Aristotle's political philosophy, as discussed in this video, presents a nuanced view on slavery where he considered it wrong in principle but acceptable in cases where individuals could not care for themselves, reflecting the complex ethical and social frameworks of ancient Greek society.
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MSSP: Aristotle's Political Philosophy and the Problem of Slavery in Ancient Greece!
Added:I've been I've been reading I'm I'm telling you I'm big because I I try to read a lot of philosophers.
>> Huh?
>> Nothing. [laughter] >> I try to read a lot of philosophers and like dude it's you read it and you're like what the [ __ ] are you talking about? 99% of it you're going this makes no sense.
>> Yeah.
>> I I will say Aristotle is the first guy I've read where I'm like this actually does make sense. But now naturally he has a bunch of haters and uh so they were like Aristotle in his thing like he wrote a whole book on like how to be a good person and it's like ancient Greece so they tackle slavery and you know he uses like slave master as like some example but the guys are like teaching it on YouTube are like by the way Aristotle was against slavery thought it was wrong only in the cases of if a person couldn't take care of themselves.
So in Aristotle's view, it was actually wrong to do, but if it was like you could enslave the [ __ ] basically the [ __ ] were SL. He's like, "Yeah, obviously if the guy like can't take care of himself."
>> Yeah. Give him give him a job.
>> Give him [ __ ] to do.
>> Yeah.
>> But yeah, that's it was like the guy stepping in to like save it. And I was like, "Oh, that's kind of a hot take."
Being like, "No, I think it's wrong, but you're [ __ ] I I can cap >> I can catch you." [laughter] >> Then you'd be just You'd have to be just to the guy. You couldn't be mean.
>> Back then they just thought it was anyone with a huge dog.
>> Yeah, true. Look at this guy's dick's huge. I'm going to help him out.
>> They also were like those guys when you get into like all their stuff, they they had like the the idea of being like a person's not human was like not a bad thing to say back then. They're like, "Yeah, like you know cuz he Aristotle taught Alexander the Great." Yeah.
>> I didn't know that. I just found that out.
>> And then so he was Macedonia and Greece had this big beef. But once Macedonia came up, Aristotle was from like the Macedonia area. So he was telling uh Alexander like, "Yo, Greeks are chill.
like they're your boys. The rest of people aren't really people. So like dude, >> which is hilarious cuz they were like 20 miles away. [laughter] >> Like they weren't far away and they're like guys over there subhuman pieces [laughter] of [ __ ] >> And it was it was like any >> so close you walked to fight them.
[laughter] >> That's how close the subhumans were.
>> Any barbarian, they'd be like, "Yeah, that guy's >> a loser." And it it's yeah, it's really the ancient texts are so funny because it is like really nice and you they'll have another take where you're like [gasps] >> and they also believe that like fish just came out of mud. They didn't realize yet that like fish [ __ ] each other.
>> Not a bad guess.
>> Kind of nice. Yeah, >> they probably saw it.
>> Yeah, >> probably saw fish eggs hatch and they're like that's just coming straight out of the mud.
>> Came out of they like if you stir up the water a fish are just like just like pop out.
>> Definitely.
>> Yeah, dude. It will >> probably happen so many times.
>> I am. stir up the mud, a [ __ ] catfish gets you. You go [laughter] these [ __ ] come right out of the ground.
>> Yeah.
>> He was one of the first guys to be like he he was like doing his thing. He went to Plato's Academy for like 20 years. He got snubbed. He was supposed to be he was supposed to take it over, but they like gave it to Plato's whatever his like nephew or something. So then he just went to the aisle of Lesbos, which is the funniest place. Went to Lesbos and he just sat in this lagoon and just stared at fish all day and he would just pull them out, cut them open, look at them, be like, "Cool." And then he just sat there for like pretty much for the rest of his life just like cutting open, dissecting like every thing he could imagine.
>> What was that again?
>> Aristotle.
>> Oh, nice.
>> Yeah. He was kind of a beast. He like just he would just he had all these theories on nature. He had theories on everything.
>> Yeah.
>> But he would just sit there and just open up fish and be like, "Fuck, dude.
Oh, wow. That's cool." And Alexander the Great was like knowing he loved to cut fish up would just send him [ __ ] from like wherever he was traveling like, "Yo, Aristotle, yo, teach."
>> I think he outlived he outlived. Uh >> he did.
>> Yeah, >> he did. Every time you keep every time you say Aristotle, I just keep thinking about Shack highlights. It's >> the big Aristotle.
>> Just keep coming in my head, dude.
>> That's nice.
>> Just dunking. [laughter] >> That's cool. He died and he had a second wife by the time he died and he had his second wife make sure that his first wife's bones were placed in his casket.
That was kind of sick.
>> Toss her bones in my casket with me.
>> That's nice.
>> Very nice. Yeah.
>> Yeah. Alexander the Great rules, >> dude. He's the [ __ ] man.
>> Yeah, he was he was pretty sick. Didn't he put the Bible together?
>> No.
>> Hell no.
>> No, I thought that was him.
>> It was a little before him. He was before that.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, >> but I thought he was the guy who uh took out the Enoch or whatever.
>> Is that right?
>> I'd love to know what the [ __ ] you're thinking.
>> What's the What's the lost Bible book?
Everyone's >> Enoch. Yeah. I thought I thought Alexander the Great was the guy who took that out of the Bible.
>> No, he was just kicking ass.
>> Okay. He was He was before the Bible.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. I know. Yeah.
>> So, how the [ __ ] did he do that?
>> Time traveler. He's BC.
>> I don't know, dude.
>> He wasn't.
>> Time traveler is crazy. I don't believe in anything anymore, dude.
>> Did you used to believe in time travel >> for a second?
[laughter] >> I ain't seen it yet.
>> I ain't seen it, dude.
>> Me personally, I ain't seen it, >> dude. Although, you feel like a time traveler. Do you ever think it's like Thursday when it's only Wednesday and you're like, whoa, I've been living as if it were Thursday. [laughter] >> Yeah, >> it's light time travel. time traveled yesterday.
That was nothing. That time did not exist, [laughter] >> dude. Yeah, I'm I think I'm going to choose to believe time doesn't exist.
>> Why? I think this is a logical next step for you. [laughter] >> I like it. Time doesn't exist.
>> Yeah. Or I I don't know. I'm going to try I'm going to think it doesn't affect me and see if that works. But I'm going to like follow the structure of time.
You know what I mean? But I'm not going to believe in it. I've never seen you follow the structure of time. [laughter] >> I've never once thought that you were abiding by time.
[laughter] >> I'm pretty on time.
>> Yeah.
[laughter] >> The mayor, you were a couple karate lessons away from being a helium bouncer.
[laughter] [laughter] >> You could be the next I'd be with stars.
What was his name? He [ __ ] rules.
>> They're all Every helium bounc >> Every helium bounc are [ __ ] >> But the theories, they always have the hottest [ __ ] theories. Yeah.
>> See, I don't smoke weed, so I don't get hit with the theories. [laughter] >> I'm sure if you're smoking a blunt out front of Helium, >> you're getting some good theories theories.
>> Yeah.
>> Did you ever see yourself with the Jeff Cap era?
>> Yeah.
>> I think you >> I've seen you rock a Yeah. Kangle.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. For sure, dude. That's Detroit style right there. That's like >> true. When I fully retire, I'm going to have a Kango and like a one of those shirts that are kind of two-tone, but it's like a button-d down. You know what I'm talking about? And then the pants.
>> Talking about Tony Soprano.
>> Yeah, I'm full Tony Soprano when I retire.
>> That's nice.
>> From nothing. [laughter] >> I mean, you don't believe in time, so why should you retire from everything?
>> Yeah. You know what? I'm going to just start wearing Start wearing the Tony Supreme [laughter] Gaming.
>> Yeah.
>> You're just going to start working?
Yeah, the control.
>> Time to put on a Jeff cap [laughter] >> and get a jerb.
>> It's time to get a jerb, dude.
>> No, you should do the opposite. You should Yeah, you do the early retirement late working. Your career is just that like you could do anything.
>> Yeah, >> there's those old like blues bars around here. You could [ __ ] post up and people would think you knew things.
[laughter] >> That'd be sick.
>> Just holding sit like those. Yeah, the blues bands here. If I saw you sitting there, I'd be like, "God damn, that guy probably rips." [laughter] They ask you to play, you go, "No, no, my playing days are over." [laughter] >> You pretend to be blind. I'm blind now.
[laughter] >> It's not a bad move.
>> Oh, dude. No matter what, you I've had this idea forever. And I think if you did it, it would be a very fun web series where you just you get a briefcase and you start out in the world and just see how high you can rise.
[laughter] >> Just go to the first place. It would be so >> No. No, if you want like complete power games.
>> Yeah.
>> Like backstabbery, just do whatever you can to >> just put a camera on them and make them apply to jobs with a briefcase.
[laughter] >> Shitty jobs with a briefcase. Sitting down and interview [laughter] >> cuz you could tripod it and be like, I just is it okay if I I just want to like see how I do on these and like study it?
They'd be like, yeah, go ahead.
>> Let's just run a interview right now.
>> True.
>> Oh, no.
>> Me and me and Matt will be employers.
I'll get some [laughter] job interview questions.
>> What would you say your biggest weakness is?
>> Um, I would like to say that I tried too hard, but honestly, I just like to have a little bit of fun.
>> Oh, no. [laughter] Can't say you have too much fun in an interview.
>> I didn't say too much fun. A little bit fun.
>> I have a little bit of fun. What is a little bit of fun?
>> Now, what does fun mean to you? What does that entail?
>> Maybe I'll bring some donuts. Maybe I'll I'll bring a pizza. You know, just a little bit of fun.
>> Okay.
>> Just a little bit of fun.
>> Just nice fun. Safe fun.
>> Safe fun. Your biggest weakness is you bring donuts to work.
>> That's Hey, man. Everybody's watching.
[laughter] >> Everybody's watching their waistline.
>> How would your previous How would your previous co-workers describe you?
[laughter] >> How would your previous co-workers describe you?
>> They would say that I know how to get the answer that I want.
You know, like uh [laughter] I'm relentless. You're relentless.
You're determined.
>> You're relentless in your pursuit of the truth.
>> In the pursuit of the truth. Yes. My truth.
>> What are you looking for in your next role that you were missing in your previous role?
>> Uh, a role. [laughter] Yeah. Do you have anything? [laughter] >> Something that'll allow me to play less games. [laughter] >> So, you you want this job so you play less video games, >> man? Yeah. [laughter] your hires.
>> That's the best.
>> What else you got for him? Because I [clears throat] like this.
>> I do like this. Based on your background, what skills or attributes can you add to this team?
>> Well, we don't need a leader. We got one already. But [laughter] >> oh, >> so not leadership. You don't have Do you possess leadership skills?
>> I think I have leadership skills. I believe I have leadership skills, but >> okay.
>> Why would I want I don't want that job.
That's your job.
>> But [laughter] so what if you got to answer the question?
>> Yeah, I forgot the question.
>> That's not [laughter] tell me about a time you had a particularly heavy workload. How did you handle it? [laughter] >> You've had the heavy workload before. I remember [laughter] your pants walking.
>> [laughter] >> Didn't you intentionally piss your parents to leave work? That was a mental uh a mental [laughter] >> mental breakdown. Break down.
>> Yeah, >> my mind broke. [laughter] >> I handled it, but I'm stronger than that now. True.
>> Remember the last time you had a heavy workload, you intentionally pissed your [laughter] >> You pissed your pants in an aisle.
>> That's not the last time. That might be one of the last examples, but it's not the actual.
What are some others?
>> What are what are some, you know, just I had uh edit too many videos at once and uh instead of letting it stress me out when they were rendering, I just took my time, went outside, smoked the blunt, [laughter] >> didn't edit any of them.
[laughter] >> What happened?
>> No. Yeah, >> I nailed it.
>> I I breathed. I breathd. I took my breath. And then I uh watched some shows and I went back and took care of the problems.
>> There you go.
>> What were the problems?
>> Just the editing.
>> How'd it go? Did you get the videos done?
>> Yes.
>> On time.
>> On time.
>> Were they happy with it or did they fire you?
>> They were happy. [laughter] >> Cuz have you ever been fired from a job?
>> Have Have [laughter] you ever been fired?
>> Yeah.
>> I think I've been fired.
>> Okay. For real?
>> I I think [laughter] I think just you guys What about the place you pissed your pants at?
>> No, I quit that place. I I never went back.
>> What about the delivery gig you had for a while? I remember you like when we first when you first came off of the podcast, you were also delivering a lot from like a warehouse.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> Yeah, I remember I remember the attempted warehouse.
>> Second you told me the hours, I was like one week.
>> Yeah. When I was doing uh junk mail, I was like sorting junk mail in Jersey and I was like [laughter] this is [ __ ] >> I did for like a month. [laughter] I don't want to do this anymore. Then I worked in uh Delo for uh one of the health departments and I was just in a warehouse moving boxes around. [laughter] It wasn't anything. I was just moving boxes.
