Sexual Power Dynamics and Leverage Between Men and Women

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]So, a few years ago, my youngest son, his his mom asked me to uh keep him while she did did some things in the city. I'm like, you know, you just drop him off for the weekend. You know what I'm saying? You got to worry about it.

[00:00:10]So, Friday night, she brought him over.

[00:00:13]She went out, she partied and things like that. I didn't plan on her coming back to get him to Sunday morning. But, um, you know, she lives an hour out of the city, so she drove into the city, went dropped them off, partied, did whatever she was doing. That Friday night, she called me after she was partying and [ __ ] maybe about 1 2:00 in the morning and she like, "Hey, you know, um, I'm drunk. I'm about to pull up at your house." I'm like, "No." Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, no, I ain't really, you know, I ain't really on that. She like, "Oh, well, I'm I'm pulling up right now. Matter of fact, I'm like, no, G, like I ain't I ain't really on that." She like, "Oh, well, if I can't stay at your I'm like, why you don't just stay at one of your friends house or whatever the case may be." She like, "Well, if I can't stay at your house, uh, ju just give me my baby. I'm going to just drive home, right?" And I know like I ain't trying to have no scene. [ __ ] drunk. All this [ __ ] I got tenants. You know what I'm saying? I already know what time it is.

[00:01:05]So I'm like, you know what? Let me just get them ready. Go ahead, give them to you, whatever the case may be. And she like, [ __ ] now I'm really drunk. I'm [ __ ] up. So either you fa to make me drive an hour drunk with our kid in the car or you going to let me spend the night, one or the other. I'm like, what the [ __ ] So mind you, I'm dating somebody at the time.

[00:01:23]>> Yeah.

[00:01:23]>> So, and I should have called the police on her ass right there. I probably won't be going to custody court no more. But I'm dating somebody at the time though.

[00:01:30]So I'm like now me and the person I'm dating not exclusive yet, but nobody want to [ __ ] with a [ __ ] who got any weird [ __ ] going on with their baby mom.

[00:01:38]So >> I'm not trying to [ __ ] with this [ __ ] at all. So she >> coming I'm say I say [ __ ] it. You know what I'm saying? Come on. Like >> and she just really use this [ __ ] as leverage. So she come in the crib, >> get ass naked, get in the bed. Um ain't [ __ ] happen with a ain't [ __ ] happen at all. But um just she only at my house for about 5 hours. She wake up u maybe 8:00 in the morning, start getting her [ __ ] ready. Leaves her eyelash her eyelashes under my pillow.

[00:02:06]Goes in the bathroom brushing her hair in the sink, leaving hella [ __ ] loose hair everywhere. So it's like this is a very intentional situation you causing.

[00:02:15]And um it just felt crazy. And then you know she just left whatever. But it just felt crazy because >> I never really been in a position with a where a woman who wasn't either my parent or some higher ranking professional had like leverage over me like that.

[00:02:30]>> You know what I'm saying? To the point where like you in my house, you in my space. I feel like it ain't [ __ ] I could do about it right now. Like cuz my options is either a >> stand on hell no, you can't be here and you cause the scene and do all this extra [ __ ] and I probably got the police outside my building and tenants and [ __ ] at 2:00 in the morning. I live on a quiet block. You know what I'm saying?

[00:02:49]And risk what I got going on as far as the [ __ ] I'm dating or B I gotta just let you take our son and drive an hour home like drunk for real like you know what I'm saying like super drunk.

[00:03:02]So it's just like her being able to leverage that and she did that two times actually. Uh the second time went a little bit different but her being able to leverage that just gave me a a level of discomfort I don't think I've ever felt before. If you lazy, you waking up at [ __ ] 3:00 in the afternoon and [ __ ] like that, >> dropping balls.

[00:03:20]>> You're setting the tone for everybody because you're the leader.

[00:03:24]>> Popping pills.

[00:03:25]>> That's just what comes with being a man.

[00:03:26]>> Popping [ __ ] ass [ __ ] >> I don't want nobody making decisions over my life except me. Not a woman, not a judge, not an officer, not no [ __ ] life.

[00:03:39]When bullets hit like aure jack, >> I don't think nothing can make me a man.

[00:03:52]I don't think nothing can make me not feel like a man.

[00:03:58]>> You can't take the benefits of being a man without the responsibilities.

[00:04:06]>> You know what I'm saying?

[00:04:06]>> Yo, helpless. Yeah, it felt I felt very powerless in the situation and like like violated to an extent. It's just like you just I it's like I couldn't do [ __ ] about it. I really just got in my bed ass naked and like I can't do [ __ ] about it. Like you know what I'm saying?

[00:04:20]>> Um >> and it be it bring me to the thought about like the power dynamics between men and women. And as as wrong as that situation was and as right as I was to feel violated about it, I feel like it was a little bit extra because it was a a woman putting me in this in this situation that I'm not used to being in.

[00:04:41]Like at the end of the day, we do have a level of male privilege to where like we just not typically in situations where women have like real leverage over us over the space that we in and things like that. like at the end of the day like just physically and on a lot of different levels like a woman just not going to have an advantage over you in a in a set space. You know what I'm saying?

[00:05:02]>> Um so I want to go into that. I want to go into the p the power dynamics that exist between men and women and why it is that some double standards exist and why it is that sometimes the the same behavior doesn't have the same impact when it's done by different genders. All right, so uh that's the topic for the day, man. Welcome back to Roses I did.

[00:05:21]I'm your co-host, Terry Rosland.

[00:05:24]>> I'm your co-host Jones.

[00:05:26]>> Real. What up, man?

[00:05:28]>> What's the word?

[00:05:28]>> How's y'all [ __ ] weeks? It's a big day today.

[00:05:32]>> Hell yeah.

[00:05:33]>> It's a big day today. My niece just graduated college today.

[00:05:37]>> Damn.

[00:05:38]>> Yeah, I need graduated college. I feel like I just bought her her TV and and and damn near was out of the spending an hour in the dorm hallway. Damn near came back with some condoms. Like, there's too many [ __ ] running around this [ __ ] with no [ __ ] shirt on. You know, you move your kid in early, it ain't nobody in the dorms but football players, right? Right. No, them [ __ ] be the only ones there because they there, you know, practice and [ __ ] They've been at the school and [ __ ] They've been at their rooms and [ __ ] They run up down the hallway with no shirts on. She like, "What the fuck?"

[00:06:05]>> You know what time it is.

[00:06:07]>> Nah, luckily she moved out there doing no [ __ ] Um, but yeah, like I just dropped her TV off >> for freshman year. Next thing you know, she graduated college today. They said Derek Rose was going to be there to get an honorary doctorate today. Didn't see that [ __ ] But shout out to Dr. Dr. Rose.

[00:06:24]>> Dr. Rose.

[00:06:25]>> I'm be I'mma uh be a therapist out here.

[00:06:27]Give her a advice like the other doctor.

[00:06:29]>> Like the lady.

[00:06:30]>> Yeah, the lady. The old cute lady.

[00:06:32]>> Quote unquote Dr. Bryant. That's her name.

[00:06:34]>> They've been on her ass lately.

[00:06:35]>> They been on her ass.

[00:06:37]>> What's up with y'all though, man?

[00:06:38]>> Man, >> there been a lot going on this week. The Chud the Builder [ __ ] just got an attempt murder charge.

[00:06:44]>> The building [ __ ] >> Chud the Builder. You know what that is?

[00:06:48]I want everybody to Google Google Chud the Builder or search Chud the Builder on Tik Tok and Instagram and report back to the to the Patreon chat. We gonna talk about it.

[00:06:57]>> Chill. And he got an attempt murder charge.

[00:07:00]>> Yeah, we a we ain't got we ain't got to look into it right now. But >> for sure.

[00:07:03]>> If you're in Patreon, search that [ __ ] up. We gonna talk about it cuz that that [ __ ] is wild.

[00:07:10]It's a wild boy.

[00:07:11]>> White boy.

[00:07:12]>> It's a white boy. Yeah. I never heard this [ __ ] but yeah, look more into it.

[00:07:17]But uh back to your story lowkey a little bit. We gonna get into the weeks.

[00:07:22]You were when you was at that crossroad of letting her in the house or letting a scene be caused.

[00:07:33]What I know about you, you're a very understanding, lenient guy.

[00:07:38]>> Yeah.

[00:07:39]>> Very understanding.

[00:07:40]>> Maybe too understanding.

[00:07:41]>> Yeah. Sometimes. sometime some but it's it's one of the things I admire about you because you you force me to have a different perspective on [ __ ] but it be situations like this where I be like see that's why I like that's why I am the way I am you know what I'm saying >> because uh yeah I I I just that was a very you told that story and you painted the picture and I was right there and I'm just like >> I'm mad.

[00:08:05]>> Yeah.

[00:08:06]>> You know what I'm saying? But we got we got >> What would you have done in that situation?

