Are You Dating a Narcissist? Warning Signs Men Ignore

Hinzugefügt: 2026-05-13

[00:00:00]I only wrote my first book this year, which is coming out in June.

[00:00:02]>> Yeah, it's not yet. Yeah, it's not June.

[00:00:04]The red flags, the 10 red flags. And this is just basically everything I've learned for over the last 5 years of being online and therapy, everything that I've learned from every client that is in the current dating scene. Because one of the problems I found when I was first doing therapy is all of the data and the information was really old. It was things like, you know, just be very loving, very kind, and your woman will be lovely if you do dishes and if you do but, you know, in Dubai scene now, it these things don't always apply. There's always agendas behind people's attachments these days. So, the old school kind of therapy was not applying to the real world. And also we have things like, you know, addictions and pornography and social media, which all the other therapists were not talking about the impact that has on relationships. They just think if you love somebody unconditionally, there's no problem, but if you have a partner who's addicted to social media or addicted to posting all the time or a man that's addicted to pornography, it's still going to impact your relationship.

[00:00:59]So, I felt the need to kind of write something, put it all there, and then hopefully it can help as many hopefully therapists and individuals as possible.

[00:01:06]Yeah.

[00:01:07]>> yes, of course. I mean, we we need that.

[00:01:09]We we kind of lost the the ideal man and ideal woman that we have to look up for. You know, it's just uh who's the ideal man and and how it's drawn, whether it's the the person we talk about on social media or or our father or or this new generation, they don't know where to look for.

[00:01:34]And this becoming a challenge for the the generation, both men and women.

[00:01:40]>> Both men. I feel really sorry for both of them. Like I remember at least in our like when I was young, it was, you know, limited how many people you could be exposed to and how many opinions you could be exposed to. But young men are watching these memes go viral where it's like you just got to pay for everything for a woman, you just don't expect her to cook, don't expect her to clean, just give her money, money, money, and you'll be a high-value man. Or women are watching this just got to take money from a guy, you just got to get presents, and if he doesn't buy you everything, if he doesn't make Valentine's Day the biggest day in the earth, he doesn't love you. So, this kind of information that they're being fed is so difficult for them to then navigate because it doesn't go it doesn't align with what they're truly feeling. Any woman that's just dating men purely for presents and any man that's just paying women that don't really love them, they're not going to find happiness or connection in that.

[00:02:24]But they're being told that's what's normal, but it's not actually normal for them.

[00:02:27]>> Whose fault is that? I would say I would say social media is a big player in that. I would say social media has because the goal of social media is to make you consumers and make you stay on the app as long as possible. It's not to make you healthy, happy couples. How do you promote consumerism? You tell women that unless he buys something for you, unless he takes you to Dubai on trips, and unless he's doing everything for unless the ring is huge, he doesn't love you. And you make men think that unless you've got a Lamborghini or unless you've got an AP, no woman's going to want you. So, you've got to remember the goal of the people behind social media is consumerism. And they're not going to feed you any values other than how to make you obedient consumers, and they've done a great job of it.

[00:03:05]>> Yes, yes.

[00:03:07]But if we remove social media and we go back to the root of the problem and we find that women have their own issues and problem.

[00:03:15]They were also suppressed in a way that they want to be raise the the voice and say we want to be independent, I want to be a strong woman.

[00:03:28]That's on the side of the the woman. So, the social media used that and amplified it, you know, which is an issue, which is something a woman empowerment became a trend and became something that uh Well, it went from women empowerment to man hatred. It's one thing to be empowered as a woman, but there's a different concept behind hating men, and it's totally drifted towards hating men, but at the same time begging them to be with you and buying you stuff and being submissive to you. So, they've got these mixed values where they hate men with a passion, but then they're begging them to pay for everything that they have and being dependent on them, which must be so confusing for them. So, I think the empowerment movement turned into hatred very quickly, and that's led to them being really confused as well. Yes. Is that in the Arab world as well or is it more Western that you see that? I I think it's both because I mean, a lot of the Arab world or women, they need that empowerment, but they are I believe they are more aware than the Western where they draw the line in the Arab world.

