SPICY FANTASY ABOUT meeting ten strangers haunts a young writer / Full MOVIE / Comedy Drama Romance

[00:00:06]Many religions and individuals, including my father, have their theory of who God is, why and how, and if he or she or it created the world.

[00:00:20]I'd like to take this moment to tell you mine.

[00:00:23]God was a lonely kid who never quite fit in.

[00:00:34]He grew up never able to understand others or feel understood.

[00:00:40]>> Why don't you get out of my life and shut up?

[00:00:44]But he had a yearning so great to connect with something beyond himself.

[00:00:48]That one day when he was sitting alone in the woods on a tree stump, wondering if he would ever find love, he imagined a whole universe of lonely souls just like him. All wondering if they would ever be understood. All wondering if they could ever be loved for who they truly were. [music] And for that moment and that moment alone as he imagined all time and space as we know it, God did not feel alone.

[00:01:20]And that was good.

[00:01:21]>> Sure.

[00:01:22]>> Yes, sad.

[00:01:23]>> In my New York Times best-selling book, Five Lessons on How to be a good person in the eyes of God, what is the fifth lesson?

[00:01:31]>> Tell the truth to everyone.

[00:01:35]Always, >> always, >> always. Because God is always watching you. And to lie is to deny the existence of God.

[00:01:47]>> Backter.

[00:01:50]>> Hey.

[00:01:52]>> Hey.

[00:01:56]>> Did you not think that was great?

[00:02:00]>> Claire, you are so sexy and fun and quirky.

[00:02:05]But I am a lost and confused individual looking for something I may never find.

[00:02:15]>> So, it wasn't great.

[00:02:20]>> I didn't find what I was looking for with you.

[00:02:30]>> [ __ ] him, Ninja. You really [ __ ] him, Baxter.

[00:02:34]I told her the truth, Denny. I did. Did you want me to lie to her? Did you want me to tell her I loved her? That it was great that I want to get married and have babies.

[00:02:40]>> You could have told her the whole truth.

[00:02:42]That while you were [ __ ] her, you were fantasizing about getting [ __ ] up the ass by your ex-wife.

[00:02:46]>> Yeah, you're right. I hate when I do that. Why do I do that? What do you want me to do?

[00:02:50]>> Stop sleeping with every woman you meet.

[00:02:52]>> I know. I should. I should. But I keep thinking this next one, Denny, this next girl, this next beautiful girl will be the one. The one that saves me.

[00:03:00]>> Backter. Denny, >> maybe you're in love with me. Maybe I'm the one.

[00:03:07]>> You're a lesbian, >> so >> from Canada.

[00:03:12]>> Sally bought a farm. We're going to raise cows together.

[00:03:16]>> I thought you and Sally broke up.

[00:03:17]>> We're back together.

[00:03:19]>> Alison 11-1ven just I am me asked me to play chess. Maybe she's beautiful. Maybe she's my mythical the one day.

[00:03:25]>> Maybe she's a man. Baxter, you need to work. There is no such thing as the one.

[00:03:31]>> There is.

[00:03:51]>> Hello. Oh, hi. How you doing? Uh, hi.

[00:03:57]I'm Theodore. I'm Baxter.

[00:03:59]>> Oh, I'm your I'm your neighbor. I live in the neighborhood.

[00:04:03]>> Yeah. Um, so what are you looking for in my backyard?

[00:04:06]>> I have Have you seen my dog?

[00:04:08]>> I haven't. You're missing your dog?

[00:04:09]>> Uh, oh, here. Here is her picture and um my phone number. Please give me a call if you hear anything or of of anything.

[00:04:18]>> Great. I will.

[00:04:19]>> Okay, >> cool.

[00:04:23]>> Okay.

[00:04:23]>> Okay.

[00:04:24]>> Whoa.

[00:04:25]>> No problem.

[00:04:26]>> All right.

[00:04:26]>> Be careful.

[00:04:27]>> Thanks. All right. All right.

[00:04:29]>> All right.

[00:04:35][music] [music] I keep beating my own drum.

[00:04:50]La. I keep picking a nice drum. Ah la I keep [music] beating my own drum la. I am smarter than I'm dumb. [music] La yeah I went back to Michigan's again and there was no one there again.

[00:05:18]You want me to go back again tomorrow?

[00:05:21]Okay, fine. You're the boss.

