Feeling Like Time Is Moving Too Fast? Mandy Patinkin & Kathryn Grody

Hinzugefügt: 2026-05-15

[00:00:00]Ever feel like you're behind in your own life? Today on Don't Listen to Us. How do you deal with feeling like time is going too fast? I'll be 35 later this year and it feels like it was only a minute ago that I was in my 20s. It feels like everything's going too fast and I'm never going to catch up or I'm going to run out before I can do anything important. Any advice? You feel old at 35? I'm here to tell you how freaking young you are. I didn't do half the things that have been important to me or even discover I wanted to do them until I was in my 40s.

[00:00:30]>> And a perspective shift you might not expect.

[00:00:35]>> luxuriate in thinking about time. You just need to live every second, every minute. And a birthday moment that turns into something unforgettable.

[00:00:50]We're so glad you [singing] were born.

[00:00:55]Coming up on Don't Listen to Us.

[00:00:59]All right, here's a new toy that I don't know how you turn it on. Mandy got for the family. It's a ball that It's a ball that Okay, there you go. It supposedly comes back to you. It doesn't do that, honey. I think it's false advertising.

[00:01:12]No, it's an invention trying to reinvent the ball, which also comes back to you if you throw it up.

[00:01:17]>> Yeah, that's right. I don't know how to do it. No, that.

[00:01:21]Yeah, there you >> Okay. And okay.

[00:01:23]>> All right, turn it off. Okay. Turn it off.

[00:01:25]No, now I got to go get it.

[00:01:27]>> No, it turns off on its own.

[00:01:30]Turns off.

[00:01:30]>> Uh-oh, I've upset the father. I've upset [laughter] the father at the top of the episode. I don't like wasting batteries. Okay.

[00:01:38]>> There's no batteries. Yeah, did you hear about Nigeria and how Oh, it's trying >> everybody there is getting killed by recycling uh all the lead batteries.

[00:01:48]>> Why do you go to that place? I didn't just remember that.

[00:01:51]>> have a nice morning talk about what did you have for breakfast? You want to talk about politics more.

[00:01:56]When was that?

[00:01:57]>> [laughter] >> What day was that? Really? What what day did I say that? [ __ ] Right. Oh boy. I want to talk about fashion for a minute.

[00:02:04]>> Thank you.

[00:02:05]>> Oh, it's great idea.

[00:02:07]>> [laughter] >> Mom, you've had so many outfits on this show. Every time you have a different outfit.

[00:02:12]>> Yeah. And Dad, I I think you really seem to like this shirt.

[00:02:17]It's a it's a Columbia green hiking shirt. Wicks away the sweat.

[00:02:22]>> I have a few of them. Some are Columbia, some are not.

[00:02:25]But you like a shirt that is practical, wicks away the sweat, and and is good for a hike even when you're not hiking anytime soon, right?

[00:02:33]>> Hike-y, comfy, cozy. Hike-y, comfy, cozy. And Mom, you like >> I like costumes. I like expressing myself. Also, when you're older, you really have to pay attention to grooming to be taken at all seriously.

[00:02:47]>> that in mind for when you get older.

[00:02:49]Thank you, hon. But I find it also very amusing, kid, because I didn't know I don't know if anybody notices I wear different thing on every episode, and Dad wears the same thing. That was amusing to me.

[00:03:00]>> I mean, they might notice it now that we're talking about it.

[00:03:03]>> Yeah. I just want to be clear I don't wear the same shirt every time. I have four of these. Yeah.

[00:03:07]>> Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're a you're a hygienic individual.

[00:03:10]>> No, he's he's obsessed. And a clean handkerchief. Is that your life motto?

[00:03:14]That's what this show should be called.

[00:03:16]>> Wait, what's the full title of the show?

[00:03:17]Just the title? Clean underwear and a fresh handkerchief every day. Wow.

[00:03:23]>> Drops every Wednesday. That's the title.

[00:03:24]>> Well, you're included. I think that's a really catchy title.

[00:03:27]>> I think clean underwear I think bring the people in.

[00:03:30]I I have a gift for this. I I do have a question that I think we've all been confronted with in this time with this lunatic in office, which is how do you how do you balance continuing to speak out for what you think is right and continuing to speak out for people who have less power, and support them and and call insanity out when it's dangerous and hurtful and destructive when you also feel the potential danger to yourself Yeah. increase. I know I know you guys and especially Dad at times has been frightened of government or crazy people, you know, coming after us or you.

