This podcast episode explores the complex challenges faced by indigenous and minority cultures when confronted with dominant cultures, examining how cultural identity is preserved or lost through assimilation, and discussing the tension between maintaining cultural traditions and adapting to mainstream society. The hosts discuss how conquered peoples often struggle to hold onto their cultural roots while facing pressure to assimilate, and how cultural practices like face tattoos serve as a form of storytelling and identity preservation. The conversation also touches on how geographic and economic factors influence cultural preservation, and how modern society's treatment of cultural practices can either support or undermine cultural identity.
Young Butt Ep 73 Asleep on a ForkliftHinzugefügt:
I'd fight you if I didn't feel so bad right now.
>> No, you wouldn't.
>> You'll never know. I guess we'll never know.
>> On my worst day, you couldn't wipe me.
>> You'd be better off trying >> You'd be better off trying to lip kiss a You'd be Wait, wait, wait. You'd be better off trying to butt a wild cat in a telephone booth than with me, right?
>> I don't think that'd be even that hard, dude. Once you kill it.
>> Oh, you're going to necro a wild cat.
>> Yeah, dude. That's how you do it.
>> Necro.
>> If you got anything on the line and it's like, but you got to this cat in the telephone booth. immediately break my >> wild cat. A bobcat.
>> Oh, a big cat.
>> Yeah.
>> Do I have anything or it's just my hands?
>> You were in a telephone booth.
>> Oh, that's >> Even if you had a rifle.
>> Yeah. What are you going to do?
>> I don't think you could buck it.
>> Do you think you could Could you dominate a Lynx?
>> Well, that would just That's an equal match. So, it's possible. It's a 50-50.
>> Oh, 50/50 it.
>> I am the wildat in the telephone.
>> I think I could beat a Lynx in a small area.
>> That dude, you've never been close to one in your life. I think it's I'd be scared, but if it's life or death, >> especially a lynx. Bobcat's smaller than lyns, and bobcats alone are scary. I've seen traps because you don't have to freaking it. Meows, but it's more of a screech meow. And that that is intimidating. And it's got claws. But if I just freaking could grab it, I think I'd get scratched up pretty good. But >> no, you would get up.
>> You think it'd kill me? No way, dude.
>> They probably kill most people.
>> Just kicking. Have you ever tried to do that to a >> It's a telephone pole. I got like 100 lbs on this mother.
>> That's not enough.
>> 30 lb cat versus 130.
>> Razor sharp claws and it's biting you.
You grab it by the throat, it's biting your hand already temporary and then it's ripping temporary.
>> Your arm is going to be out of commission almost immediately.
>> The fact that you don't even have any belief. It's It's 100 pounds lighter than I am. I'm killing that.
>> Doesn't matter, dude.
>> Dude, it does. So, you're telling me if I had claws and and cat-like reflexes, I'd beat you?
>> Yeah.
>> No, I wouldn't. No, you would.
>> You just grab me, dude.
>> What if you had four daggers or three?
>> Telephone is like this is the table space, dude. Like, where are you going that I can't grab a hold of you once I can get you?
>> That's the problem.
>> It's just scratching everywhere, >> dude. And it's You're probably bleeding out so quick, >> dude. I'm smashing the face in.
>> You can you can try.
>> I'm grabbing the the telephone just >> and then it gets down here and it's chewing on your ankles.
>> Am I naked, too, or I got pants on. Can I sweatshirt up?
>> No, you don't get to add prote. It's just like where >> it's just like what I'm in right now. I still think I could do it.
>> Oh god, I hate being sick.
>> Podcast episode 73. Sleep on a forklift.
>> Mhm.
>> 73. Who's excited? You are. You tuned in. You're excited. Stoked.
>> How many is that?
>> It's more than 72. Tell you what.
>> Are you sure it is 73? Huh?
>> It is 7, Dude. I'm always right, dude.
>> What two numbers add up to 73?
72 and one.
>> A 70 and three.
>> 70 and three. How about 71 and two? We could do this all day.
>> How about 32 and >> 31?
Just kidding. 41. It's 41. It's 41. I'm spaced out. Yeah. Been 62. That would >> You need to wake the [ __ ] up, >> dude. I've been sick for a week.
>> Don't drink a heel.
>> No. E. Those have been in the fridge for so long.
>> Yeah, they don't go bad.
>> Oh, they're nasty looking though, dude.
I look at them and I go, that looks disgusting. Fuels can't go bad >> cuz there's nothing real in a fuel.
>> It's just motor oil. It's used motor oil that they [ __ ] put into a bottle.
>> They're like, "Drink this. You'll like it. Here, we're going to sponsor an influencer.
>> It's fuel. Come on. Come on."
>> Oh, did I tell you? They text me back.
>> Oh, what' they say?
>> They were like, "Did you enjoy it?" And I was just like, >> "Send them the clip."
>> That would have been good.
>> They would have been like, "Oh, no, you didn't."
>> Like, "We're suing you.
>> We would have rather you not post that."
>> Yeah. Well, I would have rather you not sent me that [ __ ] >> You got 11,000 views. You like that?
>> You're a fan of that [ __ ] >> I'm a heel man now.
>> And I'll be a heel man if heel gives me [ __ ] >> money, dude. I will switch up for you.
>> He'll if he'll give me five grand, >> dude. 100 bucks.
>> Nah, >> you would switch over 100,000.
>> Five grand. Five grand.
>> Oh, you went up.
>> Five grand. That's what I said.
>> I thought you said one grand.
>> Damn, dude.
>> I don't know. Maybe two grand. I do it.
No, no, no, no. Five grand sounds good.
I could buy a thermal with that.
>> Thank you, Heel.
>> That's my floor.
Thank you. Here's >> the thermal button.
>> My night vision and my thermal on >> and then you can kill the CEO.
>> Yeah.
>> Not that we're saying you should >> or that we advocate for anyone doing that.
>> We're just saying if you had a thermal, you could do that at night. You You'd be way easier to get away with it because people >> CEO of Hule, >> what's his name?
>> Or her. We don't know.
>> I bet it's a guy.
>> I bet it's a guy, too. It's a It's a protein powder, dude. Of course it's a guy.
>> You could find James McMaster. James McMaster. His name is James McMaster.
>> James McMaster.
>> McMaster.
>> McMaster.
>> That's not a real name, dude. That's like a That's a WWE name.
>> McMaster.
>> Where do you think he lives?
>> East Coast or Utah. There's a lot of There's a lot of drink CEOs out of Utah now for some reason.
>> This is a American Roman Catholic newspaper editor from 1800. So that's not him.
McMaster was a Roman newspaper editor.
>> James McMaster home address.
>> You ever notice how many energy drinks or just drinks in general are coming out of Utah?
>> No, dude. They love their drinks as long as they're non-alcoholic. For some reason, you can trick God.
>> They won't drink coffee, but they're just like, "Let's [ __ ] >> sodas chemicals."
>> Like, your body's a temple. And they're like, "Well, let's mix [ __ ] milk and Dr. Pepper and that doesn't count anymore."
>> That doesn't It's not there. Caffeine's diluted by the dairy.
>> Yeah. I don't know what it is with [ __ ] Mormons, but >> And dude, bucked up was such a lame thing, too.
>> Bucked up. I knew a few guys in college who had bucked up sponsorships and it's just like >> like kai deals.
>> Yeah.
>> For bucked up.
>> For bucked up.
>> Were they getting like how much money were they making?
>> Like they were just getting free supplements.
>> It's so lame.
>> I don't know. I've never been like a Oh, dude. You know what? I need to work out a [ __ ] thing that helps me get a pump on and gives me caffeine.
>> I don't need >> You know what I need? I just I just go do it.
>> A will to go do it.
>> Yeah. Like the hardest to get in my opinion, >> dude. If I don't have the will to do it and I get caffeinated out, I'll just have a really hard time on the couch.
Just be shaking.
>> No, no, no.
>> There's like some [ __ ] There's some of those they have like beta alanine in it and they make your [ __ ] itch. Like hard. Like rip a [ __ ] hole in your [ __ ] >> That's why the Mormons give it to you.
They're like, "You don't want to touch this.
>> You don't want to do it. It's a It's a It's like a >> reverse psychology."
>> No. Uh, what's the training? My heart's rigor. My heart's doing rigorous uh It's Gage's joke. Resistance training.
>> Resistance training.
>> Yeah, it's resistance training because all you're doing is thinking about your butthole, but you can't.
>> You got to never think about the butthole.
>> Oh, I see.
>> I see. No, I think Mormons go for butthole sometimes.
>> Well, no. Brigham, you're telling me [ __ ] Brigham Y. Young never went after some butt.
>> They got to be young.
>> Yeah, he was loving >> young butt. YB.
>> The butt's for the young ones.
>> That's what they have out in Mormon country. Some YB.
>> Some young butt.
>> There ain't a single YN in Mormon country, but there's a lot of YB.
>> YB. Dude, there's a lot of YB out there.
Q YB, too. Blondhaired, blue-eyed YB.
>> Apparently, when they were first when they first came around, >> the Mormons were ugly as [ __ ] You ever heard about this, Mark Twain?