[00:05:39]>> [music] >> Hey, Baxter.

[00:05:46]Can I get you something to drink?

[00:05:49]>> No, thank you, Georgia.

[00:05:52]You know, I really really liked your book.

[00:05:55]>> Well, thank you.

[00:05:56]>> I thought the ending was abrupt, though.

[00:05:59]>> Right. Uh, not quite finished.

[00:06:03]>> Does he find it?

[00:06:04]>> I don't know yet.

[00:06:08]>> Okay, >> you can go on inside now.

[00:06:19]So, >> so >> what do you think of your dad's new record book deal?

[00:06:24]>> It's a sequel.

[00:06:26]>> You still aren't speaking with him?

[00:06:28]>> No, it's mutual. We both need our space.

[00:06:30]>> Uh-huh. But you're staying in his house.

[00:06:31]I'm >> a little broke right now.

[00:06:33]>> Yeah, you know what I mean, Baxter. My point is he does care about you. He convinced me to take you on as a client.

[00:06:38]>> I know.

[00:06:39]>> So, I read your book or the half you completed. What do you want to do with it?

[00:06:48]>> I want to inspire people to search for meaning in their lives.

[00:06:51]>> Right. I got all that. But what did you want me to do with it?

[00:06:54]>> Well, I'm hoping you can get me some sort of advance. I mean, you got my dad 2 million, right? I figure I'll settle for a million.

[00:07:04]Truth is, I'd probably settle for a crisp $2 bill. I just need some form or sign of encouragement to help me finish [music] it.

[00:07:17]Your dad [music] writes Christian themed inspirational books.

[00:07:21]Your book, A Stick Figures [music] Having Sex, it's about a stick figure named Baxter that doesn't think he's a stick figure.

[00:07:29]>> He's searching for a portal [music] into the three-dimensional world.

[00:07:37]>> That just doesn't make any [ __ ] sense.

[00:07:51]We're not stick figures. Did you hear me? We're not stick figures.

[00:07:58][music] >> Dad. Dad.

[00:08:04]>> What is it, Baxter?

[00:08:05]>> Just discovered we aren't stick figures.

[00:08:07]We aren't Dad. We're like so much more.

[00:08:09]>> And how did you discover this? I saw in my head a door, a portal, and on the other side of this door was the threedimensional world.

[00:08:19]>> So, you imagined it?

[00:08:20]>> Yes, I imagined it, Dad. But >> what is the number one rule in my new Stick Times bestselling book, How to Be a Good Stick Figure? You >> must accept that we are stick figures and that there is no threedimensional world.

[00:08:32]>> Good job. I'm proud of you.

[00:08:34]>> But, Dad, I know there's a door. We could find it together. Go to your room, Baxter.

[00:08:41]>> You can't tell me to go to my room. I'm almost 30 years old.

[00:08:46]>> Someday I'm going to find that portal and then my dad will be proud of me.

[00:08:52]>> I'm in love with Sally.

[00:08:53]>> I know.

[00:08:54]>> No, I am really in love with Sally.

[00:08:57]>> Then why aren't you living on her couch?

[00:08:58]>> Cuz we need space.

[00:09:01]Did you know, Baxter, that Sally and I could be loyal, loving partners for 50 years and not be able to be married, but Britney Spears can go to Vegas and be married for 24 hours as a joke?

[00:09:14]>> It's because Britney Spears is not a degenerate lesbian going to hell.

[00:09:19]I'm going to email Allison 11-11 and I'm going to ask her to coffee.

[00:09:24]>> Another date, Baxter. You need to work.

[00:09:26]>> I told you there's no point. Plus, this is just a test because no normal attractive woman would say yes. Only an ugly weird one would.

[00:09:37]Crap.

[00:09:38]>> What?

[00:09:39]>> She said yes.

[00:09:42]>> Backer.

[00:09:44]>> Yes.

[00:09:45]>> What is the fourth lesson in my book that Newsweek calls timely and timeless?

[00:09:50]Five lessons on how to be a good person in the eyes of God.

[00:09:54]>> Honor your commitments. Because honoring your commitments >> commits you to honor Allison. Sorry. Oh.

[00:10:29]Allison >> within the world made of faith.

[00:10:56]You can't know the rules.

[00:11:04]Play the game.

[00:11:07]Keep your mind.

[00:11:28]Allison Baxter.

