SIGNS YOU DO NOT ACTUALLY LIKE HIM

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]We need to talk about something between the two of us. Okay. Signs you do not actually like him. I know. I know.

[00:00:07]Welcome or welcome back to the pod. If you're new here, make sure to subscribe because we've been doing girl talk episodes literally almost every single day. Um, so yeah, subscribe and let me know what video you guys want to see next in the comments because I've been taking them directly from the comments.

[00:00:21]And let's get into signs you do not actually like him. We need to talk because sometimes when you think you have this like obsessive crush, you actually don't like him. And Bessie, before you go insane over a guy that you barely know, I want you to like think about these questions and see like, do I actually like him or am I just kind of addicted to like this feeling? Because there's a huge difference. And before you invest all of your time and energy into this guy, I want you to realize whether or not you actually like him. I have literally fallen into the trap of thinking I like someone only to be like, "Wait, I don't actually think I don't actually think I liked you. I think I just like liked the adrenaline of this.

[00:00:57]I don't want you guys wasting your time or thinking that you like someone when you actually don't. And chances are sometimes when you say you're like obsessed with a guy, you actually aren't. And so I want you to know for real when you have true feelings for someone versus when you're just addicted to like the chase. So let's talk about signs you do not actually like him so you don't drive yourself insane.

[00:01:17]Sometimes we like the attention and the fantasy and the delusion delusionalness of it all more than we actually like the guy. Okay? And so this is how you can actually tell if you have feelings for him or if it's in your head. Number one, do you like the chase more than him?

[00:01:35]Guys, this is like this is like so important. You like the chase more than him? I'm going to need you to be so real with yourself because sometimes the reason we think we like someone is because they're unpredictable. Think about it. Sometimes it's like exciting when you don't know what they're going to do next. And that's actually the reason you like them, but it's like not real attraction or love. You're just kind of addicted to like the highs and lows of it. And that's like psychology, okay? There's actual like real brain science in this. When your brain can't predict when it's going to get like these dopamine spikes from this person, that's what makes it kind of like addicting. And sometimes you don't actually like this person or you don't actually know this person, but you're kind of addicted to like the chase of it all. I want you to think about like regular life with this person, okay? Not the constant push and pull of like, does he like me? Not like the crush phase, not the talking stage phase. I want you to think if you had if you had access to this person every single day consistently, you guys were doing life together, would you still like him?

[00:02:34]Would you like him through like the boring days? Would you like him through like the mundane everyday? Because if the answer is no, or if the answer is like, I don't even know what he's like dayto-day, you probably don't actually like him. Like I want you to think of a scenario where you have no mixed signals. You completely this guy is completely clear with you and you know he likes you and now you're doing like every single day together. Is it still fun in your head? Or do you even know what he would be like every single day?

[00:02:59]A lot of girls confuse emotional unavailability with like chemistry. They think, "Oh my gosh, this is like so push and pull. It's so movie plot. It's so TV show." But actually, girl, you just like don't really know him or he's just like not consistent. And that can be addicting. But it's like you have to retrain your brain to know what love is and what you deserve. And what you deserve is consistency. And love is like loving everyday mundane life together.

[00:03:26]It's not always about like these incredible plot twists and and highs and lows. It's like supposed to be stable and it's supposed to be consistent.

[00:03:35]Sometimes we get used to chaos and we think chaos is like sparks or chemistry.

[00:03:42]You don't want chaos long term. Chaos means you actually like can't predict this person and who knows if they're even going to be good to you down the line. Like I would rather be so secure.

[00:03:50]AND I TRUST ME, I'm I've done this guys.

