I'm Married But I'm Falling For My Male Friend - How Do I End This Now? | r/BestOf

Added: 2026-05-12

[00:00:02]Hey, waffle gang. I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:09]And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell, too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love, guys. Now, today's first story comes from Total Chard1273 from the relationship advice subreddit and it says, "I, female, 26, am married to my husband, male, 37. How do I break up with my friend, male, 29?

[00:00:36]This sounds ridiculous, but I'll explain. My husband and I have two kids, a house. He's incredible, and I love him with every bone in my body. He's an amazing dad and a beautiful, intelligent man. I do not want to ruin this relationship. My friend is honestly a very attractive man. This was never an issue until he went through a series of genuinely awful tragedies in his life last year. His grandma died, his dad got diagnosed with cancer, his mom died, and then he finally broke and left his very abusive ex-girlfriend who would not just threaten him, but beat him and give him black eyes and smash his house and expensive belongings to pieces. I was a shoulder to cry on during this time. and we found ourselves getting closer, especially when he opened up about the abuse because had also dealt with an abusive ex. And guys really don't often speak up about these situations. That was a turning point for us. After his breakup, I feel he started seeing me differently as more than a friend. He often says things that cross the line, at least in my opinion, but I also started feeling this emotional intimacy too. We have never hugged, kissed, touched, etc. And we don't meet up alone ever. My boundaries are firm, but we text a few times a week, and it's unfortunately full of chemistry, and honestly, it's quite flirty.

[00:01:54]Don't get me wrong, I have flirty and silly banter with all my girls and some of my male friends as a normal thing, but this is totally different. I'm developing a crush on him, and I don't think I could see him as a friend again.

[00:02:06]How do I end this before I ruin my marriage? I thought it would mentally fade, but it keeps getting stronger, and I'm worried if I don't end it now, the situation is going to be awful. The first commenter says to AP, "You have to do something now." Tell him you fear for your marriage if this continues. Tell him he is using you as a crutch. Tell him anything, but you can screw your marriage beyond repair if this continues. Smarten up now. Hope you reply saying, "I'd use these lines."

[00:02:33]Designer says, "You're essentially asking how to break up with someone you're having an emotional affair with.

[00:02:38]It is what it is, and it's what your husband would likely see it as if he knew all the details. I don't know what your husband's boundaries are. But if this is a red line for him, you need to end things with that guy cold turkey with no contact to save your marriage.

[00:02:51]No meetups for closure or anything like that. The problem with emotional affairs involving someone you know in real life, your partner will inevitably assume something physical has happened. He just doesn't have proof. Maybe he says this is true. You're absolutely right. I'll build the courage to cold turkey this ASAP.

[00:03:09]Designer replies this saying you're going to need more than courage. Courage is, for example, what you need to confess to your husband. Given how far this has gone, there's likely already some emotional distance starting to creep in between you and him. This is an eitheror situation, and there will be a lot of temptation pulling you back. He might try to guilt trip you into staying. You might find yourself wondering whether you could go back for another chat or meetup just to get it out of your system. That's dangerous.

[00:03:34]Resist it. It will hurt like a real breakup, but like losing touch with or missing a friend. Bluntly, you don't have a friend anymore. You have a man you are emotionally cheating on your husband with and it needs to stop. Not with something like, "Can we stop flirting? It's disrespectful to my husband." No, you need to cut him off completely. Opie says, "I agree. If I don't cut him off completely, I don't think I'll be able to truly stop this.

[00:03:58]It's just painful, and I will be strong and resist talking again. That will hurt, too." Realistic says, "You have to cut contact completely or you will destroy your family and marriage. you're being unfaithful.

[00:04:11]So, it was 9 days after this that Opie came back in to update the post and says, "I did it clean. Ripped the band-aid off, so to speak. It hurts a little knowing I won't have a friend in him anymore. I love my husband more than anyone in the world, so it needed to be done." It was hard noticing this was an emotional affair, but I'm really glad I did before it grew into something worse.

