The Truth About Menopause (No One Talks About This)

[00:00:00]Okay. So, today I'm going to be talking about something that nobody in the world wants to talk about, but I'm going to start with a Facebook post that I made uh just a about a week ago and have gotten such a response from it that I'm going to take a break from the finances a minute and let's talk about what's going on with 1 billion women in the world today.

[00:00:30]Uh when I hear that 1 billion, that's when it got my attention. You know, that is not just me. Uh you've got a lot of stuff going out here that people don't going on out here that people don't understand. Uh and we need to be aware.

[00:00:49]So, I'm going to read the Facebook post.

[00:00:51]Um, you can sign off if you want to, but I promise you that some way, somehow, this is going to affect your life, whether you're a man or a woman. Uh, and I just feel like that it's something that needs to be talked about in this video. Uh, and then you know what? In tomorrow's video, you can get right back to those finances. Uh but did you know that 1 billion women are in a menopausal state right now? Which means that the men are suffering with them. Yet it is one of the least studied medical issues out of everything.

[00:01:31]Literally. I thought that was so crazy that we only have a very very small percentage uh of monies going towards this menopausal issue. Uh and my mother never said one word about it. Uh my grandmother never said a word about it.

[00:01:50]Uh so you don't understand what's happening unless people like me just have the nerve to step out there and talk about it, I guess. Uh but you know, nothing on my mother and grandmother.

[00:02:01]They probably didn't understand what they were going through either. Um, and this begins around the age of 47.

[00:02:11]I wasn't aware of that, but by golly, I can look back and I can see it. I can see it loud and clear. So between the ages of 47 to 52, women deal with extreme brain fog, insomnia, moodiness, exhaustion, extreme anxiety, and much more that's, you know, kind of deep diving that women know about and we'll just keep it with a woman. Um, it's no wonder divorce and self harm are at a very high rate when you're going through menopause and it's considered taboo to speak of it and that's super sad because people are not getting the information that they need.

[00:02:55]Uh, so the lack of medical science is leaving us to deal with it. You know, kind of you you kind of push it to the side under the rug, act like it's not happening. Uh, that's not fair. Men and women alike need to understand what is happening so that we can keep the marriages together and keep the women encouraged that you're going to come through this. Uh I'm in a deep study of the symptoms and the options to offset symptoms. Now did you know that your brain can rewire and you will be better than you were before? So stay encouraged men. You will get your wife back better than she was before. Uh but if you feel like that you have gone crazy and you cannot think clearly in your later life, this is probably the condition that you're experiencing right now. Men, do you feel like that your woman hates you right now and that she's lost her mind?

[00:04:02]uh this could be what's going on. And you know what? If you have found answers, please feel free to comment underneath this video. This is an open discussion. Uh and but you know, let's just quit acting like that it's not happening. Uh and help people to live again and get free. So, um I am bringing on my preacher Scott Fischer today because he is a marriage counselor. Uh and you know what? When he saw my post on Facebook, he's like, "Wow, this really needs to be an open discussion because I am dealing with this so much in my counseling and in his own marriage." Right. So, welcome Scott.

[00:04:47]Thank you so much for taking the time to come on here today.

[00:04:51]If uh if I would have checked my mintorial bingo card, I would not have thought it would be a a time when I'd be talking about menopause of all things.

[00:05:00]But I when I did see your post, when I did see your post, um I just couldn't help but reach out to you and and just explain just share how uh this our two worlds are once again overlapping. Um, for those of you who don't know, um, Christie has worked with couples, thousands and thousands of couples all over the United States and the world now. And some of those couples when it comes to their finances are struggling with their marriage. And so, um, I've worked with a lot of folks that a few folks that Christie has worked with, um, and this is a huge issue. This this is a huge issue. And uh I was very delighted that I know that a Christian woman who cares about uh married people's well-being would uh step out and talk about this. There's uh one thing I wanted to share with you. I am not here to mansplain menopause. Um, it's just when when couples come to me and and you I'm relieved when a wife says, "Look, I'm going through menopause. I know there's an issue here." Because as a man, um, knowing your wife is going through menopause is wisdom. It means you're in tune with who your wife truly is. You can see the physiological change. You can tell there's an emotional change. You may even see the spiritual change within your wife happening. That is wisdom. But we go straight to folly when we are the first one as men to mention to our wives they are going through menopause. Um that they know something's going on. Um in the beginning Christie, you mentioned that there's a taboo about talking about it. for all of the railing that I do about the generations coming up behind us and and how much I don't understand them. One thing that Gen X and the millennials have really pushed is the open dialogue about people's mental well-being. Mhm.

[00:07:28]>> And if we take aside the physiological changes that a woman's going through during this transition and we look strictly at the mental and the the spiritual aspect of what a woman's going through, I can see why there's so much tension between husbands and wives during this time.

