The TRUTH About Red Pandas?! - Casual Geographic Reaction | Maddiekuma Reacts

Added: 2026-05-19

[00:00:00]It's like brother from another mother, okay? They may not be related by DNA, but they are related by their shared love for bamboo, and I think that's beautiful.

[00:00:18]Red pandas are the paralysis demon of depression and the first thing it sees after hearing boss music. The red panda is the cutest thing alive that will take the lives of other animals. But it's so cute. There's lots of cute predator animals, right? We'll get into that. Red pandas are so cute that off instinct I almost don't trust them. They're built like a deliberate distraction. For what?

[00:00:43]What? Give him a briefcase and he looks like he's going to sell me awful financially crippling insurance. And for the last time, I am absolutely on board.

[00:00:50]The red panda is so adorable, it's almost too good to be true. And like health care and insurance payouts, they actually are. This animal is not what you think it is. The internet will have you believing it's a wholesome ginger chunkus, ooh, raccoon and panda adjacent. But I know the truth and I will be exposing them. But first, this video was sponsored by absolutely no one except my personal biases. Let's get it.

[00:01:09]First of all, the red panda is the biggest victim of cloud jacking in nature. This is actually the original panda.

[00:01:16]Let me explain. The red panda was first described in 1825 by zoologist Frédéric Cuvier who called it the cutest, most beautiful animal he'd ever seen and even gave it the scientific name Ailurus fulgens, which literally means fire cat.

[00:01:28]And they earned the panda name from the Nepali word bonya, meaning bamboo eater.

[00:01:33]Sound familiar? [music] Well, the obese bamboo eating bean chair of a bear was first described in 1869 by Pierre Armand David, I'm sorry, David. They inherited the panda name because folks saw me bamboo and were like, "Damn, him, too?"

[00:01:45]and assumed the two bonyas were related.

[00:01:47]So yeah, this panda was actually named after that panda. Yeah, I knew long ago that we weren't actually related, but I still love red pandas. They look so cute. Almost 50 years after the fact.

[00:02:00]And somehow even with half a century handicap, the second panda managed to lap the premier panda in popularity. So much that the OP, original panda, is now called the lesser panda. Now there is an argument that lesser just refers to size, which is why the giant panda gets body shamed in its own name. But I already don't appreciate gibbons being clocked as lesser apes, much less a commie raccoon being a lesser anything.

[00:02:21]But it's actually worse for the red panda cuz these two pandas aren't related. Giant pandas are bears and people should look up panda attacks to remember that. Red pandas are What? What? We'll get to that, but they're not bears. They're not even remotely related, which means the DreamWorks Jackie borrowed the name from an animal it's not even related to 50 years after, stole its identity and left it with lesser. So now, not only does Google acknowledge the biracial bear first when you look up panda, even people that try standing up for the original accidentally overcorrect by saying, "You know, red pandas aren't actually pandas." Except they are. They are the bonyas. They came first. I can't think Look, look, I respected, but I feel like that's not that big of a deal. I will say maybe they don't appreciate being called lesser. Maybe they deserve their own name. of another animal that's had that happen to it.

[00:03:08]Except maybe penguins. Penguins got their name from looking like a bird they're not even related to, but at least the great auk is extinct. Red pandas are still here, albeit they're endangered, which is actually another issue I have.

[00:03:19]Cuz giant pandas would end up becoming the poster child of endangered species and would even be immortalized as a World Wildlife Fund logo. That's true, but but wasn't that only because they are black and white and that's really easy to print? Isn't that the only reason the panda made it? And you can't even point to pretty privilege. Red pandas are obscenely pretty. But when you save a nonprofit money on printing fees by being black and white, you get the nod as the logo. That's not even a joke. The price of color printing got the red panda passed over. They probably wouldn't have gotten the credit anyway because if you know this logo, you know the company Firefox. And the Firefox mascot was based on a red panda. As adorable as they are, red pandas have been shoved to the shadows. But what if I told you this all could have and honestly should have been avoided? Cuz remember, I said the reds were first described in 1825 by Cuvier.

