Yapping While I Put Away My Laundry To Body Double With The Other Neurodivergents

[00:00:00]Hi, I'm Dana and I I feel like you know what's coming when I'm just sat next to a [ __ ] off big [ __ ] pile of laundry.

[00:00:07]We are indeed obviously doing another body doubling video. So for anybody that's new, these are videos where I just chat some [ __ ] I just chatter some absolute bollocks and you can put it on in the background and if you fancy it, you can use it as body doubling to do something you've been meaning to get around to. So for me, obviously I was putting away my [ __ ] laundry. I've been quite good with actually keeping up with washing my clothes because it's been hot. So, I've been sweaty, so I've needed to, but I've I've just very simply then not put them away clearly. I know that some of you guys have commented letting me know that you do just watch these. And that's where I also I don't want to put pressure on I don't want it to be like you're sat there feeling guilty for just watching like you are absolutely allowed to just watch. It's all good. It's all fine.

[00:00:54]Whatever works for you is all good. So yeah, that's that's the point. I need to find some bollocks to chatter about now.

[00:01:03]But honestly, I've mostly just been working really I don't want to I've been working really hard. Like I still have to be quite gentle on myself and be I find it hard. I find it hard to feed myself.

[00:01:17]I've never wanted to like work hard on things, but I've been putting a good amount of effort into my foot shoe stuff and like figuring out the law of them and getting things into place with them and doing my little collages. I made some polymer clay figures of them that I took out into like one of my old spots that I like and took some pictures of them like out in their natural habitat and that was really fun. I I don't find it that difficult to like work on my own ideas and develop what I want to do, but I do find it owed. Do you mind? I do find it quite difficult to then know what I'm like doing with it. Like with my collages, people keep asking me if I'm going to self-publish.

[00:01:51]And I just I I don't have any concept of how that works. Like I I sort of get it for like a written book, but like it's a picture book. There's loads of colors and it'd be really expensive to print.

[00:02:02]So I don't really know how I would ever go about doing that myself. You know, like I I'm very good at making things.

[00:02:09]I'm very not good at knowing what I'm meant to do with the months I've made them. He's not used to the wardrobes being open. He's just sniffing at everything. And like I don't think I have anything about that isn't cat safe.

[00:02:20]But I constantly worry that there's just something he's going to get into. But also I've had cats for like 12 years and none of them have been none of them have died on my watch. So I think he should be fine.

[00:02:33]He's behind over there. I I frankly I really can't be bothered to do this, but it's getting to a point like it's such a [ __ ] big pile that like I can't even really properly hoo my room anymore. So, my room's just generally getting a bit glossy. And I've been all right at keeping downstairs tidy, but my room's a bit [ __ ] And I really need to just get it sorted. So, I'm going to take today, it's Sunday, I've skipped my book club to do this. And then I'm going to just try and get the house like I can fold this. What am I doing? somewhat in order like the whole house, all of it.

[00:03:05]My bathroom, my bedroom, the whole lot of it. And I ordered takeout last night and we are at a point where ordering a vegan curry from my really nice like little local place is actually the same price as just getting something that would have previously been like the cheap option. So, I have that for tonight as well as having it last night.

[00:03:22]So, once I've done my dishes, I'm not going to be using anymore. So, that's nice. We have that going for me.

[00:03:30]But I do also really need to stop ordering takeout. I can't afford it. But I also keep getting safe foods in that then stopped being safe foods. Like I had a good little run with having avocado toast/ avocado on bagels as like a little lunchtime thing. And that stopped cuz I had the other day I cut open four different avocados and all of them like looked just a little bit wrong. And I so often have the thing especially with vegetables where there's a massive part of my brain that's like it smells fine, most of the texture is fine. you can just cut off that one little brown bit. It's a vegetable.

[00:04:01]That's how vegetables work. Like that's what you do. And I just can't [ __ ] do it. It makes me feel so sick at the idea of eating it. And it just completely like it transforms it into being a completely inedible thing to me. And it's not like it's just that avocado.