[00:07:52]frank and open dialogue combined with a lot of patience and empathy can save marriages. So, I'm really thrilled that you took the the the initiative to jump in there and and have this discussion. I I wanted to do my best keyboard warrior and jump right on and say, "Okay, Christie, here it is." But I was just there's way too much to just throw in in a comment except that I do want to say I'm proud you took that that leap.

[00:08:24]>> I just feel like that it is my duty that that's why I created the channel was to get some information that's not talked about uh in most places out to people.

[00:08:38]Um, and I, you know, from my experience, we have, uh, hundreds of thousands of people out there that are going through, uh, what we all in the US, all over the world, are going through with our finances. And like I said at the beginning of this video, I just know that somebody that pulled this up today, whether you were looking at finances or if it popped up in your feed, you're like, "Is this what's wrong with my wife?

[00:09:09]Is this why she's acting like that she's a completely different person?"

[00:09:15]Because I'm going to be honest with you, you kind of are while you're in this state. Yeah, >> you are. and you're going to mature out of it. I just feel sure that you know uh and from what I've uh heard uh and hope to experience is that you're better when you come out on the other side. Um and the Lord made it that way. Obviously, he's the one that created the the woman's body. Uh he's the one which we all know it's a curse. I'm not going to act like it's not a curse, [laughter] but guess what? the men get to go through it with us. H and that's dangerous because you know that's why we're having this discussion today. I am sincerely concerned about people. I've heard of marriages during the 50 50 year old mark where you know just all of a sudden a woman up and decides she doesn't want to be married anymore or maybe the guy's like hey I am so done with you it's it's not funny I I'm done.

[00:10:22]Uh and maybe you know this is the reason that's serious. So that's why you're here and I don't really know where to start with this conversation. So, you're kind of going to have to lead me. Uh, I will start by saying that one, you it feels like you are a completely different person. It feels like that you are so hateful that you don't want to have anybody touch you. Uh, you very seldom want conversation.

[00:11:00]Um, and things irritate you that didn't.

[00:11:04]I'm going to tell you the experience that I had uh in the last couple of years was I went through a time when I was so exhausted that I didn't even want to get up out of bed cuz I thought, okay, well, I've got burnout. You know, I've been working really hard on the channel and I'm just burned out and but I have to keep going.

[00:11:28]there's people depending on me to keep them encouraged. So, I have to keep moving. Uh, and I did, but you know, I've cut back some of my work because I'm like, okay, I'm just exhausted by the end of the day, which now for me is, you know, has been about 3:00 yesterday.

[00:11:49]It was about 10:00 last night. Um, but it's, you know, I'm getting back to where I feel like, you know, getting up and moving again. But, you know, that's kind of where I really saw the first signs that I knew something was wrong.

[00:12:07]I'd been having signs since I was about 47, 48. Um, but this is the emotional side I'm telling you about is that the the uh hatefulness. I I even had a meeting with you probably I don't know it's been several months ago but I had told you I said I've just decided I'm conceited uh and I need you to pray with me about [laughter] this and you're like you're the most not conceited person I've ever [laughter] met but you know or selfish you know I felt like I'm just selfish I want to be left alone I want my time uh and you know you kind of helped me through that, but we didn't have this discussion. So, I'm looking forward to this as well.

[00:12:55]>> We really didn't. Now, the one of the things that's hard to grasp is going back to that. Am I going to be the same person? And the answer is no. I mean, you're not. You're not going to be the same person. I go back to, you know, the first major change that that we go through puberty. You know, that we're not the same. Uh we come ac men were going to come out of it on the other side a little taller maybe a little deeper voice um you know hair my dad balded [laughter] and and uh and and he told me he told me he said uh well you just better pray because all this picking you're doing on me eventually you're going to be bald and so I prayed Lord please don't let me lose my hair and God was good to me it yeah it came out here but grew everywhere else. So, um, be [laughter and gasps] be specific with your prayers. But the truth is, you're not going to be the same person.

[00:13:54]Um, if you go back and look at 19year-old Christy, 30-year-old Christy, you're not the same person you were when you were 19. You're not the same person >> you were at 30. We evolve. What's the biggest fear, though? Am I going to evolve past my spouse? Is my spouse going to love who I am on the other side of this? Am I going to love who's on the other side of all this? And there's there's so much so much to unpack that we can make this a a a 10 piece a 10- part series, but there is a physical, mental, and spiritual change that you're going to go through. And the the the question is is after all these changes, the effects, am I going to be able to am I going to like the person I am on the other side?

[00:14:46]Is my spouse going to like the person I am on the other side? Why can't I communicate how I feel without ripping heads off or or or isolating myself off?

[00:14:57]These are all so these are all things that are common amongst people.

