The Hardest Part of Telling the Truth

[00:00:00]There are stoic quotes a lot of us have heard. Even if we have no idea where they came from. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way. If it's not right, don't do it. If it's not true, don't say it. You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.

[00:00:23]Fun fact, that last one isn't actually a quote found in meditations. It's probably either a summary of Marcus Aurelius's thoughts or maybe just something misattributed to him over time. Still true to what he thought though, just worth knowing.

[00:00:37]Those are some of the quotes that everybody knows. Even people who have never cracked open meditations know these. They're on coffee mugs, Instagram graphics. Somebody's probably got a got one tattooed on a forearm. They are the greatest hits, if you will. And I love them. I love this book. I got a whole bunch of favorites highlighted in it, but there's one I come back to more than any of those. And I would bet that a lot of you have never heard it because it's not exactly mug material. It's buried in book eight. And I think personally it might be one of the hardest things Marcus Aurelius ever wrote. Not because it's complicated. It's actually pretty simple. It's hard because sometimes simple is brutal to actually try to live. Now, here it is.

[00:01:27]Concentrate on what you have to do. Fix your eyes on it. Remind yourself that your task is to be a good human being.

[00:01:34]Remind yourself what nature demands of people. Then do it without hesitation and speak the truth as you see it, but with kindness, with humility, without hypocrisy.

[00:01:46]That is the one. one of my favorites or close to it. And it's actually really flipping hard to do. Not hard to understand, hard to do.

[00:02:00]Hey everybody, welcome or welcome back to the channel. I'm Rachel. Now, this video isn't really about stoicism or politics or even YouTube, just life and character. Yours, mine, whoevers. And Marcus summed it up better than I ever could in a few simple sentences. I mean, you know somebody, we all know somebody who just likes to say, "I'm just being honest." And what you're actually thinking is, "No, you're not. You're just being mean or an ass." And you're trying to make it sound nicer. Honesty and cruelty aren't the same thing. But sometimes we lump them together like being blunt automatically makes you tough and just brutally honest and being kind automatically makes you weak and kind of a doormat. They don't. So, let's actually talk about the quote and why I think more of us should take it to heart these days. First, speak the truth as you see it. Everybody skips right past the last part of this like it's an afterthought. But read it again or should I say listen to it. It doesn't just say speak the truth. It says speak the truth as you see it. That's not the same sentence. It's not even close to the same sentence. The truth is a verdict. You know, a fact. The truth as you see it is more like a confession.

[00:03:29]Marcus admitted right there in his own journal, which he never meant for anyone else to read, that he didn't have the whole picture. Nobody does. You might be wrong. You probably don't know everything, no matter how sure you feel about something. All we can do is check our facts and speak the truth as we see it. It's not about hedging when you talk. That's not what this is asking you to do. And honestly, it's not how I try to do it either. It's what happens before you open your mouth. Look inside before you look outside. Check yourself first. Go find the actual facts instead of assuming you already have them. Stay open to the idea that there's more to the story than what's sitting right in front of you right now. That is what as you see it actually means. You don't tack it onto your opinion as a disclaimer. You practice it as a discipline before you ever form one.

[00:04:29]Then there's with kindness. Think about a time somebody corrected you or you corrected somebody. Could be big, could be small, doesn't matter. Now think about how they or you did it. Somebody pulled you aside and told you that hard thing just between the two of you. They were kind even though it stung a little bit. and somebody else did it loudly or in all caps in front of other people, loud enough for everybody to hear because it really wasn't about you or the disagreement. It was more about them looking tough and being right than fix about actually fixing anything. We've all had both. I've had both. You've had both. You see it in comment sections and crowds all the time. I get some of it on this channel. Most people who push back or disagree do it politely, but every so often it's rude or just plain mean. So, the question is, which one actually changes your mind or makes you think?

[00:05:33]It's probably not the loud or the rude one. The one that one just pissed you off or made you defensive or maybe it embarrassed you and you just shut down completely. The quiet one is probably the one you actually heard and considered. The loud one likely made you just dig in deeper.