[00:04:15]It's every avocado now feels like it's not an actual edible thing because that one avocado wasn't quite [ __ ] right.

[00:04:22]And it just ruins my life to be quite honest with you. really is my big difficulty cuz I still have like another three avocados in my fridge that are just going more and more off because I'm like well I can't eat them but I don't want to do food waste cuz they are perfectly good avocados and I know that and just the fact that I've become a [ __ ] that does avocado taste in first place. I'm like Jesus Christ this is why you can't get a mortgage isn't it? This is why you can't afford Netflix. But to be really honest everything could be significantly worse and I'm really quite grateful for the position that I'm in.

[00:04:51]You know, like when I've had like the really stressful, chaotic times, that's been a hell of a lot more difficult to deal with than anything that I'm dealing with now. And oh, that's I was talking to one of my friends last night and I realized that it's been 2 and a half years since I did my big America trip.

[00:05:07]And that was absolutely [ __ ] horrifying because so much happened between the America trip and now. And that's like a very big like time point in my brain of like America and the fact that like I've had like like I moved out of my first roommate and in with the next roommate and then in with the next roomate and then had them move out and had to just like live in their creepy [ __ ] horrible little house and then moved here. Like my mother died. Like so much has happened in the last two and a half years. And it deeply felt to me as though it had happened across like four or five years and it hasn't been. It's been two and a half. So, I'm I'm like very deeply trying to process just exactly how much I went through in that amount of time because I'm I'm not one to sit around and I've been through so much, man. But like I'm also quite aware that I have dealt with quite a lot and I just I really my brain did not compute how short of an amount of time I'd experienced a lot of those things with him. And it is a bit wild and mad and a lot to process and to wrap my little head around to be honest with you. And it's a weird sort of like quite bittersweet thing as well because obviously I did real [ __ ] well. I've got myself into a way better position than I was in. I'm living in like my dream little place that I really love.

[00:06:16]I'm doing really well like meeting people and getting to know people and building friendships and like finding my community. Like I feel like things are going exceptionally well for me and I'm really proud of myself and I'm really glad about it. But it's also very weird to look back and be like, "Oh, all of these like really big chaotic things that were like honestly really traumatizing and really difficult to go through and I very much had to just push through a bit, get through it, survive, just deal with it." And I've I've done the surviving now and I'm just sitting here and I'm like, "Oh, all of that was actually really quite deeply horrible."

[00:06:50]And I didn't take any time to process any of it cuz I just I just needed to get through it. Just needed to get to the next thing. And now I'm in a much more relaxed position and it's all sort of playing on my brain a lot more. And I felt quite shitty about it because I was like, "God, all of this happened so long ago." And I'm just like constantly ruminating on it, constantly bringing up in my own mind. And I actually think I'm being really unfair on myself with that cuz it really didn't happen very long ago. And especially the people that I knew at the time were very like, "Well, you need to deal with it, don't you?

[00:07:21]You're growing up. You're an adult. You just need to get over it." And like yeah, to a point like obviously I do need to just like keep living and do the next thing. But also they shouldn't have been so like [ __ ] abusing and traumatizing me during times that were already very like traumatizing and difficult just due to circumstance, you know? Like especially being able to compare the way that I'm being treated now by like both my internet friends and by people I'm meeting like out and about and in the community and people that I'm trying to build friendships with. It's just the the way that some people spoke to me, the way that some people were treating me. It was actually just as insane and crazy and horrible as I thought it was at the time. And they convinced me it wasn't. But I was I was actually right. And now I need to process all of that and deal with all of that. And it's it's not very pleasant. I won't lie to you. But I also am in the healthiest position I've been in in my life to be able to process things and think about things and heal from things and everything. So it I I don't think it's going to be particularly easy. And it's not often making me feel quite like sad and down and not very good. But I think it's a really good thing to like wrap my brain around and to process and to deal with to be able to move on from it all and to be able to feel properly happy. And yeah, I also I really do need to go to the doctors cuz we've talked a whole bunch about how horrible my periods are. And I'm having at this point like two and a half weeks of every single month where I feel this deep inside sadness. Oh, and this is in the box. Can you see him? He's so baby. But I'm having this like insanely deep sadness that sits really heavily on my chest and makes me feel like I'm about to cry at any given moment. And it doesn't feel like it's mine. Like I've been doing like a lot of reflecting and trying to like figure it out cuz I was very like is this actually like internal processing happening and I'm not necessarily thinking about specific things, but I'm feeling like the sadness and the anger and whatever else that I should have felt at the time. And that's just coming through now that I'm in like a healthier situation. And I don't think it's impossible. I don't think it's like 100,000% definitely not that. But I also think that it is massively like some sort of hormonal thing. Like it just so deeply doesn't feel like my sadness. It feels like I have been programmed to feel sad for a couple of weeks and it's it's not mine. It's not mine. I don't want to feel that way. And I have no reason to feel that way. And I don't want it. And I I deeply think that it's something horrible at this point. And I'm going to have to try and deal with it.