>> How' they How' they switch it up? I don't know. trick tricking people probably.
>> I feel like they have the boat they have the best like missions with like Polynesians though and not nothing against the Polyn okay >> I think they're big they're large >> you know what's weird they're ugly but then you go to Hawaii and you're like >> some some Polynesian girls are hot dude Moana >> but it's like per island >> Pearl Island.
>> No it's like per island.
>> Oh >> like Hawaiian >> kind of sexy. Uh what's uh what's New Zealanders?
>> Samoans.
>> Yeah, Samoans are >> New Zealand. Uh >> New Zealand is not great.
>> Yeah, dude. The haka, >> dude. Why you see they're closing down [ __ ] parliament?
>> New Zealand parliament.
>> I did not see that.
>> They just keep hakaing.
>> Oh, they Oh, yeah. I did. I do know.
>> The white people that are trying to get [ __ ] done are like, "Can you [ __ ] stop, please?"
>> In the end, well, they're getting their rights revoked, dude.
>> And have you seen that video? She's like ripping the thing in half.
I know.
>> It's like, "Hey, make a case that you're univilized real quick."
>> Oh, no.
>> What?
>> I mean, yeah. I mean, >> that's [ __ ] Dude, it is.
>> It's not a way to do It's not how you go about it in a modern society.
>> No, you get your face tattoos removed.
First off, >> that is nuts, too, dude. That it's like face tattoos, you've always been told.
Very bad. But like our See, I don't want to go down this route.
>> Our natives, >> but like Yeah. At least the uh Alaskan natives, they'll get like the freaking teardrops and whatnot. And then as an employer, you you have to be like, "Well, that's a cultural thing.
>> It's like a workaround." No, no, no.
Like the [ __ ] >> like a bunch of them, like the diamonds and whatnot. And the chin ones. I don't like the chin ones either. And the big earlobe. Who's that for?
>> Why is it always that cultures that have been completely decimated by other people have like [ __ ] [ __ ] you know? I don't know. It's like a little get back, dude.
>> You got to hold on to it. You know, the conqueror the conqueror just >> No. In actuality, in actuality, let's be let's be [ __ ] frank here. If this was any other Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Let's be an Frank. That's kind of where we're getting to with this. If this was any other time in history, if it had not been right at like the industrial revolution, like more of the advent of where like [ __ ] could be written down more easily and just like like a I guess kind of like a cultural awakening.
>> The reason they write on their face is because they tell the story through their face.
>> That is them writing it down.
>> No, no, no. You're not you're not following.
>> There's going to be more to the point.
>> Okay. Okay.
>> There's going to be more to the point.
Well, mine's funny, too. It's genocide.
>> You just didn't let me get to it. any other time in history they all would have been killed.
And now like their get back at us is like to be like and it's like no we let you live.
>> Like it's >> you're alive. You're welcome.
>> It's not like I mean I'm not saying that's right. Like we should have killed them all. I'm just saying like >> it's insane to like when you're shown mercy to be like >> we're not going to be like you. It's like okay >> that's fine. I you don't got to be like me.
>> No. It's just like you're given the opportunity to assimilate and then I don't know. It's just like the whole like >> I think it's hard to assimilate though because you you obviously look different and then you go home and cultural differences >> in in some cases [ __ ] >> don't you want to hold on to like but you but like if you got conquered by the city the city comes out to the >> to Winslow conquer okay but like you want to hold on you hold on to your roots you know >> I'm wearing a t-shirt like what's >> Yeah, but you're still ripping the boots.
You still got the boots. Listen to country music. What if like City Conquers small town Winslow and they're like >> no more country music?
>> Then if it's that >> Well, I guess it's also >> you got to listen to pop.
>> It's also the question of like, are they going to kill me? And did they kill a bunch of my people?
>> The threat of death is is I mean, >> well, if if the threat of death is there, then yeah, I'll stop.
>> You're going to be a swifty.
>> I don't give a [ __ ] as long as I'm alive.
>> That would suck.
>> What you giving up first? Music >> or my life >> or your life? Yeah. Which one?
>> Dude, I don't even listen to music now.
Dude, if they take away NPR, I'm going to throw a fit. But right now, you can have all my music.
>> Okay. Music or talk show radios. Which one would you give up?
>> Well, okay. Obviously, I'm getting rid of talk show radio, but I'd be a little upset about it.
>> I kind of just want to break your >> And I wouldn't even have a forum to talk about it.
>> Yeah, you wouldn't. You wouldn't.
>> No. This just in a wrath of >> a wrath of savage city folk taking in small town Winslow. Oh no. Donate your car or they'll shut us down.
>> Dude, I listened to so much NPR today cuz I was driving around doing like a freaking housekeeping chore or whatever.
Not like for my car.
>> You know what? I want to something real quick. Bad take on the Indian thing. Bad take.
>> Good.
>> As I was thinking about it a little more.
>> Yeah, dude. [ __ ] let them enjoy their culture. It's like I'm more of like a like let's let nature I [ __ ] hate >> uh >> leave it there. You hate >> and it's okay but you can acknowledge that you hate.
>> I do hate but there is a thing there is a thing about it that I don't like.
There's an aspect of it where it's like come on.
>> Yeah. There's when you look at it and you go come on but there who am I to say you can't do that.
>> I'm not the authority on what you can and can't do.
>> I don't think they should. If they want to so be it. It's just kind of [ __ ] But >> I think you can't get mad at me for looking though cuz I stare.
>> No. And I'll be like, "That's retarded."
>> Yeah, I get to do that now. The ocean bites. I told you about this a long time ago from No, dude. Freaking something got me in the ocean.
>> Yeah.
>> And it stung me. No, but NPR, they're getting [ __ ] lazy, dude. I heard the same story about the word wash.
>> Really? National Public Radio is getting lazy.
>> Yeah, dude. They were like >> entitled rich liberals are getting lazy.
>> It's Yeah, it's it's bad, dude. It's going to be why people This is why people are tuning off of NPR, dude.
Yeah, because well it's I mean chicken or the egg if you really think about it.
Six.
>> Dude, I listened to the explanation on why some people on the East Coast say wash instead of wash three times today.
>> Let me guess. Let me guess. Wash. That's like It comes from like over the ocean.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Close. Who you like?
>> Uh Scottish.
>> Yeah. Come on, dude. That's freaking You're insane. You don't even need NPR.
>> Yeah.
>> You don't even need NPR. That was nuts, dude.
>> I'm genuinely impressed by that. No, >> that's my NVR.
>> Do you know what I was pissed off about today? Cuz I was uh I went to go get to USPS to get the mailbox put back on >> and I the >> Oh, yeah. Thanks for doing that. I got a t-shirt coming.
>> Yeah, but there's a USPS right next to the place I had to get my exhaust checked. So, I was like, "Oh, two birds, one stone. I'll get the thing. I'll get the thing." And I go in there.
>> I was just over at the exhaust place.
>> Yeah. Well, that there's So, you saw the UPS that's right there?
>> I could have done it. USPS.
>> USPS. That's right there. So, I walk in there. I'm like, "Can I change this? Can you guys turn this back on?" And they went, "No, we're not your We're not your store. Your store is over there."
>> USPS sucks balls.
>> I was like, "It's a computer. Just say I live there." You can just say, "Hey, he's here."
>> Oh, yeah. We got him. Fred Rig. You want to know why it sucks? Huh, >> Mr. Liberal? Because it's a [ __ ] government entity. That's why it sucks balls.
>> I was so pissed off.
>> We have to pay for that [ __ ] >> You know who else is pissed off? Cuz I was talking to my I chatted with my mom on the car ride. She also didn't get it.
Miss Liberal herself was like, "No, that doesn't make any sense." Yeah.
>> So now we're both bitching about USPS in the car in my Subaru. Listen to NPR.
>> Like the government, like Godamn government.
>> Just two liberals being like, "The [ __ ] socialist [ __ ] network we set up sucks balls, huh?"
>> Yeah. Dude, >> I was pissed off though. It was just old lady, too, that had like the freaking beaded glasses thing.
>> Was she like pissy about it, too?
>> Not that I didn't really get her to a point where it was pissy. I was just like, "You can't just" and she's like, "I can't do that for I hate that she talks slow, too." It's like, "It's just me and you."
>> They also And then I went to the other one to get it fixed out and he's like, "Okay, let me check the back to see if you guys have mail." And then was gone for 15 minutes.
>> Yeah, dude. He's not incentivized by anything. He has a government job.
>> Give me the thing.
>> He can't be fired.
>> But this is pretty funny. I'm just waiting there and then I see this guy unloading like a bunch of little boxes, but they look heavy. So, I was like, "Yo, man. What are those?" Uh, and he's like, "Oh, these are dead bodies." And I looked closer. It's just like a [ __ ] ton of cre like cremate like 15 16 boxes of like cremated bodies.
>> He goes, "Yeah, these are from the Iraq war."
>> Yeah.
>> From the Iran, wherever the [ __ ] we are.
>> And then the US and then the USPS guy is like putting them in the back or because he's going to ship them. And I'm like, "Wow, they burned those guys, huh?" And he's like, "Yeah." And I'm like, "What?
They just lay them out in the sun?" And he was like, "What?"
