Married After 53 Years of Engagement — Romantic or Ridiculous?

[00:00:00]Hi everybody, welcome back. I hope you're all doing well. So, let's start this week on a more lighter note. Um, I came across this video of this couple who have just gotten married after 53 years of being engaged. Take a look.

[00:00:16]>> Been engaged for 53 years.

[00:00:19]Today, the Nicks gave us our ring. We married to the chip.

[00:00:24]>> Yes.

[00:00:25]>> Nice. All right. What?

[00:00:27]>> Oh, MARRIED. WE'VE BEEN ENGAGED FOR 53 YEARS >> AND THEN WE GET MARRIED.

[00:00:36]>> 53 years and they got married because his his uh basketball favorite basketball team or something wrong and so he decided to marry her right after 53 years. And I've seen a few people talking about this, but what do you think about long-term engagement? Are you okay with that? Do you disagree with that? Let me know in the comment section. Now, personally for me, if she's happy, I'm happy for her. Okay?

[00:01:09]That's that's not up to me. That's up to her. But if this is not what you wanted and you took that engagement ring and you sat there with him for 53 years and he only got to marrying you. That's if it's actually proper marriage, then we have a lot to talk about. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:01:30]>> Don't let this be you. So, let's get into the video.

[00:01:35]>> Are we married?

[00:01:36]>> WE'VE BEEN IN FOR 53 YEARS BEFORE we get married.

[00:01:44]>> I think we need to understand there are certain phases that some women never grow out of and this is one of them. So, you're telling me 53 birthdays, 53 Christmases, 53 anniversaries, you let this man get away with not marrying you, but now you're going to take the crumb at this age. I'm sure you already gave him the kids. You already gave him the house. You already gave him the memories. And now he's finally decided, you know what? I've run the streets this long, and at this point, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to find better. Now, he's going to finally want to make an honest woman out of you. And the worst part is people think this is cute. It's not cute. It's sad that she had to sacrifice what she wanted for so long and he let her and she wanted it so bad she'll take it even if it's given to her like this because his favorite basketball team won the championship. Not because she loved him and was there for him and took care of him and has been faithful to him. Not any of that. Just Nicks won the series.

[00:02:35]Man got to do what he got to do. Okay, before y'all eat me up, this is a genuine question. I know people are probably going to be like, "Well, if you got to preface it." No, I promise y'all.

[00:02:44]I know somebody going to feel some type of way, but I want to know what is the point in getting engaged if you just going to stay engaged for a few years. I feel like if we're getting engaged, we need to be getting married within like the next year. At least 12 months to 18 months later, I expect a wedding. What is the reason behind getting engaged and staying engaged for 2 3 4 years? I know people that have been engaged since 2020 and they still not married. Like, what is that? Don't get me wrong, I know that sometimes people have like financial issues. Sometimes something pops up and they just can't do it. I understand life circumstances, but it don't always be that. Like a lot of times people literally just get the ring, they get engaged. That's just it. Like it's crickets after that. So like what what is it? What's the point? Cuz ain't y'all still boyfriend and girlfriend? Oh, wait. It's fiance. But what's the point?

[00:03:38]I have a question. What do the girlies have against long engagements? Like why is that just so like uh like me personally I would rather be a fiance for longer than keep being a girlfriend?

[00:03:51]Like at least I have the rock on my finger because then it's like I have the rock on my finger. We're we're fiances.

[00:03:56]It's like fiance like like that's like cuter than like boyfriend, girlfriend. I don't know. Like fiances is like you know and then you have the time to like plan out your dream wedding. Like who cares? Like you know you're going to get married so like what why don't y'all like that? Like I feel like there was such a taboo around that and I'm just genuinely curious like what are those vibes coming from? Because like me myself, I would prefer to be long engaged. Understand if it's the vibe of like there's a couple, they get engaged and they just stay engaged for a long time because secretly they don't want to get married. But like what about the couples that are literally just long engaged because they want to save for their wedding? Like I don't know why people always feel the need to like rush to the wedding. It's like do you not have trust that like you're going to get there? Like I just don't get it. Like I want to be engaged but I also know that I'm not going to be able to afford my dream wedding that I want for a very long time. So, I would rather just be engaged and then keep saving up for my dream wedding. I don't get it. Anyway, I'm curious what y'all think.