[00:04:14]>> But not frightened of speaking out.

[00:04:16]That's part of my question. Let me just ask ask it, which is you know I think for a long time we felt as a target we were the very far away because who cares about, you know, men who are taking to speaking out. There's people who are louder and more famous and more powerful.

[00:04:34]But a little more at this day and age with Trump, it's just like whoever seems to come under his radar and he's upset with. Yeah. It's like anyone who's speaking out against him feels a little more threatened. It's not just famous people. That could be some No, it's somebody with the whistle with ice.

[00:04:54]>> Yes, who has an who has an account online. And so I think we all feel a collective increase in our fear or anxiety about being targeted by a madman. And I'm curious how you guys balance that fear [clears throat] or anxiety with potentially being in the crosshairs of a lunatic while continuing to uphold your values and do what you think is right.

[00:05:23]And do you want to go first, my dear?

[00:05:25]Sure.

[00:05:27]I I really until very recently did not feel we were a target cuz I felt we were pretty benign even though we're passionate about our values. But the world's gotten so crazy.

[00:05:42]It is a little more concerning. And it's funny cuz I think of all my life admiring people in fascist and authoritarian regimes that have stood for something, that have risked things, that have gone to prison. Do you know, that have lost pu- pu- family members. I've always admired that. Starting with, you know, the Vietnamese, you know, and their passion for what was right for their country. But I never thought I'd be in a position where that would maybe be a possibility.

[00:06:17]I mean I think nobody does who hasn't experienced it in their country until it Yeah. Yeah.

[00:06:23]Yeah.

[00:06:23]>> Um I I just think I get my encouragement by what everybody's doing, the activism from ordinary people. Yeah. And I really read about that every day. Yeah. And I get so comforted by that and encouraged. I feel we're in great company. I cannot believe what people are doing in little cities and towns. People are waking up. You know, people are waking up to what's illegal and what's horrible and what's inhumane. And I don't know what happened to all the people in this government. I don't know how Hegseth was raised or Miller or anybody to have such grotesque cold hearts. You know, I don't get it.

[00:07:08]>> you know, and It's power, but something happened when they were children that I'd be really curious about. I'd like somebody to do a study on each one of those people's childhoods and see if there's a common denominator. But anyway, >> we should do that study on this show.

[00:07:20]>> Okay. Uh first of all, I really am grateful and highly respect any individual in our country who chooses to run for political office because they put their lives uh in in the crosshairs of anybody who disagrees with them. It is a time when political violence is happening and it is a horror uh and it must stop. I have had a very privileged life. I am number one an entertainer. That is what I do. I am also a word that David Miliband loves that I coined myself as I am a humanitarian. I care about humanity. I care about the most vulnerable in the world who are being taken advantage of, discarded, deported, killed, murdered, imprisoned, and not treated according to the laws of our country, our constitution, and our government. That simply must stop. There are individuals who will be running in '26 and in '28 and probably some other elections along the way in between.

[00:08:25]Those are people I will spend my time and precious life in and energy to support and get out the vote to get those people elected. I don't have time to worry about hatred toward me from other people. I know that there are within the Jewish community alone because of my stance on wanting a two-state solution, believing that it can happen one day if the will is there among the people. You can get to the moon, you can figure that out.

[00:08:57]You don't want to figure it out, then you won't figure it out and blood will keep shedding. And and what do you do for it?

[00:09:05]>> like I'm in trouble.

[00:09:06]No, [laughter] you're not in trouble.

[00:09:08]You know, it's interesting. I wake up and have the privilege of making myself a healthy breakfast, give my dog a healthy breakfast, going to the gym to work out so that I feel healthy. And then I come here and I really enjoy this. Now, do I enjoy this kind of discussion? Absolutely not. Is it necessary and imperative that we have it? 100% yes. That's good. So, that's the price of being alive right now, Mandy. You better find a way to talk about this.

[00:09:34]>> Well, God, now it looks like you're in trouble to yourself. [laughter] You know, the other morning I stood in front of my closet sort of trying to figure out, who am I?

[00:09:51]Whose closet is this, you know, coffee in hand and just realized I I was just tired of negotiating with my clothes of who I used to be, who I am now, and then tugging, adjusting, wondering if something still worked or if this went with that.

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[00:13:54]We're going to go to our first uh listener question today. Oh god, I hope it's about cooking. Uh or [laughter] something mundane. Yes.