[00:04:31]I found out he had text my husband begging him to leave me so he could have a chance. my husband had known the whole time. I wonder if that's why you were so distant, but now my husband knows. He's helping me grieve it a little. Human relationships are so complicated, but I guess that's what makes us so unique. I hope anyone else who has been in this situation before has an opportunity to notice it developing before it becomes a real affair. It's easier to break off.

[00:04:56]Come says he texts your husband asking him to leave you. Well, that should make getting over him a lot easier. Seems he was a snake the whole time and was manipulating you. Come says, "Bingo.

[00:05:08]This should be all the closure needed.

[00:05:10]Plotting behind Opie's back. Yikes." BM says, "Coup's counseling immediately for you and your husband. Do not lean on him to grieve the loss of your friend who is actively trying to sabotage your marriage. That's not fair to your husband whatsoever. You got to work this out with a professional." Hope he replies saying, "Yeah, you're right."

[00:05:28]Another commenter says, "Have to admit that your husband is a bigger man than me." right to find my wife had an emotional affair. That would be it for me. Cheating of any nature is a hard boundary for both of us. Easy to say, but we both mean it. Since your husband is still there, work, work, work on that marriage, and never ever let a sliver of this reoccur. He might be willing to give you a chance now, but this might be your one and only, assuming that the divorce process isn't already in flight and papers are about to be served.

[00:05:57]Again, it's what I'll be doing right now.

[00:06:00]Another commenter says, "Agreed. I'd leave immediately and go find a more loyal woman. Your dignity and time are worth everything to you or should be.

[00:06:09]Thankfully, I'd regret the time I wasted with that person, but not that I left.

[00:06:13]It'd make finding a better partner easier since there wouldn't be as much of a grieving process."

[00:06:19]And there was lots of comments like that. A lot of people were saying she really needs to work on their marriage as much as they can. Other people saying they would be out of that relationship.

[00:06:27]And for me, I'm not defending emotional affairs or saying what OP did was okay because she absolutely crossed emotional boundaries. And if a partner came up to me and admitted to this, while I'd be somewhat relieved they told me, I would still feel a certain way about it at the same time, I think. And it's a good thing that she did actually recognize it before it became physical. Admit it what it was and and cut it off instead of trying to continue to justify it. But what about that update? Cuz the guy initially looked like a vulnerable guy and then this reveal about him messaging her husband. Gee, bloody whiz. He was actively trying to sabotage her marriage behind her back. But it's going to be interesting to hear from you guys on this one. What would you do in this situation? Would this be just a big nope from you and you would be out or is it something that you'd be able to work on yourselves? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story.

[00:07:20]Now, our next story comes from Unlikely Channel 478 and says, "Am I refusing to change my stance on kids after my wife gave me an ultimatum? My wife and I have been together since about a year after high school. And from the beginning, I was clear I don't want kids. That has never changed. I'm 27 male and she is 26 female." She actually agreed with me the whole time. We talked about it a lot over the years, including before we got married, and she was always on the same page, so I felt like we were solid on that. Recently, she told me she now wants kids. That caught me completely off guard. When I reminded her of everything we had talked about before, she said she thought I would eventually change my mind. We tried to talk about it, but it turned into a pretty rough conversation fast. Instead of talking it through, she basically told me that if I don't agree to have kids, she'll consider divorce or finding someone else who will. That really messed with me. It didn't feel like a discussion about our future. It felt like I was being told to either change something I've always been firm on or lose my marriage. Since then, I don't feel secure in the relationship the same way anymore. It feels like something pretty big was just dropped on me after years of thinking we're on the same page. I've also worked pretty hard on myself over the years. I got sober from alcohol 3 and 1/2 years ago, and I've been dealing with a lot of childhood stuff from a pretty bad relationship with my father. I've built better coping skills and stability for myself since then, and part of that is knowing my limits and what I can realistically handle. I've explained why I don't want kids, both mentally and financially, and that hasn't changed for me. I even said I was open to revisiting the conversation after we buy a house and get more stable. But right now, it feels like it's being framed as a now or never situation. I get that people can change their minds, and I'm not saying she's wrong for wanting kids now. I just don't know if I'm wrong for standing my ground and feeling like this was unfair and kind of sudden.