[00:04:55]>> I don't think that there should be long engagement periods.

[00:04:58]>> I don't think so either.

[00:04:59]>> I think that's stupid.

[00:05:00]>> I think if you know that you want to marry this person, you know, because now you >> from the seven-day queen like what you >> six day.

[00:05:09]>> Yep. No, but I'm serious. If the point of engagement is to be married, is it really about the wedding? Is it really about the ring? Like or is it really about the marriage?

[00:05:18]>> Isn't it the journey?

[00:05:19]>> The the journey doesn't start until you're married.

[00:05:22]>> That can't be true.

[00:05:23]>> It is true. There's you're there's no there's there's no commitment for real.

[00:05:29]>> Isa slept with her. I'm committed.

[00:05:32]>> If you go and you select the status, there is no engaged.

[00:05:35]>> Mhm.

[00:05:36]>> It's not committed relationship. It's single or married.

[00:05:39]>> Yep.

[00:05:40]>> Legally, your journey does not start until you're married. You're still a single. That's just enjoying life with another person. And there's nothing wrong with that. But what is the point of a long engagement period? Now, unless you are 20some, if you are young, oh my god, take your time. Take your time.

[00:05:56]Figure it out. You know, I just I'm I don't I don't think that you really need to be married quickly. But when you're grown, I'm not I'm not going to be engaged for 2 years. For what? What is the point of that? I don't understand it at all. So, I have this friend that has always wanted to get married. And she begged and begged and begged and begged her boyfriend to marry her for about 4 years. And guess what?

[00:06:24]She end up finally getting a ring. But on the flip side of things, she has been engaged for seven years and is contemplating leaving her fiance because she thinks that he just really put the ring on her finger to shut her the [ __ ] up um with the intentions of just getting engaged to her and not marrying her. I mean, no [ __ ] 7 years is a very long time to be engaged to somebody. But I mean she says that she feels stupid because she have really sat here for 7 years after begging him for four to marry her for him just to put a ring on her finger and to still not [ __ ] marry her. So my question is do you think that you know some men will just put a ring on your finger um and get engaged to you just to set you the [ __ ] up you know for a little while? that man is your fiance. I don't care if he's your life partner of 10 years, 15 years, 20 years. If you are not married, you are just a girlfriend according to the law. If that man passes away, you are not getting anything unless you were in his will. Because again, you are just a girlfriend. Now, if you have kids with him, it will go to your kid. You can't that's not yours.

[00:07:42]So, being someone's fiance doesn't mean like, "Yay, now I have the safeguards.

[00:07:45]I'm gonna go and be a stay at home mom and have his babies." Again, you're just a girlfriend under the law. If he wants to break up with you, he's walking away with the house because his name is on the house and you're walking away with nothing. No matter how long you've been together, you're just a girlfriend under the law. So, anytime someone tries to say, "What's the difference between life partners and being married?" Life partners under the law, you're you're just a girlfriend. The stakes are so much different. The stakes are much higher for a man whenever you are married because then you're going to walk away with half a house even if his name is on it in most states, right?

[00:08:16]Talk to your own attorney in your own state. I'm not your attorney. And and the thing is is like he if a man will not marry you and he leaves you as a girlfriend or a fiance for a long period of time, just remember he's putting you at risk for so much just like not not being protected in so many ways because again an example he passes away all that is going to go to his child. If you don't have kids, it's going to go to his siblings. It's going to go to whoever it comes in place whenever you die without a will. And if you're not his wife, it's not going to you. If uh he's in the hospital, you're not going to be the one making those medical decisions unless it's in writing that you're making those medical decisions. Someone who's related to him is going to be making those decisions. So that's why I say just know like if a man won't marry you, he doesn't he he has not taken you seriously by the law doesn't take you seriously. They're going to be like, "Oh, girlfriend out of here."

