FINANCIAL TRAUMA | REAL CONVERSATIONS

追加: 2026-05-09

[00:00:11]Good morning, good afternoon, good evening from wherever you're watching me from.

[00:00:18]You're welcome to my YouTube channel.

[00:00:29]Just give me a minute. Let me share this.

[00:10:20]Oh, I am so sorry.

[00:10:24]Can you all hear me? I've been talking to myself the whole time. I muted.

[00:10:32]Dang it. I'm so sorry.

[00:10:36]Yes, I muted. Sorry. I was just wondering. Thank you. I'm so sorry guys, I muted. Oh, let me start all over again.

[00:10:45]I said um from the beginning I said when you have you know we all talk about child birth trauma, we talk about Augustina, you're welcome. Thank you so much for the feedback. I didn't I was talking to myself the whole time. I'm so sorry.

[00:11:06]When you have um we talk about child bed trauma, motherhood trauma, relationship trauma, all sorts of trauma, complex traumas. We don't talk about financial trauma and this eats close to home.

[00:11:22]When your chest tightens, when a bill drops or you enter into panic mode, you enter into panic mode when um your account balance is low. That's trauma.

[00:11:36]It's not stress but trauma. And that's what we are talking about today. We are talking about financial trauma. What's financial trauma?

[00:11:46]When you have money experiences in the past and your nervous system is telling you that um there is danger even when you are safe, even when you have the money to spend. That is trauma.

[00:12:03]That is financial trauma and financial trauma can arise from childhood scarcity.

[00:12:10]So I was talking about the situation where we were in school. So I have a friend on the live stream way back from school.

[00:12:20]Augustina we are birthday mates. My love I love you so much. Thank you for your support. Give please guys kindly give this live stream a thumbs up. Please double tap on the live stream. It will give it a thumbs up.

[00:12:33]In school back then we have something we call adob.

[00:12:38]So when we resume school we are fresh from home. We come with all sort of this my friend. She eats do is her favorite.

[00:12:48]She eats dodo you know that's where you cook fried rice. I'm a fried rice specialist. Jolo fries. All sorts you know and all of that. Why? Because we just arrived. Nobody will eat beans at that time. But when it is adobo bh you will see beans and rice I mean one derica of rice with I mean one of beans with a sprinkle of rice and that's where you you start seeing people eating beans don't touch beans when when you resume fresh you are just coming from home you don't touch your beans okay and that time when you are when You need money.

[00:13:34]If you see 100 DRA, you look as if somebody gave you 1 million. That's ad.

[00:13:43]So childhood casting can cause trauma.

[00:13:46]Imagine um people that are from humble backgrounds, you know, you come from a family that they are struggling to send you to school and all of that. that childhood trauma that there was a time you didn't have money you didn't have food to eat have you come from a family where one they will cook fish by they will that one slice of the one slice of fish they will slice it further into two it's not enough for you to take a small size slice of fish then it will be further divided into two even if it's fresh fish tilapia but Now I can afford to eat tilapia.

[00:14:31]I can afford to eat lady bird. I can afford to eat or any fresh fish. I can afford to eat coa. But then there was a time when they will slice one fish into two.

[00:14:45]Hi Mary. You're welcome.

[00:14:49]So that is trauma.

[00:14:53]If I can afford to buy tilapia fish and I don't want to buy it that ah if I don't buy this tilapia ah this money will finish that is trauma disturbing me that is what you call financial trauma my nervous system is still telling me I'm in danger even when I can afford it financial trauma can come from you know from the place of family pressure. You know some people when they get jobs, everybody will be happy. Hey my uncle has gotten a job. My brother has gotten a job. My sister has gotten a job. Why are they happy? One job, 10 dependent, father, mother, siblings, dependent and even your children are depending on you. So at the end of the day you will feel um guilt to spend money on yourself because you have to send spend spend send allowance home you have to send this to this you have to send this money to that person so to even spend money on yourself you will find it difficult that's trauma please guys kindly double tap I'm seeing a lot of people on the live stream please double tap to give this live stream um a thumbs up so I can reach a wide audience. Thank you. Large audience.

[00:16:19]Thank you.

[00:16:22]Okay. So, you can come from family pressure. Yeah. You can call from family pressure. I want to drink water.

[00:16:35]Shambala Pisco. Pisco. Who is this? What does this mean? Hi, you're welcome.

[00:16:41]Thank you for joining the live stream.

[00:16:46]So, how do you know? How do you recognize the signs that um you have you're experiencing financial trauma when you have I mean debt notifications.

[00:17:02]It's not depth, it's debt notifications, you know, and then you enter into panic mode. You don't pick your course. You're owing people, they are calling you, but you can't pick their course. That's trauma. Why not pick hello and talk about it?

[00:17:18]Avoidance.

[00:17:20]You don't want to you don't want to check your account balance. It's your bank account though, but you are scared to check it. Why? Why don't you want to check it? That's trauma.