[00:04:08]Except not really. It was actually General Thomas Hardwicke who's credited with introducing the fire panda to the Western [music] world and even did a presentation at the Linnean Society in London with what's considered the first ever red panda painting in Europe in 1821. Like Cuvier, Hardwicke also wrote about them. Except in his report, he didn't call it a panda.

[00:04:28]He called it a wah. Wah. But despite writing the report in 1821, Hardwicke's work wasn't published until 1827. With Cuvier's work out 2 years earlier, he got the naming rights and red panda stuck. Thomas could have just locked in a little earlier, we'd be calling this a wah or a chiwah and who knows what butterfly effect followed. Oh, I was thinking Waluigi. My bad. Close. So yeah, red pandas got shafted and as you can tell, I'm fed up for them. But being compared to a bear, retconned as a raccoon, Firefox and fire cat, begs the question, [music] if it's none of these, what even is a red panda? Wait, I thought it would be closest to a raccoon. Guess I have been deceived. All right, let's do this one last time. With mammals, there's two classes of carnivores, feliform and caniform. Team cat and team dog. I'm sure you've heard this all before. And I'm team dog. I mean, I'm a bear, so yeah. And caniformia is made up of dogs of all kinds, including steroid solo dogs, sea dogs, stink dogs, shiesty dogs, and dogs with a Napoleon complex.

[00:05:31]It was the bear family Ursidae and the raccoon family Procyonidae that split custody as early scientists classified the red panda as part of one or the other. But DNA research determined that the wah was more like a what and was placed in its own family of Ailuridae, of which is the only surviving member.

[00:05:47]However, further DNA studies as early as 20 years ago put the red panda under the Musteloidea superfamily umbrella. And if that's confusing, mustelids are the family of miniature caniform crash outs and weasel rage we all know and love.

[00:05:59]Look, that's tough. Musteloidea is a superfamily that hosts the mustelids, skunks, raccoons, [music] raccoon equivalents, and now the red panda. So while their closest cousins are these guys, the red panda is more like a living fossil that diverts from the other caniforms pretty early on. So it's it's like it's it's more like they're their own thing. And while the ones we know are the last man standing, the red panda party used to be packed. For example, Simocyon batalleri was an ailurid about the size of a cougar that would have had jaws on the level of a hyena. That would have been an American problem. But today, we're left with a much cuter version, which actually has two species, the Chinese and the Himalayan red panda. And if you can't tell them apart, neither could science until like 2020 cuz that's when it was widely accepted that these are two separate species. But honestly, I probably shouldn't be so hard on scientists for confusing them with bears. It's not like the reds made it easy. Obviously, both bonyas are absolute [ __ ] for bamboo. But what was really confusing was both managed to evolve the same false thumb, a pseudo thumb whose purpose is to help them grip bamboo. Reminder, they're not related, but with the same thumb emerging, same test, same answers means evolution's converging. They're just like besties who are vibing on the same level. It's like brother from another mother, okay? They may not be related by DNA, but they are related by their shared love for bamboo, and I think that's beautiful. There is one thing they don't have in common. Why are red pandas red while the bigger mammal's monochrome? Well, with the giant variety, the pandas are actually the color of compromise. It's believed they have white fur to blend into the snowy climate, black limbs to match the shade, black ears to intimidate predators and look like a threat, but black eye spots to help individuals recognize each other. That's literal face ID. And science says having an awful diet is why. Because bamboo gives them so little, they'll never be able to store enough fat to hibernate. And with them being constantly on the move to look for food, they can't molt their fur fast enough to match their environment.

[00:07:54]That's why I said compromise. It's the best nature could do. Red pandas are like the pretty privileged sloths of Asia because they spend 90% of their lives in the trees and they spend most of that sleeping. Go see one in a zoo and you'll see what I mean.