[00:04:28]They they still have that respect of a man.

[00:04:30]>> They don't have that hatred embedded in them like that anger and stuff.

[00:04:33]>> I don't think so.

[00:04:34]>> No, I don't see it so much. They say it's they have that desire for empowerment, but not as intense hatred for because they still like majority grow up with the fathers and brothers that they love and respect. I think it's slightly more in the Western world where there's broken homes and they don't really attach to the fathers or brothers, that's where the man hatred is increasing a lot more, unfortunately.

[00:04:56]Yeah, but if we want to talk on the side of the the man I'm back to the problem.

[00:05:00]So, women were suppressed and they need to express that and they need to have an equality somehow in in the workplace, but it's either it's an experiment because they are it's some things are turning against them because she find, okay, I don't want to be, you know, working like a man. I don't want to be in that position. I want to be a mother. I want to be um you know, home sitting at home. Yeah, raising kids.

[00:05:28]Yeah, yeah, there's and that's the problem. They're being fed that they should pursue a career, but deep down after a while, it's not fulfilling. And what's fulfilling is actually, you know, starting a family, having children. If you speak to anybody that's got children, they all say that's the most important part of their life. They forget everything else. But we're almost told to ignore that desire that you have and replace it with consumerism, enjoyment, traveling, all of these things, which are great. I'm not going to deny that they're great, but they are pleasure, but they're not peace. So, all of these things that we're constantly being bombarded with like trips and presents and all these things, these are very pleasure-driven, and actual happiness comes from peace rather than pleasure.

[00:06:07]And the social media world won't tell you that. They'll tell you happiness is going to come from keep indulging in the things that are exciting, that are novel, that are new, but your your happiness will come from the more peace you get, and peace will really just come from being able to live a life that is aligned with your true values and not chasing, you know, validation from external sources.

[00:06:28]But again, it it all uh to have the the I say the perfect figure is really lost and isn't isn't also we are helping in that. I mean, suddenly when you talk about the high-value man as well.

[00:06:43]I mean, it is is there a high-value man and and the ideal man is is that an exaggerated image as well? Well, the the thing that I try and emphasize when I discuss any, you know, when I first came out, that was kind of the discussion point, you know, it was really big to talk about high-value man and high-value women. But when I do discuss high-value man, I try and emphasize on the values behind a high-value man rather than the credentials. So, I would always say that high-value men, you can't be a high-value man without some self-control. And what I mean by self-control is the ability to limit your current desires and replace them with your future goals. So, if you are spending recklessly, drinking recklessly, addicted to things recklessly, you can't be a high-value man because you don't have self-control.

[00:07:27]If you're with endless women all the time, you cannot be a high-value man.

[00:07:30]But even if you're a millionaire, billionaire, you cannot have be a high-value man. It's that self-control I try and emphasize that the more self-control you have, the more of a problem-solver you are, the less chaotic you are, the more high-value you become regardless of bank account. Of course, part of self-control and success part of self-control will lead to success. The more self-control you have, you're going to be more financially successful, you're going to be more physically in shape. The byproducts will become the superficial stuff, but the core behind it has to be self-control. So, if you're a billionaire, but you're addicted to drugs or you're going out, you're sleeping with lots of women, you're not high-value. But if you become a billionaire because you've got endless self-control, then you're high-value, I would say. So, I try and emphasize the self-control in that. Because obviously I live in Dubai like yourself, and you'll see really successful men, really, really successful men all the time, but they're not necessarily high-value because they're in relationships that are very chaotic.

[00:08:21]They're out in the clubs all day, every day. They haven't really settled down.

[00:08:24]They don't know how to behave. They don't know how to control their desires.

[00:08:27]I wouldn't consider that a high-value man regardless of his you know, his portfolio.

[00:08:32]Yeah. Would you What would you say is a high-value man?

[00:08:35]As a high-value man yourself? I mean, I mean, I would 100% agree on that they should have a control and and value. And uh And but I want to go back to the image that it was drawn for them as a as a figure.

