Scientology Speedruns & Audits Are Amazing | MoistCr1TiKaL

Added: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]Have you seen people speedrun in the Scientology HQ? I have.

[00:00:04]I don't know why they're messing with them. They're scary. Don't they have a whole town in Florida they control? You talking about Clearwater?

[00:00:10]Kind of.

[00:00:12]I'm starting to think maybe Scientologists aren't as scary as people led me to believe for like the first 30 years of my life.

[00:00:20]Cuz you got the Tik Tokers now just running in there causing a commotion.

[00:00:25]They're not getting [ __ ] killed or anything.

[00:00:27]They're not getting sued into oblivion.

[00:00:29]Maybe the Scientologists just don't have that kind of motion anymore.

[00:00:32]Or maybe they never really did to begin with. Maybe Xenu didn't bless them with that power.

[00:00:37]They stalked the South Park creators for like a year.

[00:00:41]Well, they're not doing that to any of the Tik Tokers that are making a mockery of them.

[00:00:45]So I just don't think they've got that dog in them anymore.

[00:00:48]They're letting Hulkamania run wild in the Scientology hubs.

[00:00:52]Would you ever join Scien- Scientology?

[00:00:56]No, man.

[00:00:57]This [ __ ] is wack.

[00:01:00]You did just remind me though of Braille.

[00:01:08]Every now and then I think about Braille skateboarding and when Scientology gets mentioned.

[00:01:13]I was actually stunned when I first learned this cuz this channel is how I learned to skate. I think everyone was shocked when this huge plot twist happened.

[00:01:24]He basically became a full-blown high-ranking Scientologist and threw everything else in the [ __ ] It looks like he still tries to do his skateboarding content every now and then though.

[00:01:35]I thought he completely stopped. I guess not.

[00:01:38]Yeah, that's what I that's what we were just talking about. That's how we got on the subject. online and unlike many of the ones I cover, I can actually get behind this one. Scientology speed runs.

[00:01:47]A bunch of Tik Toks are going viral where these people will literally just run straight through the Scientology building and then see how far deep they can get into it before getting caught and kicked out. Typically, I'm not a fan of these pranks where people just throw those glasses on and then bother people for views. But when it's Scientology, I think we can all agree they deserve it.

[00:02:04]Anyway, since so many of these videos >> Damn, 37 mil.

[00:02:08]>> more and more people are going to try and do it. So I'm excited to see where this goes. Someone told one of the creators to get 30 people to do this with them and I'm just waiting for that.

[00:02:16]I also want to see how far someone can go. What does the top floor of the Scientology building look like? Is it like Tom Cruise with a final boss health bar on him?

[00:02:24]>> It's an alternate dimension. It's a it's Xenu's throne.

[00:02:29]It's like where the five elders go to worship Emu.

[00:02:34]No one ever gets to the top floor of Scientology.

[00:02:39]A CERN gateway. Yeah.

[00:02:42]Have Aaron join as a joke. We pitched that idea a couple times over the years.

[00:02:47]It's not a good joke. It just puts them in jeopardy.

[00:02:52]There's not even any fun content for it.

[00:02:56]It's just a bunch of [ __ ] twerps and gullible people who got scammed. It's actually pretty sad.

[00:03:02]Like the average Scientologist that's just getting hosed.

[00:03:07]There's not even cool content to be made with it.

[00:03:10]You watch the Scientology audit on YouTube who just yells at random employees outside their HQ and tells other people not to go in it.

[00:03:18]No. What?

[00:03:20]Wow, Scien- Scientology audit streets of LA.

[00:03:26]Damn, these views are crazy.

[00:03:36]Inside.

[00:03:37]Inside.

[00:03:39]What the [ __ ] No way, right? They actually have a like a little device that beeps when an anti-Scientologist is roaming.

[00:03:50]That's some Metal Gear Solid [ __ ] with the question mark going over their head.

[00:03:55]Holy.

