The Biggest Sign Someone Is Secretly Insecure | Evy Poumpouras

Added: 2026-05-24

[00:00:00]If you're around insecure people, it it bleeds on you. You need because you're insecure. You need cuz your ego is taking charge. If you're so insecure that you're terrified you're going to make the wrong decision. Why? You make a mistake, own it. You make mistake, fix it. Nobody wants to hear it. You have to be okay with messing up. You make yourself more insecure. And you hit your own confidence when you do that when you blame other people. Don't ever do that.

[00:00:21]Your stock's going to go from here to here. Stop overanalyzing. Just be you.

[00:00:26]Just do. Truly powerful people don't need to flex in any way. They just know what they are.

[00:00:33]Authority doesn't mean I'm the boss. I'm in charge. Nobody gives a Just you. And usually people who have that vibe are super insecure. They need you to know that they're in charge because they need you to know they're in charge.

[00:00:44]When I began doing interviews, I was schooled by all the different examiners.

[00:00:49]And one of them said, "Don't ever walk into a room and tell somebody, I'm in charge. I'm the boss. I'm the special agent." Don't ever do that. your stock's going to go from here to here. The fact that you have to actually tell somebody, "Hey, I'm in charge." You just lost.

[00:01:00]They know you're in charge. So, if they're pushing back on you, that means something in what you're showing isn't working. So, you have to show strength.

[00:01:08]That's the word. I think power is the wrong word because power means I need this thing. I need to feel validated. I need and you need because you're insecure. You need cuz your ego is taking charge. If you need to feel power, that's a conversation you have to have internally. And why do you need that? I'm not saying that people don't go into this business, into this line of work doing that. Sometimes we would internally joke like if we'd have like an outlier come through and we're like, "Dude, how did that guy get in?" We would joke. I'm like, "That guy had his lunch money stolen way too many times when he was a kid and now he's here to show everybody he's in charge or she."

[00:01:39]If we go to social media or internet, everyone's a cowboy behind a computer.

[00:01:43]Everybody's got something to say. But in the street, it's like, "Come say to my face. No thank you." Those are two different spaces. And what the internet has done, it's given cowards a platform.

[00:01:53]It's given people that would never say anything to your face the ability to say something to you. And they're cruel because a lot of the folks that write stuff are insecure. They're dissatisfied. Whenever I read comments, my first thought is, "What's going on in this person's life that they have to write something like that?" And so that's why there's so much noise and chatter. Everybody thinks like heroism is loud and courage is in your face and I'm going to write you this tweet and I'm going to tell everybody how strong I am. It's like it's silent. It's quiet.

[00:02:20]Truly powerful people don't need to flex in any way. They just know what they are. They flex only when they need to.

[00:02:26]Bold manner and bold action are not the same thing. Bold manner is my mannerisms. I'm in your face. I'm this.

[00:02:32]I'm that. I'm trying to show everybody I'm strong. But taking bold action in a moment when you need to, that's different. Cuz I can be a quiet person and a silent person. But when the moment for me to step up or take action, I take it. But people confuse those things. I must show everybody. It's like why?

[00:02:48]Again, that goes back to I need validation. I'm insecure. I need people to say, "Wow, you're Why do I need that?" Stop overanalyzing. Just be you.

[00:02:57]Just do things that I notice traits amongst confident people or steady people. They have a good circle around them, meaning they're very aware and meticulous of who's around them and who they associate with. If you're around insecure people, it it bleeds on you.

[00:03:09]Like, you're going to absorb what other people are. You know, if you're the most confident person in the room, it's probably not a good thing. You want to be around people you learn from. It can't just be you're at the top and everybody's looking to you. Your bathtub's going to crack. Number one.

[00:03:21]The other thing I've learned about confidence. Research shows people in law enforcement are perceived to be highly confident because they're decision makers. You make decisions on the spot everyday life and death decisions. And there's nobody to turn around to be like, "Hey, can I ask you your opinion on this? What do you think I should do with this guy wielding this knife?

[00:03:37]Should I shoot? Should I not? Should I pull out the pepper spray? I mean, what would you do in this moment? You'd be dead." So when you're used to making decisions, whether right or wrong, and believing in yourself and trusting in yourself that you're making the best decision you can with the information you have at that moment, that builds confidence. Be a decision maker.

[00:03:53]Confident people are okay with not knowing all the information. It doesn't have to be 100% right because we're so scared of making the wrong decision. And unless you're the president of the United States or you're in law enforcement and you may shoot the wrong human being, which I get, but overall, most decisions, not life or death. make a decision and then feel okay with it being wrong. If you're so insecure that you're terrified you're going to make the wrong decision. Why? Cuz you're going to look dumb. You're going to feel dumb. Confidence, you don't care how you look or how you you're not sit and you're not quantifying he's going to think I'm done. She's going to think I look stupid. They're going to think this. And even for yourself, like you don't tally that. You're okay with making the wrong decision. It's like I'm going to make my choice. I hope it's the right one. I did the best I could, but I'm comfortable with that. But if you're so worried about it's the wrong decision, then don't make one. That in and of itself, confident people don't do that. What a lot of people do is we'll blame other people because we think we're protecting ourselves. I'm going to blame this person because I don't want it on me. But what you don't realize is in the long term, you do damage to yourself because that becomes your default. And now nothing is your fault and everything is everybody else's fault. And then nothing's going to work out for you and you give your power away. When I blame other people, I do the exact same thing. And I came from an agency where they're like, they don't want to hear excuses. Own your You make a mistake, own it. You make mistake, fix it. Nobody wants to hear it. Find out what it is. Fix what it is.

