My Partner BLAMED ME For Our Baby Being In The NICU After Giving Birth | r/BestOf

Added: 2026-05-05

[00:00:02]Hey, Waffle gang. I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:09]And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell, too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love, guys. Now, today's first story comes from the What Do I Do subreddit titled, "My boyfriend is a different person now that we have a child."

[00:00:28]My boyfriend Ron, 31, male, and I, 25 female, welcomed our first child, a baby girl, just one month ago. We spent my entire pregnancy preparing for her arrival and had multiple discussions about how we would share responsibilities. Needless to say, I was extremely excited to meet her. I thought we both were. Before getting pregnant, Ron was an extremely attentive partner.

[00:00:51]He was the only person who took the time to understand my feelings and took extra care of me when I was feeling low. He was truly a gem and I felt extremely lucky to have him. My birth was pretty traumatic. Baby girl ended up spending about a week in the NICU and that put a huge strain on our relationship. Ron blamed me for her NICU stay and told me often how angry was at me for the whole situation. For context, baby girl was in the NICU for breathing in mcconium. This caused an infection and some breathing issues that were easily fixable. She's in perfect health now and has been since she came home. Regardless of the reason for her NICU stay, it was incredibly hard on me to hear that my partner was blaming me. My hormones were crashing and I already had to deal with the pain of leaving the hospital without my baby.

[00:01:38]So, his behavior really intensified my emotions. He was not supportive when I would cry myself to sleep. He mostly ignored me when I became overwhelmed with emotion. Now that baby girl is home, I've been doing 95% of the parenting. Ron clears the house and makes dinner. He also refills my water for me when I'm breastfeeding. I truly appreciate his help in that way, and I tell him all the time, but caring for a newborn around the clock is extremely draining. I've expressed that I need more help with diapers, rocking the baby to sleep, etc. For whatever reason, Ron takes this as a personal attack, and it always starts a huge fight. When I try to make conversation, he answers with one word and looks at me with a cold blank stare. He makes little condescending comments about me daily.

[00:02:21]When I've tried to bring up ways he can help me out, he denies avoiding me and baby girl. When I say I'd appreciate if you would change more diapers, he says things like, "I do change diapers.

[00:02:31]Remember yesterday you asked me to change your diaper and I did, which I guess is true, but I'd really like to be helped without having to ask. She is his daughter after all." Asking for help directly also makes me feel guilty and inadequate as a mother, which I've also expressed to Ron. His personality is now someone I don't know. He's definitely not the man I fell in love with anymore.

[00:02:52]I'm trying to keep in mind that postpartum is hard on dads, too. But as much as I try to support him during this time, I feel as if I'm getting no support in return. My question is, how do I navigate this? Am I supposed to wait it out and hope it gets better soon? So, I keep bringing up my need for help and support, even though it's causing blowout fights every time. I've asked if he's interested in therapy or psychiatry, but he says he's fine.

[00:03:16]Apparently, I'm the one who needs professional help in his eyes. I'm lost.

[00:03:20]What do I do? Initially, I was thinking, you know, some of this could be stress.

[00:03:24]There's a massive change in your lives that's just happened, so it could be down to that. But then, you know, blaming her for the NICU state, that's not stress. That's just cruelty. And if he's not going to listen to you, not get any sort of therapy or anything like that for what he's going through, this is only going to go one way in the end.

[00:03:41]But the way it feels anyway, but it kind of sounds like this is a complete change of behavior from the guy he was. So it maybe something is going on mentally there, maybe even paternal postpartum depression. And I think it certainly just warrants a conversation, just sitting down and saying to him face to face, look, something's going on here and I need to know what it is. as you both can't continue this way because it's not good for any of you. Opie comes in first responding to a long comment and says thank you for empathizing. Even from a stranger, it feels incredibly warm and comforting right now. The only reason he can seem to give me when he's not overwhelmed with anger is that he's insecure about not being good enough.

[00:04:19]I've been mindful of this and try every day to remind him that I'm grateful for him. Baby, and I love him very much.

