Child Expert Phelona Ojeomogha Speaks On The Dangers Of Not Listening To Your Kids

Ajouté : 2026-05-28

[00:00:00]Our next guest is a woman many parents across social media absolutely love and relate to. She's a content creator, influencer, and a voice for modern motherhood and fatherhood who continue to spark meaningful consistentations around parenting, family life, and realities of being a mom and father in today's world. Please help me welcome the amazing Filona Ojo Moga. Welcome to the show.

[00:00:26]Come on.

[00:00:28]Call on my knees.

[00:00:32]>> Shake my hands.

[00:00:35]>> I'll lead you to where you belong or again. He call my name. He call my name.

[00:00:46]He call my name. Oh my. Yeah. He call my name.

[00:00:54]>> Say call my name. He called my name.

[00:00:58]>> He called my name. He called my name.

[00:01:02]Out of the dark. Out of the dark.

[00:01:07]He called my name.

[00:01:10]>> Thank you.

[00:01:13]>> So, she's the creator of Moms Can't Relate. And many of mothers, we all follow you. Where's the mic? Oh, the mic is right there. Sorry about that.

[00:01:24]Thank you so much for coming to the show.

[00:01:27]>> Welcome. Thank you for having me.

[00:01:29]>> Okay. So, you heard all the children's feedback.

[00:01:32]>> I heard them.

[00:01:33]>> Where do you want to start from? Because is it the one that says that the older kids feel like they have too much responsibilities or the ones that they don't listen to them or or they don't they don't allow them to choose because parents feel like they can choose better. How which one would you like to start with?

[00:01:48]>> Let me start from the last one. The choosing.

[00:01:51]>> Your parents don't allow you. Who who asked that question?

[00:01:54]>> Yes, your parents don't allow you choose, right?

[00:01:58]We would talk to them about it. They supposed to allow you choose. But this is what they are supposed to do. They will give you options and then maybe five options, three options and then you pick from one of the three. There's a place to choose. You have to start making decisions now. But guided decisions.

[00:02:15]>> So let's talk about you know this issue of firstborn. Some firstborn feel so overwhelmed with a lot of relation with um responsibility to do they have to take off the younger ones but we were growing up that is the job of the firstborn because you're like assistant mommy assistant daddy has that changed h recently I made a post on it I and a lot of nigerian parents in the comment section they went wild you know I was like no you know the the firstborn is not a parent as much as yes there's some level of pressure that should be on that first one but it shouldn't be such that the child loses themsel >> and it happens a lot in this in our Nigerian setting to be honest in Africa generally not outside ahead it's not the same but here you know you just give the firstborn all the load to carry you know you take care of your younger sibling yes it helps you become independent it helps you you know grow up uh uh uh faster but please stay a child because adulthood is serious you know In Africa, first born is a serious in fact we go for deliverance for firstborn child because it's a major prayer point your first born if the first you know so for us a big deal because you have a responsibility so my question to you as a coach is there is that how has that responsibility completely been eroded or are you saying that I mean you said we shouldn't make firstborns very responsible because they might end up being the ones guiding the youngest when they're not um around you anymore.

[00:03:43]>> I think we should make all the children responsible. The pressure should not be on the first born.

[00:03:48]>> The pressure should not be on the first clapping for >> it's it's not it's not it's not their fault that they are firstborn, right?

[00:03:54]And you have other kids. So responsibility cuts across. It's not a thing of the firstborn. Let all your children be responsible regardless of their position whether first, second, third. Yes, they are all looking up to they should look up to their parents.

[00:04:07]Actually all three children should look up to their parents because over time I've heard this and it's not even the first time children have been talking about it. Even me growing up I I am also the first one. I know my father would say everybody's looking up to me and all that. Those extra pressure is not necessary at all. All those extra pressure here please.

[00:04:29]>> It's not necessary at all.