>> Here's a question for you, La Mer. Tell me about a time you were proud of how you changed your mind.
>> You have time. You talk about time.
>> Yeah. I've I've I've changed my opinion on Joel Embiid.
>> That's nice.
>> You like him now? [clears throat] >> He's all right. He's he's going up. He's from like a three to like a six now.
>> That was a pretty respectable performance.
>> It was.
>> He died. He died for us.
>> He died for the game.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. And I'm starting to change my mind about the goddamn Pistons.
>> Oh, you're getting mad about your Pistons.
>> They got destroyed. I was gonna make fun of Nate for how bad the Sixers lost, but then we got even worse. [laughter] >> I do. I I Nothing makes me happier than La Mer being a Detroit sports fan.
>> It is pretty nice. Just a dog [ __ ] city for sports >> because you can't really talk about it.
[laughter] You can't really talk about it.
>> By the way, no offense to all our Detroit listeners >> here. The Tigers are buddies.
>> It's a It's a great That's a fun thing to be.
>> Yeah.
>> Just being like, I like the Lions, >> the Pistons, the Tigers.
>> The Pistons and the Tiger. You got to get into the [ __ ] Red Wings.
>> They've been Redings. They've been trash lately.
>> Yeah, Red Wings and the Tigers have been trash.
>> Weren't the Li who >> the Lions?
>> Oh, yeah. Weren't the Weren't the Lions?
I thought they were pretty good, weren't they? They were They were good last two years ago. They were really good last year. They took a step back.
>> I have a hot take. Nate hate Everybody hates my hot takes with sports, but I think >> of course should I think the Lions should have got rid of Jir Gib Gibbs instead of David Montgomery, but only because they won when David Montgomery was playing. They're not winning when Jir Gibbs is playing. That's my only point.
>> I want a squad that wins.
>> It's fair.
>> David Montgomery is on the Texans now. I think they might win the Super Bowl. For real.
>> For real, dude. CJ Strad, David Montgomery, don't they have a good receiver, too? Um, I was going to say Andre Hicks or something, but that's like old. That's like old. Yeah.
>> I think the Texans are going to take it next year. Tax, >> they're nice, dude.
>> Yeah. Well, didn't they play in the Super Bowl?
>> No. No, >> they're close, right? Didn't they come close?
>> CJ Strad's uh >> He's hit and miss.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. I wouldn't It's early.
>> Yeah, >> it's early to back him, but it's not crazy.
>> Yeah.
>> What else? What else would that was?
That's a terrible answer.
[laughter] >> La Mer, imagine your team's workload doubles overnight, but deadlines don't move. How would you respond in your first 24 hours?
>> Panic.
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> Heavy complaining.
>> Pure panic. Heavy complaining. Nap.
[laughter] >> I mean, you get straight to bed.
[laughter] >> Second. I get hit with the stress.
Bedtime. [laughter] >> That's it. Yeah. No, I would like Okay.
I'd probably take 30 minutes to look over everything and then I try to pass off the appropriate jobs to the appropriate people and then I would also, you know, bring in some pizza because of that little bit of fun.
>> You'd get pizza for [laughter] the team.
>> Yeah. For for the team.
>> Now, would it be for the team or would you eat a majority of the pizza?
>> It it'd be for all of us. [laughter] Would you order the pizza and then eat most of it and then once you're done feasting say, "Hey, I got pizza for the team >> or [laughter] take a slice on the way."
Here's the question. Would you eat a slice on the way if you drove the pizza to your office?
>> No, I'm not driving the pizza to the office. I wouldn't take a slice on the way. I haven't done that in a while. I only do that. [laughter] I only do that when I get a little Caesar's side ready. That's the only time I take a slice on the way.
>> Slice on the It's not It's pretty hard not to take a slice on the way. I'll be honest. That's That's pretty tough. I don't know if I've ever grubed a slice on the way.
>> Oh, bro. The smell drives me crazy.
>> Yeah, of course. Oh, I drove I I grabbed a lot of slices on the way when I worked in catering. [laughter] And that was not my food.
I go, they got chicken palm here. I'll take I'll take one and then shake the tray a little. That thing was never here. [laughter] >> Dude, I had in Toronto I ate I was I've been eating early and stopping. So, I was I had two shows in Toronto and I was like, I'll eat early. I'll be fine for the second show. Dude, second show came.
I was like, "Fuck, I should ate. I'm like lightheaded, dude. I'm so hungry. I shouldn't have done that." So then before Chicago, I was like, "I'm I'm not going to fall I'm not going to fall into the same thing." So I just ate two dinners at once, just [laughter] burping the whole time.
>> Really trying to find a >> interesting choice. [laughter] >> Yeah, you just got to eat it like four.
>> I ate like six tenders in a burger.
>> I mean, trust me, that was early days on the road. That's how I was holding it down.
>> Before the show, literally like in the green room, I'd be like, "Let's order.
Let's eat.
>> I'd eat >> lunch."
>> Disgusting amount of food. And then go on [laughter] stage and be like, "Fuck.
>> I don't remember anything. I'm [ __ ] so full. It hurts." [laughter] >> Grease burps.
>> Mayor, here's a here's a here's a good one. Explain to me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years.
>> Oh, god damn.
>> Yes.
>> Um, and it's what's it's 20. We're in >> Get in the year. Getting the [laughter] year. Getting the year rights. You got to get that.
>> 2026 2016.
>> Yeah, that's a good that's a good uh >> Biden.
>> Good math there.
>> Biden was president or or Trump.
>> Trump.
>> Happy. Okay. 2016 Trump was president.
Wait, is this He's just fresh.
>> Don't answer his question.
>> Incumbent.
>> Let him figure it out.
>> Incumbent's a nice use of incumbent.
>> Thank you.
>> Uh, that's incorrect.
>> At the beginning of 2016, right?
>> I don't even know. Yeah, >> James, >> I think it means you got re-elected. I could be wrong.
>> 2016.
>> What does incumbent mean?
>> I think it's the >> re-election.
>> Re-elected. Yeah, you're the incumbent in >> He was the incumbent verse Biden when he lost.
>> Okay. Okay.
>> He was just coming in >> know. No. [ __ ] La Mer's right.
>> [ __ ] >> Yeah. La Mer was right, I believe, according to Gemini.
>> So, he's the incumbent.
>> Well, you got the job. um dumb person who [laughter] holds the office.
>> I didn't know what it meant either. I thought inaugural meant the first.
>> Yeah.
>> So he's incumbent in Isaal incumbent.
>> The hell happened in 2016, >> dude. Talking about the nation. It was chaos.
>> Yeah, Trump was incumbent.
>> No, an incumbent is the current holder of a political office running for reelection.
>> Oh, is that right?
>> Flip scoreboard flip.
>> Excuse me.
>> Goddamn Gemini.
>> Oh, >> got you. Okay, so >> sorry, Gemini.
>> Thank goodness. [laughter] I was about to stop believing in time.
[laughter] >> I, you know, I'm going to skip 2016 was nice. It was cool. Uh, nothing bad happened. Uh, then we went to 2020.
>> Chaos. [laughter] [gasps] >> 2020 was the Corona virus. That was a little tough. Kobe Bryant died in 2021.
Bigger, very more tough, huh? 2020.
>> Let him go. Let him go. Same year. Let him rip.
>> That was tough.
2021. Uh, a little confused. It was nice though.
Pretty chilling.
>> There you go.
>> There's a little bit of There's a little summertime fluff, but you know, nothing wrong with it.
>> What happened to summertime fluff?
>> You know, you know, there's some just was fluff during the summer time.
>> Little dust up.
>> Yeah, a little dust up during the summertime. Nothing. Uh, uh, there was whispers of a civil war, but no, it to never come to fruition. It was also like poor people versus companies, more or less, honestly. Yeah, there was that lady who got hit with uh she got hit with the [laughter] the she got hit with the fire uh extinguisher in front of the target.
[laughter] You >> remember that lady?
>> Yeah, Jennifer trying to [laughter] protect the target.
>> She's the one person doing the right thing in there. [laughter] Fire extinguisher.
>> Yeah, that was during the the great dust up >> the summertime fluff. [laughter] the summertime fluff of 21. [laughter] >> Yeah. 22.
>> Did you get any free stuff during the fluff?
>> Oh, [clears throat] no.
>> You didn't?
>> I wanted to go, but my friends wouldn't go with me.
>> Were your friends what?
>> No. Well, mixed.
>> Yeah, they can't go.
>> Yeah, but they're gypsy folk, so they could have did it.
>> Yeah, they were conflicted. [laughter] Who the [ __ ] gypsy folk? Uh >> uh J Simpson and his family, they're like burlesque people. His family like owns a burles troop.
>> Oh, really?
>> Yeah.
>> Circus.
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> So, you're saying he would be invited to the fluff?
>> Yeah. They could come to the fluff.
>> If if you work in the circus, you can [clears throat] go to the fluff.
[laughter] >> Absolutely.
>> Those TVs are yours.
>> Those power tools are yours.
>> I wanted I was in Philly. I wanted to go to Uniqlo. I wanted to see what they had.
>> You should have got in there during the fluff, >> man. I know.
>> So, you lack initiative is what you're saying during this interview. [laughter] During the during the free giveaway fluff up, you didn't get a free stuff. [laughter] >> Yeah. How tempted were you to hit the fluff?
>> Dude, I was so It was right there. I was so >> You were waiting on the fluff.
>> I [laughter] was like, >> like, when are we just going to go in there and take that?
>> Yeah.
>> What stopped you?
>> We're never going to be able to ride it again.
>> What stopped you from the fluff?
>> My friends didn't come with me. I just needed one more person to go. Let's do it. And I would >> hold the other end of a TV.
>> Yeah. [laughter] I would >> I mean it's undeniably would be very fun to write if you somehow could do it with like not feeling bad about you know >> just carving out yet just cutting a business.
>> That's why you hit a Verizon store. Who gives a [ __ ] about Verizon?
>> Yeah, but how do you activate the phone?
>> Huh?
>> How do you activate the phone?
>> Just turn it on.
>> You would betray the team.
>> Phones are so easy to activate.
>> You would betray I thought I for sure I [laughter] couldn't do it.
>> I could never betray the Verizon.
>> The team's behind you. Yeah, the team's behind you.
>> You would betray the team. I mean, that's why people have my back. Like the Verizon, man. I [laughter] would never do this to them.
>> Phone cases. Otter boxes would be nice.
Otter boxes. Yeah.
>> You know, those things cost like 4 cents to make.
>> Yeah.
>> I interviewed I interviewed at Verizon.
I was going to work at a kiosk in 30th Street Station. The guy was like, "Dude, all the [ __ ] we sell cost [ __ ] nothing."
>> The guy interview.
>> Yeah. He was telling me he's like, "Dude, I make so much money. This these things are $4. I sell them for 50 bucks."
>> That's nice.
>> Yeah, it was pretty cool.
>> Well, maybe they did deserve the fluff up. [laughter] [ __ ] them.
>> They get them for like nothing, dude.
>> It's a plastic phone case. It shouldn't cost $60. It's crazy. Yeah.
>> Just cuz you're already in there and you're just like, "All right, I'm ready to get I'm ready to get fucked."
>> During the great fluff up as as a white, there is the part where you're like, >> "Damn, >> I wish I could go in there and steal all that shit."
>> Dude, you could have went in there.
>> No, I couldn't.
>> It would have been a fire extinguished.
>> No, it's a unifying fluff up here. Once I saw the lip fat lady in a wheelchair defending the target, I'd be like, I somebody's got to stand with her.
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> I would have been right next to her.
Then the news would have been like special needs [laughter] couple >> fighting the stream to like hit her, break on her wheelchair just so she could stay stand her ground would be so nice.
>> She was the rock of Jibralter.
[laughter] The tide broke against her. She stood She's What a hero. [laughter] >> I hope she's all right. She's probably got She's probably not doing good.
>> Shout out Jennifer.
>> Yeah.
>> Jennifer's a legend for that, dude.
>> She was in a wheelchair. Got blasted by a fire.
>> Yeah, they beat the [ __ ] out of there.
[laughter] >> Oh, it's an extinguisher.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, they kicked her ass.
>> They kind of kicked her ass.
>> Chilling, man. These these sheets got me feeling these sheath underwear got me feeling like I'm >> Oh, the sheets. Oh, [ __ ] We got dumb ads.
>> Yeah, this isn't an official, but I'm saying I'm I'm like nervous my microbulge will come through my sweat.
So, if you see me fidgeting, just know it's a couple inches.
>> Last night, I was about to lay with a woman >> and to get prepared, I stuck my penis into the sheath.
>> I'm telling you.
>> And started thinking impure thoughts.
>> That worked.
>> It did work. Thank you, sheath.
>> You got a little Yeah. You You pop it out of there. I get the I get >> You get it in there, you feel a nice silky smooth touch on the tip of your penis.
