When 'Lacing Up Your Boots' Destroys You... your body may be the bill.

[00:00:01]Now, most folks understand how hard it is to rebound from a betrayal.

[00:00:06]It typically leads to people giving up or surrendering.

[00:00:11]And I'm talking about a betrayal that's much worse than, say, somebody you invite into your life. Cuz those one those betrayals, they're a little easier to get over. You can push somebody out of your life. You can make adjustments and changes. And usually you can get over that relatively quick. However, when the Judas is the person that stares back at you from the mirror, it hits a little bit different.

[00:00:40]And that's where I am right now. Now, we've all heard the warnings growing up.

[00:00:44]Don't do that to yourself. You're going to regret it later. Well, I didn't understand what regret actually meant.

[00:00:51]They should have maybe defined it a little bit more because if what they meant was I would find myself scared and alone and uh sad all because of choices I made when I was younger coming back with revenge today.

[00:01:14]And it's been coming for a while. I've been noticing I've been noticing a lot of like the the injuries that I had growing up coming back. And I had a little bit of concerns over it, but I was always worried about that almighty dollar. And how far can I actually get?

[00:01:31]And I rejected and ignored all of those warnings. Well, I'm paying for it today dearly because I changed my entire life like a lot of people will do at this age in their life. They start making changes, things like that. Well, the change that I made required me to be able to perform certain tasks and duties. And that's where the fear comes in because now I'm concerned that I won't be able to perform my responsibilities based on injuries that I had when I was younger.

[00:02:05]And it's gotten so bad that I ended up having to see a doctor. And over the course of the last almost a year now, we finally got ourselves an answer on what's going on with Marcel. And these are the answers and the the same trials and tribulations a lot of people end up having to do because we all have to do it the same way. You end up with this injury, then you have to go into the system. And being somebody who tries to break away from the system and who believes and preaches trying to be less reliant on a system, I found myself now wondering if I'm going to have to give up my dream and become part of the machine.

[00:02:49]Well, for me that's a heck no.

[00:02:51]But it does mean a lot of things are going to have to change. Because I'm going to have to I'm going to have to have a a total shoulder replacement. And for for people that understand that, they already know what kind of limitations comes from that. But if you don't understand, I'm going to share with you right now. So, the truth is for a man, a a 20-lb lifetime limitation creates a pretty big obstacle. One that would be way better off if I didn't have to deal with it because 20-lb limitation for somebody who lives on a homestead is ridiculous.

[00:03:27]I live on a compound building a dream home.

[00:03:30]I don't even know what weighs less than 20 lb.

[00:03:33]For real. All of my duties require me to be able to perform better than that.

[00:03:40]But what I found over the course of the last couple of years is I can't perform anyways because well, I mean, it was brought to my attention that I don't have any more life left in this shoulder. And these things start to weigh on me a little bit because I was like, "Are you sure, doc?"

[00:04:00]Because I'm not ready to become part of a system. I'm not ready to have something done that's going to be life-changing completely. With You You really don't have a choice. It's not like I can convince my shoulder to be able to withstand more. I won't be able to do that. So, the obstacles that I'm I'm starting to be faced with are very concerning for me.

[00:04:25]And I'm not really sure where the answer is in this, but I know that giving up is not in my nature. So, this is going to be about trying to navigate a system that I do not trust and not not being willing to put down the torch, either.

[00:04:43]Because life's got to keep on going, like everybody.

[00:04:47]And we always all all heard the same like slogans growing up, all the bumper stickers, you feel me? Like uh when times get tough, you got to lace up your boots, things like that. You got to pick yourself up off the ground. Well, it turns out I might need a little bit of help with that.

[00:05:04]Right? So, it it is going to change a lot of things. I just have to figure out how to navigate those things because if you can't swing an axe, now I got to figure out a way to get wood. So, I've got a lot of obstacles going on that I'm not real clear where the the end is. I just know that spending a lifetime abusing myself to put into a system that ultimately you know, led to my betrayal, my most significant betrayal in my entire life, my body.

[00:05:45]Guys, this shoulder, I destroyed it.