[00:08:51]And this this image was drawn by by um by woman as well. And the woman in her 20s, she is looking always for the the bad guy, for the guy who's uh um the rich guy, for for that that person.

[00:09:09]And then this is what the man he will try to become.

[00:09:13]And for him, that's the ideal high high-value man at the age of 20s, you know. This is what So, the the image is vague for them.

[00:09:21]>> That's true. They don't know whether to be a bad guy or to be really nice to women because when they're nice, they don't get rewarded. So, they only get the women when they're kind of like the bad guy, but it's not so much that women like bad men. They don't like bad men.

[00:09:33]What they like is autonomous, independent men. And what I mean by that is men that are very submissive, very obedient, very shy, very weak automatically have no sex appeal. No woman wants to go near him. They might be friends with him and they might appreciate him and they might say things like, "Oh, you're going to be such a good husband one day." "I wish you know, you're going to go get a good woman."

[00:09:53]They'll put them in the friend zone.

[00:09:55]They need some risk-taking in a man to have some attraction. So, what ends up happening is because the bad guys have slightly more sex appeal and more attraction, they get more women. But, it's not because they're bad, it's just that they're not weak. And that's what's really attractive. The thing The quickest way to ruin your attraction is being weak. And that's where >> Or being nice, which is the fault of mothers raising their children as well. So, the mother is actually who's a woman, she's raising a nice kid. And actually, somehow in a in a weak way, if there's no presence of a of a father, and then she's giving She wants him to be nice because she wants him to be good with her, help her, and support her, never leave her.

[00:10:40]And but in reality, a woman, she's looking for a the bad guy. Yeah. I mean, I talk a lot about this in my book about the nice guy. I have a chapter on it.

[00:10:49]And almost every guy I've met that struggles with women starts with a bad relationship with their father. They have a really close relationship with their mother and a bad relationship with their father. And usually, you would think if a man's got a good relationship with his mom, he's going to be amazing with women. He is amazing with women, but women just don't like him. And the reason why is because those men that don't like their father, but really love their mother, listen to what their mom would say about their dad. Your dad is controlling. Your dad is so harsh. Your dad fights all the time. Your dad doesn't give me enough money. Your dad Your dad Your dad. So, he grows up thinking, I want to be nothing like my father. I want to be opposite of him.

[00:11:25]So, he thinks, let me be submissive. Let me be obedient. Let me not make any decisions. I don't want to be controlling. Let me never tell a woman what she should do. Let me never say no to her when it comes to financial freedom. Let me just listen to her no matter what. So, he becomes so obedient and submissive. Two things happen when you're an obedient and submissive man.

[00:11:42]Firstly, you lose your sex appeal because you don't have any dominance, and women are attracted to dominance.

[00:11:47]So, you'll never be the guy that women crave. They might accept you, but you're not going to be somebody you crave because you don't have dominance. But, the second thing, which is actually more dangerous, is you'll only attract narcissistic women.

[00:11:59]Caring, considerate, nurturing women want you to have your own opinion. They want you to be leading. They want you to be dominant. They want you to have your own voice. They like hearing what makes you happy, where do you draw the line, what don't you accept. Narcissistic women want you to just obey them and listen to them. So, they'll say, "I don't want you talking to your mom ever again. I hate your sister. She's not coming to my the baby shower. Nobody can come and see our kids. That's my kids. No one's seeing my kids."

[00:12:24]A healthy woman would say, "The kid is my kid. It's your kid. Everybody's family." Like, no problem. Unhealthy women say, "If you ever speak to your sister or your mom, I'm not going to" They have that mentality. Only submissive, weak men are attracted or can be with that woman. So, they end up only with those types of women. And so, they think, "Let me just keep being kind. Keep being nice." They think, "I'm doing everything right." But, the problem is they've lost dominance and they've attracted narcissism. So, their relationship doesn't work. It lasts.

[00:12:52]They last a really long time. I've seen men 20, 30 years with these relations.

[00:12:56]But, they're unfulfilling and they're really difficult relationships, unfortunately.