And I was like, that was just I was making a hot joke and and then he went, "Oh, that's funny.
>> Comedian."
>> I was like, "Oh, [ __ ] me, dude."
>> Feeling all shitty in the USPS, dude.
>> He's like laughing so hard. And then he like adds some ashes to his water and just drinks it in front of you.
>> You go, "What's going on?"
>> And the guy comes out and he goes, "You got packages? Dead bodies."
>> And you're like, "But those aren't cremated yet." Oh no.
>> And he's like, "You just got to LAY OUT AND IT'S PHOENIX, >> DUDE." Walking around in like 90° and you unzip the bag and it's the old lady from before.
>> She's like, "No, >> this isn't your store.
>> What am I doing?"
>> You know what's more [ __ ] up is that the USPS I was at and the USPS that I had to go to 10 minutes apart.
>> Oh yeah.
>> Right next to each other. It's like, can you just [ __ ] let me just type it in the computer?
>> Fun fact. Two fun I got two fun facts.
USPS orientated. In order for something to become a town, >> it has to have a post office in order to get a zip code. Fun fact, or it's a unincorporated village.
>> Uhhuh.
>> Which >> maybe the natives are winning.
>> And number two, no one can put anything in your mailbox unless they're USPS.
>> It's illegal.
>> What about you?
>> UPS.
>> Can't even touch it. If they touch it, it's like a federal crime.
>> So they have to go on the freaking That's why they go doorstep.
>> Mhm. Because like >> or they make their own >> the mailbox, I'm pretty sure is not even your property.
>> No, it's federal. Yeah, >> you're not allowed to damage the mailbox.
>> They have like a [ __ ] plan. The USPS has a plan like if we have a nuclear war to get mail back up and running in like 2 months or some [ __ ] >> Damn.
>> Yeah, >> that's pretty cool.
>> Would it happen? [ __ ] no.
>> No, dude. They'd be so slow. They'd be like, "Sorry, this isn't actually your location. Your mail's 10 minutes down the road."
>> It's like Fallout.
>> Exactly, dude. And now you have to walk.
>> You have a photo ID.
>> This doesn't look like you in the photo.
It's like, yeah, my skin's [ __ ] sheared off, >> dude. This is completely charred.
>> You know what's really funny to me about the freaking uh crementation people, too, is that the boxes full like uh packers tape around everything. Hey, >> you don't want that leaking.
>> No.
>> You ever see the videos where people are just like putting out like people's ashes out in like public, which is also illegal, like public ponds and stuff.
>> You can't do that.
>> No.
>> It's just like dust. It's just ash. It's carbon.
>> Maybe >> let live in that lie. The other thing about >> what if it's a little What if it's dirty?
>> It's burnt, dude.
>> Yeah, but what if it's dirty?
>> Nothing survives 3,000 degrees FHE.
>> I watched a body get burned one time.
>> Was it like the movies when it was like >> Also, how how do you know that's your guy?
>> What?
>> Like you don't know that that's your guy, right?
>> I mean, what do you think? They're like real sloppy about it.
>> I don't know. It's just like you're shoveling ash. I think you get lazy, dude. You do that how many times? How many bodies every day you're going to get lazy?
>> I don't I feel like that's one thing where you're kind of like let's have some reverence for this.
>> Nah, but you do anything a thousand times thousand like >> at shoveling a human.
>> I don't think it's probably not even shoveling. I bet there's an automated process.
>> It just blows it into a bag.
>> It could. There's a fan. Yeah, that would honestly be way easier. But then it's going to get stuck in a corner.
>> What do you think they did with all the ash from ashwitz?
>> Fertilizer.
>> I think they're growing [ __ ] now.
>> We're like trees. Oh, really?
>> I'd hope so. I think that's a fun way to do it.
>> We better count how many [ __ ] trees are trees.
>> How many trees are out there in the [ __ ] >> minimum? Well, I think it takes a 100 Jews for one tree.
>> 100 Jews to >> Yeah. So, there has to be now like 600,000 trees. And there's lots of forests out in Poland. Yeah.
>> Eastern Europe.
>> Yeah. That weren't Yeah. They they might have been there before.
>> I mean, I don't know if any of this >> you counted there was never even 600,000 trees in Poland.
>> This used to be a wheat field.
We're going to make matzah.
>> There you go. Those are swimming Those aren't swimming pools. Those were reservoir tanks for the trees we know were going to be planted one day.
>> Oh my god.
>> Look how luscious and beautiful it is here.
>> Yeah. Amazing. Anyway, here's the gift shop at Ashawitz. Learn that. There's a gift shop at Ashawitz.
>> And you can't cut down any of our trees.
>> This is a sacred forest.
>> And all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
>> That's a crazy That would be so >> Who's got two thumbs and went to the Holocaust Museum? This guy.
>> Yeah, I'd get one of those, >> dude. I'd buy that at a thrift store.
>> Oh, yeah. That's a great thrifting.
>> Amazing. We should make that t-shirt.
>> Yeah, dude. That's the merch. Podcast merch.
>> Do you want to see that?
>> What's like the little What's the thing?
Is it just the asleep on the forklift logo in the middle?
>> No, it's not affiliated.
>> That's how we get big right there. That merch.
>> Anti-Semitic merch.
>> It's not even anti-semitic.
>> Where is anything in that like bad?
>> I mean, you're kind of making fun of it.
You know what? No, you know, it's not.
It's we're actually spreading the message eyes to the the point >> and you can think about it in your sense and I'll think about it in my sense and we're [ __ ] good.
>> Any sense it's art. It can be interpreted.
>> What do they say? Any publicity is >> is good publicity.
>> Any publicity is uh >> gets the message out.
>> Controlled by the Jews. Yeah, you're right.
>> That's the one you were going for. They have a lot of them.
>> Publicity is >> Yeah. Not a lot of Jews. I mean, you know, the Holocaust happened.
>> Yeah. Oh, did it?
>> It did.
>> We're making a shirt about it.
>> I saw this I saw this on Instagram. I read this the other day >> on the back. No, on the inside of it, it says, "Just kidding you."
>> Yeah, >> that'd be fun.
>> It's a fun shirt.
>> That is a fun shirt, too.
>> Imagine, >> imagine if uh there's kids in our pool and I don't know if they live here.
>> Should go kill them. We should go take them to the Mormons.
>> Joseph Smith, some YBS, >> young butt.
>> No, no, they're Mexican. Well, actually, the Mormons Mormons love a good mix.
>> Mormons love anybody >> besides join. Besides the Indians, I'll tell you that much.
>> Did they do some massacring? Let's get off the massacring.
>> They didn't like I'll tell you right now.
>> You had You know what's crazy? We both did car related things today.
>> Yeah.
>> How's it How's your oil change?
>> Expensive, >> dude. They're too expensive.
>> Oil change, tire rotation, uh alignment, air filter replacement, uh rear differential fluid replacement.
>> What was your price? Was price tag on it at the end?
>> $480.
>> Holy [ __ ] $500.
That's too much money, dude.
>> Well, I found a spare 1,600, so I said, "Let's just go bite the bullet real quick."
>> Look at that [ __ ] >> Bite the bullet. Where do you think that comes from?
>> Getting shot in the head.
>> No, you're kind of close though.
>> I don't know then.
>> It's getting shot like Civil War when they'd have to amputate your leg. They'd give you a bullet to bite on and you would >> I feel like you'd want freaking a piece of wood rather than a bullet.
>> No, cuz they didn't know what lead poisoning was back then.
>> I know. But still like you can't really sink your teeth into that. Like if I had a nice piece of wood.
>> So lead is so you never >> Oh the bullet. Oh, I'm thinking of a shell I think is my problem.
>> But brass is also not that hard.
>> I don't know. I just feel like I'd chip my tooth.
>> And now I got to amputate my thing and I got a chip tooth. I'm not doing that.
I'd say give me some ceda. I want some ceda.
>> Oh yeah. I chip my tooth >> as your legs.
>> You know what? Maybe it'd be good. like, "Ah, this is I'm going to sue you guys.
>> I hate you, General Custer.
>> My tooth. How am I going to get married now?"
>> I wonder like how into it they got when they were sawing a [ __ ] like >> You probably went fast, >> dude. Blood just buring everywhere.
>> No, they totally knew what they were doing.
>> Yeah, you were gone already.
>> They weren't just like >> Also, the injury that was already there.
Like, they're not amputating for no reason.
>> Germ Theory was not around yet, though, so they were just like Ah, >> this guy had AIDS, but that's fine.
>> Well, AIDS wasn't invented by the CIA yet. But >> I had to get an emission.
>> Let me I got to do some push-ups on this cow [ __ ] real quick.
>> Actually, you're going to eat this. Chew on this. We ran out of bullets. Eat this cow [ __ ] It's just grass.
>> It's grass and water, boy. Now, don't scream while I cut your legs off.
>> It'll give away our position.
>> I wouldn't scream. Five. $500 is a crazy amount, dude. My guys do it for 60 bucks, but I guess you did more.
>> Mine was so much more than that.
>> Yeah, you did. You also got a new car, dude. New car is bad.