>> My microbird morphs into an earthworm. I get the earthworm, dude.
>> What What do you mean?
>> It's a long skinny jaw. Pop out of the sheets. Nice earth. The bowling pin. The bowling pin is if I'm cold. If I'm cold and I get in the shower. Bowling pin.
>> That's an absolute bowling ocean.
Getting out of the ocean. Getting chubbed from a lady.
>> I told you.
>> Shower.
>> My bowling pin. Someone faced my bowling pin head on one time in [snorts] college. [laughter] >> Was a fun thing. We're all >> She stared down the barrel of the pin.
>> She stared down the barrel of the pin.
We're all >> She got the 710 split.
>> Dude, it was a September beach day. Can I hop in the shower with you? Of course.
Looked down. I said, "Oh no. Has this girl even has she even seen a pin before?"
>> Oh no. Hit her with the bowling pin, dude.
>> Oh, no. No, no, no. Dude, the pin is it's a brutal share.
>> It's a tough share to somebody.
>> They don't know.
>> There's a cone base [laughter] and then it goes back to regular penis.
>> It's crazy.
>> It is, dude. The pin.
>> Nobody talks about the pin, dude.
>> You were the first person I've ever commiserated about the pin with.
[laughter] And we were late into our lives before we commiserated on pin.
>> I thought it was just a defect of my penis.
>> No, dude. We all have a pin. If you get out of a cold, >> I can't say I have.
>> Why don't you move that mic a little or pull your chair closer?
>> Yeah, dude.
>> Sean, I saw Sean's penis at the stand. I peed next to him and took a healthy look.
>> Dude, that the stand is designed for I looked at Sean's penis, dude.
>> Not bad. Not bad.
>> My brain adds I think I I think I do a thing where I I could add a lot more to people's penis, but I like saw Sean shaking that thing and I went, "Okay."
You could see it out of the peripheral or did you just >> No, my peripheral was strong, but I I I out of peripheral I caught it and then I did >> I did the the haunted house eyes. I did the haunted house eyes on my >> You have to [laughter] It got very spooky. I saw it. I was like, "What the hell, >> dude?" Did you know comedian's jobs are to take you through a spooky house?
>> Oh, dude, for sure. [laughter] >> Where was that from?
>> Uh Whitney Cummings.
>> Oh, [ __ ] >> That was a tough one.
>> Spooky house. I got called gay for defending Saint Roies. Dude, >> who who got attacked you for that?
>> Big J with the fingerless gloves.
[laughter] >> Old old [ __ ] chain wallet tie-dye hair [ __ ] had some choice words for me apparently. Really? For >> according to according to some people on the bonfire today.
>> What's wrong with defending Roies?
>> I don't know. I think they're thinking I'm butt dogging.
>> That's not true at all.
>> It's tough to see. It's tough to see guys he looked up to become vicious, jealous [ __ ] [laughter] Anyway, we're having fun. We're goofing.
>> Toss me the rock, dude. We're just prepared. We're just breaking our enemies down, dude. [ __ ] >> Our enemies are about to feel the thunder.
>> Matt, don't get to lean back. You remind me of of Jokic, dude.
>> Mama, >> you remind me of him. Actually, you're more of Luca Donuch.
>> Oh, for sure.
>> Yo, you ever watch him play >> Don? He was He played on the Bulls, didn't he?
>> Yes.
>> Luka Donic.
>> Yes.
>> No, you're [ __ ] Now I know you're making [laughter] that up. I do play basketball like an Eastern European NBA player.
>> That's the only way to play. Where's the ball? Where's it going? [laughter] >> I think you said something to the effect that they're like almost like foosball players.
>> They can't.
>> They're just [laughter] >> they can't leave the earth. So, they have to come up with ways of like euroep like [laughter] >> these sweatpants are so tight. They're just showing my microb.
>> You would like it. You would like watching Luca though for real. Chubby 22-year-old that just >> white dude that just dominates. Who am I thinking of? It was like a European >> Luke Longley. [laughter] >> H Yeah, I think I think I combined two white bowls.
>> I think you're thinking Luke Longley.
>> Luke Longley. The Bulls ever have an like Eastern block type?
>> Yeah, they had what's his name? Um >> he came in towards the end of Jordan and they all hated him.
>> Not Kerr.
>> It's not Kerr. Kerr's a US He's a US boy.
>> He's a US citizen. [laughter] >> We should clear that up.
>> We should clear that up. Steve Cerr is in fact >> Google his citizenship, dude. We should start doing that with >> Yeah, we need to start getting some people's birth certificates.
>> True.
>> Starting with Big Jay with the fingerless gloves. [laughter] >> We just read a rumor about him.
>> I heard he was Serbian. [laughter] >> Big Jay is Serbian, dude.
>> I need to see that. BC, dude.
>> I need to see the birth certificate, dude. [laughter] >> I think he's lying about his age, too.
He looks like hell.
>> I can't talk. I've been rapidly aging.
>> Oh, yeah. I've been rapidly [ __ ] aging.
>> The worst is you see a picture from like four years ago >> really >> of any of us.
>> Oh yeah, >> dude. How about the Legion of Skanks used our [ __ ] head shot? Your [snorts] headsh shot? You look like you're [ __ ] 10, >> dude. I see.
>> You look like hell.
>> I look old as hell.
>> Been through the ring.
>> I'm aging so fast. I'm toxically stressed.
>> I got everyone up my [ __ ] ass right now, dude.
>> Yeah.
>> Getting crushed.
>> Who's on your ass?
>> Goddamn wife.
>> Your goddamn wife's up your ass.
>> Getting stressed, dude. I thought I thought >> I got a new I rented a new stew.
Apparently I got to move a chair. That's got me [laughter] stressed.
>> New studio.
>> I rent a new studio. It's >> the sickest move I've ever seen.
>> It's so sick, dude.
>> That's where you need to go.
>> I have a whole [ __ ] I have a whole apartment. It's so funny explaining to people.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm like, "Yeah, I got put into an apartment." I feel like in their head they think I might have a concubine.
>> Whenever I say have an apartment, they're like, >> "Yeah, >> I talked about it. I might actually put like a very realistic sex doll, have a kept sex doll in a in a [ __ ] in a studio.
>> Just crush that thing, >> dude. Just >> if you had your own apartment, you get to come in, take your hat off, take [laughter] your jacket off, be like, "Hi, honey."
>> You get to just pretend it's real.
>> I [snorts] was talking all weekend.
>> Like, you're right. My [clears throat] teeth are nice.
>> Oh, for sure.
>> All the insecurities your wife hits you with. Just >> Sorry, had to work late. Sorry to work late. You know how it is.
>> I knew you would understand. [laughter] >> And now I'll reward you. Thanks, sex doll, >> dude.
>> Now, I'll reward you with some oral sex.
>> Now, I'm going to keep it in the house.
>> The sex doll?
>> Yeah, bro.
>> Keep it like a scarecrow above your daughter's crib. [laughter] >> Just in case at night she gets sad, you can have it.
>> True.
>> She'll be like, "Oh, my second mom's here. [laughter] My stepmom's in the room."
>> My stepmom.
>> Well, girls keep them things, bro.
>> They want them things like it's nothing.
Let me get the realistic sex style, dude. For like 3,600.
>> Get a torso. Just put it in the house.
Keep it in the guest bathroom in the shower. Just [ __ ] just stilt it up in the shower.
>> Who's goofing now?
>> I'll be open that thing like [ __ ] Mr. Bates, dude. It's time.
>> I'm going to recycle a joke that I used on Jim and Sam.
>> Yes.
>> It made me laugh and [snorts] you're going to appreciate it. So Jim had one of those like butt sex dolls.
>> Yeah.
>> And when he had to dispose of it, he lived on like on the 17th floor and they had a garbage shoot so he dropped [laughter] it. He said it [ __ ] thooded. I was like, it reminded me of a 911 jumper. Just fl just [ __ ] smack.
Anyway, I thought that was a fun joke. I said it twice. [laughter] >> Yeah, dude. I was I was joshing about that in the weekend. Just keeping just there's nothing stopping me from just tucking that into the guest bed, just being like loudly making No, I want it I want it there. It's a presence. It's a scout, dude. Yeah.
>> Do you keep a realistic $3,600 sex doll just tucked in >> in the morning? Carry it down with you.
Put it at the breakfast table and be like, "What have you made us?"
>> Oh, >> demand your wife make you and your >> sit it next to the whole time during breakfast. Be like [laughter] >> Yeah, I saw that, too.
>> You're so [ __ ] crazy. [laughter] >> She's so crazy, [ __ ] I love you. She's going to hear us.
>> I bet you get a three-way sex wife.
>> That That's how I'd start the whole thing. We'd all be friends at first and then I'd bring after I'd have my [laughter] >> I'd have my sunglasses on at brunch in our house and be like, "Yeah, I [ __ ] There is." She's being so shady towards.
[laughter] >> You have to have a threesome with your wife in a sex doll and just pay only attention to the sex doll. [laughter] Just like kiss it.
Just be eating it [ __ ] for like >> eat it the whole time. [laughter] >> Be like, "Get on its face."
>> Oh my god.
>> What would you name it if you had to come up with a name?
Phoebe. Phoebe. [laughter] >> Phoebe.
>> You like Phoebe? I like it. It's a good name.
>> This is Phoebe.
>> I don't know. The ethnicity is tough, dude. What I would do?
>> Oh, yeah. What What type of sexual What would the race?
>> I go like Scandinavian. I go white as >> Oh, you're going to get a pale babe.
>> I go Scandinavian.
>> That'll That'll put a >> It creates a dynamic. I'm all about creating tension within the house. This whole thing's a science.
>> You're going Neapolitan. I'm >> You're getting your your pink your pink dick out.
>> I'm the strawberry. I'm the [laughter] strawberry. Since I'll be exerting calories, I'll be pink.
>> Oh yeah. From head to see me hooping today.
>> Were you pink?
>> After 5 minutes, my head gets dark red.
[laughter] >> My arms are just pure. Like literally pink.
>> I got sink.
>> Yeah, my wife hit me with that. She was telling me she was like, "Yeah, it's crazy cuz you and I are the same complexion, but like since you're like I think you have a pink undertone." And I was like, that's >> I get decently tan.
>> That's blood, babe.
>> That's the rest of my blood. That's the blood of Patriots.
>> Americana.
>> It's a blood of goddamn Patriots.
>> I hate hot blood. Everybody hates it.
You get flush as well, don't you? Well, flush is pale.
>> Yeah, I get red. I get red for sure.
>> It's for us to say what flush is to be honest.
>> True. That is our word. It's not for us to take it back.
>> That's Yeah, we decide what's flush.
>> You better not say flush the toilet around me. [laughter] >> Yeah. Speaking of words.
>> Oh yeah.
No, >> they attacked the saint.
>> They went at the saint, but to no avail.
>> Who is it? Vanquished.
>> Did you read about the dudes who also went at bar stool?
>> Yes.
>> Is it the Midas brothers?
>> The mightest touch.
>> The mightest. I kept I was googling.
>> I'm not sure there's a cornier group of dudes on Earth.
>> The Midas Brothers.
>> Portoy Bulldog. The threeonone bulldog.
It was like >> It was like the skate video where the dude the skater beats up all those dudes. That was Portoy versus the Midas touch.
>> Well, he didn't know they he had the doss.
>> He had the doss, dude, >> bro. That sucks.
>> It was >> Who's the Do >> the Do >> allegedly one of the Midas Touch Brothers. One of the Midas Touch Brothers super PACs.
>> They're Democrat super PAC that are like they're pretending to be woke. They're just three rich Jewish kids.
>> Yeah. But they allegedly >> their religion has nothing to do with it. I apologize.
>> That's just, you know, >> their race. Excuse me, Whoopi.
>> Well, we we need to know when we're, you know, we're clarifying cuz we don't want to say they're white guys cuz we want to lump them in with white-on-white holocaust, >> which is just guys being bad. Yeah, that's just being >> bad. That's just boys being bad.
>> That's boys being boys, dude.
>> That's bad stuff.
>> Yeah, that's just [ __ ] human. That's just >> shout out to Whoopy for doubling down.
>> Just going on. She went on Co Bear the next day and was like, "That's just how I feel about it."
>> Basically, >> really, it's high time. She could It's time for her to break off the pack.
>> That was another conclusion I reached this weekend that it wasn't her fault.
It was just >> five women talking because I actually watched the whole clip >> and when five women talked for too long, it was it just became like meandering nonsense. Yeah.
>> So, nothing was making sense. It's It was crazy.
>> I just love that the view was It's time for us to talk Holocaust. Oh, [laughter] >> it's time for us. The view.
>> Yeah. It's just ladies sipping their tea, bro.
>> Let's talk cost.
>> It's time to talk the cost. Let's talk the truth.
>> It's cost to a business, [laughter] dude.
>> It's cost to do a business on the view.
>> That's true.
>> We're going to One of us has to come. Do you think they brainstormed was like, "All right, guys. This is going to get some clicks."
