no matter what. If she invites you and has no one about your allergies, she needs to provide something you can eat or STFU when you don't eat or bring something that you can eat. It's not hard to be a considerate host. She's just doing it on purpose. Not the [ __ ] And for heck's sake, either don't eat there or always bring your own food. This sounds like a person who would hide ingredients in a dish to show your allergies aren't real. And maybe that's the reason OP hasn't eaten anything there because they're afraid that mother-in-law has snuck something into the food. That's why the only thing they eat are the store-bought dinner rolls and salad, cuz how can you sneak stuff into that?

[00:42:18]>> Yeah, those are the safety options for a lot of people. And Reddit is very firm and they're not the [ __ ] here.

[00:42:25]Mother-in-law just needs to make dishes that everyone can eat, or at least a few that OP can eat.

[00:42:30]>> Yeah, that is what a good mother-in-law and just a decent person would do. Am I the [ __ ] for not inviting the neighborhood snitch or the HOA board to our neighborhood barbecue?

[00:42:41]>> No, we hate those guys. We're not inviting them to the cool neighborhood hangout barbecue.

[00:42:46]>> There's around 10 houses in my neighborhood of 120 that are not in the HOA. Mine included. We or previous owners were smart enough to not join the HOA. As a result, I am able to make extensions and I have a pool which I host neighborhood parties occasionally.

[00:43:01]My HOA is one of the worst HOAs.

[00:43:03]Constantly finding people hundreds of dollars for parking violations, painting their fences the wrong shades of brown, wrong color curtains, having two flags, etc. >> Isn't that all HOAs? They're just solely exist to fine people for trying to decorate their houses in ways that they don't approve of.

[00:43:20]>> It's at least the HOAs that you hear about. They're not the worst HOA, but they're bad. We also got a shitty neighbor, Jessica, who likes to go around and snap photos of people's violations and then post it on the Next Door app to shame them. She prides herself in this, thinking it makes the neighborhood better when she shames the Smiths for having a fence that's 2 in too high, or the Johnson's for having light brown door instead of a dark brown door.

[00:43:46]>> Wow. Does she not realize that everyone hates her for doing this?

[00:43:51]>> Nobody likes the neighborhood snitch.

[00:43:53]>> No.

[00:43:53]>> And every neighborhood has one. Jessica is a unpleasant lady.

[00:44:00]>> Ah, yes. I can tell because she's a snitch. And you can tell that's exactly the words OP used, right?

[00:44:05]>> Yes, that is exactly the words.

[00:44:07]Definitely not a word that I don't want to say. She's probably cost neighbors thousands of dollars in fines or forcing them to renovate. I absolutely lost my [ __ ] when Jessica posted in the Nextdoor app about how Mrs. Jensen, 85year-old woman currently having serious medical issues, has a lawn that's a couple inches too high. She obviously can't mow the lawn and was too busy to notice. The HOA then fined her $500.

[00:44:31]>> Okay, when you are like having a medical crisis, that's expensive. You don't need a $500 fine for cutting your grass on top of that. Also, $500 for having your grass too high. Wow, that's a lot. Yeah, we don't have an HOA, but we do live in like a city where >> the city will find you if your grass is too high.

[00:44:51]>> Yeah, but the city just finds you like the cost of mowing the yard because they send a crew out and they do they that crew charges a lot, but it's not $500.

[00:45:02]I don't think I made a post in the next door app saying that the suburban fascists on the HOA nor Jessica were invited to my barbecue at my house.

[00:45:11]Jessica went on a rant saying how much of an angel she is and how she protects the neighborhood doing her duty. And I told her she's a low-life scumbag busybody and is a pathetic loser with nothing better to do. Opie has opinions about Jessica.

[00:45:25]>> Yes. Uh with the name calling that is a little bit uncalled for, but um I mean she is a very unpleasant woman, but you don't need to in public on a public forum name call her. That seems like bullying. Although, is Jessica herself a bully going around bullying people in the neighborhood for not fitting in with the HOA standards?

[00:45:47]>> A couple people said I was bullying and excluding her. And like four of her friends are boycotting my party and hosting their own party.