[00:09:16]We've seen multiple stories in the past about people who changed their minds about wanting kids further into the relationship and it genuinely happens to people. But I also completely understand why OP feels like blindsided and hurt when she admitted he eventually changed his mind despite him being consistent from the start and saying things like she go and find someone else. That's never going to be a productive conversation, is it? And if she's thrown around those ultimatums and you don't want kids, this isn't going to work for your marriage. It's just simply it's time to go your separate ways. As they say in a lot of stories, compatibility is not there no more. Common says, "Not wrong, but folks change and possibly you two are no longer compatible. Maybe better to end amicably somewhat then wait till the bitter end." Hope your reply saying, "Absolutely everything in my marriage feels 110%." And this would be a real conversation where maybe I could have had my mind changed or I could have actually thought about it with a different frame of mind. But the almost immediate ultimatum is what got me wondering if I had my head in the clouds this whole time. Brother, it all just feels so unfair, but at the same time, I feel like I'm being selfish. The come says, "Unfortunately, this is probably going to be marriage ending. It is incredibly shitty that she thought you'd change your mind. That feels more like she always wanted kids and just expected you to agree at some point.

[00:10:32]People are of course allowed to change their minds, but this really seems like she had her mind made up. We're just waiting for an unfair change from you.

[00:10:40]Kids are one of those things that you have to be aligned on or things simply won't work. I'm truly sorry that she chose to do this to you. It's a marriage, so it's worth a discussion, but I have a feeling she isn't going to budge, and you shouldn't either, which will unfortunately lead to divorce. But please, whatever you do, don't get her pregnant to try to save your marriage.

[00:10:59]Opie says, "I definitely won't get her pregnant to save the marriage. I'd rather be alone and have a child right now." So, Opie did come in with an update and says, "A few days after I made this post, things escalated even more. My wife started sending me listings for huge houses literally across the country, like giant family homes with big yards." She kept saying stuff like, "Imagine having a kid running around this yard with a dog and trying to paint this whole picture of a completely different life." I asked her why she was suddenly looking at houses thousands of miles away when my entire family and support system is here.

[00:11:32]That's when she told me she has apparently never been happy where we live and hasn't been happy here since she was a kid. She said she doesn't think she'll ever be happy or successful if she stays here. That conversation hit me almost harder than the kids conversation did because from my perspective, we actually do have stability here. Our families are here.

[00:11:50]My career is here. My support system is here. And as someone who has been sober for 3 and 1/2 years, that stability matters a lot to me. I've worked extremely hard to build a life that keeps me grounded and healthy. We sat down again and had a long talk. Although honestly, it was mostly me talking while she sat there quietly. I told her that while I hadn't spent much time thinking about having a child, I'd spent a lot of time thinking about the ultimatum she gave me. I told her I couldn't get past the fact that she admitted she expected me to eventually change my mind all along, despite me being upfront from the very beginning. I told her that hearing her say she'll never be happy here made me realize I don't think I can be with someone who feels permanently unhappy no matter how hard we try to build a good life together. I spent years trying to improve myself, heal from my past, get sober, and build stability. I'm not willing to throw away my career, leave my friends and family, move across the country, and risk my sobriety for a future I never wanted in the first place. I ended up asking her for a divorce. That's when she completely broke down crying and admitted she didn't mean the ultimatum. She said she thought if she pushed hard enough, I'd be too scared to lose her and would just agree to have a kid to keep the marriage. Ooh, dear me. That hurt because at that point it stopped feeling like a disagreement about kids and started feeling like manipulation. I still love her and I understand people can change, but I don't know how I'm supposed to feel secure with someone who admitted they hid something this important before marriage because they hoped I'd eventually cave under pressure later. Turns out being almost on the same page about life is kind of like they say, close enough. Only works for horseshoes and hang grenades. loaded hash browns with white bread while out to breakfast with my dad because [ __ ] trying to be healthy when my life is literally falling apart around me. Now look, I'm glad she did admit that so OP had a clearer picture of what was going on. But at the same time, why did she admit that? Did she think that was going to fix the situation? Admitting that she intentionally pushed the ultimatum because she thought he'd panic and cave.