[00:05:52]You can make somebody feel stupid and call them names or you can make them think. Two very different goals. Only one of them ever actually works.

[00:06:03]Then we have with humility.

[00:06:06]This is the one that's crept on up on me as I've gotten older. And I don't think that's a coincidence. The older I get, the less certain I am about things. Not more. And I used to think that that was a bad thing. You know, for a long time, I thought that was a problem. Like I was supposed to have it all figured out by now. Turns out it's the opposite. The older I get, the more I realize that I don't know it all, and the more I'm willing to admit it.

[00:06:36]I have changed my mind about plenty of things over the years. things I was completely convinced of that turned out to be incomplete or half-right or just flatout wrong. That is wisdom, not weakness. That's the exact thing that Marcus was pointing at. Humility means that your perspective, no matter h how airtight it feels in your own head, is still only a small piece of the picture, not that you think less of yourself.

[00:07:06]Again, that is exactly why he wrote as you see it instead of just the truth. He had already told you this part back in the first phrase. It was baked in before you even got here.

[00:07:20]Finally, without hypocrisy.

[00:07:23]This one is the gut punch, I think.

[00:07:26]Honestly, these have all gotten a little bit harder as we went along, but this is the one that actually hurts a little, and it's really hard.

[00:07:35]You know, everybody wants accountability for other people. Everybody wants grace for themselves, but we forget to apply the same rule to both sides. We've all got blind spots. The person who says they don't care what anyone thinks of them and then spends 20 minutes explaining why somebody was wrong about them. The person who hates gossip and is somehow always right in the middle of it. the person who preaches patience and then loses it over something completely small. Self-awareness is what keeps this from turning preachy. The second you point a finger without ever pointing it at yourself first, you have lost the room, and you deserve to. This isn't a stick to go beat other people over the head with. It's a mirror, and you need to check your own reflection before you go looking for someone else's flaws.

[00:08:28]Okay. So, why does any of this matter to now, right now, today? I am not going to turn this into another lecture on outrage culture. You have probably already seen that video on five different channels in the past week. So, just one thought here and then I'll leave it. We live in a culture that rewards certainty over correctness and conflict over conversation. The algorithm doesn't care if you're right.

[00:08:54]It cares if you're loud. Marcus offered up the almost the exact opposite formula. Tell the truth. Be kind about it. Stay humble. Keep an eye on your own hypocrisy before you go hunting for everybody else's. That's not weak. If anything, it's discipline and it's harder than being loud.

[00:09:15]You know, I have highlighted a lot of passages in my copy of meditations, but this one is a favorite. Not because it's inspiring exactly, because it's basically what I was taught growing up.

[00:09:28]And I think we all tend to forget that.

[00:09:31]It makes perfect sense, but it's still really [ __ ] hard. I don't live up to it every day. I probably don't live up to it most days, but I try. And when I am deciding whether to make a video or respond to a comment or disagree with somebody or even apologize for something, this is the standard I try to measure myself against. Do I fail sometimes? [laughter] Abso freaking lutely. Probably more than I would like to admit. I'm human. We all are. All we can do is try. Speak the truth as you see it. with kindness, with humility, without hypocrisy.

[00:10:13]That is a pretty good definition of just being a decent human being, which fits perfectly with another line from his journal. Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one. So maybe that's the only homework here. No more debating about what good looks like.

[00:10:31]Just be a decent human. A few things I ask myself every single day. Am I trying to be right or am I trying to be good?

[00:10:40]Am I talking to understand somebody or to win? Would I say this the same way if they were sitting across from me instead of anonymously on the internet? Those are the important questions for me.

[00:10:54]Thanks for hanging out with me today.

[00:10:55]Take care of you and I will see you the next time. Bye-bye.

[00:11:00]You've been incredibly patient, sir. Are you ready?

[00:11:05]Hey, you going to look at me?

[00:11:08]Nope. Eyes on the prize.

[00:11:20]You all right?

[00:11:38]>> [clears throat] >> Okay, I have to You're so stinking adorable.