[00:45:54]>> Well, we don't want her friends at our party anyways. They're probably just as terrible as she is.

[00:45:59]>> The party happened and nobody else showed up to theirs and ours was a blast. She apparently cried over it. So, are they the [ __ ] Okay, you are the [ __ ] for publicly calling Jessica out and name calling and publicly excluding her from your party. But I mean, she retaliated and kind, so you're both [ __ ] And like, she kind of started it with the whole tattling on everybody in the neighborhood. I don't know. I feel like this is one where it's almost almost a justified [ __ ] If you hadn't resorted to name calling, I would be 100% behind you and say you're not the [ __ ] >> Yeah, cuz nobody likes the neighborhood snitch. I know there's a couple people in our city that seem to just live on that app that they have to report problems.

[00:46:41]>> Oh, yeah. Nobody likes them.

[00:46:44]>> They They just apparently walk around the city and report things that they don't like. You're just looking for trouble. What are you doing?

[00:46:51]>> And most of them are such minor things.

[00:46:54]Like I mean, technically it is against the city's code, but nobody else cares about it except you.

[00:47:01]>> Yeah. I mean, obviously some people just never mow their lawn and it gets to be a problem, but if their grass is like an inch over the limit, may maybe something's going on and they're busy.

[00:47:14]Yeah. Maybe give them a little bit more grace and a little bit more time to sort it out before you start reporting them and finding them. Like, I mean, if it is egregiously overgrown, yeah, but if it's just an inch, I mean, just see if they cut it soon. Just wait and see, >> right? We're all taught in grade school that nobody likes the tattletail.

[00:47:31]>> But some people did not take that lesson to heart.

[00:47:34]>> Top comment, not the [ __ ] People like her are the worst for neighborhoods. Glad you don't tolerate that [ __ ] Very straightforward.

[00:47:42]>> I want to know how many times Jessica has tried to report OP to the HOA, but he's not part of the HOA, so they can't do anything. That's a good question because we actually know a couple people who their house is not in an HOA, but they live adjacent to an HOA and that HOA is constantly trying to pull garbage.

[00:48:01]>> Yeah. They're just constantly harassing them and trying to get them to join the HOA. And they're like, "Why would I join? You guys are terrible. You're over here all the time bothering me."

[00:48:10]>> Yeah. Why would I join the HOA when I have like this stack of papers that I keep because I need a paper trail of just how many fines I'll get if I join.

[00:48:20]Another comment, not the [ __ ] As someone currently living in an HOA, they are the devil.

[00:48:26]>> Nobody likes them. Why are they so prevalent?

[00:48:29]>> We've been fined because someone snitched on us leaving our trash cans out after trash day and almost got another because we had weeds in our front yard because our neighbors can't be asked to remove theirs. Your neighbors deserve it. Lol.

[00:48:42]>> Yeah, I don't think anybody in the comments is gonna get behind someone who is causing neighborhood drama and the HOA that is just finding people left and right.

[00:48:52]>> Even the everyone sucks here comments are kind of along those lines. The HOA people suck for obvious reasons. You suck for making unnecessary drama by posting inflammatory comments on social media instead of just quietly not inviting them. Yeah, I did not really like the part where they're on that forum being like, "These people are terrible and not invited to my barbecue." But at the same time, I'm assuming they probably didn't send out like individual invitations to the neighborhood. It was probably like posted on a forum and like, "Hey, I'm having a barbecue and the whole neighborhood is invited." How do you exclude people from that without specifically naming them?

[00:49:27]>> Yeah, that's 100% how I assume that this went. you like go to the neighborhood Facebook group and say, "Hey, barbecue on Saturday. Everyone's welcome except for Jessica and the HOA."

[00:49:39]>> So, I guess like individually naming them and being like, "You're not invited." is kind of required if you don't want them to come, but you didn't need to name call. But I do also get that you're trying to make a statement that you do not stand behind these people and their actions.

[00:49:53]>> Yeah. It's just so easy for the HOA to turn bad. Like if you're on like a private road and you need to pay to pave the road because the city won't do it.

