insecure people are exhausting

Added: 2026-05-07

[00:00:02]Hello mamas. As you know, evil reinvents itself and never stays the same.

[00:00:07]However, one of the uh infinite and immortal forms of evil is an insecure person. That may sound harsh, but let me let me refresh your memory. You might remember like say 10 years ago um there being a certain archetype of person where they'd walk down the street and they'd see like a garbage can and they'd say, That's me. I'm trash. I'm literally trash. I'm literally trash. I'm literally trash. And then they like look around for like a laugh. The type of person that is like extremely selfdeprecative um to and like beyond humor. Like I'm not talk. There's a lot of things I'm going to say in the next 30 to 45 minutes that are like maybe sound like they apply to you but probably don't because they're just symptoms. I'm not talking about people who feel insecurity today um or make the off-handed LIKE I SUCK, I'M NOTHING, I'M WORTHLESS. BUT I'M TALKING about the people who become that who become insecure people uh who adopt it as their personality.

[00:01:17]I will speak from experience firsthand and secondhand. Um because I have I've spent a large chunk of my life insecure and a large chunk of my life um surrounded by insecure people. Um no longer as I uh well listen I'm not I'm not doing an an ego check of every single person I know to like figure out if they're insecure or not. I know for pretty certain that no one in my life uh now is like the type of people that um thrive off of being insecure people. Um so why are they demonic? Why are they demonic and why are they evil and why are they there? I want you to uh look at it this way. On the left hand we have insecure people who are constantly thinking about themselves because they are insecure.

[00:02:09]They're scared of how they are being presented and how um other people are thinking about them. And on the right hand, we have narcissistic people who are also always thinking about themselves and how they are being presented. But it's because they like themselves so much because they want like their personality to shine through every door that they walk through. And I've I've teared narcissistic people um a new one um in this podcast before and so they've gotten their lashes, but I feel like I need to swing the pendulum to the other side because we also sometimes forget we forget how harmful um you know some insecure people can be. And all of this is just food for thought. Okay, if you find yourself being an insecure person, 99.9% of the time, um, you just happen to be. When I was like deeply insecure, okay, like I'm not I also am not speaking from like an extremely high ego, um, the point of my life either.

[00:03:14]Like when when the front camera opens, I do duck. I duck like someone is shooting a shotgun at me. So, there's that, too.

[00:03:21]Um, but and and you know what? We're going to check it off. And that's my one insecure or one uh self-deprecative joke I'm going to make for the whole podcast.

[00:03:29]But just to um I know like you're probably going to assume if I'm talking about insecure people that I'm coming from the exact opposite side of the spectrum. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know I am nothing. Okay, let's leave that. So, we give like insecure people um a a a break and a pass all of the time because it it it tugs at your heartstrings when you see someone that you know hates themselves. Like that's like it truly is at the end of the day just like sad.

[00:04:03]It's so sad that someone could hate themselves because it's like that's your only life, [ __ ] You got nothing else. Like you're going to hate yourself in this life and then die and then BE DERKED. LIKE NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF. SO, I feel like insecure people get like a little bit of pity.

[00:04:17]Um, and maybe it's like rightfully so because, you know, like, well, this is your life. Like, [ __ ] it, bro. It's your life. As that guy said to the random child with like the interesting haircut in that one video that I'm going to try and clip, and I'm going to forget to insert the clip. So, you're just going to have to go off my shitty description. I'll be crying if I look like that, too, bro. That's [ __ ] up what they be doing to y'all. I ain't even going to hold you, bro. I be saying that's [ __ ] up. Like, bro, you probably had the full wash and set. You should be fire probably if they ain't cut your [ __ ] [ __ ] it though, bro. It's your life. Um, but I feel like a lot of the time the pass that insecure people get uh kind of um is a shield for the negative effect that being around insecure people can have. I will give an example of when I was insecure and then I'm going to give an example of uh one insecure friend I had in like high school. Um and mind you the example I gave about like people pointing to like garbage cans and be like I'm trash. I'm that like okay so my finger just looks like it's like 12 inches long when I put it in the side of the uh fisheye camera.

[00:05:30]Sorry that just freaked me the [ __ ] out.

