Why You Feel Lost When Your Life Is Actually Fine

Added: 2026-05-29

[00:00:00]Today we have to talk about when nothing in your life is technically wrong but you feel lost. You feel like something is shifting. Something that you probably can't even make any sense of at this stage. Look, many of you know that I have been going through a major major life transition in the last three years.

[00:00:21]And frankly, it has felt a bit like a midlife crisis. Even though I'm only 40, I know, but one can still have a midlife crisis, believe it or not. I've decided to report alive from this at times very miserable place to be in and uh a lot of the things that I'm experiencing are very fresh. So I'm I'm I'm doing some content about it. I'm calling it the starting over series. I've already made a few videos so go check them out afterwards if you haven't. But so today I want to talk to you about this very strange initial stage that happens before perhaps a midlife crisis emerge or a life transition emerge. You know the phase when we are starting to feel something shift inside us and we're like what is this like why is this even happening? I mean I don't even understand what this is about because my life is great. I don't have any problems or I don't have any serious things like why would I start feeling different about my life when it's when it's working perfectly fine.

[00:01:27]But so I want to talk to you about about that first initial horrible stage because ladies, I was actually stuck in mine for a long period of time because I had no idea what was happening. I wish I had this video then. Now look, we're also going to be talking about when is it just a phase and when is it a major life change emerging within you or need for a life change like we're going to talk about that as well but before I want to really go into like the first initial things that are going to happen to you in case they're already happening and you're like what is this you know I want to be why am I like this I don't want to be like this you know I want to be normal don't worry that's perfectly normal in this situation to to think one thing that I want you to know is that often times before these big life changes or life shifts happen you are going to experience usually an internal shift before meaning that you're not going to have like a major breakdown happen one day and so that's why you start thinking about your life I mean it may happen but usually it starts very quietly and subtly inside yourself Okay. So, you might not just one day wake up and you want to burn down your life. You might not one day be like, "Oh, I'm having a major crisis.

[00:02:51]This is it." You know, how it often times feel for many people is that initially they just are feeling like something is a little bit off. Okay? Not because something has happened, not because there is a crisis or a sudden urge. remember just some different feelings, maybe some different thoughts, unusual thoughts you're having. Um, and I think in the beginning a lot of people spend a lot of time just trying to make sense of what this shift is about, like what these thoughts are about, like why why am I having these emotions and and how come I'm feeling like this? Now, one thing I want you to know is that a lot of people they of course they they enter some form of big life transition or either midlife crisis or whatever, right? Because of some external event that kind of triggers it all and acts like a catalyst. And that usually is actually a little bit easier almost even if it can be incredibly painful because you're not in control over these uh over this change. It has been forced upon you that change. But at least you know you have a story that explains your state of mind because let's say your husband wants a divorce. Okay, you can be like, "Okay, well, I'm feeling like crap today because I'm experiencing grief, overwhelm, this and that." You know, it's uh very difficult this transition because of this divorce. And so when you're you're talking to people, when you're you know understanding your own self and how to move forward, there is some form of navigation because you have a story to tie your feelings to. But if you are initiating a transition yourself, often times it is because you have these first feeling emerge within you and they oftenimes don't really carry a story. Okay, they might be connected to something specific that has happened. True. But often times they don't. Oftentimes you just feel different. You feel weird. You feel lost. You feel numb. You feel less excited. You feel a bunch of different things.

[00:05:02]And you might not understand why you are feeling these things. Okay. So the point that I'm trying to make is that it becomes very hard to justify whatever you are experiencing and and to make sense of it all because it doesn't carry a story. Gosh, I hope you're understanding what I mean. But for me personally, this has been a very very very difficult stage to be in. And so when the internal life is shifting, okay, you are starting to change a little bit inside but the external life like your regular life in terms of like your day-to-day your goals uh your ambitions you know your uh mindset your values like everything is operating as per normal but your internal self is shifting. There's it's almost like it becomes like a mismatch and that is what causes this feeling of disorientation of feeling lost confused because inside you are kind of moving towards something else but on the outside you're operating as per normal like in the old self you know in my case I must tell you ladies I had no idea that I was going through a major transition in my life until much later. I just thought like, okay, well, I guess I'm just, you know, thinking a bit differently now, you know, or just I feel a bit different. I had no idea that what I was actually experiencing was like a midlife crisis type of thing or let's call it more like identity shift and life transition because I didn't even have those labels. I was actually stuck for a very very long period of time not really understanding what was happening because I was like okay I know something is shifting but I have no idea what this is and this is by the way one of the reasons to why I'm making this starting over series because we have to just make sense of it all. That's sometimes the only way of how to be to get unstuck and move forward like when you get clarity you know another thing that personally happened to me was that I started experiencing a lot of guilt okay and the guilt is apparently very common especially I mean for us people who live in western countries because a lot of people let's say again as of maybe their mid or late 30s up until who knows what age might start feeling like, wow, I I'm I'm feeling misaligned somehow. I'm not into this as before. I feel different. I want to make changes. But then you're like, but why do I want to make these changes? I mean, my life is great. I worked so hard to achieve these things. I have no reason to complain. I mean, look at other people. I mean, they would love to be in my situations. Or look at other people. they have real problems. I feel like I'm inventing problems to myself at this stage because my life is fine. I should just be grateful and carry on, you know, and that, let me tell you, creates loads of guilt. You start feeling guilty because you have a bunch of good things in your life, but now let's say you want something different. And you know what I have learned in the midst of all of this? two things can really be true at once. I mean, it sounds a bit like a cliche, and maybe it is, but I've noticed how you can absolutely be grateful and feel incredibly privileged about your life, but you can still be having valid feelings of misalignment.