>> Oh, yeah. At the >> I think whoever's [ __ ] >> Whoever's doing [ __ ] >> Old car is better.
>> What the [ __ ] up? Yeah, old car is way better.
>> There's just nothing. There's not a lot going on.
>> The older you go back, they're just like >> easier to fix >> and it's like better gas mileage.
>> Mhm. And they they just freaking know how to do it. I'm in and out.
>> Yeah. They go, "This is an old car."
>> Yeah. Boom. You're done. Look at that.
>> We need to put oil in it. Turns out you don't need it.
>> It's fine.
>> I always think that. I'm like, >> do I need >> cuz I don't know how engines work.
>> So, I'm like, do I really need oil? I know it lubricates [ __ ] I found this out. Was that your car where it was like, yeah, lubricates the [ __ ] tires and [ __ ] too.
>> I think so. Probably. My car breaking down. And then I take it to the guys and they go, "Fix that [ __ ] up for $150."
And I go, "Hell yeah." And they're like, "Yeah, we replaced everything. $150."
>> You should have gone in and been like, "I got this new Toyota Tacoma."
>> I know. My guys [ __ ] love me. But they're out in Tempe. That's what I do.
That's my stride. I know nothing about cars, but I know people.
>> Yeah, fair. I tried to Well, I was trying to get to know the people, but I was so goddamn tired. I was just like, I'm going to sit in this reclining. It was so funny cuz it was like, >> "Yeah, your place looked nice."
>> But it was local. That's like the reason I went in there. And it was like oil change. $69.99.
>> Little do you know.
>> Yeah. $500.
>> They didn't upsell me because I was like, I know I need to get my rear diff fluid redone.
>> Got to get everything done.
>> Yeah. My parents are like, "Here, we know you're struggling with money.
Here's a brand new four-wheel drive truck." And not to be a [ __ ] about it, but I'm going to [ __ ] about it. But it's like now it gas mileage, [ __ ] repairs and [ __ ] or maintenance.
>> Disgusting. Your dad texted me uh the other day. This is what I wanted to tell you.
>> What' he say?
>> After the show, we did the show out in uh Winslow and we you were selling the tickers.
>> Stand up on the corner.
>> Stand up on the corner. Hey, there's going to be another one in like three months. Come through. But you know the stickers you owed me $50 >> for the stickers?
>> No, no, no. But you owed me $50. You're you're saying I sold stickers. I get up there. I'm like, "Hey everybody, he owes me $50, so please buy stickers. He'll pay me back."
>> Your dad texts me and goes, "Hey, >> Fred, I'm just checking in. You I know you heard I cut Michael off. Has he paid you back that $50 or do I have to start paying him again?" And I had to be like I had to be like pay him.
>> No. I was like, "Cody, I was just messing around. He never owed me money.
I just wanted to sell stickers, >> man.
>> Oh, dude. I know what to do.
>> And my dad gave you like $70 that night.
>> Every time I see my dad, I clean them out for >> How much cash you got in that wallet?
>> Yeah. I'm like, "Hey, uh, can you buy me some beer?"
>> Come on. Well, you paid for the beers.
>> Yeah.
>> Bart tab. But I only bought one beer with the money that you get you had that we had from selling tickets. Everybody else was just buying us beers.
>> Really?
>> Yeah.
>> Every time I'd go up there, somebody would be getting a refill and they'd be like, "Kick ass, you were funny."
>> Wow. Let me get you some beers.
>> You was that Jew that we all hate.
>> Dude, I thought it was so funny, dude.
Half your [ __ ] set up top is just [ __ ] all over me.
>> It's the easiest thing to do. Everyone loves it.
>> Every time you say something, they all turn around and just look at me and I have to be like, "Yeah, that's me."
>> Oh, yeah. I'm Jewish.
>> I am. Yeah. I'm the guy he's talking about. And they're like, "That's so funny. That's you're funny cuz he's we saw him and now we're seeing you."
>> Like, yeah. They little do they know it's like I've gotten so much practice doing that in the past three years. I'm just like not even like oh wow he's just coming up with this on the fly. It's like these are all riffs I've done.
>> I got everything for these ones.
>> I hit one [ __ ] pretty good little riff though >> on me which >> on the Jews a not you but just on the Jews cuz we were talking about how there's like no Asians in Winslow. And then someone was like but what about the Jews? And I was like no the Asians. And he was like no like the jet like the guy that owns the [ __ ] jet Jew the guy that owns Mojo. And I was like, "Oh, yeah, that is weird. Our only Asian family in town is called Our only Asian family's last name is Jew." And I was like, "Honestly, only Jews I've ever liked."
>> Oh, >> I did. I was there for that. That was good.
>> I loved it, dude. It >> was fun riffing around.
>> I need to watch my set. See if I can clip that.
>> I know. I got a little clippy. Did okay.
>> It looked crystal clear. Audio kind of [ __ ] But >> also also I was watching it. I made it super [ __ ] sick. I just couldn't sleep cuz I was like refusing to do Nyquil. So I just kept coughing. I gave it up after that. I was like I'm doing Nyquil every night now. I've slept 12 hours every night.
>> Nightquil is fun to take even when you're nuts.
>> Yeah, dude. You need a You need 12 hours.
>> Yeah, >> you got nothing to do.
>> What the [ __ ] the active ingredient in that? It makes you like hallucinate and see the hatman.
>> I don't know. [ __ ] fun [ __ ] though.
>> Yeah, >> great [ __ ] dude. I just pass out, dude.
I'll take a nightquil. 30 minutes later, I am asleep for 12 hours.
>> My freshman year of college, there was this this guy. You met him? Jason? Mhm.
>> He like loved taking Nyquil >> just to go to bed.
>> No. Like >> 10 times the recommended dose.
>> Oh Jesus. That's not good.
>> And just like getting like high out of his mind, but he did it one time and then we had to go on a run for wrestling.
>> Threw up so much.
>> I don't doubt it. I just hate how big I hate how big the pills are.
>> Yeah, dude. Well, it's like you got >> this pill makes me feel great. I'd rather you give me six smaller sized pills.
>> I would, honestly. You're talking. Yeah, dude. I would like that. little tiny ones.
>> This is too many pills. Actually, >> the problem is they make the pill too big. Like if you're taking Nyquil for the real reason, it's cuz you're sick and your throat's enlarged.
>> No, it's cuz you want to hallucinate.
>> You know, same I learned this that Nyquil and what's in uh uh >> uh No, not coding. It's completely different from that. That's an opioid.
um Nyquil and uh salvia >> like close to like it's very chemically it's like acid to psilocybin like it's pretty [ __ ] close.
>> Damn.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm just pounding two of them and like but I'm not trying to stay up for it. I want to go to bed. I want to get better.
I hate being sick.
>> Why don't you drink a bunch of water?
>> I do. I'm drinking two of my [ __ ] things a day.
>> I got to grab my Galen Yeti when I'm downstairs. Yeah, >> that's how much I'm drinking on the [ __ ] job site, brother.
>> Oh yeah, you working, man.
>> I'm [ __ ] working hard.
>> Look at them boots. You can't see it, but his boots are whack.
>> I'm a demo man now.
>> Is it fun?
>> No.
>> Do you feel like you have a sense of purpose, though?
>> Like a >> It's like I'm just doing Mexican labor.
>> I feel like a lower class.
>> Yeah, I do. I go, man. Well, I'm getting good money, but >> damn, I hate >> I'm doing the same thing as two Mexican kids right now.
>> Do you go when you go, you have to wake up at 5, but then you drive to the side or do you drive to Jets? I drive to Jets and pick up either Alex or Jet or both of them.
>> Nice. Do they get you coffee though?
They make you a little cappuccino or whatever.
>> No, Alex got my gas this morning, so I was like, "Thanks, man."
>> Oh, that's nice. Hell yeah.
>> Well, I was like, "Hey, can you I I didn't mean it like this at all, but I was like, "Uh, can you pump the gas? I'm just going to run in real quick." Cuz like we were kind of behind cuz he [ __ ] didn't wake up. Um, >> crazy for that to happen.
>> Yeah, you never wake You always are on time.
>> No, no, I woke up.
>> Oh, you were on time and they weren't on time.
>> Yes. Well, the Jets Jets in Florida.
>> Oh, >> it was just Alex. Nice. And >> I was like, "Hey, man. I'm here." And he's like, "One second."
And I was like, >> "Oh, damn. How'd it feel to be on the other end of that?"
>> Pissed me off.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. But this is different. I've already talked to I talked about this to the lady. Uh it's different because when I do it, it's for something. It's not like we're getting paid by an old man who wants us there on time. It's like we're going to do something [ __ ] >> It's also your thing and you scheduled it out way ahead of time. Yeah. And we were fine. It doesn't really matter when we show up. Definitely annoying. Yeah.
>> But yeah, >> he pumped your gas.
>> Oh, yeah. Oh, I was like, "Hey, can you pump the gas? I'm going to run it real quick." And then like I come back out.
Well, I was trying to get it on the thing and the the cashier was like, >> "It's already running." I was like, "What?" He's like, "The pump's already running." I was like, "No way.