[00:14:02]>> Yeah, I made a good soup last night. Oh, she did. Great. Let's find out if this next question is about soup. So, it's going to be a voice note. Let's put on our headphones. Hi Mandy. Hi Catherine.

[00:14:13]This is Miriam from Germany and um oh, and thank you so much for your invaluable insights and stories on Instagram. I'm very much enjoying them.

[00:14:22]I wanted to tell you a story or share something I think a lot of people are familiar with. So, from at least when I was a teenager, I was frequently told that I'm too old to do certain things. I think the most striking example is when I was um auditioning for music schools that I had a private singing teacher at the time who would call me at home to tell me, "Oh, even if you win this audition now, you can't make it because you're too old." And I never quite understood what the message behind that is except that it's very limiting and the pain it causes. You know, you kind of believe these stories, especially when they come from people like your teachers because you trust them.

[00:15:05]I think it took me at least 20 years to understand that this was just something a person said to me and had nothing to do with reality. And it took a lot of effort to stop believing that. And now when I'm teaching my own students or even in raising my own son, I'm very aware of that and of these kind of phrases, how much they can really affect people for for long long periods of times. And anyway, this is something I wanted to share with you. Thank you and bye-bye. Thank you, Miriam. And I think anybody that tells you to you're too old for anything, there's a phrase we have in our country, it may not translate into German that well, but just tell them GO [ __ ] YOURSELF.

[00:15:48]>> [laughter] >> YEAH. THAT'S REALLY IN A NUTSHELL. We can talk about this for another 20 minutes. That's the bottom line. Go [ __ ] yourself.

[00:15:58]Yeah.

[00:15:59]I just think that's the bias, you know, the the bias, Miriam. Uh I mean, I imagine you were young when you were in school and somebody told you that. And I have a real strong um fury when I hear anything that is age-related and a boundary or a limitation. People can always learn. People can always change. There's a million freaking stories. Burt Young was a great actor.

[00:16:27]He didn't act until he was 35 years old for the first time. I think he got made a living in his 40s and 50s. I mean, you the whole point of being human to me is to keep evolving and changing and discover things. I think sometimes I feel more of a bias that oh, you're too young to do that. You know, I don't think it's particularly healthy to be discovered in this sort of viral world when you're 8 or 10. I don't know Justin Bieber would have had a happier life if he'd had a slower path. But that's my thing. I think all those biases about age are just as my husband said, [ __ ] Um I said go [ __ ] yourself.

[00:17:06]>> Yeah. My coach has this philosophy. Come here, Beck.

[00:17:10]Get up here. Has this philosophy which is age is just a number. He trains There's a 93-year-old woman who lifts 150 lb. He said, "You know the average number of pull-ups that a woman does? Uh you know, of of a certain age you know, and then I said, "No, I don't." He said, "Zero. You know how much this lady who's uh 85 does? You know, she started at zero. She does like 20 of them and she can hold it." Uh he I'm getting to do things he's getting me to do things that I thought had left me behind in the dust quite some time ago.

[00:17:42]What he says that I just love it's it's it's as much mental as it is the physical training.

[00:17:49]>> Mhm. It is a way of life. It's a way of thinking that is you you it's the whole thing. How you eat, how you think, how you sleep, how you listen, how you act, how you use your voice.

[00:18:01]>> This is why I've decided to start training for the gymnastics team for the Olympics.

[00:18:06]>> [laughter] >> Good idea. Never too late.

[00:18:08]>> Never too late. Never too late, kid. You will be the first. year.

[00:18:11]>> Yeah. Do you know what I'm going to be doing for it? I'm going to meet the guys of the US Olympic team >> allowed to say that yet? Uh no, I'm not I didn't say anything yet. I had a connection and I said to this connection of mine, "Is there an age class for the Olympics because I learned how to stage and screen fence for The Princess Bride, but you know, when I put on the equipment for my teacher Bob Anderson while we were doing The Princess Bride and then we did it for real, he killed me 20 times in less than 3 seconds." But but I said, "I would actually like to practice that and learn that and learn the moves and the stretches and the lunges and is there an age class? I'm 73." He said, "There are. There's 60, 70, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 There's a 90-year age class." It's a new hobby for you.

[00:18:54]>> It's not a hobby. I intend to add that to my training regimen >> How would that not be a hobby? Well, what's a hobby? Something you do that you're not getting paid for.