[00:08:09]>> Called the scene would have been called she she wasn't coming in. That [ __ ] >> Police. It's I woke y'all up 2:00 in the morning. I'm sorry, >> but >> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:08:17]>> No, you're not coming in.

[00:08:18]>> Yeah, that [ __ ] was crazy.

[00:08:20]>> But yeah, no. But as far as the week go, week is good. Busy. Um uh a lot of lot of stuff with the app, with the job, positive things. I just did my sixmon review. My manager just picking me up like, "Yeah, great. We gonna give you the max percentage."

[00:08:37]which still I I personally wasn't uh enthused about the max percentage. So I uh it wasn't enough for me.

[00:08:44]>> Um but and I told her that because it was one of the it's like if when you think about department hierarchy is me is the chief and then it's it's her the department manager. And chief he been out I've been there six months. I probably seen him two months. Yeah, he been out. He was there like maybe the first month I was there. He went out for a month and then he came back and he was there for a second month. And in that short time, he taught me all of his responsibilities.

[00:09:15]>> And so, B, I've been doing all that [ __ ] since he was gone. Um, and uh, yeah, I just brought all that up in my in my review. I'm like, we need to, you know, talk about somebody like reclassification as far as um because they got obviously you got rules only so much you can get a raise only so much they can give you whatever. So me but this was like a month ago I started looking in the employee handbook. Yeah.

[00:09:38]>> How can I go past the percentage that they normally give people and I saw in the handbook that you gota >> my manager will have to reclassify my role and add responsibilities to it.

[00:09:50]Yeah. to justify the raise. So, in my review today, was it? Yeah, that was today. Yeah, that was that was today.

[00:09:56]Today or yesterday? Um, in the review, I was telling her all this. I'm like, "Hey, maybe we can um, you know, add the responsibilities that I've been taking over with for the, you know, the chief who been gone. Put me as an assistant down, you know, and list his responsibilities so you could justify giving me more money." It was very positioned respectfully like I would like some more money or I don't know how long I'mma be here and she kind of picked up on that but she was cool with it cuz she was very much in agreeance like no for sure like you should definitely get paid more. You could uh contribute a lot etc. And then on my like sheet a lot of it like damn near half the sheet was uh or the valuation was exceeds expectation outstanding. So she was on my side about it or whatever.

[00:10:40]I I be hating the work evaluations because like don't don't have me in a situation to where like everything I hear on a daily basis is good news >> and then >> and then when I get an evaluation I don't want to see nothing less than exceeding Yeah. on no category cuz y'all never complained about anything I ever done and y'all only been dick riding the whole [ __ ] time. [ __ ] is wrong with you? Speaking of dick riding, you got anything else on that?

[00:11:07]>> That sounds so crazy. No, >> bro. You know what glazing mean, right?

[00:11:12]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:11:13]>> What does glazing mean to you?

[00:11:14]>> Dick riding pretty much.

[00:11:15]>> Glazing means dick riding. Real? Are you in agreeance that glazing mean dick riding?

[00:11:18]>> Yes, sir.

[00:11:19]>> So why the [ __ ] car teacher tell him to stop talking line if he told her she was glazing?

[00:11:23]>> What?

[00:11:24]>> Telling your teacher that she dick riding.

[00:11:28]>> First of all, you first of all, you're using the word and you're using it wrong.

[00:11:32]>> I don't think the kids understand what glazing mean, bro. I think they just heard that [ __ ] on Fortnite. I don't know. I think they get I don't I think that they get >> the context of of it, but I don't think they associate it with dick riding. I think they just associated with I think it's a natural word for them >> like a independent word from dick. I don't know. But if I hope he I'm I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean ass already whooped so I still trying to get >> right cuz that's disrespecting adults.

[00:12:02]>> That's disrespecting adults. That's very disrespectful. That's very disrespectful. Yeah.

[00:12:06]>> Um he he's in the rebellious phase for sure.

[00:12:09]>> Yeah. What is he 11 11 12?

[00:12:11]>> He's 11. And uh I think I got maybe five calls in the last four weeks.

[00:12:15]>> Yeah.

[00:12:16]>> And it's like after the the ass um punishment, all that. No phone, all that. Boom. Boom. Like I said, my only son as for lying, disrespecting adults.

[00:12:27]Anything else you do is a conversation, right? But I do want you to have a emphasis in your mind around those two things. Um, however, and I want I want you to have empises on everything, but it's just some all sins ain't equal. I ain't God. [ __ ] you talking about.

[00:12:43]>> Um, but man, I my plan is just to really really really be consistent. You know what I'm saying? Um, >> and I have conversations with mom and other people. They're like, "Well, that's assuming work." I'm like, "Yet?

[00:12:56]What do you mean like yet? Don't you go to church yet? What you talking about?"

[00:13:00]That's like if if you if you potty training a kid, you're not going to put them on a pot at certain times of the day and and do whatever routine you come up with and it don't work the first day and you be like, "Well, guess you got to put the diapers back on." Like, no, you going to be consistent. Like, you going to get this [ __ ] sooner later. And I think that's why we we [ __ ] up parenting a lot is like assuming that some [ __ ] didn't work cuz it didn't work the first or second time. It's like, >> no, we gonna see. It's a marathon. We gonna see. And this sher for you than me. So, >> that's so great. You know what? It's [ __ ] up. This is reassuring to hear because I thought Trey was just like >> different in the worst way. I'm like, there's no way I whipped your ass on Monday and you go to school Wednesday and do some other [ __ ] that requires a ass whooping.

[00:13:44]>> Yeah.

[00:13:44]>> And it was around that time like dead ass like the I want to say like >> sixth se definitely sixth seventh grade.

[00:13:53]sixth, seventh, and it it started to slow down like the middle towards the end of eighth grade year, but like that was six, seventh grade years.

[00:14:02]>> He was just tweaking.

[00:14:04]>> Yeah. And I I um what I'm seeing a lot from the teaching side of things from my first year teaching, my home room was fifth grade, and all I saw from Jump was they trying to figure out who the alpha male is in every regard. In sports, they always wrestling. They always trying to slam each other. They always joking with each other. They always, you know what I'm saying? The kid who smart, he trying to answer every [ __ ] question. The kid who athletic, he he can't walk past no door frame without jumping up and smacking the top of it. Like, they always trying to show off like all day.

[00:14:37]So, it's like, what's my strength?

[00:14:39]What's going to make me stand out? If I'm not the athletic kid, I'm not the smartest kid, maybe it's going to be me talking back to the teacher, maybe it's going to be me getting this negative attention because I ain't getting a positive attention, whatever the case may be. And I told him like he was like uh the the teacher cuz it's another kid named Carter.

[00:14:54]So one time his mom the teacher called his mom and was like Carter did XYZ at school. Woo woo. She was like bab put him on the phone. So she put the she put Carter on the phone and his my son's mom cussed him the [ __ ] out but it was the wrong kid.

[00:15:12]>> Oh >> it was the other Carter.

[00:15:14]>> Oh damn. So the only way that she found out cuz the kid is like sitting there listening to the [ __ ] crying getting cussed the [ __ ] out, right? The only way she found out is cuz when my son mom get mad at him, she calls him by his full name. She's like Carter Matthews. What?

[00:15:30]She He's like, "Oh, I'm not Carter Matthews, bro." I'm like, "I need to fire this teacher." Gee, this is terrible.

[00:15:39]>> That's crazy.

[00:15:40]>> This is terrible. So, >> first of all, the kid just sitting there, y'all know how your mama sound.

[00:15:44]I'm like, >> he just took he just he probably knew this night. He probably I don't know who the [ __ ] this lady is. She going to [ __ ] off. Let me just shut the [ __ ] up.

[00:15:50]>> Hey, miss. He probably don't want to talk back, >> right? He like this lady sound like she ain't [ __ ] around. So I I uh I'm like, you know, I had the teacher like, "Hey, is this the right Carter that you talking about that said told you stop blazing? Like this the right this Carter Matthew?" She like, "Yes." She he was talking to this kid. And so I asked him and what I'm gaining from it is he's being a follower.

[00:16:12]>> Uhhuh. And that's very scary to me.

[00:16:14]>> It's very scary to me because essentially with my youngest son being an hour away, >> Carter is an only child essentially as far as he goes to the school by himself.

[00:16:22]They both living their life like a only child. You know what I'm saying?

[00:16:26]>> Um they not in the household on a daily basis going to the same school and [ __ ] like that.

[00:16:30]>> When you by yourself in a school, you going to kind of embrace the first, you know, whoever embrace you first is the crowd you going to run with. Yeah. And the following [ __ ] is scary because if you will disregard the fact that your parents don't [ __ ] around, that they going to put you on punishment, that you going to get your ass up if you disrespect one of these teachers and and that's that's just not who you are as a person. You're not even really like that. You going to disregard all of that to impress these [ __ ] That mean, if they tell you to hit the blunt, you going to hit the blunt. They tell you to pop this pill, you going to pop this pill. They tell you to hop in this car, you going to hop in this car, this stolen car, whatever the case may be.