[00:13:50]Bloody hell. For me, that was absolutely the breaking point. There is no way you could look at someone the same again after they tried that kind of [ __ ] But the commenter says to OP, "Honestly, I'm sorry, but that's very, very manipulative of her. I am sorry." OP says, "I appreciate it, but no need to apologize. I feel like I'm taking this a lot better than I should. Maybe it's the family support, but thank you anyways."

[00:14:16]Dry attorney says, "I imagine you're expecting opinions from the men here, but anyway, I'm up late because of work." While I don't think I should really comment on your relationship with your wife or what your future should look like. I imagine this is only the first of many conversations and decisions, I do want to congratulate you for not staying silent or letting yourself be carried away blindly by pressure and love. Children shouldn't be brought into the world to fix or maintain a relationship, much less because of pressure. On the other hand, both partners need to fully agree and be committed to changing their entire environment, especially when beyond the financial aspect, it directly affects the safety and stability of one or both people. I hope you're able to reach an agreement, but before anything else, both you need to stand up for what you truly want and what gives you peace.

[00:15:01]Hope he says, "I actually prefer opinions from anyone regardless of gender. That's what I like about EDDD," which is the subreddit they posted on. I too am up late because of work. So I feel for you there. I hate being in this position, but I wanted to wait to speak with my family and my therapist before I talk to her. I have another therapy appointment with a different therapist who specializes in relationships and family. I'm so incredibly blessed that my work pays for counseling. Bully.

[00:15:27]Another commenter says, "I remember your old post. Here's what I will say. You two were very young when you got together. Practically teenagers, right?

[00:15:35]So many young people say they never want kids and most end up changing their minds as they get older. So I can see why she might have assumed you'd change.

[00:15:43]I'm not condoning what she did. I'm just saying I understand the thinking. I'll also say I think you two maybe were making decisions about not wanting babies and maybe even getting married too young before either really knew what they wanted. I guess I'm saying all this because maybe it'll help you get past the manipulation if you view yourself both as the kids you were back then. The current ultimatum where she assumed you would cave. Well, that's just messed up.

[00:16:07]But in my experience, people tend to give ultimatums when they feel desperate and powerless. Most important though, take some time to actually self-explore and be absolutely certain you do not want kids. Here's what I mean by that.

[00:16:19]Sometimes we decide something when we are young and incorporate it as our identity to where we don't even consider if it's our voice anymore. Please don't hold on to it because of stubbornness or past decisions. Make sure it is truly what you want. Maybe do some exploration with your therapist to make sure you truly don't want kids. And here's my thought challenge for you. All the men I've known who knew they didn't want kids got a vasectomy. I assume you haven't based on post. So maybe ask yourself why you haven't. Finally, if you determine you are absolutely certain you will never want kids, then sadly I do think it's probably best to move on.

[00:16:53]You should not have kids if you don't want them. But she shouldn't lose that if she wants them. I'm so sorry OP. This is hard and I wish you well. Quoting why he didn't get the vasectomy, Opie says, "I didn't really think about it that much. I mentioned it years ago, but when I went to my doctor, he told me to think about it before I make a adult decision.

[00:17:11]I'm pretty sure I was 22 at the time. I brought it up after our first discussion, but she was angry I even suggested it. I wouldn't do it behind my wife's back, but I would do it against her wishes." A commenter says, "I get you, but I guess that brings up another point. If she got super angry at 22 when you brought it up, wasn't that a solid red flag? That seems like a very clear indication early on in your relationship that she did want kids. Didn't that kind of put you on notice? Maybe says I brought it up after our first discussion, but she was angry. I brought it up when we had our first discussion and she gave the ultimatum.

[00:17:46]Commenter says, "That is so horrible.

[00:17:48]I'm so sorry. Good luck to you with a divorce. Stay strong, bro. Make sure you have your support system solid." One more time, OP comes in and says, "I appreciate it, man. I hoped it would never come to this. that even if she decides to never have kids, I don't think I can ever trust her again. It's [ __ ] that I wish he cheated. So, it was all simple. You know what I mean?

