why no one really gets you.

Added: 2026-05-10

[00:00:00]Do you guys see this breeze? Do you guys see this right now? I am outside. This is my first outside video. This is [ __ ] crazy. Dear Dear Dia is touching grass today. Honestly, the real reason why I'm out here is because I need to get over my fear of being perceived because people are going to be coming outside of their house looking at me like I'm crazy, but I have to get used to that because, you know, I'm a content creator now. Geez. If you guys want to feel like you're with me right now, just get a fan and like feel the breeze and you'll basically feel like you're here with me.

[00:00:25]There was a realization that I had recently and that is nobody really knows and understands the complexities of identity. Like nobody really understands that their identity is like very complex, that there's layers to it and if they do understand it, there's like a surface level understanding about the fact that yes, I am a layered person.

[00:00:41]But besides that, we think in society that we have to portray a specific image of ourselves and I realized I used to do that like all the time when I was younger. Like straight up, I would think that I have to fit into a certain category, be this type aesthetic, I can only do this, I can't do the other. And that was my mindset. So I thought I had to just side with one thing because that's what people want. Keyword, what people want, not what you want. You guys know the whole thing of like if you don't love yourself, how do you expect other people to love you and vice versa?

[00:01:07]I feel like that's really realistic because when you think about it, if you can't love yourself, what makes you think that you're going to choose a good love for yourself? I mean, you don't even think you're deserving of love cuz you won't give it to yourself. So what makes you think you're going to suddenly choose a very great partner for you?

[00:01:19]I've seen it time and time again where people will self-sabotage relationships because we accept the love we think we deserve. Do you guys know that quote?

[00:01:26]Let me know if you know that quote. Was that from Perks of Being a Wallflower?

[00:01:29]Honestly, if you don't love yourself, you don't think that you're worthy of love. So what are you going to do?

[00:01:32]You're going to chase other people's love, but you're going to realize that it doesn't fill your cup because it was never meant to. While you're chasing other people's validation, they don't give a [ __ ] about you. You're in some toxic ass relationship and you can't leave because you become attached to it.

[00:01:44]That isn't to say I think love is impossible if you don't love yourself. I think relationships can make people love themselves even more if they have a very supportive partner. But again, I think in those instances it's low-key kind of rare. I feel like you have to have an established sense of like love for yourself before you even get into those type of things. Okay, editing Dia here.

[00:02:00]I'm sure I meant well, but I think that sentence just sounded like a straight contradiction. My point was when you don't really love yourself and don't have a base of self-understanding and love, you don't really get or understand how to be loved. And so even if you come across a good partner, you're less likely to choose them or recognize them and clock them as a good partner because you don't really understand that you don't have a base of that. You need to understand that if you have a lack of something, sometimes you don't even understand the concept of it. Like people will grow up in toxic environments and they will grow up and they will not understand the concept of whatever people are trying to tell them.

[00:02:32]Like some people never learn emotional maturity because they were never shown that growing up or a healthy relationship because they were never shown that growing up. It is the exact same thing when people don't understand you. The reason they don't understand you, the reason they don't understand the complexity of who you are is because they don't understand the complexity of who they are. Half the people in this society don't know who they are. Another quarter of those people don't really understand the complexity of human nature or how we are the way that we are. And I guess that realization is lonely. I guess that is because once you actually understand that you're a layered person and you understand that everybody in society is layered, they just choose to hide it, you kind of just have to blend into society or else everybody's going to look at you like you're some sort of freak. It's it's honestly weird. You can show so many sides of yourself and people will look at one and they will cherry-pick and they're like, I want to believe this about you and it will be influenced by environmental factors like where they grew up or like what they've seen growing up, what they see as like weird, what they see as cool and they will choose based on that how to view you. So when people think you're stupid, when people think you're cringey, they don't even have an accurate assumption of you.

[00:03:33]All of it is based off of their own intel and most of their intel is [ __ ] [ __ ] anyways. Some people will know exactly who they are and even when they're in private, it's not just public, they will not be who they are.

[00:03:42]They will literally act like they're somebody else. They will do that when they're in a private. And I realized I do this sometimes. Like when I'm journaling in my journal, sometimes I be [ __ ] lying in that. I'm not going to lie. Humans want to think that we're good. Like we want to feel like we're inherently good people and that's not a wrong thing, that's not a bad thing, but it shows that that's where our priorities are. Our priorities are not growing and not working on ourselves because we want to appear that we're just good. But the whole point about being good is working and improving yourself. Even if you understand that, the stigma of accountability is literally terrifying to most people. And I'm not even joking, guys. When I was younger, I would literally get mad at people for like faking their personalities. I would get mad at people for not being authentic. Like I would just not understand the concept that like not everybody is strong in who they are and not only that, but people are scared and it makes sense because it's the way that society has shaped us to be. I look at my past videos and I see the way I used to talk to the camera and it's just like so much repressed anger and I can just see it like in myself.

[00:04:38]Mind you, I was probably like [ __ ] angsty teen, okay? How old was I? 16?

