Your Need for Control Is Fueling Anxiety, Pain, & Symptoms

Added: 2026-05-20

[00:00:00]When you get stuck in fear, when you feel worried, when you desperately want a certain outcome, you likely reach for control.

[00:00:11]Because when the world feels uncertain and chaotic, your nervous system wants security and certainty. To cope, you excessively try to control aspects of situations, relationships, or sensations within.

[00:00:30]You try to control excessively to ensure you feel safe and secure.

[00:00:37]But most people go too far. And this has real consequences for mental and physical health. There's a big misconception about control. We're taught in our society that being in control makes you powerful and successful.

[00:00:54]Think about any successful movie character and how they're portrayed.

[00:01:01]They're often portrayed to be in full control of their life, their relationships, their thoughts, and their behaviors. But in reality, control is the behavior of fear.

[00:01:13]When you're fearful about an external situation or sensation within, you add the behavior of control to try to cope.

[00:01:24]You go into frantic fix-it and figure-out mode, where your mind starts to race, to problem-solve, to figure things out. You try to force change to a situation or relationship. You try to force yourself to feel emotionally different inside. We end up in this desperate place where we are unwilling to accept the situation or the sensation. This causes your nervous system to be stuck in a heightened state of fight or flight. That fear anger rises within you. And you might have been caught in this place for months or years as you continue to apply control.

[00:02:07]And this path will lead you to chronic anxiety, panic attacks, angry outbursts, chronic pain, or chronic symptoms. These are the consequences of excessive control. The reality of life is you actually have little control over most situations and sensations.

[00:02:28]Yes, there are actions you can take to better your chances of a positive outcome, but you never have full control.

[00:02:37]And the more you try to force control, the more fear is going to control your life. There needs to be a letting go of the illusion of control and instead an embracing of uncertainty.