Is My Teen Blinded By Love? | FULL EPISODE | Dr. Phil

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]One mom says she's at her breaking point. She can't sleep. She can't hardly eat because she says her smart soccer star captain, perfect daughter is throwing her life away for a frat boy.

[00:00:14]Take a look.

[00:00:20]>> My daughter Sammy is completely blinded by love. Before Sammy met Chris, she was a star. captain of her JV soccer team, National Honor Society. Everything she touched turned to gold. Her license plate was Starirl because that's who she was. Sammy had everything. An Infiniti G35, top-of-the-line cell phone with data plan, $200 a month allowance.

[00:00:44]Everything was paid for her. Gas money, clothing allowance, food, incidentals.

[00:00:50]We built this home specifically for the girls. This house has everything a teenager could want. Pool table, her home theater, popcorn machine, tanning room, and now she's throwing it all away for a boy. I'm head over heels in love with this kid.

[00:01:07]>> She has brought at least four boys home for us to meet. Even though one date wonders, but to this day, we have yet to meet Chris.

[00:01:16]>> I wanted my mom to meet Chris. She had her guard up from day one. She has been seeing him for 9 months. It's >> the first time I've ever been ridiculously happy.

[00:01:27]>> She kept saying, "But he's cheating.

[00:01:28]He's cheating. He's cheating." Her sorority sisters have warned her about Chris. All he's looking to do is sleep around.

[00:01:36]>> He is a huge part of my life and I care about him so much.

[00:01:39]>> And I said, "Well, you need to cut him out of your life because this is an addiction for you and you cannot pick up that bottle one more time."

[00:01:48]>> Wow, that's pretty strong. He's a So she's addicted to this guy.

[00:01:52]>> I believe she is 100% addicted to him.

[00:01:55]>> And you've never met him.

[00:01:56]>> Never met him. Not even once.

[00:01:58]>> What you know is not good. You You don't like the impact he's had?

[00:02:01]>> I do not.

[00:02:02]>> So much so that you said you need to get away from him or I'm going to cut you off. You took away what? You took away her car, an Infiniti G35. You took away her gas money, her car insurance, her phone, which was this was her 15th phone in five years. 15th phone in five years.

[00:02:20]>> You cut off her $200 a month, which was just fun money because you paid all of her expenses, right?

[00:02:25]>> Yeah. She had no expenses. So, she had $200 a month fund money.

[00:02:27]>> Stopped paying her rent. You stopped paying the interest on her loan. So, >> I guess that worked.

[00:02:34]>> No, she's still with him.

[00:02:36]>> So, it didn't work.

[00:02:37]>> It did not work.

[00:02:38]>> What you really want for her to break up with this guy, right? You say, "Okay, I've given her everything. you know, I had a wonderful home and all of these things and money and cars and phones and just everything and now she's not doing what I want.

[00:02:52]Come on.

[00:02:54]And you you took all that stuff away and you said you didn't think it would work.

[00:02:57]So why take it away?

[00:02:59]>> I didn't want to support I didn't want him rolling around a car that I paid for. I didn't want him sleeping in a bed.

[00:03:07]>> I wanted to squeeze her into saying, "Okay, I'm broke. I got nothing. I want all of my stuff back. I'd rather have that than him. And you were surprised that she chose him over her lifestyle.

[00:03:18]True.

[00:03:18]>> I am surprised that she chose him over her education, her sorority, her who she was as a person for 19 years over a boy.

[00:03:28]>> Yeah. But what you took away was the car, the money, the phone, all of that.

[00:03:32]>> Correct. And she took away the emotional part.

[00:03:35]>> Okay. Sammy says mom is the problem and that she is too controlling. So, let's hear what she says from her point of view, and then then we're going to meet her. But let's hear what your daughter says first. Okay.

[00:03:46]>> When I first started dating, my mom was unbelievably controlling. She would tell me what to say to the guy, how to act, how to hug him, how to kiss him. Got to the point where she's more invested in this relationship than I am. It got worse when I was in college. My mom started texting me 24/7. I fell asleep for about half an hour and I woke up to 20ome missed texts, 10 or so missed calls. She had Facebook messaged every single one of the girls I was with. She texted me and was going to call the cops and tell them you're missing. I'm through with being controlled.

[00:04:18]>> What do you think about what she just had to say?

[00:04:20]>> I think that she's jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. But I do agree with some of the things that she said.

[00:04:25]>> What did you think when I said you made this problem? You said yes, I agree.