[00:04:24]He's more than enough for us. It doesn't seem to make a difference. I tried to get to the real center of the problem through a calm conversation. I hope it goes better than last time. Zestie says, "I had to do a whole Google because I didn't know what breathing mcconium meant for a baby. I thought maybe because the mom smokes sigs or crack cocaine, but no, apparently it's caused by a stressed fetus. Maybe I'm missing something, but I would guess it's pretty easy to stress out a fetus. I wouldn't be happy to crawl through a vagina at least." Anyway, unless I'm missing something, Opie has no direct cause on getting her baby to the NCU and her partner is coping badly and being a dick about it. Opie says definitely no cigarettes or drug use during my pregnancy at any point. Had a pretty easy pregnancy and followed all the rules. I think he blames me for not knowing I was in labor for 2 days before going to labor and delivery. Apparently, my water had broken, but I thought it was sweat. When we checked in, I really thought they were going to tell me it was a normal third trimester stuff and send us home. To my surprise, they said I was in early labor and probably had been for days. I was started on ptocin very shortly after. A commenter who was downvoted says, "This is why you should never have a child with a man they're not married to. Being married protects women from a legal standpoint. Just the act of getting engaged and married brings a level of commitment that boyfriend and girlfriend relationship could never attain." Opie says, "I don't feel like marriage would have changed this issue very much. I've been living together for almost 4 years. I was trying to stay on my mom's insurance until I turned 26 in 2026. My mom has a fantastic policy that really helped out with the birth, acknowledged paternity, and signed a birth certificate, so I'm not really worried about this from a legal standpoint. In my state, that's enough protection if I seek child support in the future. That's not my intention, though. I really want to make this work. He truly is a great guy. I just fear he is going through more than I know mentally. It seems the general consensus is therapy. I miss my awesome partner. I know he's in there somewhere.

[00:06:23]Impressive fan says leave him. That's what most women do. You said your selfie is helping you already and probably working on top of it. But alas, you're a woman. Ooh, dear me. And anything he does will never be enough because you'll never be happy anyway. Bloody hell.

[00:06:38]Where do they come from? Opie responds saying, "I wouldn't ask for advice if I wanted to leave him. He's a good guy and I felt blessed to have him. If he's experiencing a trauma response, I want to know how to help him. This is very unlike him. He helped me through a lot of dark times before we had our daughter. At least owe it to him and our child to try. Aggravating says, "First off, congratulations. I'm sorry it was so traumatic." As a husband and dad, I would say just talk to him and say, "Hey, this is how I feel and we need to discuss it." Then he can explain himself something's wrong and needs to man up and tell you. Period. He has to tell you what's wrong. Opie says, "Thank you. I understand why a lot of the responses are saying to leave him, but I've loved him for a long time, and I really don't think he could have hidden his true colors for so long. He's been there for me through some really rough times." My best guess is that he's going through something mentally this time. Call me naive, but I do have hope we can work this out. I just need to know how to support him, and he's the only one who can give me that answer. I'm planning on having a different conversation with him tonight, coming at the issue from a different angle this time. Commenter says, "People are way too willing to throw the guy under a bus here. This is a textbook trauma response. Might be something old. The situation dredged up.

[00:07:50]Might be the NICU state itself. Could even be a full-blown PTSD or even PPD.

[00:07:55]And yes, men do suffer with this as well. Whatever the case, he's clearly struggling on a number of levels. This calls for therapy, not derision." Opie says, "I agree with you. A lot of people are implying with an abusive piece of [ __ ] but I can totally see how he's being immature and downright mean. This is not his personality. I've been with this man for years. Couples counseling seems like a great idea. So, it was 4 months after this that OP came in and said, "Our girl is 5 months old now, and our relationship has done a complete 180 in a good way. Let me explain piece by piece. The thing that helped us the absolute most was couples counseling. We got to the root of every problem I mentioned previously and even more problems we were previously unaware of.