[00:04:30]>> Yes. Okay. So now let's go into um when it comes to raising siblings you know having there's competition there's always how one child somebody talk about the comparison or the other mates are doing better or your siblings doing better than you in school why are you not pulling your weight tell us about um how do we manage when kids are not doing well in the same way >> so if a child is not doing well the parent shouldn't use the word look at other you you don't need that extra comparison because they feel less of themsel and they start questioning they start questioning their worth and their capacity. Sometimes you see children they fidget for no reason because they are like they are so afraid because mommy said I I'm not doing like the other person is doing so I try to meet up and let me say this to every parent your children constantly they are trying their best in within themsel to please us. So the least we can do is you know encourage them. There is no need for comparison. Every child is uniquely different.

[00:05:37]Adults we are all different now. You're not like your husband your husband. So I feel like the expectation is too much in as much as you know you need to tell you.

[00:05:47]>> But let me let me relax. Let me count down because there are sometimes your you want your little one to be inspired by their older brother who is doing better. So you say can't you see your brother he's doing better can't you study like your sister is studying can't you study like your you know where so that comparison sometimes helps parent helps the kids to know that okay I have somebody I can look up to who has a study plan that I can because I mean so when when we hear coaches telling us as parents don't compare how will I not compare I have there are three of you one is doing what I want them to do the other one is not doing it I should tell you to to um take some cues from your sibling >> you you can you can tell them. You can tell them to be better without necessarily comparing them.

[00:06:31]>> The point the problem is that comparison psychologically it has an effect on the children. They start seeing themselves less. And as a matter of fact, I say this all the time, it causes siblings rivalry.

[00:06:41]>> Sometimes, you know, the the other child that is always compared, oh, look at this one that is doing well. Oh, mommy loves this one more. That's how that's what that's what they are seeing.

[00:06:50]They're not they're not hearing you. All they are seeing is, oh, there is favoritism. there is mommy refers this child why not tell them okay do this because this is this is the outcome this is the expected outcome instead of comparing them literally >> can I can I ask our kids does anybody here feel like somebody is more loved than they are like someone's sibling is more loved let me come to you pass the mic next to let me pass the mic and see why you think so where's the microphone yes tell us you spoken you spoken right okay I've not spoken go ahead your name >> my name are now.

[00:07:25]>> Okay.

[00:07:27]>> Do you think anybody's loved more than you?

[00:07:30]>> Yes.

[00:07:30]>> Yes. Okay. Why? Because they get more candy or they get what?

[00:07:36]Why?

[00:07:38]>> There are two people I think are more love than >> who and who?

[00:07:42]>> The last born.

[00:07:43]>> The last born. They always get our attention. I know. My own last one too feels is the most loved. Okay. And who else?

[00:07:52]Okay. Okay, let me pass the mic to somebody else. I think somebody behind you. Right behind you. Yes. Thank you, darling. Yes, >> I feel my name is Inade and I feel like two people are mostly loved than me.

[00:08:04]>> Who?

[00:08:05]>> My the one younger than me and then the the third one. The younger The third younger one.

[00:08:13]>> Okay. They're both younger than you.

[00:08:14]They're both younger than you.

[00:08:15]>> Yes. And like the first born to them like the They always get what they want.

[00:08:20]Like anytime like I like I try to correct them, they just start the last one just starts crying that why am I doing that? Why am I doing that? She tells the mom and tries to say my part they just say no no no no that this is it that don't do that again and I feel so much then the second one she always acts like don't trouble me don't do this and then they I take the four part of the choice she just takes the three then she'll add the extra one to me so that makes it two and and five and it just feels >> but the truth thank you so much but the truth is that our parents actually love us equally but they love us differently so your parents so you might things because my my own last one two thinks I love him more than the other siblings and the other siblings think I love him more but actually I love them equally but they are all different so don't ever feel that somebody is more loved than you I like somebody else to share with cuz I have a coach here who'll be advising our prayers on how to treat us better yes sir okay over here where's where's the mic yeah let's take the young man at the back and then we can come back to our coach yes sir >> my name is Alend and I am from leading edge school >> okay >> so anytime time my younger brother always say, "Mommy, I want to buy this."

[00:09:32]My mom will buy it for him. So when it's my turn, I'll say, "Mommy, I want to buy this." She will just give me a slap.

