This Is Where I’m At: In Between | Why Women Compare Themselves To Each Other

Added: 2026-05-23

[00:00:00]Someone commented on this episode and they said, "I finally took off the heavy backpack and started walking for myself." And wow, I had to come back to this because this line stayed with me.

[00:00:12]One woman also said she felt invisible for years. Another said, "Friends are rarely happy for each other." And I just kept thinking to myself, "Where did we learn this?" Hi babes, welcome back to This Is Where I'm At. I'm Alicia Miller Powell and I had to come back to this episode. This episode about friendships, about, you know, women competing with each other and workplace environment, relationship environment, whatever the case may be. I've been reading every comment, every DM and I said, "Girl, we need to go back and touch base on this because some of these responses I wasn't necessarily expecting it to resonate this much, but then again, it's real life and we've all, you know, at some point experienced this. So, you were sharing real pieces of yourselves.

[00:01:09]One woman saying, you know, she felt invisible. So, another woman saying, you know, she had to take off the heavy backpack to finally walk for herself.

[00:01:17]That weight of trying to fit in, trying to be chosen. And another woman said something that was simple but really powerful. She said how most women are not necessarily always happy for their friends, like to see them win and all that. And I had to sit with that and I kept coming back to that, right? Cuz at some point in our life, whether we want to admit it or not, we've either experienced it or we've been on both ends of it. And I kept saying to myself, "We weren't born like this. We were taught to be like this." Literally from when we were little girls, the comparison [clears throat] in our friendships, in schools. Oh, she's getting better grades. She's good at this. Oh, her hair is nicer. Oh, this or that. Comparison literally started from young. So, to reiterate that comment again about from young we were taught this. From young, if you think about it, we've also been comparing who looked better, who is prettier, who got more attention, who the boys liked more, whose timeline looked better, whose upbringing was better, whose life looked better. And at some point, we've convinced ourselves that there's only room for one of us to win.

[00:02:36]Somewhere along the line we started believing that there was only room for one of us, one of us to be able to have the career, the relationships, the life.

[00:02:45]And guess what, babes? Social media made that completely worse. It made that louder, right in front of our faces.

[00:02:52]Because now we're literally not just comparing ourselves to women in our faces, in our environment. Now we're literally comparing ourselves to women all around the entire world. Every screen we see, you're comparing your life to theirs. Let me sip my lemonade.

[00:03:11]Because we're about to get real. Shout out to Chelsea. You can get this in General Foods. Just look at the packaging. You can get it in some of the supermarkets in Jamaica. So, shout out.

[00:03:22]I love to see women win, and I tried this product, and it's so, so, so good.

[00:03:26]And if I'm being real, I've also caught myself at some point in my life doing this as well, comparing myself and thinking to myself like, "Wow, I am clearly behind."

[00:03:39]Because I'm looking at someone else's life, their timeline. Again, like I said, we're literally comparing ourselves to every woman that we see on our screen. So, then I had to remind myself, or if you ever find yourself in this position or predicament, just tell yourself that you don't know what they're carrying. You don't know what they're struggling with. You don't know what battles they're fighting quietly, because that is a real thing. Not all that glitters is gold. Because some of us are all here fighting for our lives, literally. It may not look like it. I always say this, thank God that we don't look like what we're going through or have gone through. And sometimes competition doesn't necessarily come from confidence. Sometimes it comes from fear. I know also will say insecurity.

[00:04:27]Sometimes it's, you know, fear of being overlooked, fear of not being enough, or fear that there isn't enough room for you. Fear that there isn't enough room for everybody to be seated at that table.

[00:04:41]But here's one thing I know. Think about a time that you cheered on a woman.

[00:04:46]Whether you're watching this right now or listening, right? When you cheered on another woman and celebrated her wins, it didn't take anything from you. You didn't lose anything. You didn't become smaller, and you didn't move backwards.

[00:04:59]If anything, it expands what can be possible. Girl, she walked so you can run. She passes the baton so you pass the baton to another. Because sisterhood isn't just a nice word. We were literally never meant to do life alone.

[00:05:15]The woman who put that heavy backpack down, she stopped carrying everyone else's expectations, and that is powerful.

[00:05:23]Stop running somebody else's race. Let me sit up right and say this with my chest, loud and boldly, okay? Stop competing for a seat at the table that maybe was never designed for you in the first place.

[00:05:38]I know that might be hard to hear, but we are all literally put on this earth, right? With our God-given talent, our blessings, our strengths, our weaknesses. So, that seat at the table that you think is destined for you, maybe it's another path you're supposed to be on. So, focus on you, not someone else's timeline. Stop racing with everyone else. I know we hear this, life is a marathon, not a sprint. Build your own because when women really connect, when we show up for each other applauding each other, woo child, it is a beautiful thing to see. When you really tell another woman that I'm happy for you, I'm supporting you, it doesn't take anything away from you. It doesn't dim your light. It doesn't take any opportunities away. When we say I'm happy for you and really mean it, it changes everything. I'm Alicia and this is where I'm at.