[00:11:59]Hi.

[00:12:00]>> Hi.

[00:12:10]>> [music] >> So, where are you from?

[00:12:23]Will you excuse me for one second? I need to use the lady's room.

[00:12:41]Heat.

[00:13:01][music] Heat.

[00:13:11]>> [music] >> One, feel loneliness and despair.

[00:13:22]>> Check.

[00:13:25]>> Two, distract myself from loneliness and despair with the woman I cannot love.

[00:13:31]>> Check.

[00:13:36]>> Three. Ask a woman I cannot love. Back to my place.

[00:13:47]>> Check.

[00:13:49]>> Four. Offer a woman I cannot love something to drink. Prepare to kiss her.

[00:13:58]>> Check.

[00:13:59]>> Love. Naked.

[00:14:02]>> Check.

[00:14:07]Six. Give a one I cannot love and orgasm with hand or mouse so that she'll separate.

[00:14:15]>> Check.

[00:14:30]>> Seven.

[00:14:31]Imagine other women.

[00:14:32]>> Eight. Moments after coming feel overwhelming return of loneliness and despair.

[00:14:51]Check.

[00:14:55][music] [music] >> [music] [music] [music] [music] >> Which way you going there, little guy?

[00:15:36]You want my help?

[00:15:38][music] Hi honey.

[00:16:42]>> Hi mom.

[00:16:58]How you doing, son?

[00:17:00]>> I'm hanging in there, Dad.

[00:17:01]>> Come back to work to Chicago.

[00:17:05]>> If I knew I belong there, Dad, I would.

[00:17:07]>> You don't belong out here writing porno books.

[00:17:09]>> How do you know?

[00:17:10]>> What's the third lesson?

[00:17:12]>> Follow the path that God puts before you. because he knows you can walk down that path. He knows you'll be happy on that path.

[00:17:19]>> Maybe, Dad, maybe God wants me to write the first ever pornographic stick figure novel.

[00:17:25]>> If he did, then he would want it published. But since this will never be published, he must not want it.

[00:17:32]Do you understand why I could never let you publish this? The only reason that you don't want me to publish this book is how is anyone going to take your stupid self-help book seriously if your son is a publicly acknowledged deviant?

[00:17:46]>> All I have ever wanted for you was for you to be happy. Are you happy?

[00:17:55]>> Does he find it? Baxter.

[00:17:57]>> Does who find what?

[00:17:59]>> In Baxter's book, the main stick figure is searching for the threedimensional world.

[00:18:04]Baxter hasn't finished the book yet, but I was just wondering if he knows how the book ends and if his character finds the portal.

[00:18:18]>> I don't know. You don't know because deep in your soul, you don't want to finish it.

[00:18:24]>> Everything is so simple. Dad, >> we're leaving on Saturday.

[00:18:29]Baxter, maybe if you maybe if you could tell us and yourself how the book ends before Saturday, then you can stay and you could prove to your dad that you're serious.

[00:18:42]>> He's still not publishing it.

[00:18:45]>> If you cannot find the end by Saturday, then maybe you should come back to Chicago.

[00:18:51]>> I'm not coming back to Chicago.

[00:18:52]>> Then you'll leave this house and find another place to live. I'm >> broke, Dad. and come back to Chicago.

[00:19:00]>> I'd rather live in a cardboard box.

[00:19:02]>> Well, maybe there you'll rediscover God.

[00:19:05]>> Fine. I agree.

[00:19:07]>> So do I.

[00:19:18]>> Where are you going? [music] >> I'm going to find the portal to the threedimensional world. Dad, >> it doesn't exist, Baxter.

[00:19:24]>> But I believe it does. Dad, [music] I just don't want you to be hurt when you discover it doesn't.

[00:19:34]>> You should just lie and tell your parents you figured out the end.

[00:19:37]>> I can't lie to my parents, Denny. They brainwashed me as a child.

[00:19:41]>> Where am I supposed to live if you get booted onto the street?

[00:19:44]>> Sally's, >> we broke up. Where am I supposed to live back?

[00:19:47]>> I don't know, Denny. But instead of annoying me, maybe you can help me figure out how to end my book.

[00:19:51]>> What do you think I've been trying to do? Maybe I should just move back to Chicago.

[00:19:55]>> I can't move to Chicago.

[00:19:56]>> Why not?