[00:15:03]But we all react differently.

[00:15:07]Um, one of the things that Michelle went through was the physical pain. You know, you you you take issues like in your 30s, you you have fibromyalgia.

[00:15:20]Well, I got bad news. This physiological change that your body is actually going through can be painful.

[00:15:29]Pain and depression go hand in hand.

[00:15:34]The no rocket science to confirm this. Pain hurts physically and mentally and then depression hurts the whole family.

[00:15:48]>> Yeah.

[00:15:49]>> And that's just the way it is.

[00:15:50]Especially if there's anybody with empathy or selfishness in the relationship.

[00:15:58]Kids that are very empathetic, they're going to hurt because mom hurts.

[00:16:05]Mom doesn't feel good. Mom is dad is down. And and uh a selfish person is going to be like, "Mom can't do this for me. My needs aren't being met because of mom's condition." Or, "Mom's always just so mean and grouchy." I don't understand why. And husbands can feel the same way.

[00:16:26]This this can go with par parents because you're going through a change and as a husband when people come to me Christie and usually when couples come to me they're at a critical spot.

[00:16:46]They don't even know how to talk to each other.

[00:16:50]I'll hear men say like everything I say is wrong and then the wife would say well everything I say is wrong. Um trying to figure out ways that they can communicate better.

[00:17:01]Hopefully they have the patience to do that and being open and honest. the Gen X, um, the millennials, we have really opened the door to ripping down the taboo of talking about how I feel.

[00:17:20]And that is so vitally important.

[00:17:24]Mental well-being is 100% as important as your physical body. If you're going to treat your aches, your pains, and your ailments, then you also have to you have to treat your mental well-being. If you're if you're physically in the best shape of your life, but mentally you're way down here right now and you can't seem to get back up to here and nobody understands, your quality of life is terrible. M >> and you know if you're if you're if you're mentally up here but your body is in complete disarray uh you're down >> and spiritually you can be affected in both sides you know where's God in this why is he leaving me feeling so isolated why am I experiencing this Lord when my hope is we understand that is this common, but individual results may vary.

[00:18:32]What do I do? And and Christie, I want to share something with you about why the church is so important.

[00:18:41]Um men have always been taught who, what, where, when, just the facts.

[00:18:50]Women are really good at the why. Why is this happening? Let's discuss this in depth. [snorts] Let's explore our feelings. Let's explore our emotions. Um where men were we're not really programmed to to speak about our emotions. It was a taboo.

[00:19:08]And I don't know why it just did that.

[00:19:13]Sorry. Uh >> oh, your side. There you go.

[00:19:16]>> I'm sorry. We could edit that out right now.

[00:19:18]>> Yeah, we edit.

[00:19:19]>> I just got a phone I just got a phone call. I'm sorry. Um, now I lost my spot. Hold up.

[00:19:28]>> The women were good at the why.

[00:19:30]>> The women are always good at the why.

[00:19:32]They They don't mind exploring. Men were always told, "Suck it up. Just drive through and less apt to talk about their emotional well-being." Um, one of the things I've noticed through the VA though is with the and I hate to say it, but with the with the suicide rate being so high in the military veteran community, um, the the one thing that's helped to slow it down a little bit is making open opportunities to communicate and and removing that taboo of I can't tell people that mentally I'm in a bad space, >> right?

[00:20:18]>> It is okay to not be okay.

[00:20:23]>> Yeah.

[00:20:24]>> And hopefully being able to communicate that. So, one of the things that I like to do is help people break down those walls of communication, help them to have these open and honest conversations and and and let them go through this together. You know what I mean, >> right? Yeah. Um >> I know that um the one of the changes that I really noticed and you brought up God in this um I noticed because I keep prayer journals which I'm writing books about that. Um the prayer journal has been with me since 2001. So, there's a lot of books around here [laughter] that's just talking to God about what I'm going through at that time.

[00:21:13]>> Uh, and the last two years has been what is going on? You know, why am I feeling this way? Um I literally thought it was a spiritual problem for a while because I was like okay um you know I am not acting like an godly person would as far as with my attitudes right especially in the home here. Another thing that I noticed, um, I'm not interested in doing things outside of the the home, uh, from attending church gatherings. I mean, I'm always at church at the appointed times, but the extra things I'm just like, h, you know, I I got to work. Uh, and then even with things that me and my husband used to do all the time. I've talked on the channel about how we love to go sit at the mall uh on Friday, Saturday nights and just watch people and you know how they come out dressed or how they act and you know we just kind of observe and it's just fun for some reason for us older people to do stuff like that. Um and I haven't been you know I I haven't done that in a long time because that's just not an interest. um you know, going to the lake, spending a day, I'm not interested. Uh so just crazy how your mind >> um it's kind of scary and you know, I just wanted everybody to understand that uh I'm doing so much better, but I can really see the changes in, you know, my husband's like, "Well, I don't understand. we've always done this. And I'm like, well, you know, I don't want to do that anymore. And I I kind of was thinking, well, God is telling me, uh, it's time to stop doing this stuff, okay? You you don't need to be out there, you know, in the world or whatever, which we don't do anything worldly, I imagine. Uh, but yeah, it was just like everything was like, well, I'm not sure that's right anymore, and I'm not sure, you know. Ain't that crazy?

