DECLUTTERING... with GRIEF

Added: 2026-05-06

[00:00:03]I'm needing deep breaths already. Okay, these are  my mom's clothes. I did this to myself. My mother passed away in May of 2023. So, we're at threeear  mark here. My father has started to clean out her stuff. He was ready. Um, and he did a great job.  And I did ask to be afforded the opportunity to also go through her things before we donate  them. So I did this to myself. I requested this and it's been sitting here on my treadmill in my  bedroom next to my side of the bed for a few weeks because I have been ignoring the emotional  depth that this is going to require of me.

[00:00:52]I tend not to force decluttering, but these are  not my things. These are my mother's things. And all I really wanted was an opportunity to save  a couple of things. And I feel like it's going to be really hard because it's might even still  smell like her. Um it and if it doesn't, that's okay. But it's definitely going to be an exercise  in processing grief again uh in losing her. And so I I am filming this even though it's super  personal. I'm filming this because we all face grief at some point. And if you haven't yet, you  are lucky. Um, and if you have, you know what it's like to clean out someone's home, to deal with  the belongings they left behind. And on YouTube, if you've if you've pouted around enough in  decluttering, you might see something like a Swedish death cleaning where people are cleaning  out their homes before they die so that people don't have to do this. Um, and my mother didn't  die with the intention of leaving me 10 bags of clothes to sort through. Certainly not. She would  not want me getting upset or spending a ton of time on this. That is not what she would want. She  would want her memory honored. She would want to share a moment with me as I do remember her. She  would want me to keep anything that I might wear, keep something for my daughter to wear, and then  move on with my life. That is what she would want.

[00:02:21]So, I'm going to have to perpetually remind  myself as I start to do this. I'm just going to pick the closest one. And we're just going  to do it. And we're going to do it together.

[00:02:41]I don't know if I can do this.

[00:02:50]Okay.

[00:02:56]She's 100% Italian and she would tell me to get it together and that they're just  clothes and they're not her and that honoring the moment. I want to honor the moment. I want  to honor her. Remember her and her amazingness.

[00:03:22]Okay. Decluttering with grief and  decluttering after a loved one dies, I think is the hardest thing I've ever had  to do. And I have done this on YouTube now.

[00:03:36]Decluttering for seven years. and dealing with  my mom's stuff and my brother's stuff was the absolute hardest part of decluttering  and learning how to declutter and just um and I and I have donated thousands of  things and got rid of so much stuff over the years in my own journey that I thought  I had some pretty good decluttering muscles, but then when they died, I didn't. I realized  it's difficult even if you know what you're doing.

[00:04:11]All right, I'm moving that one over. I'm not  I'm not ready to deal with that one. Okay, I'm going to try to pick something easier.  I'm going to try to pick something easier.

[00:04:25]Okay, trying it on is not going to  help my process. It's going to make me want to keep stuff more. I can do hard  things. I can do hard things. My mother would tell me to carry every single  bag to Goodwill and be done with it.

[00:04:46]She'd be like, "Stop wasting your time.  Go hang out with your children." That's what she would say. All right,  I'm good. That's really cute. I actually remember when she wore these.  I think I might have bought it for her.

[00:05:11]Okay. Um, I bought her these jeans. They're one size smaller than I am now. It  is a size I'm trying to get to.

[00:05:30]All right, I'm going to keep these.

[00:05:36]I also I don't I'm not a fan of keeping clothes  that are too small because it's like a reminder if you don't ever get there of like, oh,  you had a goal, you failed, whatever. Um, so but these are No, if I get down to this  size, I will treat myself to a new pair of jeans. I'm going to I'm going to donate this  forward to someone who needs jeans. Now, I'm not I'm doing all right. We're doing all  right. I'm all right now. We're cruising.

[00:06:15]It's really soft. It's very cute.

[00:06:25]It's huge for my daughter. That's  what I was just thinking. But no.

[00:06:39]Okay, we're doing okay. I don't have any I don't  have anything that's like a resounding yes. So, if it's not a resounding yes, it's a no. No. Um,  my dad did go through when he packed this up. He went through this with a friend of his. All of  this stuff and they kept anything was a size small um for my grandmother and cuz she's still  around and she needs some clothes. So, do that. Okay. This whole bag can  be donated and I'm okay with it.

[00:07:13]Nothing from here that I feel like I need to keep.  I'm just going to take a second hug this back.