>> One of us has to have a hot take on the cost. [laughter] Dude, everyone's doing it right now.
>> Ew. Who else?
>> Everyone's talking cost.
>> It's time to bring >> The cost lives, dude.
>> The cost lives on.
>> You thought you forgot about the cost.
Guess again, dude.
>> No one forgot, dude. [laughter] >> Some Some people forgot.
>> Whoopy forgot. She forgot how [ __ ] what the cost was all about. You thought it was just white people acting a fool.
Turns out it was white people attacking Jewish people.
>> Turns out that the Jews >> not just white people acting a fool.
>> The Jews, in fact, did pay the cost to be the boss. [laughter] >> Now, that's not funny.
>> That's not joke. I apologize. If you were on blacked out, >> if you were on the view right now and I was in the audience, I would have been like, "The [ __ ] boo."
>> I wish they would have hit the applause button when Whoopi was >> Dude, a couple people clapped. I So, dude, I went back and watched the whole thing. She hit She let out first one.
She's like, "That's just white people on." Dude, the crowd I see Joy Behart's eyes raised. She goes, "Finally, the moment I've been waiting for. I've been waiting to take this [ __ ] down."
>> I've been waiting to strike down an African-Amean.
>> She always gets all the good funny lines.
>> I'm Joy Behar. I've been waiting to strike down a black person.
>> I'm just slowly working my way to working with Kelly Ripka. That's the >> Kelly Ripka.
>> Secret.
>> Secret gets her.
>> Secret is with Ripka now.
>> Ripka is a big dude.
>> Am I the right person? Yeah.
>> Mean, don't get me started on Regis. I hated that [ __ ] >> Whoa, dude. That's Notre Dame.
>> I hated Regis. He was a [ __ ] dude.
>> What do you [ __ ] ass?
>> What?
>> I don't know why I don't remember why I hated him, but I do hate >> this is crap. I remember I had beef with [ __ ] Regis. It was something he did that pissed me off. I don't know what it is, but I stand by my position.
>> That's fair.
>> [ __ ] Regis, dude.
>> I agree with that. I'll You know what?
I'll side with you no matter what.
>> [ __ ] Thank you, bro.
>> Turn my back on the >> If you If you turn me on this take of mine against Regis, I would have been like, "Fuck."
>> Really? I don't have enough. I don't have enough to >> I forget.
>> I know you have zero argument other than [ __ ] him. I don't have any argument to I don't remember. It's so >> although I think he banged out Kelly Ripka. You think Reed? Obviously, dude.
Obviously. I'm not one to spread vicious rumors, but >> I think Reed just got some of that good.
>> I think he took her down. That's what I think happens every time the guest host takes her down.
>> Strahan must have >> [ __ ] up the power.
>> Can you imagine what Strahan must have done to Kelly Ripky's [laughter] >> Ripk?
>> Strahan might have taken her down.
>> Kelly Ripka.
>> Imagine that gap to dude eating your [ __ ] dude. He's tearing it up.
>> He fixed his gap, dude.
>> Did he fix it?
>> Sold out. Fixed >> Kelly Ripka in. What was was it Good Morning Keller Rifa? What's her show called?
>> He was a good Morning America.
>> Good morning, Kelly Rifka.
>> Good morning, Kelly Rifka.
>> Yeah. Imagine the aerodynamic on a gap tooth eating [ __ ] dude. He can be hitting that and just go like hit like [ __ ] whistle on her.
>> Hit you just >> hit you with >> just [ __ ] >> He probably gets 528s on the bean, dude.
>> If he hits you with a >> I got a slight gap, dude. I could hit you with probably not 420, not 432, but >> think of that >> high pitch.
>> Think of that on your clip.
>> Do you ever whistle on a bean?
>> No, I'll break it out.
>> Dude, they feel that.
>> I I'll break it out.
>> Hit him with a Yankee doodle.
>> Yeah, >> dude. [laughter] That would kill them, dude. Or if you hit him with my Dude, if you hit him with a [ __ ] my dad like a Get over here.
>> I wish I could do that. It's like the hair.
>> Never been able to do that.
>> I can't. I'm >> I got I'm >> You're [ __ ] awful.
>> The first whistle you did, I was like, damn, that's a great whistler.
>> Yeah, if you're talking that Oh, it's crazy. My whistle's nuts, dude.
>> Like a bird.
>> But when I go for a full I have to fake the funk. I'll go a >> You got to go.
[laughter] >> Yeah. My dad can rip a no.
>> Yeah. Yeah. ESPECIALLY [screaming] >> YEAH. Do that. [laughter] Be like when when your kid's at like a [ __ ] [ __ ] trampoline party, whatever. Hit him with the [snorts] full on. Just be like, "Get over." Hey, [laughter] >> I said, "Let's go." Then jump on the tramps to go get her.
>> Did I tell you I've been quietly hitting Sky Zone?
>> No, >> bro. I've been I did the American Ninja Warrior course at Sky Zone. That thing was hard as hell. [laughter] >> What are you doing Sky?
>> I [ __ ] You bring my daughter. Skyones [ __ ] dude. Bounce, bounce. I got nice at like hitting the sidewall. It's not quite a Spider-Man, but I can hit that sidewall and come off.
>> You're trying to get on Ninja Warrior, >> dude. I >> I'd love to see you dive for the [ __ ] bar the helicopter straight down.
>> Let's just say I overestimated how far I'd get on one of those courses. I jumped This is This isn't even the true course. I jumped on Sky Zone's version of Ninja Warrior and just melted off the monkey bars. I gripped them was like, Dude, it was tough.
>> Impossible.
>> That was tough. Out of the four obstacles, I navigated a couple, but they were like the jump.
>> American Ninja Warrior is one of the sadder shows. People don't realize how sad that is to like so the dudes who compete in it are losers. They like build these things in their backyard.
Their wife is like, "This is it." And then the >> you might be you might be coming at my family, dude.
>> Step one, they roll an ankle.
>> I know people I know someone that's got a Ninja Warrior course in his backyard.
>> Who?
>> My cousin. [laughter] >> You just [ __ ] dedicated. It's for the kids. No, if you have a ninja if you have if you have a ninja warrior course and you press that button, >> you did it.
>> But if your wife watches if your wife watches you fail to jump up [snorts] the halfpipe time and time again, >> let's just say I'm glad my wife was eating nachos at the sky zone while I was melting off the monkey bars.
>> No, she didn't see you.
>> I came back. I came back tailing nachis.
>> Fresh nachis [laughter] with her friend.
Dude, >> nothing that nothing they love more than nachos.
>> I jumped in love nachos. that Sky Zone like just [ __ ] up. Like I didn't I thought I knew who I was. I was like I do a 360 misty flip into a [ __ ] phone pit.
>> I [ __ ] looked at that phone pit. I was like that's dangerous dude.
>> Yeah.
>> I'll jump in I guess but I'm not doing anything into that.
>> It's kind of scary.
>> I I thought I'd like Dude, remember Camp Woodward?
>> Yes. I was so pumped that was in Pennsylvania.
>> Oh, dude.
>> I was so honored to have the skating elites.
>> Did any of your boys go to Woodward? Uh, I don't think >> I actually did steal this from my brother Tom, but he talked about that >> about how sick it was like when one of your boys went to Woodward and came back. I'm like, "Yo, he just came to [ __ ] Woodward."
>> This was right when Tony Hawk came out.
>> He's going to get sponsored.
>> And was there Majer went to Woodward?
>> Yeah, >> that was [ __ ] Beaser definitely went to Woodward.
>> Beaser hit Woodward.
>> Absolutely.
>> Bezer's extreme as hell, dude. [snorts] >> You taking shots at the Bees right now?
>> No, he used to. That was the life he used to lead.
>> He was a skater.
>> Yeah, he was a skater boy.
>> He did go to Did he go to Woodward, though? So I thought it was he has to have gone to Woodward.
>> Did he hit the foam pit? PA skater.
>> Yeah, Beaser's definitely been to Woodward. Actually actually love parks mecha. That's where hunger hung down there. But >> yeah, that was a stomp.
>> He would probably There's two things.
Either he went >> or or he's like, "Yeah, Woodward's [ __ ] >> true." Yeah, I think it might have been the second one.
>> Yeah, >> I could see him being like that's gay and clear this up. Yeah.
>> Yeah, cuz if you went to Woodward, I think that was part of the deal. You had to get sponsored right afterwards.
>> That was the only reason I didn't get sponsored skating cuz I didn't go to Woodward and that's why I didn't get free Spitfire wheels.
>> If I went to If I went to [ __ ] Woodward and did a 360 misty flip into the foam pit and dropped in off the highest [ __ ] vert.
>> Tony Hawk would have seen it.
>> Tony, you're the newest member of Bird House. [laughter] The band would have been like, "Yo, that guy is so good.
>> I stunk, dude. I could grind. I was more of a street skater, [laughter] >> but I could that's that's what this become. You were more rollerb blades.
>> I was Dude, it's one of my darkest secrets, but I'm a nasty aggressive inline skater.
>> Yeah.
>> And I >> I had a feeling >> I couldn't do it though. I couldn't do it.
>> You strike me as a nice inline guy.
>> If I was inlining around my boys, they would have [ __ ] laughed at me. We were all skating.
>> Rightfully so.
>> I know, but dude, I I went >> You could have hit a sick grind.
>> I could >> on a on blades.
>> If I had my wheel removed and I had my grind plates for sure.
>> You would have gr grind plates.
>> Yeah, dude. I was aggressive inline.
That's what separates aggressive inline from just rollerblading. Dude, if I I dropped in on rollerblades. I rollerbladed on a halfpipe one time and I was like I was nice and I was like I can't show my boys this >> unless it's a total false memory. I'm pretty sure I roller >> has to be false.
>> No, I'm telling you, dude. Cuz I was at Boards and Blades and I think I was with my boy Shootsky and I was like he was nasty by the way. He got actually got sponsored. He was overseas for like for >> what was he doing?
>> Skating. He could skate, he could blade and he could BMX. He was [ __ ] nasty.
>> Did I [ __ ] that up? [snorts] >> But yeah, I think I put on blades. And strike me down, Shitzky, if I'm just if I just watched you and stole your memory. [laughter] >> Cuz at this point, it's entirely possible. I think I completely detached from my past.
>> Do you think you were sexually assaulted by Sean's dad? [laughter] [gasps] >> I think I think I was covering up the pain with glory of me rollerblading on a six foot six foot.
>> I'm not gay. I'm just really good at rollerblading. [laughter] I didn't get touched.
>> I think I grabbed the coping and did a headstand one time and dropped back into the vert and then Bam was like, "Nice, dude." I was like, "Thanks, [laughter] Bam."
>> Bam's the best. I might boycott seeing Jackass without Bam. [snorts] >> Oh yeah, dude. What the hell?
>> They I think might have done the right thing, dude. Bam was >> like kicking Bam out.
>> He was in no place, too.
>> Did they cancel him for being such a pain in the ass to his uncle? [laughter] >> I think his uncle ended up being a pedophile.
>> What? Yeah, >> I'd be giving a 14, too.
>> Pam's a hero in that case.
>> Be slapping him every morning.
>> Yeah, dude. Oh, here's my uncle. He's a pedophile. I'm going to wake him up 6:00 in the morning. I'm going to molest him.
>> I'm going to put some black cats in his work truck. [laughter] >> He was a [ __ ] pedophile.
>> Uh, was it underage?
>> Was he a party pedophile or is he like one of those?
>> That's what I'm wondering. Are we talking party pedophile where it's like, what was she doing there [laughter] or are we talking birthday party [clears throat] pedophile? Was he a Led Zeppelin pedophile or was he a [ __ ] >> Was he just Was it all the [ __ ] fame from getting his fat slapped on camera at 5:00 a.m. and then all the hot young chicks attacked him?
>> Guard dog, get on the case. I'm on it.
>> I wonder if he was a party pedophile or if he was an absolute [ __ ] creep.
>> Yeah, I hope he's a party pedophile.
>> An absolute [ __ ] lite pedophile.
Dude, >> he is a lite dude.
>> If he didn't know how to use Bitcoin, he obviously just slid into pedophilia.
>> Do you use Bitcoin? I haven't checked my coins, dude. They're They dropped to like 35,000 suck, right?
>> Yeah. But they're creeping up. People still keep calling for that $100,000, bro. I don't know what's going to happen. I have You know >> what about $2,100?
>> What? What about what?
>> What do you mean you don't know what's going to happen, dude? You know the future.
>> I mean, they said they're going up to $100,000.
>> I have Ethereum. I hope that does. I hope that's doing well.
>> They're trying to say like Ethereum's going to drop and Bitcoin's going to ride. I think if you Google any one that you have, there's an article at the top of Google being like, "It's about to rise to $9 million."
>> Damn, my my balance is >> How's your bitties?
>> My coins dropped, bro.
>> What you got?
>> Don Veto. Guilty.