[00:23:29]So, yeah. I haven't experience of that.

[00:23:32]>> It's really not crazy. If you go back and you think about when you graduated high school for just a minute and the whole world was right in front of you.

[00:23:41]You know, you the the whole world is right in front of you. You've got you've got the opportunity to take this time and make your mark because your whole life is is changing. And so you have the whole world ahead of you. what menopause tells women, you don't have the whole world in front of you anymore.

[00:24:04]>> Half of your world is is behind you. You know, the the truth of the matter is once we get to to midlife, whether you're a man or woman, you get to a sit a time in your life where you realize there may be more years behind me than I have ahead of me.

[00:24:23]Right?

[00:24:24]>> And now time becomes your most important commodity. Something that we wasted maybe in the past with things that we thought brought us fulfillment and pleasure. If you could have those moments back to spend them maybe doing this.

[00:24:42]So it's not uncommon to say like well you know sitting here uh and just watching the world go by used to be something that we had great joy being.

[00:24:52]Ask yourself, what did you like about it? Was it more the fact that you and Scott were together, there's no tension, there's no nothing. It's just the two of us watching the world go by. Was there something significant? You know, did did I get an illusion of other people's lives from just sitting there?

[00:25:10]What was it about that experience that made it worth my time back then? Because that's what you want to do pressing forward. Find the things that are worth your time. Uh, I not only work with married couples, but I also do a lot of work with the elderly at Abundant Christian Living. And you know, one of the things that I hear repeatedly is the I wish I would have. I wish I would have tried this. I wish I would have went there. And and the regret of that and the why did I why did I put so much energy and emphasis into this? Because Solomon told us all the way back, if it's not for the glory of God, it's all vanity anyway. It's just vanity. So, you may be in a season of your life you're saying, "Now are the moments that matter. I want to leave my thumbrint on this world. I I want somebody to be able to take from from my light something into the rest of this world." So having changes in the things that you enjoy and and things of that nature, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's just being able to communicate that with the person that you love and get them to come along the ride with you. Men, >> what happens if they don't want to come along for the ride? Preacher Scott.

[00:26:32]>> Well, I'll tell you something. It's that's sad. That is sad because you know >> Paul when he talked about the church in Ephesians chapter 5 he gives this beautiful beautiful description of the husband and wife relationship. He he tells us that that that a woman is supposed to have such a trust in her husband that she will submit herself to him in everything. She she can trust him. He is going to be an earthly rock upon which he she can trust. Jesus is the firm foundation and Jesus God put this man in my life to be my so I'm going to I'm going to put my trust in him. And God told us that we are to look at our wives. Jesus to Jesus looks at the church as his bride. When when we are the church, one body, he looks at us the same way we're supposed to look at our spouses. And so the scripture says, "Husbands, love your wives." That's the commandment. Husbands, love your wives.

[00:27:44]And when do you do that? From the very beginning until the very end. So you have to have patience with her. You have to have empathy for her. You have to give her the space she needs and close the gap at the exact same time. But you see the Paul says we do these things because when a man leaves his father and mother, the two become one flesh, one unit.

[00:28:14]And when you don't have communication, it's like your left brain is not telling your right brain things and the body itself isn't functioning right.

[00:28:25]But when you two are that become one flesh can openly communicate this is what I need.

[00:28:33]Are you willing to be there for what I need right now?

[00:28:37]And an empathetic, kind, loving husband will say yes, I will be what you need.

[00:28:42]I'll be what you need.

[00:28:44]Um, one thing that I I tell people all the time, we can't let the season of our life dictate how we treat other people. You know, um, I this Sunday is God and country week at Borderview. And then the next week we're in July, we're starting a whole series of lessons entitled Do No Harm.

[00:29:14]And as someone who follows the Lord, a Proverbs 31 wife, a Proverbs 31 mother, if you go back and you look at those characteristics, first do no harm. Um, and so if you have to isolate yourself for a little while, you say, "Guys, I I need some me time before I do harm." [laughter] You know, >> yeah, >> do that. Do that. But um yeah, it's it's it's a journey together.

[00:29:48]My true faith tells me on the other side of it as billions of women are in this situation right now, Christie, billions before have made it to the other side, >> right? and and they make it through and they go on and they they get past the the change and in many ways embrace the change and and really start to enjoy that next season of life >> and that's a blessing. That's a huge blessing.