[00:03:57]No, it can't be real.

[00:04:00]They can't.

[00:04:04]I don't do it. It's a cult. That's a cult right there. It's a Scientology.

[00:04:07]IT'S A CULT. DON'T DO IT. DON'T DO IT.

[00:04:14]You know, this is this is a banger.

[00:04:16]Oh, they just kicked him out. How you doing, sir? I'm a suppressive person.

[00:04:20]You might have to go inside now. Come on, inside. Inside.

[00:04:24]Inside. Good boy.

[00:04:25]Good boy. Oh, they they blurred the window. GOOD YOU LOCKED THEM OUT. HEY, Y'ALL ALMOST LOCKED THEM OUT. Good boy.

[00:04:33]Good boy.

[00:04:34]What [laughter] the [ __ ] This is even goofier than I thought.

[00:04:39]What in the hell?

[00:04:42]Scientology stalker. I He took my knife.

[00:04:45]I need Cody on me. But guess what?

[00:04:49]Because of you.

[00:04:51]I did. But what isn't a joke is I did. I did.

[00:04:56]I did nearly kill myself because of the PTSD Look at him. He's crazy. He's talking about Guys, stay away from Can we can you stop talking about killing yourself? Why are you talking ABOUT KILLING YOURSELF?

[00:05:12]WE GOT A CRAZY PERSON COMING THROUGH. We got a crazy person.

[00:05:15]>> Is Is this even Scientology adjacent?

[00:05:18]What the hell just happened there?

[00:05:20]He got PTSD because the phone was near his face?

[00:05:26]The Scientology office?

[00:05:30]What the [ __ ] You know.

[00:05:45]>> [laughter] >> You two, both of you.

[00:05:52]You going to go He's splitting up. He's He's leaving you. He's leaving you.

[00:05:58]Get inside quick. What are you doing out here?

[00:06:01]What are you doing out here? So is that like Scientology protocol when there's someone that's saying it's a it's a scam, it's a cult, they have to just immediately silently leave?

[00:06:12]That's like herding sheep.

[00:06:14]They legit shut down the entire building. They call them suppressive people. What the [ __ ] Where is he going? He's not retreating.

[00:06:33]Oh, yeah, he is.

[00:06:36]>> Such a good boy.

[00:06:39]Good boy, back inside.

[00:06:42]Good boy is going back inside.

[00:06:46]This is so interesting. I didn't know it was like this.

[00:06:50]There's the warning system.

[00:06:56]Remember him? That's you.

[00:06:59]That's you.

[00:07:03]You had a good You looked like you had a good life before this, man.

[00:07:07]You looked like you had a really You looked like you had fun. You're a good-looking guy.

[00:07:12]I know Ukraine is not in the best of places right now.

[00:07:19]The internet, man.

[00:07:22]>> [music] >> I literally think he's going to cry right now. I know he misses his life.

[00:07:32]He's a good-looking guy, right?

[00:07:34]Probably, man. That seems like that was just a normal guy that got [ __ ] roped into the cult. No way out.

[00:07:41]Damn.

[00:07:43]That shit's deep.

[00:07:45]Oh, of course I know about Scientology.

[00:07:47]I just didn't know about this protocol where they have to go insi- go [laughter] inside the second this guy comes around and says, "Loser.

[00:07:56]Scientology bad." Then they have to shut down the whole building and fog the windows. I didn't know that.

[00:08:02]What's the defender video? Oh, man, we got another Scientologist.

[00:08:06]Grinning.

[00:08:08]I can take that phone and break on the [ __ ] concrete. He's big. This is big. He's breaking Scientology programming. You're going to get a spanking. You are going to get a spanking. You can't do that. You need to retreat inside of the shelter ASAP so they can lock it down. This is not protocol.

[00:08:25]He's He's speaking.

[00:08:27]Is that a threat? Is that a threat?

[00:08:32]Is that a threat?