[00:04:29]Why? What? Why do you agree? I think that I always gave Sammy all the financial things that she's ever wanted and indulged her in that way. And I never really whenever Sammy got in trouble in school, I always kind of took her side and almost fought against any punishment. I never let her pay the price for anything.

[00:04:54]>> Yeah. So, you've always picked her up.

[00:04:56]>> I've always picked her up.

[00:04:57]>> Yeah. Now, would you be surprised if I told if if what you want is for her because you think he's a bad guy right now. Maybe he's not. You're g you're going to find out, but you think right now you think he's a bad guy. And so, nothing would make you happier for her to say, "Okay, done with that. Let's get back to school. Let's get this. Let's get that. Let's get on with my life.

[00:05:14]I've come to my senses." That that'd be a home run, wouldn't it?

[00:05:20]>> Well, I'd like her to be independent.

[00:05:21]Yes.

[00:05:21]>> Oh, come on, lady. Look, there's no point in us Listen, seriously. I'm going to just move on and talk to somebody else if you're not willing to get real.

[00:05:30]You're You are not being honest with me.

[00:05:33]You want him gone and you want her back in the script you wrote for her life.

[00:05:39]True.

[00:05:39]>> I want him gone. But I didn't write the script for her life.

[00:05:43]>> Really?

[00:05:44]>> No, I did not. I did not write it.

[00:05:48]Whatever school you want to go to, you can go to it. I never chose When she wanted to quit soccer, I said, "Okay, quit soccer." I never told her what she had to major in. Never had to do Never told her any of that.

[00:06:00]>> Oh, so you've just let her do what she wants to do. So why not let her do it now?

[00:06:11]>> You let her quit school, change jobs, do that. Why not let her pick her boyfriends?

[00:06:16]>> Because this guy is very distracting.

[00:06:17]>> But did you tell her when she was breaking up with a high school boyfriend that if you break up with him, I will cut you off? You won't date till you're 18. I will take away your phone.

[00:06:27]>> No, >> you didn't say that. Did you get on when she was on the phone with her boyfriends in high school? Would you tell her what to say?

[00:06:34]>> No. She would ask me what to say.

[00:06:36]>> She tells a very different story than this. So, one of you and shooting me straight and I can't fix what isn't real. I I want I want to help you here.

[00:06:43]Would it surprise you if I told you that I thought you couldn't be ensuring that she's going to stay with him anymore than if you were chasing her down the street with a stick?

[00:06:55]>> No, that would not surprise me >> cuz you she he's winning by default.

[00:06:59]This is a rollover. What you're doing insurers I do not ask why she's with him. I ask why not. So, if I were you, I'd be leaning forward saying, "Okay, there, Baldi. Tell me what you need to you need to tell me what I need to stop doing because I do not want to chase her into his arms." Well, I've been here with Dena talking about Sammy, who's now here. Sammy, you guys haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks, right?

[00:07:21]>> Right.

[00:07:22]>> Well, your mom says that you've lived a pretty charmed life.

[00:07:25]>> Yeah.

[00:07:26]>> She says you've just had everything that you've wanted. a wonderful home, pool table, tanning bed, swimming pool, cars, phones, money, just everything that you could possibly want and that you've thrown it all away for some hairy-legged old boy.

[00:07:44]Uh, would that be true?

[00:07:46]>> Um, I wouldn't say it was like for a boy. I mean, it wasn't like it was a combination of a lot of things.

[00:07:51]>> What would be What else would be on the list?

[00:07:54]just a lot of like issues like controlling issues.

[00:07:58]>> Well, but she says that she hasn't been controlling that you've had you've lived your own life, your own script, done everything you wanted to do, the way you wanted to do it. She says she's not controlling at all.

[00:08:07]>> I disagree with that.

[00:08:09]>> You think she's controlling?

[00:08:10]>> Yeah.

[00:08:11]>> In what way?

[00:08:12]>> Especially with boyfriends, like when I was like away at school, like it would always be constantly texting or calling or having to know like where I was 24 hours a day. Like I like had to know who I was with, like where I was, what I was doing. Like I one instant fell asleep at one of my friends's apartment like on their couch for literally like 45 minutes. Like if that I woke up to like a bunch of missed calls, missed texts.

[00:08:37]Like >> you you said you woke up from a nap to 36 text messages and 16 missed calls.

[00:08:44]>> It was something ridiculous. I was with my friends and she sent a Facebook message to all the friends I was with that like was like, "Where's Sammy?" me like I'm worried about her. Like she's missing like where is she? Like where is she at? Like I'm pretty sure some of them still have the messages.

