This is a perfect example of how confident delivery can make blatant scientific errors sound like profound intellectual insights. It brilliantly parodies the modern trend of podcasts that prioritize aesthetic authority over actual facts.
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You watch uh Check It Out. I've been re-watching Check It Out, >> Dr. >> I need something with an oola.
>> Dude, you gotta watch the You gota watch the children the children episode of uh Check It Out with Dr. >> I bet I bet you do want to watch that episode.
>> Yep.
>> You're going to You're going to like that episode, Caleb.
>> I bet you will like that episode. I bet you will like it.
>> Yeah, I bet you will.
>> Yeah, I bet you'll like it. Pedophile says anything.
I could do this all day.
>> I I was prepared to go for 30 minutes, >> dude. I Yeah.
rest of the episode is silence.
>> Oh, it's >> Oh, boy.
>> It's too easy.
>> How is a shanty dorky?
>> Did I tell?
>> Literally, it's for pirates. Was it you or somebody else?
>> Modern day pirates use the computer.
>> It was you that I told about that band that I forgot the name of the other day that I discovered. The band that's like three brothers that I >> Oh, AJR.
>> Oh my god. That's the worst thing in the world. I couldn't believe that, dude. It was blowing my mind. I watched everything that they had ever made because it was pissing me off so bad.
>> What's the [ __ ] song that they like?
>> It was really bad.
>> I tr I I think I I heard >> And they're massive, too.
>> They're like one of the biggest bands.
It's like Imagine Dragons, too. Yeah, they're that type of they're but they're not as good.
>> Yeah, >> obviously.
>> Imagine Dragons.
>> Imagine Dragons is >> Imagine Dragons is tripe.
>> So, let's go.
>> I think it's shite >> in terms of Imagine Dragons.
>> I like you. You cur boulder dash.
>> You what?
>> You curr.
>> I'm like a mut.
>> Oh, type.
>> You can't appreciate amazing Imagine Dragons.
>> First of all, >> they literally appro They literally appropriated computers in their music.
That's That's >> That's actual electronic.
>> Say Poppycock right now. That ain't true. I won't say it.
>> Say it.
>> Say you I'm calling Poppy [ __ ] on that.
>> You are on some bull pucky.
>> You better stop. You are a nave.
>> You guys >> listen. Imagine Dragons. Don't know even a single song.
>> Yeah, you do. Shut up.
>> I can't think of I'm sure I would know it if I heard it. What is an imag song?
>> Just Just try and sing one. Just sing an Imagine Dragon song.
>> Radioactive. Radioactive is an Imagine Dragon song. So, Imagine Dragon Radioactive. Kind of cool.
>> Believer.
Oh, Believer.
>> Believe. Now that I understand it, >> you'd know every song by then.
>> I like them, man.
>> I don't think I understand anything that's going on in the situation.
>> But you're right. And I will take my hat off.
>> I think if you took your hat off as well, actually.
>> Uh, I'm not going.
>> And I was going to do the same thing.
>> Take off my hat because it it fits in with my fits in with my thing.
>> I If a ball If a bald man with a lip pimple can take his hat off. Look at that. You see?
>> I'm not a bald man. I'm a I'm a >> No, that's what I'm saying. But if I can as the I would say the lowest rung on society in the world.
>> I think that's lowest rung. I think that baldness is supposed to be power.
>> Baldness is worse.
>> Baldness represents power.
>> Baldness is even worseer than even more about being white. Baldness is the worst thing you can be with the hardest life possible.
>> Baldness is what? Hold on. What did you say there? Baldness is even more worse than you can even be with just being a normal white.
>> You're saying whites are normal and everything else is weird.
>> Whites are the worst thing ever. I think we can agree.
>> I said there's a normaly to whites.
>> We're having some interesting conversations about normalness today.
>> My idea of normalness is a white guy with hair who eats 10 eggs every day for breakfast. That's the most normal.
That's like the average dead in the middle. Well, a white guy is normal, but then if it was a black guy with eggs, you would say that's weird.
>> I would say that's even better.
>> You would say it's better, but it's not normal.
>> It's not >> normal isn't about good or bad.
>> You're saying it's not normal for a black to eat eggs.
>> I would say that's >> Yeah, that's what you're saying. It's not normal.
>> That's what you're saying. Okay.
>> Wait, it doesn't matter whether it's good or bad.
>> Watch this. Watch this. Watch this.
Watch this. Watch this. That ain't normal. That's exceptional.
>> Yeah. So, again, it's not about good or bad.
>> It's just you'd say it's not normal.
They agree that it's not normal.
>> Why are you guys trying to trap me in a little bird cage today? I would just let me fly. Baldness is the hardest thing you can be on planet Earth is being bald. And being born bald is pretty rare, but that's also normal.
>> No, that's >> being born and bald is normal.
>> No, most babies are born with a little wispy.
>> I'm thinking we should have picked a different theme for this episode. It seems like we have something we're gravitating towards.
>> Yeah. Normaly.
>> Norm. What's normal? Interesting.
>> Is there Is there normal?
>> Normalness. That is a good idea for an episode.
>> We could have done that.
>> Normalness. What is the norm?
>> Yeah. What is normal?
>> What is normal?
>> Is it normal for a black guy to eat eggs? Caleb, >> I think it's normal. I don't know why I said that. I think it's completely normal. I don't even But is that is that how I don't even know if that is racist?
What >> if I said if I said that wasn't normal, which I think it is. Would that even >> I think most things that start with is it normal for a black guy to dot dot dot is probably >> probably racist, dude.
>> Yeah, I guess you're right. You know, I'm just a I'm just a guy trying to >> But I guess Patrick is the one who asked the question.
>> What did I ask?
>> Thank you.
>> I guess now I think about it, you're the one who said that.
>> That's not a normal question, but it is the question that was implied by what you said.
>> He implied that it is normal to be white. I had no normal.
>> That was his implication.
>> For me it is because I am.
>> He said the most normal thing that you can be is a white man.
>> I did. But there was extra stuff there.
>> I don't think there was. Oh yeah. You said the Okay. You said that the most normal thing >> and you eat eggs every day.
>> And you eat 10 eggs every day.
>> Yeah.
>> And you The implication was it is abnormal for a black person to eat.
>> Abnormal. You're trying to make me sound like a super villain from a movie.
>> I'm not trying to say anything. I don't think super villains from movies are going around saying it's not normal for black guys to eat eggs. I don't think that's really a super villain.
>> Even super villains wouldn't say that.
So I'm sounding worse than a villain.
That's how you're trying to make me sound for no reason. By the way, I did nothing.
>> I DIDN'T DO ANY I GAVE YOU.
>> That is that is what nowadays with woke culture. That is what DC and Marvel movies are like now. Super villains are like black guys can't eat eggs >> and the superheroes are like what?
>> No, they can eat WHATEVER THEY WANT.
>> WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU. YOU KNEW James Gun, Superman, Lex Luthther's going to say that you can't eat eggs.
>> Well, hello Superman. It seems you have foiled my plan to stop all black people from eating eggs.
>> You know what I think?
>> Which was my plan all along.
But what you haven't realized is that I've already gone halfway through with this >> with what would even his plan.
>> How would he go halfway through?
>> What would the plan be there?
What's the >> Would he just try to reinforce that stereotype?
>> You got to watch the movie to find out.
>> I don't know if it's a stereotype.
That's what I mean. He makes up a stereotype and then he does it.
>> I don't know. This is This is James Gun's IP. I can't really spoil it.