[00:13:00]But, do you agree that at a period of time, men will kind of dominate at the age of 30, 35 cuz he's he run the experience. He has more confident now. And he his choices are are different now. Or like, what he's looking for is totally different.

[00:13:19]Now, he's looking for a a woman to get married to.

[00:13:24]And now, he's not looking for the sexy girl. And it's actually the the the sexy girl and the beautiful 10 out of 10, she was ignoring him in at the age of 20s, you know? And now, when he's older, she loses her kind of like appeal in a way.

[00:13:41]And he he's more confident right now.

[00:13:44]And he's looking for a different categories and different targets. You would think so, and I would hope so. I wish that was true. But, what's happening in new generation? I think that was true maybe for our generation.

[00:13:55]But, I think for the younger generation, what's happened is they they put sexy girl above everything else. It's a lot more than it used to be because they're constantly surrounded by it on social media, pornography, everything like that. So, what I've noticed in my experience working with lots of clients is women who are very healthy, wife material, good, kind women, they don't seem to be getting married. They're single. They're always the ones that have no options. Whereas, the women that are materialistic, really narcissistic, really dominant, they are getting flowers flown out, private jets, everything. And they're getting engagement rings and they're getting weddings. It's They are actually achieving a lot more. That's what the the more healthy women feels. She feels like men say they want to settle down with a healthy, loving, wife material, but they are very easily influenced by sexy, attractive, dominant women.

[00:14:47]They're They're They're becoming more and more attracted and attached to that world. I I I maybe, but it's definitely this what appears on social media because this is something marketable.

[00:15:03]>> [laughter] >> You know? It's It goes viral, you know? And but I doubt because I tell you why.

[00:15:10]I feel like the man, what he's looking for, he he's looking to be also relaxed in in his relationship. So, he's not going to look for somebody who's super sexy. Unless he's a high value man.

[00:15:25]>> [laughter] >> Unless he's rich. Unless he's really confident and this is what suits him. He wants somebody who's famous, who's tall, who's beautiful, who's sexy, and then he can control as well. Cuz the man, he needs to dominate.

[00:15:39]So, he don't feel the competition with other men, you know? He If if he's looking for a wife, he will try to get somebody with less But, do you know, as a man, can you Do you think that you can only be truly faithful to women that you're truly attracted to?

[00:15:56]Or do you think it can be regardless?

[00:15:58]It's a It's a It's a great question.

[00:15:59]>> You know, my personal experience is that men can settle down and be with a woman that they're less attracted to because they want to have raise kids and do things the right way. And I think that's a great strategy. You have to think who would be the best mother for my children. Put your own ego and everything else aside. And then even as women, you have to think when you want children, who's going to be the best parent for my child. How you feel is secondary. It that has to be your number one criteria when it comes to starting a family. But, my experience tells me that they're less faithful in those circumstances and far more faithful when they are heavily attracted to the woman, even if she's not as kind. See, I will tell you if they are living a double standard life, if they are happy outside the home with another friend, another woman, going to a club, but but they are not living that experience with the woman they chose to be their wife, then they will cheat because they are not their wife is not their friend.

[00:16:54]And then, they are not having the happiness and experience and not open to everything together. And that's that's a problem. Yes.

[00:17:04]>> that's a great point. I I would say I agree with you from what I found working with my clients is the lack of friendship with your partner means that you can't be yourself with your partner.

[00:17:13]And if you can't be yourself with your partner, you can't enjoy their company as much. And you'll always seek an escape going somewhere else, speaking to other people. But, if you can totally be yourself with your partner, I've seen couples that go to strip clubs together because they're best friends. They don't need to go with somebody else or anything like that. They'll go everywhere together. They don't need to have this double life. And they tend to be the most faithful and strong with each other. Even though you would think like, "Oh my god, they're going clubs together. They must be so liberal." But, they're actually they've got the friendship behind them. And that friendship makes it less likely that they want to escape the relationship and go and meet somebody else.

[00:17:46]And that's a problem we have in the conservative families, you know? If somebody is very conservative, but I mean, you want to be conservative, stay conservative when you're a bachelor as well. Not be conservative only when you get married.