>> What do you do >> of birthday party or >> um >> regular party?
>> His legal name is Vincent Margera. And at 51, he was found guilty of groping three girls ages 12 to 14 during an autograph signing at the Denver mall.
No, skate park in Denver.
>> What was this? What year was this? 51.
>> He was 51. It was 07.
>> So the fame did get to his head.
>> Yeah. He was signing autographs at a skate park.
>> Wasn't Bo Blaze, was it?
>> Did they detail the growth? What type of growth are we talking?
>> Let's see. Oh, he was acquitted on the third count, so he only got >> lime [ __ ] [ __ ] [laughter] Trying to cash in.
>> Trying to [ __ ] cash in on Don Veto, dude.
>> Getting his fat slabs on jackass.
>> Doesn't say I can't find what he did yet, but besides the groping, but it does say he broke down in the courtroom and started screaming to kill him because he can't go to jail for the rest of his life.
>> Was that at stake? Was he getting that life? Was he on the green?
>> I don't know. It's a life. He's also a [ __ ] guy, so probably just thought it was a life sentence, even though it might have been.
>> Do you imagine >> it was six years in probation. Yeah, I can't kill me now.
>> Kill me. Take me out of my misery.
>> I mean, obviously the misery is just being a world famous pedophile.
>> Can you imagine like getting your uncle involved? Like, this will be fun. All next thing you know, your uncle's like grabbing chicks asses at the mall.
>> Also, he was an old Italian man.
>> True.
>> Could have been a Cuomo defense.
>> Yeah, but dude, 12.
>> I didn't even think about it. Margger is Italian. Is it Italian?
>> It's got to be. If his uncle's grabbing 12-year-old's asses by default, you Good luck. You just got citizenship to Italy, dude. Do >> he probably He should have fled to Italy and they would have been like, "Oh my god, it's such >> you touch a little girl at the mall."
>> Yeah, he he grabbed their tits and asses at the skateboard.
>> Oh, he grabbed tits and ass.
>> Yeah, 15 and 14.
>> There's no defending this.
>> No, he's done.
>> To hell with him, I think.
>> Uncle D, I thought you were a party pedophile. Turns out you were a [ __ ] capital C creep, dude.
>> Yeah, [laughter] that's a let down. I was hope I was for sure hoping party pedophile band bangers and there was like a girl from Westchester that was like, >> okay, >> 17 something. You thought he was Californication.
>> I thought he was having fun.
>> That was the first scene of Californication, by the way. It was David Davany being a pedophile.
[laughter] >> David what?
>> David DVY. That's how you say his name, isn't it?
>> I think you added a syllable, but >> David DV.
>> It's Davany.
>> DV. That's it.
>> Yeah. David Dav, dude.
>> David Ducatti.
>> Kelly Ripka.
>> Kelly Ripka. David Dav.
>> What's Kelly Ripka's name?
>> Nothing, dude. Don't worry about it.
That's it. [laughter] >> Iron Kelly Ripka. Iron Kelly Ripka is nice. [laughter] She is nice. I used to think she was an absolute babe, dude.
>> Yeah, she was [ __ ] >> I had a thing for her.
>> You should have [ __ ] Dude, >> I wrote her letters. I said, "Get me on there. All I need is one chance.
>> I'll I'll get the orthodontist to [ __ ] rip my teeth apart.
>> I'll literally take all my teeth out for you.
>> I'll [ __ ] I'll hit a fre I'll hit a frequency on that bean. You can't even imagine.
>> Your bean will be sent through the [ __ ] roof.
>> I'm going to dog whistle on that bean.
Your dog's going to pop up and you're going to be passed out. You're going to know what hits you, dude. [laughter] >> You're going to be passed out.
>> Yeah. If I hit that bean, >> if I hit the god frequency on that bean, in a good way.
>> God frequency.
>> Totally consensual. As soon as she passes out, you're going to I'm done. My work here is done.
>> My work's done.
>> And you're going to start making her a meal when she wake up like, "Hey babe, >> I made I prepared this.
>> Here's a frosty steam."
>> What type of treat would you prepare her?
>> Some perogis. [laughter] Some [ __ ] fresh I'd make I'd knead the dough and make her fresh perogis.
She'd have a steaming hot steaming thing of hot chocolate. Just a steam >> hot chocolate and perogis after you get your [ __ ] Yeah, dude. [laughter] >> You pass out, dude.
>> After a stranger who wrote you a letter eats your [ __ ] >> Hot chocolate and perogis. I swear to God, that might be the worst combo I've ever heard. [laughter] >> You would not have been able to handle me when I was talking about perogis with like classic like >> So, we're talking like butter and onion >> or are we talking red sauce?
>> Talking cheddar. No, no, red sauce.
>> Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I was thinking ravioli.
>> No, no, no. We're talking potato. Yeah, we're talking potato, onion, >> and onion in the microwave.
>> Sour cream >> cold in the middle.
>> Sour cream. I've never even heard of that.
>> You put sour cream on your perogis?
>> I think I have, but I haven't eaten that many perogis to be fair, so I could be off. Forgive me.
>> No, I'm talking >> I like perogis.
>> Potato.
>> Maybe some cheddar. Was there some chi in those things?
>> I bet you could toss some cheese in >> some chi.
>> Chi belongs everywhere.
>> Microwave Ripka passed out. As soon as you know you're obviously, you got a finger on the pulse. If I'm eating [ __ ] I got a finger on the pulse.
Yeah, >> I'm holding the balls to make sure pass.
I'm backing off all the time. As soon as my wife passed out, I back off and I hit the kitchen >> because you don't want to continue.
That's at that point. That's you're doing something [ __ ] up.
>> Do you tell her like in in a few seconds I'm going to snap and you're going to wake up. There's going to be perogis.
>> I have a life alert. I do tell her. I'm like she's like, "No way. You're not going to make me pass out."
>> I have her hooked up to a life alert. As soon as it calls it calls my boy. He calls me goes she's out. I'm like, "All right, I'm back. I'm off."
>> Which boy?
>> My boy.
>> What do you mean? Your boy's just He's got >> I told I called my brother. I said, "Yo, get into the command station. I'm about to get on the box and I hit my gaps back, so I might hit the god frequency and she might pass out." It's like a GeForce training, dude. They [ __ ] pass out. Their cheeks are like [laughter] I'm just dog whistling on the bean, dude. I'm just right away foreplay, like, "Yo, do you ever see that episode of California Casia with David DVY?"
>> David DVY eats out a 17-year-old.
[laughter] That could be us.
>> We're going to watch that after on some proies and some hot Be honest, this podcast is making me want to eat some [ __ ] >> dude.
>> To do funny things to it. Just >> get on it. There's there's a whole separate world of eating [ __ ] where you get to do some party tricks. Hit him with this on the on the [ __ ] [ __ ] pretend you snap. But got your [ __ ] and leave your thumb away.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, where's back? Got your [ __ ] would be nice. [laughter] >> Check behind your ear.
>> They might for a split second be like >> Yeah. They don't know. That's more of a you if you went down maybe to the further latitudes and did got your [ __ ] that would be a scarier thing.
>> Dude, you could never find the [ __ ] >> What?
>> You >> me >> you could never find it, bro.
>> I don't even need to find it, dude. I just whistle.
>> It comes to you.
[laughter] >> Like, what are you doing? Oh, what the hell was that? That was a god frequency.
Go to bed. [laughter] >> But you were What were you asking if I What do I uh You asked me a question about something about eating [ __ ] I I forgot. cuz I was too I was too intense in terms of uh >> It was a good story.
>> It was a good story.
>> You go and sleep.
>> Oh, you're talking about erotic hypnosis.
>> Yeah.
>> Do you ever watch that?
>> Yes.
>> Dude, >> you showed it to me, I think. And I was supposed to not get turned on.
>> There's no way.
>> There's a dork like touching a woman.
He's like, "You're going to come right now.
>> Pleasure. Pleasure. Pleasure. Pleasure.
Pleasure. Pleasure. Pleasure.
>> Come."
>> Yeah, dude.
>> And then she's like, "Hey, put it on YouTube." I'm good.
>> Fake dorks.
>> I'm going to strike that down.
>> Yeah. How the [ __ ] are they allowed to do that? And we're not allowed to say, >> what was the name of that? What's Tom's?
Uh >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ __ ] We got that ad read.
>> We got We have other ad reads.
>> Yeah, we got a couple. Um, >> keep chatting. I'm going to search for the ad.
>> Yeah, chat. You are you are the Don Draper, dude.
>> You know me. I go in there, I sip a ton of whiskey. I get on the line, I say, "What are you trying to make me sell?"
>> Yeah, dude. Yeah, but that's uh, you know, that's what I'm on right now. I'm all about the foreplay, dude. I'm back.
I was I was off the foreplay for a while. Now I'm just a vicious foreplay.
>> What's your favorite foreplay?
>> Nipple sucking.
>> That's the best.
>> Milky.
>> I've been on the bench on I've been on the nipple bench for a minute, dude.
>> Oh, that must be nice.
>> You put You did some wee ones, dude.
>> She forgot, bro. [laughter] >> I'm not I'm not ashamed to say I was turning the dials last night.
>> You must have forgot.
>> You must They >> I turned the dials last night myself.
>> What time?
>> I was a little late.
>> 9:00 p.m.
>> I was later. Yeah.
>> Sorry. I had a show with Louis CK. It's not a big deal.
>> You were You were the night show. Sorry, I was doing >> You were the night show, dude. You were Delila at night. I was [ __ ] prime time on the [ __ ] nipples, dude.
>> 9:00 p.m. I was [ __ ] Oh, I put on a clinic on those nipples last night.
[laughter] >> It was crazy. I'm not going to brag and say what happened. Like, I'm not going to say I made her come just from sucking her nipples. Like, I'm not going to say I did that, but it was like a humong Yeah, I'm not going to get into this, but dude, >> your wife's nipples, >> dude. It I'm nasty on the nipples. You take a man off the nipples. Imagine two I hit those nipples with like seventh grade fervor.
>> Yeah, >> I was off the nipples for 2 years.
>> What type of sucking are we talking? Not too hard.
>> I would never. Dude, >> I don't know how you do.
>> I'm talking you just bite, dude.
>> A letting them feel the teeth is a thing.
>> Yeah, sometimes they like that.
>> No, I'm working with a woman into womanhood, dude. They get so sensitive when they have kids. So like that kind of >> they got calloused up from the from the bank.
>> They can, but they get they get calloused because they get [ __ ] They're getting crushed.
>> Yes, you got to go in there with a little extra force.
>> No, no, no. You got the nips. I I approach nips, dude. I do a lot of tongue circles. A lot of tongue circles.
>> Lucy makes all types of nicotine [laughter] products.
>> What do you do?
>> Tongue circles >> around right around the perimeter. So, you get the You know where dudes have [ __ ] dots on their nipples?
>> Now, you're rubbing the [ __ ] at the same time, right?
Let's just say [laughter] let's just say I'm out of the sheets and I'm just letting them know, dude.
>> Yeah.
>> The Dragons at the Rams at the door. The Rams at the gates. I'm just letting them know. Rams at the gates.
>> They're trying to throw hot oil on it.
You're down there. You're Braveheart with [laughter] the boys. Just >> The Rams at the gates.
>> They're Oh, there's nothing they can do.
>> They can't stop.
>> The British are in there shaking their boots.
>> It's Lord of the Rings, dude. I'm the or the or the Legion of Orcs. Wolfhead, dude. just talking.
[laughter] >> That's pretty tight.
>> Yeah. So, that's that ad read.
>> That's good.
>> Yeah, we did it.
>> It's something you're passionate about and break.
>> You're passionate about nicotine and break.
>> Pass me the rock. That was great, >> dude. You're passionate about nicotine.
You got to follow your passions.
>> I am.
>> Nicotine is like forever.
>> I think I'm getting addicted to alcohol as well. It's getting close.
>> You think it's You think it's an addiction?
>> No. I don't think Can you get addicted to Bud Lights?
>> Uh, no. I I don't think you can become addicted to them. I think I think Bud Lights are like weed where it's just a psychological addiction.
>> Yeah. Like before I go on stage I'm like I got to have one beer, dude.
>> Yeah. I think it's a psychological and you'll you like weed is like it'll get you into kind of like ancient aliens and stuff. Bud Light would just slowly creep you into like more aggressive uninformed conservatism.
>> Yes.
>> Just like Yeah.
>> I mean that's it's crazy what they're doing. The border is a [ __ ] mess.
>> That's where I'm headed.
>> Believe they're not letting Rogan say it. [laughter] >> Dude, I actually laughed. Um, when I was so I was like I've been >> Oh, wait. Did we even explain the doss first?
>> No, we didn't explain.
>> We didn't even get into mightest touch.
>> That's how we work, dude.
>> I know, dude. We're always >> back to the mightest touch. [ __ ] >> we [ __ ] >> I like that. That's my favorite type of ball movement. You move the ball and your shoulders.
>> That's crazy.