[00:19:04]Uh something you do is not a hobby. It's something you do. Something A hobby to me >> It's not diminished by the >> to me is like relationship about these words that you you hate the word.

[00:19:16]>> hate the word. My father said we don't hate, we may dislike something intensely, but we don't hate. Thank you for that.

[00:19:21]>> hobbies? I I don't like the word hobby.

[00:19:23]CAN I JUST SAY THAT?

[00:19:24]>> He doesn't like it cuz it's diminutive.

[00:19:26]It's diminutive.

[00:19:27]>> me also take a page out of Miriam's Let me take a page out of Miriam's >> fencing for a while and you really enjoy it and you get good at it and you spend a lot of time on it. I I I love that for you.

[00:19:37]>> And I may not, but let me just say what I said to Miriam. Go [ __ ] yourself.

[00:19:40]>> [laughter] >> Let me bring IT AROUND FULL CIRCLE.

[00:19:43]>> TELL Miriam to go [ __ ] herself.

[00:19:45]>> No, she said >> said to say it to a friend who says you're too old. So you're calling [clears throat] my desire You're telling You're calling my desire to get back into fencing and get myself trained and and to get into my age class, you're calling it a hobby.

[00:19:58]I'm thinking it is is an incredible life goal. Is a life goal a hobby?

[00:20:03]>> Sure. To you, it's a matter of semantics, I guess.

[00:20:07]>> I'm so sorry that I diminished your new Olympic fencing aspirations [laughter] for the 70 and 80-year-old category. I don't know what got into me.

[00:20:15]>> has been an intense morning. Can we have some more hobby-like questions?

[00:20:19]>> I want to say something to Miriam that I didn't get to say. Miriam, I'm so sorry that impacted you for so long and I bet you're a really great teacher that doesn't put those limitations on your students, much less your child. So, good for you for recovering from that.

[00:20:47]Dad, you had a power nap, that was great. We're going to put in our >> [laughter] >> We're going to put in our headphones.

[00:20:54]>> Okay.

[00:20:55]And we are going to welcome our guest here.

[00:21:00]Uh just getting our headphones in there.

[00:21:03]So, we have a live caller on the the from Fredericton, New Brunswick in Canada as opposed to the dead callers.

[00:21:11]That's right. Mom, Dad, this is Danielle. Hello, Danielle.

[00:21:14]>> Hi, Danielle.

[00:21:16]>> Hi.

[00:21:17]>> [laughter] >> How are you?

[00:21:19]I am good. I'm a little nervous, but I'm good.

[00:21:22]>> nervous? Cuz I'm nervous like 24/7.

[00:21:26]What are you nervous about?

[00:21:27]>> Um I'm just really excited to talk to you guys. Tell [laughter] me where you're from again?

[00:21:32]>> New Brunswick, Canada.

[00:21:34]>> I'm from I'm actually from Toronto. I just moved to New Brunswick a couple months ago.

[00:21:39]>> where? Connecticut? Canada?

[00:21:40]>> Canada, honey. Oh, New Brunswick, Canada. Well, there's a lot of New Brunswick. You live in the same country.

[00:21:45]It used to have a reputation for being boring. I so envy any Canadian right now, Danielle. Yeah, I this day these days boring is is nice. Yeah, I can promise you one thing.

[00:21:57]You say you're a little nervous talking to us. After just After a few more seconds, it'll pass, believe me.

[00:22:05]>> [laughter] >> Because you'll you'll be you'll be pitying us. You'll feel pity for us.

[00:22:10]You'll try to get off the call. You'll think this is This is the worst mistake of my life.

[00:22:15][laughter] Never.

[00:22:19]>> Danielle, what's what's New Brunswick known for?

[00:22:22]Well, my dad is actually from the north of New Brunswick, so not where I currently live. Um and that part of New Brunswick's known for um the Acadians, which are like a subset of French Canadians, um who actually got deported from Canada in like the 1700s and then came back. Wow. If you go down to Louisiana and you get the Cajuns, those are actually Acadians that were deported there.

[00:22:45]>> [clears throat] >> So, that's been a a practice for a long time.

[00:22:49]>> have been kicking folks out of everywhere since time began.

[00:22:53]Yeah, basically they the English came and the Acadians were like, "No, we don't want to sign an unconditional, you know, allegiance or whatever." And they were like, "Okay, well, you can leave then."

[00:23:04]Um Danielle sent us a great question and we're going to have her read it to us.

[00:23:11]Um Danielle, please go ahead.