[00:19:57]>> Sally, >> I thought you broke up.

[00:20:02]>> What are you doing? What are you doing?

[00:20:04]>> I'm working.

[00:20:08]>> Possible endings for a Stick Figures 3D adventure. Option one. Stick backster finds the portal to the three-dimensional world. Becomes famous and respected. Stick dad apologizes for not believing in him.

[00:20:21]You might be too happy. [music] >> Option two.

[00:20:26]Stick backster fails to find the portal to the three-dimensional world and never feels worthy of his existence.

[00:20:34]>> Too depressing. What about option three?

[00:20:36]>> I don't have an option three.

[00:20:38]>> You definitely need an option three.

[00:20:40]>> What can be option three? You either find it and you're great or you don't and you suck. [music] Do you know where I can find the portal to the threedimensional world?

[00:20:57][music] Do you know where I can find the portal to the threedimensional world?

[00:21:06]Hey, do you know where I can find the portal to the threedimensional world?

[00:21:21]>> [music] [music] >> Don't judge me.

[00:21:36][music] Heat. Heat.

[00:21:44][music] >> [music] [music] [music] [music] >> I always knew it was You [music] >> would you like to get in the hot tub?

[00:22:29]>> Yes, I would.

[00:22:33][music] So, what are you guys talking about?

[00:22:54]>> You just the way you like it.

[00:22:56]>> Alison, do you know everyone?

[00:22:58]>> No.

[00:22:59]>> Then I think you guys should introduce yourselves.

[00:23:02]>> Samantha, you should start. I'm Samantha Baxter's high school girlfriend. His first love. We almost had a baby, but it was just a scare.

[00:23:12]Baxter loves sensual women with big personality, big heart, and big eyes.

[00:23:22]>> I'm Adelaide. I dated Beexter in college and never had sex.

[00:23:27]>> I was afraid of getting pregnant. Plus, she was really good at other stuff.

[00:23:31]>> I was. Well, I've studied him for years, and I can assure you he really prefers well read women with an understatement.

[00:23:40]I'm Rebecca. I spent one [ __ ] night with Baxter.

[00:23:43]>> It was more like a weekend.

[00:23:45]>> Whatever. Talked too much. Very insecure. You know what? [ __ ] it. He bored me. And after our one night >> weekend, >> I never called him back. And the loser hasn't ever let me go.

[00:23:56]>> So she did to you what you do to everyone else.

[00:24:00]>> Yeah, but I'm much nicer about it.

[00:24:08]>> I don't know you. You haven't met me yet.

[00:24:10]>> That would explain why I don't know you.

[00:24:12]>> I'm here representing all the women that could be the one that you won't meet until the future. She's like a union rabbit. Exactly. Except the minute that you think that you've really met the one, you'll lose your chance of ever meeting me.

[00:24:27]I'm Leslie, his ex-wife.

[00:24:31]I will tell you what these women won't.

[00:24:35]Baxter doesn't know what he wants, but he thinks he does. and he's so damn charming that you fall for it despite your better self telling you otherwise.

[00:24:45]Then one day as he's packing his things, he says, "I would rather leave and wake up every day wishing I were with you than stay and wake up every morning wishing I were somewhere else."

[00:25:00]And your better self says, "I told you so.

[00:25:09]When we were talking about who would be the best one to help you with this problem, I said me. I said Leslie. I suggested a member of mine.

[00:25:17]>> I said who the [ __ ] cares as long as it's not me.

[00:25:19]>> So, we decide to draw cards and the highest card helps you. But remember, the results of this only pertain to this particular problem. They do not in any way help with finding the one.

[00:25:41][music] >> [music] >> You're waiting for her.

[00:26:31]>> Yes.

[00:26:31]>> She ditched you.

[00:26:32]>> She's the one.

[00:26:33]>> Baxter, you have to figure out the end of your book.

[00:26:36]>> She's going to help me. I'm going to tell her everything. I'm going to tell her about the book. I'm going to tell her about my fantasies and she's going to help me. I had a vision.

[00:26:43]>> You had a vision?

[00:26:44]>> I had a vision.

[00:26:46]>> You suck, Baxter.

[00:27:18]This is your same destructive pattern, Baxter.

[00:27:22]Always wanting a woman to save you instead of saving yourself.

[00:27:28]If you go, I'll never speak to you [music] again.