>> That's everything.
>> On Patreon. I might dribble. I might dribble a little bit on the Patreon. Let >> Yeah, we might toss in a dribble seminar.
>> Star wrestler.
>> You don't know if I believe those [ __ ] >> The star exploses. No, I believe the stars stars supernoving.
>> Who's your go-to space guy?
>> No one.
>> I like Machu Picchu. Who's that one guy?
Machu Picchu.
>> That's a place.
>> Muaku.
>> Muaku. [laughter] >> He's my go-to. He's the least flashy space guy.
>> Oh, the Japanese dude.
>> Yeah, he might be >> the long Japanese dude.
>> Yes, that's my go-to space guy.
>> He's a good dude.
>> I'll let him break it down for me.
>> I'm with the Greek alien guy.
>> Oh, Sucilos.
>> Sucilos. [laughter] He's the best.
>> True.
He finds one cave drawing that looks like a ship and he's like, "That's a ship, dude. You can't tell me otherwise."
>> You got paid off that, too.
>> [ __ ] yeah, that was that was riveting stuff.
>> You see that [ __ ] Mayan, dude?
Ancient aliens are [ __ ] >> What's going on with those pyramids in Antarctica, dude?
>> I didn't see those >> snow pyramids.
>> Allegedly, there's something down there they don't want us to know about.
>> Or it's freezing and no one can go there. [laughter] It's one of the two.
>> Or it gets down to minus 150 and it's hard to build things down there. It's one of those two things.
>> Yeah, >> maybe there's a secret civilization there.
>> Again, that is a power move, dude. It's like you just lost all your money gambling. You go to your son and you say, "Never mind what happened to me. Do you know what the [ __ ] going on in the North Pole?"
>> Face in the snow in >> [ __ ] not telling us about it. I'm sick of it.
>> Yeah, they're not telling us what's going on up there.
>> Don't go to college. Here's the thing.
You're not going to college. Learn all that [ __ ] [ __ ] >> Yeah. Don't worry about what happened to your college friends.
>> Don't even worry about it.
>> I got to pick an enemy. I don't have an enemy for my household. I don't have like a outright out and out enemy. I got to pick one.
>> I got it, man. Or else we'll turn on each other.
>> I got to I got to pick an enemy like a common enemy for my entire household or else we'll turn on each other.
>> Pick a neighbor. Start a fight. Do something petty to a neighbor.
>> Yeah, that's nice.
>> Get like a tree and have it grow into there.
>> Oh, >> that's good. It's a safe one.
>> Yeah. I'll just accuse them of like looking into our bedroom window one day.
Like just knock on the door. Could you guys not I see you guys at night like looking into my window. They're like, "What the hell?
>> You're watching me bathe. Stop watching me bathe.
>> Every time I take a bath, your [ __ ] pervert kid climbs over and stares at me. Find Yeah. Find one with like a 12-year-old son. Accuse him of being a peeping tom. Now you've got a war.
>> True.
>> Yeah.
>> It's actually not a bad idea.
>> Or go trick-or-treating tomorrow.
>> Just [ __ ] the whole neighborhood up.
>> Just go what?
>> Be like trickor treat. Then I think they >> What the [ __ ] do you mean you don't have any candy?
>> Yeah.
>> The power move would be doing it like the day before, the day after. Make we trick or treat the day of. We trick or treat the day after.
>> I think the power move is trick-or-treating to in November >> and just going this is Yeah.
>> Thanksgiving trick tricker meat would be nice.
>> Give us some meat. People will do it.
>> Trick or meat would be nice.
>> Every almost every single family you run into would be like uh >> tricker meat.
>> Yeah, we have some ham in a ziplockc bag.
>> Dude, that would be nice. You could gather leftovers.
>> That would be trick or meat. Yo, dude.
That would >> Or go Christmas caroling and sing like hardcore rap. Scream the n word during your Christmas carols.
>> X going to give it to you.
>> X going. [laughter] >> Yeah.
>> Felicia Satisha.
>> Yeah, >> that would be nice.
>> Now we're talking. Now we're Now we're finding enemies.
>> True.
>> You provoked it, but now you know what I mean.
>> Yeah, you're right.
>> This is like a October 7th type thing.
You did provoke it, but then maybe they have been dicks in the past. True. I mean, anyone who's not down with trick or meat, anyone who's not down with trick or meat, >> tricker meat's [ __ ] nice.
>> Dress up like pilgrims and just [ __ ] take over people's houses.
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> Soon as they give you food, shoot them with a musket.
>> Thank you.
>> That would be tough.
>> Yeah. All right, >> dude. We've potted into the night.
>> We've potted.
>> It's [ __ ] dark.
>> You were going wild on that.
>> Sorry, bro. I've been thinking I had to get that stuff off my chest. It's been eating at me. Although, that is that's been a revelation for me. The [ __ ] dude, I'm telling you to eat me alive.
I'd be in place. I'm like, "This place is wrong. This place is [ __ ] up."
>> Yeah, it's not the place. I mean, it is the place.
>> Yeah, it was an internal It was an internal process.
>> You Yeah, >> it was an internal process that needed to be.
>> It's you [ __ ] up.
>> Transcended and included >> and then going, "It's actually this room, >> dude. For real, dude. It's like the the walls aren't really straight in here."
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> It's every ghost hunter.
>> They going Something's wrong here. It's like, yeah, you're a 48-year-old ghost hunter. [laughter] >> You're the problem.
>> [laughter] >> Oh man, >> your girlfriend believes you.
>> Yeah, you tricked a dunk. She's She's also like, I feel it, too.
>> Yeah, true, true. Like, yeah, you're with another guy.
>> She has no free will. Maybe girls have no free will and guys have like a little bit, dude.
>> I can concede that.
>> Solski, I was like, no. And I started watching it and I was like, you bring up decent points.
>> I maybe less than you maybe it's less than people think.
>> I've been on that no free will kick for a while.
>> Yeah, I know. That's why I was pumped. I said >> everything we do is instinct. Everything we say, the reason we said it was an instinct.
>> And there's like he's arguing there's predetermined almost biological factors that, you know, I do have to do with stress and all this stuff that it's like, yeah, you wouldn't have done this.
And then he's like, yeah, there's going to be outliers, but by and large. He's like, if your setup was X, you'll most likely X.
Although, dude, how the [ __ ] did I bust out of the Matrix then? Dude, [clears throat] >> you did.
>> How the [ __ ] did I bust? Yeah, I totally busted out of the matrix.
>> How did you bust out of the Matrix?
We're out of the [ __ ] matrix.
>> What do you mean?
>> I don't know. The [ __ ] like matrix, dude. [laughter] >> What do you mean? Tell me. Tell me how you bust out.
>> You have the 9 to5 job is the matrix.
>> Oh, >> 9 toive job is the matrix.
>> If that's the matrix. Yes.
>> Although this could just be a deeper, more hellish pool that we're laying in.
Hellish more >> tank. No, it's not. It's way better. But it's also part of the It's part of the Yeah, >> true. I know. I think we're [ __ ] I think we're the [ __ ] >> in the sub wet subway tunnels.
>> We're helping people get through the matrix.
>> True. Someone's in the Matrix right now.
>> True. Although it's Dude, I'm telling you, >> also the Matrix kind of [ __ ] rules, dude. Some I liked having a job, >> dude. I'm telling you, the older I get, I'm going, bro, >> it is not that scary of a thought to be like, all right, bro. Monster.com, I'll go sit in an office and talk to people for 8 hours and [ __ ] around and like, >> yeah, >> check deliveries, man. Like, for real, it's not that bad when people like, there's so much more I could be doing.
It's like, not really, dude. Like, >> yeah, >> you can work on that [ __ ] in your free time and night.
>> Surprised you get pretty numb to cool things. Just I'm telling you, man. I get more and more just [laughter] I get more and more I'm telling you. I'm telling you. You get more and more just kind of like Yeah, man. [ __ ] >> And then there's no [ __ ] You can just be like, "Yeah, this is what it is."
Especially when you're married. You can just be like, "Okay." Yeah, bro. But you need [ __ ] $4,500 a month. You want it or I'll get it.
>> Yeah.
>> You got to get this [ __ ] money.
>> So, and you get to come home from work and enjoy a dinner and a TV nice show with your lady.
>> You earned it, [clears throat] bro. And you go, >> you earn it, bro. It's [ __ ] busting my ass at that [ __ ] >> My dad hits the TV so hard, dude. So, I like when I stayed there when we visited, we were there and it was like >> hits the TV so sweet, >> dude. It was 11:30 p.m. He was up watching like some show about [ __ ] like It wasn't Yellowstone.
>> Doesn't he watch Wild [ __ ] Watch, >> dude. It's gunfire and he's like his hearing's all [ __ ] up.
>> So, it's just the loudest gunfire into the night of him just like you're [laughter] like, "What the [ __ ] dude? I'm trying to put my kids to sleep in your house.
>> Horses being slaughtered.
>> Yeah. Go. [laughter] >> Yeah. Just dude horses falling over.
>> You do get to Yeah.
>> He keeps my mom up till 11:30. She tries to fall asleep and it's just horses rearing, guns falling, then he lays down and goes [laughter] >> the whole night.
>> Yeah. He >> such a beast. He earned it, dude.
>> He earned it. He [ __ ] eats ice cream.
He has diabetes type two, so he doesn't want to hear it. Crushes ice cream.
watches people shoot each other for four hours and just goes, >> "Yeah." And it's like, "Dude, I'm I'm so proud." I hear I hear that [ __ ] just like >> snore is terrifying, dude.
>> That snore is wild.
>> It's a It's a It echoes through the house. You hear the basement, dude. You got >> total victory. [laughter] It's crazy.
>> Total victory, dude.
>> Your My mom just laid She Somehow she's gotten You get used to it, I guess.
>> Yeah. You just take it.
>> When they wake up, they live for the wake up going, Kev. [clears throat] Yeah, that shove.
[laughter] >> I told you the one time I my lady was uh she would spaz when she was sleeping. I came in the bed and I [ __ ] I was like, "Shut up." And I shoved her.
[laughter] >> She went, "Ow."
I was like, "Oh, fuck." I just jacked her up. My bad. [laughter] [ __ ] dude.
>> [ __ ] [laughter] I can't wait to get in the gym with you.
And dude, I'll clang and bang and disrupt. Dude, >> I'm pumped, man.
>> I can't wait to disrupt.
>> I'm [ __ ] pumped. You know, you saw me. I just [ __ ] car bloated, dude. I was scared I was going to go in there on an empty belly and get [ __ ] up.
>> That's why I drank that muscle milk. I'm going to be [ __ ] huge. It's actually my nickname at the gym.
>> Muscle Milk.
>> Yeah. They say I look like a bag of milk.
>> What compliment?
>> Big time compliment.
>> Huge [ __ ] compliment.
>> They say you look good naked at the gym.
I I get I shower with my trainer after.
>> You You really should, honestly.
>> He soaps me. He inspects He inspects my body. He says, "You're making gains here."
>> I mean, be like, "Dude, how can I trust you with my body if I can't see every inch of yours? You should see your trainer naked. [snorts] I might show up naked. I want to be naked afterwards. I didn't bring any clothes. I'm just going to >> You could get down the street ass naked here, >> I think. So, yeah, >> it wouldn't be much of a problem.
>> Ass naked. How far do you think you met?" Dude, I saw a guy [ __ ] beat a homeless guy up not too long ago.
>> Here.
>> Yeah. You pass that cafe. I think a homeless guy was like leaning I think he like might have peed on his car or something >> and a dude like picked the homeless guy up by his jacket and just [ __ ] dropped him on the ground. Were you with me that one day when that Greek guy beat up the homeless guy?
>> It was a sidewalk slam. [laughter] >> Were was you with me?
>> No, I missed that.
>> [ __ ] Who was with me? It It was a [ __ ] >> literally like put a homeless guy in like an arm bar.
>> Yeah, the guy tried to the guy tried to push him in front of a car.
>> Yeah.
>> And he broke his arm.
>> Yeah. The guy did not tap and just went legend. He said, "You're going to have to kill me."
>> Yeah.
>> And Butterly was like, "Perfect."
[laughter] >> I've been training. This is the only time I've gotten to use this for real.
Thank you. [laughter] >> My brother's friend beat up a homeless guy with a Gatorade bottle.
>> With a Gatorade bottle?
>> Yeah. Full Gatorade bottle. Use it as a weapon and beat him up.
>> There was a The guy was just talking [ __ ] Yeah. The guy was like this this guy used to hold the door for people and be like yeah [ __ ] ass mother like if you didn't give him any money like [ __ ] ass [ __ ] The guy was probably >> 7-Eleven >> on 34th on Lancaster. Right near >> the one by our the one we used to go to.
>> Yeah, the one right near 34th Lancast might have been a different iteration.
>> Yeah, I'm sure somebody else held that position.
>> Yeah, but [laughter] successor. He was preceded by >> mega if you watch mega fat CEO baby.