[00:09:40]>> Okay? All right. So listen, I want you I don't want you to leave here thinking anybody loves your sibling more than you. I'm a parent and I can tell you for free, you're loved equally. You know, you just have different personalities.

[00:09:55]Coach, can you help us in this situation? How do you tell the kids?

[00:10:00]>> So there is really almost every parent on planet earth love their children equally.

[00:10:07]>> Yes.

[00:10:08]>> But the truth is somehow they deal with children differently. And that's one of the reasons I tell parents you have to be sensitive. Watch your children. You know, don't end up sewing seeds that you did not plan.

[00:10:20]>> You know, it's it's very important. But your parents love you equally. They want the best for you. Every child is different and they do what is tailored for your needs. Do you understand?

[00:10:31]>> These are your kids. So the the the final questions on this matter is what can parents do especially all the kids on the that spoke they all have the similar thing in common where is the last born that seems to be love and that's almost across the world. The last one is the one that that that sleeps on the bed you know with with the with the parents. All the kids have already moved to the other room. So what can we do to help the last kids but not the older kids feel loved as much as the um the last kids?

[00:10:58]>> Okay. So there's something I do all the time with my boys. Uh we have a very busy life. Nigerians anywhere parents are always busy.

[00:11:08]>> Intentionally create time for each child differently.

[00:11:12]>> You don't do it together. Don't spend time with all the children. Yes, it's good sometimes but you know but what is what will be more meaningful to them is that individual time if you are so busy take 10 10 to 15 minutes in a day spend it with one child find out what's going on with them if they have a particular game that they love to do play with them you and that child it's it's even beautiful to go on a date with that child it doesn't have to be anywhere serious a drive in the park go out shopping together with one have it for every single child you have and you will see how drastically your relationship with your children would feel differently. Everyone will feel really really loved at the end of the day.

[00:11:56]>> I love that. Please that deserves a round of applause. So I'm very curious.

[00:11:59]How did you come about mom can relate?

[00:12:02]What what was that? How did it start?

[00:12:04]>> Okay. So I have been on social media for many years and so I I just told myself it was time to create a community where I can give back from what I know and enjoy doing which is parenting my boys you know I had taken prior to this time I had taken several courses you know I really I I I do so much for parenting like I take it very personal so I've been going for courses and all that so I'm like okay I enjoy doing this thing effortlessly that's an area I should look at and then I started but how you balance because we see the pictures, the kids, the intentionality when you go to church, take pictures. How you doing the balance of parenting and you know being a wife?

[00:12:41]>> Okay. So I I the best way I can answer that is a routine. I have a routine. It makes it easier for me. I start anything regarding the moms can relate. It happens when the kids have gone to bed.

[00:12:54]>> So I make them go to bed early, >> right?

[00:12:56]>> Then I have time for other things. Then I do so even maybe during the day I might get inspiration here and there. I I drop a voice note to myself. Okay.

[00:13:04]>> Then I'll go back to eat when I have time at the end of the day. So the thing is structure routines. It helps me balance a whole lot. That's it.

[00:13:12]>> So when you're off camera, what's what are you like?

[00:13:17]>> Oh. Um I'm a wife and a mom.

[00:13:21]>> And you obviously love being a mom.

[00:13:24]>> And that's that's the best part of my existence, you know, being a mom, you know. I'm a wife and a mom. I I I sometimes I post on my stories. You see me on the ground playing with my boys.

[00:13:34]They're not so young. Oh, one is eight, one is 10. You know these ch I nothing nothing makes me as happy as spending time with my children. Once I'm off the camera, I'm running to their room.

[00:13:46]They're even waiting for me. If I'm shooting content, they'll be like, "Wow, how many more minutes should we give you because we can't wait for you to be done?" You know, we go out, we play, we we do so much together. Something happens at school. It doesn't matter what it is. The boys cannot wait to tell me.

[00:14:01]>> Wow. Your best friends.

[00:14:03]>> You know I am.

[00:14:05]>> So where do you hope to take this community to going forward as we wrap this?

[00:14:08]>> Uh we are building different things. We are creating books. Uh we are we are building um we want to have it offline too. Just besides the online community, we want to have it physically where we can all share and help each other grow as parents. Yes. That's where we see it going from many years from now.