[00:03:53]I'm not speaking out of a place of like this is how you're supposed to be and I'm perfect. No. I've literally I'm telling you this because I've liked guys who have literally tortured my brain cells and they're like so wishy-washy and they don't know what they want and it's exhausting. It's literally exhausting to know guys like that or be interested in guys like that because they will put you through the ringer and at the end of the day they still don't know what they want. And so yes, it's exciting when like you get an unexpected text or call from them and yes it can feel like oh my gosh it's so good when it's good and it's like that's why I'm chasing it. But like you don't want that long term. That is so tiring, so exhausting. Bestie, I promise there's someone out there who's just going to choose you. Just going to choose you for you and like want to commit to that every single day. And that's love. So sometimes we got to like retrain and relearn what love is. Because nowadays it's just so normal to like be in situationships, be with people who give you mixed signals, settle. And like we cannot be settling. Like I'm telling you right now face to face. I don't want to see you settle. I'm calling this out because I know it's fun and I know that it's really tempting to be with people like this, but like it's not love. The next sign you do not actually like him is if you barely know it. This is a common one and I've done this countless times in school. Honestly, it's like a hallway crush or like a crush in class and it's like you watch them from afar, you think they're cute, you think you know what they would be like when you guys date, but you actually have no idea. like you actually have not hung out with this person. You don't know what they're like or you haven't gathered enough information and research to like really know what this person's like. And that means that you're literally liking an idea of them that you created in your head. It's not their real personality.

[00:05:35]We need to be realistic and like come back into the present and be like, "Wait, did they ever actually say that to me or did I imagine it? Did we ever actually go on a date or did I imagine what it would be like to date them?"

[00:05:46]Because a lot of the times you don't actually know them. And I'm so guilty of this. I live in my head. And I'll literally like make up what they would be like in a relationship, but they've never proven themselves to me. That's you need to remember that this person needs to earn your attention. Like you are the prize and you are worth so much and you have such a beautiful heart that like I've told you guys this before. You need to protect your heart. And so just letting anyone in when you barely know them is not the way to be. And also just giving someone the credit of like, "Oh my gosh, he's this amazing guy." When you don't know him, you're doing yourself a disservice. you need to get to know this person and put them against your like tests and standards and see if they actually are worth your time before you start crushing and getting obsessed because I've literally been that girl who's like met someone 5 minutes ago and gone to my friends and been like guys I just met my husband. I didn't know anything about them. Also, I'm the type where like if I get to know someone within like a week I'm like oh my gosh like this could be something like I get I get so excited. And the truth is kind of the best way to date and like figure out if you like someone is to go super slow because also people like put on their best selves for the first like 3 months that you know them and then you can kind of figure out what they're actually like. But it takes time. If you're just getting to know someone like actually take it so slow because it's the best way to protect yourself and see if they're actually in it for the long run. You don't know this person. You don't know what their intentions are.

[00:07:08]All I'm saying is like get to know them before you think you like them or you like claim it to your friends that you met your husband. Like do you care more about being wanted?

[00:07:20]I'm sorry to call you out, but sometimes we're like addicted to the attention and not the guy.

[00:07:26]Sometimes it's just nice to feel like somebody likes you and it's not even about like them. It's like more about you. And we just have to be real with ourselves, okay? We can't be lying to ourselves. Like, do you actually like the qualities of this person or are you excited to get a text back? Do you actually like his like personality and how he is or do you just like the compliments he gives you? There's a big difference of liking the attention a guy gives you and liking the guy. And a lot of the times girls get that confused because it is nice obviously to feel wanted and it's nice to feel like someone like sees your worth and values you. I need you to put your standards back on the table too and be like, "Wait, do I like this person? Is this what I like imagine myself being with?"

[00:08:10]Like, I'm not saying people can't be different than you thought. If you're only into this person or you only started liking them because the attention they give you, it's not a good enough reason to like someone. Like, you have to actually think, would this person be a good boyfriend, be potentially a good husband? Like, I don't know. Just like actually like, do you actually like his qualities as a human? I always think this to myself. If somebody told This is like the biggest crush test ever. This is the best question to ask yourself when you have a crush to see if it's like real or not because this has literally sobered me so many times. Okay. If somebody told you, "Oh my gosh, you're exactly like him."