[00:05:48]It's going to cost tens of thousands of dollars to fix a shoulder for a job that I got paid $11 an hour to do.

[00:05:58]And I know it's not a new story. We all do it. Make a minimum wage when we're younger and we do all that crazy stuff to impress, want to move up the ladder.

[00:06:10]Well, sometimes that stuff comes back to bite. And when you're at my age, 50, right? I'm assuming because this is new for me, but like I it's not it's not really looking how much further I get to climb that ladder. Now I'm I'm looking at life differently.

[00:06:32]Right? Cuz now I can kind of pretty much start seeing the end of certain things, especially a shoulder that has a 20-year lifespan. You know, a shelf life of 20 years. I'm 50 now, that's 70. That means I'm going to have to trust the system again in another 20 years if I don't mess it up.

[00:06:52]So I see why people quit. I see why people give up. Shoot, man, even to get the thing took me 8 months to get looked at.

[00:07:01]Right? To get it seen. And now to find out every single thing that can affect my life will. Even to even have the surgery, I have to do the impossible.

[00:07:13]I can't get bit by a bug in the woods on a 25-acre compound.

[00:07:19]If you guys have been following along for a little bit, you already know. We did take videos cuz I get bit from head to toe.

[00:07:25]And then they're going to implant some foreign object into my body that's plastic. Part of it is laser printed.

[00:07:34]They take that part out, but it's still it's foreign objects that they're going to put into my body and screw it in.

[00:07:41]And it's going to create limitations for me that that are scary.

[00:07:47]I I'm assuming it's scary for anybody that has to go through it because you worry more about what you're not going to be able to do. What is this going to take from me?

[00:07:58]And that's all I focused on this entire time.

[00:08:02]Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Let's build all of this up so that we can get there and then I'm I'm halfway there and I find out that I can't even go any further because it all gave up. I think the most important part of all of this is to remember that that even though I'm now going to be limited on what I can do, I still get to do it because I promise you what I've been experiencing has been horrific.

[00:08:31]Right? It stops me from wanting to do anything because I can't. I can't lift my arm up. Can't put it down.

[00:08:40]That's like That's like a dull blade on a freaking chainsaw, guys. You can go and go and go, but you know you're only breaking more things. Right? You're heating up your barn hour. Come up with any any type of a scenario you can come up with that's bad that gets worse. That's what's been going on with me. And the pain has been debilitating. And the limitations are so beyond significant that you have two choices. You either address it or you let it consume you. And the part that that usually happens is the consumption. People get consumed. And it's very very dangerous and scary to navigate the medical system and this new life that I'm going to have to navigate.

[00:09:27]Because what do you do? I don't trust them. But I'm going to let them cut me open. I have to stay in a hospital for 2 days. I don't even know how I'm I'm to pull this off. I have to come up with like 500 bucks so I can get my wife and my dogs up there. We don't know how we're going to do this or or is my wife going to stay here? How am I going to be able to perform my chicken duties the next day? I can't. All of a sudden, my wife is the man.

[00:09:53]Okay, she's not the man, but she's going to be the driving force of our family, which in all honesty, she has been for some years now. I actually watch my wife do things I know I should be doing.

[00:10:08]But when I do it, I'm done.

[00:10:12]And that's even worse.

[00:10:14]So, to get consumed is very easy. So, it's very important to stay on freaking point cuz the more I spend, the more time I spend focused on what I've lost, that was my shoulder, guys.

[00:10:30]>> [snorts] >> The more time I spend on what I have lost, the less time I'm spending on what I get. And this is what I get. I'm going to get a full night's sleep.

[00:10:39]Right?

[00:10:41]If this works out, and if I take care of it, I'm going to have a pain-free life for the next 20 years.

[00:10:50]You know, within reason.

[00:10:54]Right? But I'm going to be able to to gain back a lot of my life because having an arm, not having an arm, that's been my life anyways for the last years.

[00:11:05]It's been 10 years s- and it's been rapidly just going to wherever it's gone. My shoulder is gone.