[00:08:56]>> How long had you been missing?

[00:08:58]>> Literally half an hour, 45 minutes.

[00:09:00]>> So at 45 minutes she becomes missing.

[00:09:03]>> No.

[00:09:03]>> We talking milk carton missing or >> No. No. No. That's not exactly what what had happened is that one thing that I've always asked Sammy and Alex is once they got to where their destination was to please text me and just say I'm safe.

[00:09:17]She knew where I was and I fell asleep and like literally just fell asleep and she knew everyone who I was with because she messaged every single one of them on Facebook.

[00:09:24]>> Sammy, when I when I have my phone, when I get into the shower and I don't respond to you for 10 minutes, what do you text me back?

[00:09:33]>> Yeah, I text you if you're there. That's usually >> Are you there? Are you there?

[00:09:39]Over and over and over again. I can't get in the shower.

[00:09:41]>> Listen, are you bringing Is this in your defense? No, I think that both of us I think that we both I can honestly say I think that we both had both had a very codependent relationship.

[00:09:52]>> But you're the mother. I think it went both ways.

[00:09:54]>> You're the one that raised her. You wrote on the slate of who she was. You call the tune for this dance. Are you kidding me? You offer in your defense that you have raised her to the point that she freaks if you're in the shower too long. That's a good thing. That's on your pro list.

[00:10:11]>> No.

[00:10:12]>> See, I think you missed a meeting.

[00:10:15]Because there was a point at which you stop being someone that could dictate what happens with your with your children to becoming an influencer that maybe can influence a young adult because you can't tell her what to do anymore. You can't bribe her into doing what you want her to do. You can't coersse her into doing what you want her to do. So, what you're doing is saying, "Okay, I tell you what I'm going to do.

[00:10:46]I'm going to cut you off. I'm going to cut your car. Going to cut your money.

[00:10:49]Going to cut your insurance. Going to cut the payments I'm making for you. You can lose my phone number." Is what you said. Lose my phone number. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Do So, when that's true, here she stands. She's got the boy over here and you and the family over here. That cuts her off completely.

[00:11:08]Says, "All right, you are out.

[00:11:12]Where do you think she's going to go?

[00:11:16]That's what I said. You couldn't drive her to him more if you chased her with a stick to his front door and shoved her in. And I don't know if he's a good egg or a bad egg. I mean, I I don't know. Do you know? Do you think this is a good guy?

[00:11:29]>> Yeah, he's a good guy.

[00:11:30]>> Really? You were making a 4.0 in college, right?

[00:11:33]>> Right.

[00:11:34]>> And then you started hanging with him.

[00:11:36]>> It wasn't a >> She says that you went from a 4.0 to a 2.1. Sort of. Kind of. maybe a actually then quit school and now we're going to go to an online junior college.

[00:11:48]>> I haven't like quit school and I haven't like fully decided what I'm doing next year. It's still kind of like in the process. It just honestly just figuring out moneywise and loan wise and everything like that right now. But it wasn't just like I feel like she's picking out like the one thing that like she knows like I mean yeah I did mean around the time that I >> Well, that's a pretty big one thing.

[00:12:06]>> Yeah. But it was more like I I had joined a sorority at the same time. I was involved in extracurriculars other you know outside you know I was working >> but you skip classes to hang with him right >> yeah sometimes >> come on you we might as well be honest I can't make you do anything you can tell me to go jump in the lake >> right >> but the truth is that you you kind of got infatuated and you've been hanging with him well Dena says that Sammy has introduced her to boys that she's dated in the past but she's never met Chris never met him that is until today Chris says Dena has nothing to worry about because he's taken good care of Sammy.

[00:12:42]Take a look.

[00:12:44]>> When Sammy's parents completely cut her off, she had nowhere to go and I took her in and took care of her. Sammy and I started really getting serious. Out of 10, Sammy and I are a 10 and being connected with each other. Our intimate lives pretty awesome. We both like the same things and I love her.

[00:13:02]>> I love you, too. I would like for Sammy's mom to know that I'm treating her daughter well. She has nothing to worry about.

[00:13:11]>> I definitely see a future with Chris.

[00:13:13]We'll be looking at pictures and we'll say like, "Oh, that's our house when we get older." We always make jokes about how we make the cutest babies ever. He's a really kind and caring person. It's the first time I've ever felt safe and secure in a relationship. He's just perfect.

[00:13:29]>> Well, Sammy says she is in love with Chris. big time, head over heels in love for the first time. But mom Dena says he's bad news. Although she's never really met him, that is until now. So, are you ready to meet him, Mr. Wonderful?

