COOKIE CLICKER IS DEAD AND I KILLED IT

Added: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]I have been playing Cookie Clicker for 2 years. Today I end it. I have five achievements left and I'm starting with last chance to see defeat a shiny wrinkler. At my current rate, this will take me another 8 years.

[00:00:19]I need to focus all of my energy on Cookie Clicker. So, I've traveled to a Japanese snow forest to be alone. As for this achievement, a shiny wrinkler has a 1 in 10,000 chance of spawning instead of a regular wrinkler. Regular wrinklers spawn every couple of minutes to eat my cookies. And in my play time of 5,000 hours, I've only killed 2,000 wrinklers.

[00:00:40]I need to find a faster method. So, I delved into the Cookie Clicker Wiki and found this equation. It shows that killing wrinklers as soon as they spawn makes the next one spawn faster. I delved deeper into the research and I discovered that one of the gods in Cookie Clicker, Scuria, boosts wrinkler spawn rate by 150%. I did more research.

[00:01:03]I found that the cookie dragon can emit an aura that gives me more wrinklers.

[00:01:08]But to unlock the aura, I need to feed my dragon 100 clones of myself. A while ago, I created a cloning facility so I can make more of me to bake more cookies. The only problem is I don't know if I'm the original or just a clone. This is why the genre of Cookie Clicker is horror. With these strategies combined, instead of 8 years, the shiny wrinkler should spawn sometime in the next 10 months. So, while I kill them, I will also work on achievement two.

[00:01:36]Patently genius. Reach level 10 factories. My factories are currently level zero. It costs one sugar lump to get them to level one, then two sugar lumps for level two. In total, level 10 costs 55 sugar lumps. And one sugar lump grows every 24 hours. So, it takes 55 days to get level 10 factories. And I've been playing for over 700 days. So, why don't I have this yet? Because actually, I need to get all 20 buildings in the game to level 10, not just factories. I currently have 14 level 10 buildings. I need six more. Times 55 is 330 sugar lumps. I don't really want to wait 330 more days. So, I delved into the research. Oh god, no. There is one thing that would get me sugar lumps much faster. The Cookie Clicker Garden. Here you can plant seeds that have a chance of mutating into new seeds. Once you've collected all 34 seeds, you can sacrifice them for 10 sugar lumps. I've done this process once before, and it WENT LIKE THIS. NO.

[00:02:42]>> WHAT [ __ ] MADE THIS GAME?

[00:02:44]48 DAYS OF FARMING.

[00:02:46]>> I DON'T WANT to do all that again. But each sacrifice skips 10 days of progression to the achievement. So I have to grow all 34 seeds again.

[00:02:57]I start with only a baker's wheat seed.

[00:02:59]I can place it anywhere on this 6x6 grid and it ticks every 5 minutes. After five ticks, the wheat matures and now has a 5% chance to mutate with itself, creating a thumb core. You then keep combining different plants using these simple flowcharts. All while I am constantly killing wrinkles. One of you be shiny, please. Kept farming and discovering plants. But at this point, I had Cookie Clicker open for 59 hours and it's broken. Unsaved game data may be lost. If I lose my 5,000 hour save file, I will cry. Okay, it worked. So, I have to keep playing, so I will cry. But I've got the hang of gardening and wrinkly killing at the same time. I can talk about the third achievement. Mard reaction. Harvest a caramelized sugar lump. We know that sugar lumps grow every 24 hours, but there is a one in 100 chance of a sugar lump spawning as caramelized, giving extra sugar lumps.

[00:03:52]The only way to get this is complete random chance. I might get every other achievement in the game and just get unlucky and never get this one. But instead of complaining, I will just focus on achievement four. Obtain the golden sugar lum. This is a one in a thousand random chance. Now I'm going to complain. After all this hard work, I am just relying on random luck to finish the game. Whatever. I'll just focus on gardening. I finally grew the queen beat, which means now I need to place eight of them in a circle. Then in 3 hours, they will be mature. Then every 5 minutes, they have a 0.1% chance of growing a juicy queenbe in the center.

[00:04:29]Then after 1 hour, they die. So, I have to replant them and try again until I get the juicy. This left me no time to do anything else with my life. Hey man, want to go to the beach? Now, bro, I got to replant my queen beats in Cookie Clicker to optimize juicy chance to get the sugar lumps for the level 10 achievements. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I lost all my friends a long time ago. I think I need help. Not from a therapist, but from the Cookie Clicker Discord. I asked the expert Cookie Clickers how I can farm the garden even faster. Phil told me I should stop sleeping 8 hours a night. Instead, I should sleep in two 4-hour shifts in order to have an extra generation of juicy queenbe chances. I started sleeping 4 hours, replanting, then sleeping four more, all while clicking wrinklers. I continued this for 5 days and nights until finally I got a golden sugar lock. I was kind of hoping that would happen at the very end for a crazy reveal. Well, only four achievements left. And after that insane luck and only three more generations of queen meat, I got the juicy. Now it takes 3 days for that to mature before I can collect the seed. So I practiced some mindfulness techniques while I waited.