[00:08:39]For dignity's sake, I won't go into every detail, though. Here's an outline on what we learned about each other. My boyfriend has been diagnosed with paternal postpartum depression, and he's still working every day to make progress on his mental health. Many people suggested I leave him, and that he was an abusive [ __ ] Sorry to those people, but separation is not on the table. Did he react extremely inappropriately and do serious damage to my postpartum experience? Absolutely.

[00:09:05]who both acknowledge how devastating that was for my psyche, and he worked endlessly to make whatever amends he can. Now, on to why I was blamed for the NICU stay my daughter endured. The reason he gave me in the moment was that I should have known my water broke. The real nitty-gritty reason is that his father often waited until his condition was deplorable before seeking help, and that caused some pretty traumatic experiences for my boyfriend growing up and in early adulthood. I knew his father was chronically ill and spent a lot of time in hospitals, but I did not know about the fights and the delay of treatment on his father's part. That part played a huge role in his response, and he took out his past trauma on me.

[00:09:43]He's back at work now, and I'm a stay-at-home mom. Every day when he gets home, he picks up our daughter and tells her how much he missed her and loves her. It melts my heart to see him enjoying fatherhood so deeply. He's in charge of the nighttime routine, minus the feeding. She's exclusively breastfed and he has useless nipples.

[00:10:01]Lol. And on weekends, he spends most of his free time playing with her and changing some gnarly diapers. Him and I have made a conscious effort to improve our relationship outside of parenthood.

[00:10:11]Once a month, we have one of the grandparents come over and watch our baby girl for a couple of hours so we can go on a date. It's hard to believe we've changed so much as people in the last 5 months. I'm more in love with him than I've ever been. These date nights are so good for our mental health. He's still the sweet man I fell in love with years ago, if not sweeter. I owe the commenters a huge thank you for the suggestions. If it wasn't for that Reddit post, I probably would have tapped out and been a single mom shortly after giving birth. This is a reminder to anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation. It can get better if you have the strength to look truth in its ugly face. Don't allow yourself to be mistreated because you feel bad for your partner or you're waiting for normality to creep back in. It takes work and hard conversations, sometimes with a mediator or a counselor. I'm off to go do my sweet baby girl. That's the update. Hope this makes anyone following my short story hopeful. I know I am.

[00:11:06]One commenter says on this one, "That made me cry from happiness. This is my new favorite Reddit update." And another one says, "That's awesome. So happy for you and your little family. Love the positive updates."

[00:11:18]And I'm relieved to see that things of heading in the right direction now. and it seems like they are better than ever, which is just a wonderful thing to see after what was going on in the first post. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Tiny Bird's Nest in the wedding drama subreddit and says, "Friend kept relationship hidden for a whole year. Apologies for the long post.

[00:11:48]So, I'm getting married in a few weeks.

[00:11:50]About a month ago, one of my best friends who I've known since college and I've kept in regular contact with dropped the bomb as she was getting married. I didn't even know she was seeing anyone. She then drops the bomb that she's marrying a guy in our friend group and that a wedding is going to have to be the day before mine because her father-in-law can't get time off work at any other time that month and essentially gave a few other half-ass reasons why other weekends weren't possible. One weekend will be a few days before her period starts so she'll be bloated. The other she's on her period.

[00:12:20]The other is Valentine's weekend and that's cringey. The other is too close to Ramadan so she can't go on a honeymoon straight away. Some backstory about the person she is marrying. She is someone that we always thought she had a thing. But she'd always deny it and say she saw him like a brother. We used to argue a bit over her prioritizing him over me back in college, especially because this guy and I didn't really get on much and her and I were so close.

[00:12:44]Example, me and her had brunch plans once and she spent the whole time texting him. After graduating, though, I feel like we all matured and put differences behind us to the point where her husband to be was actually invited to my wedding as my friend. My knee-jerk reaction to her telling me she was engaged was crying tears of joy for her.

[00:13:02]I truly was happy for her, but when I went home to think about it, I felt really icky. All year since I've been wedding planning, she's been asking me really specific questions about my planning process. She complained to me that as my best friend, she didn't feel involved enough in my planning process and she said she wanted to come dress shopping with me, which I invited her to because of her expressing this. But then for her to turn around and tell me that she's been dating this guy on and off for a year while also keeping it secret makes her feeling left out on my stuff come across as so hypocritical.