[00:13:47]>> Chris, come on out.

[00:13:50]>> Hi.

[00:13:51]>> How you doing, man?

[00:13:51]>> Nice to meet you.

[00:13:52]>> How's it going? Good to meet you. Have a seat.

[00:13:55]>> Uh, let me introduce you to Sammy's mother, uh, Dena.

[00:13:59]>> Nice to meet you.

[00:14:00]>> Want to stand and say hello?

[00:14:04]helping me here.

[00:14:11]>> That was a test.

[00:14:15]Um, so what what anything you want to ask him, say to him?

[00:14:22]>> I don't I don't know you.

[00:14:24]I've never met you.

[00:14:26]Um, you're the only boy that Sammy has not brought home, including the one date wonders. But the way that Sammy presented you to me was on a garbage can lid.

[00:14:40]She did not say a single nice thing about you in six months.

[00:14:44]>> Is there some reason that you haven't made an effort to meet her her parents and talk to them and say, "Hey, listen.

[00:14:54]I want to meet you. I'm I'm dating your daughter.

[00:14:57]>> It's not that I haven't made an effort to meet them. It's been almost like she's scared for me to meet them.

[00:15:07]Just from what I've seen and all the controlling, all the texts, all the threats that if she'll text her, text Sammy, and say like, "If you're talking to him again, we're going to cut you off." and all this. So, it was better just for I guess me not to get involved.

[00:15:30]And >> well, but really, how's that working for you?

[00:15:33]>> It's still >> Here's a clue. You're on the Dr. Phil show.

[00:15:38]Um, >> did you send her a text on her phone with the word in it?

[00:15:50]>> No. Who did? I've never text her mom or dad. Who wrote that text?

[00:15:55]>> No.

[00:15:56]>> You know the text I'm talking about?

[00:15:57]>> I don't know the text.

[00:15:58]>> I've got my car back.

[00:16:02]Do you know about that?

[00:16:03]>> No.

[00:16:03]>> You don't know about that?

[00:16:05]>> What? What did you say? What did you get and when did you get it?

[00:16:07]>> I texted her and I asked her where she was and she said she was at the library and I said, "Do you have a way to get back home safe?" Because again, it was always the safety thing. So about 11 little after 11 at night and the text read, "I've got my car a couple spaces shown to Sammy and the tagline was exclamation point."

[00:16:34]>> And I definitely saw that text message, too. And >> go ahead. This is This is little sister Alex. Go ahead.

[00:16:39]>> Um she initially thought that the text was from Sammy and I asked Sammy about it cuz it didn't seem like something that she would do. And she said no, it was from Chrissy took my phone and I didn't know whether it was a joke. I don't know what it was, but it definitely was there. And I definitely did confront Sammy about it.

[00:16:54]>> And I actually asked Sammy about this two weeks ago, and Sammy said, "Oh, um um I think that would have that something that was like a spell thing."

[00:17:02]I said, "Sammy, I already know the story." And she said, "Okay, Mom. I'm sorry. Chris doesn't like if someone doesn't like him, then he's going to let someone know that he doesn't like them either." And those were the exact words.

[00:17:16]>> I never said that. I never said that.

[00:17:18]What did you say?

[00:17:19]>> And that's not even me.

[00:17:20]>> Like I all I told her I was like, "No, like it was it has to be a spelling thing." Because for one, I would never like he never takes my phone to begin with. Like, >> you know what? I'm not asking for your affirmation on this one cuz I know, you know, you know, and she knows the truth.

[00:17:35]And that is the absolute truth. That text message.

[00:17:38]>> Tell the truth. I mean, come on. We all make bad decisions.

[00:17:40]>> It would have been a spoof the moment thing. It was it was an angry moment.

[00:17:43]Why would I take her phone and just randomly add in one word just >> cuz I can't.

[00:17:48]>> Did Sammy tell you that it was Chris?

[00:17:51]>> Yes. I asked her about the situation because it didn't seem like something Sammy would say to my mom just cuz it's not her personality. And she said that he did take her phone. I mean, I didn't know. I didn't know whether it's from malicious intent or anything, but I don't, you know, I did see the text message and she did say that Chris was on that Senate. I don't know whether it was a defense thing. I don't know, you know, what happened. And I wasn't there.

[00:18:13]>> Did you send it?

[00:18:14]>> No.

[00:18:14]>> Did he send it?

[00:18:15]>> I don't know.

[00:18:16]>> I never have her phone.

[00:18:17]>> He never.