[00:05:39]>> I started getting supportive messages from old friends. By the way, you are a sicko. The juicy queen beat grew and I have all 34 seeds. I sacrificed all of them for 10 sugar lumps. Back to one seed. According to my calculations, it will take nine more garden sacrifices over around four months to get all 330 sugar lumps. So, 11 sacrifices total.

[00:06:04]I understand the graphs now. I started eating cookies for every meal. I clicked wrinklers. I got the caramelized sugar lamp. Only three achievements left. I'm getting a little emotional over this cookie game. It's taken me so long. And I've avoided cheating this entire time, unlike everyone else. But I'll get to that later. Wait, something happened.

[00:06:23]It's there. The shiny wrinkler. Finally.

[00:06:26]I had to click it nine times to kill it and got the achievement. I am two achievements left this time. It only took me 8 days to get the full sacrifice. I'm getting more efficient.

[00:06:38]Someone sent me a video. The thumbnail makes me really trust this video. Oh, it's a tutorial on how to properly grow all garden plants as fast as possible.

[00:06:47]And it's made by the guy who told me to sleep in two 4-hour shifts. So, I really trust this video. I learned complex techniques. I can farm for five different seeds at once. His entire screen is queen beats. With this, I can do a garden sacrifice in under a week.

[00:07:03]Oh, more messages from supportive people. This is not worth it. Come home, please. Maybe I should stop.

[00:07:12]Yes, I got tidy grass. I wonder what real grass feels like.

[00:07:18]I'd like to shout out everyone who has supported me on this journey.

[00:07:23]Someone sent me a video, The Absurd Lore of Cookie Clicker. Wait, it says it was inspired by me. I should not be an inspiration for anyone. I've been staring at fake plants for 2 months.

[00:07:35]I can't handle this anymore. I don't want to do it. I need to find a way to stop playing this somehow. Okay, I created a poll for my audience so they can tell me to play something else. Do you want me to play Cookie Clicker, Minecraft, Balloons, or something else?

[00:07:50]Choose something else. Anything else?

[00:07:52]They all chose Cookie Clicker. Okay, wait. Silk Song came out. I created another poll. Surely they want me to play Silk Song instead. Nope. It's always I have discovered a video. I 100%ed Cookie Clicker. How did he finish it?

[00:08:08]I'm struggling so much. Wow, there's actually quite a few videos of people completing the game. Look, I can't be mad. I have to be the bigger man and congratulate them. I admit it. You really are a cheating bastard. You see, one of these people used the web version of Cookie Clicker, which is allowed, but after each tick of the garden, they refreshed the page instantly, getting another chance at the mutation. This is called save scumming, and it makes getting plant seeds about a 100 times faster. Others used for planner to predict future golden cookie rewards.

[00:08:43]And look, you can play Cookie Clicker however you want. I won't get mad, but if you use these techniques, you'll be banned from the competitive leaderboards. I promise to get all achievements within the competitive rule set without cheating at all. I don't judge all these people who play in different ways without integrity. But I'm doing this right or I'm not doing it at all.

[00:09:06]This is it. It's been 4 months of my real life. I sacrificed the garden and went level 10. Level 10. Level 10. I have all 20 level 10 achievements. And you can see I literally have one achievement left. No more secret achievements. No more luck achievements.

[00:09:27]Just seven horseshoes. Click 27,777 golden cookies. This one achievement is the reason I haven't posted a Cookie Clicker video in over a year. So, let's talk golden cookies. Normally, a golden cookie spawns once every 10 minutes that I can click. During my play time, I've gotten 11,000 golden cookies, so I need 16,000 more. If I wait 10 minutes for each one, it'll take me 192 days straight without sleep. Luckily, the Cookie Cookie Discord has discovered three strategies of getting golden cookies faster. The first is banned in competitive. The second one is also banned. The third one is called chain lengthening. Let me teach you how to lengthen your chain. The purpose of golden cookies is to give you a random buff. And one possible buff is called cookie chain. Cookie chain spawns another golden cookie that gives you regular cookies. Then another golden cookie giving even more regular cookies.

[00:10:23]The chain ends when the rewarded cookies are greater than your current total cookies. This means the chains are usually seven long. So, you get seven golden cookie clicks towards the achievement, every cookie chain. But the Discord figured something out. If your starting cookies are quite low, then you produce tons of cookies during the chain. You can lengthen the chain to over 30 golden cookies. To achieve this, I can first ascend, getting my cookies back to zero. Now, to get the first golden cookie to start the chain, I need to use the dragon. Just like me feeding my dragon clones of myself, if I feed my dragon 100 parallel universes, I unlock the dragon orbs aura, which makes selling any building instantly spawn a golden cookie. This doesn't count towards the achievement since it was caused by the dragon. But it still has a chance to give me the cookie chain buff, a 6% chance. So 94% of the time, I have to reasscend and try again. But when that 6% happens, I buy hundreds of buildings to generate octoilions of cookies. Over the next 2 minutes, 34 golden cookies will spawn in the chain.