[00:30:22]>> I agree. I agree. So, when you deal with couples though that are involved in this season of their lives, um, how do you feel like that the husband can deal with what's going on without it literally just pushing him away or driving him crazy? Uh, because it's it's a real I mean, I'm not going to act like that. It's it's uh oh, it's just, you know, it's menopause. Get over it. Uh it's really a mind it's a mind shift. Um almost a mind game that you you know they the men may feel like that you're playing with them.

[00:31:11]Um I mean when you deal with the couples in this therapy kind of that you go through with them what have you seen as far as men who actually come through this with their wives? What is what's some steps that they they can take uh to feel like that they're helping this along while they themselves are staying sane?

[00:31:38]>> Right. Well, like we said a minute ago, first do no harm. Okay? Sometimes we are never more wrong than when we're right.

[00:31:48]Okay? Um you you you have to love your wife the way Christ loved the church.

[00:31:55]Forgiving, patient, empathetic, and and and just a a support in a rock.

[00:32:05]That's fulfilling the needs. When you're fulfilling the needs of your partner, there is a whole lot less um chances that even while she's going through this change, she'll lash out at you. Because if you're fulfilling the needs of your spouse on a constant before the change starts or even on the onset of the change, if you are giving your spouse what they need, you're going to be all right through the whole thing.

[00:32:38]Now, if you're not giving your wife the things you need that she needs, and you guys are just breezing along, coexisting, not arguing, but but you know, you're still taking your family vacations and and your texts have gotten a night a lot nicer with each other, but you're really not actively trying to fulfill the needs of your spouse. You're just kind of coexisting. Well, you're going to run into a problem because that's not a strengthened that's not a strengthened relationship. That's a cohabitation. And God's not calling your marriage to be a cohabitation. It's complete partnership. When my wife is down, I have to be up.

[00:33:18]When my when I am down, I need my wife up. And we have to remember going through all this, this is a huge change in a woman's life.

[00:33:28]I've noticed with couples that by the time a woman usually begins to go into menopause, um, she's already had her kids, right?

[00:33:38]>> Or or or she's already at the decision point that she either doesn't want kids or doesn't want any more kids. Rarely does menopause hit a woman while she is in that stride saying, "I want five more kids. I can't, you know, I can't take this."

[00:33:54]>> So, a lot of them have already come to that conclusion. Mama will, you know, me and mama were talking about this the other day and she said, "Honey, I had my tubes tied long before I went into menopause." So, that decision is there and and I hope you don't lose viewers. I get a lot of hate mail for hate comments for saying this, >> but we are defiant as a people. And menopause tells women something that is never really told to men. You cannot any longer have children.

[00:34:30]>> You are no, you no longer have the ability to do this. Now Christie, let me ask you a question. How many of the billions of women going through menopause right now were taught their whole life, your whole function as a godly Christian woman is to make babies.

[00:34:48]>> True.

[00:34:49]>> You see, that's that's not >> right >> the truth.

[00:34:54]Your fundamental responsibility as a godly Christian woman is to make sure every single person you know knows Jesus Christ your Lord. That's where purpose comes in. God would not make your purpose something that that will easily be taken away by the world or by nature.

[00:35:13]>> God wouldn't do that.

[00:35:15]>> So you're going to be told as a woman physically you can no longer have babies. Men can produce a child on their deathbed at 100 years old [laughter] and it's not that's just the way it is.

[00:35:31]So a man's never really going to understand that unless they go through something like cancer >> or you know something that physiologically says okay now you are unable but most men are never going to go through that change. my the the hardest thing about me in my 50s is I lost my hair.

[00:35:57]You know, >> the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual trauma that can come along with with go with women going through this change requires a man to be a listening ear. If you don't know how to listen, a coach can help you to listen.

[00:36:19]going through this change, a woman's going to need to know she is heard and has somebody they can communicate with.

[00:36:25]If you're not a good communicator, the good news is you can become a good communicator, but you got to put forth the effort. And uh my encouragement to the women out there is there is joy, there is life on the other side of menopause. It it is there. And some of the most godly women I know that serve and have fulfillment and purpose are post-menopause.

[00:36:54]So >> yeah. Yes. And you know that and I will vouch for that because I I can really see u the maturing which you know I think that we want to hold on to the past and we want to stay 19. uh and we want to, you know, remember, you know, the way it used to be when we were younger. I feel like that that is a real, not just in the menopausal state, but as we get older, that it kind of becomes a sad memory, like, oh, I wish I could feel like I did, you know, about this back then. Uh, and I think we all, you know, being an 80s child, um, when I hear a song in a store, the grocery store, and it's 80s, immediately, you know, memories pop up around what was going on in my life during that time. Uh so I think that a lot of depression in the older people uh not just menopausal women is that you you know it's kind of empty like you know part of your heart's gone because you know I remember when >> um and I just feel like that that has really exploded as well. Uh yeah, I don't but now at this stage I feel like >> I'm ready to you know stay in my purpose and do what you know I love to do right now. That was then I couldn't even imagine going back there and doing some of the things that I did and and God forgive me. I wouldn't want to.