[00:18:18]>> But did you tell your sister he had your phone?

[00:18:20]>> Yeah. Like he never takes my phone. Like that's the thing. It's >> What he did that time?

[00:18:25]>> I don't know. Like >> you told your sister he did?

[00:18:27]>> I was probably just like covering it up either. Like I misspelled it and was just like didn't remember like what I told like >> what were you trying to spell?

[00:18:34]>> I don't know.

[00:18:36]>> That's the thing is I have no idea. Alex said, "Did did Sammy send you a text that said,"I have my car." And then a couple space and then at the bottom saying, "Who?" And I said, "Yes. How'd you know that?" And she said, "Chris sent it." And he typed in, "I have my car." Turned it to Sammy so that he she could see that this is what I'm sending to your mom. And what she didn't see was at the what was at the bottom that it said the word And she even acknowledged it. She acknowledged it.

[00:19:05]She's She's acknowledged it several times.

[00:19:07]>> What do you mean spelling thing? Because I mean I I type like a chimpanzee and it does it does autocorrect and never in all these years has it corrected it something to >> Well, like it's like >> I don't I don't know. Give me something.

[00:19:28]>> If if I go to work in the morning >> something, please. If I go to work in the morning and the couch cushions are fine and I come home and they're all ripped up and the dog has feathers in his mouth >> and there's nobody been there all day but the dog I can assume the dog chewed the cushion. Right.

[00:19:42]>> Right.

[00:19:43]>> Okay. So he takes your phone at the time this was sent.

[00:19:48]You didn't write that. You got it. She saw it. Then wouldn't you have to assume he wrote it?

[00:19:55]>> Yeah.

[00:19:57]>> But you didn't write it. No, I didn't hide that out.

[00:20:00]>> Did somebody take her phone from you?

[00:20:02]>> No.

[00:20:04]>> And sounds like everyone believes me about it.

[00:20:07]>> Well, you do have feathers in your mouth.

[00:20:09]>> Yeah. This is Sammy's closet.

[00:20:14]And this is the most difficult part of the house for me to be in because as soon as I open these doors, I just smell her.

[00:20:28]It makes me sad looking at this stuff because this is the only time I get to touch her. And so it's very difficult. She's willing to give up all of this, but more importantly, she's willing to give up me and her family.

[00:20:52]Well, Sammy's mother, Dena, met her daughter's boyfriend for the first time just a few minutes ago. Now, when Dena first saw Sammy after their six-w weekek break, something all over her her daughter's body alarmed her.

[00:21:09]>> She has this beautiful brown skin. When I saw her last, she was completely bruised on her chest, kind of down her arm. Chris gets rough during sex and he bites all those bruises all over that beautiful skin.

[00:21:27]That beautiful girl.

[00:21:31]Oh my god. Who would do that to my child?

[00:21:36]She told me they were bite marks.

[00:21:39]I don't care how he put them on her. I don't care how he hurt my child.

[00:21:48]And that's not okay with me.

[00:21:52]It's not okay with me.

[00:21:56]>> Does she have reason to be concerned?

[00:21:59]>> No, not at all. Anything that was on my body is not unwarranted. It has never been Chris has never hit me. Never done anything of this sort. Has never pushed me. Never laid a hand on me in any way, shape, or form. Like anything that was on there is something that was like I like I like it or I like I didn't like not want it there.

[00:22:19]>> Like it wasn't anything that I thought was you know unusual.

[00:22:24]>> Have you ever been abusive with her at all?

[00:22:26]>> Never.

[00:22:27]>> Do you have a temper that her parents should be concerned about?

[00:22:31]>> No, not at all. I'm most easytempered person I even out of all my friends. You could ask any of my friends that I'm usually the one calming any situation down.

[00:22:45]>> Mhm.

[00:22:46]>> Not the other way.

[00:22:47]>> Have you told your sister that he has a temper?

[00:22:49]>> I like we get in fights just like any couple does. I mean, we we fight, we get, you know, we yell, we scream. Like, it's not anything unusual. She's my best friend. Like, obviously, I'm going to tell her about the fights we get into.

[00:23:02]>> Mhm. But the thing that concerns me the most is that because you're my best friend and because you're my sister, when you tell me that the fights are intolerable, that's what concerns me the most is your safety. And when you tell me that they're intolerable or you call me on the phone and you tell me those things, it's obviously going to be something that is upsetting to me.

[00:23:20]>> If anything becomes like intolerable, it's just because like when him and I fight like and he can agree with me, like we will like argue and then we need our space. Like we both like he needs to go to room, I need to go someplace. we need to just like, you know, calm it down for a second, then we like regroup.