>> What? What? My day?" That's like the time we freaking got free gas at uh Remember that ripped off the >> Yeah, that was crazy. We didn't even mean to >> put five in and then you just unlimited gas. We should have had all the cars.
That was probably one of the greatest days of my life.
>> It was amazing. And it wasn't even your guy. You were just like, "Free."
>> I was like, "Don't say anything."
>> Yeah, it was pretty.
>> You wanted to say something, but we freaking I was like, "Fill that [ __ ] up."
>> As a Catholic, I did feel bad about that. But then I realized he was probably a seek or Muslim man. And I was like, >> "Oh god, I hate being sick."
>> I'm coughing, too. But it's uh because I inhaled a bunch of powdered rat [ __ ] today.
>> Is it a gross house?
No, it's like a [ __ ] $4 million mansion in like the foothills of Carefree. And I ripped down like the main [ __ ] part. I ripped down like the ceiling right above the like a like >> the attic adjacent.
>> What's What would this be called? Like the dining room.
>> Yeah, >> dude. The most rat [ __ ] I've ever seen in my room.
>> Oh, dude. That's disgusting. You gag.
How many gags?
>> No. No. It wasn't wet. It didn't smell like anything. Rat [ __ ] for whatever reason. Any type of like animal [ __ ] that's not >> kind of mummified rat, dude.
>> Herbivore shit's not bad.
>> Yeah. No, no, it's just grass.
>> Mhm. Just grass and water.
>> Call back.
I almost hit the n word right there.
Check out this video from today, though.
I'll send it to you so you can put it in there.
Wow.
>> Yeah, you got a mask on. Yeah, this was the later half of the day.
>> Look at this [ __ ] though. Look at this.
>> Damn demo.
>> All that.
>> Do you feel like you got some aggression out though? Just banging through walls.
>> Yeah, dude. Cuz you you like you like to think that.
>> Look at me, dude. I'm sick, dude. I don't give a [ __ ] right now.
>> I don't know if you Well, I don't give a [ __ ] Um >> I'm like I'm sweating up top and on the bottom. I'm so [ __ ] cold. Like my toes.
>> This is about me right now. My new job.
your [ __ ] sickness.
>> All right, go for it.
>> I don't want to hear about that [ __ ] anymore.
>> It's done.
>> We got to be up here.
>> We're up here.
>> You're bringing us.
>> I'm listening. I'm listening to the job.
>> You're like Gollum. You're clawing at my [ __ ] >> My precious.
>> You're clawing at my gypsum covered boots to draw me back down.
>> Tell me about the job.
>> Oh, you said like, >> "Oh, it's it's fun."
>> Yeah. To break things.
>> Until you're swinging like a [ __ ] seven lb crowbar above your head for longer than like 2 minutes.
over here.
>> Yeah. I'm wearing sunglasses inside.
>> Yeah.
>> Because I don't want to get [ __ ] >> Yeah.
>> You breathe in that stuff for long enough and it's >> asbestous.
>> No. No. They can't. Asbestous is long band.
>> No.
>> But I'm sure fiberglass [ __ ] >> microplastics.
>> Yeah. I'm sure it's no better for you than that [ __ ] >> It's not good.
>> Um. No. Like you're like, "Oh, this is going to be fun." And then like [ __ ] two hours into it, you're like, "This is horrible." And then you got six more hours.
>> It's like beating sweat.
>> The mask is getting sweaty. Like the And you're just tasting your own breath.
>> Yeah. Horrible.
>> Do they get you lunch?
>> No, but the lady packs me a lunch every day.
>> Oh, no way. You really a blue collar man?
>> I know. I go, lady.
>> That should be in her freaking uh pack.
You ever see those like bag in my >> No, she's she brought that up last night.
>> Oh, she did?
>> Yeah. She's like, come with me while I make my blueco collar husband lunch.
It's currently 2 a.m.
>> There you go.
>> No, she was talking about that to to the old Emily.
>> Oh, she should do that. That'd be funny.
>> It would be pretty funny. She might have done it already. Who knows?
>> Oh, we'll see it. We'll repost it. You can find out who the lady is.
>> Repost.
>> Repost.
>> But yeah, demo sucks. Don't recommend it at all, but I'm making 30 an hour, so [ __ ] it.
>> Damn, that's nice.
>> Yeah, I'll take it.
>> Yeah, any type of money. And you only have to work like two days a week.
Really?
>> Yeah. No, but I'm just gonna do this whole [ __ ] house.
>> Yeah, you should get like a big thing.
Take a break.
>> Yeah, >> you should just do every other house.
>> Wouldn't that be great? That'd be fun.
>> And the dude loves me. Like the head dude.
>> Yeah. I mean, look at >> He does. He does not know my name. But like first time meeting him. He's like, >> "You grew up on a ranch." And I was like, "I [ __ ] did." And then he's like, "Where at?" And I was like, "Northern Arizona." He's like, "Where at?" And I was like, "South of Winsow."
He goes, "4a, 4B." I go, "Most of 4A is my ranch." And he goes, "Sechlin Canyon." And I go, "Yes."
>> "Oh, you're in." Yeah.
>> You're in.
>> He goes, "Yeah, I shot an elk up there a few years ago." I go, "You want to see my elk from 4B?" He goes, "Of course, brother."
>> Oh, man. Dude, you're >> talking guns for like an hour over lunch.
>> God damn.
>> I I called him yes, sir. twice. And he's like, "See, that's from a ranch and family right there." I was like, "My god. Oh, I'm in. Oh, I'm in."
>> Looks at you showing up every day in a car heart shirt and blue jeans. I did I did think this was funny cuz he like wasn't cussing the first day and I was cussing a lot just cuz I'm a degenerate [ __ ] >> and I was like [ __ ] maybe he's like Mormon and doesn't cuss or something like that. And then I come in the second day and he's like I was at [ __ ] Safeway last night. [ __ ] [ __ ] pulls a gun on me. So I had to go up to his car window and go, "Hey [ __ ] retard."
And I was like, "Oh, okay. You cuss.
>> Oh, never mind. You're cool. Never mind.
I like you."
>> Yeah.
I tried to hit a few like racy jokes with him and he just like doesn't he's not like offended or anything. He just doesn't acknowledge him.
>> He was like this boy.
>> He was like I was at a comedy club one time and he's like >> you already hit him with I do comedy.
>> Well, he's like why are you down here then?
>> I was like >> I have a dream not working out too good cuz you're ripping down drywall with the Mexicans.
And I god damn it I was going to make that a bit. And then and then he goes uh he goes uh what was I talking about right before that?
>> Uh he doesn't swear.
>> No, it was like right after that.
>> He had a gun. [ __ ] retards.
>> You do comedy. You told him to do comedy.
>> Oh yeah. And then he's like, "Yeah, I was at a comedy club and I I don't go to these things that often. It was out in Scottsdale." And I was like, "Oh, was it House of Comedy?" And he's like, "No, it was off Scottsdale Road." And I was like, "I think it was Scottsdale Comedy Club." He's like He's like, "Are there always that many black people?" And I was like, "Oh, you went to a black show, brother." And he's like, "Yeah." They started rioting, started [ __ ] getting all crazy about something said on stage.
>> All up.
>> And he goes, "I leaned back to the bartender or I leaned to the guy behind me and I go, I need two bottles." And the guy goes, "Why?" And he goes, "Cuz if anybody comes at me, I'm going to [ __ ] smack him in the head like this."
>> Jesus, what a guy.
>> And then it was a black guy behind him.
He's like, "We'll take two more."
>> Nice. And he's like, I leaned back to the bartender, told him the same thing.
And he's like, he's like uh uh he's like, "Yeah, here's I got two bottles as well." And then he's like, "Don't you have a [ __ ] gun in this place?" And he's like he's like, "We do, but we can't just shoot him." And he's like, "You might as well." I was like And I was like I was like saying [ __ ] back to him, but he was like he's one of those guys where kind of like me where he just talks and does not care what other people are saying.
>> He's like, "I got a point to make." I didn't think he listened to me at all because I told him I did standup and then he was like, "Yeah, saw this elk I shot."
>> Yeah.
>> And then today he just hits me with like, "So you're as a stand-up comic."
And I was like, >> "So I saw I found you on Facebook.
You're pretty funny."
>> 25,01 followers.
>> You're welcome.
>> You're welcome.
>> I'm going to share your post to my family >> and they love it.
>> I like what you're about, son. I just like how any old white guy gets a southern accent.
>> It is kind of like >> Yeah, it's kind of the old white. Yeah, that's what you want an old white to be.
>> You want him to be freaking southern.
>> I want him to be free.
>> Free of burden.
>> Free of burden.
>> No one's telling me what to do. I'm >> free of the Union. How about that?
>> Yeah.
>> Free of the goddamn >> I'm separating myself.
>> Here's a Confederate flag.
>> This is my land and I can do what I want on my land.
>> The house we're working on. Crazy.
>> Pretty nice. Would you buy it?
>> Yeah.
>> If you could >> Oh, I was I added it up. I'd have to work like uh 84 years in order to afford it at this current rate every day for the rest of my life to afford half of it.
>> Jesus. So you could put a down payment on.
>> Yeah. That I mean damn I could put a down payment on probably what quarter.
>> So you only have to work half your life.