[00:04:42]Like I used to [ __ ] judge people all the time. I'd get pissed off when I saw people pleaser because I'd be like, why the [ __ ] are you just like so weak-minded? Like that's genuinely how I thought. And now I see it as just such a closed-minded take. I think that's such a closed-minded way of thinking. But it's so funny cuz that was the whole point of this channel. It was literally for growth and like watching myself grow throughout the years. So I guess that's the [ __ ] point. It served its purpose. And yeah, I think it's a closed-minded take to look at people pleasers or look at people that, you know, are scared to be themselves as weak-minded because society has literally programmed us to be like that.

[00:05:12]Like if you can break out of that, I mean, good for you, but most people don't get to that point and you can't blame somebody for being slower on their healing journey than you are. And when you really think about it at the end of the day, none of us are authentically ourselves like fully, like 100%. We all have certain versions of ourselves that we put out there for people to perceive.

[00:05:28]That's literally what the ego is. That's what the persona is. There's a beautiful diagram by Carl Young where he talks about the three stages of wholeness.

[00:05:35]It's like the ego, the self and the shadow. This diagram is really interesting because it highlights the fact that the ego exists in all of us.

[00:05:42]This is literally just us. Now this might be a hot take, but personally, I kind of hate when people say ego death, when they say get rid of the ego because the ego is impossible to get rid of.

[00:05:50]We're all going to have a sliver of ego no matter how much you like it or not.

[00:05:53]It doesn't matter how much healing you do, I don't think that you can have like an ego death. I don't think you could just get rid of the ego because the ego makes up who you are. It's a component of your authentic self. To even have a hypothetical ego death, you literally have to go down, confront the shadow and be like, hi.

[00:06:09]Um want to unlearn this cuz I don't want this anymore. And what is the shadow?

[00:06:12]The shadow is unconscious or conscious beliefs or patterns that still affect you whether that be from trauma or how you grew up. And through that, it creates self-doubt, it creates thought patterns, it creates stigma, taboos and I don't know about you guys, but personally, I can tell when no one has done work on themselves. I can tell when no one has confronted that shadow because they act exactly like somebody who has repressed rage, has repressed trauma and repressed issues that they just never [ __ ] resolved. And most of the time when someone feels small down there, they Okay. When people feel small inside, they want their outside to appear bigger and that's why people have such a [ __ ] huge ego because they don't go and they don't confront the shadow. It's scary to confront the shadow, but at the end of the day, it is your job to do so or else you will traumatize not only yourself, but everyone around you. And if you really want to get to know who you are authentically, you have to confront both of those sides of yourself and that's why it's so hard. That's why there's such an emphasis on shadow work because if you do not actually work on those things and you don't unlearn patterns, they start to affect your reality. I've seen it time and time again. There is people that want to do things and they believe they can't do it because they have self-doubt based on what happened to them in the past, but they don't heal through it because they don't feel like they can't. And also, that isn't to say like I'm fully healed either. That isn't to say I know everything because uh girl, we're all [ __ ] growing. We're all improving in this [ __ ] okay? This is [ __ ] life. I hate it. And when people used to be outwardly like very hateful towards me or they would bully me, I used to be very upset and I used to be mad and I used to be very vengeful. I want to get revenge on them because I was like, why did you make me, you know, go through all this, blah blah blah. But then there was a realization and as shitty as this does sound, I think I give them compassion because you have to understand most people are so miserable and that's the only thing they want to put out into the world because that's all they understand. You know, when people sit there and they think I'm such a weirdo, I've done way more healing work than you and it's clear that you haven't done that and I'm not judging you for that. I'm not making fun of you and I don't think I'm better than you for that. What I am saying is that I'm not going to let it affect me. I'm not going to let an unhealed person affect my level of confidence, affect my level of authenticity and affect my world. Why the [ __ ] should you even do that in the first place? Nine out of 10 times, you will notice the same people that are [ __ ] on you, making fun of you, trying to act like what you're doing is cringey would never be able to suffice in your shoes. I'm so serious.

[00:08:23]So just remember the next time someone shits on you, somebody says something shady, most of the time they're not even okay up there either. So it's like I don't even know how long I've been out here. If you've been watching my videos for a while, you know that I'm like a huge perfectionist that's like always doing retakes of these even though sometimes it comes out amazing, I'm just like too perfectionistic about them. You know, I think I'm going to end this video here. If you guys enjoyed, please like, comment and subscribe and let me know if you want more videos outside. I feel like this really helps me think.

[00:08:49]When I'm in my room for too long, I get like all up in my head and my brain basically gets congested. It's already congested enough, but when I'm outside, [music] it's almost like the vitamin D from the sun and the vibe outside just gets my mind clear. Maybe it's nature.

[00:09:02]Maybe they're right. Maybe when, you know, the spiritual community tells you to go outside, they're not lying. I mean, [ __ ] If you guys haven't subscribed for a while, I do want to tell you guys that if I take forever to make a video, my Tik Tok will always be posted on. I'm very very active on Tik Tok, so I suggest you go follow that. As always, thank you guys so much for watching this video. If you enjoyed, please like, comment and subscribe and if you haven't already, Instagram and Tik Tok in the description. Go go follow. Go support. Bye guys.