[00:17:04]Like if you trying to impress these [ __ ] now in fifth grade, >> imagine that sophomore year high school what that's going to look like. You get what I'm saying? So it's like we got to break this [ __ ] immediately.

[00:17:14]Immediately. And it's no no fifth grader really knows who they are. Like I ain't going to say none, but it's very rare for a fifth grader to have a strong sense of identity regardless of what home you coming from. Like that's just not something that's developed at that age. And uh but it's something that I'm real serious about working on because I know how this [ __ ] go when you don't have a a big brother to either keep you out of [ __ ] Even if he in his own [ __ ] he keeping you out of his [ __ ] and keeping you out of your [ __ ] You know what I'm saying? And you just by yourself to your own devices. It's tough.

[00:17:46]>> Yeah. And even if you the old if Carter was the older brother, he had a mind frame of setting an example for the younger brother. So that'll keep you in line. But yeah, just to let you know, Trey did the same exact [ __ ] The follower [ __ ] that was super scary. Um, and that's just gonna that's g just just gonna have a you gonna have a lot of conversations with him and basically just reassuring him and building confidence through building confidence in him through conversations that you have with him about you know what I'm saying following about you know what I'm saying >> not being a leader and being okay if let's just say you're not in the in crowd no more or whatever the case may be able to just be cool with being who you are.

[00:18:29]>> I also had to break down to him though.

[00:18:31]I'm like, these other kids that you dealing with, I don't know their consequences, >> and you don't either.

[00:18:39]>> It don't make no sense for you to be playing with this teacher and talking to this kid in class, playing with him back and forth, and the teacher call both parents and he go home, play the game all night, kick it, whatever.

[00:18:51]>> And you going to come home, get your ass whooped, no game, no phone, like no pay attention to who who coming back to school with their phone the next day after y'all both just got in trouble. So you you can't be hanging with [ __ ] and playing with [ __ ] who got different consequences than you, G. It don't make sense. It don't make sense. Like y'all going to sit here do the same [ __ ] He going to get away scot-free and you going to get jammed up every time. Like you got to really figure this out, bro.

[00:19:16]Cuz it ain't working in your favor, G.

[00:19:17]>> Man, and I know they got different consequences. And I'm not like coming at nobody parenting style or nothing like that, but [ __ ] my son phone be in my room at 8:30 every night. punishment or not, >> they be facetiming this [ __ ] at like 1:00 in the morning.

[00:19:32]>> What the [ __ ] >> Like group FaceTime at 1:00 in the morning, [ __ ] At my I just slid to my to uh Carter, I mean to my parents crib to pick Cart up. He like, "Yeah, we fell asleep. Carter's on the game at 4 in the morning talking to all his friends. Why the [ __ ] is they up at 4?" He can't stay up to 4 in the morning. He didn't got away with it at my at his on his grandparents. They didn't fell asleep on some old [ __ ] But it's like that they on this on a regular G. Like >> that part like Trey used to and around fifth grade, sixth grade or whatever, >> they'll be up. Trey used to get mad cuz he got like a 9:00 bedtime. I'm like, [ __ ] that's what you his friends still on the phones 11:00 and I am coming at y'all parenting style because that [ __ ] >> it it's so crazy. Small errors in judgment lead into big failures. a a kid just don't do some reckless [ __ ] and end up in jail, kill somebody, get killed or whatever. It's the upbringing. It's the loose parenting. Yeah. I don't know is it if it's like y'all trying to be y'all uh kids friends, trying to be relatable.

[00:20:35]I don't give a [ __ ] about none of that.

[00:20:37]You going to bed at 9:00, [ __ ] You 11, you 12.

[00:20:39]>> Don't give a [ __ ] >> I don't care.

[00:20:41]>> Don't give a [ __ ] But also that made me think about it's interesting that me and you have that same view. We're obviously in our social circles. So the parents who just super loose like that. I'm pretty sure the parents that they hang out with are also like that.

[00:20:58]>> Yeah.

[00:20:59]>> It's like >> if if that was the case, if I got to call that out, bro, why why why you up?

[00:21:07]What's going on?

[00:21:08]>> That [ __ ] wild. That [ __ ] wild. I was uh one of the one of the shorties had a birthday party and uh Carter was asking can he go to it and he like he was sick though because the birthday party was five it's like an hour away and they ain't tell us till the day before and it was like right after school. So I'm like and it it was like on a school night.

[00:21:27]I'm like that's I think it was maybe it might have been a Friday. Yeah, it was a Friday night. So when when I heard about it I'm assuming that it's Saturday because it's like four o'clock or five o'clock or some [ __ ] The birthday party started like four five o'clock. So I'm like this must be on a Saturday. It's on a Friday though and it's like an hour away from school. So all the kids is getting into that kid father car to go to the birthday party. So I'm like I ain't really [ __ ] with it cuz I don't know the kid or the dad. And I'm like is this one of the kids who came to who be coming and sliding on you and [ __ ] And he was like yeah. So I'm like all right now I really want you to go because he support your [ __ ] You know what I'm saying? So he be coming to your birthday party whatever. So now I feel like damn I gota I got to make not even for car like cuz car I think Carter is fake in trouble at the time anyway. I'm like, I don't even want you to go for you. I want you to go for the kid. You know what I'm saying? I know that [ __ ] probably important to him for his birthday. So, I'm like, >> "All right, cool." But timewise, we just couldn't make it happen. So, I called the dad like, "Hey, if you ain't pl I'm down to let car and go. I just need to know, you know, are y'all coming back to the city or I need to drive out there to get them or and how long y'all gonna be out there to see if I can drive out there, if I if I'll be free at the time when y'all wrapping up?"

[00:22:36]He was like, "Oh, we probably leave from out there around like 11, >> like 11 at night." I mean, it was it was like it's like 3:45 we having this conversation. So, he like, "Yeah, probably like 11:00. We probably get back to the city around like midnight, maybe 1. Then like some to come on my crib for the sleepover after that. They all probably going to come to my crib, just spend the night with I'm like, "Yeah, dog.

[00:23:00]I don't know what the [ __ ] I don't know what the [ __ ] is going on, gang." And I like, you know, more power to you if that that like I hope they had a phenomenal time. Yeah.

[00:23:10]>> You know what I'm saying? He fa he to witness this [ __ ] through FaceTime, gang. Like he going to be there digitally. Y'all going to get hologram Carter in that [ __ ] >> What the [ __ ] >> Hell no. Well, I got one more. It was Trey. Same situation. It was a party, but it was at one of his friends houses or whatever.

[00:23:26]>> Yeah.

[00:23:27]>> So, I'm like the parents going obviously the parents still going to be there. Is the parents gonna be there or is it like a older sibling watching y'all? Like, no, no, the parents gonna be there, the mom and the dad.

[00:23:38]>> I'm like, "All right, cool." So, I pull up and as I pull it up, I'm talking to Trey in the car. You know, they giving him the rundown. I see other parents pull up, drop their kid off, boom, kid run the house, parent drive off, parent drive off. I'm like, I'm coming in, >> right?

[00:23:56]>> I'm coming in. So, I I want Nobody I don't know if they met the parent already. Yeah, >> I ain't meet the parent. So, I'm like, I want to come. Hey, how y'all doing? Uh, it was a um it was a Hispanic uh couple or whatnot. So, I'm just talking to that. I'm like, ah, no. I'mma just chill out for a minute. Oh, okay. Cool. So, that we we in their kitchen or whatnot.

[00:24:17]All the kids in the basement. And I was the only parent there.

[00:24:21]>> Yeah.

[00:24:21]>> And all the kids downstairs running around. Cool. It seemed like a normal birthday party. Cool.

[00:24:24]>> Right.

[00:24:25]>> But I I I'm like, I'm going to just stay here.

[00:24:27]>> Yeah.

[00:24:27]>> It's time to leave. And they like, "Yeah, uh, Trey come upstairs like, "Can I spend a night?" [ __ ] no.

[00:24:33]>> Right.

[00:24:34]>> No. I hear the the kids calling their parents, "Can I It don't sound like it was planned." It was like, "Fuck it.

[00:24:40]Let's spend the night. Let's [ __ ] you know, party over. Let's spend night. Can I spend a night?" Yeah, cool. Parents probably out doing whatever the [ __ ] they want to do. It was the weekend.

[00:24:47]>> I'm like, "No, we could stay for another hour." Yeah.

[00:24:50]>> Like, I think, "All right, cool. It's like what, 9:00?

[00:24:53]>> We can stay till 10:00 and then we we leaving."

[00:24:56]>> Yeah.

[00:24:57]>> But that was probably like two years.

[00:24:59]That was probably like seventh grade or some [ __ ] >> Yeah.

[00:25:02]>> And this is a co-ed birthday party.