[00:05:32]Um, you know, like as I said, evil reinvents itself and I don't interact with that many like outwardly insecure people anymore. So, I don't know like what the new version of that is. Like what the new version of BEING LIKE I'M TRASH. I'M NOTHING. I'M NOTHING. SO, like please like let me know, school me, comment down below like what the new version of that is. But um chances are like especially now in um you know these new times um of Gen Z and alpha like it's not we're it's not we're not a particularly uh confident generation and it's like there's a lot more uh brownie points if you can be like nonchalant and I think like in that that's like a similar vein to being like self-deprecative. though I feel like I my hunch is that there are more insecure people um now because like to be braggadocious uh in today's times in today's like it's not in vogue but anyways anyways let me speak from experience so I like used to have this friend who like this is like we're talking like the furthest [ __ ] extreme of like insecurity like absolutely like barely wanted to be living um and wanted to like like had probably zero selfworth. Like if you gave them like a um like a little form and you had to like put on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love yourself?

[00:07:06]THEY'D BE LIKE 0.1 [ __ ] kill me.

[00:07:10]Like not not the happiest camper. um nevertheless was like best friends with this person and uh also was in a friend group with like also somewhat insecure people but like no one was like at this level like we're talking um like I would receive te like a text every single day at school saying like do you like me or does um let's CALL THEM BOBBY PATUNIA AND JULIA does Bobby Patuni and Julia hate me like literally getting those texts every single day and like I am I think I'm a people pleaser. I think I'm a people pleaser. I like pleasing to people and even if it's at like the detriment of myself. Um but I uh I would like always reply like no le let's let's call her uh Janice. I'd be like Janice.

[00:08:04]Janice you are best friend and we all love you so much. And like for the first like few months and this behavior like I this was like one of those like friends where like we became friends like very fast at the start of high school like kind of like a trauma bond. It's like we got no one else so [ __ ] it. Like this will be the group for the next three years kind of thing. Like it wasn't like like childhood best friend or they like grew into becoming like an insecure person. Like I always knew them this way. Um but I slowly as I peeled back the layers of the onion of the insecure onion I realized oh the onion's a little rotten. So, um, at at first like I it was nothing but pity and like wanting to um like be there for this person. Like I would like bend over backwards to be like to like be comforting over text and be like um like I listen you are the light of the life. You are the light of the life and everyone love you and never forget it. Never forget it. And um no one hates you. no one ever have beef with you ever like ever ever ever ever type of thing. Um, but like it was relentless and um I think it was until much later that I realized it was like a feedback loop where I realized like the more I fed into that um uh kind of like affirmation circuit. Um, it only grew stronger and I feel like Janice became dependent on like getting those affirmations and like without them it would be like devastating like to ask like do you guys hate to me and not receive a reply would actually like send Janice spiraling. So I started to have uh flashes and visions about um how insecure people operate and I was like oh so that that is so that's your life.

[00:09:55]That's your life. Now, mind you, I um probably through a good chunk of like probably high school to um like until I dropped out of college, like had very little self very little self-worth. Like didn't didn't [ __ ] like my life.

[00:10:12]Didn't like um much about me. Um and I I probably um like ex exuded insecurity in a lot of ways. Now once again let me make the distinction like most people and probably all healthy people are insecure in certain ways feel insecurities about certain things.

[00:10:36]However, it's once again completely different to be an insecure person where you're like completely reliant and dependent on other people's validations and you're only ever thinking about yourself. Um, and that leads to harm harm of the people around you. But, um, I yeah, I'd say that I was like teetering on like um being like largely insecure and like actually just like being an insecure person. I distinctly remember like every single day uh like freaking w like any room I would walk into anytime I was like talking to someone new like it would be like like BPM of my heart would be like 160 and be like oh my god what are they going to [ __ ] me what are they going to hate me do they like me they hate me they hate me they all [ __ ] HATE ME THEY ALL [ __ ] HATE ME UM and it like completely it gave you like it gave me like tunnel vision like I could literally only see this um and I could I couldn't even be bothered to think about like other people around me. Um because like you're so when you're in that mindset and you're so like focused on yourself, like how could you how could you possibly even begin? Well, a there's the what is it called? Like the missing person syndrome. No, not that. What the [ __ ] is it? It's like some theory that um any room you walk into, it doesn't matter how you act because like most people are probably thinking about themselves. And even in conversations, I really enjoy this because like I um I'm not the best especially talking to like new people just like in a group conversation setting or like when meeting new people um I tend to like freeze up and like just like make a fool of myself. So like um I realized that like if you just let other people talk um whether it be driven by like insecurity or narcissism, people will just talk and talk and talk and talk about themselves. And I like I enjoy it.

[00:12:24]I enjoy it. I enjoy cuz a lot of time they just will just dish out like tea or freaking fun little tidbits uh or like info like stuff that you would typically like want to ask about but then they just tell you anyway. So like you could just like let people talk and they will talk. But um Oh, and my light died.