[00:38:35]>> But the idea is is that staying focused on your purpose like you said which is reaching people for Jesus. But how are you going to do that? There's something a talent planted in you, an experience planted in you that you can help people.

[00:38:54]I mean, I was reading that this morning in my study is that God has comforted us through what we've been through so that we can turn around and comfort somebody else with the same comfort we received.

[00:39:08]And you know, to God be the glory. So the thing is talking about you know what we are here today uh people can deny it but it's going to affect your life some way and it may be doing it right now or you may already be past it but if you know I don't come out and share my experience with people and to let a counselor that deals with this uh let people know that you know you are going to experience the brain fog. Oh my gosh, I can't. I didn't even know what brain fog was before. All of a sudden, I'll be sitting, you know, talking in a video.

[00:39:49]Uh, you know, I saw this last year. Uh, and all of a sudden, I would completely forget what I was talking about and I would be like, "Okay, let me get back."

[00:39:58]Or somebody asked me a question and I would like >> fly off to, "Okay, what?" You know, it's just like it you just kind of lose the words for a minute. Thank God that's thank you Lord that's passed. Uh but yeah the brain fog the exhaustion I talked about. Uh you're talking about uh the irritation. Oh, that's where it gets around the people. And my advice, if I were an an adviser and I was going to tell a woman and her husband what needs to happen most during the irritation phase, just leave her alone.

[00:40:46]Just let her sit on her own, you know, speak as you walk through the kitchen, but let her come with the conversation. And some days it's going to be very quiet.

[00:41:02]>> Yes. Because the feeling that was so overpowering for me was I am overwhelmed and if you bring one more thing to me I'm going to explode on you.

[00:41:19]And that is, you know, that is real.

[00:41:23]That that has been real uh here even is don't bother me. Don't offer to touch me and stay in the other room because I can't handle anymore right now. And that's what kept coming up to me was I I can't handle one more thing. So just let me be here by myself. Uh, you know, I noticed too, uh, about what I was going through was watching TV. I've never been one just to sit down. I don't watch the news. I don't appreciate the news, but I never have been one to sit down and like watch comedy shows or watch uh, anything. Even the even in news. I haven't done that in probably 15 years.

[00:42:15]Um, but during the phase I found myself, I want everything stopped. I'm going to stare at somebody else's problems on a murder channel or something, watch their problems, uh, and then that would rest my brain. That's the craziest thing. And I know, you know, people might not understand it, but and to go pick up my daughter from school. I have to pick her up at 3:00. So when I finished work, I would literally put a murder on a documentary >> on my phone as I drove to pick her up so that when I got her, my mind had come down off of work. uh I had, you know, because if I had just run over there and picked her up and then her had attitude with me or her, you know, tried to tell me about her day, I couldn't handle it.

[00:43:17]It was like I don't even want to hear about it. And then you kind of, you know, you listen, but you get aggravated and irritated while they're talking. And I know I'm just trying to be real with what this looks like. Uh, and for me that was my thing was, okay, when I got to that overwhelmed state of mind, I would put on a documentary talking about something, you know, awful that had happened in somebody's else's life, unfortunately. And you, for some reason, that would take my focus off of what was happening with me, put it over there, and calm me back down to where I was ready to deal with people. So, you know, that's just a tactic that I used. Uh, and you know, watching TV, which I think it's a waste. I think it's a waste of time. I feel like you could be developing your life instead of watching other people develop theirs. Uh, I literally He's He's not in the room. Ellie's not in the room. I had the TV taken down off of the wall because I said, I have too much to do. I don't have time to sit here and watch TV. Uh so you can ask the [laughter] >> believe you.

[00:44:34]>> It's a big screen. So we have a hole there right where the it was hanging.

[00:44:39]>> But it's just that >> it's just I was trying to figure out what is wrong with me that I'm wanting to stare at this thing. I've never done that. Um, so you know, women, if you're out there and you're hearing these the this this condition, uh, I don't want you to beat yourself up. It's not your fault. You know, I say that about finances all the time. It's not it's not people's fault that they're in debt. We're in a system that has set us up that way. Ladies, you are in a body that has set you up that way. And it is a curse. It's a curse. Uh, and >> wish we didn't eat that fruit.

[00:45:23]>> It's like >> I should just not touch that tree.