>> This is something that came from you guys.
>> I didn't say anything.
>> You guys collaborated on this one.
>> I didn't I didn't >> I had no part. I was sitting here over here eating cereal. Last night we were watching uh Prisoner of Aszaban and Chamber of Secrets and honestly intoxicated me.
>> Yeah, >> dude. And guess what this [ __ ] was saying the whole time?
>> The Yapper himself saying >> Harry Potter sucks.
>> Ah, dude. I don't [ __ ] with Harry Potter. [ __ ] >> Harry Potter fact about the movie.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I don't like actually the scene where the dementors come in is actually not that cool. They come in.
Oh. Oh, yeah. Great. Lupin. That was you the whole time.
>> I do not f with >> Lupin is so [ __ ] funny.
>> How do you not like Harry Potter, bro?
>> I like different kind of just so you know what it is, man.
>> I like the ganja bar. I like Doney.
>> You don't like Dune. You're complaining about Dune all the time.
>> That is the same [ __ ] It's all the same [ __ ] movie, man.
>> There's a beautiful hero.
>> You know what I like, >> dude? The other the other night he was talking he was talking about Star Wars a bunch and we were talking when we were talking about Dune and I was like, "Oh, man. You might like Dune cuz a lot it's a lot of it is directly copied about copied from Star Wars like directly lifted." And he hit me with like a >> I didn't hit you with >> You did. You did. You did a mentally challenged voice to improve doing it.
>> Oh yeah, man. I was like, "Okay, >> I didn't do that.
>> You did do that fully and I was nice and I didn't I just let it slide." But now I'm bringing it back cuz you hated it on Harry Potter.
>> You know what? Speaking of speaking of Harry Potter. Yeah.
>> Want to tell if we want to get into this. We want to get into this right now.
>> Let's do this [ __ ] >> Okay. If we want to get into this, somebody in this room did not believe me >> when I said >> when I said that Dumbledore said the school is going to get a school treat.
It's the wording here. Let me mediate this.
>> I've put a sick in front of it.
>> At the end of Harry Potter 2, >> I put the word sick.
>> Me and Cameron, to be fair, me and Cameron were talking about >> something. I don't remember what we were talking about, but we were a bit >> You guys were complaining about how I don't like the movie and Okay. We were complaining about how you didn't like the movie and you were so locked in looking for flaws as we said this >> that you are the one who heard this but uh after after the movie had ended Patrick said oh and what Dumbledore said that they get a they get a school treat >> I didn't say it like that I was just letting you guys >> no you said oh yeah and Dumbledore said they got a school treat and and Cameron immediately was like he did not say they get a school treat and then you said yes he did he said they get chocolate >> he said they get chocolate frogs and that's why they're all >> I was speculating cuz I didn't really know what was going on, but I said that they >> What is that?
>> That's the sound of my rage.
>> Oh my god.
>> That's the sound of my ra.
>> Is something happening?
>> I think this is a nuclear bomb.
>> This is a nuclear alert.
>> Whoa.
>> There's some kind of >> Pat. That was very brave to go and look out of the window.
>> There's some kind of ringing right now in the hotel.
>> I don't know what it is.
>> Okay, it's starting to fade.
>> Well, anyway, and the I said what? Okay.
Okay. Okay. I I'm prefacing this by saying Patrick was right. He was completely right. They did He did say sit down. Sit down, [ __ ] >> He was half right. Sit down. Sit down.
Sit down. No, I will not sit down.
>> And listen, this is what Patrick said.
He did not >> will get the school will get a school treat.
>> That is not what you said. You said I said Dumbled I said they did not get a school treat starting out as basically jokingly arguing and then Patrick said Dumbledore literally just said the line you are going to receive a school treat.
I said he did not say that.
>> He said you were going to get a school treat.
>> He did not. He said as a school treat we are cancelling exams. He said, "Well, >> he did not say you are going to." You said he said you are going to receive a school treat. Then he gave them chocolate.
This argument went on for long enough that Patrick pulled up the script, which was not cool, by the way.
>> What do you mean? It's not >> That is not That's Googling, man. You can't Google with a with a little argument like that. You can't Google.
>> You Googled the script.
>> You can't Google the script. Google the script.
>> You were You were right about the word school treat, but you were wrong about everything else.
>> Everything else you were wrong about.
said it was >> I was correct about school treat.
>> You said that it was a chocolate.
>> I said Dumbledore said the school was going to get a school treat. I don't remember what it was that chocolate frogs or something.
>> That's what I said. I stand by this. And also this argument went on for so long that we didn't realize the door was wide open to the >> So people were probably everyone in the hallway heard me and Cameron screaming.
>> THEY DON'T GIVE A SCHOOL TREAT.
>> SCHOOL TREAT. HE SAID SCHOOL TREAT.
>> It was pretty.
>> He said school treat.
>> I said school.
>> He did say school treat. school treat up.
>> I smarten up, >> jackass.
>> That's also when we were in Minneapolis, I was trying to make there was somebody sitting right by the green room door and Caleb or Cameron went outside. I think both of you guys went outside and I was trying to make it look like we were arguing backstage and I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just started pointing at Cameron and going, "SMARTEN UP. YOU SMARTEN UP RIGHT NOW."
>> YEAH, I get I get made fun of. Yeah, always have.
>> Rightfully so. No, it's a normal way to talk.
>> No, it's not.
>> It's normal to be from the south. A lot of people are. Most of the world is from the south.
>> Mhm.
>> That's not true.
>> Yes, it is. Global South.
>> No.
>> Yeah.
>> No. Yeah. No. Southern some of somewhere near.
>> What side am I on?
>> You're on my side.
>> Okay.
>> No. I'm not I'm not on camera.
>> He's lying to you. You're on my side.
>> I'm on Caleb's side now. No. Patrick, you should be on your own side.
>> Patrick. Patrick, come to my side. We have cookies.
>> Oh, >> yeah. Well, we have cookies in more cookies than him.
>> Patrick, we have cookies. We have a massage chair.
>> Uhhuh.
>> Like one of the ones that you put on an office chair >> and we have a a penis sucker.
>> I need I need >> We actually have a We have a paintball course inside the middle school.
>> Wow. Okay.
>> And you can And you can hit the teachers with the paintball.
>> Really?
>> Yeah.
>> His side has homework.
>> No.
>> Yeah. You get to burn it.
>> Yeah. And we have homework and a homework bonfire.
>> Yeah. Burn after reading it and doing it.
>> No.
>> And you have to do all the homework and make all the problems.
I get to I get to I get to play paintball and watch it burn after reading if I >> on my side on my side. We we just stop we just finished filming Jackass 4 and we have we have a preview copy of it.
>> If you go to Caleb's side all your hair will fall out. Oh no.
>> That's fine. We have we have hair >> and Caleb thinks it's fine. Caleb doesn't care if your hair falls out.
>> He doesn't care about you.
>> We have a cool wig selection.
>> Really?
>> Yeah. You can get a big afro and nobody even gets no one will make fun of me.
>> Nobody will make no one on my side. You can say whatever word you want.
>> Whoa.
>> Same thing here with one exception.
>> Okay. Well, that doesn't sound too good.
>> Yeah, mine's better.
>> Oh, so you want to say it?
>> What? What? What word you talking about?
>> What do you think? What word? The n word.
>> Which one is that?
>> What are you talking about?
>> No, that you said >> Caleb doesn't even know what word he's talking about. You said you could say any word on your side.
>> You don't even know what word I can't say.