[00:08:34]You know what you made? What you just did there is a criminal threat. That's a criminal threat.

[00:08:38]You go to jail for that. Ah, yeah. Yeah.

[00:08:41]Yeah. Have a good day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:08:44]I'm the criminal. Well, I mean, yeah, if you go ahead and break my or you threaten to break my phone, that's called that's called an assault. It's called the first amendment. I have a right to He's not threatening them from anything I've seen. He just says, "Boo.

[00:08:59]Boo.

[00:09:00]Boo." You can do that. Also, what just happened in this frame here?

[00:09:05]It's like a Snapchat filter is malfunctioning.

[00:09:09]Too bad. It's called the first amendment.

[00:09:11]It's pretty I have the first amendment right to speak out against the cult. If you want to defend a cult, knock yourself out.

[00:09:19]You want to be working on your own life.

[00:09:21]I'm working on Sure you haven't done [ __ ] for yourself, buddy. Look at the band-aid on your face. Go. You couldn't even afford a whole band-aid. You had to do a half of one. Who's first? Just yeah, walk away. Oh, man, we got This guy is not a full Scientologist.

[00:09:36]There's no way.

[00:09:38]He's He's Scien-curious.

[00:09:41]He's not There's no way he's fully indoctrinated. He wouldn't have been speaking. He wouldn't have been allowed to speak.

[00:09:47]They would have already muted his vocal folds.

[00:09:51]Scientologist got bro.

[00:09:53]They got you, bro. They roped you in, bro.

[00:09:57]No, don't worry about it, but I don't see a book, so you didn't sell the book to him. No money. Oh, she's zipping it, huh? Bro, they got you, bro.

[00:10:05]>> she said words.

[00:10:06]They got you, you know.

[00:10:08]Yeah.

[00:10:10]Let me Can I Can I look at the questions?

[00:10:16]Hey, how much did they charge you? See, Oxford Capacities, right? They make it sound like it's part of Oxford University. It's not. It's just Why did they say Scientology Capacity? So, that's their their personality test.

[00:10:26]They use that information against you.

[00:10:28]They told you you need help. And they told you you're going to need Buy the book for $75, get take the seminar for $125, but you need them. This guy knows his [ __ ] they automatically say you need them. Always. It's a standard answer. It's a scam.

[00:10:44]How much money did they get out of you?

[00:10:46]Ah, man, bro.

[00:10:49]They wouldn't let you go, right?

[00:10:51]How long were you in there?

[00:10:53]They got you, bro.

[00:10:54]>> Damn. Well, it looks like he's not going to be a member.

[00:10:59]Wow, this guy he knows his [ __ ] That guy was even saying they wouldn't let me go and they got 20 bucks out of him.

[00:11:07]Saved his life, probably. Well, it seems like even before the the Scientology audit guy started talking to him, it seemed like he wasn't really in it.

[00:11:15]Like he said, they just wouldn't let him go.

[00:11:19]Honestly surprised you've never seen this guy. I I had never even heard of it.

[00:11:25]I just know about the Scientology speed runs that are blowing up right now. I didn't know that there was all a whole auditor forum here.

[00:11:32]His son is a Scientologist himself, so he spends his life doing this all day.

[00:11:36]He hates them. Oh, that's got to be awful.

[00:11:40]Oh, that's sad.

[00:11:42]Is that the actual lore behind this account? Cuz that is very sad, then.

[00:11:46]W fanfic if fake.

[00:11:49]A good lie if you made it up, I suppose.

[00:11:53]Charlie, they stand outside with signs all day that say honk if you hate Scientology and stuff like that. There's group of people that are anti-Scientology and tell people not to go in and get scammed. Hey, that's a good service.

[00:12:06]That's nice.

[00:12:08]Can't say I've seen any of that in Clearwater, which is like their hive.

[00:12:13]No, it's real. Chuck's second most popular video, his son died and the church mocked him for it.