[00:45:26]>> Smack [laughter] Eve, right? Uh, but yeah, it's like it's real.

[00:45:31]>> It's real.

[00:45:32]>> I would tell I would tell men uh be a leader. Pray.

[00:45:39]Um, take take the lead when mom can't.

[00:45:42]And you're supposed to be the spiritual leader in your house. So pray um in your family when when the whole when when mom's not doing well, everybody in the house knows.

[00:45:56]>> Yeah.

[00:45:56]>> So be the be the example on how you deal with it, especially in front of front of your children. Uh the the good news about that is most of the time children are pretty well grown by the time a mom starts or really gets into menopause. Um but be the example. be the example because your daughter is going to go through menopause, you know, and and how you treat your wife is how your wife your daughter is going to say, "Well, this is the way I should expect to be treated." And so, again, the whole premise, do no harm.

[00:46:32]Be patient. Uh I I I tell couples all the time, and Christie, I'm talking about with Christian couples, you'd be amazed how many Christian couples do not take time regularly to just go together, hold hands, and call out to God together in prayer.

[00:46:54]Um, I I can't tell you how I can't tell you how that that truly affects the mental well-being, the spiritual well-being of your marriage.

[00:47:05]>> Um, there's something about hearing your name come from your spouse's mouth to your God with an open heart. um an empathy.

[00:47:17]You know, guys, you will never know what your wife is going through with this kind of change.

[00:47:23]>> But in that same breath, you can provide that love. You're commanded to love her.

[00:47:29]You know, even when it's hard and so you have to be patient and drive through it. Prayer is a really big one.

[00:47:38]And um get hobbies. You know, she might need >> There you go. Yes. Uh, as awful as that sounds, >> give her space.

[00:47:51]>> Me and my husband had to talk about that. I'm like, you're going to have to find something to do because I'm not available. [laughter] >> Yeah. Well, >> I mean, I wasn't like that, but I mean, that's just the way you feel is, okay, I'm shut off. And the best advice I can give to men is don't take it personally.

[00:48:13]you are getting you're getting the brunt of the deal because you are the closest person to her. Um because you should be the closest person to her. Uh don't take it personally because it has nothing to do with you. She hasn't changed the way she feels about you. Uh she doesn't think you're fat and ugly.

[00:48:37]It's nothing about you. This is all a she thing. Um, >> yeah.

[00:48:45]>> You know, I had I'll just tell you my rude first husband. He said to me, "Well, you learn how to deal with whatever it was, it wasn't even nothing like this, uh, something I couldn't control. Well, you deal with it because I will tell you, I won't tolerate it and I will be out of this house."

[00:49:09]And so when a woman hears that immediately now you just piled insecurity on top of what?

[00:49:17]>> Right.

[00:49:17]>> And that's not love, >> you know. Yeah. That's no good. Yeah.

[00:49:21]>> That that that's that's that's not love.

[00:49:23]You see, >> um men, especially the ones coming up now, you know what love is.

[00:49:32]>> Um Forest Gump said, "I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is." And that's the truth. We know what love really looks like. Uh in the concept of doing no harm or to serve one another men get this head of household thing sometimes a little too um misunderstood.

[00:49:55]Uh the the Lord that I serve Christie is sitting on the throne right now. I he is the king of kings, the lord of lords and moments moments before the king of king and lord of lords was betrayed moments before that m just just hours before he was executed.

[00:50:20]He washed his disciples feet.

[00:50:24]I he humbled himself down and washed his disciples feet. Um, if she says something that upsets you, it's okay to recognize it. It's okay to address it, but grow up.

[00:50:38]>> You know, grow up. Take take the hit.

[00:50:41]Take the loss. Um, and everything that you do, ask these questions. Does it glorify God? Is it helping our relationship?

[00:50:53]And is it doing no harm?

[00:50:56]Um, you'll get through.

[00:50:59]>> Yeah.

[00:51:01]>> I'm especially fond of prayer, though.

[00:51:03]There is just there's there's some there's something about it when when I hear my wife talk to God about me. Mhm.

[00:51:13]>> Um >> you know the best thing too um going back to you know just ideas I want to throw to women which you have the medical side you know if you have uh some health provider that's helping you to work out your symptoms you know talking to you about them or you know giving you something to ease the symptoms or whatever. Um, you know, the prayer journal has always been my place to go. Uh, and I can sit and tell God what's happening on the inside of me, what my thoughts are. Uh, you know, and ask him why am I thinking like this? Uh, where did my where did my fun for life go? Right? because you can get I understand the self harm because you get to where wow I'm just really not accomplishing anything and you know everything's all to pieces. I just think it's so important that you know that women and men alike know that um this is real. This is not this is not a joke. Uh this is a real time in your life when you're going to prove in that time if you really love one another, if you're going to hang in there because you're going to be put to the test right here.