[00:11:15]And for the last 10 years, I haven't been able to use it. What I didn't notice what I I was compensating with my left arm.

[00:11:22]You could probably look at me right now and see one of them is bigger than the other and I'm not left-handed.

[00:11:28]Try to throw a ball with your left hand.

[00:11:30]That's what my life is about to become.

[00:11:34]A left-handed throw.

[00:11:37]Yeah, it's going to look a little dumb most of the time.

[00:11:42]But whatever, nobody's looking anyways.

[00:11:45]Nobody cares about that. I've got myself and people do get themselves wrapped up into so much and so deep into what I'm going to lose that I've overlooked what I may possibly get.

[00:11:58]And trust in the medical system, I don't know what to say about that, guys. Here's what I've I've convinced myself. So, I have history, we'll say, with the medical industry, right? So, I have experiences, right?

[00:12:14]I've seen how people I've cared about started out having to take one medication, and then by the end, they have to take lots of medications, and the quality of their life has not gotten better, it's just worsened in a different way.

[00:12:31]Right? So, they fix one problem, but create another. And that is concerning for me because it's one thing to not be able to carry more than 20 lb with my new arm, but it's a completely different story if I'm if I'm one flew over a cuckoo's nest, if you understand what I'm talking about.

[00:12:49]And that's what it can do to you.

[00:12:52]It can steal everything to fix one thing. I don't want to become that.

[00:12:57]That can't be me. So, I told the doctor, I'm opposed to medication.

[00:13:02]I'll take what I have to, but that that promises something else.

[00:13:10]Now, I'm supposed to have pretty much uh a pain-free-ish life with my right shoulder after the surgery. It could come with some pains, obviously, but what I'm living now is a constant 8 to 10.

[00:13:24]Just depends on what I'm doing.

[00:13:28]That being said, my left shoulder is just as wrecked, my right knee is gone.

[00:13:33]What does a person do when they realize that AutoZone may just be the new spot for you? You're going to have to get this replaced, that replaced, all of them replaced, and navigate a system that you don't trust, and give up, and lose things that you had dreams about.

[00:13:50]It's a lot to carry.

[00:13:52]And I'm going to say something right now even though I know I have friends that are doing this on their own. I'm going to say that if anybody is even remotely interested in doing something like this, like a lot of people are, this exodus from the city, this new lifestyle, this self-reliant lifestyle, I want you to know without a shadow of a doubt from a person who is ex- experienced in the degradation of an ability to be able to to manage your own responsibilities, don't freaking do this on your own.

[00:14:24]I'm not telling you to go out there and bring in some weird people to help you, and I got stories behind that kind of stuff, guys. But that being said, doing it alone is the worst part.

[00:14:38]Because every now and again, my significant other, my beautiful wife, she'll spark something, and it reminds me, and I didn't find that myself, she sparked something, and it reminded me that I have goals, and that I have dreams, and that it's worth it, right? And that there's somebody else relying on me. And as scary as that sounds, I love it. I love to be able to be relied on. I want to protect and carry my beautiful wife, right? To the end.

[00:15:14]I'm probably going to have to do it with my left knee, cuz that's all I got left.

[00:15:18]Right? But at least we get to stand together, and I'm not doing it by myself. That's the scary part. You can get lost. That system will will consume you if you don't have somebody to navigate it with. Your other is going to see everything that's going on on the outside and it's going to help me and it has helped me. As a matter of fact, it's what convinced me to even trust the system. If you've been following along, you know I'm definitely opposed to the system and I push back on it all the time because I just simply don't trust it.

[00:15:51]But now I have to.

[00:15:53]Right? And I'm going to tell you that when I went into the doctor to get this seen, it was like going in to buy a new car.

[00:16:02]They were fast salesmen. Boom, boom, boom. I literally sat in the room for an hour.

[00:16:08]Then the guy came in and then 10 minutes was it in there for an hour by myself or with my wife?

[00:16:15]He came in and 10 minutes she was gone.

[00:16:17]I was by myself. I agreed to a surgery.

[00:16:23]That's why you don't do it yourself.