[00:12:42]Cool. Okay. Yeah, you're my therapist now and I'm on the couch. Um and listen, I don't know if I like realized that back then uh like at that age that like most people just actually don't give a [ __ ] And like statistically you have nothing to be insecure about cuz like most of the things that you are insecure about people a don't even know exist or notice and b don't [ __ ] care about even if they do notice it. Like if you're like my my big old nose my big old nose and ears that I want to chop off my head.

[00:13:16]People don't give a [ __ ] And recently I've been thinking about like when um people like meet me for the first time like they have no idea about anything that I'm insecure about in my life like they lit they literally unless it well unless I don't even know and then that okay so that's like making me freak out now. Like maybe there's an insecurity.

[00:13:34]See that's a that's an actual fear of mine is like having an insecurity that like is to be discovered that I don't know about yet that will one day reveal itself from someone else. That's happened a few times. This happened a few times where like someone said something AND IT BECAME OH I remember I like oh when I did my looks maxing video um and like I posted like a freaking like thirst trap picture like with the like the masculine filter like that gives you like a beard and stuff um on like my story to like promote the video because you know got a thirst trap to promote [ __ ] YouTube videos cuz that's where the career is at now. Um, but like I I I was like my back was like kind of arched a little bit so it looked like I had like a little belly and the amount of [ __ ] DMs I got people be LIKE NOT THE BEER BELLY POPPING OUT. So yeah, for a few months I literally thought I was the fattest person alive, the biggest person alive, even though I knew I wasn't. Even though I was like also in a place where I was like loving how the body is looking, loving my own body that I'm in on this earth. and then um thinking that I have a big [ __ ] uh gut gut just hanging off when like anyways but um yeah back then definitely didn't uh like realize that like no one's thinking about you for the most part unless it's like a deep friend and here's the thing here's the thing no one is like strangers and like acquaintances and like people you're meeting aren't really thinking about you in any like meaningful or like judging way beyond like like a fleeting like oh their shirt's weird or something like that and the people that actually care about you that are thinking about you probably love you and aren't um would never like think anything bad about you. They're only like looking at you with love. So like statistically you have nothing to be [ __ ] insecure about. So know that.

[00:15:28]Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that awesome?

[00:15:30]However, um I just remember like being in the mindset of like feeling like a like a big [ __ ] gob of snot just like walking around in every room and and everyone like as if I had a giant like eggy odor that followed me into every room. actually, you know, there was like a year I feel like where I before I discovered deodorant um where I feel like I had like like puberty musk for like a whole year and was definitely actually like um like physically stinky. But um no, so I I do I tr I'm coming I'm coming at you with love as I um uh talk about how insecure people um are the devil. Uh because I was once one. And I've also been thinking about how, you know, there's a common human trope where like people will like free themselves of an affliction and then like uh close the door behind them and like hate everyone else that has to go through that. Um even though they should like have the empathy to like understand why someone goes through that. But so like I'm not like I'm not trying to exude that. I'm not trying to like be like UM I BOTTLED UP MY INSECURITY. SO SHOULD YOU [ __ ] KILL YOURSELF like it's not not trying to do that coming at you with love. However, I think that it gets buried. It does get buried um how insecure people can harm. Okay, so let's get into how they can be harmful. Um in that example that I gave about like the friend that I had Janice who um like was so overtly uh insecure that it was like it was like a burden. Um, here's the thing. I know I wish everything could be like sunshine and rainbows. Um, and that like people and friends would never be a burden because like that's how you have to operate in life. Like you can never make someone in your life feel like a burden even if they are. Um, which will happen many times many such cases many such cases of like friends being a burden. Um, and I think, you know, there's so much like uh emphasis that we place on Okay, this is coming from someone that's never done [ __ ] therapy ever. Um, that has a podcast instead. Hello. Uh, but there's so much emphasis on like just like throwing people away to the side and like forcing them to do or not forcing them, but like um making them do therapy instead of just having like communal uh like help and LIKE HAVING A COMMUNITY and like friends that can like help each other through things versus like having to pay uh like a trained professional $250 to like hear what you're going through. I've always uh found it a little I I found like at least American society a little bit too reliant on things like that when I feel like so many um issues could be helped through like good community and good friends um and being freaking deaf for each other.

[00:18:31]Uh and so like I think that like in your friendships in interpersonal relationships like um you should be taking on a burden from people like it should be uh give and take like you give some of your burden you take some of theirs you work through it together and it's beautiful. However, there, you know, that works with people who feel insecurities um but sometimes not for people who are themselves deeply insecure people and like that's their that's their bread and butter. So, I'M NOT SAYING LIKE DUMP THEM ON THE SIDE of the road and leave them on the freeway. Like, I'm not saying that. But, um there is uh I found myself with Janice. Um, I found myself at a limit.