[00:25:04]>> Yes.

[00:25:05]>> Yes. You know, I already know what was going on in that basement.

[00:25:09]>> A lot a lot of [ __ ] a party.

[00:25:13]>> Absolutely not. We gone, brother.

[00:25:15]>> It was never never land in that [ __ ] man.

[00:25:17]>> Man, parents, y'all got to do better, man. Y'all too loose on these little [ __ ] That's why they in [ __ ] hide park walking on cars.

[00:25:23]>> It's sad, man. It's sad. It's sad.

[00:25:26]>> All right, man. Enough of the parenting.

[00:25:28]Um, y'all know what the [ __ ] time it is, man. We a month away from this from this from this cookout >> indubably.

[00:25:35]>> But we going to turn the cookout into a field day. We going to take it up a notch.

[00:25:39]>> We We was First we was just talking cookout. Now we talking we talking we talking kickball. We talking tugof-war.

[00:25:46]You know what I'm saying? Maybe >> Giant Connect Four.

[00:25:48]>> Giant Connect Four. Maybe a little giant Jenga. Little big sorry board. You know what I'm saying? You ain't never You never seen a giant Sorry.

[00:25:55]>> Hell no.

[00:25:56]>> Not sorry. What's the [ __ ] called?

[00:25:57]Twister.

[00:25:58]>> Twister. Yeah.

[00:25:59]>> Nah, I've seen that [ __ ] on TV.

[00:26:01]>> Big Twister. Yeah. Yeah. A little uh you know what? What else is the little the little sack racing? You know, >> little sack racing.

[00:26:09]>> Damn. You should have got them giant bowling balls and bowling pins. Them lifetime bowling pants, >> you know. So, man, uh June 27th, you know, cookout field day. It's going to be a great time, man. We need y'all to come out and just have fun. Just vibe.

[00:26:26]just get get that old school, you know, peaceful summer vibe. Free food, drinks, >> all of that. You know what I'm saying?

[00:26:35]Ladies coming looking good, glowing in the in in the sun.

[00:26:41]>> Get your skin care routine on point. You got a little time.

[00:26:43]>> Sunscreen, man.

[00:26:45]>> Yeah.

[00:26:45]>> Get that. Put that sunscreen on. Don't put no Velina baby on trying to be shiny. You going to be [ __ ] hot as hell.

[00:26:50]>> I'm doing arm day every day. Getting ready to put this tank top on for y'all.

[00:26:53]>> That's actually funny. I've been uh working out only arms. I've only >> arms and cardio.

[00:26:59]>> Arms.

[00:26:59]>> Arms, cardio. That's the only thing I've been doing.

[00:27:03]>> I ain't lied to weight. I don't even know if I could. Well, I could We just went We just went to the gym. That was the first time I lifted anything remotely heavy. Uh at when we did the boxing gym at the Village.

[00:27:12]>> Oh, okay. But >> Okay. Okay.

[00:27:14]>> And that [ __ ] was heavy.

[00:27:16]>> Yeah, them them steel weights. I I felt like a man lifting that [ __ ] I mean, it was different.

[00:27:21]>> For sure. For sure. All right, man. Uh to the topic to the topic man the power dynamics that exist between men and women right the same behavior doesn't always have the same impact it's something that we understand it's something that we know um you told a story many moons ago and and a few times you told a story about um what happened in Detroit >> with this older lady giving you some top when you was like Carter age yeah >> young man you know what I'm saying >> clear clear nut age >> I wasn't even a none yet she was just going forever she was just All right, I'm done.

[00:27:54]>> Getting some top for grown. This woman was probably in her 30s.

[00:27:57]>> She was 30.

[00:27:58]>> No jail, no police. She probably run around still somewhere to this day, right?

[00:28:03]>> She You know what she remind me of?

[00:28:05]>> What?

[00:28:06]>> The uh the the the two ladies off Antoine Fisher.

[00:28:10]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:28:11]>> [ __ ] up.

[00:28:12]>> Yeah. So, and you don't even really even when you hear about young men um having sex with older women, like underage men having sex with older women, you don't even really hear the word pedophile be used.

[00:28:24]>> Yeah. Or rape.

[00:28:25]>> Or rape. You know what I'm saying? You might if you might hear statuto rape, you might hear like she nasty. She Why would she mess with that little boy? You don't really hear the word pedophile though. Like I I don't really hear that real. Am I Am I right? Do you hear the word pedophile when when when that's the situation?

[00:28:40]>> Yeah. No.

[00:28:41]>> Yeah. So again, it's but we talk about socialization a lot. That's kind of the socialization of it is men are are socialized and even women are socialized to view men and boys even as hypersexual anyway. So it's just assumption that you're going to enjoy whatever is coming your way sexually regardless of the fact. And it allows women to be more aggressive at times when they want to and then not really be any type of recourse even if that that that assertiveness is unwanted. Um versus when men do it, it is seen as more serious, right?

[00:29:19]>> But why, right? We got to talk about the power dynamic of why. I feel like the reason is because because men have this physical dominance over women. There's not as much of a threat, right? Because there always there's not it's not viewed as much as much of a threat when a woman is trying to be assertive towards a man sexually because there's this thought that she probably can't rape this guy.

[00:29:45]She probably can't force herself on this person unless he allows it. like he has the option to stop her in her tracks if that's what he chooses to do >> versus when it's the other way around.

[00:29:54]>> Um, a man can overpower a woman. So, because of those physical differences, and I'm not saying that one is more right than the other at all. Like, they're both equally wrong, should be equal accountability. I just think that they're viewed different because of that physical dynamic. It makes men not take it as serious. So, if you don't see yourself as a victim, it's going to be hard for other people, for the world, for the police, for anybody to view you as a victim and carry out justice in that way if you don't see it as that serious yourself.

[00:30:21]>> Yeah.

[00:30:22]>> You know what I'm saying? Like, if a [ __ ] break in my crib and I'm just like on some like it want [ __ ] down there for real, the police not going to like go investigating me trying to catch this [ __ ] Like, I'm not taking it that serious. Ain't nobody gonna take it that serious. You get what I'm saying?

[00:30:34]>> Yeah.

[00:30:36]Yeah.

[00:30:40]As you was just saying that, I'm thinking about when um I like when I was in that situation.

[00:30:47]I'm at the time I'm 12. You know what I'm saying?

[00:30:50]>> But it was still reversed. Honestly, she did have the physical power over me.

[00:30:55]>> But at the same time, it's like why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I stop it or whatever?

[00:30:59]>> Because of how we were grew up and because of who put me in that situation, had a a greater influence over me.

[00:31:07]>> And it wasn't a negative one. It was like a I looked up to the person who put me in that situation.

[00:31:12]>> Yeah.

[00:31:12]>> So, >> my mind frame was this is all okay.

[00:31:16]>> Yeah.

[00:31:17]>> Internally, it felt weird obviously as a 12-year-old and this grown ass lady, but like with the the level of influence that he had, I'm like I it's it's crazy.

[00:31:27]I felt safe even though I was not safe at all.

[00:31:30]>> Yeah. It was a very weird um situation to be in because think but I didn't I didn't see it that way at the time.

[00:31:38]Looking back on it, it's like I that was a I would never want my son to be in that situation, but I felt safe and weird at the same time for the wrong reasons.

[00:31:47]>> Yeah.

[00:31:47]>> So that that uh sometimes the dynamic can shift with um >> like the physical dynamic >> the physical dynamic and it could be other dynamics like like influence >> and like uh a teacher student dynamic, right? It could be the woman is a teacher, the kid is a student. Um, the woman is a >> authority figure.

[00:32:06]>> Authority figure, a CO and you a [ __ ] inmate to somebody. This [ __ ] sound like role play to somebody. It could be a therapist and a client, right? Which is a very dangerous dynamic because of the um just the the the trust and the connection and things like that. and kind of like the mental advantage that a therapist will have over their client because of how vulnerable a client could be with a therapist. And that's why it's like a very very serious thing. You know what I'm saying?

[00:32:34]>> Especially with the with the knowledge that a therapist has. Exactly. And cuz a therapist if they wanted to be, they could be extremely manipulative.

[00:32:43]>> Yeah.

[00:32:44]>> And they word play and [ __ ] this is what it could get ugly.

[00:32:49]>> Did I tell you about that that it's a therapist who uh who pulled that before?

[00:32:53]Not with me, but with two women I know.

[00:32:55]Can I tell you that story?

[00:32:56]>> I don't think so.

[00:32:57]>> I was uh I was talking to a chick and uh we we we it did it wasn't working, right? It wasn't working and I was cool with it not working because she thought I was a [ __ ] lame and and she was just shocked that it wasn't that right.