[00:52:39]>> I just feel like that's so important because I was not aware of that. Um and you know, I just I just want to hug on the people out there that are going through this. Uh and I know I I pray for you know my YouTube channel uh the subscribers, the followers, whoever is wherever uh do know that I pray over you that the Lord will bless you. Uh the blessing of the Lord is going to win every time. Uh so stay encouraged. Um keep fighting the fight because it's going to be worth it in the end. Um and you know encouragement. I just feel like that so many people just need somebody to tell them it's going to be okay.

[00:53:29]>> It's going to be okay.

[00:53:31]>> That's important.

[00:53:33]>> You're the light of the world. You're the light of the world. And so you want to let your light shine and and when you're in darkness, rely on the light of others.

[00:53:41]>> Um there's a community, you know, that's that's the most beautiful part about being part of a church. um that there are men, husbands that know exactly what you've been through, exactly what you're going through. And even though you can't relate to what your wife's going through, the men of your church can relate to what you're going through. And godly men are going to lead you in a way that helps you to get not only through this season, but bring yourself closer to your spouse. So on the other side of this season, when you have the best version of your wife back and and you have this, there's going to be a trust, there's going to be a bond, there is going to be an she's going to feel as though she could really depend on you during this time, and you're going to reap the rewards of it on the other side. Um, and if you're struggling, reach out. That's that's the biggest thing.

[00:54:40]>> Um, You started all this Christie by talking about the the taboo stigma. It's gone. I want people to understand it is gone. It is okay to not be okay ladies.

[00:54:51]It's okay to not be okay men. It it and it's okay to talk about it. Just do it in spirit and in truth. you know, confessing how you feel, confessing how it's affecting you, confessing how her behavior is affecting him, confessing how his behavior is affecting her. All of those things will help get to the other side. But on the other side, we are promised it is great.

[00:55:21]>> Yeah.

[00:55:22]>> You know, it is it is great that every season of life has a purpose, a time for every season. And and I just pray that that your listeners and the followers of the Lord's church will embrace that next season of life because this a lot of great things can happen during that season, >> right? Um so how about we end today's video with you saying a prayer over uh the people that are, you know, in the middle of what's happening emotionally with their wife or with them. Um and let's just, you know, kind of declare that the the they're going to come through this and it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay.

[00:56:06]>> Sure. Let's pray together. God, I do thank you so much for giving us this venue where we can talk openly and honestly about something that everybody, every couple's going to go through if they have the blessing of longevity.

[00:56:19]Uh Lord, I ask that you help us to show light. uh heavenly father that in our relationships we'll strive diligently to honor your love for us by by fostering that love that we have for each other.

[00:56:34]Uh God give us the patience that we need to get through these trials and tribulations. And Lord uh give us the strength but Lord may we always remember that your grace, mercy and peace is the foundation for everything that we do.

[00:56:49]And so I lift up all these couples to you. I lift up all the people to you that they may see your love and may it sustain them in everything they do. Help us to be a light, heavenly father, and a beacon of strength. And may these marriages grow closer together while they grow closer to you. This is our prayer in Christ's name. Amen.

[00:57:13]>> Amen. One more thing I want to share with you people. This is a 14-year period. [laughter] >> I'm getting I'm not >> long or some shorter.

[00:57:24]>> Yeah. Yeah. And you know, it can go longer. Uh but it can be super short.

[00:57:30]And you know, I had a woman tell me yesterday that she didn't have any symptoms except migraine headaches. Uh so, you know, it just depends on what's going on. The saddest thing I did hear was that women that have to have the hyctomy and have the ovaries removed, um, no matter what age they are, they're going to go into menopause and a wow.

[00:57:56]>> Yeah. And you're talking about, you know, I had a friend that went through it at 23, had to have her ovaries removed, and she went in to menopause and I didn't know what it was at at the time, you know, I just knew that we weren't talking anymore. [laughter] >> Then all of a sudden back, >> we just we don't want the seasons of our life to destroy relationships.

[00:58:23]Um, a keener understanding and an acceptance and and a true compassionate heart will get you through it. That's >> that is the truth.

[00:58:35]>> And I thank you for bringing me in here to talk about it and not making me have to manplain anything. And I I appreciate it. This is this is always a huge blessing.

[00:58:46]>> I appreciate you coming on today. I feel like that transparency is what the people need to get some answers they're looking for. All right, guys. Well, we're going to jump off of here and let you have your day. Thank you so much for joining us. I hope that you've been blessed by what we're talking about today. Whether you're past it, you're in it, or you're not there yet, hang on.

[00:59:09]It's a ride. It's a ride. [gasps] All right, guys. You all have a great day, and I will see you in the next video.