>> Yeah.
>> 45. But by that time it's going to be worth way more.
>> Yeah. True.
>> And you're going to be paid about the exact same. So you're never going to be able to >> It won't match inflation.
>> But I might go to like5 an hour.
>> But yeah, I would I buy that one? No, I wouldn't buy that one. There's a few other ones.
>> I was thinking about it, too, cuz like it's on the mountain. It's like >> the richer you get, the more poor people you get to look at. You know what I mean?
>> Look at the salums.
>> Yeah. You cuz you can see [ __ ] Cardinal Stadium and it's north. Like it's north of House of Comedy by 10 miles. You can see [ __ ] Cardinal St. You go, "Holy shit."
>> Any freaking dystopian society, you see the rich people live up top and the poor people live on the bottom. And we're just doing that.
Come on, man. Dystopian.
Dystopian means post-apocalyptic.
>> No, it doesn't have to. I don't do it.
>> Sure it does.
>> Dystopian just is like bad future.
>> Whatever, dude.
>> That's what I think.
>> Get your liberal [ __ ] out of here, >> dude. You want to hear NPR liberal [ __ ] dude?
>> Of course.
>> They were going on about on NPR today.
They were going on about the Ohio govern governor race.
>> The gubernatorial race.
>> Yeah, I was trying to think about it and I gave up.
>> Gubnatorial, >> but it's >> And you're the liberal. It's Vivic Vamwami. Nimish Patel's icon, >> dude.
>> No, but the guy that ran for president, you know, against Trump, the Indian billionaire.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, it's him against just some I mean, she sounds like a uh non-white lady.
>> So, it's like, >> was it another [ __ ] Somali >> something? Um, but his whole his whole argument is he's going to he's going to get rid of property tax, which there's just no way you can really do because it's like ingrained in the uh thing. And then also he's like, >> property tax was only brought around in the 1920s. And you know the reason they brought around property tax schools.
>> Yeah, that was the reason.
>> But yeah, look how good that turned out.
Now everything's going privatized. But he uh look how good that turned out that >> and he's like >> they only fund [ __ ] All right, let's [ __ ] hash that point out real quick.
Look how good that turned out. The schools that get funding are the ones which is the most [ __ ] system I've ever heard in my entire life.
>> Yeah.
>> Why would you do that?
>> Yeah. You're just going to there's just going to be a differentiation. Also, what's more [ __ ] up is that you can donate to the school. So, not only is the school that's doing the best getting the most funding, it's also usually has the wealthiest parents who are then donating to that school, which is even propping them up even more, and then now you have all these kids with nothing continuing to have nothing, and you're like, what the [ __ ] is wrong with this?
That's not neither here nor there.
That's not what this is about. But that people are like, there's no way you're going to be able to do that. Also, we've seen like the track record. You can't do that. So, then his other talking point is that the person that's running against him is a socialist. And then they have like her sound bite and she's like, "I'm a Democrat. I don't know what he's talking about. This isn't real."
And she's like, "Nope, you are. You are." And then that's what just everybody's feeding off of. Huh.
>> Which pretty funny to be like, "You're this." And they're like, "I'm not that."
And they're like, "No, no, no, you are."
>> Yeah. But modern Democrats pretty much are.
>> I don't think so, dude. I feel like we've swayed pretty far right anyways.
>> With what? I'm just in terms of like a social there's no one that's really a socialist in in the government right now. Ours >> burned >> kind of he's like towing he's towing the line of >> entire left.
>> If you guys had your brothers that's what it would be though.
>> I don't think so, dude. All the Democrats are in the pockets of big corporation.
>> But if you guys the voting left of America had your brothers.
>> The young voting left. Yes, I'd agree with you. But >> I think a lot of them would.
>> No, cuz my mom doesn't like socialists either.
What's her [ __ ] qualm with it? It's too much along the lines of things that I think are right.
>> No, she's like it it she wants to keep her money. It's the American dream. Like I don't want to pay for you.
>> I don't even think that's how socialism would work. I don't think they're >> I don't think so either. That's why I that Well, I don't >> I think that would be more of a communistic thing.
>> God damn, I'm so gross. Today I coughed at the bank and my gum I spit it out into my shirt on accident and then I caught it in my shirt and then my gum >> to the bank, too. My shirt's all gummy now.
>> Nice.
>> There's just [ __ ] ton of gum in there.
And you know what I did that's so gross?
Coughed it up, stuck it, grabbed the bag, put it right in my mouth as this freaking lady's talking. She was from the Caribbean.
>> Oh, you were like, "Guess what?" Check.
>> I did hit her with I did hit her with my accent.
>> Did she like it? What you think?
>> She was She hit me with like, "Oh, good." I was like, "Ah, girl, you're from the Caribbean." Me, too.
>> I love >> I was just there. I was in the B. I told the guy I was an army veteran >> and >> at the bank.
>> What did he say?
>> He liked me. He let me into the private bathroom.
>> He did? Like, sir, you don't get it pissed with those creeps. Those degenerates. You can't.
>> No, there was just like no bathroom. He was just like, come back here.
>> Here's the key.
>> He was a marine.
>> Thank you for your service.
>> I go I go, uh, Senal, the US embassy in Sal. And he goes, yeah. I go, you you stationed there? And he goes, uh, he goes, "No, I wasn't. I was in Japan and, uh, Belgium, but I had a buddy who was stationed there."
>> I was like, "You're a Marine, huh?" He's like, "Yep." He goes, "You serve?" I go, "Army >> Ranger."
>> I was going to hit him with that. I was going to go 275th, brother.
>> Oh, damn, dude. That' been so funny. And then he's like, "How old are you?"
>> I go, "I'm 24.
>> I'm states side right now."
>> I go, "24. I signed a four-year contract right out of high school."
>> They made you a ranger that quick? You can 11 Bravo X-ray for or 11 Bravo. Not the X-ray the 11 Bravo option 40 contract.
>> That'd be so crazy to do stolen. It's crazy to do stolen valor to use the bathroom.
>> Yeah. Just also to expediate the bank process.
>> He's like, I like this kid. I'm going to give him extra.
>> Here's extra money.
>> Here's an extra zero. Click. Thank you for your service.
>> Hey, stick together, brother. Hey, super super fidelius.
>> How'd you get that? Oh, and I saw you got that nice truck. Did that VA pay for that? No, it's my company.
>> It's I started a company. I'm I'm a CEO.
I came out >> with the skills I learned in the Army Rangers.
>> Do you need a job?
>> And then I'm just like for months I'm just toying with this guy. We're like killing homeless people.
>> We actually do private security.
>> Yeah. Yeah. You want to You want to You want to run on a job real quick?
>> Yeah. Leave this bank. You don't need this [ __ ] >> Yeah.
I go, "All right, let's go." And I go throw a few extra zeros on there. Buddy, >> come on. Help me out.
>> But then then the thing is now that I have all the the these resources, >> then you start >> then I start acquiring assets.
>> Ponzi scheme.
>> I not even a Ponzi scheme. It's just stealing.
>> That's just fraud.
>> It's fraud from top to bottom.
>> Yeah.
>> But maybe with enough fraud and with enough luck of not getting caught by the United States government and or IRS, you know, >> you you'd be able to buy the house you're currently working on.
>> Yeah. Yeah, there you go.
>> Hey, you know what? Put the rat [ __ ] back up in the ceiling.
>> I took it down. I'm going to put it back up. This is mine.
>> I thought this was funny cuz like the the people who are renovating it are coming back. I thought it'd be so funny.
Um we sweeped up all the rat [ __ ] but to leave it there like when they're like walking through um and for them to like not understand that they had rats and they're like, "Did you why did you bring this rat [ __ ] here?"
>> Sure you got rats.
>> I was like I was like laughing about that. So, you could hire an arter.
>> Why did you bring the rat [ __ ] >> That's so funny.
>> Which is like a thing that could happen.
>> You know what I was thinking about today? Because I had to go to the DMV. I go to the DMV, I get through the line.
This guy, he's like, "You got to get your I can't give you your thing." This is also so funny. He's like, "You don't have to get your car registered till July 31st, actually." And I was like, "Oh, that's awesome." And he's like, "Wait a second." Oh, no. Your car's been unregistered for a year. Do you know that? And I was like, "Yeah, I was in Alaska. My dad was dying.
>> My car I took my completely unregistered car >> and they did it."
>> Yeah. They didn't say [ __ ] It's It was like the I know the one that you went to. I went to the same one.
>> The one >> like you get out and you got the little booth.
>> Uh no.
>> Oh, you went to Tempe?
>> I was in the one by Tempe. Yeah. The DMV by Tempe.
>> Well, yeah. It's like closer to the airport. It's like right over >> the I don't know. But it's not like outside. There's no like You stand There's no sitting room. Oh, mine had like a weird little like cubby like the size of this desk that you they were like, "All right, go wait in the waiting room." And then you're like, >> "For the emissions test or the DMV?"
>> The emissions.
>> Oh, no. My emissions. It was the guy who's old 75year-old man just like plugged [ __ ] into my car and he's like, "Stand right there." And I just stood and he just >> Don't [ __ ] move neither.