[laughter] He always had nice sneaks.
>> Yeah, that guy >> he would just be like here I'm don't >> We had a different when I went to Drexel, we had a different guy. That guy was like a newer guy and he you know >> how long are their terms?
>> Four years president. Yeah. Four year term >> and then they go into retirement.
>> Where do they do the election?
>> Uhhuh.
>> Where do they cast the votes and do the election for this? [laughter] Cuz that's a good spot.
>> Well, I think the guys I think their campaign is walking AROUND BEING LIKE [ __ ] WHERE THE [ __ ] is making some good points. College. College 7-Eleven in a city.
>> Yeah, >> that's a good one. There's a lot of white kids that are like, "Here, have a dollar." I'm sorry.
>> When I first moved to the city, I I used to give I'd see anyone. I'd be like, "Oh my god." Yeah. Here.
>> Shaking hands with people.
>> When I first moved to Philly, I was literally like, "How are you?"
[laughter] I'd be like, "Let me stop you. Let me tell you something." I'd be like, "What is it?
>> What do you have to tell me?
>> You just need money for a train ticket to get back to your family.
>> The [ __ ] the bus?
>> Oh my god, man.
>> 250? Yeah, I got that. I got that $20.
Yeah, here. [snorts] >> Yeah, it is funny to be completely >> on the way I remember I'd be on the way to Raven. I'd be shaking hands with Helless Dudes. [laughter] No, I have no concept.
>> I'd sit down and talk to him.
>> Those are the days. I did that in college once. Westchester sat with >> Did you >> sat on the bench in that like main square with like a clearly, you know, in hindsight a schizophrenic homeless person.
>> Oh, really?
>> Yeah.
>> You didn't learn anything?
>> Just talked about God. I think I told him I was God.
>> That's pretty cool.
>> Yeah, >> that's not bad.
>> It's a sick move. Get drunk and tell a homeless guy, "I am God. I'm here.
You've been bad. [laughter] >> Kill yourself."
>> What? Uh, how' the rest of the conversation go?
>> I don't remember much. Obviously, I'd had a couple.
>> You're hammered.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm God.
>> I am God. You ever think of that?
>> Then you're in trouble.
>> You've been bad.
>> What have you done?
>> What was the name of that bar? That Irish bar that's right there. It's like Barney's or something like there's Kildairs.
>> Barnabies. Yeah. It was after It was after a nice night at Barnaby's.
>> Yeah. I don't think I I don't think I've gotten drunker in Westchester.
>> Westchester is great.
>> There was this bar we used to go to.
They they would do pictures of Long Island iced teas.
>> Yeah. Fishbowls.
>> Yeah.
>> Was it the fishbowls?
>> I think so.
>> Yeah. They would give you a fishbowl.
>> Yeah. It was a Yeah. And they called them Strong Island iced teas. I would >> We would all be in a fishbowl, >> dude. You go there first. I get the first fishbowl. Then you'd split like three of them with your friends and next thing you know it was just completely blacked out.
>> Totally blacked out. We would pregame by chugging. I mean, everybody does this in college, but we would pregame with just chugging a bottle of like rum.
>> Yeah.
>> And then you'd go out.
>> I don't Do kids still drink that hard?
You're part of the younger gener. You're part of the new generation.
>> When you were to college, how hard did kids people drink?
>> People drank pretty hard.
>> It was like drink a bottle of vod split a handle.
>> Yeah. Just really cheap vodka >> like birthday cake.
>> Yeah. Admiral Nelson. Admiral Nelson's was big.
>> Admiral Nelson's. Calico Jack.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Just the worst travelers of all time.
[clears throat] >> Yeah.
>> Vlad. Vlad. Vlad. We had a lot of Vlad.
>> Told you. I used to freeze Smeirnoff, the black label. I think it was 50% alcohol. I'd put it in my freezer the whole time. Then I'd bust it out and like >> Oh, yeah.
>> Dude, it was like a It was like a cold syrup. Yeah.
>> It was like antifreeze. I would just drink it and be like, "This is the [ __ ] good.
>> It doesn't freeze. I'm on the eighth floor of the [ __ ] Calhoun door.
>> Yeah.
>> Just looking out.
>> Overlooking the city like Batman. Just [laughter] >> I'm rolling a blunt.
>> The city needs justice. [laughter] I'm going out tonight.
>> I still went up.
>> I tried my best to get [ __ ] >> I still [laughter] >> Where is she?
She's got away again. Damn it. Joker.
[laughter] [ __ ] would elude me and I would sit with the homeless and I go, "You're you're the problem. [laughter] You're the [ __ ] one ruining this."
>> Dude, I'm telling you, I used to cry. I used to knock a [ __ ] and come home to my dorm and cry. It would kill me. I'd be out. I'd be like, "What's wrong?
>> I'm doing everything right.
>> What's wrong with me?" [laughter] >> Oh, heartbreaking. How embarrassing.
>> I'll get kicked out of a frat house, be like thrown out by three dudes and be like, "What's my [ __ ] you guys?
[laughter] [ __ ] you, [ __ ] Your voice cracks while you're yelling at him. I didn't even do anything. [laughter] >> Yeah, those are some cries. We got some cries in in college. Yeah, >> drunk cry. Yeah, you're not used to viciously blacking out.
>> Yeah, true.
>> Cries, dude.
>> I'm being on your own, too. You're on your own. You're hanging out. You're trying to, you know, >> these guys, my new friends don't even like me. [laughter] [gasps] >> I feel bad for the Noah. He's a COVID college guy. They got robbed, dude.
>> Yeah, he got locked in.
>> Truly the only point of going to college, >> dude. For real. That's Yeah, it doesn't help you professionally.
>> You need to go somewhere good.
>> True. Yeah. If you know what you want to do with Westchester >> and you're either becoming a nurse or a teacher. You're wasting your [ __ ] time.
>> Yeah, but you're partying, dude. You might meet the one. You might >> Yeah. You could meet your babe at Kill It at Ryan's on wing night. You can eat the one or you could, you know, burn through the ones, dude.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> You could have the one. You could say, >> "I'm going to go get [ __ ] I'm going to drink four locos.
>> I'm going to cry.
>> My mom's got diabetes.
[laughter] She's [ __ ] sick."
>> Where were all the girls in college? I was at parties with only dudes pretty much the entire time.
>> Yeah, exactly. in a basement >> somewhere else. Where the [ __ ] were they, dude?
>> I don't know where the girls were.
>> I was a basement man myself, dude.
[laughter] >> Just like, "Guys, watch this."
>> I was like a shitty basement getting [ __ ] hammered.
>> Floating anchor man blacking [laughter] out >> a whale's vagina.
>> Yo, would watch girls walk in and be like and slowly leave and be like, "Damn, dude. Yo, we should [ __ ] go this other place."
>> [ __ ] them. Yeah.
>> I [snorts] heard there's girls over here.
>> Yeah. I was I was still a part of the >> You get there and scare them off.
>> Oh, [snorts] yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Or it's like the lacrosse team. It's like the sports house you're at. Their girlfriends are there and you're like, >> "What's up?" Like the [ __ ] out the [ __ ] my girlfriend.
You >> miss my [ __ ] [laughter] >> I miss all my [ __ ] cousins and brothers.
>> Then you hug the dudes, bro. Sorry. We were fighting earlier, [laughter] man.
That's just how we get down in my hometown. That's how we get down. We fight all the time. I've been in three fist fights. Two of them were in sixth grade. [laughter] I'm kind of a fighter.
Oh, my hometown. [laughter] Murder capital of America.
>> I didn't get I got in no fights in high school and then I fought in college like way too much. I got in like the dumbest fights where I It was like being in a dream. I was so drunk I couldn't move my body. I like [laughter] >> just fall down.
>> I fought a black guy.
>> Get off of me.
>> Yeah, I fought a black I fought a black BMXer. [laughter] >> They're usually skinny. How was it? Was he big?
>> He had the grips on him. I remember he gripped me up and I went, "Oh my god."
>> Oh lord.
>> Oh my [laughter] god.
>> Oh my god.
>> It was a draw. It was a total spaz draw.
>> Yeah. I did full spash strength and got the superior position. Then it was >> That is the one thing that white people can't unlock, >> dude. It [snorts] was full. I don't think you ever seen someone.
>> Yeah, that was my finisher.
>> Yeah, just [ __ ] >> the cry scream walk out. [laughter] >> Why would you hit me? [laughter] We were supposed to be friends. I'm trying to get [ __ ] I love her. Yeah.
You know what? I don't think girls I guess they I don't know if they liked when you got when you got in a fight either. You think they like wanted to have sex with you right away?
>> Not me. Not if they they saw the who's that guy screaming and crying.
>> I went to a Halloween party dirty after having gotten a fight and like the lady was just kind of like, "Ew, >> yeah, >> get out of my house." I was like, >> "Sorry, I was in a fight. That's where I'm from. I do fights."
>> I was in a fight.
>> Someone called my brother gay and I fought him.
My brother's not gay.
>> Yeah, I was losing. I was losing a fight and I cheated.
>> Yeah. Is what was that? The 7-Eleven one. What did you do?
>> I just picked up some object on the ground and smacked him on the head with it.
>> You got to do it, dude.
>> Got on top and he was like, "Yo, boy." I was like, "Course we're [ __ ] boys, dude.
>> We're boys, dude. This is what we do. We drink. We fight. [laughter] We settle it like men."
>> Yeah. I'm a I was a cheap fighter. That was one thing my dad taught me. He was like, "Yeah, dude. Like, kick their feet. Kick them in the legs." I was I I grabbed a fat grabber if I can grab it.
I squeeze as hard as I [ __ ] can. That was a very I fought a guy like that one time where I gra I just went and grabbed his fat as hard as I could and he just [laughter] >> dude he lost. His legs were total jelly.
He was huge. This guy was huge. I just went honk >> and he went right down. He was at my command, dude. I was puppet master, dude.
>> Dude, if you do a full like as hard as you can whole hands like spaz pinch, >> that [ __ ] hurts.
>> Yeah, it hurts a lot. [ __ ] killed.
That >> was day one of college football.
[laughter] College football practice day one. No, no pads. First day of walkthrough in summer camp. Dline.
They're trained to grab your jersey.
>> You're not under your shoulder pads.
You're not wearing pads.
>> Oh, >> they dude. They would just squeeze your tits and your shoulders and you had to be like, >> "Doesn't hurt. I'm blocking you back here the whole time." [laughter] >> Face was dark red in my helmet. Just like, >> "Dude, we don't have [ __ ] pads on.
You don't have to squeeze me."
>> Yeah. Take it easy, you [ __ ] [ __ ] >> That's why I'm on offense. You're defense, dude. I'm more important.
>> I am more important. You're exactly right. Offense is obviously more important.
>> Yeah. Like, dude, take it easy.
>> Defense is for dumb asses.
>> You're going to ruin my [ __ ] season, dude.
>> Are you trying to blow it? I'm the I'm a D1 transfer. Real D1. I'm from Army, dude. You're from Elon. [laughter] Get with it. I just got got rocked every day.
Me and this kid uh first day there we had to do like uh like you [snorts] go to the gym and m they just get all your maxes on everything.
>> Yeah.
>> Which is heartbreaking when you're like, "Oh, I'm real behind."
>> Yeah.
>> Cuz everyone else in my class is a lot stronger. But me and the other the kid who was my roommate right away, he was a wide out from Alabama and he was like we both were like, "Yeah, I'm more of a on the- field guy. I've never been much of a numbers guy." He quit the first day.
He quit. We had to do uh conditioning drills the next day and he quit on that.
>> Yeah.
>> Day one of college football quit. Pretty nice, >> dude. That's scary. The conditioning your body is going like, "Dude, don't >> conditioning blows.
>> This is too much."
>> Yeah. I remember he fell down during it and like crawled across the finish line and I was like, "Damn, >> what?"
>> Then he just went home immediately. I was bummed. He had an Xbox 360.
>> Ah.
>> He put it in our dorm room with the new NCAA and I was like, "College is going to be awesome."
>> And then he moved out.
>> And he quit and moved out with it. Then I got a [ __ ] just regular student roommate who was a [ __ ] guy.
[sighs and gasps] >> I gotta chill on that. I've been hitting it a lot. But >> [ __ ] Yeah, >> that was the guy with the [ __ ] uh I've told you about it. He had a Dick Vital alarm clock.
>> No, >> he loved Dick Vital. Every morning it would go off for his 8 a.m. classes.
Wakey wakey, baby.
>> And I was just like, I hate this [ __ ] guy. That was the one I woke up and he was falling off his It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. He was he had his bed lofted and his computer underneath it. And I woke up to his alarm going off and him holding a chair from his desk falling off his bed like this. And he looked at me was like, "Help." He [laughter] was like, "Help me." I just laid there and he tried to do a flip and [laughter] he just from the top just suplexed himself straight onto his back [laughter] and was like scared. And he landed was like, >> "Yeah, >> I didn't put myself in those. I don't put myself up high when I sleep, dude."