[00:13:33]And then there's the question of why the rush since she's known him a decade. And why specifically my wedding weekend when I sent out my save the dates back in March. So, she had so much time to plan and leave some time in between. It's not about me not having all the attention on me. It's just how can she expect me to be fully present at her wedding and how selfish she must be to expect me to have to fit into an already stressful weekend for me. When I told her this, she doubled down on that weekend being the only one available and that she specifically chose that one because she knew I'd be available since I'd booked a few days off from work before the wedding and that she needed me as her wedding. She said I would embarrass her around her future in-laws since she made such a point of needing to pick a date that I could attend, even though I had no clue she was seeing him, nor did she check if the day was a good fit for me.

[00:14:19]I then also expressed how upset I was that she kept the relationship hidden from me, to which she said she thought I'd cut her off because of my history of not getting on with this guy. Again, we all moved past that stuff years ago and are a far cry from the kids we were when we all met back in freshman year. When I told her I didn't think I could make her wedding, she was so upset she cried and said she never thought I'd do that to her and skip her wedding. She's been telling other friends in the friend group that I'm coming to the wedding when they've asked if that date is doable for me. We haven't spoken since my conversation about how upset with her I was a month ago. I'm not trying to be a bright zilla and I know people are entitled to be private. My issue is that she should have extended that privacy with me and not asked so many questions about my life knowing she was being so tight-lipped with hers. This is where I now need advice. I feel so bitter and like the whole friendship was a lie. I can't make it to her wedding and honestly having her at mine feels disingenuous. She's been telling friends she is still coming to mine. Is it rude for me not to go to a wedding? Should I go to a wedding since this is a decadel long friendship? Part of me wants to disinvite her and her husband to be from my wedding because of the lies. Is that rude? Is there a polite way to disinvite someone from your wedding without coming across like an absolute villain?

[00:15:33]Thank you for reading up to here if you have. A commenter comes in and says, "So, she told your friends about the wedding weeks ago." Quoting, "She's been telling other friends in the friend group that I'm coming to the wedding when they've asked if that date is doable for me. How long did she invite them? No one mentioned it to you. It is unreasonable for anyone to expect you to attend the wedding the day before yours, especially with only a few weeks notice." Opie says she told me first and then told the rest of the friends in the days after and so far everyone has only received verbal invitations. A commenter asks what is your cultural background if you don't mind me asking. You say she's one of your best friends but she doesn't appear to be actually in your wedding as a bridesmaid or anything. Also assuming you'll be free the day before your wedding is weird as typically that's reserved for your rehearsal dinner unless you're having a different type of wedding. Maybe says hi. Yes, sorry I should have mentioned I'm Middle Eastern and I'm not having a very western wedding. So, no bridesmaids or rehearsal dinner. They don't do rehearsal dinners the day before, but it doesn't make us any less busy, unfortunately, with family flying in from abroad and having to make airport runs and do final prep.

[00:16:38]The commenter says, "I just have to add a totally instant gut reaction to the situation. Your friend was siphoning off all your wedding planning to make hers easier. She deliberately planned the day before yours to cover that fact up. Hers is the earlier wedding, therefore you copied her in her mind." Anyway, I'm very sorry you're going through this, but this is not a friend. Grieve the loss of what you thought you had and move on with your life. No way should you bother to attend her wedding. She knows it is impossible for you to go the day before your own wedding. She planned that, that I would formally revoke her invitation to your wedding. Best of luck to you. Hugs from an internet nana.

[00:17:14]Edit: I have read more comments since I posted this. And for context, I'm American with very little understanding of Middle Eastern culture. I can understand if disinviting is a huge no no for your culture. I do really love the idea of sitting them as far from you as possible and as far apart from each other as possible and them both avoid as much as possible. Opie says that's what I'm thinking too. Before all of this, she kept on saying how easy wedding planning seemed to be going for me. It's not been easy at all. I'm just good at hiding it and I'm very organized and how I thought of things she would have never even known was a thing. in terms of disinviting and the cultural impact is very split down the middle with opinions. So, I'm really torn. Thank you for the hugs. I really appreciate it.