[00:08:08]Yeah, this is worth the car ride, the train ride, the path train ride, and the price of admission. Look, they're so real for that. I get it. If I was a red panda, you wouldn't catch me entertaining some humans. I'd be sleeping all day. Valid.

[00:08:23]Me.

[00:08:25]Oh, never mind.

[00:08:28]It was, however, worth the parking ticket I got.

[00:08:32]Red white fur means the wah disappears in fir trees covered by reddish moss and white lichen. But of course, the most famous thing these two have in common is their choice of diet. They fully committed to lives as bamboo sinks, so much that the giant bonya actually lost their ability to taste meat. You might catch a bear trying a dead wildebeest [music] or merking a peacock, but virtually all their protein comes from bamboo. It's even been found that giant pandas have a sweet tooth with them preferring natural sugars over water.

[00:09:00]Red pandas move to a similar beat of being mostly for bamboo. They'll also mix it up with fruits, nuts, blossoms, the occasional egg, birds, mice. Oh. I told you. But red pandas also have a sweet tooth and it's believed they're the only non-primate mammal able to taste artificial sweeteners with the wahs showing a preference for fake sugar like sucralose and aspartame, which makes the sugar fox the only mammal without thumbs that can appreciate NutraSweet and Splenda. Hi guys. If you're enjoying this video, don't forget to like and subscribe.

[00:09:30]Thank you. The last thing they have in common might not seem that special, but it is to me. Red pandas being pregnant for an average of 130 days might not seem like a lot until you realize cats their size carry kittens for just over 60. And it's because like giant pandas, red pandas experience delayed implantation, which basically means they can procrastinate pregnancy by having the fertilized embryo just float around Huh? before implanting.

[00:09:54]I didn't know this was a thing. They're like, "Man, I'm really not in the mood for pregnancy right now. I'll give it a couple months and then we can we can put it in, you know?" Smart. Means red pandas can put pregnancy on pause and wait till the best possible condition to have kids. Sometimes it takes 90 days, sometimes over 5 months. Both pandas can do this, but to be fair, so can a lot of mammals, like over 100. What?

[00:10:16]>> Red pandas have anywhere from one to four cubs, each the size of a stick of butter, and each managing to be cuter than the original. They shadow Mama Bunia for about a year, learning everything about how to panda. But by far, the absolute cutest thing about them is that at about 6 weeks, the ginger cubs reach what has scientifically been referred to as the crackhead phase. Oh.

[00:10:36]>> Many animals use play to sharpen the skills they'll need later in life, and precocious pandas will play with and pounce on anything, often their parents in a period that has been called the popcorn phase. It's so sweet, I think I have diabetes. I don't care what y'all think or what it costs, I'll tank any consequences to have this in my house.

[00:10:53]Is what I would say if I didn't know the truth. Red pandas are not what you think they are. What? I was just enjoying the cute footage. Don't ruin it. I'm just going to stop the video here. That's right. Or if not friend, why friend-shaped? How about I show you what adopting a bunia would do to your life?

[00:11:10]Cuz you'd end up hating both. Okay, adopting. We're not adopting wild animals. I meant more like looking at footage and enjoying it.

[00:11:19]Look, I have two cats and they're already a handful. I'm not getting any more pets. The day you brought one home, you'd notice a major difference between a fire cat and an actual cat. As much as cats would hate to admit it, cats are social animals and actually appreciate affection. Red pandas are solitary and only really tolerate their own kind when they're making or raising babies. And as zookeepers will tell you, unless you're carrying food, a living plush toy will barely acknowledge you. In fact, probably avoid you. The sick joke is the animal that's friend-shaped is not friendly at all. And they also really really hate being picked up. That's basically a threat. And while the red panda's first response to being threatened is adorable, their second choice is a lot less cute. The same semi-retractable claws for gripping trees would deliver one hell of an attitude adjustment the first time you try to play them for a pet. And the same jaws for crushing bamboo would easily make your hand see-through. Your house is their prison and solitary confinement is their mission and they'll maul the goodwill out of you. And as is the case with a lot of wild animals, human-raised red pandas are way more aggressive and trigger-happy with their temper. Also, their diet would bankrupt you, but it's the consequences of what they eat that would really be a problem. The red panda's poor diet means they can't digest most of it. So, not only do they have to eat glutinous amounts, what that means is red pandas can poop out their own body weight in waste in a week and drop bamboo-laden bowel bombs up to 40 times a day. That is so funny.

