No matter how much I socialize I still can’t get close to anyone

Added: 2026-05-26

[00:00:00]How are we even supposed to connect with people when when it feels like everyone in this world is traumatized? Because do you know how hard it is to find someone who is healed or does not have any trauma in their life?

[00:00:18]Like I believe that almost everyone is traumatized and traumatized people hurt other people. So, we're all just trying to constantly protect ourselves and walking around with our different shields just to not like get hurt again.

[00:00:42]So, of course, it's impossible to connect with someone who is constantly shielding themselves and then you walk around and constantly thinking about what you should say instead of actually like listening to the other person and taking in what they say and trying to build a deeper bond.

[00:01:09]Like it's it's impossible.

[00:01:12]So, it feels like it's impossible to actually get real friends and real connections nowadays.

[00:01:22]Or is it just me who feels like this or am I just too pessimistic? I don't know.

[00:01:28]Or too realistic?

[00:01:32]Because I used to think that it was it was so easy, you know? Because when we were children, it was you just talk to someone and all of a sudden you were friends.

[00:01:43]But then we didn't have all of these masks and performances. So, we all just need to be like our child self again.

[00:01:54]We need to just embrace the child in us.

[00:01:57]But it is so hard to do when we feel like we have so much to lose.

[00:02:03]But what do we have to lose?

[00:02:07]If someone doesn't like you, it doesn't change anything.

[00:02:13]You still have a day tomorrow and the day after that.

[00:02:18]If you are lucky to to continue to live, but you know what I mean. You still have your job, you still have your hair, you still have your home.

[00:02:33]If someone doesn't like you, your life won't get up into flames like we think it will. You won't die.

[00:02:42]But everyone is so scared.

[00:02:45]Everyone is so scared of social rejection, including me, of course.

[00:02:51]Um But yeah, that's the thing that is holding us back. We are too afraid to even try to speak to people.

[00:03:03]We are too afraid to even make eye contact nowadays.

[00:03:10]And even though like I'm not staying at home all day.

[00:03:17]I do get around people. I I go to the gym.

[00:03:21]I even when I work, you know, it it's so hard to connect to people because it feels like everyone is keeping everyone is holding themselves back.

[00:03:35]And we are we're not connecting with people. We are connecting with their mask.

[00:03:46]So you it feels like you never really truly know someone. You only know their mask and what they want to show to you.

[00:03:56]So, you know, socializing feels like a performance all the time.

[00:04:04]And you know that both of you are performing.

[00:04:10]So, you just get constantly exhausted and that makes me want to avoid socializing.

[00:04:18]Because why should I put down all my energy when and waste it when I want to put it on something else, like building my future or you know, doing something else with my life.

[00:04:36]But I feel like there is something missing within me if I don't have connection.

[00:04:46]And it feels like I have become too good at surviving because when when you grow up and feeling like you have to be someone else in order to be liked, you don't really you lose yourself because you try to please everyone else. So, you know, you adapt your personality, you adapt your humor and everything that you say and your opinions.

[00:05:22]So, you lose a part of who you are and you you forget what you truly are.

[00:05:30]So, that becomes even more difficult to to show up in the world as your true self because you don't even know who you are.

[00:05:41]So, that has become my social script.

[00:05:47]Because I know exactly what to say when I meet new people. I know exactly what to answer and I know exactly how to be polite and you know, follow these societal standards, but like when I need to take it further and actually get to know the person, I get extremely scared and just want to avoid everyone and just run away.

[00:06:15]So, I think of all of the ways that I can escape the situation and avoid the person that I'm talking to.

[00:06:25]So, I have just become too good at surviving.

[00:06:30]But now it it might have served me back in the days, but now I'm feeling the effect of it and it doesn't serve me anymore.

[00:06:42]So, now I have to reconstruct my whole life and my whole belief system and it it's stressful.

[00:06:51]Because you feel you feel so lost and you feel like you don't know what you're doing, you know? You feel like everything you have done up to this point is wrong and all of the choices you have made you're you're starting to question all of the choices that you have made.

[00:07:11]So, yeah, and I always like scan people when when I'm talking to people, I scan them and look for judgment, I have realized.

[00:07:27]I look for judgment so I can get a a reason to escape and a reason to not having to build a deeper connection.

[00:07:39]And I want to prevent feeling rejected.

[00:07:44]So, that's why I use my hypervigilance to to protect myself. And that's exhausting as well.

[00:07:56]Because when you're constantly scanning the room and scanning the people you're talking to, you're not being yourself. You're not being present and you're not being here with the person. So, of course it's impossible to to truly get to know them and they will feel that you are not being you.

[00:08:23]People are very good at sensing like intentions and performances.

[00:08:34]And yeah, but the thing is that true intimacy involves you know, the risk of being rejected.

[00:08:48]And that is what we all struggle with.

[00:08:54]And we need to we need to accept in ourselves that no matter what happens, no matter if if we get rejected or if they laugh at us or if they think that you know, we're stupid or unlikable, we will still be here and we will still be the same person.

[00:09:18]But in order for us to actually accept ourselves, we need to get to know who we truly are.

[00:09:31]And that is also why I have chosen to be alone so much because I I realized that I I can't just go on and pretend to be someone that I'm not.

[00:09:52]That was also hurting me and not serving me. So, I I think I needed some space alone to like figure out who I am.

[00:10:06]And I guess that also was a type of shield that I used or like excuse.

[00:10:15]Because now that I I know more about myself, I know more of my values and my what I need in life, you know?

[00:10:26]But I'm still not taking action. So, it's some kind of belief that I have of myself that is holding me back and that is not serving me.

[00:10:39]But it's so hard to to see those things when when that's all you know.

[00:10:49]But I think the only way out is to actually like get out there but not not get out there and try to speak to everyone.

[00:11:03]Because it's not the quantity that matters, it's the depth.

[00:11:08]So, you need to you need to be willing of letting them see the real you and that is the scary part.

[00:11:20]The scary part is isn't just to initiate conversation, it's to letting them actually get to know you.

[00:11:28]So, we aren't incapable of connection.

[00:11:34]We're just too good at self-defense, and we have to realize that it doesn't serve us anymore.

[00:11:43]So, you don't have to connect to everybody.

[00:11:48]You can just start with one person, and the most important person is yourself.

[00:11:55]At least connect with yourself.

[00:11:59]Because then you won't feel as scared of letting other people see you.

[00:12:06]So, it's not it's not a higher volume of people in your life that you need. It's it's a higher volume of truth in your life.

[00:12:20]So, you know, stop collecting acquaintances, but rather start risking being seen.

[00:12:31]And it's hard It's scary to drop the act and letting people see that you that you have flaws, and that you are struggling in some kind of way in your life, but the real people will see you and your qualities and your values, and they will appreciate that.

[00:12:54]And by opening up about who you truly are, you will you will attract the right people for you, and the people that you need right now in your life. So, we need to stop performing and let people see us mess up.

[00:13:14]That's That's my thoughts about this.

[00:13:17]How do you see like the way out of this? Or let me know your, you know, story about what you have been going through.

[00:13:29]It truly helps me and I'm sure that it will help someone else in the comments.

[00:13:34]So, please share it because it deserves to be heard.

[00:13:38]And like and subscribe and I will see you next time. Bye.