[00:23:35]So, it's like intolerable. I was living in the same apartment as him. Like, >> you called your dad once to pick you up cuz you said you didn't feel safe.

[00:23:42]>> I never said I didn't feel safe. It was, you know, you he was there. We were arguing. I was like, you know what? We need we need space. It was a bad It was a really bad argument.

[00:23:51]>> You all serious about each other?

[00:23:53]>> Yeah.

[00:23:54]>> Yeah.

[00:23:58]>> You've answered quicker than you did. Is that a guy thing or you I mean are you serious about her? Is this something that you can see going long term?

[00:24:06]>> Yeah.

[00:24:08]>> Well, I'm here with Dena, Sammy, and Chris. Little sister Alex is here uh in the audience. The problem here in your view is that what you do know about him, you've gotten all negative information.

[00:24:22]>> Correct. And as a result, you fear for her relationship with him. And you see her making some decisions where her performance in life has diminished greatly. Like college has kind of gone by the wayside. Her grades have tanked.

[00:24:38]>> She's now not in college.

[00:24:40]>> And it's talking about going to an online junior college, right?

[00:24:43]>> Community college.

[00:24:44]>> She can't afford the other one since they cut her off completely.

[00:24:47]>> You had already started that process.

[00:24:50]you had already started the cutting off process before any of this even happened. If you would have come to me and really told me what it was about Chris that you really wanted, I would have given him a chance.

[00:25:00]>> But here's the thing is you never gave that opportunity because from day one you had your guard up and you were straight up like I'm going to cut you off if you even talked to him again. If I even hear you've been around the same apartment complex as him, >> that's because you got you got to a point where you were suicidal, Sammy.

[00:25:13]>> No, I wasn't. No, I was not.

[00:25:14]>> I have a text I have a text message in my cell phone that says you wanted to run your car into a tree. Um, no I didn't. I have no idea what you're talking about.

[00:25:20]>> It's locked in my phone.

[00:25:22]>> I never was suicidal and I never >> ever threatened. And let me tell you something. As a parent, when you threaten to harm yourself and to kill yourself, I don't take it as a threat. I have got to follow through because I am worried.

[00:25:34]>> Okay. Did she send you a text message saying she was going to run a car into a tree?

[00:25:38]>> Yes, she did. I believe the the text message that said she's running her car into a tree should be still on my phone.

[00:25:43]>> Okay, we'll bring you your phone. Um, have have you cheated on her?

[00:25:48]No, not since we legitimately started dating, which was three months ago.

[00:25:55]>> And the and the time beforehand, we weren't dating. We weren't in a relationship. And I was talking to other girls and she was talking to other guys.

[00:26:05]>> We weren't completely serious in a settled down relationship yet >> until three months ago.

[00:26:10]>> If you because here's look, Chris, look, I've got two boys. I'm trying and in fact am giving you the every benefit of the doubt. I think one of the things is all she's ever heard is negatives about you and I and I don't think you're all negative. I don't think that at all. If you care about her, >> which is true, >> you would be supporting her in everything she do. You would be saying, "Look, you need to get along with your mother. You need to get along with your father. If I need to go over and introduce myself, I'll do it." If you were a responsible influence in her life, you would be supporting her having a relationship with her family. You would not be saying, you would not be saying, "I don't care about them. They're not going to influence our relationship. I don't give I don't care about them." The mature thing to do, I'm telling you, the mature thing to do is if you want her happy, she would be better off if she was in a healthy relationship with her mother.

[00:27:04]>> That's what I want. Now, if they've got problems, that's between the two of them. But that relationship long predated you. I suspect it will long outdate you because the chance that you two are the one for each other at this age is probably one in a thousand.

[00:27:19]You're probably going to date for a while. It's probably going to be good.

[00:27:22]You're going to have fun. Then you're going to move on in different ways.

[00:27:25]You're too young to know anything about a committed relationship. You're too young to think about getting married.

[00:27:30]You're too young to even know what's involved. So, you're probably going to date a while and move on. Okay. So, you want to leave in your wake something positive, which is that you support her in her life goals and in her relationship with her family.

[00:27:44]>> That's what I'm doing. I'm >> I'm the reason she gets to work at >> I'm the only reason she's gotten to work. She had a place to live once they kicked her out. I've been helping her get her stuff together for school.

[00:27:56]>> But they kicked her out because of you.

[00:27:58]And you probably could have walked over there and said, "Let me introduce myself. I don't know how we got off on a bad foot here, but I really care about your daughter. I I support you and the things that you want for her, and I I I want to man up and introduce myself.