[00:08:48]Gratitude and misalignment can coexist together at the same time. Like, you can still feel so grateful for what you have and so misaligned at the same time.

[00:09:01]That took me a long time before I fully understood that that was okay to feel.

[00:09:07]Okay. And I think a lot of people really do get stuck in the initial stages because they feel incredibly guilty, you know, and they might even experience high levels of shame. And so you might start feeling like, okay, I shouldn't be having these feelings. So you might even start rejecting those feelings. And and that's not necessarily good because you do want to allow yourself to feel what you truly feel and listen to yourself, you know, in the midst of that because in the end maybe that voice inside you is trying to tell you something that is worth listening to and maybe eventually you start actually making some life changes because of that voice. Life changes that are necessary for you to make. Another feeling of shame that I think happens as well is that when you are experiencing a lot of internal shifts, they act a bit like invisible problems. Okay, again you might feel guilty like oh am I making up these invisible problems to myself. Invisible problems feels in a way harder to talk to people about or even voicing even sometimes to yourself. People are asking you how are you? you're saying, "Well, you know what? I've been maybe experiencing some depression or I've been feeling really off. Um, I can't really explain what it is." And so then people start like, "Okay, but is everything okay in your life?" You know, and people try to kind of make sense of it like, "Is your work okay? Is your relationship okay? Has something happened?" You know, and you're there like, "Well, kind of nothing has happened, you know."

[00:10:41]But so why this becomes an issue is because when something so internal is happening and you can't really kind of make sense of it all and give a a story to people about it almost makes it feel a bit isolating because it's hard to talk about something where even you don't understand what's happening. You just know something is off and that's it. You can't explain it more than that. And it almost feels easier not to talk to people about it because a you might not want to worry people, you know, and b there isn't that much to add because obviously people will want to know more and so on. So in my case as an example, I I've kind of kept a lot of this to myself and I'm not saying that's what you should be doing by the way because I think it always does help to to share you know your burdens with others.

[00:11:34]uh but I don't know it has been so incredibly isolating to carry this and to try to explain it to people and few people will understand unless they have really experienced it themselves you know and in my particular case as well just as like a little side note because you know I do make content about things that I learn in life things that I experience and I love being authentic here with you but even I have struggled to talk about in great detail about what I am experiencing because I mean I've been thinking to myself like my goodness this sounds so unrelatable. I mean people are going to look at me and be like okay she has leveled up her life her life is fine. Why is she complaining? It's like she's making stuff up just to have luxury problems almost. And that's what I mean you know when I say that a lot of people in western countries do start feeling these things at some point and yeah they will feel quite isolated because you have it so good. Why are you complaining? Why are you inventing problems for yourself when there are others who have it much much worse than you? Why do you now want to change your life or turn it upside down when you don't have to? But so how do we know when something is just a phase or a funk or whether we should really be taking those feelings seriously and listen to what what our internal self is telling us like how do we know the difference between the face and reality I guess now look I first and foremost want to tell you and a little disclaimer at the same time that obviously nothing is ever set in stone and uh I don't want to be sitting being here influencing you to to make some really big life changes. I'm just here sharing kind of what I have experienced and my thoughts around it. Um, and as well what I've seen among my my research into this topic. First and foremost, I want to say that if something used to energize you, but now feels more like is draining you.

[00:13:39]Not because something is necessarily bad or you have changed your opinion about something, but it could simply be because okay, you have grown out of something. It might belong to an older version of you. And I would also say similarly, you know, when your goals no longer feels like they create excitement because we all always have goals in our lives, right? Like me as an example, I used to have so many level up goals. But then one day I was like, I'm not really I don't really care for this goal anymore. You know, this goal doesn't give me anything. I don't get like any excitement anymore from this or whatever it used to give me. It might really feel like that emotional charge is gone.

[00:14:22]I used to really really love a lot to do with like the finer things in life and luxury and things like that. And even though I still like you know that to a certain extent I was so much more into that side of life before because I used to get like I don't know some form of like big level excitement around all of that. But then one day I was like huh I don't feel as exciting as it used to be.