>> Here you can you can say every word except that one. And I'm This is I'm drawing a hard line. I'm drawing a hard line in the rules.
>> I do like rules.
>> This sounds like a lot of rules, Caleb.
I don't think I want >> We have a We have a nude beach and kids are allowed.
>> You can be >> not They're can't be naked, but like little like if you're a kid, you can come and you can watch.
>> I'm not I'm not a kid. Yeah, you are.
>> I don't feel comfortable going.
>> That was my dream when I was like a teenage boy was just like please a nude beach. We're just like it's like 13 and up.
>> First stage production I ever saw. My mom was in a community theater thing for some like play that was essentially >> Bad Moms the play.
>> It was No, >> that's not funny. That's actually not funny.
>> The movie Bad Moms.
>> You're saying that I I had a bad mom.
>> No, I'm saying that's not [ __ ] I'm saying that your mom was in Bad Moms to play like horrible bosses. That's B.
>> Bad moms and bad Santa. The moms that like to drink.
>> You're actually going to piss me off.
You're actually going to [ __ ] piss me off.
>> If I was in a play, I would I would not let my kids see me.
>> I'm saying that it was bad mom's the play.
>> It wasn't though. It was some stinky. It was like basically stinky cheese man.
>> It was basically mom was in the stinky cheese play.
>> It was basically the stinky cheese man where it was like a bunch of different like like >> Come on, little Caleb. Come watch me.
And the stinky cheese play.
>> Caleb of the stink.
>> She didn't play the stinky cheese. She played Rapunzel. I'm so excited.
>> She played Rapunzel. Okay. She had to wear a giant hair extension. And then we got out and my mom said, "What did you think of it?" And I said, "They should make the Matrix a play."
>> How old were you?
>> 17. No, I was probably nine or 10.
>> Yeah. Come on. This is going to Come on, little Caleb. It's going to shape your perception of me forever. I want you to come watch me perform in the Stinky Cheese.
>> If you guys met If you guys If my mom >> My mom My mom was in the Stinky Cheese Man. Okay, first of all, the Stinky Cheeseman's are my favorite like how you say like when you say your dad is in a movie.
>> It'd be terrible. It'd be terrible if somebody made fun of somebody's mom on this podcast.
>> I agree because I don't make fun of your mom. I'm not making fun of love to your mom.
>> Anybody's mom and making fun of the Stinky Cheese play.
>> But my if my mom >> He got so upset cuz I said his mom was in Bad Mom's the mom was in a worse play.
>> She was in a way worse play. She could have been on some onewoman show where she's drinking wine and stuff and she said, >> "Okay, LMS for a rating, Patrick."
>> Nope.
>> LMS for a rating.
>> I'm not gonna like >> Okay, I'm posting on your wall. So, dot dot dot. You said that my mom was in bad mom's a play when I was trying to clarify that she was in a play that was not the stinky cheese man as Cameron Feder as >> my name. My name is is >> Cameron Cuy.
>> Yeah.
As Cameron Cuddy said, he was she was not in Stinky Cheese Man. She was in a play that was akin to Stinky Cheese Man.
And before you call me and know it all for knowing what a kin means when we're only 3 years old, I learned that from the play because it was also educational.
>> Your mom, was it an educational version of >> It wasn't the Stinky Cheese Man. It was a kind of You remember in the Stinky Cheese Man >> the play the community theater was like, "We really want to put on the Stinky Cheese Man, but we can't."
>> RIGHT.
WE HAVE TO GET ONE THAT'S just similar.
>> No, >> we have to get the Sticky Cheese Mine ripoff.
>> Fine. She was in Bad Mom. She was in Bad [ __ ] Stupid [ __ ] Moms. Yeah, that's what she was in.
>> She played Katherine Hod character.
>> She was in the Sticky Cheese Man ripoff.
The Smelly Butter Guy.
>> No, no such thing as Smelly Butter. When I was a kid, when we were when we were kids in my family, we got like a like this Spider-Man VHS camcorder >> and we made we tried to make a TV show and our my older brother my um my older brother we made him play a character called Fat Baloney.
>> That's rude.
>> You know what?
>> Stinky cheese man is just making me laugh.
>> Fatal But imagine fat baloney guy the play.
>> If either of you two came to my house >> he eats baloney. Now, >> I'm opening the door and speaking of Spider-Man, I'm doing this silly string right in your face.
>> Okay. Well, that I would never come into your house.
>> You Here's what happens. You You hear the knock, you open the door, you spray out, you spray into nothing. We ding-dong ditched you.
>> Yep.
>> I have silly string that reaches hundreds of feet.
>> We have flaming poop on the door.
>> And we have And we have spy glasses.
>> You would do that because you're stealing from a movie and you're the kid who's walking around saying, "Uh, oh dear, sweet baby Jesus. You're ripping off my Facebook status. I'm making Ron Burgundy quotes my Facebook status.
>> You rip off Tallaladega Nights at school all the time.
>> You've never seen Tallaladega. You haven't seen it. You're not allowed to watch it.
>> I'm allowed to see everything.
>> You're only allowed to see the Stinky Cheese movie.
>> My entire house. My DVD collection is all R-rated. The entire thing is DVDs that are R.
>> You have Veggie Tales. You have You have Veggie Tales tapes that you wrote R on over. Watch this. Watch this. You're my boy Blue.
>> I have the unrated version of >> He doesn't know what that is. He doesn't know what movie that's from.
>> I have the unrated version of people on me. Ricky Bobby, >> I have the unrated version of Aon Flux and there's boobs.
>> The Human Torch was denied a bank loan.
>> What is it? I've seen the movie you guys are referencing. I've seen it. I've seen the movie that you guys >> You watch Liberty Kids?
>> No, I didn't.
That's your favorite show.
>> I've seen the movie you guys are referencing.
>> Every day every day you're like get home really fast to watch a new episode of Liberty. You watch Liberty Kids and your favorite character is Benjamin Franklin?
>> No, I didn't. No, I didn't.
>> You're like, I wish the kids weren't in this show. I wish it was just the founding fathers.
>> I've never even heard of the show. I've never seen it.
>> Liberty just a New England thing.
>> I don't know.
>> Liberty Kids is the funniest >> I watch.
>> It's a show they make you watch in fifth grade when you're learning about the Declaration of Independence.
>> I didn't watch that. I watched the John Staceil program. You look up and you pull up a picture of Liberty Kids for Caleb.
>> I watched the John Stell program and I made my my family computer's homepage the US dead clock. Okay.
>> This is Caleb's favorite show.
>> No, I hated this show. I've never even heard of this [ __ ] >> No, I was doing >> This is Caleb's favorite show.
>> No, that's just wrong. It was not Liberty Kids. My favorite show was Adventures and Odyssey.
You know what? Actually, maybe it was my favorite show now that I've seen that.
>> Oh my god. We should watch Liberty Kids.
>> Yeah, just put that on YouTube. We're going to the rest of the episode. We're just going to watch that.
>> You guys are You guys have been such [ __ ] [ __ ] to me. And I honestly >> I'm telling your mom what you just said.
>> I'm telling my mom that you two double bullied me.
>> We didn't double bully you.
>> I can't imagine what that feels like.
>> That must be so That must be so terrible. You're a [ __ ] >> Oh, boohoo. I'm giving I'm I'm I'm back on this side.
>> There we go.
>> Caleb what?
>> And Patrick >> gay guy.
>> You're a num nuts.
>> You're a cottonheaded ninny mugggin.
>> You're a num nuts.
>> I love that movie.