[00:18:07]It's still a 50/50 chance that someone thinks I'm the problem for not wanting children. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:18:20]Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from a throwaway account from the relationship advice subreddit and says, "My boyfriend loves to feed me my meals every day." Uh-oh.

[00:18:33]I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had. He's so sweet and attentive.

[00:18:40]Oh no. Oh no. He always puts me first and it's honestly a breath of fresh air compared to my past relationships. He's a chef. Whenever we went out to eat, he'd always love to feed me a bite of his food. I never minded and thought it was cute. When we started hanging out at each other's houses, he'd always offer to cook and then he would feed me my meal. I told him it's fine. I can feed myself, but he would always insist. He said he loves feeding beautiful women his food. Now it's kind of escalating.

[00:19:10]He wants to feed me on his lap. I told him I'm not interested in sitting on his lap and getting fed. I'd rather just watch the show and eat my chips myself instead of a whole meal he made. When I say no, he gets a bit awkward and I start to feel bad, but it's so weird how he loves to feed me all my meals. Why? I know there's way weirder things out there and the intention is sweet and I'm starting to think it might be a kink or something. I don't discuss the intimates of my relationships with my friends. So, come on here. Is this weird or sweet? By the way, this is a daily occurrence whenever we're together. Someone like the kink beacons of Gondor because this is definitely a kink, right? But there's a little curious part of me wants to know how he approached this sitting on his lap setting. Just as he sat there with like a his food on one hand and saying, "Come sit down." Gave me a shiver down my spine. Guns guy says, "I'm not even a little bit involved in the fetish or kink community." And this is screaming fetish to me. Commenter says, "Yep, the guy's a feeder." Another commenter says, "I suggest you look into feederism. It's a fetish. But also be careful of your waistline because if he gets off on feeding you, there's a chance he get off on fattening you up as well. I've seen a few stories on here where women have been unknowingly participating in this fetish and don't realize it until their clothes don't fit anymore.

[00:20:29]But OP came in to update the post and says, "First off, thanks to everyone that replied. I read every single one. I didn't even think my question would get more than a few replies. Someone commented that I research feederism and I did. And wow, so much things became clearer and now in hindsight, I'm shocked I didn't see it earlier. In my defense, I'm not a kinky person and didn't even know this was a kink. For starters, I'm naturally thin and it's been a big insecurity of mine because I have no curves, no boobs or butt. I'm 5'7 and when we first got together, I was 110 lb and now I'm 125 lb. When he first met my parents, he later remarked that my mom being so thin after having five kids is crazy. Looking back, he seemed disappointed. He also tells me that all the time I have the perfect body frame to be thick. He noticed my weight gain before I did, and during sex, he would always caress my waist, hips, and stomach area and tell me I'm looking more voluuptuous. He also told me he can't wait for me to get pregnant because he knows I'll be even more beautiful and he feed me so much I'll never snap back. He always said it with a joking tone and a laugh, so I thought it was a dumb joke. I decided that before I say anything to him, let me look up his exes and see if any of them are fat or gained a lot of weight. He's new to the area and has only been with one girl before me, and her Instagram page is private, and her profile is a group photo, so I couldn't tell which one she is. Then I looked up her name on LinkedIn, and she has a profile. She co-owns a business with her sister, whose Instagram isn't private, so I searched her up and my suspicions were confirmed. His ex used to be average weight. I'd guess 140 lb around 2018.

[00:22:04]She now looks around 200 to 230 lb. I was still in denial and thought maybe she was responsible for a weight gain and not him because I just couldn't believe this fetish is a thing. I invited him over last night to watch a movie. I was scared to see him because I know that if I didn't say anything then I probably never would have the courage because I'm very non-confrontational.