[00:14:29]>> Thank you so much for coming to the show to share with us and teach our parents how to do. Did you guys get some value from her?

[00:14:35]>> Should I allow one question?

[00:14:38]>> Okay.

[00:14:38]>> Somebody who has not spoken. No, let me see. I've not heard from you. The lady with the red watch. Where's the microphone, please? You've spoken now.

[00:14:47]Do you have a question?

[00:14:48]>> She didn't answer your question. Yeah.

[00:14:50]Please pass the mic back to her.

[00:14:52]We pass the mic back to her. Where's the mic on this side?

[00:14:56]>> Okay, it's with you. Okay, so just the two of you. Go ahead, ma'am.

[00:14:58]>> Yeah. Good afternoon.

[00:14:59]>> Good afternoon.

[00:15:00]>> My question was about the matter of freedom.

[00:15:03]>> Okay.

[00:15:04]>> So, sometimes parent don't really give the the kids. Yes. The right to like play with others. I don't know why >> she doesn't get enough freedom. Our parents are not allowed to go to pray with other people.

[00:15:15]>> Yes. And it's your parents. They are very right on that.

[00:15:20]>> Trust me, it's it's crazy out there. If they don't guide you, you will make serious mistake. However, I think there's a place for guided um freedom, you know, it shouldn't just be, oh, take it away totally. No, you know, but I'm telling you from experience that they are seeing what you're not seeing.

[00:15:41]>> You know, you don't have to be everywhere. There should be areas that they allow you, you know, integrate.

[00:15:46]What I do also for my boys, I I select there's a there's a sneaky way I do I there's a way I I select their their friendships. So I take them out to areas that I like at least to an extent you cannot know every child but communities areas environment that I know you know have morals have some level of discipline you you know where you find the right children that's where they make their best friends from. So at the end of the day somehow it's like they have freedom because they can of course relate with those ones because I trust them and I know them.

[00:16:17]>> Thank you. Last question. Yes ma'am.

[00:16:21]>> Okay. So my name is Baba Tamaru and my question is that um parents are always afraid of raising us in the way that their parents raised them. Like what I mean is that the some parents really failed as growing up and they do not want to make the same mistakes on us.

[00:16:43]>> So like they parents very with pressure >> and keep us on edge to do this to be the best like her question now to pick friends now is always like a little of a problem. My mom does not really like care about the friends that I choose.

[00:17:03]But by the time she looks at them closely, she starts saying this is that this is that this is that. So like how do we children manage that kind of pressure from our parents?

[00:17:16]>> OKAY.

[00:17:20]>> OKAY. From first thing is just understand that your parents means well all the time. All the time. Just get that in your head. So it's almost like okay there's pressure but they mean well they mean they mean well. So if your parents let me hear the last part of the question you asked.

[00:17:41]>> So let me let me let me paraphrase. So the point is that the parents already they're coming from bad parenting. All of us had bad parents that didn't really raise us properly. So because of that they are being overbearing on the kids right now. So she's just of she she's concerned that her parents right now they're putting too much pressure on her because obviously they're coming from somewhere where they don't want you to replicate some bad behaviors. So and she's feeling that pressure. So she's saying how can they as children manage parents like that who are constantly overbearing.

[00:18:08]>> So sometimes um your mom cannot be angry all the time, right? There are times that she's >> she's she can listen.

[00:18:16]>> Yes.

[00:18:16]>> Yeah.

[00:18:16]>> Yes. So those times that she can listen, tell her you want to talk to her.

[00:18:21]Express yourself. Tell her how you feel and tell her how what she is doing is making you feel because that's not that's not her goal.

[00:18:30]>> She doesn't want that outcome.

[00:18:31]>> But unfortunately, she's just scared of the previous mistake. Any parent any any good parent will not leave their child to anything.

[00:18:40]>> Yeah, >> they will definitely guide their children. So the intention is right.

[00:18:45]>> But let her know how it makes you feel.

[00:18:48]Tell her, bail your heart to her in the most polite way.

[00:18:53]>> Fantastic. I think we can wrap with that. Thank you so much.