[00:12:19]What the [ __ ] Scientologist mock my slain son.

[00:12:27]Scientology leadership ordered guard to bullbait me.

[00:12:32]Oh, that sounds truly evil.

[00:12:42]YES, MY SON DIED. SEE, THIS IS MY SON died because I'm a bad father.

[00:12:47]>> [snorts] >> IS THAT WHAT RELIGION SO, THE SCIENTOLOGY SECURITY GUARD made up a few lies about my son that I don't appreciate. The first lie is that he claimed my son died in a gang war. And [music] that's false.

[00:13:03]The second claim is that my son died while in a shootout. That's false.

[00:13:09]This is extremely sad. He died while committing criminality.

[00:13:15]That's false.

[00:13:17]And the fourth claim is that my son died because it was my fault for teaching him said criminality, which again is false. So, let's actually look at the facts of the case. Okay, so first off, my son was murdered in June 2021 while he was in the process of moving.

[00:13:39]He was with his girlfriend moving from Inglewood to Signal Hill, Long Beach.

[00:13:44]On the way there, he stopped at a friend's house in Watts.

[00:13:47]When he got out of the car and waited for his friend, three gunmen pulled up, shot at him 40 times, and hit him 17 times. That's just [ __ ] tragic, man. That's that's extremely sad.

[00:14:00]Classic Scientology though, going for the lowest possible blow imaginable.

[00:14:05]Uh I don't want to hear the rest of that. That's just really sad [ __ ] You ever know anyone who's in Scientology?

[00:14:13]No. I don't think you can know someone in Scientology.

[00:14:18]They get [ __ ] stuck in the church and live there and buried there.

[00:14:22]>> [laughter] >> You never see them again.

[00:14:24]I don't think you can actually even really know someone in Scientology.

[00:14:29]Wrong, we know Tom Cruise. True, and Braille Skateboarding.

[00:14:33]But those are higher ranking members, not average people. I think the average person in Scientology is supposed to practice isolation.

[00:14:41]So, like I genuinely don't think you can just be friends with like a Scientologist. They won't let you.

[00:14:48]You can, but eventually they will recruit you or try.

[00:14:52]Well, it's probably once they reach a certain level in the the cult.

[00:14:57]Like I think your basic member is supposed to be like completely isolated from others, so that way they just get fully indoctrinated, suckling from the teat of the the cult.

[00:15:11]Like that Pretty sure that's supposed to be how it works.

[00:15:15]And then as you donate more and climb higher, then you can start like branching out.

[00:15:22]Yeah, I mean, I do hope is Hey, I'm no big fan of TikTok pranksters, but if they want to keep speed running Scientology, I'm all for it.

[00:15:31]This is a This is a good prank.

[00:15:34]I like this.

[00:15:36]There's this trend on TikTok where people are speed [music] running Scientology buildings in Los Angeles trying to see how far they can get before being thrown out. The prank itself seems pretty weird and mostly harmless, but some of the clips actually look really cool, like professional parkour sequences straight out of a video game. So far, every attempt ends the same way with people being quickly escorted out through a side fire exit on the ground floor.

[00:16:01]So, there's Have you heard of the hole that Scientology has? Basically a prison for members. Mhm.

[00:16:07]Not familiar with the hole. I know they have like a like a dungeon or something from what I recall.

[00:16:13]Something to that effect. Is that the hole? Is that what it is?

[00:16:17]No, do speed running into a prison.

[00:16:20]They're not going to jail for running around in the Scientology building. The most they do is get trespassed.

[00:16:27]The hole is a compound where they own a whole street and have a hundred people confined. It's in California and has a Wiki page.

[00:16:34]Damn, private compound near California.

[00:16:37]Dozens of its senior executives have been confined within the building for months or years.

[00:16:43]Holy.

[00:16:45]Like this is all like well-known and just gets allowed to exist, by the way.

[00:16:50]Not only does it get allowed to exist, they get tax exemptions.