[00:23:14]Okay, so this is my original email. Um hi Mandy and Katherine. I love you both so much. You always cheer me up when I see you on Instagram and The Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies.

[00:23:25]My question for your podcast is a bit existential.

[00:23:29]How do you deal with feeling like time is going too fast? Uh I'll be 35 at Well, actually, I'm 35 today, but at the time I wrote this, I'll be 35 later this year and it feels like it was only a minute ago that I was in my 20s. It feels like everything's going too fast.

[00:23:44]I'm never going to catch up or I'm going to run out before I can do anything important. Any Any advice? Yeah.

[00:23:49]>> And today is your birthday, Danielle?

[00:23:52]Today is my birthday.

[00:23:55]>> [laughter] >> Happy birthday. I actually I I wrote Danielle an original birthday song. Oh, that we'll sing at the end. I'll sing it to We could sing her several birthday songs.

[00:24:03]>> Yeah. And never answer the question.

[00:24:06]>> It's really good. It's three-part harmony. It's sort of like baroque style. You'll love it. May I answer Danielle's question? Danielle, you asked a great [laughter] question and I have something that happened in my life that I will never forget and it changed my life cuz it changed my perception of time. And what happened was we had our first son, first child, Isaac, in 1982.

[00:24:31]And uh then along came his birthday one year later.

[00:24:38]And it came, in my mind, one second later after he was born.

[00:24:45]And I remember so well as a child and for most of my pre-meeting Katherine life, it just seemed to take forever to get to where I was at that moment. And then I witnessed my son and I was 33 and I witnessed my son becoming 1 year had passed since his birth and I said and I said, "Mandy, you've lived 33 of those increments. That's not very many. That's like 33 seconds." And it just flipped me out that that's how fast time goes when you're not a little kid anymore.

[00:25:27]And when you're now little kids like Catherine and Mandy you don't you can't luxuriate in thinking about time. You just need to live every second, every minute.

[00:25:44]And there are people that I know who have had cancer and things. They say, "Oh, that's That's what woke me up and then I realized how to live." I don't want people to get some difficult, tragic, shocking thing happen to their life that teaches them how to live.

[00:25:57]Trust me, just watch your child become 1 year old and realize how quickly that happened and get to work at living.

[00:26:06]Daniel, it's so amazing.

[00:26:08]You called and you're very obsessed with time and I am 79 and I'm obsessed with time.

[00:26:16]I'm really obsessed with time and this whole idea in physics that time is a construct, you know, Einstein said it is an illusion.

[00:26:27]>> Mhm. Albeit a persistent one.

[00:26:29]>> Albeit a persistent one and you said something that you don't know if you have time to do something important.

[00:26:36]And I I don't know if you know, have you discovered Gabor Maté? Not sure if I'm saying his name right.

[00:26:42]>> Uh-huh. It's very interesting cuz I just came accidentally upon a moment of his. He's a big a doctor philosopher that talks about trauma and how it affects people.

[00:26:52]And one of the things he said that he was so sorry, what one of his regrets in life is that he worked all the time so hard to be a doctor and to do something important, and his biggest regret is he didn't play more.

[00:27:07]That he didn't have time to play with friends, with family, to get pleasures in life. And I think we emphasize a kind of accomplishment over being as full a human as you can be. You We really are cosmic blips. We really are here in the scope of time for two freaking seconds, do you know? And there's this pressure to be important.

[00:27:35]And if you have a passion, you're lucky for something you do or create, but I don't think it should be lost within the work of that passion to find all aspects of yourself, and and be a full human being with all the pleasures and discoveries and surprising yourself within that limited time, do you know? Danielle, what what's going on in your life right now? Why Why do you Why do you feel unsettled?

[00:28:06]>> Beautiful question. Um I I don't know that I feel unsettled exactly. It's just It's just been especially noticeable, especially because COVID, we're all locked inside.

[00:28:17]So, time just suddenly was like, 2020, when we all went into lockdown, feels like 2 seconds ago, and it's like we're coming up on 6 years. Like, as I get older, I just like feel like this almost like panic, like time is going way too fast, and I don't have the ability to like just do whatever I want, unfortunately, because capitalism, you [laughter] know?

[00:28:37]I can't afford to just, you know, wander off and do whatever. I got to work, I got to take care of my dog, I got to take care of my husband, [clears throat] you know, I've got life things to do, but it just feels like holy crap, I'm halfway between 30 and 40. When the hell did that happen? Uh what is your work?