[00:27:35]>> [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] >> Uh, Alison.

[00:29:13]Alison. [music] >> Hi.

[00:29:24]>> I'm sorry about last night.

[00:29:26]>> Yeah. Why did you run?

[00:29:31]Can you wait in the living room? I'll be out in a second.

[00:29:34]>> Oh, okay.

[00:29:57]Hi Hi.

[00:30:08]>> Did I tell you I'm obsessed with you?

[00:30:11]>> Yes.

[00:30:12]>> Are you obsessed with me?

[00:30:22]>> Why did you run?

[00:30:27]Where are you from? Do you have a job?

[00:30:30]Does every guy that looks into your eyes feel like he's dancing in slow motion, naked on the moon?

[00:30:36]>> Did you just come up with that right now?

[00:30:37]>> No. Took me like 2 hours while I was obsessing about you.

[00:30:41]>> The answer is no.

[00:30:42]>> How do you know? I can't imagine being a guy not feeling that way.

[00:30:46]>> The answer is no. Because I've never looked into another man's eyes and felt like I was dancing in slow motion naked on the moon.

[00:30:58]Get out. I'm getting dressed.

[00:30:59]>> You're dressed. I'm the one that's naked.

[00:31:02]>> Then you get dressed.

[00:31:03]>> Why won't you tell me anything about you? If you don't tell me anything about you, then I'm going to tell you everything about me. And not just everything everyone else knows about me, but everything I know about me.

[00:31:12]>> I don't think I can be that person for you.

[00:31:15]>> But what if I really wanted you to be that person?

[00:31:17]>> I need to get dressed. How about we both get under the covers and talk naked?

[00:31:26]It's just that sometimes I have sex with a woman just so I can talk naked with her at 3:00 a.m. because talking naked with a woman at 3:00 a.m. makes me feel inspired and free. But then I always feel bad, right? Cuz the next morning I'm like, I just had sex with her so I could talk naked.

[00:31:43]But with you, Allison, I'll get to talk naked without having to have sex.

[00:31:50]>> You're like a girl.

[00:31:51]>> Well, thank you.

[00:31:54]>> Okay.

[00:31:55]>> Okay.

[00:31:56]>> Get into bed.

[00:32:04]>> Close your eyes.

[00:32:12]>> [music] >> You ready to talk?

[00:32:20]>> No. [music] Go ahead.

[00:32:31]>> [music] >> The reason I stopped before we had sex is because every time I have sex with a woman, I can't help but to imagine.

[00:32:43][music] Maybe I'm not quite ready to tell you everything about me.

[00:32:56]>> [music] >> I'm from Atlanta.

[00:33:18]What is the second lesson in my book which has been translated into over 34 languages including Portuguese.

[00:33:31]>> Love is a language of God. Learn to speak it fluently.

[00:33:35]>> Good job, Baxter. Only one more lesson to go.

[00:33:51]A pretty smart place [music] to be in an earthquake [music] is an airplane.

[00:34:04]But oh, [music] I'm walking a fine line. Oh, [music] I'm [singing] walking.

[00:34:15]>> Hi.

[00:34:16]>> Hi.

[00:34:22]>> I have to get ready for work.

[00:34:24]>> Yeah, me too.

[00:34:26]I want to see you as soon as possible.

[00:34:30]>> Me, too.

[00:34:36]>> Hey, who's texting you at 7:00 a.m.?

[00:34:46]Forget the phone.

[00:34:48]>> What phone?

[00:34:54]>> Denny. I found her. Denny, for real this time, she's it. And that's good. That's a good thing cuz now I can concentrate on the book. I can con the suitcase is a little dramatic, don't you think?

[00:35:09]I'm moving in with Sally.

[00:35:13]>> You're a masochist.

[00:35:15]>> Did you even talk about your book with your big savior, Allison? Did you have the balls to tell her about the orgy fantasies?

[00:35:22]Do you want to know why, Baxter? Because if you told her, you might actually have to stop imagining them. And deep down, you don't want to stop. They may make you miserable, but they make you you.

[00:35:35]>> Have fun at Sally's. I'm really going, Baxter.

[00:35:38]>> Good. Bye, Denny.

[00:36:02]Wo. Wo. [music] >> [music] >> Theodore, what are you doing up on my roof.

[00:36:35]>> Oh, I I'm just looking for my dog, Theodore.