[00:17:56]This has really helped me feel like I'm not being unreasonable or a bridezilla.

[00:18:01]And look, I can't comment on the cultural side of things at all. But just from an outside perspective, this is meant to be your friend and she's at the wedding the day before yours absolutely takes the piss in my opinion. I wouldn't call that person a friend who's doing that. But it was a month and a half later that Opie came back into the post and said a few people in the original post were asking about rehearsal dinners and all that stuff. I'm Middle Eastern and we don't really do that in our culture. Some people also said I needed to get over myself that I don't own the whole weekend which is true. I don't what who are these people? My issue was the lying and also the expectation of me to drive a total of 5 hours, 2 and 1/2 hours there and back the day before my wedding and to attend another when I had so many things to finalize. I also just needed to vent. Being lied to and having something that felt so calculated happen in what I thought was one of my closest friendships is strange. Oh, and I don't think it was a shotgun wedding, which a lot of people were suggesting. Anyway, I had my wedding. It was perfect and I wouldn't change a thing. I didn't go to a wedding. I genuinely didn't have the time. I did see some posted videos of her wedding. She didn't copy mine, which a lot of people were worried about considering she'd been asking me about all of my prep. I'll give her her flowers, though. Her wedding was gorgeous, but definitely not a 2-month planned wedding like she was making it out it was to me. In the end, she ended up coming to my wedding about 3 hours late. I was too busy being in my own newly married bubble to notice her or anything. But I did get feedback from people who were sat at her table like people said she would in my original post. She spent the whole time talking about her wedding. Said verbatim, "Yeah, her centerpieces were so much better."

[00:19:39]In our culture, the bride receives a heavy piece of gold jewelry at her wedding. She made a show of having her new husband take her piece of jewelry out of her bag and putting it on her at the table. just after my husband and I feel so nice saying that did our outfit change. She was also showing off other pieces of jewelry she received, making a point to emphasize that she received real sapphires and real diamonds. Her and her husband also spent the whole time texting each other, which means they were probably saying not very nice things that they didn't want our mutual friends overhearing, and she frequently would turn to him and say, "Don't worry, we're leaving soon." They were also packing on the PDA with neck kisses. She also then cried to my mom and brother about how she doesn't understand why I've not been talking to her and how I've been so cold to her. This wasn't true. I'd only told her how much her actions and lies had hurt me. And to be honest, she was the one who didn't respond to my last message. My mom being the classic mom, she brought her to me and tried to make us hug it out. We have this very awkward exchange caught on camera. My mom did tell my friend that she shouldn't have lied to me for a whole year, though. So, it's nice to know she had my back, even if she pulled a typical mom move by trying to make everyone happy. Her mutual friends are all on my side. No one really thinks she's in the right. Most of them didn't go to her wedding with the invites being so last minute and her wedding being on a weekday. A lot of people couldn't get the time off or child care. No one else knew about the wedding, which is crazy.

[00:21:01]I do believe that her truth is that she doesn't think she's done anything wrong, and she really does think that she considered me and my situation in her wedding planning. Unfortunately, I think it's one of those friendships where we no longer really align and I've taken a step back and distanced myself from her.