>> You're a cottonheaded ninnie mugggin.
>> I love that movie at Christmas.
>> And I saw the underrated version of that movie, too.
>> Like five times.
>> Well, you are a cottonheaded ninny mugggin.
>> No, I'm not. And if you say that again, the principal is going to overhear you cuz I'm going to get him.
>> It's not even a cuss.
>> It's literally not even a [ __ ] cuss.
>> Well, it will be to the principal.
>> Why? Cuz he's a Christmas elf. Cuz he's short. You're saying Mr. Wolf is short?
Yeah, >> cuz he is short.
>> I'm taller than him.
>> Yeah, that's cuz you hit puberty earlier than us two. Okay, so that doesn't mean [ __ ] [ __ ] Okay, >> I don't even care that you have pubes anymore.
>> It's not even impressive that you have pubes.
>> It's not impressive that you have pubes.
My uncle has them.
>> My uncle had them before you.
>> It doesn't matter that me and Patrick are shorter than all the girls in the class.
>> Whatever. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I'm going to go watch my Transformers CD with the slip cover that I got for my birthday.
>> We did karaoke at the last music class of the year. None of the girls thought it was embarrassing that I picked the who is my song.
>> Patrick Lms for a YouTube video.
>> I need to see a YouTube video. I liked it.
>> Uh it's called um it's called uh how to be awesome, right? You click it.
When no strangers do love, you know the rule. You don't like it. You rick rolled me. And that's a type of That's >> blocked.
>> Blocked. Yeah, I'm blocking you right now, [ __ ] >> Blocked on all platforms. Facebook, Gmail.
>> You're not even going to see me on sparktop.org.
>> I'm hitting you up on my on >> I see you in class. I put my folder across my face like this.
>> I'm hitting you up on Runescape.
>> I don't play Runescape. I play Adventure Quest.
>> We just drew a funny ass photo of you with Microsoft Paint in the computer >> because my friend Peter F actually gave me his Guardian account.
>> Peter Feder, >> guess what I'm doing? You guys have set me off a very, very bad bad track. And now I'm going to start drawing swastikas into all of the bathroom stalls and I'm going to eventually get suspended.
And my mom is going to think is going to start making me eat natural peanut butter instead of the stuff with sugar in it because it hypes me up too much.
Yeah, that's right. [ __ ] you guys. I'm out of here.
>> [ __ ] you.
>> I guess this is the end.
>> You're a piece of [ __ ] >> [ __ ] [ __ ] man.
>> He's dropped his C4. He made it.
>> I'm going to put some C4 in the classroom and blow you up. I'm going to blow you up.
>> You're not. You wouldn't dare.
>> I'm going to blow them up.
I want to live on a giant farm with nobody around me, >> right? No, no, no. There's no mice on a farm. No animals will come into your house.
>> My problem. I'm fine with the mice. I just hate having >> neighbors. You were crying about having to kill >> Right now, I'm talking about neighbors.
You would You would sobb every time you had to milk a cow.
>> I've lived on a farm.
>> You could never farm. You could never be a farmer now. You're too >> What are you talking I've lived on a farm. I'm the only one of us who has ever lived on a farm. I lived on a farm in Louisiana.
>> What? For a summer?
>> For a summer doesn't count. Never talked about that. I worked at a soybean farm.
>> Okay, there you go. It's a soybean farm.
It's not a [ __ ] farm with animals.
That's not a farm. That is not a farm.
>> I've have I have more farm experience than both of you combined probably times a thousand.
>> No, I' I've stayed at farms. Have you STAYED AT FARMS? MY >> ANIMAL FARMS farms with animals, dude.
>> My parents house had a chicken and that is I don't give a [ __ ] Chicken is Chicken is fake [ __ ] dude. I've taken care of I've taken care of goats. I've taken care of horses. You guys don't know me. I HAVE. MY COUSINS HAVE GOATS AND HORSES.
>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> IT IS TRUE. THEY LIVE IN BAKERSFIELD, CALIFORNIA. You see how red I'm getting?
>> THIS IS WHAT I'M HOW SERIOUS I AM ABOUT FARMING. IT'S IN MY BLOOD.
>> YOU COULD never >> We went to your family's houses in Bakersfield. I did not see a single animal.
>> You went to my grandparents house.
>> We also went to You went to another house. OH, YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY COUSIN, MY uncle Tim, though.
>> You don't know about his farm.
>> NO, YOU DIDN'T. NO, YOU WENT TO MY UNCLE MIKE'S HOUSE.
>> MY UNCLE TIM HAS A WHOLE [ __ ] FARM.
BUT NOW THAT YOU HAVE YOUR ASK ABOUT THAT [ __ ] OR GIVE A [ __ ] ABOUT MY FARM EXPERIENCE OR CARE THAT I [ __ ] SEEN DIFFERENT KINDS OF ANIMALS GIVE BIRTH AND I'VE SEEN THEIR milk and [ __ ] I'VE HAD TO CLEAN ALL THAT UP. SO, YOU NEVER ASK ABOUT THAT. YOU JUST CARE ABOUT IT.
IF I try to seen every damn animal on the carousel in real life.
>> No, you have. You never >> You've never seen a griffin.
>> I saw a griffin on a carousel once.
>> Yeah, I wrote a hypocrite.
>> I've never seen that.
>> I'm taking care of giant sea turtles.
No, you haven't.
>> Yeah, I did. No, you have not.
>> They thought you were They thought you were one of their eggs cuz of your >> I got lost in the aquarium for two years. I had to take care of all sorts of [ __ ] I used to feed the sharks.
>> A straight up lie.
>> I used to feed the sharks with my mouth.
They used to >> No, you used to shotgun weed into the shark.
>> I was at the I was at the zoo recently.
The animals were talking to me. So, >> they didn't talk to you through the glass like Harry Potter.
>> It wasn't glass that they talked to me through. They came out and they talked to me.
>> You are in a very dangerous zoo. You think you're going to sell all those eggs?
>> I don't I think people are buying them to have them.
>> Yeah.
>> No, they're not.
>> There's a shortage. It's an egg shortage.
>> Flip. This is flipper mindset, bro.
>> You buy a flipped egg from someone on Facebook Marketplace.
>> Like it's upside down.
>> There's people that sell plates of food on Facebook.
>> Well, that's a great point cuz the egg is almost always pictured with the rotunded bottom as the bottom.
>> I bet it's going to break if you put up.
>> I would never put the top side down.
>> Yeah, I think it would break. Even in the the egg m fridge, >> isn't it? Well, like there's that thing if you have >> So, there's that thing if you have a glass egg that you can only break it if you hit it from the top with a skinny little pick.
>> What the [ __ ] are you talking about?
>> I knew that this was going to happen. As soon as I went to break there's that thing where there's a glass egg strong glass egg >> or just a strong glass.
>> Wait, you're not breaking a fabra egg.
>> I thought that was the point. You break it, there's something inside of it. No, that's a Kinder egg.
>> If you Google strong glass egg, it's going to tell you you can only break it from the top.
>> I swear to God.
>> What are you What do you mean a strong egg?
>> The adjectives are right there. Yes, I understand what else can I explain.
>> Who makes these eggs and why do they make them?
>> I don't know for experiments to see how it can be broken.
>> But why not just use a normal see how it gets broken?
>> Strong glass egg broken from the top.
>> Is this >> can only be broken from the top?
>> Like one video that you saw.
>> This was taught to me at school.
>> The other homeschooled.
>> This has to be some school.
