THIS is why Amberlynn can't have a successful relationship - secret recording exposes all

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]Was Abraham Lincoln a president? Yes.

[00:00:01]Oh, I thought he was just a whatever.

[00:00:02]Biblical figure. Welcome back to Delulu Diaries, where the timelines don't match, but the receipts always do. I hope that you guys will enjoy today's video where we're going to be taking a fight that was secretly recorded by Tommy and put that up to some clips of Dr. Kirk Honda, who is a psychologist here on YouTube talking about borderline histrionic personality disorder as well as preoccupied attachment and see what we can glean from that. I don't want to waste any of your time, so let's hop straight in. Crazy. This is like >> You kind of are. I'm trying to have a genuine conversation with you and I'm just wondering why can't we both have bad days? Why is it just Why is it just your lucky day?

[00:00:37]>> Okay. Why Why do you need to sit here and continue to yell at me?

[00:00:40]Why can't you go inside like I asked you and give me a little bit of space?

[00:00:44]I can give you space. I just want to hug.

[00:00:45]>> me space. I don't want to hug you right now. I just don't.

[00:00:48]>> Okay, fine. Can we just like wrap it up with like a good vibes like good cuz I don't have emotional permanence. I literally don't.

[00:00:57]Which means when I walk away >> have to suffer because of that?

[00:01:01]No, I'm saying when I walk away, I'm left with what just happened and that's what I firmly believe our whole relationship is based off of. Okay, now thinking about what we just heard, let's listen to this clip from Dr. Kirk Honda and then we'll go ahead and discuss what we think afterwards. The preoccupied attachment coping style that is developed mostly subconsciously by the child is one in which we lean in to our caregivers in that we have inconsistent love and attention and so we lean into them and we request love from them. We demand it. We make our needs very known to the world because we've learned through experience that if we don't make it very loud, no one will pay attention to us and we won't get any love. With this style, we still get some blowback cuz people don't like it when we're demanding. But at least we get some love and attention. We're not completely left alone. And the loneliness that is behind this demanding is so great that it feels like a deep abyss. So when I heard Dr. Honda's take on this, I was like, oh my gosh, that makes so much sense because he says that this develops basically from a childhood of neglect and abandonment and as we know, Amber Lynn grew up in the foster care system, so she already grew up in a neglectful household of her mom and then was sent to foster care because of that neglect and then kind of bounced around.

[00:02:21]So it makes complete sense for her to develop preoccupied attachment style.

[00:02:27]And then he says that when that does develop, that basically it makes a person to where any amount of not getting attention or having their emotional needs felt makes them fight for attention even if they know that that is hurting their cause, which is what we see here in this clip from Amber. She is like begging Tommy to give her a hug or to wrap things up nicely, give her a good vibe, something because she can't see past the hurt that she's going to experience when they separate. So even though she knows in the moment, you can see that she understands that Tommy wants to be left alone and just needs time for herself, but Amber can't help herself but to, you know, keep prying and say, well, give me a hug then. Let me wrap it up. Let me explain to you how I'm feeling, how this is going to hurt me so bad. And so I think that this um attachment style really fits with what Amber is going through. Now, does that make it okay?

[00:03:24]Absolutely not. It is Amber's responsibility to deal with her attachment style.

[00:03:30]She sounds like she is trying to use a little bit of therapy speak in order to kind of justify what she's doing, but in reality, you would want to go to therapy and work on skills so that you don't even have to do this part. So that you understand that you can make a simple request, but if it's denied, you have to, you know, just accept that is the reality of dealing with another human outside of yourself. But let's continue listening to this clip.

[00:03:56]So if you just tell me you love me Hey, you don't need to explain your unhealthy way of thinking.

[00:04:01]A little bit. A little unhealthy, I guess.

[00:04:04]Very unhealthy. Okay.

[00:04:06]I just I like to leave the conversation with something positive.

[00:04:13]Because I don't like how this is affecting us. Like you've had a really bad day.

[00:04:17]>> give me some space?

[00:04:19]I'm asking nicely. Yes, but can you answer a question for me?

