Why Gay Men Feel Bad at the Gym (And How to Stop Comparing Yourself)

Added: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]Do gay men compare and despair at the gym? Yeah, I think so. Dear Ken, I've recently gotten more serious about fitness, which is a good thing. Yes.

[00:00:10]But, I've also noticed I'm becoming more critical of my body and comparing myself more to others. How do I improve myself without getting caught in that mindset?

[00:00:21]You've noticed you're becoming more critical of your body. So, that means you're using the occasion of going to the gym more as an opportunity to criticize yourself, which is really not a good thing. It going to the gym more is not supposed to be an opportunity to feel bad about yourself and to criticize yourself. It's supposed to be something that you're doing out of self-care that you grow from and that you enjoy and that's good for you. When you're doing comparison, you can either compare and use that as an excuse to feel bad about yourself, or you could use the compare as an inspiration and say, "Isn't that great that he's achieved that? How can I achieve that for myself?" Not in a jealous way or a resentful way, but in a inspirational way. Refocus on yourself.

[00:01:09]What can you do? Cuz really your the only competition is yourself, but even that you want to temper a little bit and you don't say, "Oh, I'll feel good about myself when I put an inch on my chest."

[00:01:21]Oh, wait, did I say an inch on my chest?

[00:01:23]I meant 2 inches. I'll feel good about myself when I put 2 inches on. You know, that's that's an endless frustration.

[00:01:29]Instead, you just say, "I'm doing this for me." And you try to have fun with it. Maybe you go with a workout partner or go to a gym where you feel comfortable. And that kind of consistency tends to work in the long term term.

[00:01:48]And the physical confidence is just part of your overall confidence that translates into sex or dating or career.

[00:01:57]If you have a question for me for the Dear Ken series, just leave your comment or send me an email or a text message and I'll try to answer that in a future segment.