[00:36:39]>> You can't be looking for your dog up on my roof. Come on down.

[00:36:46]You named your dog after yourself.

[00:36:48]>> Yes, I did. My dog and I are like the same person except she's a girl and a dog. I got to take this real quick.

[00:36:55]Okay. This is Baxter.

[00:36:57]>> Hey, this is Georgia from Andrea Cutner's office.

[00:36:59]>> Hi, Georgia.

[00:37:00]>> Hey, Andrea. Would love to set up a meeting with you for tomorrow afternoon.

[00:37:04]I think it is about a publisher that wants to publish your book.

[00:37:07]>> Really?

[00:37:09]Okay. Uh well then I will be there.

[00:37:11]Awesome. Great. George, I'll see you then. I got to run.

[00:37:14]>> Okay.

[00:37:20][snorts] >> Okay. All right.

[00:37:24]Sorry.

[00:37:28][music] >> [music] [music] >> Did I put you on the wrong side last time? Heat. Heat. [music] Hi, this is Alison. I'm not here and maybe I never was.

[00:39:06]Hey Alison, it's Baxter. I think I'm stalking you, so please stalk me back.

[00:39:20]>> Elbow in, Baxter. Elbow in, >> Dad. Yeah.

[00:39:28]>> Did you always know you're going to be successful when you're older?

[00:39:32]>> I think I always did.

[00:39:39]>> Do you think I'll be successful when I'm older?

[00:39:43]I bet you will be. Now, keep your elbow in.

[00:40:42]Hi.

[00:40:43]>> Hi.

[00:40:45]>> Did I stalk you fast enough?

[00:40:47]>> No.

[00:41:01]Only you could have written this book.

[00:41:05]>> That bad?

[00:41:06]>> I couldn't pay a higher compliment.

[00:41:10]>> Well, then will you tell me how to finish it?

[00:41:14]>> The girl has to save him. Of course.

[00:41:31]Hi.

[00:41:31]>> Hi.

[00:41:32]>> What you doing?

[00:41:33]>> Looking for a portal to the threedimensional world. Huh?

[00:41:36]>> Really? I've always been told there was no threedimensional world.

[00:41:40]>> Me, too.

[00:41:41]>> I'm going to help you. [music] >> It might be hopeless.

[00:41:43]>> Nothing's hopeless when you have a partner.

[00:41:47]>> Where have you looked?

[00:41:48]>> Everywhere.

[00:41:49]>> Everywhere.

[00:41:51]>> Everywhere.

[00:41:52]Have you looked under this [music] rock?

[00:41:56]>> Is that the portal to the three-dimensional world?

[00:41:59]>> No, >> it's dirt.

[00:42:03]>> Maybe it's underneath the dirt.

[00:42:11]>> What is it?

[00:42:13]>> A door.

[00:42:30]This afternoon hasn't been another [ __ ] tease by you, has it?

[00:42:33]>> You're like a man.

[00:42:34]>> Thank you.

[00:42:44]>> Wait, >> what?

[00:42:45]>> I hear somebody.

[00:42:48]Someone's here.

[00:42:48]>> We should go to your place.

[00:42:49]>> Who is it?

[00:42:50]>> Give me 10 minutes. I'll meet you at your place.

[00:42:52]>> Who is it? I don't know.

[00:42:53]>> 10 minutes.

[00:42:54]>> Al. Alison, come on.

[00:43:01]>> Wait here. I'll go see who it is.

[00:43:18]>> [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] >> Alison, [music] >> I'm sorry. Don't >> What's wrong? [sighs and gasps] >> Why are you stopping?

[00:44:08]>> [sighs and gasps] >> I just can't.

[00:44:11]>> Why?

[00:44:13][panting] [sighs] >> Faster, talk to me. Just be honest.

[00:44:21][sighs] [sighs] When I was having sex with you.

[00:44:36]I'm just looking for something, Allison.

[00:44:38]I'm trying to find something.

[00:44:40]>> What?

[00:44:42]>> I don't know.

[00:44:44]The one God, the meaning of life, I don't know.

[00:44:54]>> And who isn't?

[00:45:04]I just don't think I'm going to find what I'm looking for with you.

[00:45:19]>> Backter, I'm not the one. I was never going to be the one. I don't even believe in the [ __ ] one. And now I'm running again, just like you secretly want.