[00:04:24]Why is it okay for you to backtrack? How is this ending it nicely, Amber Lynn?

[00:04:29]>> No, because I cuz I think I'm I think Wait, I'll leave you with this. But why do you do that? I I guess I want you to reflect. All right, for this next clip, just know that Dr. Kirk Honda's video is on the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial, which I will link below. Um so you're going to see him talking about them and they are on the screen, but just know that the substance of what he's saying does apply to Amber still, so let's hear what he has to say real quick.

[00:04:52]>> But for people with borderline people who are preoccupied attachment, they they notice it very well. And so she needs that like everyone else does, but she's never had it, so she needs it times 10 and she will ask and say, hey, you know, I I I feel distant from you, but she doesn't know how to not get triggered, so she gets hostile, which pushes him away at least emotionally and then she detects that and then she gets more triggered, which causes her to be more hurt and more hostile with him, which causes him to get more distant.

[00:05:22]Eventually, he wants to get away. It's this cascade effect that had It's a feedback loop. So even here, you can see what Dr. Honda was referring to with the preoccupied attachment style. It is so painful for Amber to separate herself from her caregiver, partner, whatever, anybody in her life that she would literally rather sit here and continue the argument and make the argument worse than to go and be alone. The moment that Tommy walks away, that countdown starts clicking and she is going to be hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt for like every second that ticks by. So being in this moment is probably painful for her. She doesn't like seeing that she's distressing Tommy. She doesn't like feeling distressed herself by being in an argument, but that is less painful than just walking away. Why is it okay for you to backtrack and have a bad day so bad that you kind of take it out on me all day long? And then I finally pop off because it just became a lot. Became a lot because I also had my own separate bad day.

[00:06:23]So why is it okay for you to have a bad day, but I'm not?

[00:06:27]I didn't say you weren't allowed to, but you sitting here doing this to me when I'm telling you to please stop is not okay.

[00:06:33]Okay. Your bad day Amber Lynn, stop. Your bad day was met with At the end of the night, I still wanted to hold you. That's what I was looking forward to.

[00:06:42]>> I was going to. I needed a little space first.

[00:06:44]>> you what my bad day is met with?

[00:06:46]You're going back to Oklahoma.

[00:06:48]This part is just fully my opinion, so keep that in mind, but we don't know what their bad days were surrounding, but Amber is saying that when Tommy came home, she just wanted to cuddle and resolve her bad day by spending time together, whereas Tommy's solution was to say, you're going back to Oklahoma.

[00:07:04]And I don't think that's a fair argument to put forth because while we are not in the situation, Amber Lynn and Tommy have such a dynamic that I feel like it is reasonable to assume that Amber had a bad day because she was at home alone with nothing to do, very bored in a state where she has like no connections or anything and she was waiting for Tommy to come home so they could hang out and Tommy's frustrating day was probably the fact that Amber wouldn't leave her alone. We know that when Amber was with Destiny, she would call her multiple times on a shift, every break, every lunch, she was expected to be on the phone with Amber 100% of the time.

[00:07:41]So I can only imagine that she still does that with Tommy. And so I think comparing how the two of them met after work is not fair because if Amber's issue was that she felt like she wasn't close to Tommy, of course she's going to want to cuddle. If Tommy's issue was that she was pissed off at Amber for bothering her at work all day, of course she's going to want space. So Amber is comparing apples to oranges here and thinking that it's really the same thing. It's not. When Tommy is saying like, hey, you need to go back to Oklahoma, that's telling me that Amber is part of the issue, so why would she want to make you feel better in that moment? And this is where therapy would really help Amber a lot because she needs to be able to learn how to help herself to get through difficult moments. She can't always rely on somebody else. And I understand that both borderline and preoccupied attachment style make that very difficult and I'm not saying that it's easy for her or that she should be responding like a normal person, but I am saying if she had a significant amount of in-person therapy, she would learn ways to emotionally regulate herself to get through these little periods of time where her partner does need space and she needs to allow that to happen. So do you see the difference?