[00:28:55]What do you work? I work at a bank. It's just like I work in the the back office of a bank, so it's just >> I think um bringing up this thing of lockdown and COVID is is really important because I think we collectively feel like time shifted dramatically during that period.

[00:29:16]And we're all sort of catching up from that.

[00:29:21]M- Many people feel like they lost a huge chunk or it went by quickly and slowly at the same time, but sort of dissolved into into the past. And depending on where we were at different points, I mean, high schoolers, you know, kids who were starting high school lost that in- that whole chunk, you know? Like you were just starting in your 30s, you know, I was 33 when lockdown hit and this whole decade feels like it it went by in a flash, and I think it's really um confusing. I did do a a little research on this Danielle. I wanted to share one thing that I I discovered. Um some people say that there's actually a physiological reason we feel like time is going faster. As we age, our brains process fewer images than they did when we were young. Over time, our neural networks grow larger and more complex, so electrical signals have to travel farther and move more slowly. That means we take in fewer mental frames per second. With fewer frames, time seems to speed up, like flipping through a flip book with fewer pictures, where you reach the end faster. And I thought that was kind of wild because I'm I'm having the same experience. It is years feel like they're going by like months, you know.

[00:30:45]>> Yeah. Beautiful good. Thank you.

[00:30:47]>> I want that quote. I want that information.

[00:30:49]>> Yeah, he'll give it to you.

[00:30:50]>> It's on your podcast. I wanted to mention something that I was struck by if I can remember it. I know it had to do with Isaac, our older son, saying which I don't know it in Spanish, please forgive me. There's nothing so bad that good cannot come from it. We lost the some of us two or three years during that pandemic. You don't get it back. I was an incredibly manic kid. I didn't take time to breathe and listen and ask questions.

[00:31:23]And then my father died when I was 18.

[00:31:26]And I I didn't get to have quiet calm talk with him.

[00:31:32]And I robbed myself of that because I hadn't grown up enough until after he died. His death in some strange way was one of the greatest lessons of my life not to be in such a hurry to take more time to even if I'm still manic at times, to take the time to listen to my wife and my children, my friends.

[00:31:56]I hear what they have to say. If I can't hear it today, maybe I'll hear it tomorrow. And so, like that saying of Isaac's, there's nothing so bad that good cannot come from it. The a a tragedy for the whole world's population that we can never get back has gifts in it that we all know there were certain kinds of gifts along with the tragedy.

[00:32:20]And I just think, you know, I don't know what to do other than try to embrace the gifts that, you know, I learned about taking more time because I I screwed it up with my dad and I don't want to screw it up with anybody else.

[00:32:32]>> Dad, don't blame yourself for that. You were a kid. That's not your fault. Well, >> 18, you know, we all thought we were so grown up. I I I I blame myself, uh but I'm grateful for the lesson because it really it really got into my being that, you know, don't let that happen again with some somebody that matters to you.

[00:32:51]>> Yeah, just don't don't let that language sit in your brain that you screwed that up cuz your dad got cancer and you ran out of time.

[00:32:58]>> were a lot of lessons that we that we learn when we lose someone we love more than we can ever imagine which only tells you that loss, which is a part of living, is also tragic, but also one of the great learning areas of of our existential beings. And uh so we're all in the same boat, you know. I think, Danielle, what's really hard to practice, but essential, is not to sit there worrying about time.

[00:33:32]You know, you feel old at 35, I'm here to tell you how freaking young you are.

[00:33:36]You are unbelievably young. I didn't do half the things that have been important to me or even discover I wanted to do them until I was in my 40s. Do you know?

[00:33:46]So, to have a broader concept about time, um I try to understand certain elementary physics uh concepts to help me even though I can't really understand them, I'm drawn to the aspect of energy never dying. All these different experiences have how we experience time, but don't waste the second worrying and judging yourself about what you're missing. Just act. Act according to your heart. Give yourself time for the joy at the bank or after the bank, do you know?

[00:34:22]>> The reason I like doing this podcast that just dawned on me is cuz we're talking to ourselves as much as we're talking to you. We need to hear this [ __ ] as much as you do if not more.

[00:34:33]We [ __ ] this stuff up night and day.