[00:11:29]So, the process is basically just ascend, confirm, reincarnate, buy heavenly upgrades, buy every building 100 times, feed the world to my dragon, sell, get a cookie chain, click until my fingers bleed, collect golden cookies, and do it all again. I can do this repeatedly to get all 27,777 golden cookies. It'll take approximately 100 hours of clicking. But there is one thing I can do to increase my chances of getting the cookie chain above 6%. To understand that, we have to talk about the cookie apocalypse. When you start the game, you get messages from the news. Your cookies are popular in the neighborhood. New cookie based religion sweeps the nation.

[00:12:09]>> Where nice grandmas. Oh, the grandmas are communicating via the news.

[00:12:14]>> We rise.

[00:12:15]>> The grandmas started getting angry at me. The more cookies I made, the scarier things they said. It'll all be over soon. And the scarier they looked.

[00:12:23]Grandmas, they all had names. But Vera kept appearing. Multiple Vera. She is their leader. She sent the wrinklers to take my cookies. And during the grandma apocalypse, my golden cookies turned into wrath cookies. They still count towards golden cookie clicks, but they have a chance of giving debuffs instead of buffs. And since the chances of their buffs and debuffs are altered, they happen to have a higher chance of giving cookie chain. And I can force all golden cookies to be wrath cookies by worshiping Scuria. Instead of a measly 6% chance of cookie chain, I now get an 8% chance. So that's all right. So let's get started. Click, click, click, click, click. Dragon or cell worship gura.

[00:13:08]Golden cookie ruin. Cookie chain. Buy everything. 1 2 3 4. Hey, it's been a while. I've really been grinding this. I have 18,000 golden cookies. At this point, I only need to do this for another 50 hours straight. Uh, but I'm I'm still getting sleep in 4 hours shift. Wait. Click. Chain. Chain. Ruin.

[00:13:30]Oh, and also every time I click a cookie in the chain, there is a 1% chance the chain just randomly ends. The genre of Cookie Clicker is horror.

[00:13:42]This is mind-numbing. I just want to stop. People keep asking me, why don't I just cheat this part? I can just edit the number of golden cookies in my save file and stop going through this mindless clicking. I will tell you exactly why I haven't cheated. But to explain, we have to go back to 1941 and the Nazi siege of Lenengrad. During Hitler's siege, hundreds of thousands died of starvation. But the residents didn't know there was a stash of thousands of seeds, potatoes, rice, nuts, and cereal beneath the city. All because a young botist, Nikolai Vavalov, had spent his life building a seed collection to prevent future famines.

[00:14:20]Babalov was eventually captured by the Russians and killed, but his team of scientists looked after the collection, believing humanity would one day rely on the preservation of these foods. They were so dedicated to protecting humanity's future that in the end, surrounded by hundreds of thousands of seeds and potatoes. Nine of the scientists died of starvation. One of the starving scientists said, "It was hard to walk. It was unbearably hard to get up every morning, but it was not in the least difficult to refrain from eating up the collection, for it was impossible to think of. It was your life's work. And in Cookie Clicker, it is unbearably hard to keep clicking for 12 hours each day. But it is not in the least bit difficult to refrain from cheating. That is impossible to think of. If I continue clicking, I might lose my sanity. But if I cheat, I will lose my soul.

[00:15:14]Hey man, I've got some bad news. There's going to be a new update to Cookie Clicker. Wait, no. The last time this happened, they added more achievements.

[00:15:21]I have to finish it before that happened. No more sleep. Just clicking.

[00:15:26]25,000 golden cookies. I'm almost done.

[00:15:30]I can't believe it. I'm going to finish the game. Thank you everyone for watching. Wait, no. My computer is breaking. Something's stopping me from winning. I collapsed in exhaustion. My mind flooded to what I've been through and to what my clones have been through.

[00:15:44]My cloning machine made Daton, Drathoon, Drafoon, and all of the Draxons. They all failed at completing Cookie Clicker.

[00:15:53]We were all stopped by Drazeroon, the original. After giving up on Cookie Clicker, Drazeron has spent their long life stopping all other clones from beating it in jealousy. Draxon was stabbed. Dry 740 oon was shot. Dry 674 trillion oon died of a broken heart. I have lied to you about one thing. I know that I'm not the original. I am Draon.

[00:16:21]The G stands for Google or 10 to the power of 100. I am the 10 duo tragillionth dragoon clone. And I am against the same threat as every other clone. D zero own corrupted by his greed and jealousy grew evil and old. He grew to bearer and I finally know how to win. All the other Draxon clones tried to do something smart and beater. But I see now instead of doing everything perfectly, the only thing that matters is something I don't do. No matter how dumb or weak or slow I am, I will eventually win if I just don't.

[00:17:10]I am one cookie chain away. I decided to live stream the final clicks. 30 cookies left. 2015 27,776 27,77 I have been playing Cookie Dicker for 3 years. Today I end it. I am the Cookie Clicker.