[00:12:39]Now, add that they constantly sent If in the context of having it as a pet, I mean. Imagine you have a pet that is just a poop machine.

[00:12:47]Actually, I think my cat Darth Vader kind of is. He I I don't know why, but it feels like he poops often. Maybe it's just because I always get a notification from the toilet on my phone. It's like, "Oh, Darth Vader went to the toilet.

[00:13:01]Darth Vader went to the toilet." Like, bro, how often are you having to [ __ ] What's going on?

[00:13:08]>> [snorts] >> And before anyone gets worried, we did go to the vet with him recently and he's absolutely fine. Mark with urine and your house would smell like a dog park in August. Almost forgot, red pandas sleep up to 17 hours a day, but are crepuscular, so the only times the panda would panda is when you're either getting ready to or trying to sleep. So, you'd be dead broke, sleep deprived up to your collar and caca and probably missing several fingers and possibly an eye. Not to mention, the rogue panda that's built for the cold and high altitude would lose its mind in your house and its susceptibility to disease is something you'd never emotionally or financially recover from. But it probably wouldn't even get that far because the other thing about bringing red pandas into your house, they will find a way out. That's a promise. Orangutans are definitely the animal that stresses out in closure engineers the most, but a red-faced ringtail is a close second. The rabbit hole of red pandas breaking out is hilariously extensive and also why you could not keep these bastards in Planet Zoo. I challenge you to Google red panda escapes, click news, and marvel at how many times a literal Harry Houdini has humbled humanity. I'm going to go through some of my favorites. The first documented red panda escape was in 1978 in the Rotterdam Zoo, aka the Heide Bloemen Dorp in Netherlands, and it created a phenomenon known as the red panda effect. Cuz even though the red panda was found, just tragically not alive, the zoo still received hundreds of calls and sightings claiming to have seen it, even a year after he had died.

[00:14:26]The red panda effect is now synonymous with the psychological phenomenon where people tend to see exactly what they're looking for, >> [music] >> even when it's not really there, and even provoke commentary on how the brain tends to fill in gaps in perception and can even alter that perception. Either that or big panda gaslit the hell out of the Dutch. In 2007, Yin the red panda made people wait 2 hours on the day for debut before showing herself. And after taking a brief look around, said, "Nah."

[00:14:50]and immediately escaped. Keepers responded by adding electrical wiring around her enclosure and that same month, she bypassed that wiring by using overhanging tree branches and got out again. But she never actually left the zoo. She climbed 30 ft up a tree and made the zoo director climb after her to get it. 10 years later, Sunny the red panda escaped, except this time, she fully left the zoo premises >> [music] >> and was never seen again, which is crazy cuz no shot no one clocked a red panda in Virginia, yet. She achieved freedom.

[00:15:17]Good for her. Somehow, after a bloodhound search, bamboo traps, drones, and a several-year manhunt, Sunny's still a ghost and the reason why? Well, the prevailing theory is that she got fed up with the constant amorous advances from a male named Thomas and eventually Andy Dufresne'd herself from him. It wouldn't be the last time cuz in 2023 in Poland, Ponzu the red panda broke out and would scale the highest tree he could find to get away from his overly going mate Maja. In December 2015 in the Hangzhou Zoo, a branch broke [music] in the panda cage under the weight of snow and the three reds inside climbed it and escaped. Two were immediately caught and returned, but the third remained a fugitive for months of wondering where he was or if he was even still alive, >> [music] >> he was eventually discovered in August of the next year, chilling in a tree not far from the zoo. And that's when his life on the lam came to an end. But the most famous red panda runaway was probably Rusty. Rusty the red panda was living in the Smithsonian Zoo and one morning in June 2013, staff returned to the enclosure to find it short exactly one Rusty. This led to a full-on manhunt as keepers feared that an animal that cute unsupervised in the Washington, D.C. was surely kidnapped. They took it to Twitter and Rusty broke the internet in a way you just had to be there for.