[00:45:43]Okay, they're gone. Go ahead and open it.

[00:45:47]>> I thought we were going to open it together.

[00:45:49]>> I think you should open it by yourself just in case.

[00:45:53]>> Just in case of what?

[00:45:54]>> Open it.

[00:46:03]Bye, Baxter.

[00:46:08]>> Oh, no. [screaming] >> One, feel loneliness and despair.

[00:46:27]>> Check.

[00:46:45]Two, distract myself from loneliness and despair with a woman I cannot love.

[00:46:54]>> Check.

[00:46:56]>> Hello, Baxter. Right now I am saying something very charming and interesting and it's making you want to have coffee with me.

[00:47:03]>> Oh, I am too easy.

[00:47:18]>> So, have you actually come up with something interesting and charming [music] to say to your ex?

[00:47:23]Emma, the only reason I want to have coffee with you is so that I can distract myself [music] from my work and my misery by making out with you. Even though we both know that there's no real romantic connection between the two of us, you still want to meet for coffee.

[00:47:40]Backster, come on. You know, a girl needs at least a little bit of plausible deniability [music] to hook up with a guy.

[00:47:47]>> I know.

[00:47:51]>> Good luck on that search of yours.

[00:47:53]You too.

[00:48:04]That wasn't on the list.

[00:48:43]Thank you. Anytime.

[00:48:48]Hey, you don't happen to know where I can find the portal to the three-dimensional world, do you? No, I don't.

[00:48:59]But when you find it, make sure you let me know where it is.

[00:49:08]Bye, Backster.

[00:49:12]Bye, God.

[00:49:46]This is Baxter. [music] Back diving Michigan.

[00:49:52]No, I'll go.

[00:50:11]>> [music] >> Stop banging on my door. Oh, hey. Uh, >> you're scaring my poo.

[00:50:31]>> I'm sorry. Is uh is Ivan Michigan here?

[00:50:33]I I from Crosstown Courier. I just got to deliver this package.

[00:50:37]>> Oh, yes. You're looking at her.

[00:50:40]>> I've been trying to deliver this package for a whole week and you just you've never been here. It's >> for a whole week.

[00:50:44]>> Yeah. A whole week.

[00:50:45]>> You've been here?

[00:50:46]>> Coming here every day?

[00:50:49]>> Aren't we honored? Thank you very much.

[00:50:51]Congratulations, little boy.

[00:50:53]>> Thank you. I'm going to need you to sign this.

[00:50:55]>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. I uh Do you mind? Sure.

[00:50:59]>> Just need to verify a couple of things.

[00:51:09]>> Yeah, that's for me. All right.

[00:51:13]>> Great. Oh, it's a nice dog.

[00:51:17]>> I'm just curious. Can I uh ask what's inside the package?

[00:51:26]>> [ __ ] off.

[00:51:30]>> [laughter] >> Thank you. All right. Have a good day.

[00:51:34]>> You too.

[00:51:35]>> I'll close the door.

[00:51:36]>> Thank you, Blue Boy.

[00:51:37]>> All right.

[00:51:39]>> Actually, Ivan, I got to have you sign this.

[00:51:41]>> [ __ ] off, Blue Boy.

[00:52:08]>> [music] [music] >> Hey there, Baxter. [music] You can just go on inside. Okay.

[00:52:27]>> Hey, good luck.

[00:52:30]>> Thank you.

[00:52:56]What are you two doing here?

[00:52:57]>> Your dad has some good news.

[00:52:59]>> Well, first we both like to know if you have an ending for your stick figure porno book.

[00:53:05]>> No, I do not.

[00:53:08]>> Well, I talked to my editor and he said that publishers would love the chance to publish a book written by you.

[00:53:17]publishers want to publish my pornographic stick figure now.

[00:53:20]>> No, no, they have a better idea and that is to do a memoir. You can write about your childhood, the years you spent out here struggling, the time we worked together, and hopefully your return to Chicago to do the work you were meant to do with me.

[00:53:39]I can write a forward for it. And Andrea thinks that alone would make it a huge seller.

[00:53:45]Of course, to get this memoir book deal, I will have to agree not to publish my pornographic stick figure book.

[00:53:51]>> Well, no one's going to publish that anyway.

[00:53:54]>> You don't even know how it ends, Baxter.