[00:50:03]>> Yeah.

[00:50:04]>> I understand why they get started in that case.

[00:50:07]>> Yeah.

[00:50:07]>> But they just go bad so often, don't they?

[00:50:10]>> Yeah. Like my sister's house is in an HOA, but they're like pretty laid-back.

[00:50:14]And I was like, this is the only HOA I've ever heard of that was unproatic.

[00:50:20]But then turns out the whole board was embezzling money, so they were problematic. Which is why I think your sister is now on the board because >> yeah, they had to replace the whole board and my sister is like, "Well, I guess I'll do it. I won't embezzle money."

[00:50:32]>> No one else wanted to do it.

[00:50:34]>> Yeah.

[00:50:34]>> The people that want to embezzle money, they absolutely want to do that. But like other than a few people lightly scolding OP for name calling.

[00:50:44]>> Mhm.

[00:50:45]>> Reddit's pretty firmly not the [ __ ] here.

[00:50:48]>> Yeah. Nobody likes the snitch and nobody likes HOAs.

[00:50:51]>> Am I the [ __ ] Husband threw a barbecue party for his friends. I refused to help. Party was a disaster.

[00:50:58]>> I love that actually.

[00:51:00]>> So, my husband likes to invite his friends for barbecue parties. Note his friends, I am not close with them. He prides himself on his barbecue skills.

[00:51:09]The thing is, I always end up doing everything. He buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it and collects praise for his barbecue skills.

[00:51:18]I have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the deck. I prepare the sides and veggies. I refill the drinks and take away dishes so as to keep the main table tidy. It's just non-stop work for me. We don't use paper plates or plastic cups since I find it wasteful. I knew this was going to be a scenario where the husband stands at the grill and is like, I am grilling and the wife is running around getting everything else done and everybody praises the husband for, you know, thanks for hosting the barbecue. Well, that's the that is the star of the barbecue right there is the meat.

[00:51:52]>> But the rest of it is important and doesn't happen without that wife running around and behind the scenes getting it all done.

[00:51:59]>> That's just that's that's supporting cast. That's those are stage hands. Wife needs to dress in like all black and do her best not to be seen by the audience.

[00:52:07]>> Pretend pretend I'm not here. I just stealing this plate that needs to be cleaned.

[00:52:12]>> He just told me last week that he invited his friends for Saturday. Just announced it. didn't ask me. I said, "Well, okay. Do I know anyone?" "Nope.

[00:52:21]Those are all his workmates, and they won't be bringing their spouses." My husband calls it a guy's night. I said, "Okay, then guys night." "Well, enjoy yourselves. I will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine." He said he'll handle it.

[00:52:35]Ooh, okay. So, husband was even like, "Yeah, that's fine." He doesn't realize how much work goes into this barbecue behind the scenes that his wife has been doing. But I do applaud her being like, "Boys night. boys can handle it. I'll be I'll be drinking wine and doing crafts.

[00:52:48]Have fun.

[00:52:49]>> Spoiler alert, he did not handle it. He got the meat all right, but just ignored any other preparations. And I was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted. So, I didn't do anything. He never asks me for help. I just do stuff.

[00:53:03]The patio was a mess. The upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs. The table wasn't wiped down.

[00:53:09]There was stuff laying all around. His friends arrived. I welcomed them and then excused myself to my craft room.

[00:53:15]put some music on and worked. Cue the messages. He started asking for stuff like, "Where are the plates? We only keep a small set in the kitchen. The rest are in the basement. Where are the cups? Why isn't the beer chilled?

[00:53:26]Where's the non-alcoholic beer? Did I not buy it? Where are the sides?" I just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. Edit: This is also where I feel like I might have been the [ __ ] It would have taken me just minutes to tell him where the stuff is.

[00:53:40]Okay. So, she's hiding the plates in plain sight and he just doesn't know where they are. I can't imagine you not knowing where our spare plates are. But maybe that's because you do most of the cooking. I don't know. But you do most of the cooking and I know where the spare plates are.