[00:34:35]>> What's it's infinitely easier to give somebody else advice than to take it yourself. I wish we could do what Catherine just said more often. Yeah. Uh but we we don't give up. This brings up uh another idea that um came up in working on your show. You did a play recently and you were working on cutting it down and trimming some stuff off. And the amazing phenomenon in in storytelling that sometimes when you're trying to cut the time down and make it shorter, your impulse is to speed things up.

[00:35:10]>> Yeah. But what you lose when you're speeding up is the clarity, the emotional connection, the depth of feeling with what you're trying to transmit. So, funny enough, Slowing down.

[00:35:22]>> it's the opposite that if you slow things down, you're we're able to find the cuts and trim it out more. And I think that's >> Shaw said.

[00:35:32]>> I think that's applicable to life, too.

[00:35:34]When you feel like you're running out of time, I mean, again, I'm talking to myself. Feel like I'm running out of time, the impulse is to speed up and do more and fit more in.

[00:35:44]>> When actually it can feel slower if I slow down And that you >> and do less and take more in. But also when you slow down, what you are doing and the experiences you are having are richer.

[00:35:58]>> Yeah, and more nice.

[00:35:59]>> cuz you're not speeding. If I have I used to meet, you know, 15 friends a day and work and >> Now she only meets 14.

[00:36:07]>> What are you doing to celebrate your birthday? Uh not much. Uh my husband's at work, but he when he comes home, he'll he'll make me cake and we'll have dinner. Um and I've got a new video game that I'll be playing. Um What's the video game? Uh the new Metroid Prime game.

[00:36:22]What happens in Metroid Prime? Uh I'm not 100% sure of the story, Um but you play as as a woman in a power suit and you run around and shoot aliens essentially. [laughter] Will your husband be playing this with you? Uh not this one, no. This isn't a co-op game. Can you explain to me what that means? I don't know what a co-op game is. Oh, like a game that you play cooperatively. So like you're both playing at the same >> another person somewhere else in the universe?

[00:36:50]Or in your living room.

[00:36:50]>> Or like or or in your living room, yeah.

[00:36:53]Oh my god, Danielle, can you turn my dad into a gamer right now? Is [laughter] that possible?

[00:36:59]I mean video games are great.

[00:37:01]I love them and basically there's a game for any kind of situation you might want to experience and they've been shown to be good for your cognitive health, like keeping you sharp. It's a very different world than playing Monopoly in the old days when I was growing up. So you'd much rather reach out for a video game than a board game in a living room situation with one person or several that are over. If I've got people over, having a board game is fun. There's lots of really [clears throat] fun board games, but video games like for instance I have a weekly thing I do with my two friends who live back in Ontario and my husband and the four of us we just we just play a game together for like an hour on Mondays and it's really nice cuz we can just like chat while we're doing it and it's just a fun way to connect. [laughter] >> [laughter] >> And as we say, we're so glad you were born, Danielle. Celebrate yourself today.

[00:38:15]>> a little differently. We say we're so [ __ ] happy you were born. And I bet you thought [laughter] that was the end of the song, but Happy happy Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

[00:38:31]Happy >> [singing] >> You were born 35 years ago. Such a little time.

[00:38:38][music] Once upon a time, there was no Danielle.

[00:38:44]But now there is and this is her day.

[00:38:46]Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy [laughter] birthday.

[00:38:59]And next year, you'll have another [laughter] one. This will be your longest birthday ever.

[00:39:08]>> [laughter] >> And we'll call you every year.

[00:39:12]>> never call us on your birthday again because you're worried about time and you can't spend your whole life listening to us sing happy birthday to you.

[00:39:28]The end of the song you really love cuz it comes from Catherine. It goes like this. Happy happy happy happy happy happy birthday. Please remember this conversation when you're 79 years old and please know how young you are before you're 79. Please celebrate all the possibilities that come to mind and have a wonderful time playing games and eating cake and being alive.

[00:39:58]Bravo. Bravo.

[00:40:02]Thank you so much. Thank you so much for calling. Yeah. Thank you so much. This was a great day. We'll raise a glass to you tonight.

[00:40:12]Okay.

[00:40:13]>> Thank you so much. Bye, Danielle.

[00:40:16]L'chaim. L'chaim.

[00:40:23]It hang times when we play a fun little game to finish the show or something like that. A favorite oldie but a goodie, the game scary not scary, okay?

[00:40:32]That's how we're finishing the show today. So, I'm going to tell you something you say scary or not scary, okay? Running into someone from high school at the grocery store.

[00:40:40]Potentially very scary.

[00:40:42]>> Not scary.