[00:22:25]He came over and we watched the movie and ordered food delivery. Our food came and he heated it up in the microwave and plated it for us like he always does. He kept the two plates next to him and when I tried to grab one, he held them up above his head and shook his head no with a grin like it's cute. I rolled my eyes and he grabbed the fork and took a piece of chicken and held it in front of my mouth. I refused to open my mouth and so he pressed it against my lips and I pulled back and stood up to grab the plate he was holding over his head. He gave me a weird look and I wanted to say sorry so bad. I know. Why am I like this? But I didn't. I just grabbed another fork, walked over to my couch with my plate, and started eating, hoping he would take the hint without me having to say anything. He came to sit next to me, and started eating, too. And we just watched the movie for a few minutes in peace. He then took a piece of chicken off my plate and tried to feed it to me again. This time, I said no, and he asked what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong, and I'm an adult, and I'm perfectly capable of eating my orange chicken by myself. He said he knows I'm an adult and he just wants me to concentrate on the movie instead of worrying about feeding myself. He then tried to keep pressing it against my mouth that I wouldn't open. At that point, I was fed up and I snapped at him that it's weird to constantly want to feed me and I don't want this anymore. I did say it in a harsh tone, but I was upset. He tensed up and didn't say anything and scooted over to the other side of the couch. Then he just stared me down as I ate. Literally wasn't even watching the movie. Even when I would look at him, thinking he would look away, he would just stare at my mouth as I chewed. Was disgusted. After I finished my food, he picked up his uneaten plate and told me I could have it. I told him that I don't want it, but he said he'd rather it not go to waste and if I'm too tired to feed myself, he'll do it. I was fed up again and I told him that I think we should break up because we're obviously not on the same page. He asked, "Is this all because he wants to feed me?" And I said, "Yes, it is." He said that he's a chef and he loves food and he also loves women and there's nothing better than combining the two. I felt like an object. He said this can't be the real reason why I'm ending things and I must be seeing someone else. That he treats me like a queen and most other boyfriends wouldn't have ever cooked me a meal, let alone fed it to me, too. I asked him to leave and he wouldn't until I gave him the real reason as to why I broke up with him. I said, "Because you have a feeding kink." and he started cackling, saying, "I'm a sick bee." And that a guy showing he loves someone as sad and disgusting as me must truly be some sort of kink because no one in their right mind would do it. Then he left and blocked me everywhere.

[00:24:56]I loved him before, but that conversation turned me off so much, and I'm honestly not sad we're over. I'm actually kind of relieved. I just don't understand why if he truly has the king, he wouldn't tell me and ask me to indulge in it. Why would he deny it and block me? Is it because of my dismissing behavior when he tried feeding me? A commenter says to AP, quoting, "I just don't understand why if he truly has this king, he wouldn't tell me and ask me to indulge in it." And then says, "Because it's not just the food or your weight on its own. If it were, he might be happy to watch you stuff yourself. He wanted to control you and resorted to defensive name calling when you showed him he couldn't. You caught him. You're well shot of him. I'm sorry turned out to be such a dickhead." Opie says, "You're right. I guess me being in on it makes it less fun for him." Comed says, "I had a boyfriend who would buy desserts for himself even though he hated sweets. Guess who always ended up eating them? One of the many reasons I dumped him. I always thought that it was to make me fat so no one else would want me. But maybe it was another of his controlling tactics." A commenter says, "Maybe he doesn't know he has a kink.

[00:25:58]Maybe he went through life just thinking he likes it and never thought of it as a kink. Like you said, likely ashamed for it to be a kink." Opie says, "I thought that maybe he doesn't know it's a kink, too. Until I think of his ex's weight gain. His comments on my body in the bedroom and the way he stares at me without blinking when I eat, he must know there's sexual undertones."

[00:26:18]Says, "He knows he just doesn't like being rejected for it. If it doesn't do it for you, move on." Equals says, "Yeah, and he's manipulative and gaslighting. [ __ ] that guy." And there was many people in the comments talking about kinks, etc., etc. For me, I honestly don't care what consensual kinks people are into. That's their business, right? The problem here is that she wasn't consenting to it and didn't even know she was being pulled into a fetish dynamic. That's what makes it really creepy. But on feederism itself especially, it can get really dark because it can cross into control, dependency, actively harming someone's health. I've seen some genuinely disturbing stories around it. And the fact that he would openly discuss it instead of slowly escalating it or making him feel guilty for saying no is the biggest [ __ ] red flag. And anyway, the guy showed his true self at the end there and Opie as well shot of him. Absolutely. And I'm so glad that Reddit was able to help her realize that at the same time. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:27:21]Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So, thank you so so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.