[00:28:10]>> Well, that's not true. They kicked her out because she wanted to get an apartment the next year.

[00:28:14]>> We We never kicked her out. Let's be very clear. We never kicked her out.

[00:28:17]>> I'm not talking about kicking her out.

[00:28:18]I'm talking about cutting her off because this relationship, we cut her off financially.

[00:28:23]>> Can I finish?

[00:28:25]>> I mean, >> certainly. I was there that entire night and saw you guys show up and take Alex from campus and take her car away. That whole night she was crying because you guys had gotten in a fight that day about the apartment she wanted to get next year.

[00:28:44]>> She didn't want to live at home and you guys wanted her to live at home.

[00:28:47]>> No, she wanted to move in two months early.

[00:28:52]>> Did you find the text message? I found the one that said that she wanted to just run away and keep going.

[00:28:59]>> Exactly. Because the running one never happened.

[00:29:02]>> You told me that. S >> No, I didn't.

[00:29:04]>> Okay.

[00:29:04]>> Okay. If there's no text to prove it, then it does like it didn't happen cuz I don't remember sending it. I don't remember when I even, >> you know.

[00:29:10]>> This is the text that she sent me. It does not say running into a tree, but it does say that she wanted to run away.

[00:29:15]And then there's another one that's right before that was from her sorority sister that talks about how she wants Sammy to stay away from the bad boys and finally be with a good guy. That's exactly what it said.

[00:29:25]>> Do you think you should support this relationship? Because you seem to be a sticking point in it.

[00:29:30]>> If they can figure out the a way to get along, then they need to have a good relationship because they're still family.

[00:29:36]>> But you you need to support that, right?

[00:29:38]>> I will.

[00:29:38]>> Have you made all the good Have you made always made good decisions in your relationship with her?

[00:29:42]>> Have you always made good decisions? I can't say I've been the perfect person the entire time.

[00:29:46]>> Yeah. You know he has some criminal background, right?

[00:29:50]>> Yeah.

[00:29:50]>> And you've acknowledged that, correct?

[00:29:53]>> And what what was your criminal activity?

[00:29:56]>> Um I've gotten OVI, which is same thing as a DUI.

[00:30:00]>> Uhhuh. For driving. What else?

[00:30:02]>> And then unauthorized use of property.

[00:30:05]>> And you recognize those are bad decisions, right?

[00:30:09]>> Yes.

[00:30:10]The older you get, which is now, once you hit 18, you need to understand that the choices you make are on you, not on her. And you know, you can either say, "Well, I'm obsessively in love with this guy, and so that's all I care about." And you can alienate your family. You can you can ruin college and, you know, five years from now, you can be waiting tables on the night shift at a 24-hour restaurant somewhere.

[00:30:38]Or you can keep your feet moving in the right direction. You can get yourself educated, get yourself a career, have a life that you deserve and enjoy. And if he supports that, then he should be allowed to be in your life. If he doesn't, he shouldn't.

[00:30:53]And you are not doing what you need to do if you haven't reached out to these people and met them and put yourself out there and said, "Don't you don't have to wonder about me cuz I'm here." Unless you've got something that you're hiding, and I don't think you do.

[00:31:07]>> I have nothing to hide.

[00:31:08]>> I don't think you do. I think you just need to look them in the eye and and meet them and sit down with them and have a conversation.

[00:31:15]>> And this stuff about you saying you're cutting her off of this and that and the other. I mean, okay, you can do that.

[00:31:20]But what you need to understand is her currency has changed.

[00:31:23]>> Correct?

[00:31:23]>> That used to be her currency. She wanted 15 phones in five years. She wanted this. She wanted that. She wanted the other. But her currency has changed.

[00:31:31]She's now in love. Her currency is now sitting next to her.

[00:31:36]>> Right?

[00:31:37]>> That's what's important to her. So if it comes down to, okay, do I want this or that? Yeah, I'll give that up and do this. I mean, that's the natural progression. You need to make an effort to give the guy a chance. Give the guy a chance. He He's here. You give him credit for being here for God's sakes.

[00:31:53]>> I do. I do give him credit.

[00:31:54]>> I mean, he's here at the Dr. Phil show.

[00:31:56]>> That was really the first thumbs up I had gotten.

[00:31:59]>> But he's here. That's good faith effort on your part. Seriously, you have a responsibility in this relationship as well. I mean, you don't want to act like a brat. You want to talk to your mother and quit. You know, you don't like what I do. Just hell with you. that that's all fine and good, but these people, there's nobody on the globe that wants more and better for you than this woman, your father, and that girl down there. Nobody wants more.