[00:09:49]I I need like an hourong doctor's appointment to explain everything. And I know I'm not going to get that. And I'm so scared to go and to deal with it cuz maybe it'll be a really great experience and I'll get all sorted. It'll be brilliant. Maybe it'll be like every other [ __ ] doctor's experience I've had where I don't feel heard. I don't feel listened to. I don't feel like they care about my issues. I feel like I'm just being written off as like silly little woman gets sad and has a painful period and thinks that we're supposed to do something about it. And I just I I a think I'd spiral. I think See, that's the thing is I'm like, "Yeah, I am doing quite well at the minute. If anything triggers the way that I used to feel and makes me feel that chaotic and out of it again, I'm going to absolutely spiral and have like the worst time of my life and go absolutely batshit. I need to stand up and hang this on the thing that has my skirt on it." Like I told y'all about how my neighbors took my [ __ ] chair and they said they'd give it back the next day and that did not happen. I still don't have my chair back. It's been like four days and there's been multiple times that I've seen them and I haven't been able to say anything because it's one of those things where if I go over there and I'm like, "Well, sorry. Can I get my chair back?" Like you said, if they're a little bit aggressive with me, like they have been previously, if they don't immediately give me back my [ __ ] chair, I'm either going to have a meltdown in front of them and stand there and [ __ ] stop and cry, but please just give me back my chair, or I'm going to lose my [ __ ] mind and start screaming at them.

[00:11:07]And I don't want to do that, you know?

[00:11:09]Like, that's not an appropriate way of dealing with issues. That's not how you're supposed to be as an adult.

[00:11:12]That's not I can't be like that. That's not how just No. No.

[00:11:19]So, the solution is simply not getting back my [ __ ] chair because otherwise I'll lose my [ __ ] on these [ __ ] that stole my [ __ ] chair. Like, and I there's a part of me it's like I'd actually be pretty within my rights for that. Maybe you shouldn't steal from me.

[00:11:33]But there's also a point where I don't want all of my other neighbors to see me like losing my [ __ ] [ __ ] in the street and thinking that I'm crazy. So, I am being a little bit avoidant of some things right now in a way that I feel like is sort of an accommodation cuz I'm just like I'm going to I'm going to [ __ ] lose it. I will go absolutely batshit and really embarrass myself and really like put myself into a situation I don't need to be in. It's not going to help the situations that I have. But I don't know what else to do. I don't know what my alternative is. I I find [snorts] life quite difficult. I feel like we maybe have talked about this before, but that's that's the long and short of it, isn't it? And I bought this cotton dress ages ago, and it still has the [ __ ] tag on it. At least I only paid 375 for it. I keep intending to like embroider stuff on it so I can like wear it open as some sort of little cape cuz it looks absolutely disgustingly on me as a dress cuz it's just it's it's straight up and down and my body is not there's bits that are small, there's bits that are big. This dress doesn't work on me as a dress. So, um, instead of hanging it up, I'm going to throw it over there with my blanket. So, I'm going to actually like embroider and do something to it. Make it fun. Oh my god, I'm so too warm. But I don't want to take my hoodie off on camera cuz I'm just wearing a little vest. And see my That is one thing that gets to me a little bit online is that I am quite scared. Like, this is the thing. We aren't just nabbering and chattering and yapping and so I can say anything, can't I? And I am very scared of being sexualized online for things that I don't realize are sexual because I uploaded my video like five years ago now when one of my friends in America sent me over loads of pairs of tights and I was so excited to style them. And then after getting quite a lot of comments from quite creepy men. I was like, "Oh, tights are tights are a fetish and I'm being sexualized against my will."