[00:07:22]This was all right. I'm all right  now that I had my initial emotional moment. I feel good about this now.  I feel like I should keep going and and try to have some progress.  Let's pull this one. Good gravy.

[00:07:46]Gosh, I got to stop this. I feel like  I can go faster now because now I feel like I'm looking for something that  speaks to me immediately and is an immediate yes. Otherwise, it's a  no. And that's okay. Couple jeans.

[00:08:11]That's It's like really soft.

[00:08:17]Hi, Mom.

[00:08:20]My daughter. This might fit my daughter.  So, do I do that to her? Do I want her?

[00:08:33]That was kind of itchy. No.

[00:08:35]It's probably why my mom didn't wear it, maybe.  Anyway, just black shirt. There are a lot of things in this bag. I think when I'm done this  bag, I'm going to be done for this day because I'm feeling I'm feeling pretty drained. I  remember my mom wearing this all the time.

[00:08:58]Face mask. Little hard on it.

[00:09:03]should probably made that jeans. Okay.  If it's not a resounding yes, it's a no, shirt.

[00:09:24]These are all size smalls as well. I  am not a size small, so that helps me.

[00:09:48]This is my wedding dress garlet bag. There's the  the receipt. But we chopped up my wedding dress and made Wait, my mother chopped up my wedding  dress and made Christmasing gowns for my kids.

[00:10:07]What's left? This is my wedding dress.

[00:10:18]What is happening right now? What  is happening right now? Wait, is this my mother's? This is my mother's  wedding dress when she married my stepdad.

[00:10:32]Yes. Okay. I was like, what is happening?  Cuz there was like nothing left of mine.

[00:10:37]This is my mom's. And she married my dad after I  married my husband. Uh well, my step my stepdad um 2014 I think they got married. No, 200  2012 I think they got married. This was her wedding dress. Well, that's great. What do I  do with that? Well, it's not a resounding yes that I would keep it to wear it, but it's not  it's not a no. What? What? What? What? Okay.

[00:11:19]This is not something I would donate. At least not at this time. This is not  something that I'm feeling like, yep, I could get rid of that. I'm not feeling that  right now. So, I'm going to keep this. I have an extra closet in my bedroom where we just throw  stuff. So, I think I will I will put it in there.

[00:11:43]Comment on the wedding dress. Comment below.

[00:11:48]Did you Did your mother pass and you had  her wedding dress? What did you do with it?

[00:11:58]There are a lot of clothes in this bag.

[00:12:06]Um, I was not expecting a wedding  dress in the middle of a bag.

[00:12:16]Wonder if my dad even knew  what that was. Probably did.

[00:12:27]He hit he hit a purge mode and he's like wants  to paint the house. He wants to put up different decorations. So, he's he's trying to figure  out his life again. I love that for him. And so he said goodbye to all of these. I  am saying goodbye to all of these.

[00:12:55]It has thumb holes. So I'm trying it on.

[00:13:06]It's too small.

[00:13:12]This is more thermos. The year before  we figured out what was making her sick, cancer. She was cold all the time. And I  um bought her thermals to wear in the house and stuff cuz she just couldn't get warm.  So, I think that was probably one of them.

[00:13:40]Wow, this is kind of cool.  This is a champion medium.

[00:13:53]I like it. It has like a velvet  line on the shoulder. Okay, we're almost to the bottom of the  bag. or the bottom of the bag.

[00:14:08]Okay. All right. We got two bags that were  saying we're good to go. This one I couldn't deal with yet. That was just too difficult  where and I hadn't found my stride yet. Um, so and I I the idea of going through this emotion  eight more times right now isn't isn't what I can do. This is I think too small probably. Oh,  maybe not. What do I think? It's cute. I bought this for her cuz I haven't been paying No, it's  too it's too small. Mother was smaller than me.

[00:14:48]two bags of donations that I feel um  perfectly fine uh donating. I I don't have any issues about dropping these bags off  at uh um shelter. I'm going to take them to uh our homeless shelter that's in our  area. They have a clothing closet and um I'm going to donate all of this to this  because these were all I mean in decent shape.

[00:15:19]I didn't see anything that was questionable.  So that's where I'm going to donate these. And now that I also just decided  where I want to take her things, this just felt infinitely easier. I'm going  to I'm going to try to do another one.

[00:15:42]It's just a lot, isn't it? It's just It's just  a lot. He really stuffed these bags. Okay.

[00:15:57]My mom liked to wear button-d downs, sweatpants  or pants. Okay. This looks like a bag of pants.