[00:09:09]>> If a man don't want what you want, change the man. Don't try to change the man. Go get a different one. Stop begging men to put a ring on your finger. Cassie is a prime example of when she finally got out of that situation with Diddy. She ended up married to a man who knew what he wanted right then and there. Sierra is another example. She got her Russell Wilson because she was willing to leave her future. The problem is y'all not willing to leave your future in the past. Y'all cannot beg people to want to be with you, to want to marry you, to want to settle down. I don't care how many times y'all did a freaky giggy. I don't care if y'all moved into the same house. I don't care if y'all been together for 10 years. If that man ain't trying to give you what you want, go find somebody who's willing to give you what you want.

[00:09:48]And until then, don't press the issue because you can't. Because you can't force nobody to do anything they don't want to do. And even if you do convince them to do what they want to do, Socrates said, "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

[00:10:02]You didn't do nothing but get your way on paper. Not in real life. That's how you end up cheated on, miserable, and in a toxic situation only to say, "Oh, well, I got the ring." If that's what you idolize, baby, get your ring by all means. But I know so many women that got the ring but don't have a husband.

[00:10:18]>> People get engaged, wait 2 years to then get married. I'm sorry. What was the point of your engagement? If you do not progress things forward the way that they do, these things start to lose value, which they have in our society.

[00:10:28]Marriage has lost value. Engagement has lost value. Relationships have lost value. And it's like, yeah, because we don't understand the natural process that we actually preserve with the terminology. When somebody gets engaged, they get married shortly after. Shortly after now is two to three years. That's not an engagement. The whole point of the engagement is that you guys start to realize that you're building a life together and you're going to make a commitment that's longlasting. The point of that is to actually bound the man and the woman together. But there's so much breaks. Every time you put a break on the natural process, you diminish and destroy the polarity and mutual respect that you have for each other. Because you know what you tell each other?

[00:10:59]Really, I can put you on hold. And for people that agree to that, there won't be any value. Enjoy being disrespected in the relationship. Being engaged is not the same thing as being married.

[00:11:10]Being engaged, listen to me, is not the same thing as being married. You are not in covenant. You did not make a vow. I know he gave you a ring that cost a whole lot of money. I know he constantly remind you about it. I know that you would do you said yes and it was a big moment. You are not his wife, bro. She is not your wife.

[00:11:33]You are not her husband.

[00:11:35]Y'all get what I'm saying? Like, bro, it it like guys, we cannot conflate these two things. Well, we've been together for 16 years and we we own a home together and we have 12 kids and you know, we might as well. No, emotionally, spiritually. Spiritually aside, cuz some of y'all don't care about that. That's that's fine. Legally.

[00:11:53]Legally, y'all are married. That should be enough for a lot of y'all. Legally, y'all aren't married. Act like it. What do you mean? Oh, Uncle Sam don't recognize it. Why should you? Like, what's going on, y'all? For real.

[00:12:04]talking about I'm a stay-at-home girlfriend. I'm a stay-at-home fiance.

[00:12:10]>> What about those of us who've been engaged for five plus years, no wedding plans? Ma'am, you've been engaged for five plus years. Oh yeah, ma'am. You're like you're acting like you're a nice side piece to his main dish. You acting like you're the mac and cheese to his fried chicken that he has somewhere else. Man, this this man has a whole another family somewhere.

[00:12:30]But this is good mac and cheese because Oh, he keeps his belly full. Oh, he's loving this. His fried chicken somewhere at home. He might even have kids, man. I don't even know.

[00:12:39]But you're not acting like a wife. I'll tell you that right now. Cuz a wife would not. And I'm not here to judge who wants to or who doesn't want to be a wife. But if you want to be married, you haven't made it a requirement to marry you to continue this relationship.