[00:33:13]Um so she was playing around talking to different [ __ ] kind of trying to spin me or whatever. I find out I'm just like, "Okay, cool. we keep talking and I started doing me and she was just like oh my god I can't believe her chest was hurting so now she want to go like to therapy like we don't even a relationship for real like why why would we go to therapy and she was like I got some stuff I want to work on I was like I but at the time I was preaching therapy I was already in therapy for myself and I was preaching therapy heavy to everybody I knew because of the the progress that I was making. So, uh, she was like, "Oh, we should do like a couple's therapy." And I'm just like, "I guess." Like, >> "Wow, we gotta be a couple.

[00:33:47]>> We not even a couple." But, I mean, I liked it and [ __ ] And, you know, um, >> when the situation happened, I felt a lot of guilt. You know, I'm a people pleaser.

[00:33:56]>> So, I felt a lot of guilt because she she walked in on me like um, nailing this girl. You remember the situation? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:34:06]>> So, she walked in on me uh, dealing with this girl. Um, and it wasn't like no super wild [ __ ] It was like she tried to finesse a situation and it it backfired and she walked in and it is what it is. It happened. So that's when she wanted the therapy for it. She was like, "I feel [ __ ] up. I ain't never been in no situation like that. I'm over here like, "All right, man. [ __ ] it.

[00:34:25]Let's go ahead go to therapy and shit."

[00:34:27]So we get this male therapist and um we hire these sessions and from the first session, he just like, "Man, y'all really ain't got no skin in the game like that to be going through all these issues. like this really don't make sense. I'm like, "Nigga, you right.

[00:34:40]Like, I'm with you." Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a thousand% with you. And um off top he was like, "All right, I'mma have separate sessions with y'all." You know what I'm saying? I'mma have a session with you, Terry. Shorty, I'mma have a session with you. So, at my session, he's kind of like, it seems like he's damn near leading me, guiding me, trying to convince me to stop talking to shorty.

[00:35:03]>> I'm already there. you don't it don't take much convincing like for me like I wasn't and it's not like I was I was still enjoying our situation our dayto-day like we was cool we was funny we had great sex all these things so I was cool with what it was I had no thought of it being further than what it was yeah >> so when he's saying like you should end it I'm just like cool whatever like I don't kind of don't want to be the bad guy if she ended I don't really give a [ __ ] >> he telling her the same [ __ ] right so of course we talk about the [ __ ] and of course he telling you know telling me like, you know, you don't really got to talk to her about our session or whatever and telling her the same thing.

[00:35:38]So, we we soon as we get off the phone with the [ __ ] we chopping it up like what the she like, yeah, like this [ __ ] don't want me to [ __ ] with you.

[00:35:46]Didn't think that much about it, bro.

[00:35:47]The the therapist is a guy who's like um I mean, I guess I thought he was a lame.

[00:35:53]I guess I thought he was a lame. So, he like a guy who just I would never see her. I just didn't view him as any level of a threat in any type of way >> or he just didn't seem like a guy who would do no weird [ __ ] So >> I stopped dealing with her, you know, as far as like in a consistent capacity.

[00:36:13]Yeah.

[00:36:13]>> But we still was cool and would talk and [ __ ] around here and there.

[00:36:17]>> He I stopped when I stopped dealing with her, I stopped seeing him for therapy altogether.

[00:36:22]He goes on to continue to have sessions with her. And then one night she's out for her birthday by herself drinking at a bar and he calls her at midnight and he own that. He straight get on there with her.

[00:36:40]Like >> wow.

[00:36:40]>> But he she was even saying in the sessions before she was like when he was telling her that she didn't have to deal with me, it'll always be like you're so beautiful and successful. like there's, you know, you don't really have to like really be in a situation if you really don't want to. Woo. And she was like, the [ __ ] kind of always like I don't is that norm. She was asking me is that normal for a therapist to say that. I'm like I I just wasn't I wasn't there like I wasn't really there.

[00:37:05]>> I didn't see him as a >> and probably cuz I wasn't that into our situation either. So it wasn't no jealousy or nothing like that. So I'm kind of just like I mean maybe the [ __ ] just like you know trying to make you feel better. I don't know. I don't know what the [ __ ] I was thinking. But I didn't she she seemed more she seemed alarmed and I wasn't really doing anything to like raise the red flag higher. I was just like I don't know. So when that happened, she hit me up. She told me about it. She was like, "This [ __ ] wild as hell. Woo woo. He really was on that. He really tried to I should report this [ __ ] Woo woo."

[00:37:35]All right, cool. Um, then the [ __ ] oh, in the meantime, while that [ __ ] was going on, before that [ __ ] went bad, I have a friend, a close friend of mine, a woman who hit me up and was asking me about a therapist. And she's like, I want a male therapist. I was like, well, I just connected with one. I give you his information, but this is a brand new situation. I can't say whether he's good, whether he's bad, but this is information. So, she was working with him.

[00:38:03]>> You Oh, so she was working with him. So, as she's working with him, um, but she didn't tell me off top that she was working with him, right? She just started her sessions and [ __ ] like that, but I didn't know. I just sent her the information. She took it upon herself and started working with him.

[00:38:18]Didn't tell me she was actually working with him. So, it's not even on my mind.

[00:38:20]Like, after everything unfold in in our situation, that [ __ ] not really on my mind. But she ends up telling me, she ends up hitting me up like, "Hey, you know that that therapist you talking about?" I'm like, "Yeah, that [ __ ] [ __ ] up. Oh, don't like now that you tell me like don't [ __ ] with that [ __ ] He [ __ ] up. She like what you mean?

[00:38:37]And I get to tell her about it and she like wow. And I'm like what what's going on? She was like well I've been having sessions with him and he seemed cool. He seem like a nice guy. I think we going to go out on a date. And I'm like oh this [ __ ] is white.

[00:38:51]>> We need his license on the on the desk by the morning.

[00:38:54]>> I'm my mama. My mama. So and I ain't going I I ain't going to go into like the the legalities and the things that happened after that.

[00:39:02]Um, yeah, that's a power dynamic that >> that that that's real >> is it's way it goes past physical uh intimidation.

[00:39:12]>> You talk about predatory >> that is extremely predatory.

[00:39:15]>> That's extremely predatory. you know this person is confiding in you and you know that >> just in the door >> I feel like anybody when you go to a a therapist most people me when I my my I only had two therapists my first one and the second one I instantly just even though I never talked to these people before because you are a licensed therapist you know the whole setting or whatever the case may be I instantly felt safe >> I instantly felt like this is a safe face. And I feel like most people walk into therapy with that even if you don't necessarily share like everything in the door. You ain't got time to share everything in the door. It's only 50 minutes. But it's a sense of safety because uh of the of the setting and just what like what you there for. Yeah.

[00:40:02]>> So to you to weaponize that >> Yeah.

[00:40:06]>> Yeah.

[00:40:07]>> Yeah.

[00:40:09]>> It's tough, >> man. Oh, and another thing with with men as far as like the the physical thing.

[00:40:14]Um, it's like when perfect example, [ __ ] Terry Cruz.

[00:40:21]>> He swallow [ __ ] right? Terry Cruz, like you know, y'all know Terry Cruz. uh one of the things that he said like how could you let that man overpower you and this type of thing and all of that like and that was man in man but in that situation with Terry Cruz it was still he was still worried about that authority figure that that hierarchy like who that person was what that person could do not physically but to your livelihood to your career yeah >> and all that type of [ __ ] and um even with >> if it's man and woman like how did you let that woman take advantage of you? It could be and I've heard of stories like the woman will say it's some wild [ __ ] like a woman will be like either have sex with me or I'm going to say you raped me >> or I'm going to say you did this. I'm going to say you did that >> and just you already know you don't need no proof. A woman don't need no proof.

[00:41:14]They go to the police and say yeah he did this to me. You cooked. So >> damn, >> in a in in that type of situation, >> you end up and similar to yours, like you felt like helpless, >> but like in his situation, >> it's like, damn, I don't want to have sex with this girl, but I also don't want to go to jail. I don't want to get a [ __ ] domestic charge or rape charge or whatever the case may be. And you start negotiating your uh comfortability. You start negotiating your safety. It's like, >> I could just All right, I'm going to just [ __ ] this [ __ ] whatever.

[00:41:46]That's better than [ __ ] going to jail. But a sense of you, a piece of you still was taken away.

[00:41:52]>> Yeah. I don't even know. Yeah. Cuz my dick ain't even getting hard in that situation. I ain't going to lie to you.

[00:41:58]>> I'm too like mental like Yeah. I'll be too much in my head. But >> that's um situations is is is tough. I think um even you when I watch Abid Elementary for the first time and um you know the [ __ ] from Everybody Hates Chris is on there.

[00:42:14]>> And speaking of Terry Cruz >> um he's like a piece of [ __ ] meat. You ever seen elementary?

[00:42:21]>> Yes.

[00:42:22]>> He's like a piece of It's really like that though. Like when I was a teacher it was really like that. Like and sometimes it'll be administrator. It's never been like a principal but it be administrators sometimes. Sometimes it's just other teachers who are like teaching coaches. They just have uh maybe not they're not above you in any way, but they have seniority like they've been there for a while. They got influence and things like that.