[00:13:24]So, it's things like it's hot, it's summer time, I'm wearing little vest tops and I I don't wear bras at the rest of the times because I don't think I should [ __ ] have to. And I'm sick of seeing men walking around shirtless as well while we're talking about it. But I just like even like I think it was Jordan Teresa. There was another YouTuber that I was watching the other day and she was talking about how she posted a video where in the mirror behind her there were bits where you could see her bare feet and people were commenting be like, "Oh, watch out honey. odd my [ __ ] hand cuz cuz people sexualize [ __ ] bare feet. And there's so many things where I'm like I just I don't feel like I've realized it's a thing that's like a fetish and all of a sudden people are going to be being like that and I really really deeply don't like it. Let's face it, it's not because people are sexualizing me. It's because men are sexualizing me and I don't need anything to do with them. I don't like them. I don't want to do that. Men are so often the issue and it feels like it's not something we're supposed to say because they're lonely and I'm I'm quite sick of it to be honest with you. I feel a bit sick.

[00:14:27]I'm sure you're really enjoying this part, aren't you?

[00:14:31]Oh, I think it's also especially a bit of a worry cuz I just I've never once in my life understood how I am perceived as a person. I don't know how people like take me. I don't know what people think of me and all of that really freaks me out and scares me quite a lot. Every time I have been told a perception of me, I've felt like it's untrue. And like I'll give like the vast majority of times when people have told me their perceptions of me, they've been being mean. Like they have. So maybe it's best that I don't believe them. But I also like I I have zero perception of myself. That's why I find it really difficult. Like I I like the idea of like having personal style. And I think there's definitely a point to which I do, but I also am so scared of like trying anything and stepping out of my comfort zone and doing things that I haven't already been doing for a long time cuz it's going to feel performative and people are going to perceive me as being I don't know because of this like decision that I've made because every decision that we make like leads to people's perception of us and it all terriies me. I don't like any of it.

[00:15:36]There's so many things that I think I would like to try and give a go and see if it is like a a little bit of me and I because it's not already a little bit of me. I don't feel able to. And there's lots of things that I thought are really cool and really nice and really whatever and other people like deeply don't have that perception of it.

[00:15:56]See, this is the thing is that like in these videos I very much voice the things that like I don't tend to let myself overthink. I I do pretty well at like reflecting on things and talking about things with my friends and then not necessarily moving on cuz it does definitely pop back up, but like I find myself some some way of distraction to move on because it's not something that actually needs overthinking. But then when I'm making a video, I can just say all the things that I would have overthought in my little brain and get them out there. And not like so much get them out there, but get them out of my [ __ ] head, you know? Like they've gone somewhere else. That's better.

[00:16:31]This top just like doesn't stay on hangers and it's actually quite annoying. So, I think I'll take this and just like leave it there and we're going to hope for the best with that. There's still just so [ __ ] much. Like I thought way more of it was just blankets and towels. And like a lot of it is blankets and towels, don't get me wrong, but like there's still a lot a lot of it that isn't. Oh, what else do I have to talk about?

[00:16:55]Nothing. That's it. That is that is that I'm still finding it hard to get myself back into using public transport. I'm still taking way more Ubers than I want to to be able to get to the things that I want to do cuz getting onto like buses, especially early in the morning or like not even early in the morning, just not like midafter afternoon freaks me out. And I don't really know why. And it does frustrate me a bit that I'm like this at the minute. So I keep looking at bicycles. I'm like, I could get a bike.