[00:16:27]It was an entire day where the world was on panda watch. Eventually, the internet did what it does, with even politicians on opposite sides getting involved. And Rusty's day off ended when he was found in the Adams Morgan neighborhood and brought back to the zoo. And while the best guess is branches weighed down by rain is how he escaped, zoo officials still aren't 100% sure how Rusty did it and even brought in a team of zoo experts, basically the Avengers of animal handlers, to investigate cuz he wasn't going to tell them and neither was his roommate Shama, who he was brought in to mate with and hopefully have kids with. Oh.

[00:16:58]This guy. If you wanted an update, Rusty continued living in D.C. and in 2014 was transferred to the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute with Shama, who he apparently warmed up to and had cubs with until he was transferred to the Pueblo Zoo in Colorado in 2019, where he had tragically and unexpectedly passed away in 2021. Oh. But not before adding to his legacy by having twins with another panda. RIP, Rusty. You got around in every possible way. The irony of red pandas constantly breaking out of zoos is we might not be far from a reality where zoos are the only place we can see them. The reason I made a big deal about the panda thing in the beginning isn't because I have beef with a bamboo bear.

[00:17:35]I've actually defended them on this channel. But while giant pandas have become the nepo babies of conservation and the face of endangered species, the giant panda has actually been off the endangered species list for about a decade. Meanwhile, the population of red pandas is estimated to be less than 10,000. And the word estimate's doing some heavy lifting. Some experts fear the real number's closer to less than a quarter of that. Red pandas still have a lot of things threatening their existence, like cheese. The mass production of local cheese popular with tourists and the ever-growing herds of livestock needed to fuel [music] it has been a disaster for many of the red pandas living in Nepal. As a switch from forest to grasslands for grazing is like the worst form of gentrification. Pandas getting outcompeted by Jody isn't the only problem. The same dogs used for herding can also end up mauling the endangered bunia. And that's on top of spreading diseases that can pack up the entire red panda population, with canine distemper being one of the worst. And like I said, you can't get away with being that cute without humanity trying to traffic you. There's other threats, too, but deforestation, dogs, and degeneracy from humans are the main things pushing the red panda to past tense. So, now that I've surely ruined the vibe and possibly your day, what can you do? One way is if you're going to be a tourist in Nepal, do it in a way that's sustainable and using an organization like Red Panda Network to help book eco-friendly, panda-approved trips. Another way is by talking about it. The power of yap is boundless.

[00:18:52]Spread the red panda propaganda. And I'm not saying they have to, but if we could get the WWF to change their logo, that'd be dope. Let's go. Let's go, WWF. Do it.

[00:19:01]You can make them black and white.

[00:19:03]Everyone would still recognize them, I think. Speaking of RPN, the easiest way would be by supporting Red Panda Network.

[00:19:10]>> Yo, it said you can adopt one. I'm so in. Let me check it out.

[00:19:13]>> Either by donating, which I'll be doing, and if you'd like to as well, I'll leave the link in the description, or even adopting a panda, the unproblematic way.

[00:19:20]Or you could volunteer, which now there's an idea for a video. But that's going to do it for this video. Drink water, hug your mother, touch grass, hug your father, never stop talking about the original panda. You have my permission to be annoying about it. And I'mma see y'all in the next one. Let's go. That was great. I learned a lot about them. I kind of already guessed that they would be terrible pets, so it wasn't too disappointing for me. I would have never wanted it as a pet anyways. I think they're quite lovely. I'll definitely be checking out the the that he mentioned and I hope you guys enjoyed this video.

[00:19:53]I'll see you guys for the next one.

[00:19:55]Bye-bye.