We turned personal style into a performance review

Ajouté : 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]A few weeks ago, I asked you all to send me your hottest fashion and style takes.

[00:00:04]And honestly, I expected people to argue about skinny jeans, color analysis, or whether beige trench coats are boring.

[00:00:11]But the more comments I read, the more I realized that people weren't actually arguing about clothes at all. They were arguing about what style is actually supposed to do for us. Should style help you look more attractive, more expensive, more interesting, or more like yourself? Should clothes help you fit in or stand out? Should getting dressed feel creative or be more practical? And I think this is why online fashion spaces have started to feel really weird recently because style advice is supposed to make getting dressed easier. But for a lot of people, it's doing the exact opposite. People are becoming terrified of wearing the wrong colors, the wrong silhouettes, wearing too many trends, or not being trendy enough and feeling outdated.

[00:00:51]People are worried about being seen putting too much effort and caring too much, but also being judged if they don't. And somewhere along the way, style advice stopped feeling like here are some options that you can try. And it became here is the right answer for you. So today, I want to talk about some of your spiciest takes, but also talk about the bigger issue that I realized while I was reading them. While modern style advice is so often not helpful, and why is it making us feel worse about ourselves instead? And I think one of the biggest reasons this happened is because style systems stop being treated as simply a tool and started being seen as the ultimate truth. Karissa wrote that some fashion and style systems come too close to being like phology to be comfortable. And then Jennifer added that she doesn't like how Kibby conflates body type with essence or personality. She has a natural body type but is not an outdoorsy person at all.

[00:01:43]And honestly, I can understand why people feel uncomfortable with that because style systems have become really ambitious. They don't just want to tell you about the neckline that suits your features the best, but now they also want to explain your personality, essence, energy, shopping habits, and entire lifestyle. And as you've rightly pointed out, humans are a little bit too complicated and nuanced for that. Now, to be fair to David Kibby, he has actually stepped away from trying to assign personality traits based on simply your body type in his newer book.

[00:02:14]But in his older book, Metamorphosis, he definitely tried to do that. And honestly, I think his newer approach of separating personality from purely your body is a lot healthier way to look at it because style systems can absolutely be helpful to people. It does help to know what your proportions are. So, if you choose to dress for them, you can.

[00:02:33]Color analysis can be really helpful and so can style roots, style words, and style archetypes that can guide someone in the direction of how they want to dress. But I think that those systems work better as tools and not as identities or boxes to put yourself in.

[00:02:48]Because the moment you stop seeing a style system as simply a framework and you start identifying with your results, a lot of very strange things happen. And I think this is why the online fashion space has become weirdly moral. being perceived as wearing the wrong jeans, the wrong neckline or the wrong color suddenly starts to be treated like some sort of personal failure. And I even see this in my own comments, especially in my short videos where people don't really know me. And I get comments that I should not be wearing this type of dress because it's making me look bigger, that this type of trousers are not flattering, and that I should not be wearing this color because it's not within my color season. And my reaction to all that is usually okay. And because unless someone is specifically asking for style advice, why are we treating personal style as an exam that you can fail? This comment from Particle actually summed it quite interestingly.

[00:03:39]She wrote that style systems are just another field for women to compete against each other and belittle others by telling them they're doing it wrong.

[00:03:46]And honestly, I don't fully blame the systems for that because as humans, we have a natural tendency to try to fit things into boxes, to try to see categories and patterns and just make sense of the world around us. But I do think that the online fashion spaces have become really judgmental because instead of using systems to simply give people options and opinions, there now seem to be correct answers. And I think color analysis is where this tension becomes quite obvious. For example, Pericari wrote in this comment, "People always look worse when they wear the wrong colors. I don't care if you're happier in black, mustard, or neon green. It doesn't actually show on the outside. Everyone is still free to wear whatever they prefer. Of course, just be aware it's a compromise." And honestly, I partially disagree with that because yes, objectively, some colors will harmonize with your natural features better. Some colors will cast a more flattering light on your face. And so, while we think that we'll always look better in our most flattering colors, I think that as humans, we're also really, really good at picking up on other people's discomfort. So, if someone is wearing their best shade theoretically, but they're feeling really awkward or uncomfortable because they're not familiar with that level of brightness or being a little bit more muted than they normally are. We going to pick up on that. And at the same time, I've seen people wear shades that are definitely not their best colors, but they really love that color. Their entire face lights up. They feel very relaxed in it and just feel like themselves. I notice that relaxed feeling a lot more than I notice perfect harmony in someone's face and outfit. That's why I think style advice can become a bit dangerous when optimization and trying to find the best everything becomes more important than your own judgment and preferences.

[00:05:33]Because so many people aren't asking themselves, do I actually enjoy this?

[00:05:37]They are asking themselves, am I allowed to wear this? And Gl made another really interesting point. She said that she finds it interesting that they say only a professional can tell you your color season because if only a professional can tell the difference, why does it even matter? And honestly, that's a fair point because color narcissist can be very helpful if it reduces confusion, if it helps to narrow down your choices.