[00:16:07]Therefore, that's going to be  really easy. These are random.

[00:16:32]Bunch of like decorative paper hearts, little  baby shoes none of my kids wore, and a pacifier.

[00:16:46]It looks like a used pacifier though. Who's it? Says it's like a not a toy.  Decorative use only. I'm going to throw this away. I don't know  who that look or what she bought.

[00:17:04]Maybe she just bought it and then  forgot she bought it. Pants. Pants.

[00:17:13]pants. More pants. These are  all These are all That's soft.

[00:17:24]Please be her old size. She  used to be bigger than me.

[00:17:33]Nope. Darn. Those are soft.

[00:17:43]Okay, this is there's more than pants in here. I don't my brothers.

[00:18:07]Oh, I think this is a bit of  stuff that she made after he died.

[00:18:26]Some kind of a book he wrote about  himself. Never saw that before.

[00:18:38]This is a book he wrote too like school or something 1991. It  says this is our life. The be family went on vacation. We got lost on a major  highway. Then my sister started talking about her new boyfriend. And when my dog  barked and her Christmas tree fell over.

[00:19:10]This is a paper I wrote and my dad died. This is  awful. This is a bummer of a video. Okay. Death is difficult at every age to accept. Death  of a parent is difficult. Many feelings and insecurities develop through the death. But in  the end, everything has a way of working out.

[00:19:30]It's like a super weird letter I  wrote 30 years ago to myself now.

[00:19:41]Okay. This is a journal of times  when my brother ate and peed and pooped when he was first born.  This is a paper my brother wrote in school that she saved. Okay. That was a  fun journey. Um, makes me wonder what this is.

[00:20:06]I don't know. I don't know.  No money in the money bag.

[00:20:22]Well, this this bag sucks.

[00:20:27]I'll just donate that, too. Okay.  Okay. I got nothing left to give to this project. Okay. I'm going to keep this stuff.

[00:20:40]I don't know if she made  this after my brother died, before. I don't know. But I have a  box in my closet for him. One for him, one for her. I like a memory box. So, I'm  just gonna put those things in his memory box.

[00:21:04]I made this. Yep.

[00:21:10]I made this.

[00:21:14]I think I made it for a dog.

[00:21:20]One more thing. Oh, an empty jewelry box.  Finally, something easy. Okay. And just one less pair of pants. And now this bag is empty,  too. Okay. I'm putting that empty jewelry box, pants, this book. I'm I'm going to I'm going to  put this blanket back in the bag. I'm going to put all of these pants back in the bag. Okay. What  do we got left? One, two, three, four. four bags.

[00:21:55]Definitely. I'm not doing it today. Um I  feel like I need a nap. That was that was emotionally draining. I feel like I need a nap.  Okay, I'm going to take three bags over to the um donation closet for the homeless shelter. I  feel really good about all of these. I have no qualms about getting rid of any of the pants or  the shirts that were in here. Kind of glad that I found this. got to sit with my brother again  for a moment. That's kind that was kind of nice.

[00:22:24]Now that I've once once I kind of like have the  initial cry, um then I have appreciation for the moment again. And so it's like coming back  together with that immediate grief that happens when someone dies and then remembering like we're  okay, it's been years, we're just reconnecting for this moment and then we're going to move back  on again. So I have buried both my parents and my brother now and grandparents, friends and  I have learned that you you figure out how to step forward carrying various types of grief or  size of grief. Some days grief feels really big and heavy and some days it feels like it could fit  into my pocket and I'm good to go. Um and I have learned that you never really let go of grief.  You just reconnect with it. And it just feels a little smaller each time you reconnect with it  and reframing it as honoring that person when and their life they did have here on Earth and  that I still get to talk to them, which I do. And I believe that they hear me. Their spirit hears  me. So, um, I'm glad I did this today. I'm sorry if I bummed you out. My point was to motivate  you to declutter, which I did in this video, didn't I? Decluttered three bags of clothes.  Uh, it was just a really sad, depressing way to get there today. I apologize for that part. Okay,  we're in my storage closet. Those are the keepsake boxes my brother and my mom mixed up there. And  then that's her wedding dress I just hung there.

[00:24:22]And I put my some of my winter coats in here. Um,  so I'm going to tuck this here because I I don't I can't reach them safely without tipping  everything out of the box. So I'm going to put that there. I hope you're doing well and I'll  leave another video here for you next. Take care.