[00:17:33]Some people lie because of shame.

[00:17:37]You are earning 100,000 but you're lying to people that you're earning 150. Why are you lying?

[00:17:45]Why are you lying?

[00:17:47]So that people will think that and you don't know that if you lie they will increase their expectations.

[00:17:56]There are some parents if you tell them how much are you earning? Ah I'ming 250.

[00:18:01]They have started calculating 250,000 um expenses for you.

[00:18:08]Yeah. So why not say the truth?

[00:18:11]There are some people when you know you have trauma, financial trauma, you are buying something and you're hiding the purchases from your partner or from your children. Why?

[00:18:23]I've seen some videos on social media where some mothers will buy stuff, sit in the car and eat it before going in.

[00:18:34]That's trauma.

[00:18:36]Why are you in bondage?

[00:18:38]You bought you eating it in the car. Why can't you buy your soya and buy the suya for the children and go in balance and eat the that's trauma or you buy capri or you buy some ice cream and then you eat it in the car and then you go in that's trauma even some partners do it you buy shawama you buy pizza you sit in the car you eat it before you go in that's trauma hi thank you for joining the live you're welcome comes that trauma.

[00:19:15]I watched a video. Now, let me tell you what prompted this topic. I watched a video where um a single father, walked into his son's room, and saw stacks of um Eden stuff. He saw where his his son kept um biscuits inside socks. He saw some candies inside shoe. He saw some supplies of other things that the boy went to keep and he sat on his bed and cried that his son. So they went for they went grocery shopping, right? And then the son picked some things, picked noodles, picked this, pick that cereals and kept them some under the bed, some in in the in the cupboard. He just kept them in different angles.

[00:20:16]That's trauma.

[00:20:19]The father has passed that trauma on that boy. And the father wept that he didn't know this has affected his child because he lost his wife. He lost his job and they had difficulty in feeding.

[00:20:36]So now that he has gotten a new job and things are rosy, he stalks his house. He himself has has made a promise that that season will never occur again. that no matter how bad it is, there must be food in the house so that his child can have food to eat no matter what. But that child also the traumatic experience has affected the child so bad that the child too is also saving for tomorrow and then he told his child that go and return this thing to the pantry. Never again will you ever experience h that eh episode that h scarcity of food ever again.

[00:21:26]So you see what trauma can his father can afford it. They have food in the house that that you know it can never finish before it goes down the father has restocked yet the child is keeping.

[00:21:41]So many adults do it.

[00:21:44]We keep food there. We keep money there.

[00:21:47]We put sometimes when you have this change you keep it in one book. You keep it in one bag. it is trauma because you feel that there will be a time that you will need that money.

[00:22:01]So the best thing is a mindset shift.

[00:22:05]Instead of saying I need um millions to make me safe, the best thing is to say I I need to be safe even with the thousands that I have. If it is thousands that you have so that you don't put unne unnecessary pressure or burden on yourself that's the best way a mindset shift call it what it is you have trauma and that's it but there's a way you can recover you can heal from that yes it's good to save money but save money because you know you don't want to spend all but you are not saving money Because you you are in a panic mode that something might go wrong in future because see savings is very important and that is because financial trauma can arise from sudden economic shocks.

[00:23:06]There was a time in Nigeria that suddenly we had fuel subsidy remover and there was inflation. It affected so many sectors.

[00:23:18]in the economy, devaluation of our naira, different government policies, tax here and there that affected Nigerians.

[00:23:32]So it means if you had a savings of 100,000 in 2024, that savings cannot help you in 2026.

[00:23:46]So, but at least if you are saving because you just want to save, it will be able to cushion the effect of sudden economic shocks.

[00:23:57]One thing I've realized is that Nigerians don't talk about money. We don't talk about trauma. We don't talk about mental health. We don't talk about money. We ashamed. We lied. So, so there are some people that could see they've lied about their salary. spouses have lied about their salaries. There are some husbands that are earning, let me give an example. Probably you're earning 250,000.

[00:24:24]You tell your wife that you're earning 150 and you're saying this so that she will not, you know, increase her expectations.

[00:24:33]Why are you doing that? But when you go out there to meet with your friends, you tell them that you're earning 500,000 NRA just so that you can feel among that's trauma.

[00:24:46]That's trauma. So let's the way we can heal and recover from this is to not lie. Let's be truthful.

[00:24:56]We end this and live within our means.

[00:25:00]Yes, let's live within our means and set family boundaries.

[00:25:06]Yes, you have 10 dependent but let them know that look this is my budget for the family extended family for this small monthly um budget let them know your monthly budget for family expenses whether your grandmother swallow blade or she swallows we arrow let them know that this is what you can afford.

[00:25:37]Or if it is your grandfather's twin brother that died, let them know that this is what you can afford. Don't go overboard. Don't go beyond your means.