[00:53:55]>> Yeah, they're on the shelf in the basement where all of our sparse kitchen stuff is. We don't have like a complex organization system in the basement.

[00:54:03]>> And I feel like she probably doesn't either. He's just oblivious. He's never had to deal with it. So, he just never figured out where it was. And that is that is mind-blowing to me. There's stuff in your house and you don't know what it is or where it is and stuff.

[00:54:15]That's weird.

[00:54:16]>> I checked on the guys a few hours later and it was a disaster. Table all cluttered. They ordered some takeout as sides. There weren't enough dishes and silverware. Someone had to go drive for drinks.

[00:54:26]>> They didn't even get drinks. He like really really fumbled on this one. He did not realize how much prep work needs to be done for a barbecue.

[00:54:35]>> I mean, it is a guy's night. I personally don't think the guys would have been too upset about a messy yard.

[00:54:40]>> I might agree with that. Like I feel like the guys might have lower standards for like how fancy this barbecue is supposed to be. It's just guys hanging out.

[00:54:48]>> It's just guys hanging out, but for guys to hang out, you need meat and you need beer and he only got one of them.

[00:54:54]>> Snacks. Snacks are also important and he didn't get those. So, I feel like being messy and everything the guys would have been okay with. But when you did not have adequate food and beverages, then they would probably be upset about that and be like, "This is this barbecue's crap."

[00:55:07]>> Also, plates.

[00:55:08]>> Oh, yeah. Plates. Yeah, that is true.

[00:55:10]>> Plates are helpful.

[00:55:12]>> They're kind of necessary.

[00:55:13]>> On Sunday, he was all grumpy and actually told me that he is disappointed that I didn't pull my weight and that I made our family look sloppy and bad.

[00:55:21]>> He made your family look sloppy and bad?

[00:55:24]What do you mean didn't pull your weight? He said he had it handled. I told him I'm not his little housewife and that he is a big guy and if he embarrassed himself in front of his workmates, that's all on him. And that I'm glad that he can see at least a tiny bit of the work that I do around the house. He got upset and went for a run to let off some steam. Oh, and the patio is full of dishes. He didn't even clean the grill. I'm not touching anything.

[00:55:47]>> No, leave those dishes out there. He'll have to deal with them eventually.

[00:55:52]>> So, are they the [ __ ] >> No, not the [ __ ] And I I love her and applaud her for this. This was great. As this story makes me so happy, but also so mad at the husband.

[00:56:02]>> Yeah, it does sound like he was absolutely taking for granted that wife would step in and handle all the little details and he could just concentrate on that one part that he finds fun.

[00:56:11]Couldn't even be bothered to make the party bring your own beer. Like if you just if you're doing a guy's night, like a casual guys night, you could be like, "Hey, I'll grill the meat. Bring a side dish. Bring a couple beers to share.

[00:56:24]We'll make it a thing. It It doesn't have to be the host doing everything.

[00:56:28]>> Yeah, but he didn't even think about that and prepare for that. He was like, "Just come on over. I got it handled."

[00:56:33]>> Yeah, my house self handles that. I assume. I don't know. It just happens.

[00:56:38]Top comment. Not the [ __ ] In fact, you're so not the [ __ ] that you are my hero. Your husband can kick rocks. If he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror. Somebody replied, "Right, I lost it at told me that he is disappointed I didn't pull my weight."

[00:56:54]He clearly hasn't been pulling his weight for a while now if he doesn't even know where his own dishes are stored.

[00:57:00]>> Not only that, but like didn't think to figure this out ahead of time and check with the wife before guests were there.

[00:57:07]>> Sounds like he didn't do any prep work other than just the meat.

[00:57:10]>> Yeah, like you know you have guests coming over, you get out all the dishes, all the silverware, all the glass. You make sure everything looks nice. You get out all the snacks set up. He didn't do any of that. His friends just showed up and he was like, "Okay, let's start. Uh, where is all the stuff?

[00:57:26]Where is it all?"

[00:57:27]>> Like, I know your wife doesn't like paper plates and plastic cups. If you're going to be a lazy host, just buy some paper plates and plastic cups and take the fallout.