[00:16:24]Your wife might talk you out of it. Nah, she was on board for it, guys, because she has to suffer as a result of it and I'm not talking about her having to carry that 5-gallon bucket. I'm talking about a significant other seeing their loved one in pain and suffering and knowing that it's not just physical, it's emotional and mental and all these things that we can get hung up on and that's where the problem lies. So today we're going to stand up, we're going to realize that a a a a surgery shoulder is a blessing and an opportunity to continue a little bit of of uh like I don't know, comfort in life over the next few years because that's what it's going to offer. So I'm not going to drag this one on because I'm still learning how to tell a story, but what I want to say, the most important part of this is the resilience and that personal resilience is ultimately the key. If you can't do it yourself, right? If you can't convince yourself to do it yourself, then nobody else is going to be able to do that. But if you're there, that other person is going to help lift you up. So, don't do it by yourself if you don't have to. If you choose to do that, just know that there's a little bit extra you're going to have to carry on your own on those those hardest times, right? That being said, we can all stand up still.

[00:17:44]There's something better, no matter what. And the other part is the system, right? When you're going in to have life-altering surgeries or whatever it is, right? In a system that can that can misdiagnose a tick-borne illness by 11,000%?

[00:18:11]It makes it very scary, right? But there is ways that we can research. And And you know, the research is based on how much you're willing to do and your ability to comprehend who's telling you the good news, right? If you're at the car dealership, the the dealer is going to tell you how great the car really is.

[00:18:31]But if you could talk to the previous owner, you get a little better picture.

[00:18:37]You feel me? So, that's what it comes down to. You want to find people that have gone through whatever you may be going through so that you know the true outcome. And who cares about all the wonderful things at that point in time cuz you expect them all, right? We're trying to make sure that we're not getting hung up on all the horrible things. And that's what we're going to stay glued to. Now, you guys, I'm going to keep telling all of our weird stories, whatever it may be, whether it's a town standing up for itself or a tick bite or who knows what. But I'm going to take you guys along for this one as well because I believe it's part of that journey that that we all end up a part of. Some of you is are rock stars and you blessed because you you took care of yourself and you reaping the rewards today. And you I even know some some of you suckers that didn't take care of yourself and you still kicking butt.

[00:19:32]But some of us man, we did something wrong along the way. It doesn't mean it's the end, right? So let's figure it out. We're going to figure it out together. I'm going to share it with you.

[00:19:43]Keep you updated on the surgery, things like that.

[00:19:46]We got a lot of things we trying to navigate like how do we do this? These are things you never think about when you entering into a life like we entered into. It's two of us out here in rural America. I have to drive an hour away to get this surgery. Got a hundred chickens, well 60 some chickens now.

[00:20:07]And pets and things like that and a car with no air condition. And it creates a lot of freaking problems, especially when you have a wife that doesn't like to drive. And all of a sudden we've got this mountain of things that we have to figure out and at the same time I got to process the fact that they're about to pull parts out and put new parts in. I'm going to be like Universal Soldier or whatever.

[00:20:32]Uh Terminator. You feel me? Maybe not.

[00:20:38]20 pounds don't make me no Terminator, I guess.

[00:20:41]Anyways, it's going to be interesting, guys.

[00:20:45]I'm going to wrap this one up here because I've carried it on long enough.

[00:20:48]If you guys are enjoying this content, make sure you give me a thumbs up and hit that notification bell because you're going to want to know that I have not lost my mind before the next video, right? And share this video because somebody else needs to hear this, yeah?

[00:21:00]And if not, at least it helps me. And if and if you share it, it'll make my shoulder heal faster.

[00:21:10]Maybe, you never know.

[00:21:12]Right? And subscribe. Let me know where you're at because I might need to call you and have you help me carry something up the stairs.

[00:21:20]All right, guys. Thanks for hanging out with us. We'll see you on the next one.

[00:21:25]And peace.

[00:21:27]>> Builds piled higher, but faith ran deeper. [music and singing] She was the dreamer.

[00:21:33]He the [music and singing] believer.