[00:12:53]You're acting like mac and cheese to his fried chicken on the side. And he don't want the if he don't feel a threat that mac and cheese is going to leave, he's going his belly is going to be full.

[00:13:04]It is. It's going to be full because he doesn't feel threatened that you might bounce out of here. Ladies, I don't like this. This doesn't sit well with my stomach.

[00:13:16]>> No, this this five plus year engagement thing. This don't sit well with my stomach at all. It sits well with his.

[00:13:24]That fried chicken mac and cheese go very well.

[00:13:25]>> Is it a red flag if you're engaged for years and never get married?

[00:13:30]>> I mean, I think so. Oh, I mean, look, I don't think it's necessarily problematic if you make a decision together that you're never going to get married.

[00:13:37]You're just going to be committed to each other. I think that's fine as long as that's a decision the two of you arrive at together. And I also think it's fine if you say like, "Hey, I want the, you know, the fairy tale wedding. I want my family there. I want that commitment. You know, I I want the memorialization of that legally and otherwise." Um, that's fine, too. But I think I've never really understood the twix in between. It shouldn't be a situation where you're like engaged but you're not married. Like that always like indicates to me either one person never really wanted to do it to begin with or they're having second thoughts or you know it besp speaks larger problems about the relationship. So, like I said before, if she wants it, then that's fine. Because for me personally, um if you're a woman and you know that you want to get married, and you are one of those women who have been thinking about your your wedding day, your marriage, the dress you're going to wear, you know, where you're going to have your wedding, and so on and so forth. Do not let any manipulate you out of it. Okay? Do not let any man make you wait so many years before they decide for you. Because thing is you can find somebody else who is willing to do that in 6 months to a year after you've been engaged in 6 months to a year or two. I know there are couples who wait two years, three years, even five years.

[00:15:05]I've heard some maybe 10, but 53 years I haven't come across that yet. I think this is the first time. And every day I see something new on Tik Tok. I learn something new on Tik Tok every single day. So yeah, I'm a bit surprised, but I'm not surprised. You know, like I always say, it's not like it can't happen. It's happening. I'm sure there's somebody out there who's probably been engaged for 60 years, maybe 70 years, and you know, they they they've not come out with a video of them getting married. So, hey. Yeah. But I think for me, this is maybe one of the longest ones. All right. So, like I said before, if you don't want to get married, then that's fine. If you don't want to get married, you don't want to get married, you the engagement ring is enough, you're fine, then that's fine. But if you want marriage, do not let any man convince you out of it, give you a shut up ring and, you know, milk you for so many years, string you along for so many years, have you, you know, have babies with them, do the whole family thing, partnership, whatever it is with them, do all of that, drag you through hell and back, you know, because with things like this, most of the times, like Miss Shondaanda says, because, you know, he still thought he was going to find somebody out there and then he ended up not finding the person and then you know it got to that place and it's like you know what let's do it now because now I'm I'm not going anywhere let's get married you know and I know someone will say well better late than never and like I said if that's what you want and that's fine but if that's not what you want I repeat do not let any man talk you out of it manipulate you out of it string you along you know waste your time do all these years yeah trying to prove that you are worth a wedding. You are worth the commitment. You are worth walking down the aisle or maybe in this instance in the city with the bouquet you created. And yeah, do not let any man do that to you.

[00:17:10]That's all I'm saying. Okay? But at the end of the day, if she's happy, I'm happy. I'm happy for her.

[00:17:16]Congratulations to them on their wedding. But the internet and the comment section is is crazy on this one.

[00:17:25]Yeah. So yeah, one more thing I'm going to add is what you allow is what continues. Okay, you set the tone.

[00:17:33]That's what we call standard. So how your relationship is going to go, your marriage is going to go. So yeah, if you don't like something, say it. If you have to leave, leave. If you must replace them, replace them. Don't sit there and collect disgrace. That's all I'm saying. All right, by anyh who, let me know your thoughts and I'll see you again another one. Take care of yourselves and one another.