[00:19:21]Like I'd say it was maybe like a couple Oh, and my my iPad has low battery. I'd say it was like a couple years into the friendship where I was like, "Oh, what is this weight over me? What is this weight over me every time we have to hang out with Janice?" Like, I thought Janice was friend in my head, but Janice is actually stressing me the [ __ ] out.

[00:19:39]BECAUSE JANICE DOESN'T CAN'T FIGURE OUT IF EVERYONE HATES HER, WHICH she made people everyone [ __ ] hate her because she kept asking people if they hate her.

[00:19:53]So, uh, you know, our whole kind of friend group kind of came to like a realization like, oh [ __ ] like what do we do? What what do we do about Janice?

[00:20:03]Because Janice is uh freaking us all out. um and can't help herself and it all stems from a deep insecurity.

[00:20:14]Uh and she is like projecting all her fears onto us and what the [ __ ] do we do now? And what ended up happening is it kind of like uh we like distanced ourselves from Janice and that felt like the scariest thing in the world because we were like is she going to be good? We were like, obviously we weren't like kicking her to the side of the road, but it was like we've tried to be there for you, home girl, but like you got to you go talk to like the school counselor or something.

[00:20:43]You see, here I am being like, "Okay, actually, I don't even WANT TO [ __ ] HEAR. IF YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY, go to therapy." Um, but actually that ended up working because I think that insecurity stem from like, am I breaking Hiba by saying this? Well, I gave a fake name, so who the [ __ ] cares? Um, like Janice was able to like deconstruct with a professional like how uh like why she was feeling that way and like what led her to have zero selfworth and also like I think got on like a med or something. Meds. Meds. Med. Got on a med. That sounds weird. Got on meds.

[00:21:19]There we go.

[00:21:21]Um, so like not saying that every single uh like person that is insecure uh is like is like because they have some like mental illness or something, you know?

[00:21:34]Sometimes it's like literally just uh it's not it's like how they were raised.

[00:21:38]It could be like a traumatic childhood, something like that. It's it could be any number of things. I feel like a good chunk of like insecure people um it comes from like childhood. Uh I feel like most insecurities come from childhood EXCEPT FOR THE NEW ONES THAT I GET every day by being online and showing my face. Now, I want to say that like where I differ from like all this like recent discourse about insecure people that I've been like seeing online is a lot of people talk about it as if it is like actually an identity and if as if it's like an incurable disease and I'd say probably for a lot of people it is probably the hardest thing in the world to get over like being insecure to like gain confidence cuz sometimes like where the [ __ ] do you even get that? You can't go to the confidence store and pick up a little bag of [ __ ] confidence and just insert into your mouth. Like that that doesn't exist. Um, and it's like a long journey. And like for me, it took a lot of time to stop thinking like I'm giant [ __ ] Google monster walking into like a social situation or something like it. It it it it is a battle. But I feel like there is a difference between people who are insecure and like working to be less insecure um and people who um kind of relish in it um and stew in it and like they enjoy the pity that they receive from being insecure and knowing that people know if my iPad says 10% remaining one more [ __ ] time. They like when people know that they are hating themselves, which sounds crazy because it's like who the [ __ ] would do that? But those people do exist. So, let's snap out of it. And I kind of experienced like trial by fire when, you know, I became an adult and um especially like like I went from pretty much like I didn't have like a single friend when I was in college. Like I uh was hating it. probably like the most insecure I had ever been to like like a few months later I I like when my like Tik Tok started like blowing up and I like went to LA and was like um like at like playlist live and [ __ ] and having to do like a 180 flip into like I mean I don't think I think I like put a band-aid on it uh for a while like back then to like temporarily just like pretend like I was the coolest person. I mean I felt like it. I had like a 100,000 subscriber or followers on TikTok and I was like, I'm literally famous and probably like bordered closer to like the narcissist side of things.

[00:24:21]Um, but it was at least enough to like not be uh like constantly thinking about my insecurities and um I realized and so like I it kind of like tapered off around like 2020 or 2021 I'd say. Um, but like I started to like get into situations where um, you know, the general kind of social contract uh, being an adult and being in like adult spaces is to like kind of have your [ __ ] together. Obviously, everyone has their bad days. Um, and I wish society was like a little bit more comforting to um, you know, what people go through. And it's crazy how like like if you work a job like you get like what like two mental health days which like most people end up having to use like if they're sick or like need like an oil change. So like realistically it's like it's zero. Like we're a very callous society to like um you know like mental health. But like I realized as an adult that like even places that are like we are safe space. We are safe space for mental health like at the end of the day especially in like situ or like places like a job um where like the focus is to like make money. Um like there is very little tolerance for um not having your [ __ ] together. And one of the things uh that that could apply to is being an insecure person. Like you you can't be you can't be like at your job saying like, "Uh, Mr. Boss, do you hate me?