>> Yeah. I was like, "All right, sir. Do what you got to do. 16 bucks." I was like, "I got a [ __ ] job that's better than this." And you go, "What?" And he goes, "This kid that I met, he's an army ranger.
Nobody ever salutes me.
>> Hey, don't you work at uh Beimo Bank, too.
>> You You're a Beimo guy.
>> I just learned that today.
>> Dan, you are quite >> I went to Bank of America first and they're like, "You do not have an account here." And I'm like, "Fuck.
Someone stole everything."
>> And they're like, "Enter your social security in." And I was like, "Okay, >> mine."
>> They go, "Yep, guess what?
>> Sucks to suck.
>> Look who's an army ranger now." Now they they had me type it in. They're like, "You've never had anything here." And I was like, "What?" like you've never had anything here. Are you sure? And I was like, yeah. Then they're like also such a little kid thing to be. They were like, "Are you at the wrong bank?"
>> Then I had to be Yeah. I was like, And then I had to be like, "My mom said >> my mommy said it's this one."
>> My mom must have said my money's here.
Like we have no [ __ ] account of you.
And I was like, "All right."
>> And then I thought about it and I was like, >> "Oh yeah, >> it's it got changed to be Beimo."
>> That's crazy. So I I [ __ ] walked over to Beimo. Met my marine buddy.
>> Mine I had to go in to the credit union.
This is the Alaska I have the Alaska bank. And she's like looking it up and she's like I can't find your bank anywhere. And I was like it's New Vision. Look up New Vision. She's like yeah it's not coming up. And I'm like and I'm showing her the thing.
>> Wait a second. New Vision.
>> New Vision.
>> The one that was just attacked by Islamic extremists.
She was typing in it's n u v i like like n u and I'm like showing her the thing.
I'm like it's right here. This is my bang. She's like it's not popping up.
And I'm like are you spelling new ne or nu? And she's like oh. And I was like >> also you should say you should say that.
>> I should say that.
>> You should go new vision nu.
>> I gave her the thing with the thing on it. It's I spelled it out.
>> What thing with the thing on it?
>> She made me [ __ ] say what bank I go to.
>> Yeah. She probably went this kid's [ __ ] No.
>> She goes, "What's the name of the bank?"
You go, "New Vision." She goes, "Holy [ __ ] >> This kid can't spell.
>> This kid's a [ __ ] retard." She goes, "He truly isn't an army ranger."
>> Yeah. Not me, dude. I mean, you can look at me and know I'm not an army ranger, dude. I'll never be able to steal.
>> You small guys. You small guys. That's what people don't understand is it's easier for you to get through training because you're not carrying around all that weight >> because you have to they do like body mass thing stuff.
>> What do you mean?
>> I feel like the >> You're like naturally carrying around less weight. Yeah, but you still have to carry around the same amount of weight.
The packs are the same weight.
>> It could be. Yeah.
>> So, it's like I'm carrying >> But that's only part of [ __ ] like rucking is only part of >> True.
>> All that [ __ ] >> Are you talking like pull-up push-up things?
>> Pull-up, push-up, running.
>> Yeah, running is I' I'd sauce on the Rangers in the run.
>> Yeah, you don't I think you only have to Oh, no. You have to do a a mile and a five mile now. It used to only be a mile and a half, maybe.
>> I think it's honestly so easy, dude. If you want to do anything and you have to run a mile and you're scared about it, they set the bar so low.
>> The military has completely let go of any standards at this point. You can like walk the mile like it's [ __ ] >> So is freaking remember the presidential fitness test?
>> I could not I couldn't do flexibility or I would have had it every year.
>> I couldn't do flexibility either. But those got me jazzed up, dude. I tried hard on those.
>> I did too.
>> For the president my PE teacher like, "Mike, I think you could have the president excellence award." She's like, "I only say this to a few people."
>> Jazzes up an eight-year-old.
>> I know. You go. I wasn't even eight. I was like [ __ ] 12. I was like, I'm gonna [ __ ] kill, >> dude.
>> And he's like, we just got to get flexibility.
>> I could not do it.
>> But I'm not gay.
>> What?
>> But I But I >> Goddamn Obama and that gay husband of his.
>> Oh my god. Making us flexible so we can [ __ ] our little butts. Our wobbies.
>> That's also when I learned he was like a staunch Republican.
>> Mr. Corm. I >> thought you talking Barack Obama. I was like, what?
>> No, Mr. Corm's a staunch Republican.
>> Oh, damn. No, I think >> like I'm really liking Mike Huckabe.
All right.
>> To a 12-year-old, you know about that, Mike Huckabe.
>> I was like, "Yeah, I know about Mike Huckabe."
>> I love Mike Huckabe. My daddy talks about him.
>> Mike Huckabe, horrible Zionist.
>> They all are. All those evangelicals.
>> Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Yeah, dude. Old old old guard conservatives.
>> It's cuz you guys [ __ ] with our Bibles back in like the 1800s. Look it up.
That's why all the [ __ ] It's true.
>> I'm not like God, isn't that crazy? You guys play the long game. You guys are so good at playing the long game.
>> I really didn't want to get off the presidential fitness riff. I thought we could have done something there. No, it's gone. The moment's gone now. But >> just a 12-year-old getting jazzed up for the president.
>> It's like not even fail you, Mr. President.
>> Yeah. Not being able to vote at all, but being like, "But the president, I know the most I hated."
>> I hated Obama as a 12-year-old. I was like, I will still [ __ ] >> Yes, we can.
>> Yes, we can.
>> Yes, we can. I got hope that I'm going to pass this [ __ ] presidential fitness test.
>> I'm doing all these push-ups for you, Mr. President.
>> It's like kind of like out of spite, though. Like I got a picture of Obama and I'm just like, >> I hate you, but I love you at the same time.
>> Yeah, I'm going to take your award, [ __ ] >> You're going to come.
>> You're not going to do a [ __ ] thing about it. That's also what I thought when I was a kid. I thought the president was going to be like, "Good, uh, Michael. Uh, good job on doing uh 45 push-ups.
>> I respect your hustle.
>> Here is a medal on your shirt.
>> I'm going to pin it there." And I'd be like, "My dad hates you."
>> But I appreciate the metal.
>> You want to know my dad calls you Ober?
>> Thank you, Obama.
>> Oh, >> that's not my name.
>> You want to hear my dad's good uh Barack Obama joke that I still remember? You remember when that uh when that oil rig uh >> the Horizon?
>> Yeah, the Horizon oil rig blew up in the Gulf.
>> My dad's like, "So, uh >> so funny to call it the Gulf now."
>> I've always called it the Gulf.
>> Okay. of America.
>> Okay.
>> Yeah. But uh my dad was like a So that happened that was during Obama's uh tenure, right? Or like whatever you call it, >> one of his terms. Um but he was like a he was like a, >> you know, so if Obama, you know, is the one who fixes all this, is it going to be considered a rig? Jesus Christ.
>> Pretty good though, huh?
>> Pretty good. Pretty funny.
>> Pretty good. I still remember I was in like Xolo one day. My dad was getting like something taxiderermy, some animal he killed. And uh we were just sitting eating at this cafe and there was like a live feed of like the oil rushing into the Atlantic Ocean and I was just like we're all going to die.
>> That's the end of the world right there.
>> I just learned they were like worried that like if that exploded like if the oil ignited underwater and like went into the reservoir of oil, >> it' blow up the entire Gulf.
>> Yeah. And like kill everyone in Florida.
Yeah. Then Yeah. It can be your Gulf, Mexico.
>> Yeah. You can have it. We We lost Florida. That's yours.
>> You could tan.
>> You know, if Florida wasn't there around here, >> no, it's just water.
>> Boily water.
>> Yeah.
>> We need to get some freaking dawn out there.
>> God damn. We got to save these [ __ ] ducks.
>> Get the ducks. That's so funny cuz the ducks aren't there.
>> They could be.
>> No, ducks.
>> The ducks are migratory.
>> Yeah, but they're freshwater ducks. They could go. They're talking geese.
>> Well, then what? How did those ducks have oil on them?
>> That's what I'm saying. It doesn't make any sense. American marketing.
>> Are you telling me that you were deceived by modern American marketing?
>> Yeah, dude. They had the >> ducks aren't a real thing.
>> They had a baby geese. They had a baby goose up there and they were like, "What's the ugly duckling doing out there?"
>> Imagine it's like some French guy like, you know, like >> he's like sitting there like some fashioned French guy and he goes, he's like sitting there and he's like like the ducks right here.
>> Yeah.
Cover it in oil. I don't know why he's Russian now. Cather him in oil.
Cover him in oil >> or like a sauce.
>> Cover like we've got it.
>> But make it balsamic.
>> Now rub the dish soap on him.
>> Very good. In between the legs. Yes.
>> Delicious.
>> We are going to save the world.
>> Dawn. Dawn of the duck.
>> Wow.
>> Dude, I also drove past uh on the DMV. I drove past freaking zombie city by the warehouse district.
>> Oh, the zone.
>> Holy zone.
>> [ __ ] dude. Holy [ __ ] There are a lot of homeless people out here.
>> Yeah, >> just freaking zombie.
>> Should we go get a paintball gun?