[00:21:16]I do appreciate that she came to my wedding. However, I think she did it to make a point more than out of the goodness of her heart and respect for our friendship considering what she pulled. And OP kindly comes in with a cat tax at the very end, which what an absolute stunner. Totally unrelated, but we'll take it. And I think is like you said, she did turn up to your wedding just to prove a point. The the the gold jewelry and showing off the diamonds and the rubies or whatever it was. Yeah, it was all to make a point. The public displays of affection. And I think you're totally right to distance yourself from that friendship because who needs enemies when you got friends like that, right? But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from the off my chest subreddit from Melo Yellow 435. There's trigger warnings on it of schizophrenia, mentions of a drug addiction and death of a loved one as well. So, if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. It's titled, "My daughter treats me like [ __ ] and worships her deadbeat dad." Throw away account because she knows my man. My kid's dad died 9 years ago when my daughter was 13. She's now 22. She worships his memory and often treats me very poorly. I know I make a lot of mistakes, but he was an abusive drug addict who put us through hell. I was able to shield her from a lot of it, which I'm so thankful for, but it means she has very little understanding of all the awful [ __ ] he did. I've never said a bad word about him, and I'm glad that she'll always have a perfect father instead of the deadbeat she would have eventually realized he was. It still sucks I'd have to take the brunt of her anger and trauma, cuz I'm here an imperfect human. Well, he gets to be forever faultless. I'll always be there for her. Imperfect, but here still. I love her more than words can express.

[00:23:08]Some days are just really hard. Come says, "I think your daughter is old enough to know the truth. She's an adult. It might be the only thing that can save your relationship because she is living in a delusion that is making her angrier and angrier." Once kids know what their parents went through, they begin to see them as real people and not just parents. She might be angry at first, but she needs a one living parent. So, she has to let go of the dead one. The false idea she has of him.

[00:23:34]Opie says, "I don't disagree with you, but I can't get her there. She would just resent me more. I'm hopeful she'll get there on her own eventually. All I can really do right now is be there for her when she's ready." The comed says, "You don't need to tell her." What's that going to do? People act like she'll automatically switch and start worshiping you and hating her dad. She's still young and give her time to figure it out. Hope says, "Thank you. The situation is far more complex and I can put into a few paragraphs, especially if I want to keep it anonymous. Most days are better than yesterday. I just was feeling down and needed to vent about the unfairness of it all for a minute.

[00:24:09]Today has been much better. Come says, "How much does she even know? He might have done an extra good job shielding her from the ugly truth." Opie says she knows enough to put the pieces together when she's willing. She'll get there when she's ready. And it came nearly 6 months later that OP came back into the post and says, "I posted a few months ago about my daughter treating me terribly while nearly defying her dead dad who was extremely abusive while he was alive. Over the next few weeks, she became more and more hostile to me."

[00:24:40]She'd also tell me about extremely concerning decisions she was making and was starting to sound more and more unstable. She lives on her own, 30 minutes away near the state university, so it's very difficult for me to give her the little bit of help she would allow. Long story short, she ended up in inpatient care and where she was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia. She is now medicated and is doing much better, though still struggling in many ways. Turns out all of the hostility towards me was based on delusions she was having about me. Now that she is medicated, we're back to talking nearly every day. I love her so much. I'm so scared for what the future will hold for her. This is such a scary diagnosis and it has not been all smooth sailing. But I'm also just glad to understand what is happening to her and to be able to get her the support and care she needs. To the people who declared I was clearly a terrible mother and they knew exactly why my daughter hated me, who demanded I tell her the truth immediately. Please let this be a lesson to you if I'd listened to your advice. My daughter might very well be dead right now. Life is not a movie where there is always an easy obvious correct answers and nothing bad will happen if if you just do the things the right way. When in doubt, choose to be kind. You don't know the whole story. You don't know the perfect solution. Life is not as easy as Reddit commenters make it seem. Commenter one says that is a scary diagnosis, but so happy she found help. Sending hugs.

[00:26:00]Commenter says, "As a psychologist, want to assure you that considering the fact that it seems like she got a diagnosis fairly quickly after the first onset of symptoms and the meds are helping, she may be able to live a normal life if she sticks to taking her meds, meeting with her doctor, and ideally a psychologist to accept a diagnosis. Schizophrenia can cause brain damage during psychotic breaks. So, I really hope that she keeps taking her medication. Hugs. And one more commenter says, "She's lucky to have you, miss. I hope the best for you and your daughter." Wow. I wasn't expecting that. I mean, I should have with the trigger warnings, right? But like the commenters were saying, I'm just so glad that she's got help and she's on medication and hopefully she sticks to it as well. What an absolute scary situation for them all to be in.

[00:26:45]But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So, thank you so so much for being here truly. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.