[00:08:53]Would you take that as a compliment?

[00:08:58]I'll pause for dramatic effect.

[00:09:01]A lot of the times the answer to that is no. And in that case, you don't actually like him. You like the attention. Isn't that crazy? A lot of the times girls like actually wouldn't take that as a compliment because they actually don't like the qualities of the guy because they like the attention or the version of the guy that they like is in their head. Sometimes you just have to see what's directly in front of you and like be so for real. Be so for real cuz I know it's easy to get delusional. And I know when your life is dry, it's so tempting to like create a romantic scenario. But there's no reason to settle because there's like always going to be better out there and you're never asking for too much. If this guy isn't meeting your standards, if you feel like you actually don't like some stuff about him when you really think about it, I don't want you to feel like there's like a lack of guys out there. Sometimes it can feel like that. Like if you're like in a town where you're growing up or you're like at a college campus, like sometimes it feels like, "No, I found this one guy and that's all I'm ever going to find." And it's just not true.

[00:09:56]It's just not true. I promise you're never asking for too much. And there is going to be someone out there that meets your standards and you do not have to settle. Okay? I don't ever want you guys to feel like you have to settle or like ask for less because you're not like you're not asking for too much. Yeah. I just want you guys to be careful about when you say you have a crush or you say you're obsessed with this guy. Do you even know him? Do you know if he would protect you? If he would love you right?

[00:10:22]If he is patient? If he's kind? Do you know if he's a good-hearted person? Do you know if he's not an angry person?

[00:10:33]Like there are so many tests of getting to know someone before you say you like them. Get to know their character. like see if they actually would be a good match for you. And chemistry does not always equal a good person. I had to learn that the hard way. Sometimes I got I used to get so caught up in like, oh my gosh, like we have good chemistry, so they're meant to be. Like that's my soulmate. And that's just not true because I literally knew they were not a good person, but because we had chemistry, I was like, oh, like they're just different around me. Like we just have a special connection. If you find yourself saying any of that, out the door, okay? We need to be so for real.

[00:11:08]We literally need to be I need a matcha break. Hold on.

[00:11:14]I put peppermint oil, no peppermint extract in my matcha today. It is so good. I love a peppermint matcha. It makes it feel like Christmas and I really love that. Oh my gosh, I might listen to Christmas music after this.

[00:11:29]Anyway, I don't want you guys to settle.

[00:11:32]There's good people out there with good hearts who will also have good chemistry with you and choose you. Make sure that you have your standards up. You're not just settling for any Joe Schmo on the street who you slightly smile at and have chemistry with. What is he like?

[00:11:44]Get to know his personality. Get to know who he is. Get to know who he surrounds himself with. Hang out with him. Have real conversations. Don't just make up his personality in your head. Figure out if it's actual delusion or if he's actually a good match for you before you say you like somebody. Okay, bestie. I love you guys and I want you to have high standards and just not settle. You deserve the best. You deserve the world.

[00:12:05]And I love you guys. And yeah, thanks for watching, listening. If you're listening to the pod, if you're watching the pod, thank you for being here. Um, if you're new here, make sure to subscribe and follow Real Talk podcast.

[00:12:16]If you guys don't know, there's an audio version on Spotify, Apple, wherever you listen to podcasts. You can always listen to this on the go. I love you, bestie boos, and I will talk to you in the next one. You can follow me on everything. My name is Nikki Patton, and go listen to my song, Hourglass. It's out now. I wrote a song about when you keep going back to somebody, like the same person over and over. And um yeah, it's out. I have three songs out. If you guys don't know, I sing and make music.

[00:12:38]So, I probably have something for your love life. I actually have a crush song called Cata that you guys should go listen to. Anyway, I love you, bestie boos, and I will talk to you in the next one.

[00:12:48]Love you pooky.