[00:14:51]I feel like other things are exciting me more now and that was like a very good sign that okay maybe I am growing out of something you know shifting interest somehow now if you're also starting to kind of fantasize about something completely different in your life I had it a lot with like simplifying my life changing direction or starting over sometimes even disappearing I was like oh what will happen if I would just like completely disappear from, I don't know, YouTube or these social circles or whatever, right? And so yeah, you don't necessarily have to act entirely on those fantasies. But I think when you really start thinking deeply about what if I really live differently than what I am doing today and you are imagining how that would look like and you're maybe even getting a little bit excited about that potential reality.

[00:15:49]I started having a major shift about how I just wanted a more kind of nature style life. I always used to associate that life a little bit negatively. I don't know why. It's just my own stupid thing in my head. But like I'm like but oh but I'm not the kind of you know granola eating hippie. You know that's so not my type. And nothing wrong with that type, but you know, it's just so different to to me, which is more, I guess, you know, a girl who likes the finer things in life and aesthetics and that kind of thing. But I do think in my soul, I must be that a granola eating hippie because I am maybe drawn to a lot of those things like nature and slower type of lifestyle and I don't know, growing your own food or something, you know. uh I am drawn to those things and so I started to have a lot of these uh new interest pop up in my life and I was like why am I interested in how to manage your own land how to drive a tractor you know I don't know I'm like I used to be interested in Hermes bags and now I want to learn how to drive a tractor you know but that's the thing sometimes it is a little bit like that and you might not even take yourself seriously. I certainly did not take myself seriously, but I think it's important to listen to what that voice tells you. Another subtle sign might be when you start feeling really detached from the identity that people associate you with.

[00:17:24]Because of course, people see one version of you perhaps, but inside of yourself, you might already in a sub on a subconscious level be associating yourself very differently. I had that as well, you know, especially I think a lot of people who maybe know me more as an acquaintance or a friend. A lot of people are like, "Oh, well, Anna, you're so nice and elegant and you know, you like that whole elegant thing." And I was like, "Yeah, but that's actually so not the entire side of me." And I started to feel like, yeah, that's true.

[00:17:58]there is a side of me who who still likes that but actually I don't really feel like the elegant identity is is accurate for me anymore. I don't know.

[00:18:09]And so that usually says that okay you might internally growing somewhere else but your external hasn't yet caught up.

[00:18:17]You know, please do know whatever I am mentioning, it does sound like you might already be kind of understanding what you want. But I do know that in the very very early stages, you might often times know what you don't want, but you have no idea what you actually want. Okay? So this new version of yourself has not really emerged yet. You just kind of know what you are done with. And so that is also very important to to know that no need to put pressure on yourself to know what you should be doing, what you should be wanting, what kind of identity you should be having, what kind of lifestyle you should be living etc. Now these are just a few samples of uh you know some subtle signs. I would say there there are probably so many more. But one thing is for sure and this is what I personally did when I started to to feel like I was having a yeah a change of heart emerge within me. My first instinct which really proved to be right was that I was like okay you know what let me do a time test because I need to know is this just a phase or is this kind of I guess my new reality you know. Um so I let this rest for about six months. I'm not saying you have to let it rest for six months. Maybe you need less time than that. But for sure that can give you some clarity whether you know this is just a funk or not. Sometimes you might even need to take some specific action.

[00:19:45]Maybe you need to go on a holiday. Maybe you need to take proper rest. Maybe you need to fix certain problems in your life to see okay is this really a new version of you emerging or were you just tired or did you just need a break? You know, listen ladies, I want you to know that if you are in a confused place, it is often times the first sign that maybe this is the beginning of a transition.

[00:20:13]I'm not saying it is. I'm not making any claims here, but confusion is often times a very good tell. And that is because the old is now losing its grip on you or losing authority in your life.

[00:20:28]But the new has not yet found its direction.

[00:20:33]So you are there kind of I don't know figuring things out and therefore you are quite confused. So start listening to whatever your voice is telling you.

[00:20:43]I'm not saying go up and blow up your life today. No. And please do not panic either because I know that if you are going to embark on a transition, it can feel like quite an uphill. It certainly have been like that for me. But I want you to know that even in the darkest hour, it has still been been so worth it. Even if I'm not yet out on on the other side yet completely, but I do know that living in alignment is ultimately what's going to always bring you the most happiness in life, the most peace.

[00:21:17]And so even if it's going to be a little bit painful at times to get to that alignment or you have to take some difficult decision or decisions or you have to you know turn your life upside down for for some time in the end I believe that it's going to be worth it.

[00:21:36]I really do believe it. Living authentically and living in alignment. I don't know. I really feel like this is the feeling the ultimate feeling of freedom. And I think we all want to be in that state of equilibrium, I guess, where we feel this is what we truly want to do in life. This is truly how we want to live. And so I think everything is worth it to get