[00:17:24]And it's like, well, number one, babes, you've always fallen off bikes like all the [ __ ] time. And like, I don't want to ride around wearing a helmet cuz I just feel like I look a [ __ ] pillock.

[00:17:33]But also, I fall off my bike all the time. I I would be more of a pill to not be wearing a helmet, you know? And and oh, like the concept of riding a bike on any roads that have cars on it, all that kind of stuff already scares the absolute be Jesus out of me. And beyond that, I can't find a [ __ ] bike I can afford. Brand new bikes that people deliver to you are [ __ ] expensive even for like cheap ones. Like there's there's no actual cheap ones. There's just ones that aren't as expensive as the other ones. There's some place near me that's meant to do like really cheap secondhand bikes that they've serviced, but you can only you like they don't have like a shop that you can go and look and you have to like phone them up and book an appointment to go and look and like I'm not doing that cuz that's so much pressure to buy then and there's no actual like there there's nowhere telling you what the prices are.

[00:18:21]They're like, "Oh, yes, they're affordable." And it's like, I get told a lot of things are [ __ ] affordable, and I I can't afford them. They're not really in my budget. Like, you know, so I don't want to organize a whole [ __ ] meeting with someone to go and look at a bike and be, "Oh, I can't afford this actually." But see you.

[00:18:37]I've looked on like eBay and Facebook [ __ ] marketplace and Free Cycle and Gum Tree and everywhere else I could [ __ ] find for secondhand bikes and they're all either like absolute rust buckets that I wouldn't even know where to start with trying to fix them up or they're miles and miles and miles away and it's like I'd have to get like four [ __ ] trains to go and pick it up and like that's then adding like 20 quid on top of the price and then I'm going to have to like bring a bike home on the train which makes me like extremely anxious at the thought of and it just I don't I don't know how I'm getting a [ __ ] bike. And even if I did get a bike, I don't know how that's going to actually go for me. But I'm really really struggling with public transport.

[00:19:14]I also I keep having weird [ __ ] Uber drivers and I I find it deeply uncomfortable. I don't really want to be in a one-on-one situation with a random man stuck in his car where like I don't feel like I can leave. I don't feel like I can get out. And like the last one shouted at me a few before that he he [ __ ] we exchanged numbers cuz he was really nice and he was like being really friendly to me. And then when I told my friends about it, they were like, "Dana, that's creepy as [ __ ] Don't call this man. Don't answer the phone when he calls you." So that was that. And don't get me wrong, I did have a level of like I think he might have been a little bit creepy, but also like he kept reassuring me that he isn't creepy, so maybe he isn't creepy. It's like, do non-creepy men feel the need to keep reassuring you that they're actually not creepy? Do they? Cuz like I there's some men that I'm around in like my aunt groups and things and they've not had to reassure me that they're not creepy. They just haven't been creepy. You know, the man that I initially made friends with when I moved here keeps messaging me and I don't want to be his friend. He made me quite uncomfortable. And like I don't think he meant to make me uncomfortable, but I also like I'm sorry. I'm not mothering this man into understanding how like casual misogyny makes women uncomfortable. It's not my responsibility. It's not up to me. But also, people don't like it when you're like, "Oh yeah, you seem like a perfectly nice person, but I don't want to be friends." So, I don't know how to make him stop messaging me. I keep doing like, "Oh, I'm just so busy lately and like not giving him anything, but he doesn't seem to mind."

[00:20:38]And that also just makes me feel mean.