>> Yeah, he knows about it. He said >> I didn't do science that much.
>> You didn't do strong glass egg experiment.
>> No. So, this is cool. Is what is that? L >> some kind of a serpent egg. Oh, those are birds.
>> AI overview.
>> Okay.
>> If a strong glass egg breaks from the top, >> it's likely because the top is the structurally weakest point despite appearing strong.
>> So, he's [ __ ] knowledged on your ass.
>> It's a true factor. Oh, I open my spun you, bro. Put it on the Put it right up to the road. If >> egg is dropped or hit directly on the top, it is more likely to crack or break at that point.
I yeah >> when pressure is applied to egg the force is distributed across the shell but the top and bottom experience the most concentrated pressure due to their curvature >> so the top water glassed egg broke backyard chickens.com >> I had no I had no click backyard >> chicken my mother's glass egg >> okay but you're getting the whole point was if you see an egg it's always photographed with the bottom on the bottom if it's like being held in a cup or something >> my mother had this glass egg on a stand with a lid for way longer than I've been alive. And recently it unfortunately broke and she got crushed or she's crushed.
>> She got crushed >> by the glass egg.
>> But a glass a strong glass egg will likely is more likely to break from the top.
>> I don't disagree. I just don't.
>> You seem like you're disagreeing.
>> No, I just don't know what the [ __ ] that means. Why that structure of the It's fully based on the I understand that a egg.
>> You seem to understand everything.
>> I do. I do understand everything. I've said that before. I'm very good at >> So, what is the sticking point?
>> It was We were not talking about glass eggs at all.
>> If you photograph a an egg, say you set an egg on this, >> we were talking about photography.
>> Yes, we were.
>> If you set, see, he admits it. If you set an egg on the on this rim of my bottle, you would normally set it with the the the bottom side.
>> Yeah.
>> Here. So, I was thinking that we were talking about putting them upside down in the carton and I was saying probably the reason they don't do that is because it would break much like how a strong glass egg would break if you hit it with a small pick at the top.
>> Flipped egg and he must have thought >> I thought we were talking about flip.
You said cuz then you say, "How come you never see eggs upside down?" I thought you were talking about >> No, no, no. I was talking about eggs. I didn't know we were talking about egg photography. You flipped eggs. I was talking about selling the buying eggs to sell them.
>> I'm never leaving again. This would not have happened if I was not gone for a month.
>> This is happening when you're back.
You're here right now.
>> Yeah, this is true.
>> This is you coming back.
>> The gap of me being gone.
>> Next time's [ __ ] stay gone.
>> You don't mean that. You really don't mean that.
>> I If you're going to like get on my case about your case, I was just asking what the [ __ ] that [ __ ] means.
>> You explained it perfectly.
>> He t He said the egg was flipped.
>> You Yeah, >> you said the egg was flipped. This is being >> I said the egg was flipped. This has been a price. Okay. I said we all agree.
>> I said would you buy I would like I would like everybody to know this is not even a one of our big fights that we're having right now.
>> No, we're having dozens of other fights.
>> This is not even one of them.
>> This is a skirmish.
>> I know when a fight happens because there I usually lose. This is not one of them cuz I didn't lose. Did I?
>> I think you lost.
>> I didn't though.
>> I don't know who won that one. I think the viewers lost. I think you said that I was right a bunch of times.
>> Yeah, but >> I think you kind of everything I said you kept saying.
>> But again, the point was that that wasn't a fight. So there is no winners or losers.
>> So comment down below who won.
>> No, nobody.
>> It better be me.
>> Who won that exchange?
>> It better be me.
>> I was about to Yeah, I can't even think of what the name of the exchange would be. I was about to say who won the something exchange, but it's so there's not even a >> upside down >> the strong >> glass. Can you break a glass egg?
>> You can't break it from the side.
>> You can probably >> You can't.
>> Even with a 100 mile.
>> I watched a video years ago.
>> Even with a 100 mph.
>> Okay, we're not talking about 100 mph.
>> You said you can't.
>> You can't do it normally.
>> 100 miles an hour. You can break anything with a 100 miles an hour, bro.
>> Okay. What about a titanium block?
>> You probably could.
>> No, you can't.
>> 100 miles an hour. That's fast.
>> A tungsten block versus >> tungsten. Titanium. If I got cast on Tim and Eric, can you imagine?
>> If I if I got cast in Tim and Eric, I would have made those guys the other all the back room casting or whatever. Back what is it? Central casting.
>> I would have made all of those guys look like [ __ ] idiots.
>> Yeah.
>> By my acting skills.
>> You wouldn't have been picked.
>> Yeah, I would I would have I would not I can't do my impression of my audition right here, but it would trust me. I would sell it.
>> I would get picked. It'd >> be very offensive community. It would be very >> people with mental disabilities.
>> Whoa. Why you throwing that in there?
>> Yeah. What is that supposed to mean? Are you kid? Look at James Quall. That guy's got a a mental disability.
Right.
>> Acting bad.
>> Yeah.
>> He thinks bad acting is a disability.
>> That guy they're they're fully >> No, he's not skilled.
>> David Lee Bahart, he writes music.
>> What are you talking about?
>> Acting isn't his strong suit, >> but that doesn't mean he's [ __ ] MD.
Yeah, >> they have MDs.
>> No, they do not.
>> Some of them they could get MDs.
>> Yeah, because they're smart. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's the opposite.
>> They have complete >> They have They have >> No, Tim and Eric wouldn't do that.
>> No, Tim and Eric.
>> No, Eric's a good guy.
>> No, no, no. What do you think? They're preying on people with mental disabilities, you're saying?
>> Hell no.
>> Yeah.
>> Tim Hideker, you're saying, is praying on people with mental disabilities.
You're saying that into the camera?
>> I'm saying he was. I don't think he is anymore now. He's obsessed with whatever he's doing >> office. Okay. So, he's not keeping up with office hours lives.
>> Interesting.
>> Are you?
>> No, but I've seen a couple minutes of it before.
>> Okay.
>> When Ed went on, I watched that and that was funny.
>> Okay.
>> So, guess what, buddy?
>> James, there's no way that that man isn't >> What are you talking about?
>> That guy's a little bit slow, right?
>> He's an actor.
>> Yeah, he's being funny.
>> He's a He's a pizza delivery.
He's a police delivery man.
>> What's his name? Oh, I am Sam. Oh, this actor is slow. It's a He's an actor.
>> He was slow.
>> He was pretending. I don't know who I am, but literally >> Well, it's not. It's Arie.
>> Little Gilbert Grape's brother. Arie.
>> What is his name? Who plays I am Sam?
And >> Gilbert Grape.
>> I don't know. It was Sam. And Arie from Gilbert. The bastard who like these are You're telling me that these are actors playing these slow people?
>> Yes.
>> It's a TV show. It's just a show.
>> They didn't hire a slow person >> for I am Sam.
>> They didn't hire a slow person for Next.
You're going to tell me that Forest Gump is an actor.
>> Forest Gump isn't an actor. Tom Hanks is an actor and he played Forest Gump, >> but he's slow.
>> But he's that he's actually slow. He actually has a >> So that you picked the one. That's the one.
>> Yeah. Uh that proves the rule.
>> Yeah.
>> I had to get a soda to drink.
>> All right. We got this list.
>> I had to go destroy the world real quick. this list.
>> You look like Stewie Griffin, [ __ ] >> No. Oh, no. No.
>> No.
>> Yeah, you do. I don't. Yeah, you do.
>> You both look like the dog and the girl combined.