[00:42:44]>> And uh they really can make the space uncomfortable whether they just I mean for me it was just like these women are older. I'm not really on that type of [ __ ] Um they might be married, whatever the case may be, but there's this constant flirtation, constant nonstop.

[00:42:59]Every time I walk down the hallway, it's a compliment. It's this, is that, and it's just like, gee, I'm not on that with y'all. I don't want to offend y'all because I know how social school communities can be and how you having a problem with me could mean a lot of people have a problem with me.

[00:43:17]You know what I'm saying? Um, so yeah, I've been in that situation before. It's never got to the point of like somebody actually trying to do that. But even that's enough.

[00:43:26]>> Yeah. Even just the social circles of like I'm in the car after the [ __ ] um the [ __ ] work meeting and we supposed to be going from point A to point B and y'all trying to get me to hit a [ __ ] blunt like a teenager. Like I'm like what the [ __ ] Like no [ __ ] I don't want to smoke. Like what's wrong with you? Like now it's like I'm the one that's like, "Oh, this [ __ ] might tell.

[00:43:44]We got to we got to chill on him. Like we got to chill on Matthews. Like he might be on some other shit." It's just like >> what the [ __ ] is happening right now?

[00:43:51]Like >> Yeah. and you you try to in work I'm pretty sure it's it's different like in that teacher environment I'm sure but similar things happen in other you know um work spaces and you try to avoid >> getting close to co-workers you try to just go to you try to be cordial uh speak do your job etc but when people try to pull you hey let's all go do this let's all go do that and you witness some [ __ ] or you they you see a side of your co-workers that >> it's like oh like what the [ __ ] You know what I'm saying?

[00:44:24]>> And people who've been there for a while and you've been in that culture, maybe you need that to um quote unquote survive your environment. You know what I'm saying? Maybe you need that getaway to I don't know. But that that that [ __ ] is real.

[00:44:37]>> For sure. For sure. I talked about in Patreon uh the other day about how these girls, this is 09, Mr. Ricky, Mr. Ricky's in secrets. You know, you know, real you in Mr. Ricky's and Secrets.

[00:44:53]you. He was a part of the problem.

[00:44:55]>> A part of the [ __ ] problem.

[00:44:57]>> Was scared to leave.

[00:44:58]>> Yeah, [ __ ] A part of the [ __ ] problem.

[00:45:01]>> Always outside them [ __ ] >> That's insane.

[00:45:03]>> He the reason all that [ __ ] yellow tape was up.

[00:45:06]>> [ __ ] couldn't get out the parking lot.

[00:45:09]>> But anyway, I'm This is the Mr. Mr. Ricky's and Secrets era. It's live. It's lit. Teenage club pretty much 18 and up.

[00:45:19]This is our first experience with It's crazy.

[00:45:21]>> Oh my god. So fun.

[00:45:23]>> It's these two chicks.

[00:45:25]>> Beautiful women, beautiful young ladies at the time.

[00:45:29]>> Used to walk around grabbing [ __ ] dicks. Do you remember them?

[00:45:34]>> I don't remember one of them name.

[00:45:36]>> It's these two girls walk around grab [ __ ] dick. Grab my dick. Grab my dick a few a few times. Yeah. And as a grower, I was blue.

[00:45:43]>> Damn.

[00:45:44]But anyway.

[00:45:46]>> Yeah.

[00:45:46]>> There you come grab a [ __ ] dick. the air blue moon and they smile and walk off. They used to do this to [ __ ] just to whoever they thought was cute or attractive, they come past, grab your dick, smile and keep it moving.

[00:45:58]No security call, >> no police car, none of that. They just do what they do. You know what I'm saying? There's times leaving Mr. Ricky's, leaving secrets where you trying to get out the parking lot, it's girls jumping in front of your car to shake ass. Yeah.

[00:46:10]>> They might show you some titties.

[00:46:12]>> You know what I'm saying? Doing all of that.

[00:46:14]>> It's a wild time.

[00:46:15]>> No big deal, right? We lit. We enjoy like, damn, I got my grab. I got some titties on my the titties on the hood of the car.

[00:46:22]>> Got some jukes.

[00:46:23]>> Got some jukes. All that, right? You flip that scenario. You get a man walk to the club on some Donald Trump, >> grab her by the coochie, you feel me?

[00:46:33]>> Oh man.

[00:46:34]>> You get a man be out there.

[00:46:36]>> You get a man helicoptering his dick in front of a girl cop while she trying to leave. It's going to be a problem.

[00:46:44]>> It's going to be a problem.

[00:46:44]>> Major problem. That [ __ ] going to jail.

[00:46:46]>> That [ __ ] would be on the news.

[00:46:49]>> Like [ __ ] going to jail.

[00:46:50]>> People would be looking for you.

[00:46:51]Secrets, party secrets in in in South Chicago suburb. It was a man on the loose sexually assaulting women in the party, grabbing vaginas.

[00:47:01]>> All on the camera, you [ __ ] bur.

[00:47:03]>> Oh my god, that'd be a huge deal. Right.

[00:47:06]So when that in that scenario, it's like it's not treated the same, right? And and again, the reason why it's not treated as the same is because the threat is not the same. And it's not to say that women should be allowed to violate men in any way, cuz they shouldn't. They should be held accountable for violating men.

[00:47:24]However, when they grab my dick, I never it never crossed my mind that they might follow me in the bathroom and overpower me and take advantage of me.

[00:47:34]>> Yeah.

[00:47:35]>> Or like when they was shaking ass in front of my car, it never crossed my mind they gonna jump in the car and rape me or snatch me out the car. Right.

[00:47:41]>> Right.

[00:47:43]But in the flip situation, that is the fear >> because it happens. You know what I'm saying? Like it happens and and that's why these things are treated differently. So I say that to say that like you know when it comes to these power dynamics, they we have to have more nuance conversations on the internet because all of the conversations are so surface level to where you bring up anything that men need to be accountable for and it's straight where the women do it too.

[00:48:09]But look at them. Look at how women contribute to this problem. Look at women this. Look at women that. And the thing is like we have to talk about the power dynamic and how even though the same action, the same behavior can happen, the impact is different because of the history of male privilege, domination, oppression, all of these things.

[00:48:30]>> Unknowingly, I think I just contributed to the problem.

[00:48:34]>> Why am I laughing at it?

[00:48:35]>> Yes.

[00:48:35]>> Yeah. I was thinking that while we was laughing, but it was funny though.

[00:48:39]But look, but as you as you continue to explain, I can see how somebody seeing me laughing at it. And then I said cuz when you as soon as you said uh Mr. Ricky's in secret, I was like, "Ah, good times." But you know, >> good times, >> right? Not that he was getting his [ __ ] people was getting dick grabbed, but by me laughing at it and that's the equivalent of Yeah. He broke in work [ __ ] down there though.

[00:49:04]>> Yeah. Yeah, >> it's it's on us too to take it more seriously.

[00:49:10]>> Yeah.

[00:49:10]>> Yeah. You made light of the situation.

[00:49:11]>> I made light of the situation.

[00:49:13]>> And it's tough not to because in that when it happens, that's how you actually feel. You actually don't give a [ __ ] that this girl just grabbed your dick.

[00:49:19]Like it's not a big deal.

[00:49:20]>> It's the same thing when I was a shorty.

[00:49:22]I didn't know. I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ] it."

[00:49:24]It's it's a it's a >> it's a social social norm that needs to be broken. But that that takes time.

[00:49:32]It's hard. is to see that in a different light and move accordingly and speak on it properly when the entire our entire childhood that wasn't the case is is it's going to take some time to shift that narrative.

[00:49:48]I think the the thing is somebody somebody might look at that and say like, "Well, what's why change it?"

[00:49:53]Like, if y'all if the girls doing that and y'all genuinely don't give a [ __ ] why change it if y'all really don't care? Versus like women care, so y'all should stop because that's our boundary.

[00:50:04]But if y'all don't have that boundary, then why change it? I think that the reason to change it, even though men genuinely don't give a [ __ ] about it, is because a woman doing that to a man >> can make a man feel like it's okay to do that to a woman. Yep. What's right is right and what's wrong is wrong.

[00:50:20]>> You get what I'm saying? Can't blow the line.

[00:50:21]>> It's some [ __ ] who feel like cuz like for me it was like I knew I couldn't do no [ __ ] like that. Like [ __ ] from childhood in the house, Catholic school, like it ain't never been no environment where that [ __ ] was okay. Like you know what I'm saying? Like I ain't never been around nowhere where that [ __ ] was cool.

[00:50:38]So me doing that to a woman all like it's nothing a woman could do to make me feel like that's okay to do. But [ __ ] woman doing women doing that to guys, it did seem okay.

[00:50:48]>> Mhm.