[00:20:40]Like, I'd almost rather ghost him. But that also makes me feel like I'm being really mean. So, I I don't know what I'm doing there, but I don't want to hang out again cuz he's going to [ __ ] measure my hands again or start explaining to me how like sometimes you meet people and it feels like you're really in love with them, but you actually like you don't even know them properly. You're put projecting your idea of them onto them. And I was just sitting there like, "This is not what I was talking about." But good to know how you're feeling lately. Like, jeez. So, I I'm not doing that. And I also like I'm I'm doing a good job of befriending the people I want to befriend and the people that I like and that I find interesting and like don't feel any discomfort around, you know? I mean, that's a bit far. I still feel very anxious and a little uncomfortable around anyone that isn't my cat. don't get me wrong, but there's definitely people I'm more comfortable with than the man that made me feel uncomfortable, you know, and I've been like showing up to things and putting the effort in. So, I am getting to a point where like they're people I actually speak to and they're people that are aware of me and it's not just like people that I've like heard in a conversation with someone else and being like, "Oh, they sound really cool." Like, I'm getting to a point of actually forming friendships with people. So, I would much rather be putting my focus onto doing that because it does tire me the [ __ ] out still. I've always had a bit of an expectation that once like I found my people, it would be really easy and nice to socialize and it wouldn't tire me out. And there's a level to which that's true cuz like like yesterday I went to there was like a little like queer coffee morning thing like one of the groups I like go to and follow and [ __ ] It was a meet up. So I went to that and it was at like 1:00 p.m. and I was like I can just do a bit of crochet and chat to the people there and you know I don't have to hang around forever. I don't have to be there. like it's fine. I can just drop in when I fancy. I can leave when I fancy. But I ended up hanging around for the whole thing and then going for a little wander around town with them. And it was lovely. I really enjoyed myself. I had a really nice time. I really like the people I was talking to. I got home and I was like, I'm so [ __ ] tired. Like Jesus [ __ ] Like I'm so tired. I had a shower and then I ordered takeouts. Like it was the idea of trying to decide what to cook and then actually cooking it and figuring out what I had in. Like the whole process of that was just too much for my exhausted little brain. And it like I say like I really thought that there would be the day that like I find my people and socializing gets easier which it has and then I'd stop getting tired so much but that's that side of it has not come. It turns out that even when I find people I like I am in fact still autistic. Who knew? Like I think it's just yeah I befriended that person at a time because it felt very similar to the friendships I was used to. Like you're always just a little bit uncomfortable around other people and sometimes they make you a little bit more uncomfortable and you just deal with it cuz that's how people are. But the other people that I've been hanging out with have not made me feel uncomfortable like that. You know like I still have a bit of like general discomfort of like I don't know how people perceive me. I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't know where to go. I feel a bit awkward. and it's me, you know, [laughter] like it very much they're my emotions.

[00:23:44]That's how I'm feeling in the situation.

[00:23:46]It's a me issue. And then sometimes I now have that comparison to be able to go, this isn't me. Like this is actually the other person making me feel uncomfortable. And maybe they don't mean to. Maybe it's not intentional. I don't really care. I don't think I should have to stay in situations that make me uncomfortable. I've already done quite a lot of that and it's been really, really [ __ ] [ __ ] So, I don't really intend to do it again to be honest. But I also, you know, I think people deserve people to be kind to other. I think you you meant to be nice to people. And I also think that like, you know, my community doesn't have to exu exclusively like have people that are like my favorite people in the world. Like, it's good to experience different types of people and everything. I can do that without it being people that make me uncomfortable.

[00:24:33]I think I hope I just I'm trying quite hard to go with my instincts a bit more often to pay attention to how I feel about things because I think that I have actually quite often in my past been quite right and then I've gas lit myself out of it.

[00:24:49]Other people have gaslit me out of it.

[00:24:51]It's been a whole time and I think actually having a bit more trust in myself and a bit more trusting myself that actually I I quite often do have quite good instincts and I do I I'll do better by following how I feel than by constantly second guessing things and be like, "Oh, well, he did make me uncomfortable, but I don't think he's a horrible person, so I should just have to put up with that, you You know, and it is also like, well, if that makes people uncomfortable, I'm sorry, but why should it always be me that feels the discomfort? Why should it always be me that's uncomfortable?

