Toxic people who lash out at others are often projecting their own self-hatred and internal anger onto external targets; when confronted with this projection, they typically become defensive and loud, and the most effective response is to remain silent and show compassion rather than engaging in conflict, as their cruelty toward others is a symptom of deeper self-directed negativity.
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a friend told me this and it clicked
Added:A friend told me this and I literally repeated it to someone the other day. He says, "His life is pretty peaceful and he's pretty happy with how everything is, but he's so sensitive to people who are mean or hateful or angry, right?"
Which is funny because I'm the opposite.
I'm somewhat desensitized to it because of work and just dealing with people in general and spending years in online toxic games. And I told him, "I don't really feel bothered by it anymore besides like sadness really because from all the people I've met and the experiences I've gone through for the many years now, I've noticed what I'm about to say is true about like 9.5 out of 10 times.
I realize that people who are mean or hateful, they're also mean, hateful, and angry with themselves and they'll project it to be like, "Nah, I didn't do that. I love myself." They'll get so defensive and loud or do that fake laugh with it like, "You [laughter] think I love myself? What are you talking about?" Like they're pretending like they're not offended. That's That's when you just do this face. The face I'm putting on the screen right here. Just do that.
And just be like, "Okay." Don't respond.
Trust me, the silence after that, I've seen it so many times. Their eyes start to slowly wander or their lips begin to tremble or they'll hold like this fake smile that's so inauthentic like your literal body language is affirming that you're not confident in what you just told me.
You don't love yourself.
You aren't nice to yourself.
You're angry with yourself.
The only exception to this is is if like someone is like a genuine narcissist and I I wouldn't even be talking about this with them to get to that point to begin with because I already know what the answer would be. You have to keep in mind that empathy is a two-way street. Being nice and also being cruel is both a habit that the mind will naturally enter towards. However, when you have a habit of tearing others down or being angry with others even for the more trivial things, you're building your foundation on a deficiency with your empathy and you're only increasing your aggressiveness. But those who are usually more subconscious to be inclined to accept flaws and mistakes in other people, it is easier for them to forgive their own shortcomings.
Everyone makes mistakes, bro. Everyone screws up. And there are people as well when it comes to this topic where they hide their cruelty from others. So like they'll be mean, hateful, and angry, but all those same feelings they show or have for other people, they have it for themselves and they'll keep it secret so it doesn't destroy their own ego. They'll even deny it themselves. Like the like subconsciously their brain will deny it. It even goes as far to the simplest things that people overlook, but they don't overlook at the same time. Like how someone treats their body. Are you surprised when someone who treats their body like crap treats people like crap? Are you surprised someone who is sad and lonely and miserable and is always mad about life is hateful towards others who are living life in their other sorts of way that they can't have? I'm not saying that it's just they feel jealousy or anything like that, but you get what I'm saying where like they're they're sad and miserable. So of course they're going to be angry or mad about stuff or hateful towards anything. And often times people can be in denial about this, too.
They don't know what they dislike or hate about themselves, which is why I said like they don't even know subconsciously they they don't like themselves. They don't know how they don't respect themselves or treat their body or mind right. They think that everything is okay, really. Public behavior is really just an externalization of what's going on internally.
We could get all spiritual miracle about this, the internal mind being the is a manifestation of the external mind, but whatever, regardless. Someone being cruel to another person is often times a symptom of a deeper issue of someone being quietly cruel to themselves. So my friend told me this exact thing, and that's why I said I feel sadness for people.
Even with comments. Like if someone is really hateful or just mean in a comment, then I just feel bad for them.
I said this in videos before. I don't care if someone disagrees with me or thinks I'm wrong. But, if someone attaches that with being mean or name-calling or labeling in malicious ways, it's very very difficult for me to take their argument serious or take it to heart.
I just feel like, dang.
You know what? I I kind of almost like read through it. I was like, whatever you're arguing about, it doesn't It's like it holds no weight anymore. Like, cuz I'm thinking whatever you're going through, I hope it works out because I'm thinking you're approaching from a a rational standpoint at this point. So, the the point is overall, right?
Speaking of points, you could be sensitive to those who are like this, but it doesn't mean take it so personally. You can if you want. It's going to cause more chaos. Or you can give them compassion that they desperately need. It's better to feel bad for someone rather than arguing with them or fighting with them.
Does this make sense? I just wanted to share this because if you're dealing with this in like school, work, or like maybe you're like on Discord or like a a whatever you whatever space that you're in where you're dealing with people who are just aren't very nice, I and hopefully maybe you're you're the person who's not nice so you don't even recognize it.
I This video should be something to consider or think about.
I love you all.
I'm out.
>> [clears throat]
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