[00:06:01]But I think the internet sometimes treats color analysis as another moral framework to judge people on. This is where I become uncomfortable because style advice should help you to feel more confident and less overwhelmed and not make you terrified of wearing mustard yellow if it's outside of your color palette. Another take on color I found really interesting came from nitty-gritty who said, "Black doesn't go with everything. Paired with pastels or bright colors, it can look unnecessarily aggressive or dull. Gray is often a better choice." I think that there is some truth to that because black can create tension, sharpness, and high contrast. And there might be some days when this is exactly what you want. But other times you want to feel more classic, calmer, and a bit more at ease.

[00:06:42]And that's why I really love the TB color wheel because instead of asking what's the right way to pair pastels or bright colors, it's simply giving you options. It's asking you how do you want to feel? What mood are you in for? And if you are in a mood for high contrast, go with the black. And if you're in a mood to create something more calm, then go with the gray. Neither is subjectively wrong or better. They're simply for different moods. And once you start allowing for some nuance, you'll start seeing how many of the fashion rules are people's own preferences disguised as universal truths. And honestly, I don't think this is because stylists or fashion influencers are inherently evil. It's simply how the internet today works. The algorithm rewards certainty way more than nuance.

[00:07:27]And so, as Dorothy wrote, I don't like how some image consultants like nuance and want to make people sort of super restricted based on just their traits.

[00:07:34]And I completely agree. A lot of people online like nuance, but I don't think it's because they don't see the nuance.

[00:07:41]It's simply not what performs well online. Because imagine if a stylist comes and says, "Plastic shoes are always tacky." People will argue, some will agree, some will disagree. they're going to comment, maybe share that video, and all of that performs well in the algorithm. But if another stylist comes and says, "Plastic shoes can work for this and that occasion, but for others, they're not the perfect choice."

[00:08:03]That's probably a more useful advice, but it doesn't have this emotional polarity to go viral. This has created this very strange online environment where style creators are rewarded for being certain rather than for providing helpful advice. And that is why you'll see videos that are about style being outdated. This is classy. This is going to make you look expensive. This is flattering. This always looks cheap. And after a while, because we don't see any nuance, and we see people judging how others are getting dressed, you become terrified of getting things wrong.

[00:08:36]Another thing that bothers me a lot is how the language of fashion has actually become very weirdly tied to status. As Sweet Fairy said, I'm really sick of hearing the word elevated. And then Matilda said she hates influencers constantly using words like outdated, frumpy, and dated. And honestly, I feel the same because when we say that we don't want to look frumpy and dated and then we want to look elevated, old money, quiet, luxury, and look expensive, all of those things are often not describing clothes. They're describing social approval. And this is where I feel a lot of style content can make you anxious because you put on an outfit and instead of asking yourself, "Do I actually enjoy this? What do I like wearing?" You might start asking yourself, is this refined enough? Is this feminine enough? Or the more modern version of that, is this interesting enough? And that's a huge amount of pressure to put on ourselves and especially on our clothes. What I find really fascinating is that as we're moving away from quiet luxury, we've simply replaced wanting to look expensive with now wanting to look unique and interesting. So the pressure has moved away but it has now become being the most creative, unique, artistic, interesting, expressive version that you could possibly be. And as one commenter put it, interesting bit stylish or flattering every single time.

[00:09:50]Honestly, I understand that reaction because based on my personal style, I am more drawn to more unique, interesting outfits myself. But it doesn't mean that this style is inherently better. As another commenter put it, interesting and boring are causing more pressure and confusion. It's okay to be boring. And I think this is really spot on observation because I have clients come to me and say they worry about looking boring or they send me outfits and say, "Oh, this looks so boring." But when we start talking about it, they realize that they actually like those more simple, minimal or classic outfits. It's who they are.

[00:10:25]It fits their lifestyle and it makes getting dressed for them really, really easy. But being surrounded by stylists that now tell you that you have to dress in this more unique, interesting, special way can actually make you forget that just because someone is louder, more expressive, or more creative visually, their outfit is not necessarily better than a more classic or minimal one. Some people genuinely drive from that creativity and novelty in their outfits, but other people want more simplicity and ease. And neither of those goals is morally or stylistically superior. But I think that once style becomes tied to your identity and even your self-worth, you start being afraid of getting it wrong. And that's why a lot of people start to search for ways to naturally simplify everything. That's why we see so much content about capsule wardrobes, decluttering, and finding the best investment pieces. Because all of them promise some version of the same fantasy, that if you just organize yourself correctly, buy the right things, follow the right rules, and create the perfect wardrobe, getting dressed will finally stop feeling overwhelming. Now, to be fair, some of those things can be helpful. Andrea wrote that she doesn't really understand the idea of capsule wardrobes, especially the idea of taking things out of your wardrobe for a couple of months.

[00:11:38]Of course, if you have a very small wardrobe, that doesn't make much sense.