[00:40:43]A goose staring at you.

[00:40:47]Not scary. The movie The Exorcist.

[00:40:50]Scary.

[00:40:52]A phone message that just says call me.

[00:40:55]Really scary. Who the [ __ ] is it? They don't say their name or anything? They just say call me or expect me to remember what number out of a billion numbers or not say their name? Okay, what if it's from me?

[00:41:06]A message that just says call me.

[00:41:08]>> Not scary. Scary. Okay, foot massage.

[00:41:12]Not scary.

[00:41:13]>> Not scary. Okay, a bear right outside your door tapping on the door but the door is locked.

[00:41:19]>> Scary.

[00:41:21]Okay, a baby bear found in your sink.

[00:41:24]Scarier.

[00:41:25]No, not scary. Poor thing. Cuz where's the mom? Yeah, right outside the door.

[00:41:31]>> And and if if you came home and there was a adorable like newly born bear in your sink. Doors are closed, mother bear is nowhere to be around. What do you do?

[00:41:41]The mother's somewhere.

[00:41:42]>> animal people.

[00:41:43]>> police, the animal and the Fire department. Who are the animal people? I don't know, the woman that took care of the bird that we found once. I would also get out of the house. You wouldn't worry that they'll take the bear and you won't get to raise it and I don't want to raise the bear. I want the mother to raise the bear. Do I look like a bear parent?

[00:42:00]You look like a bear in the gay community. In the gay community you'd be known as a bear. In the gay community?

[00:42:07]I'm just saying What does that have to do with the price of beans? I'm I'm visually with your big beard in the gay community you you'd be a bear.

[00:42:14]>> But in the hetero community or do you just be a bear in the Christian community or the Jewish community? I think you have some problems here in this [laughter] area good. I think you stepped in it.

[00:42:24]>> about bears? I do. And as men, not the animal?

[00:42:28]Bears as men? No, I don't know.

[00:42:30]>> Like in the queer community you don't know what being a bear is?

[00:42:32]>> I do know. I don't know. Bears are like kind of burly, bearded, like big kind of In the olden days you wouldn't have assumed we were gay. Muscular or chubby like you know big guys with beards.

[00:42:43]Bearded guys? I have no idea. Yeah. You might not be >> to an amazing I listened [laughter] to amazing song. Have you ever heard Kaufman song about feminine and masculine, honey?

[00:42:54]Which who who Irving Kaufman.

[00:42:56]>> No. Oh, it's hilarious.

[00:42:58]Well, I can.

[00:42:59]We used to know if feminine was feminine and masculine was masculine, but now Uncle Joe looks like Auntie Lillian as he's you know It's very progressive for the 1920s.

[00:43:09]>> yeah. It's very unjudgmental. Yeah, you can really dance to that.

[00:43:12]>> Yeah. Can I just say one thing before we go to dance? I just want to say if there was a baby bear in your sink, I do think just be open to having a beautiful relationship raising that bear. It would treat you as its parents.

[00:43:27]You could play fun games. It could get along with your dogs. It doesn't know it's a bear. I'm just saying if that happens, be open to possibilities. Um well, thanks for tuning in this week, folks. We want to hear from you. Send us questions, stories, advice. Have you ever found a bear in your sink? Is it your birthday? Would you like to sing a birthday song to Danielle that we can send to her? I don't want to thank people for tuning in. I want to apologize on behalf of myself >> Yes, we're here to apologize that we did this to you. We apologize and I'll try not to do it again.

[00:44:01]>> In time you'll forgive us.

[00:44:03]You can send us an email at [email protected] or check out our socials for an easy way to send us a voice note. Our team reads all your comments and reviews and we're loving them. Thank you so much for being here and tuning in. And just remember Don't LISTEN TO US.

[00:44:25]>> [laughter] >> OH NO, THAT GUY AGAIN. PLEASE banish him.

[00:44:36]Don't listen to us is a Lemonada Media Original hosted by Mandy Patinkin, Catherine Grody and Gideon Grody Patinkin. Created by Katrina Onstad, Debbie Pacheco and Gideon Grody Patinkin. Executive producers are Catherine Grody, Gideon Grody Patinkin, Mandy Patinkin, Katrina Onstad, Debbie Pacheco, Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie Wittels Wachs.

[00:44:59]Our engineer is Ryan Deringer of Welterweight Sound. Video and audio production by Mark Whiteway of Bellos Media.

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