[00:32:34]There's someone in my audience who says she can relate to parts of this story.

[00:32:39]Let's take a look back at when she was on my stage last time.

[00:32:45]>> Dr. Phil, I have a crazy ex-boyfriend who will not leave me alone. Aaron's abuse started with just screaming.

[00:32:53]Before I knew it, it was pushing and choking. Aaron would choke me and laugh because he could see the fear in me. He texted me, "If I can't have you, nobody else can." I'm afraid that Aaron could kill my daughter.

[00:33:06]>> You're now not sleeping at night.

[00:33:08]>> I don't sleep at night. I don't do any school activities. I don't go to the mall. I do not go outside my house unless I'm with my mom.

[00:33:17]>> Has he threatened your life?

[00:33:19]>> During arguments, he's told me, "You make me so mad. I I just want to kill you." And >> you've hid this from your mother. Why?

[00:33:25]>> I felt like it would disappoint him.

[00:33:27]>> This is not okay. The one of the major tools of an abuser is isolation. And by putting his hands on you and anger and violence is not okay. Do you want to see him? Do you want to talk to him?

[00:33:42]I'm going to do it because this is part of what I need to get my power back that I gave her.

[00:33:48]>> We've been discussing you, Aaron. She says that during the relationship that you were physically abusive with her.

[00:33:54]>> That's not true.

[00:33:56]>> She says that you choked her to the point that she was afraid that you were going to kill her.

[00:34:02]>> That's not true.

[00:34:06]I cannot believe that you're going to sit up there and lie to everybody about you not putting your hands on me. You have done nothing but take me from being the normal teenage girl that I wanted to be to being scared for my life. Aaron, I'm here to tell you today I'm putting my foot down. I'm getting a restraining order and I never want to hear from you again. You've done nothing but cause me and my mother pain and it's over.

[00:34:40]>> Now, if you were in this, by the way, is Samantha right here. Say hi. If if you were in that situation, would that be wrong?

[00:34:50]>> Yeah.

[00:34:51]>> Is she right to be concerned?

[00:34:53]>> So, there's a there's a barrier. There's a threshold. You recognize when something gets unhealthy, right? and you're saying that is not the case between the two of you because I I want your mother to to know this and hear this. That's why they need to get to know you.

[00:35:06]>> Samantha, what do you want to say?

[00:35:08]>> Um, >> it's good to see you, by the way.

[00:35:10]>> You, too. Since the show and I had left Aaron, I've gotten my license. I'm looking into colleges. I want to go into criminal justice. Um, I'm going to be a prosecutor. Um, I got all my friends back. Me and my mom are closer than we've ever been. and I talked to all the family and everything. And Sammy, I'm here to tell you that one of the main reasons me and Aaron started out just like you guys. I isolated myself from family members. Me and my mom fought like crazy. Aaron never wanted to hang out with my family. I definitely did whatever I could to keep us from fighting because when we did fight, stuff did happen. And it did start with him just shoving me. It moved to choking. He choked me and I still stayed with him after that. And as long as it goes with this he's the cute guy and everything. I know what it's like to just date a guy for status and it's not worth it. Look at everything you've given up for this. If he's not coming with your family, then what what do you guys have for each other? I sat here and you remind me exactly of me and Aaron about four months when we started dating. You guys sitting up there are me and Aaron to the tea. You know what ended up happening? I ended up right back here telling Dr. Phil that I was scared for my life. I don't want that for you. You can do so much with yourself. Don't throw it away for a boy or you could be like me.

[00:36:50]And to this day, Aaron denies that he choked you. So he denies a lot of those things. So in fairness to him, that's your version. He has another. Uh do you hear what she's saying?

[00:37:02]>> Yeah.

[00:37:03]>> And you guys have a chance to define your relationship in a healthy way or an unhealthy way. And you need to be honest with yourself about what's going on, good, bad, and indifferent.

[00:37:17]You you do need to have a dialogue with your number one advocate in this world.

[00:37:23]You need to really recognize that part of the maturity of being in a relationship is you do need to respect her parents. You don't want to disrespect them by exclusion or by isolating her in any way. Because I'm telling you, any relationship where you stop being all of who you are in order to be half of a couple, the price is too high. You got to be who you are and you got to let him be who he is.

[00:37:51]And you got to let her be who she is to you. Do you have a story or a question for me? Click the link in the description and tell me what in the world is going on.