[00:57:37]>> That would have required planning ahead.

[00:57:39]And he wasn't doing that. We're winging it, Josh. We're winging it. And uh hopefully it goes okay, but it didn't.

[00:57:47]Yeah. You know, when you wing something and fail, you learn a lot of lessons from that, don't you?

[00:57:53]>> I feel like he's not though. He's still just blaming wife.

[00:57:56]>> Well, we'll see how the next barbecue goes.

[00:57:58]>> Okay.

[00:57:59]>> You're going to be mad that everything went bad. But even if you're mad about it, hopefully you learn a couple lessons.

[00:58:06]>> Maybe. Yeah. Hopefully.

[00:58:08]>> OP, don't you dare touch any of that mess. He needs to go put the independent big boy pants on and take responsibility for chores just as much as you do. If he considers himself an adult man, then that's part of adulthood. And I think it's time for you to tell him that you're not his mom. If he can wipe his own ass, then he can wipe a table.

[00:58:27]But I do agree with that. Absolutely do not clean up that mess. Do not cave.

[00:58:32]This is his friends and his mess and his responsibility and he can deal with it.

[00:58:36]>> Another comment, not the [ __ ] Is he always this entitled? Rethink your entire relationship dynamic if he is and start demanding for the kind of treatment you deserve.

[00:58:46]Opie replied. I suppose I caused this myself. I'm tidy and he is not. So during the course of the day, he leaves his coffee cup wherever he ends up being when he finishes it. He leaves clothes on kitchen chairs. He just puts stuff wherever. And as I go through the house, I just grab stuff, put it into its place. My craft room is organized. His workshop went off there. But I don't care. It's his place. So most likely, he just got used to the fact that I clean up after him without being prompted.

[00:59:15]It's not some insane mess. He sometimes doesn't even see it or realize it. Like how he shouldn't leave his nice clean shirt in the kitchen where it might absorb the smells. He doesn't mind or see the mess.

[00:59:25]>> I do feel like that happens a lot where the men have lower standards of tidiness than the women do and the women just pick up the slack a lot of the time.

[00:59:34]>> You made a lot of eye contact with me when you said the men have lower standards of uh tidiness.

[00:59:39]>> No, you're pretty good. I'm also not super tidy. I have just piles. I have I have doom piles sitting around where I'm like, I need to take care of this pile, but then I just leave it there. So, I feel like we're both have clutter around that we need to pick up, but you just don't notice some of the other chores that need to be done, like vacuuming the floor. I'm like, this floor is disgusting. We need to vacuum. And you're like, it's fine. But anyways, even if the wife has been picking up after her husband for years, I mean, it's not her fault that he's this clueless.

[01:00:10]>> Another comment, not the [ __ ] why he'd think you'd want to be a waitress for free at his guy's night is a mystery. Hopefully, he'll understand the invisible work you were doing all this time now and appreciate you for it. I'd also guess that while it was a disaster compared to usual, that most of the guests probably had no idea. I don't know if I 100% agree with them not having any idea. Yes, if the house was a bit messier, they probably wouldn't call him out on that. But just not having enough plates >> and then be like, "Well, I uh guess we'll order out for some sides. Let's order some food." You're like, "That's weird to order food to a barbecue, right?"

[01:00:48]>> Yeah. And having to send someone on a beer run.

[01:00:50]>> This should have been taken care of beforehand >> cuz it's not like this is a spontaneous event. And then OP has a quick little edit update to close things out. Okay, >> thank you for the comments. This made me realize I am at fault as well for tolerating this for so long. I went out to clear my head and reconsider many things in our marriage. My husband came back from his run and is pointedly not speaking to me.

[01:01:12]>> Ooh, that's very mature.

[01:01:13]>> I think it's fairly clear that OP is done being the invisible maid.

[01:01:19]>> And good for her. Like, I'm really proud of her for finally standing up for herself. And I hope husband pulls his head out of his butt and like improves himself.

[01:01:27]All right, that's our last story for this episode of Josh and Christy Stealing the Internet. Thanks for watching.