>> Yeah. I don't look like Meg. You look like Stewie.
>> You look like You look like Meg, dude.
>> No. No. You look like Bertram. You look like Stewie's nemesis. You look like Stewie's evil twin. Bertram.
>> He said Nemesis, Miss >> I said Nemesis.
>> You ain't Nemo.
>> I'm Nemo.
>> You ain't Nemo.
>> I'm Nemo. No, you look like all the Rugrats combined.
>> That's fine.
>> Yeah, one inch tall and two >> That's fine.
>> No, that's not fine.
>> Cuz then I'm the same height as you Stewie the baby.
>> Huge, dude. You're not Stewie the baby.
No, you're Rugrats the the kids.
>> Rugrats. Rugrat the kid.
>> Rugrats the kid.
>> You're You're that you're the famous outlaw.
>> I'm Rugrat the Kid.
>> No, that's what you are basically.
You're basically Stewie.
>> You're basically, now that I look at you, you're pretty much up.
>> Do your Stewie impression.
>> I don't have one cuz I It's so far away from who I am. It's like me trying to do an impression of like uh Jackie Kennedy.
Like it's impossible.
>> Thought you were going to say Jackie Chan.
>> Caleb, Caleb, you're like if Caillou learned crime statistics.
>> No. Yeah. Not true.
>> Yeah, you are.
>> No.
>> Yeah, you are.
>> Yeah. No, not true.
>> Crime statistics. Why? Cuz I fight crime. Because I'm a Yeah.
>> You fight a certain type of crime in your eyes.
>> Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
>> You fight a very specific You fight Yeah.
>> I don't I'm not I'm not racist and I'm not a Caillou. And I have hair. You can see my hair. I have hair all over my head.
>> You just colored your head with a colored pencil before you started.
>> No, I didn't. I didn't. No. No. You just scribbled on your head with a Sharpie.
You're You're Harold. You're Harold in the purple crayon. You look like Harold in the purple crayon. Use the purple crayon to color in your hair.
>> You're Harry in the purple penis and you have a purple penis.
>> I I'm Harry in the Hendersons and you're Harold in the purple crayon.
>> Yeah.
>> Not >> cuz I'm fat and I have I'm covered in hair. Meanwhile, >> he literally just did Peter Griffin when you said fat.
>> Fat and I'm covered in hair.
>> I'm fat. I'm fat and I'm covered in hair.
>> You're basically living his dream right now.
>> No, I'm not.
>> Yeah. Eating food. I'm drinking soda.
>> He That's his other That's his second dream.
He >> has dreams. He has two dreams in fairness to this year's hambringer. I think that ham had issues.
>> Had remember the development of the ham being >> when it arrived. Yeah.
>> Oh, I see.
>> There was a there was a ham broom.
That's a ham problem.
>> That makes word I've created. Ham. Dude, making a turkey is like I didn't I wasn't ready for how stressful that is.
>> Turkey kind of [ __ ] sucks. Yeah, turkey isn't that good.
>> That's like you're bringing the [ __ ] Christmas tree.
>> Yeah, turkey sucks. [ __ ] >> uh I'd say the presents are the are more important than the tree.
>> Uh or more pressure.
>> Oh yeah. Where do we put the presents? I would say the presents are the are the are the sides.
>> The presence of the collards. The presence of >> Maybe as an adult.
>> The presence of the mashed potatoes.
Presents are definitely the main attraction, my friend.
>> Yeah, presents are the turkey. The tree is the tree. The tree is is on a platter. Nobody's like thinking of Thanksgiving like, "Oh, wow. I can't wait to see a platter."
>> No one's thinking about Christmas like, "Oh, wow. I can't wait to get the tree."
LIKE THAT.
>> YEAH. ARE YOU STUPID?
>> NOT IN THE same way as turkey. It's obviously the presents. It's obviously the presents.
>> It's not the presents.
>> If anything, if anything, if anything, the tree is the tree of It's the symbol of the holiday.
>> Yeah. And then the tree is the cornucopia right there. Yeah, >> it's literally right in front of us.
>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
>> Because when was the last present be a side dish? The stockings are the side dish to the presents.
>> The stockings are the cranberry sauce and maybe the candy cranberry sauce, the candy >> or the drinks.
>> But the cornicopia you you have a Christmas tree every single Christmas.
What when was the last Thanksgiving you had a cornucopia?
>> Haven't I haven't had a Christmas tree in hella long.
>> Mhm.
>> Okay. Well, then you are a Grinch. But for >> No, no, no, no, my friend. It's not about the tree. It's about the spirit.
>> The spirit can't be No, you can't pick the spirit as the representation of Christmas.
>> The Christmas will go on without a tree.
>> How do you draw a spirit?
>> What? It's like this.
And then the two drew our own.
>> That's a ghost. A ghost cannot be the It's already Halloween.
>> A spirit or synonym.
>> No, eggnog.
>> Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Well, okay.
You distracted me. Pumpkin pie. Sound good.
>> But I think you >> Eggnog is Okay, hold up. Eggnog is definitely the pumpkin pie.
>> Oh my god.
>> Yeah, I'm sorry to sidetrack the tree.
We have to say equal to the turkey.
That's crazy. It's crazy.
>> This is going to be one of those. This is going to be one of >> It's not cuz everyone's going to think you're wrong.
>> Everyone's going to think I'm right.
Everybody will think I'm right.
>> It's crazy. It's a turkey thing to say.
>> And the tree.
>> The presents are the turkey. Maybe that's so [ __ ] stupid.
>> That's not stupid. That makes the most sense out of anything.
>> You guys are just more materialistic than me and I'm more into trees.
>> No, it's not us. It's Christmas.
>> I'm describing Christmas. I'm not saying to me. I'm saying you if you were into Christmas than anybody.
>> No, no, no. You would be maybe I guess I don't I would say Thanksgiving because I associate you with ham now.
>> I don't like that.
I I associated you with ham a long time before I ever saw you make a ham.
>> That's hurtful.
>> How is that hurtful?
>> Cuz a ham is a disgusting animal.
>> No, >> it's like a pig.
>> A ham is not an animal. First of all, >> it's a vegetable.
>> A ham is part of a pig.
>> It is. It's like a pig.
>> Disgusting.
>> I guess it's maybe like a pig in color, but it's not >> animal. So, you think a ham is not the same as a pig? I don't think it's the same.
>> Who would know more?
>> A lot of >> a ham couldn't get up and walk around.
>> No, I'm not.
>> Who would know more about hams? You who's just a guy or me as you sides as you put it.
>> You gave We're talking You didn't even make ham this year. You You left hand.
>> But you literally both just said that I remind you of ham >> because we thought you were going to make ham this year >> first. I told you I was making turkey.
>> You said you were making the turkey.
>> You didn't think I was making [ __ ] ham.
>> Okay, this is interesting because of the way you look.
>> Yeah, red.
>> That I will accept.
>> I don't I didn't think you were going to make that.
>> You are looking very pink right now.
>> You look like ham on my You look like a ham on my >> lighting is not great. And you're looking your shirt is the same color as your face.
>> Do I still look >> Yeah, it's still the same color, man.
[ __ ] god.
>> Did you try to change colors like a chameleon by changing your background?
>> Exactly what he tried to do.
>> No, I didn't try that. That doesn't make any sense. And I'm too smart.
>> That's what you did.
>> No, too smart. Pigs are even smarter than dogs and four-year-olds. They say >> one gay friend. They don't have any other gay people.
>> Really? Mhm. Is that true?