[00:25:24]Have your [ __ ] go. I I'm so tired of always like trying to be the person that like sucks it up for everyone else. I'm not doing it anymore. And I'm finding people that don't expect me to and that don't make me feel that way. So, I'm just going to [ __ ] go with them and put effort and time into those friendships. And I'm hoping that other ones that I don't want to be involved in just sort of peter out and I don't have to like do a whole discussion or a whole conflict or whatever else because I' i've had quite a lot of people that I befriended just too quickly. And then partway through the friendship, I'd be like, I don't really want to be your friend. Like if I'd known all the stuff that I know now at the start of friendship, I wouldn't have befriended you. And it's fine. Like it's not like major personality flaws. There's nothing wrong with you. I just don't want to be friends. I don't think we're mesh. I don't know. We're the same type of person, but I've already gotten really far into the friendship and it [ __ ] sucks. And then they get really offended cuz why don't you want to be my friend?

[00:26:17]What have I done? And like several of the times they haven't done anything.

[00:26:21]Some of the times they did really shitty things and they should have [ __ ] know. And I did explain it to them, but they weren't taking it in. But, you know, a good amount of times they haven't done anything. I just don't think we're the same type of person. I don't think we get on that well. I don't feel that comfortable. I don't want to be friends. I don't want to be enemies.

[00:26:36]I don't need to be your new biggest [ __ ] villain, but I don't want to hang out. I don't want to be mates. I just I I don't feel good about it. I'm not enjoying it. Stop it. But people don't like that.

[00:26:47]And when I've talked about that before, I've also had people be like, "Well, would you like that?" Yeah, I actually really would. I would actually rather way desperately massively rather people tell me like, "Oh, you seem lovely, but I just I don't really want to be friends. There's nothing to it. There's no like animosity. I just don't want to be friends." Cuz then I can stop putting the effort in. I can stop messaging them. I can stop like having the social situations. I'm like, do they actually want me here? What's going on? Like, all of that questioning would end for me and I would just know they don't want to be friends and I can stop putting that effort in. Like, I would actually much prefer if that was the way that the whole world worked pairing up all my Doctor Who socks. Don't mind me.

[00:27:25]This is the third pair of [ __ ] TARDIS socks that I've had cuz my ex and then my [ __ ] one of my friends that I f with stole my Tardis socks. Like, why are you doing that? That's the coolest thing someone can do to autistic woman.

[00:27:37]I'm sorry, but it is. All of the actual abuse and trauma was one thing. Stealing my Doctor Who socks. Like, okay. Okay.

[00:27:46]All I need to do now is hang things up and put it into the right spots and that. And obviously, Ash, you'll probably know cuz I feel like it's only returning viewers that watch these videos. I do that off camera. I don't know where to put my old socks. They're not actually hard. I know. It's just cuz I haven't like washed the rest of them yet. I still have a little bit of washing to do, but I've done really well, obviously. Like, all this is clean. Thank god. dead cricket at the end here. The GoFundMe to my friends gofund me will be linked down below. One of them so they can get accessible transport so her partner stops getting the piece of the ear injured. One of them so that my pal can get top surgery.

[00:28:19]Having a know that either of them would be really sick.

[00:28:22]Sharing them would be really cool.

[00:28:24]Donating would be really cool. Anything you fancy doing would be absolutely awesome. And I'm also going to link my Patreon down there where you can join me to support me financially if you fancy it. I'm trying to save up because O just does need a heart scan. I am very [ __ ] scared about it and it it's it's a constant source of anxiety because I'm just like, well, I need to get that done. But it's incredibly [ __ ] expensive. I don't really actually understand, but I'll find out from it.

[00:28:48]But I'm sure the vets will let me know when it happens. So, if you wanted to help me out financially, it's going to be going towards that.

[00:28:56]I'm going to shut up now. I'm going to hang my [ __ ] up and try to like tidy my house and have a nice Sunday. So, whoever you are, wherever you are, I have all good morning, evening, day, afternoon, month, and I will see you again in a couple of days.