[00:50:49]>> However, I would never return that favor or I would never turn and do those actions because I was raised. But some [ __ ] might feel like, "Oh, damn. Well, [ __ ] If y going around grabbing dicks, I'm going to go grab some ass. I'm going to go grab some pussy." Like, you get what I'm saying? And that's I think that's But I those young ladies might not have been thinking that deeply into I mean, he was 18, but those young ladies might not have been thinking that deeply. I know they wasn't because >> how we were responding.

[00:51:16]>> Yeah.

[00:51:16]>> Imagine I'm pretty every dick they grabbed >> the [ __ ] probably was surprised. Oh, and turn and see and probably smile like y'all's crazy versus >> a [ __ ] do that to a girl, she going the [ __ ] off. It's like a huge reaction.

[00:51:30]What the [ __ ] is wrong with you? Like if a [ __ ] act like if we act like that like, yo, what the [ __ ] is your problem, G? And and you took it serious like that, it'll reinforce like, oh, this is not okay.

[00:51:42]>> Yeah.

[00:51:42]>> If all men act cuz all women going to act like that.

[00:51:44]>> Well, they going to tell you gay.

[00:51:46]>> Yeah. They going to tell you gay for sure. For sure.

[00:51:48]>> I remember you talking about um power dynamics, >> right? Because I think I think another thing is that like men a lot of guys hear conversations we have on the internet especially some of the [ __ ] I've been talking about recently and they just assume that like I'm just like against [ __ ] because I talk about the [ __ ] side of [ __ ] and it's not the case. Like I'm very aware of a lot of [ __ ] up [ __ ] that women do.

[00:52:12]>> That just ain't what I'm I just don't feel like that's the that's the I don't think focusing on that is what's going to make us progress. I think focusing on what men do and what we can improve on is going to get us where we need to be.

[00:52:24]>> Yeah. Cuz once you improve yourself, they can't do the [ __ ] >> Exactly. So, um Oh, I remember like in college, for example, women would uh like if a guy didn't want to [ __ ] a chick and they be like, "Oh, this [ __ ] scared of [ __ ] or gay."

[00:52:41]>> Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, men don't get to say no.

[00:52:44]>> Yeah.

[00:52:45]>> Like, >> you know what I'm saying? Like, [ __ ] don't get to say no. Uh, [ __ ] I'm in a relationship. And I remember >> one day I just was just not in the mood for that [ __ ] Yeah. Or whatever. Now, she didn't Wow. She She just She didn't see it for what it was. She wanted to figure out like like >> she thought it was deeper than what it was. What's like that was a perfect example of like men can't say no. I'm just don't want to right now.

[00:53:11]>> Yeah. Yeah. And again, socialization of a man is supposed to be hypersexual.

[00:53:14]There's no way you're supposed to ever turn down some [ __ ] >> Yeah.

[00:53:17]>> Right. So, I remember I'm talking about I remember this one situation where [ __ ] I'm in front of the [ __ ] dorms, the towers. There's hell of people outside. We just outside chilling and this girl come out just going crazy on this [ __ ] like this [ __ ] scared of [ __ ] He ain't want to [ __ ] And I'm just like, why are you exposing the fact that y'all was just up there to do whatever y'all was going to do? He ain't want to do it. And he just was saying like her [ __ ] stank, bro. I ain't going to lie. Like, you know how that [ __ ] you know when you short these [ __ ] used to >> just be bold blood.

[00:53:45]>> Yeah. Like whatever the case may be. But it's like, "Oh, this [ __ ] scared pussy." So, it's just like that that thing of like, you know, [ __ ] don't really get even even just changing your mind about dating somebody. You have to be like a [ __ ] right? Like, you dating a chick.

[00:53:59]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:54:00]>> Y'all y'all it's going how it's going.

[00:54:03]You might be liking a situation.

[00:54:05]>> You just change your mind.

[00:54:06]>> Y'all had sex.

[00:54:08]>> You might have just hated the sex. You might have just feel like we just not sexually compatible. you might have felt like um maybe I already wasn't feeling it and the sex was like the straw that broke the camel back whatever the case may be. In her mind and her friend's mind, you just used her for some [ __ ] and that's it. That's the end of the story. You just [ __ ] like >> Yeah.

[00:54:25]>> And it's like she she she felt like I did all of this just to [ __ ] >> Yeah.

[00:54:31]>> And um >> No, it it like I promise you I don't have to do all of this to [ __ ] Especially when >> it was I was messing with females that was a little bit more attractive than you. I genuinely liked you.

[00:54:44]>> Can't wait to clip this.

[00:54:47]>> Know what they did to me last time I said some [ __ ] like that.

[00:54:50]>> P I'm like I ain't trying to get did like >> that bull that bulldog face [ __ ] can't wait till this [ __ ] drop.

[00:54:56]But no man, I just uh I'm like no I just I really liked you but no I don't. No I don't. Um, so yeah, man. I think the just overall again overarching theme is that power dynamics and nuance have to be a part of these conversations. Um, and they can't only be a part of the conversation when it's convenient for men because that's that's what I'm seeing the most. I'm seeing that when it comes to the body count conversation, men is like, "Oh no, we can have a high body count because we different." When it comes to dating expectations, what's to be brought to the table, it's like, "Oh, no, we different." when it comes to all these different things about dating and men are are we supposed to lead. We supposed to set the standard. That's our job.

[00:55:40]Y'all supposed to be a helpmate. Y'all supposed to do this, do that. But as soon as it's time to take accountability for something, it's like, "Oh, look at what the women doing."

[00:55:47]>> Well, it's time to deflect to to them.

[00:55:50]We want to So, it's like I feel like a lot of times men only see women as equal when it's time to share blame, when it's time to deflect blame. Now we equal, now we partners. When it's time to pay bills, now we equal, now we partners.

[00:56:00]But any other time, >> I'm the man. I set the standard at the end of the day. So, a lot of these guys that I'm seeing right now, it it's just like, bro, who's setting the standard at the end of the day? Is it us or is it them? You know what I'm saying?

[00:56:12]>> Us all day.

[00:56:14]>> That's how it's supposed to be. I don't know if it's actually going like that.

[00:56:17]And in >> I think a lot of men now are uh they're reactive when it come to women >> and it's like a lot of the red pill advice and all this and that. If you set a standard for yourself, >> everybody else will fall in line with that standard as long as you don't deviate from what you said you about, what you said you will accept what you going for, what you're not going for. Uh yeah, you ain't got to like and you if you have this standard and a woman does something to whereas now you change it and whether that was good or bad, now who's the leader?

[00:56:55]>> Yeah.

[00:56:55]>> She just influenced your she just changed your mind.

[00:56:58]>> Yeah. the way the superior man they speak about that you know uh about like not change like what you say like don't let a woman influence your decision as far as >> I'm not cuz that could be that could be that could >> you say you you consider a woman's viewpoint but >> you consider a woman's viewpoint but you shouldn't totally change your mind simply because now if she has if she if she truly has the better plan if she truly opens your mind up to a new way of thinking and you can see the outcome being better then who? But if you change your direction simply to maybe please her or avoid an argument or anything like that, that's a no.

[00:57:37]>> I'm not saying you can't be open to your woman's point of view because obviously she's your helpmate and you know women are a tremendous uh value and contribution to a relationship if you got a good one. But you should have your own standard that you following and uh just try and if you wrong, you wrong.

[00:57:54]That's and that's cool. I would I would I you you should be able to sit in that.

[00:57:58]>> Like I I made a decision. I was wrong.

[00:58:00]Uh it didn't pan out the way I thought it panned out. Cool.

[00:58:04]>> Versus every time >> you been in your uh >> you been in your uh your rules or you know changing your mind and [ __ ] >> And and it should still be a level of respect there. Like don't let her bully you, [ __ ] >> Yeah.

[00:58:15]>> You know what I'm saying? It should still be a level of respect there if you change your mind. But >> that's that, man. And and it's hard. I know this hard for women.

[00:58:24]>> Like when you in a relationship and you letting a [ __ ] lead, you got to be okay with him being wrong. You got to be okay because you trusted him to, you know, take you down a certain path. It's like if if if that take y'all if that take y'all to a dead end, you can't, you know what I'm saying? Switch up on him. It's like, well, all right, cool, babe. Let's >> you got it. Let's get it next time.