Unfortunately.
>> What about the girl?
She's gay in the new movies.
>> Yeah, but she's not gay. She's a lesbian.
That's a different thing.
>> Is it different >> like scientifically?
>> Scientifically because there's no pointer. It's just a hole.
>> Pointer.
>> There's no pointer. It's just a hole.
>> They don't have a pointer.
>> Lesbians are just a hole.
>> Lesbians Lesbians actually have two holes. So, it's not just a hole.
Actually, they have three if they want to get crazy.
Why are you so nasty?
>> I'm not nasty. I'm homophobic.
>> I'm not being homophobic. I'm speaking scientifically.
>> You're So, okay. So, you think scientists So, the scientific community has agreed that lesbians are just three holes.
>> The lesbians have three holes. If they wanted to get freaky, they can use the third.
>> Uh-huh. Whichever one is weird, too.
>> And men have two and they can make two more.
>> Men have three.
>> Men don't have three.
>> Penis tip pole, [ __ ] mouth. You're being nasty. You're saying [ __ ] >> I'm not saying you're saying [ __ ] Okay. Bottom. What do you would you call that? Anus. The back. The rear.
>> The back door.
>> That's not the rectum.
>> The rectum is the anus. The open the hole is the anus. The rectum's inside the anus.
>> Yeah. Cuz >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> You can't get to the rectum without going.
>> The lines really blur with Patrick. I've seen it.
>> There's almost no distinction between his rectum and his anus. It's all kind of one. It's all one big kind of It's kind of like the Sarlac pit.
>> Why do you have to be such a [ __ ] nerd?
>> Why do you have to be such a [ __ ] nerd? You can't go one [ __ ] minute without saying, "Oh, that's like the Star Wars pit."
>> What have I ever said about Star Wars this episode?
>> Cinnabon. That reminds me of Leela's hair.
>> Who the hell is Leela, bro?
>> Or Leila's hair. Princess Lea. Princess Leia's hair. I mean, this is what I mean, man. You can't just let this [ __ ] [ __ ] go just cuz I get the names wrong cuz I'm not a stupid nerd.
>> You're not a stupid nerd. I know more about >> You are a stupid I walked in >> I know more about that than math.
>> Exactly. So you're a stupid nerd. A stupid nerd. You're not even a smart nerd. I walked in today and you were playing Star Wars Battlefront, the older one, which is a game for baby little babies for babies. It has mature themes.
>> You had it on like like 1078 by 475.
That's the game.
>> You had it stretched and you were just sitting there clicking. You were missing every shot.
>> I was not missing every shot.
>> I knew that.
>> Actually, that that map was bad.
>> He missed every He missed every shot.
>> Oh, no. No.
>> Every day. When was the last time you went >> That map that map was Okay, first of all, that map was broken because I've have a mod installed and I was supposed to in open it from >> You should get a frog installed.
>> Why would I get a frog installed >> to block your mouth on where your tongue is so that I can Frog frog in your throat.
>> A frog in your throat. You should get a frog installed.
>> You should get a brain implant so you can speak better.
>> That [ __ ] hurts, man. You >> It would hurt to get a brain.
>> You knew that would hurt to say that to me.
>> I had not even >> And you just let it go.
>> You need a little trigger discipline with these insults.
>> Let it go.
>> Back to Frozen. Jonathan Gra famously gay.
>> Jonathan Gruff.
>> Mhm.
>> If I find If I find out another one of my idols is gay, >> his last name is frog backwards. If I find out another one of my idols is gay, I'm gonna kill myself.
>> But yeah, when was the last time you went a whole day without thinking about Star Wars? Like without it even entering your head at any point in the day?
>> I don't know.
>> I knew.
I knew it.
>> All right, let's talk Carl Lift.
>> No.
>> Why?
>> I don't even want to [ __ ] talk about it.
>> Why?
>> You said no.
>> Deeply upsetting.
>> How's that deeply upsetting? So, for the listeners at home, we were thinking of what to do for today's episode. And >> welcome to the 13th hour, by the way.
>> This is the 13th hour. We're thinking of what to do for today's episode. And I suggested that we take a camera outside and each of us tries to lift Caleb's car.
>> Yeah. Lift it up.
>> Lift it up from the trunk or the front >> or the side.
>> Side. I was going to do the side. I was going to do the I was going to do the front cuz I was going to try it up. You would have [ __ ] ruined my car.
>> Well, yeah. That's why I want It's definitely >> Oh, would it be harder from the side or that? Cuz I guess it's a shorter lever, right? If you're from the side, it's like >> And we would have exper Yeah, there could be pissed off we didn't even get to try.
We could have each tried each of the four sides.
>> How is that an episode of push it up?
>> We're talking throughout it. I thought you would NOT BE ABOUT WHAT >> ABOUT YOU WOULD commentate about it.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, it looks like Cameron's about to lift up the car from the side.
Nobody would comment. You would not be anywhere close to lifting up the carpet to say it. We would have to say it and commentate on it. It's the same thing as sports radio.
>> I don't think but no, we people don't listen to this show because of they're going to hear a sport happen.
>> People listen because they are under the impression that someday someone's going to lift a car on a podcast. Nobody has been listening for years.
>> I guarantee you'll see the comments under here. We wanted to see the car lift. Please do the car lift. The thing is I know they will [ __ ] hate Caleb.
>> What do you mean?
>> I know they will say that, but I just know that I'm saving them from probably what would have been the worst. It would have been 10 minutes. You can't do that for an hour.
>> You would be 10 minutes if we press the stop button after 10 minutes.
>> You >> No, we'd record for an hour like we always do.
>> You two would get tired. You would get too tired. Okay. But then we can talk about how we're tired and we can >> listen. He's He's saying you too cuz he's too afraid to even try to lift the car cuz I don't want to break my car.
>> You're not going to break your car.
>> I would have broke it.
>> We might break the car.
>> Yeah, we would break it. Probably first try would have lifted it.
>> Also, he was like, "Well, I'm going to have to cover." Yeah. And then he was also like, "I actually can't park the car in front of the office."
>> You said that.
>> No, you said we said it. I said it's a bus stop. And then this is exactly what Kale said.
asked me if we could park it there.
>> And then what Caleb said was, "No, I can't park it for more than 20 minutes."
>> I said, "Roughly 20 minutes." Because they get that they get that.
>> Then we drive the car to a different spot and try to lift it there.
>> You just ask about it and think about it. We could have drove We could have driven the car to I don't know, maybe like a hill and then see, oh, maybe lift it up from your car was covered in green mold a month ago >> and it's cleaned. I clean the entire crab over is not going to put mold on it.
>> I'm not worried about I'm not worried about the mold. I'm worried about it being destroyed.
>> It's not going to get destroyed.
>> And here's the thing. You I'm saving you. You would feel bad about it instantly. You would smile and then I would be mad at you >> about what if either of you destroyed the car.
>> You don't think that we would both smile and jump up and down and cheer if one of us lifted up?
>> If one of us lifted the car, we would be so happy. You would be crying podcast in the world. It would be the best thing ever episode. It would have been so good.
>> It would have been so gonna happen.
>> How? It's not going to happen.
>> It's going to happen next week.
>> If you want to buy a car, go a >> We're not going to buy a car for this unless somebody wants to donate a smart car.
>> Okay. So, if you don't want to buy No, not a smart car doesn't count, by the way.
>> It counts. I guess we have to lift a go-kart or a dishwasher. That's how that is.
>> That would actually also be cool.