[00:11:41]But if you're someone that has a larger wardrobe, rotating your pieces can actually be really helpful because I've noticed that our brains get very visually fatigued. If you see the same shirt hanging in your wardrobe day after day, your brain starts to feel like you've worn this a 100 times, even if you've only worn it twice. And so putting pieces away from where you can actually see them and bringing them back in can help you to create that sense of novelty without buying anything new. At the same time, capsule models can definitely become restrictive if people treat them as rigid rules rather than just a flexible tool. And the same thing can absolutely happen with decluttering.

[00:12:18]As Alina wrote, must declutter without a plan is just making room for future impulse shopping. And yeah, that is absolutely correct because decluttering can definitely help people to feel lighter and less overwhelmed. But without reflecting on why you're actually getting rid of certain things, you're very likely to repeat the same mistakes and bring all of those things 6 months down the line. And then there is this idea of investment pieces. As Erna Lonser wrote, clothes are never an investment. They're always an expense.

[00:12:45]And again, I tend to agree because expensive clothes can definitely be worth it if you're constantly wearing them and they're supporting your lifestyle. But I often think that we treat expensive purchases as something that is going to permanently solve our wardrobe problems. And I don't think any purchase can do that. And as you can see, all of those solutions promise to solve a problem, but they're actually creating another. And I think style becomes a lot healthier when you stop looking for the magical tool or perfect solution and you start looking at things as simply tradeoffs because this is going to change how you think about personal style as well. One of the most interesting comments I got was from 69 reasons why who wrote, "Personal style has nothing to do with your personality.

[00:13:26]It's simply about the shapes and colors you prefer." And honestly, I don't fully agree with that because of course, your clothes and shoes do not reveal your deepest secrets and your dreams. But I also don't think that our choices are completely meaningless because the things that we are drawn to usually are saying something about us. Maybe you prioritize comfort or practicality or you want to be seen as elegant or create more visually interesting outfits and those priorities communicate something even if they don't communicate everything about you. And I think this connects to one of the most interesting comments that I read under my post.

[00:14:02]Susie wrote, "I don't agree with there's no such thing as good or bad style. Just as with design or art, there is actually poor taste in fashion." Honestly, I think a lot of people agree with that secretly, even if they don't want to admit that publicly because we do have different reactions to different outfits and aesthetics. Some outfits are going to feel more intentional, harmonious, refined, or chaotic to you. And pretending that we don't have any reaction to those outfits is not fair.

[00:14:29]But at the same time, our tastes, our reactions are very much shaped by so many different factors. Think about the culture you live in, the environment around you, your upbringing, and also the trends that you see around yourself.

[00:14:41]All of the social context simply means that what one person may see as elegant and aspirational, another person may see as simply cold and pretentious. And similarly, an outfit that someone may perceive as tacky, another person may see as joyful or expressive. And I noticed this recently with how people were reacting to Lauren Sanchez Bezos's dress for the Met Gala. A lot of people hated it. A lot of people said it looked really tacky, but at the same time, I think it was clearly aligned with her personal taste. She achieved the effect that she wanted because that dress was about glamour, status, sensuality, and being visible. And people noticed her.

[00:15:19]people talked about her. I think it clearly aligned with what she wanted to express. And even if other people dislike it, I'm not sure that this automatically means she has bad taste because fashion is very similar to art in that way. Understanding a piece of art and then liking that piece of art are not the same thing. You can read about Mark Roco and his paintings and understand what they're trying to say while at the same time personally you may find them very simplistic or they might not be simply your taste. And fashion works similarly. There are aesthetics that I personally dislike.

[00:15:52]There are other aesthetics I find attractive and I might want to wear. And there are others that I can appreciate as being beautiful in my taste but simply not aligned for me. And I start being uncomfortable when we turn personal preferences into some form of ultimate moral truth. Because maybe we don't need to decide whether someone has objectively good or bad taste. Maybe it's enough to simply say this is not for me. I think this is probably the biggest thing I realized while I was reading all of your comments. Most people aren't actually disagreeing about clothes, but they're disagreeing about values. Some people will prioritize looking their most flattering. Other people want comfort, practicality, and things being suitable for their lifestyle. Other people really care about creativity and self-expression.

[00:16:38]Other people want to look elegant and feel luxurious. And style advice becomes really toxic when we forget that we are all optimizing for very different things because the internet keeps trying to turn someone's style into proof that they are smart enough, creative enough, elegant enough, interesting enough. But maybe clothes were never supposed to carry that much moral weight. Maybe style works best when it helps you become more yourself, not when it turns getting dressed into a performance review. And I think that's why I like this comment from Kosa so much. that basically said, "Fashion is one way for me to express myself externally. Before I can speak, I can tell my story, but I can also decide not to tell it." I think this is one of the healthiest way to look at personal style because some days your clothes may communicate creativity, boldness, elegance, individuality, and other days, you just grab the first thing you can see before a Zoom call or a grocery run, and your outfit doesn't need to say anything at all. To me, both of those ways of getting dressed are completely valid. So, I really want to know what are your thoughts on this and I'll see you in my next