[00:58:44]Let's get it the next time. Let's, you know, reccalibrate. You can't be trying to [ __ ] drive the Watch out, [ __ ] we doing this like nah >> absolutely >> we won't do that absolutely and I think that that comes from a level of consistency and you have enough enough deposits of good decisions to make a withdrawal of a bad one and not go bankrupt like you know what I'm saying >> uh >> it's just like when you think about the great leaders I use sports just because it's easy example we all know these people Tom Brady Michael Jordan Tom Brady threw an interception at the end of the game his team going to live with it >> because it's Tom Brady and he didn't bailed us out of so many situations and he didn't kept is cool and so many you know what I'm saying we didn't overcame so much even if it's not a [ __ ] on the Tom Brad it could be Joe Barrow it could be like we never won a Super Bowl before but at the end did they win Super Bowl they went to I don't think they won >> but you know what I'm saying it could be any of these guys who play on an elite level it's like bro you've done enough to show us and we trust you and if you get it wrong the next man up like ain't a ain't a ain't got the balls to sit here and be like oh I should be the [ __ ] starting it's like [ __ ] no that's still he's still that [ __ ] >> you know what I'm saying he's done enough to show that he's still that [ __ ] and make mistakes and we cool with it and that's still gonna be our guy because he's still gonna give us the best chance.

[00:59:54]>> We don't think there's nobody better out here. You know what I'm saying? So >> you you gotta be making a lot of good decisions like you know you got >> proof >> calculated and yeah all of that all of that. So you got >> Yeah, you just gave it to me. I spoke I spoke uh on it uh I made a real about it. I think it was like on a Saturday and like nobody saw it. But but touching on having proof with your relationship, with your woman, having proof with yourself of making enough good decisions to whereas you have the confidence to make a decision. You got the confidence to move forward.

[01:00:31]>> And I was thinking about um somebody had slid in my DM and was just kind of like congratulating me on like my progress.

[01:00:38]Yeah. with capture and they just started asking like a bunch of questions like um man how you how you come up with it? How you start it? How you find you know a per a person to even build it? Even at work today it was a uh it was a girl she was like how you even get started with that etc. Like it just seemed like that's too adult for me etc blah blah blah. And this is one of the biggest things I've done but I got a lot of deposits. I have a lot of proof of completing and starting things in my life to whereas when this idea came about the only reason I didn't launch it in 2018 because I didn't have the resources like it wasn't because I was scared it was just uh resources was limited but when opportunity presented itself to actually build it out I had all the confidence in the world to build it first of all so much of my confidence when it comes to business and just moving on things I used to do doortodoor sales like that's the most character building thing that you could do and I would recommend doing it like when you're younger but uh you know what I'm saying getting door slam the the amount of rejection then I I took that confidence took it to the next endure uh uh endeavor and this is just rinse and repeat rinse and repeat so by the time uh you get to a grand idea by the time you get to you know whatever your next move is you got the confidence so you got to start most people don't have enough deposits. They don't have enough proof of concept in themselves to move on the idea because you didn't start enough things or you quit a lot of [ __ ] If you quit things that you start, you have proof that you don't finish things.

[01:02:21]You have proof that you you're a critter and that takes away your confidence. It chips at your confidence. And it start with little things. I gave the example of uh start with fitness. If you can't complete a 30-day fitness challenge and you committed to it like, "All right, cool. I'm going to do this for 30 days.

[01:02:36]I ain't g a gonna have no alcohol. I'm g just do this." What 30 days is not a long time and you quit a weekend, you quit two weeks in. It don't seem like that big of a deal. It's like, "Ah, whatever." But that small thing, if you quit on that, when it's time to commit to something bigger, you're going to remember that I couldn't even [ __ ] finish the 30-day challenge. And that's going to hinder you from >> starting things. So to shift it towards the relationships if you not making a bunch of good small decisions in the relationship, you chipping away at your woman's confidence in you. So and I think I want to add to the uh the one that you just said about quitting on the 30-day challenge. You also training yourself to accept failure from yourself.

[01:03:19]>> You know what I'm Man, cuz once you let yourself down once, anything you do, if you steal some [ __ ] from the stove the first time, it's easier to do that [ __ ] the second time and it get easy. Like your conscious ain't going to eat you up on the 17th time. You don't give a [ __ ] at this point. Like you just snatching [ __ ] >> Yeah.

[01:03:35]>> If you keep quitting [ __ ] it's the exact same way. That first time you gonna feel bad about yourself after a while. You not going to give a [ __ ] that you quit that [ __ ] You ain't going to think about the two that it's going to be a two second thought and it's going to be easy to just like >> rush. That inner voice is everything, bro. That inner voice when I'm on the e-way driving to my job and I got to pass that Chick-fil-A, I got to get all the way in the furthest lane to make to inconvenience myself to not get over like, "No, bro. I ain't getting that Chick-fil-A, bro."

[01:04:01]>> Yeah.

[01:04:01]>> [ __ ] that [ __ ] [ __ ] that [ __ ] Like, and I be think I have to I be having to really talk to myself. Not even just Chick-fil-A, but it be all type of [ __ ] It be >> every [ __ ] register you check out at is candy everywhere. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I hate that. Like, they just put all the candy all around the register and [ __ ] And it's like I really got to be like damn bro you gonna waste all this work you did in the gym if you eat this [ __ ] >> lally >> all this you paying for the gym membership so you got money you wasting them three them not three hours but them you know however long you spend in the gym four days a week you're doing this [ __ ] for no [ __ ] reason if you eat this Kit Kat >> literally and you think you think it ain't you think it ain't that big of a deal just one Kit Kat fitness and health is so unfair >> you will rule doing a week's worth of [ __ ] work >> from eating a cheeseburger.

[01:04:48]>> Easy. And and and the thing is like, you know, I don't know. It's like when you when you break that [ __ ] when you say all that and you get the Kit Kat anyway, it's over with.

[01:04:58]>> Yep.

[01:04:59]>> It's over with. Like you you you and and you lose trust for yourself.

[01:05:04]>> And that's the biggest thing. Trusting yourself, bro.

[01:05:07]>> Like when you you gonna need yourself one day, >> [ __ ] Every day. Like dead ass. Like it's just like another person. Like when you trust another [ __ ] it's like you going to need this person one day. You want a [ __ ] you could trust. You going to need yourself to show up for something one day and you not going to do it cuz you don't trust yourself. We f to start the episode back up. Look, I was talking to this kid, bro, >> like yesterday. I was talking to this kid I was mentoring >> and he wanted to be a firefighter. He said he usually want to be a firefighter and I was like he was I was going to the to the academy and everything like that.

[01:05:37]I'm like, "Bro, that's a great job." Oo.

[01:05:39]And he like um he like, "Yeah, I don't want to do it no more. I quit." He like, "Why?" He's like, "They talking about I got to run two miles and do this and do that." And I'm like, "Why you quit?"

[01:05:47]He's like, "I ain't in shape no more. I smoke too much. I can't run no two miles." And I'm like, "When would you have had to take the test to run the two miles?" He was like, "You know, later on when I take the fireman test at the high school." Like, "You're a junior high school right now."

[01:06:00]He like, "Yeah." I'm like, "You don't think if I gave you two years, you can't you don't feel like you'll be ready to run two miles two years from now?" He like, "Yeah, I could get in shape for two years." feel like bro we have to and adults do this we limit ourselves and we say yes or no to certain goals dreams aspirations based on who we are today >> and it don't make sense right so a lot of times we talk about this alignment and discipline and motivation and integrity and all this other [ __ ] sometimes it's just time >> right like if you gave if you looked at this [ __ ] like I got two years to prepare you wouldn't felt like I don't got to do this no more. But you trying to you you looking at the version of who you are today and trying to see if the person you are today fits into this dream of tomorrow and that don't make sense cuz you're not going to be there next. I was like, "Well, what do you want to do now?" He's like, "Oh, I start a car dealership." I like, "Can you start the car dealership today with who you are today, the habits you have, the knowledge you have, can you start a car dealership today?" He like, "No." I'm like, "So, you gonna have to get some more knowledge, get some good habits, break some bad habits, you gonna have to become a different person." He like, "Yeah." I'm like, that's the same.

[01:07:08]Anything you do, you gonna have to be a different [ __ ] >> Yeah.

[01:07:10]>> But if I gave if I said that, like I used this example the other day, like if somebody had a trivial goal of like buying a Ferrari >> and let's say you work at Amazon, you make $40,000 a year. You either going to a say [ __ ] the goal like I'm never going to get a Ferrari or you going to have you gonna create some space to where you're not moving towards that goal at all, but you still telling yourself you gonna get it somehow. [ __ ] do it all just very weird. [ __ ] do that all the time. But if you told yourself, "I want a Ferrari in 10 years." If I gave you 10 years to figure out how to drive a Ferrari, I'm pretty sure everybody will feel confident that they could figure that [ __ ] out in 10 years.

[01:07:46]You could be a doctor in 10 years. Yeah.

[01:07:48]>> You get what I'm saying?

[01:07:49]>> But it's like [ __ ] don't get that type of time. [ __ ] look at who they are today, look at the goal, and be like, "That's far as [ __ ] >> I know I can't get that [ __ ] today with who I am, so [ __ ] it. I can't do it."

[01:08:01]And I think that's a big part of the problem though.

[01:08:05]>> And this look, we we going to take it to Patreon because I got some [ __ ] Let's go to Patreon. [ __ ] it.