[00:25:49]Set family boundaries. Let them know from the outset that okay, this is what I earn. This is what I can graciously extend for a family upkeep. I have so many things that I'm doing. Let them know.

[00:26:09]Don't be in perpetual financial bondage.

[00:26:12]And if you are the family that they've told you that this is what I can afford, please accept it.

[00:26:19]Don't use people as a retirement plan.

[00:26:21]Mm- accept it. Times are hard. But just praying to God that God will make everything easy for us. God will give us anointing for ease by the grace of God.

[00:26:35]Is there anybody that you know can relate to this you know financial trauma?

[00:26:44]Some people are a stingy to themselves is trauma. I know some people that they are in in the diaspora they will not go to African store. Mhm. They will not spend money to buy things for themselves. They are stingy.

[00:27:04]It's trauma.

[00:27:06]But you have the money now. You can afford it. But you are keeping it. What are you keeping it for? If you die today is a is nest of skin. Nest of skin that will spend your money. The nest of king that not even know how you worked for that money that will spend it.

[00:27:24]You see some people they can't buy clothes for themselves. They can't buy wig. They can't look good. They can't give themsel a treat. They cannot go out. They can't even lodge in a hotel that okay I'm taking this weekend off or I'm going to the restaurant to give myself a treat. They can't they can't even go on solo trip or solo dates. They are that stingy. That is trauma.

[00:27:50]You can't buy food from African store.

[00:27:53]You can't take yourself out. You're on a shopping spree. Is trauma and you can afford it now. What are you keeping the money for?

[00:28:03]You want to invest?

[00:28:06]It is good to invest but it's also good to spend on yourself. Yeah, because nobody knows tomorrow.

[00:28:14]So if you are the type that you are very stingy, you are tight fisted, you will not extend the hand of graciousness to other people when you can help and you are also not extending it to yourself is trauma is trauma. Yes.

[00:28:38]Spend money on yourself. Look good. You are no longer in danger mode. You are no longer in panic. All those things are the experiences of the past.

[00:28:53]I don't need to to h meat or eat chicken like full stop. E meat that looks like full stop. I don't need to. I can afford to buy beef and cut it into two or three pieces. I can afford to buy chicken it into two pieces. I've left that that trauma is trauma of the past.

[00:29:19]When our parents will eat two or three pieces of meat, even doctors will tell I remember there was one medical doctor in our church back there. They saying parents it is your children that need meat now. They are the one that need this protein. Give them two pieces, three pieces. You eat one nur our parents will fill their plate with meat you know I don't want to talk but now because of earth they running away from it they're running away from that meat that they were using as status you know they're running away from it now so spend this Money look good washi smell good. Buy perfumes.

[00:30:13]Yes. Not not o water. Not a breeze. Correct. O. If you use it 72 hours still they smell.

[00:30:30]Look good. Look good. You work for your money. You're no longer in danger. Spend deep, you know, and extend graciousness to others. And as you do so, you see that you glow. You will not be in panic mode.

[00:30:47]See Nigeria.

[00:30:50]Even if you owe pick your pick the call of your dtors.

[00:30:57]Let them know that yes, I know I owe you. I will pay. I will pay.

[00:31:03]You don't need to run or avoid their cause. You know it is well God will help all of us.

[00:31:12]Ah thank you for joining my life.

[00:31:15]If this really hits close to home please let's do the needful you know let's heal from it. I've I've talked about the signs that you know that you have financial trauma. Don't let your past judge your present. Okay.

[00:31:33]Spend your money. Live a good life. Do good. Be a giver. See, see the hand of the giver. Look at the hand of the receiver. The giver will always be on top. The receiver will always be down.

[00:31:48]So, and if you are the type that you're holding your money like this, nothing else will come in. Yes. Nothing else will come in. For those that are stingy, nothing else will come in. Especially when you have. So if you don't have, you can't call yourself stingy because you don't have. But then it is not even a factor because it's from when you don't have that know whether you're a good person or a kind person. So even in within your little means, even within your means, you can help people. It's not until you have the millions, even with the thousands, you can still help people. Yeah. You can still extend your hand of grace to other people. Thank you so much for joining this live. I really appreciate you all.

[00:32:39]I hope your day was good.

[00:32:42]Today in the morning I talked about um the I am fine lie Nigeria spell. It's up on my YouTube channel. kindly watch it and you know check on your friends and your family members to really ask them how they are doing. I'll see you some other time probably tomorrow I don't know but I'll see you soon at the grace of God. Bye-bye all those that join my live. To me, Austinina, um, Ladora, I appreciate you all. Axel, I appreciate you. Shino, I am grateful. Thank you so much for joining the live. I I sincerely apologize. I think about for the first 10 or 11 minutes I muted my microphone.

[00:33:42]It wasn't the sound was not on. Thank you so much. I'm grateful. Bye-bye.