[00:53:58]>> So, Baxter, last one in my book, Five Lessons on How to Be a Good Person in the Eyes of God. What's the first lesson?

[00:54:14]I can't remember.

[00:54:22]>> God gave every person a unique purpose and we must all find out what that purpose is.

[00:54:33]And then no matter who or what tries to stop us, we must spend our lives fulfilling that purpose.

[00:54:42]Now I remember. That's my favorite one.

[00:54:45]>> It's my favorite, too. That's why I made it the first lesson.

[00:55:07]I can't take the deal, Dad.

[00:55:11]Baxter, I think you're making a big mistake.

[00:55:13]>> It's okay, Andre.

[00:55:21]>> I can still come visit Chicago, though.

[00:55:32]Covenant [music] stood [music] [singing] by time can p and in love.

[00:56:05][singing] >> I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

[00:56:21]And I wanted to tell you that every time I have sex, I imagine I'm having an orgy. Not even a real orgy, just usually me and my ex-wife and whatever other woman pops in my head. [music] It's >> the only way I can stay hard during sex.

[00:56:36]But I thought I wouldn't with you because of that whole [singing] dancing naked in slow motion on the moon thing.

[00:56:43]>> But I [music] did. But then I stopped. I stopped the fantasy. I stopped having sex. I stopped the fantasy because Well, >> I never stopped before >> with any other woman. And that's got to mean something, right? [music] >> I never told anyone before because I was ashamed and I felt like a [music] freak.

[00:57:07]But it's just who I am.

[00:57:11]I >> guess I'll go now.

[00:57:15]Bye.

[00:57:18]in the land.

[00:57:20]Evidence [music] to the same. So that >> you got your dog back.

[00:57:44]>> I did.

[00:57:45]>> That's great. I just want to thank you for helping.

[00:57:49]>> Uh, I I didn't really do anything.

[00:57:52]>> Oh, but I think you did.

[00:57:59]>> Bye, Baxter.

[00:58:00]>> Bye, Theo.

[00:58:01]>> Bye, Theo the dog.

[00:58:42]>> [music] [music] [music] >> What do you want me to say?

[00:59:03]>> Hi.

[00:59:05]>> Hi.

[00:59:09]Sometimes when I have sex, I imagine being DPEd, >> DPED, >> double penetrated.

[00:59:19]But the strange thing is is that I imagine it from the guy's point of view.

[00:59:23]I imagine what it feels like for the guy. I look down at my body and I can feel the pleasure my body is giving them.

[00:59:33]Makes me come every time.

[00:59:37]I never told anybody because I thought I was a freak.

[00:59:40]>> Oh, no. You're not a freak. You're extraordinary.

[00:59:49]>> Do you want to try something crazy and possibly genius?

[01:00:01]>> Do you want me to leave?

[01:00:02]>> No. Do you want to leave?

[01:00:04]>> No.

[01:00:06]So now we just hang out, get some food, have sex again if we want.

[01:00:14]Next time we get to do my fantasy.

[01:00:41]>> [music] >> Heat. Heat.

[01:00:58][music] >> [music] >> Oh [music] [bell] yeah. [music] Oh. [music] Oh, [music] nice hat.

[01:01:58]Thought it would be funny.

[01:02:04]>> I'm sorry, Denny.

[01:02:05]>> I'm sorry I left. Should have known you can't live without me.

[01:02:11]>> I have to leave the house.

[01:02:12]>> Well, maybe we can crash on Allison's couch for a bit.

[01:02:16]>> So, you like Allison?

[01:02:17]>> I do, but you have to promise me, Baxter, that you're never going to think another woman's the one. Besides you, of course, >> I'm special.

[01:02:29]>> I love you, Denny.

[01:02:30]>> I love you, too, Baxter.

[01:02:56]>> [music] >> All right.

[01:03:28][music] Heat. [music] Heat.

[01:03:53][music] Heat. Heat.

[01:04:20]Heat. Heat.

[01:04:40]Heat. Heat. N.

[01:04:50]Heat. Heat.

[01:05:43]Heat.

[01:06:00]A pretty [music] smart place to be in an earthquake is an airplane.

[01:06:13]But oh, I'm [music] walking a fine line. Oh, I'm walking [music] the fall [singing] line. And oh, I'll go over the [music] edge if I'm not careful this time.

[01:06:44]Woah. Woah.