>> No, >> I'm a wild sleeper. I don't understand how people do that.
>> Top bunk like >> climbing up when you're hammered at the end of a night. Yeah.
>> Oh, >> yeah. I I used to get abused out of a top bunk, too. My older brothers would like wedging me from the top bunk, throw me off of it. We had bunk bed >> kick underneath, >> dude. [ __ ] sucked. Getting your ass kicked, >> getting wedged. Dude, I uh >> I had a college roommate like uh I had a computer in my room. We always bunk beds. The bottom was the computer. The top was my bed. I would have to climb up and he'd just be like looking at porn while I'm sleeping on my computer.
[laughter] >> Under your bed?
>> Yeah.
>> Damn.
>> Yeah. I left like a weird >> looking at or using porn.
>> You using masturbating directly underneath you on your computer.
[laughter] >> Oh, you got cucked, >> dude. I was like, yo, bro. He cucked your Mac.
>> He was like out of jail. He was saying he was out of jail. I was like, yo, >> he was out of jail. Yeah, >> to college.
>> Yeah, >> prison to college pipeline. [laughter] >> That's a [ __ ] nice move. Day one of college. I just got out of jail.
>> Yeah, dude. [laughter] He definitely >> You're my [ __ ] roommate.
>> Where' you go?
>> I'm going to need that computer, [ __ ] >> Where'd you go to school?
>> Art Institute, right?
>> Yeah, the Art Institute of Philadelphia.
The Art Institute of Philadelphia.
>> And you're you had a Sy basically.
[laughter] >> S is a tough room. Yeah.
>> I thought you couldn't get funding for college if you went to jail.
>> It was a for-profit college, so they didn't really that [ __ ] didn't matter.
>> I just don't understand what you mean by for-profit college.
>> Yeah, I think they're all for >> like they were owned by Goldman Sachs, so there wasn't really like much like [ __ ] going back into the schools. Just making money off the school.
>> No, I I heard they won't give out student loans. That's the problem.
>> You'd have to get private loans.
>> Oh, okay. Yeah.
>> Maybe he had an maybe he was a kingpin.
>> Get a damn pill grant.
>> True.
>> So he he was your sell and he >> What was he in jail [laughter] for? Did you hold his >> Did you hold his pockets on the way to class?
>> No, dude. Never. [laughter] >> He warmed his Fifi.
>> I immediately left that room. I did.
>> What was his nickname?
>> I don't know. [laughter] I have >> a cool nickname.
>> I didn't talk to him.
>> I'm mad dog. I'm from jail. [laughter] >> You slept above. [ __ ] >> I slept above the first basically, dude.
>> First night he did it, I was like the next day I was like, "Please don't do that." Then he did it the next night and I was like, "Stop that." Then he did it again and [laughter] I moved out. I moved out the room.
>> Stop that. Was he a lotion man?
>> I don't I was You don't remember the sound?
>> I wasn't paying attention. I was just trying to like >> Yeah, but could you hear it?
>> No, I was I was turned over. I was trying to >> Were you closing your eyes?
>> You were next, dude. You were next.
[laughter] >> No way.
>> Yeah, you should have been thankfully got it out of his system.
>> Yeah, he was looking at Transport, too.
>> What?
>> Yeah. On X and XX. I remember cuz >> Oh, you were checking the uh >> the history. Yeah.
>> I thought you were top like that lady's voice is pretty deep down there. What are you doing? [laughter] >> Go back to sleep. Shut the [ __ ] up.
>> Holy [ __ ] >> Damn, dude.
>> Yeah, I didn't know what I just left. I couldn't [clears throat] do anything.
Just dead.
>> Did you request a room? Were you like, "Hey, I can't live with this guy. He's fapping [snorts] on my computer."
>> Uh, my friend had an open room. I just moved into his room.
>> Sanctuary. You're a refugee.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. Sanctuary. Yeah. [laughter] >> That's crazy.
>> Yeah.
>> You should have reported him to the police.
>> Why?
get him back in jail.
>> You can't you cannot masturbate. First of all, you can't masturbate on someone's computer.
>> If you're in a room with someone and someone else says, "Please stop >> and you're still like every night doing it in college."
>> Yeah, it was three nights in a row. I quit. I left after that.
>> Maybe he had a porn addiction. Maybe he victim here.
>> He also seemed pretty drunk all the time, too. It's pretty >> This guy rules. [laughter] Just get a hammer. Be like, "My [ __ ] roommate's a bitch."
>> He looked like Cheeto.
Cheeto verispanic gentleman.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Holy [ __ ] [laughter] This guy's terrified.
>> Yeah.
>> Holy [ __ ] >> Yeah.
>> Was he jacked? Would he have [ __ ] you up?
>> I don't know. I don't [laughter] remember.
>> You don't remember? All you remember seeing the top of his head, dude.
[laughter] >> I always remember seeing his face like twice >> and he looked like his face like >> [laughter] >> You can see it with the computer light.
>> I told you this before. We caught our my one roommate masturbating twice in one day.
>> Funniest thing in the world.
>> Tell me again. I'm >> It was the [ __ ] best, dude. We had a little We had this one place where it was like his room was right next to the kitchen. It was supposed to be like like a living room. So there was like a cutout from the kitchen to his room. And so like he he had like a poster over it where you could poke your head poke your head into his room. And the one morning we're like, yo, you walk into class and someone poked his head through his room and he's like [laughter] later that day we came back and like what the [ __ ] he up to open his thing?
He was like, [laughter] >> you got busted.
>> College is busted.
>> College is the time to whack, dude.
>> Danny Ryan got me. He opened the dorm room and it was just a direct line of sight to me just pleasuring hurting myself on my dorm room.
>> Did you say pleasuring herself?
>> No, hurting. I started to say pleasure and then I said I was hurting myself.
>> You realized you were hurting yourself?
>> I was abusing myself.
>> Massive dong, dude. That must have been [ __ ] offputting.
>> He laughed at me. He pointed and hit me with the Simpsons guy laugh. He's like >> and then he just closed the door.
I told you mine. My friend came home. I was the only one I thought at our house in summer class.
>> Yeah. I was doing summer classes and I was the only one in the our entire apartment and I had a desktop out in a living room ass naked. [snorts] Jerking jerking off clothes nowhere.
>> I think I was about to get in the shower and I was just like [ __ ] it. Fully naked, dude. Fully naked. And he came home and just sat on the couch >> and I was like, "Dude, get the [ __ ] out of here." And he just sat there. It was like [laughter] >> I was like, "You [ __ ] dude.
[ __ ] no.
>> What? No, I didn't keep going. He was sitting like from me to you >> and with you would be facing the other way.
>> Oh my god.
>> Spidey senses. [laughter] >> Dude, I'm reading a uh I'm reading a book right now about it's about dope. I think it's just about dopamine and how we're like overwhelmed with just like stuff to get addicted to. In the first chapter, they talk about a guy's masturbation machine. Dude, it was the the story is so [ __ ] funny. It's an Eastern European guy who was like poor and it was like him and his wife had they were on a waiting list to move into an apartment. It was 25 years. So like we had to live with my parents. So he started a computer business like I want to get my wife a house. Gets a house becomes so successful he moves from East Europe to like Germany. So he finds porn for the first time and these dude and before he had porn he was in Eastern Europe and he had rigged up a record player with a silk scarf and then like a metal like [snorts] like cage or something so that it would just go and he would use it and it would just he would edge himself into oblivion.
>> The silk scarf would rub against his dick >> when he lived with his sister. Yeah. He lived in an apartment with his sister before he met his wife and the silk scar scarf would rub his dick.
>> [ __ ] >> And he had this thing on loop and he would take it apart like never again. He put it [laughter] back together real quick.
And then he gets his wife. They have like a successful business. So he goes to Germany. He discovers porn. And he's like >> he said he's like, "Dude, it's they're like doing his accent. I could not stop touching my pennis." [laughter] >> He stays He's like, "I stay up all night to watch porns and I give a talk. No sleep. I don't have no talk. I stand there humiliated. I it was then like he loses that wife or no his wife that wife dies. So then he's like you know he's like [ __ ] up his job gets a new babe and they're like yo like keep me on the straight and narrow. Then they moved to [ __ ] San Francisco in Silicon Valley.
>> Oh no >> dude he ended up he started hitting the forums and he learn what do he learned about >> San Francisco gone wild >> right? He's on San Francisco going wild.
He learned about electric stimulation through like the forums. He was like go he was like into porn comments. He was as deep into point as you could possibly get. So he learned about electro stimulation. So he started using I forgot what he I forget what kind of machine he was turning it or he was like converting those machines to like run uh currents through his dick and he was coming from that and then he got he's like but then there could be big storm and >> Dr. Manhattan dude >> dude he was worried about surges.
>> Surge he's getting Dr. Manhattan.
[laughter] >> He's going to explode. So then he found these machines that like he could run on batteries and then he learned online cuz like he would like talk to other guys that did this and he learned how to program specific frequencies to like match to porn videos. So he'd hook the electros up and it would be like this one goes to that one and they would swap and share programs and he like this they you know his like wife has no idea. And then at one point he got so deep into it he started webcam modeling where he was [laughter] beating off strangers.
>> Oh no.
>> And then it gets it gets worse. And then he hooked up with a dominatrix who was controlling his electrodes from afar.
[laughter] >> Holy [ __ ] >> His wife found out and she didn't even know he watched porn [laughter] and he was just like, "What the [ __ ] are you doing?" He's like, "My wife was angry, so I tell her my online girlfriend no more. Now she's angry at me. I should just kill myself.
[laughter] >> Oh.
>> And then and then he couldn't stop. He'd break the machine and he would come back and make it.
>> You have to put it back together.
>> It's like my wife's therapist. Tell her to leave me. She leave me.
>> You have to >> I went to put the machine back together.
>> You got to put it back.
>> Just shocking his dog, dude. With his master.
>> I mean, if you figure out how to shock your dong into coming, that's got to be a Nobel Prize.
>> Well, the lady is Dude. Yeah, exactly.
>> That's pretty impressive.
>> Well, there's a community of guys apparently have that figured that out.
And they would set up. They're like, "Yo, try this." Ryan like Z. And then like Yeah, it's pretty nuts.
They're like They're like engineers, like computer engineers.
>> Disgusting brothers.
>> They are, [laughter] dude.
>> The actual, >> dude. Hit me like I'm shocking myself for strangers. And I feel guilty afterwards. But it is so exciting to have people watch me do it. It's so [ __ ] funny.
>> But yeah, the dude the dude encountered the NOG force in Europe and fell apart.
It was funny. That part of the book was making me laugh so [ __ ] hard.
>> That's awesome.
>> The scarf on a [ __ ] record player is so nice, dude.
>> That's a good move.
>> Yeah, man. The guy's a [ __ ] genius.
>> Yeah.
>> He really is a genius. He just fell into the nog, dude.
>> The dominatrix bird shocking. So [ __ ] funny. Just >> Oh, my girlfriend is really giving it to me now.
And she would just she would bring him to the brink and bring him down for like all day long.
>> What a [ __ ] >> All day long. She [ __ ] He'd be like, "Give me one more vault, babe.
>> One more vault.
>> Jolt me up."
>> Now, >> that's a tough That's That's a really hard thing to fall into, I would imagine.
>> Shocking your bird.
>> Being addicted to shocking your penis.
>> Yeah. Your pennis, dude.
>> Getting your pennis all [ __ ] up.
>> Yeah, it's pretty funny. Yeah. The lady who wrote the book was a therapist who fell into she was reading Twilights and she got like hooked to like erotic literature.
>> So, she like read the Twilight series four times. like the fourth time was nothing like the first and she started she got a Kindle.
>> Who is this person?
>> Oh [ __ ] What the hell is this lady's name?
>> Let me see if I can find it.
>> No, I mean it's in the same book.
>> This is Ann Lambbeck. Yeah, Ann Lambbeck's a doctor. She's a psychiatrist.
>> So it's the same book about people that are addicted to weird stuff to different stuff. Yeah.
>> Okay.
>> So she got addicted to [ __ ] uh they her girlfriend's like get a Kindle. She was like hiding like basically she's like it's like porn but she was like apparently women get super addicted to it. It's just them reliving that.
There's the girl meeting the guy like that first [ __ ] encounter. She's like it like I can't stop reading it. She like I have to build that thing up and then like live through them having the first encounter. Then she started like reading anything she should she could get and it started getting like more graphic. She had to [ __ ] go cold turkey off it. Dude, she's like I can't.
And she's like I started reading like about wizards and orcs. [laughter] It's so funny. But it lines up with what Peterson said that that's like women's top fantasy or like vampires and like >> I mean it's true.
>> Yeah. They >> It's [snorts] a brain glitch.
>> It's a brain glitch. If you give them like two people meeting for the first time and like finally kissing it's it's they can't it's a moth delight. That was her whole thing. She's like it was like hijack hijacking like my neurology.
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