[00:18:02]You know? So, and then you'll not be happy because you're actually having fun outside and just like you're conservative when it comes to your wife only.

[00:18:10]>> And I think that's particularly the problem with the religious kind of men in particular, maybe women as well, is that they are not naturally conservative. Their values are not conservative. But, when it comes to getting married and having kids, they become conservative. So, they have to play a role when they're getting married. It's not an extension of their existing life. They have to completely pretend to be somebody else.

[00:18:28]>> Because they are doing it for the man.

[00:18:29]Yes, that's the problem. And And the other way around, some And the other way around because once she wants to settle down, she'll [laughter] be like, "Okay, let me Let me Let me put my abaya on and let me Let me do whatever he wants me to do and to be, you know?" And they lie to each other.

[00:18:45]>> They lie to each other, unfortunately.

[00:18:47]And in some circumstances, look, sometimes I say to people, I know it sounds terrible, but if it works in the sense that you manage to have children, you co-parent really well, you have a good life, no problem. But, if you're then going to be living a double life and maybe then the kids are getting traumatized, it's just not worth it.

[00:19:02]What is the point of living a life or a new life that you're not going >> of society, family.

[00:19:08]Because if you look at the that man, he was happy with his, let's say, European girlfriend.

[00:19:15]But, he won't Once he wants to get married, he will go and get married to somebody from his culture, values, religion because that's what's the judgment of his family will will apply, you know?

[00:19:28]>> And But, one thing I really see a lot of and I really disagree with is if you are going to date a European woman and a Western woman as a Muslim or Eastern man, what I don't understand is why do you then try and impose Muslim or Eastern values on her? You didn't You met her in a bikini on the beach. You met her where she was posting online.

[00:19:45]Why do you try and then squeeze her into these Muslim or ethnic values that she simply doesn't have because they're not in her household. Her father didn't have them. Her brothers don't have them. So, trying to get her to abide by your laws and then getting frustrated and angry when she's not doing it signals a incapaci- like an inability in you. You makes you look weak. It makes you look pathetic. It's like, "Why don't you just find somebody that meets you? Why are you forcing me to do it?" So, I think if you are going to go down the route of meeting somebody from a different culture or background, you have to accept them for who they are. They might drink, they might smoke, they might do whatever it is, but that's who they You chose them. So, better to let them be than try and squeeze them into this role. Would you see that ever?

[00:20:24]>> Yes, definitely, but I see it with people who are not um true to the to themselves and um they are they want to live that both double life, you know? They He wants that girl, but he wants also how much he's how how he was looking at her. Mhm. You You need to know the mentality, how open she he is. Yeah. Because some guys, they will look open-minded. Mhm. They will look like uh modern and and you know, I can We can drink whiskey together.

[00:20:55]>> Yeah, yeah. But back in his mind, he thinks of you as a prostitute. Right.

[00:21:01]Yeah, that's true.

[00:21:02]>> As a as a bad >> Yeah, as a bad thing, yeah.

[00:21:03]>> bad woman because his mother and his sister doesn't do this.

[00:21:08]>> That's the thing I see a lot of them.

[00:21:09]They think that the woman that's compatible with the outside version of them is a prostitute. They think she's the worst woman in the world, but she's compatible with the man that you are when you're outside of the home. You're actually the same person, but they have judgement for the woman that is in the same clubs as they are or in the same beach clubs as they are. They're like, "Oh, I would never marry But he loves her. But he loves her.

[00:21:28]>> fun, she's nice, she's uh educated.

[00:21:32]>> Yeah, but he wants to change her.

[00:21:34]>> [laughter] >> So, what's the solution? What do you think is the solution?

[00:21:37]>> he's I think he is I'm We're talking about men here, but it could be a woman.

[00:21:41]But um but the problem is his mentality. I mean, you either marry who you are or just uh don't don't ruin her life, you know?

[00:21:51]>> Yeah. As you said, you you shouldn't change her. You can't change her.

[00:21:55]>> like do you see it working quite well when there's a mix of cultures like Eastern and Western?