[00:05:09]And then that way you can move forward and excel. You make yourself more insecure. And you hit your own confidence when you do that when you blame other people. Because you're saying, "All these people have control over me. I have no control over my fate or what happens. I'm the captain of my ship. So, I'm going to steer the direction it goes. And if a wave comes and it knocks me over, then I'm going to fix my ship and steer another way."

[00:05:28]Power and strength first, it lives in the mind. I really didn't want to fight everybody when I was younger and I wanted to express my opinion and force my opinion down other people's throats.

[00:05:36]And I'm like, why am I doing that? One, ego. Your ego runs a muck. And then two, insecurity. Especially when you're younger, you're trying to figure yourself out. So, you don't know who the hell you are. Being grounded in yourself. I really think it's like just about pausing and not letting yourself kind of like run wild. I had people get in my face. I had to deal with things.

[00:05:54]But the more adversity you deal with, the more resilient you become. When you don't deal with adversity, when you avoid conflict, you don't know what to do when real conflict shows up.

[00:06:03]Repetition and creating habits that are healthy so that when things happen, you default to those habits. And you pull out that version of you. So, I have that version of me that's the stand your ground version. When you speak, it's how you say it, not what you say. You also want to give people time to absorb what you're saying, to feel what you're saying. when you slow down also as a presenter I am less likely to make mistakes and I'm more likely to able to think process and share when you're doing your presentations please don't do this all right guys just one other thing let me put this in here I don't want to waste anybody's more time or take up any more time just really quickly what did I just do I just told you what I'm about to tell you really isn't that important so don't even listen why do we do that I'm here I'm speaking what I have to say if I'm saying something of value if I know I'm saying something of value because I'm trying to share and make the whole system and the process better. I'm going to pause. I'm going to speak. I'm going to share. But if I'm talking for myself because I'm insecure, I want people to see me. Everybody needs to know you're sitting at that table. Make yourself known. Make sure they can hear you. Make sure they see you at that meeting. You just made that about you.

[00:07:06]You shouldn't be at that table. That's the difference. The science and research shows the more we speak, meaning if we talk a lot and we use a lot of words and we don't get to the point, we are seen as less trustworthy. People will assess how competent and confident you are in the way you speak. Get to the point. Say it with less words and be impactful.

[00:07:25]Command what you say. I'm not as worried in my head. Am I wrong? Am I right? Am I going to say the wrong thing from time to time? Sure. Who isn't? But I'm owning my voice. And I think people are so afraid to own their voice. Own your voice. And if you're wrong, if your intention is right and you've prepared and you're doing your best and you're being genuine, not authentic, and you genuinely care about the people you're speaking to, the audience, then it's all okay. There's no way to not ever be insecure and maybe get rid of that word.

[00:07:53]You're not going to get it every time.

[00:07:54]Even myself, there's days where I'm like, me, I should have seen it or m I gave that person a chance, but then I rectify my behavior. I think where people get kind of screwed a bit is when they don't. You see it, you don't course correct. That's something else. So, you have to be okay with messing up. You have to be okay when people pull the wool over your eyes. You have to be okay with that. You have to be like, "U, he won. I lost. It happened." Lesson learned.

[00:08:18]>> Why is not being hard on yourself a good thing when it comes to making sure that you become stronger and braver in the future?

[00:08:25]>> Because I'm beating myself up and I'm giving myself more anxiety. I'm making myself more insecure. And then I'm also telling myself, "You dummy. You should have known better. That's not good." And the whole like I should have this, I should have that. In that moment, you make the best decision you can with the information you have. I think that's having faith and trust in yourself. And if you mess up, which we all do, being like I messed up, I will do better, but then do better. Nobody has time to sit to feel bad. Move on.

[00:08:51]>> If you continue to dwell and beat yourself up, you actually won't move on and do better.

[00:08:56]>> No, >> you're going to make it worse the next time.

[00:08:58]>> You make yourself insecure. How messed up is that? Like to live in that place.

[00:09:03]Hey, before you go, just remember this.

[00:09:05]Real strength is quiet. The loudest person in the room is often the one trying hardest to prove they belong there. True confidence doesn't announce itself. It makes decisions when others freeze. It owns mistakes when others blame. It stays calm under pressure and speaks with purpose. But here's the part most people miss. Every time you chase validation, fear looking wrong, or blame someone else, you give your power away.

[00:09:34]So stop performing strength. Build it.

[00:09:37]Own your voice. Own your choices. And when you mess up, fix it and move forward. Because real confidence isn't looking powerful. It's staying steady when tested. Just one last thing. I realize most of you watching still haven't subscribed. So, if you enjoy this kind of content and want more videos like this, make sure to subscribe. It's a simple, free way to support the channel, and I promise I'll keep bringing you more content that helps you see people and human nature differently. I really appreciate you being here. Stay sharp and I'll see you in the next