>> No, dude. I don't want to go back. They looked at me. Every all of them. And I don't have the tinted glass.
>> They go They go >> They just stare.
>> We're turning into ashes.
>> Dude, I pull up to the the Department of uh transportation cuz I cuz I was like, I need to get back to the DMV now, but the emissions place was close to our house. So, I was like, "Where's a DMV closer to the house that I can go to?"
And then it was the Department of Transportation and I was like, "Well, that seems close. I'll look it up."
Looked it up on Google. AI says, "Yeah, they can do your registration."
>> On Google, did it have like a warning?
It's like, "We'll drive through the most homeless area you ever seen."
>> It actually took me around and I was like, "It's over there. I'm going to go this way." And then I Whoa.
>> It was taking me around just on its own, but obviously Yeah. You want to avoid this way.
>> It's like when the road gets red on the map.
>> Exactly. Like traffic, but it's just people. Um, but I was like I looked it up on Google. They were like, "Yeah, they can do your registration there." So then I go and then all the doors are locked. The security guy comes through.
I'm like, "Hey, can I get my registration here?" And he's like, "No."
You know what's funny though? I get about 20 30 of you types of people that come through because of Google every day.
>> Don't trust Google. And I was like, "Fucking Google AI."
>> You go, "Hey man, you're security around here, right?" And he goes, "Yeah." And you go, "How about you do your [ __ ] job?" There's like, you know, just thought that was funny and all.
>> These [ __ ] people.
>> Say they can't do freaking transportation or whatever.
>> We should just push them out into the forest, man.
>> I think they'd be happier out there.
>> No, I think they'd like devour each other and there'd be like a king at the end.
>> That'd be cool, dude. King homeless.
>> Kh.
>> Mhm. Koh, honestly. But king of >> Ko T.
>> Yeah. K.
>> I am Cth.
>> King of the homeless.
>> It's like Julie. It's like >> survive these wards.
>> It's like Caesar, but you know how Caesar was just like the Roman guy?
>> Mhm.
>> But it's Cth.
>> His real name's Brian.
>> Oh, I see what you're saying.
>> But there was like a giant >> The name's Cth. Brian Cth.
>> I'm the king of the homeless.
>> He's got a staff that's got like a little crushed soda can at the top of it >> and on the bottom. It's just It's a No, it's a spear, but it's just a syringe.
>> Yeah.
[ __ ] >> Maybe if we push them out into the middle of nowhere though, >> they'll start a new civilization, they'll make utopia.
>> Where would we put them?
>> Put them in the middle of the forest with a bunch of goats.
>> What forest, though?
>> I say somewhere in New Mexico.
>> New Mexico forest. Do they have forest out there?
>> All of northern New Mexico is beautiful.
>> Well, let's not put them there.
>> Yeah.
>> Where should we put them then? What's a nasty forest? How about Oregon?
>> Can we put them in the Ozarks?
>> Can we put them around Portland?
>> I think Ozarks. They're already there.
They've conquered Oregon, dude. True.
Not all of it. Eastern Oregon is still cool.
>> The part where they're conservative with their conservative Christian, >> dude. That's how it works.
>> I don't know about that.
>> Yeah. I just love Alaska.
>> Alaska's great. I'm going back.
>> You should.
>> I'm trying to get Emily to come with me.
>> Who's Emily?
>> You know who Emily is?
>> Huh?
>> You've already forgot about her.
>> Yeah.
>> Been texting.
>> Might not be that significant for >> I've been texting her again. God, dude.
I'm freaking smitten by her.
>> Yeah.
>> Swear to God.
>> You go. Wow.
>> I do, dude. I talked to her for like an hour and a half like two days ago.
>> You love her.
>> She felt bad for me. She was giving me sympathy.
>> Well, she's pushing sick.
>> What a [ __ ] >> It was nice. Shut up.
>> No, don't do that. She's amazing and wonderful. You can't say that.
>> I can't. I just did.
>> Don't do that.
>> You're not going to do a thing about it.
>> I'd fight you if I didn't feel so bad right now.
>> No, you wouldn't.
>> You'll never know. I guess we'll never know. On my worst day, you couldn't whit me.
>> You'd be better off trying You'd be better off trying to lip kiss a >> You'd be Wait, wait, wait. You'd be better off trying to butt [ __ ] a a wild cat in a telephone booth than to [ __ ] with me, right?
>> I don't think that'd be even that hard, dude. Once you kill it.
>> Oh, you're going to necro a wild cat.
>> Yeah, dude. That's how you do it.
>> Necro.
>> If you got anything on the line and it's like, but you got to [ __ ] this cat in the telephone booth. Immediately break.
>> Wild cat. A bobcat.
>> Oh, a big cat.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Do I have anything or it's just my hands?
>> You were in a telephone booth.
>> That's >> even if you had a rifle.
>> Yeah. What are you going to do?
>> I don't think you could butt [ __ ] it.
>> Do you think you could Could you dominate a link?
>> Well, that would just that's an equal match. So, it's possible. It's a 50-50.
>> Oh, 50/50 it.
>> I am the wildat in the telephone.
>> I think I could beat a Lynx in a small area.
>> [ __ ] that, dude. You've never been close to one in your life.
>> I think it's I'd be scared, but if it's life or death, >> especially a Lynx. Bobcat's smaller than Lynx and bobcats alone are scary. I've seen traps.
>> That's because you don't have to freaking It meows, but it more of a screech meow. And that that is intimidating. And it's got claws. But if I just freaking could grab it, I think I'd get scratched up pretty good. But >> no, you would get [ __ ] up.
>> You think it'd kill me? No way, dude.
>> You probably kill most people.
>> [ __ ] just kicking.
>> I don't think you could do that. Have you ever tried to do that to a [ __ ] cat?
>> It's a telephone pole. I got like a 100 pounds on this [ __ ] >> That's not enough. 30 pound cat versus 13 pound >> razor sharp claws and it's biting you.
You grab it by the throat, it's biting your hand already temporary and then it's ripping >> temporary. Your arm is going to be out of commission almost immediately.
>> The fact that you don't even have any belief. It's It's 100 pounds lighter than I am. I'm killing that [ __ ] >> It doesn't matter, dude.
>> Dude, it does. So, you're telling me if I had claws and and cat-like reflexes, I'd beat you?
>> Yeah.
>> No, I wouldn't. No, you wouldn't.
>> You just grab me, dude. If you had four daggers or three >> telephone is like this is the table space, dude. Like where are you going that I can't grab a hold of you once I can get you?
>> That's the problem.
>> It's just scratching everywhere, >> dude. And it's you're probably bleeding out so quick, >> dude. I'm smashing the face in.
>> You can you can try.
>> I'm grabbing the the telephone just and then it gets down here and it's chewing on your ankles.
>> Am I naked, too, or I got pants on? Can I sweatshirt up?
>> No, you don't get to add prote. It's just like >> It's just like what I'm in right now. I still think I could do it.
>> I really think I could do it.
>> I don't think I could do it.
>> How heavy is the cat?
>> You could do it.
>> No. Like 70 pounds, >> dude. Put your [ __ ] knee on the neck.
And >> you ever picked up like a dog food bag?
>> Yeah.
>> Now imagine if that was like more compact and had sharp teeth and razor claws, >> dude. A mother.
>> And And it's also a cat, dude. So it could be like bounce. It'll bounce off the [ __ ] wall like >> it would [ __ ] you up.
>> I I agree. I'd get [ __ ] up, but I'd wake you up. I'd come out of there victorious. No, >> dude. Mothers, 130lb mothers have lifted cars for their babies in an adrenaline rush.
>> You're not a mother, first off, unless you got a [ __ ] I don't know about.
You're not a mother.
>> My mom I was talking to my mom today and she for like she goes, "Fred, you're wearing a condom, right, when you have sex?" I'm like, "Mom, I'm not even having sex right now." And she's like, "No, but she's like, "But you've had sex in the last 3 months." And I'm like, "Okay, well, yes, but she's like, "And you're wearing protection, right?" And I'm like, "Yes, of course, mom." And then she was like, she was like, "You don't think a girl's pregnant, do you?"
And I was like, "No, >> been watching the podcast."
>> No, no, no. And she's like, she's like, "But she could be pregnant, you know, if you don't wrap it up. You could be a father. What would you do if you were a father right now, Fred? You're a father.
You are a father and you got that poor girl pregnant cuz you didn't wear a condom." And I'm like, "Can we stop talking about this? Stop putting that in the universe."
>> I don't know why moms Yeah, moms are all big about this. Like, you got to speak positive. The things you say have repercussions. And then they're like, "You're a homeless drug addict retard."
And you're like, "Holy [ __ ] >> why are you putting that out?"
>> You're just coming at everybody and you're addicted to alcohol and you're like, "Fuck, >> chill out. What are you talking about?
>> [ __ ] I forgot I put beers in the fridge." Where are we at?
>> Oh, we're we're there. So, we can just call it Hey, thank you. That has been the podcast. You're the best. Thanks, guys. Mike's getting drunk.
>> I met I'm at the freezer.
>> Episode 73.
>> The freezer.
>> He's They're in the freezer. We got to go.
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