>> That would be such a good episode. The sequel episode, lifting a dishwasher. We could just see how many things we can lift.
>> Podcast about lift.
>> That is not and that would be the episode title.
>> That is not a podcast about lift. That would be the episode title and not a podcast. We'd record ourselves talking.
>> I'm starting to think I'm wrong.
>> You are wrong.
>> But no, I'm not.
>> You are wrong. I'm right.
>> You're wrong. You're completely wrong.
>> You can't lift my car. And if you try, there's going to be hell to pay.
>> Just park.
>> Going to I'm going to try and lift it. I don't care.
>> I'm never driving to the office again.
>> And you know what he did? He g He let his wife take the car so that he couldn't >> She had to go to work. Oh, she has to go to work. She can't take up to his wife.
He can't stand up to his wife. He can't He can't leave the house without asking her.
>> This is what you should have done. Put your foot down. Say, "No, I need the car cuz my friends are going to lift it to the >> And you and make sure to get all your [ __ ] out of the trunk because that'll it has to be a completely empty.
>> I just cleaned out the >> I know that if he did bring the car, he would have filled up the trunk with cinder blocks so he wouldn't lift it.
view in the episode be like open up the car.
Yeah.
>> Why don't we take out the seats when we try to lift it, too?
>> You can't take the seats out.
>> That would be a good idea.
>> Oh my god. Sit in the seats while we record.
>> There's so many variables. There's so many variables that we could just test throughout the whole episode.
>> I [ __ ] love testing.
>> It's been taken away from me.
>> Honestly, honestly, it's asinine that we cannot do this.
>> Thank you for saying that.
>> It's completely asinine.
What? What? Um, >> okay. I'm going to lift your computer right now.
>> I don't I don't care.
>> And I'm going to lift Well, I What do you care about that?
>> I don't care about anything.
>> I'm going to lift something you care about.
>> Try and lift me right now.
>> Okay.
>> No, wait. Don't cuz that actually wouldn't be a good podcast.
>> Yeah, actually would neither WOULD LIFTING THE CAR.
>> ANYONE who was excited about seeing that just now, sorry, but it just wouldn't make >> Neither would lifting the car.
I lifted him. It would have been bad. It would have been I guess we'll never know.
>> We'll never know because somebody didn't want to bring their big red car.
>> Listen, I'm not saying >> somebody didn't want to bring their big red car.
>> It's a Ford Focus. It's not that big.
I'm not saying that >> we could try with different bumper stickers on it.
>> The bumper stickers. The bumper stickers affect the hood. Let's see if a magnet on the hood will affect it.
>> You can't put [ __ ] on my [ __ ] car.
Start it with a full tank of gas and we'll let his the gas out as it will drain it.
>> When I got TO DRIVE HOME, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
>> Put it in a tank.
>> You don't gas.
>> I know how to siphon gas.
>> Show me with my finger.
>> Like that.
>> That's not You suck. You sucked on it.
>> I suck. Think of it as a tube.
>> Okay. Siphon my energy drink out of the straw.
>> E man. See, I siphoned it. You asked me to. WHY AM I IN trouble now?
>> Because you [ __ ] >> He's right. You can't get him in trouble for that.
>> You're not in I don't I'm not going to get you in trouble.
>> You're trying. You're trying.
>> Do I still drink? Yeah.
>> You're trying to get me in trouble. I'm not trying to get I don't care if you're in trouble or not.
>> That was not siphoning, though.
>> That was siphoning.
>> That wasn't siphoning.
>> You hold it. You hold it until it comes up and then you let go and then it all comes out and continue. But you need a you need a two different levels.
>> You need to go like this. You go. You suck it out.
>> How was I going to do that with one simple straw?
>> How would I say you had to do it?
>> You said do it right now. And so I did it. Now I'm in trouble.
>> Don't get him in trouble.
>> You're not in any trouble.
>> Keep him out of trouble.
>> You're in zero trouble. I have no I am not I'd like to say publicly you're not in any trouble with me.
>> Okay.
>> With me. I don't know if anyone else but you.
>> Listen. He is trying to get you in trouble. He's trying to get me in trouble with other people. He's trying to make you think you're in trouble with other people.
>> Then he'll think then he'll make me think that lifting a car will get me in trouble.
>> Yeah. It's not going to get you in trouble.
>> It would definitely get you in trouble to lift a car.
>> Stop trying to make it not get me in trouble to lift a car. I know that that would break. That would cause trouble.
>> If there's a baby kid under the car, >> there wouldn't be. And you wouldn't be the daddy anyway or the mama.
>> I'm never going to have a kid.
>> Well, I'm not. I didn't say that either.
You're putting words in my mouth. First, I'm getting you in trouble. Second, I'm saying you're never going to be a daddy or a mama. I'm >> I mean, maybe it's I Maybe for you, it has to be your kid, but like personally, I think me and Pat like kids enough that it doesn't have to be our kid under the car to be able to lift it to save them.
>> It could be a child actor.
>> You like kids enough?
>> Yeah. I'm just like I want to save a kid.
>> You don't like having kids?
>> I don't like having kids.
>> I don't give a [ __ ] about a kid under a car if it ain't mine. I'm just saying Pat, you have no chance at lifting the car. What worries me about this whole prospect is the idea.
>> You're really, it's not about whether It's not about it's being done, it's the activity, >> the joy. Haven't you ever had happiness doing something with your friend?
>> Okay. Okay. Okay.
>> Whether or not I've had joy with Okay. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Whether or not I've had joy with my >> Oh, you're muted. Sorry.
>> Whether or not joy with my friends is completely irrelevant to this conversation.
>> It's relevant. It's the whole conversation.
>> It's not.
>> Lifting up a car would bring us joy.
>> It wouldn't bring me joy. It would not be unanimous joy. It would be a split.
Do you have any more slides or >> Those are all my slides. I had a run.
>> That's Fred Claus.
>> That's not Fred. Fred Claus is not part of my slideshow.
>> That's your final slide.
>> My slideshow was a red herring to show that you don't have the money, the strength, or the guts. I have the money.
>> You don't have the gumption.
>> I literally just talked about how I made money, but it's trapped. I have trapped money.
>> So, okay. Once if you can gamble, I'll give you this. If you can gamble from two, what's your balance right now?
$240.
>> 220. cuz I put a I put a parlay down to get the money.
>> Okay. So, if you get from $220 to $750, I will give you three attempts at lifting my car on a day of your choice.
>> What about me?
>> You I already know you can do it. If you touch the car, I'll drive away. And I get to be in the car.
>> No.
>> You're going to kill us for causing this.
>> I'm not going to drive it.
>> You are. You just said if I touch the car, you'll drive away.
>> Yeah. If you touch it, I'm not going to drive according to our our Drive a wedge between us.
>> You are. That's what this is.
>> It's not about me. I'm not trying to >> trying. That was that drive.
>> Uhhuh. A wedge >> between.
>> Yeah. I The only thing that there was the car >> us.
>> The wedge. Us. What part of like a bus?
>> What part of a car? The bottom lifts.
>> What?
>> Wedge.
>> A wedge.
>> Yes. I get But why are you doing I get this because we're talking about a car.
But why are you doing a wedge? That's a wedge.
>> And why are you doing between? Yeah, but where is this in a car? What is that?
Corn.
>> Wedge.
>> Cheese.
>> Wedge of cheese.
>> Wedge of cheese.
>> But why does a wedge of cheese have anything to do with over?
>> I get that you're saying you're trying to comm.
>> No.
>> Okay.
I DON'T
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