[00:25:57]Do you guys like me? Am I cool? Am I funny? Are we friends? Do you like me?

[00:26:02]You hate me. You hate me. I think you want me dead, right? You want me dead?

[00:26:05]You want to put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger? Bum." Like, you can't do that at the Home Depot incorporated.

[00:26:13]they will fire you. Um, so how do you get your confidence? How do you get it?

[00:26:19]What makes you so confident? One time I was with friends and we were walking through like the Soho area and like we had just finished talking about like how funny it would be to like run like they were visiting from out of town and we were like, "It'd be so [ __ ] funny if we saw that guy." And literally minutes later, like clockwork, we hear out the corner of our ear, "You look confident.

[00:26:36]What makes you confident?" And it was the guy. But we were all like too like starruck that we just like we kept WALKING LIKE OH MY GOD.

[00:26:45]But he went up to them and not me. What does that mean? What the [ __ ] does that mean?

[00:26:51]Um overall overall overall like it's not there's worse things you could be. Duh.

[00:26:57]Like you could like it's not like people who are insecure. Um okay I know I literally started this by saying LIKE THEY'RE THE DEVIL. THEY'RE THE DEVIL.

[00:27:05]HEY, can can aian get hyper hyperbolic for a second?

[00:27:10]Um, but it's not pleasant. It's not pleasant to be around um insecure people, specifically the ones that are like feeding off of uh pity towards them. It's, you know, I think most people enjoy being able to take other people's burdens and be there for them, but I think when that um when that gets like over uh when you overstay, you're welcome with that as an insecure person. Um this is not going to end well. So do LIKE [ __ ] FIGURE IT OUT. LIKE DO A A sit up if you feel do a squat if you if your insecure did is that your ass is flat as a [ __ ] board like mine is. Do a squat. No, actually I was at the gym with my girlfriend and um I like refuse to do squats. Like I forgot that that's something that people do at the gym. I refuse to do it because I don't care about my ass. I don't care about my ass more than like just if it's comfy enough to sit and it is. Thank you. Like I I have no I don't want bubble butt. And for some whatever goddamn reason it is, there's so many dudes at my gym with [ __ ] BBLs. It's like, whoa, whoa. Um, and I think I almost have like a reverse desire for I wish I could get like a butt um I guess it just be like a lipo suction.

[00:28:31]Like what's like a butt reduction? Well, I feel like I feel like I'm losing my side note. When I going to Coachella a few weeks ago, there was like a billboard for like a the Diplo set and it said, "Hey little mama, come shake that little OMIC ass." And made me want to take the wheel and crash it into a cactus.

[00:28:53]I can't begin to even like talk about Ozic. It's a whole other can of worms.

[00:28:58]Um, let me rank my in Let me rank my insecurities from top to bottom. Let's see. Definitely top one for um either that was like end of last year or this year was when people said your guts hanging out multiple times. That definitely was an alltimer for me. Um my okay actually no I'm not going to expand on beyond that because the worst thing and here if for everyone this applies for everyone the worst thing you can do is tell someone know your insecurities cuz god forbid y'all ever get in an argument. What the [ __ ] are they loading into their chamber? They're going to say, "Oh, what about that snaggle tooth in your [ __ ] mouth?"

[00:29:43]But actually be open with people. be open with people about your insecurities to an extent and say one one day on this podcast I'm going to have something to talk about where it's not like do this but also do this but also be aware of this but also don't do too much of this and I'll just have straight advice for you but until that but that's life baby.

[00:30:02]Life is [ __ ] nuance and life is about uh saying things that sound like they disagree with another thing you say, but it al it actually just all makes sense um when you piece it all together and bake it into the [ __ ] pie.

[00:30:18]Um uh follow the podcast Instagram, please.

[00:30:24]DramaMama Drama Mama. Ooh, okay. There's something just out of frame. That is an Easter egg to what is going to happen to the podcast soon. And by soon, I've been saying soon for the past few months, but it could be more months. It could be more months because I um everything in my life is running behind right now, but once it catches up, we'll be so back. B of the week will be on top of the whole media sphere and ecosystem. Anyways, thanks for listening. Um, hope I wasn't too harsh on any of y'all, but hope hopefully it was tough medicine for you to hear or strong medicine. Needed medicine. What the whatever. Bye.