[00:08:54]>> Because you continue to do this to me over and over again. Back up then like I asked you to. Or just go inside, please.

[00:09:00]Give me some space, Amber Lynn. This is ridiculous.

[00:09:04]Go inside.

[00:09:06]Please. I'm not going to not get I'm not going to be able to calm down until you please go away for a little bit. Okay, can you just reflect on like >> I will reflect. Oh, okay. I am sorry.

[00:09:19]Do you really want to break up?

[00:09:21]I don't know. I don't have time to think space to think. Please go inside and give me space.

[00:09:27]Please.

[00:09:28]Go inside and give me space. Can I have a kiss?

[00:09:32]I'm not here to bug you. I love you. I'm disappointed in you.

[00:09:39]I love you.

[00:09:41]And I'm sorry, but I love you. Okay?

[00:09:45]Please [snorts] go inside. I love you, too.

[00:09:48]I'm sorry. You didn't say my voice. Yes.

[00:09:50]He eventually detected, well, if I just give in and agree be her, then the fight will be over sooner. So, if I just admit that I was to blame, then we can go back to not fighting.

[00:10:05]>> Common sense would tell us what Tommy was doing right there, but I wanted to put in Dr. Honda's reaction to how people respond to the preoccupied attachment style in relationships just because I thought that added a little weight to it. But, as we all heard, Tommy is basically going like, "Okay, well, if you need to hear me say I accept your apology, then I accept your apology. If you need me to say that we're good, then we're good." She's just doing whatever she can to draw it to an end because she realizes at this point in the relationship that there is no out-arguing Amber Lynn. If Amber believes that she's right or that she needs to get more words in, she's going to keep doing it. So, placating her is the only way to draw the argument to a conclusion.

[00:10:47]I know this didn't happen.

[00:10:48]I'm fully aware. But, I am getting better.

[00:10:52]And that's without help. And that's only in a few days.

[00:10:55]I just want you to think of the positive things.

[00:10:57]Okay.

[00:10:59]I'm so bad.

[00:11:01]I'm sorry.

[00:11:04]Please give me space. That's all I'm asking for.

[00:11:09]We know that Amber Lynn has been displaying these kinds of behaviors since at least the Destiny era, if not before that. And so, to me, it's very troubling that when she was working from home and had enough money where they were not paycheck to paycheck anymore, she didn't go out and get the help she needed. She's alluded to going to therapy a couple of times, but even if we take her at her word, which I don't, she has been off and on on therapy during the entirety of her adult career.

[00:11:39]So, for her to slip in this little "Look, I've been improving and that's without help and that's only for a few more days" to Tommy, it's like, "Well, no, because you've had an opportunity to work on this since you were with Destiny. You have had so much like luck in life to be able to get to the point where you have a successful YouTube career, so you don't need to go into the office, so you have the time for therapy. You've been successful, so you have the money for a therapy. You have people on the internet giving you feedback, so you can recognize that you have a problem. And yet, all three of these like very good resources have just slipped through her fingers, and she hasn't gone to do the work. And so, if I were Tommy, I would be extremely frustrated at her argument. To be like, "Oh, look, I've imprisoned you in this situation where you can't get away because I am standing right next to your car, close enough where you can't drive off. You're begging me for space, and I'm not providing it." But, at the same time, to be like, "Oh, well, I'm going to get help." Yeah, but you could have had help, girl. Like, this is not a new revelation for you. So, while I don't think that Tommy is a good person, I can appreciate the fact that she was in a very difficult situation when Amber was in Wisconsin. Now, being with her again when they are long distance is a choice because, as we know, Amber doesn't leave her long distance partners alone, either. When she was talking to Alexis, even though they weren't in the same state, she would be like constantly wanting to be on FaceTime. Anytime that a message went unanswered, she was freaking out, and so we can assume that that situation is still ongoing. Um but, yeah, I just find it like alarming how little Amber has put into fixing and correcting these issues, and I thought it was really interesting listening to Dr. Honda go over the Johnny Depp versus Amber Heard trial and recognizing those same patterns in Amber Lynn. If you guys also thought that that was interesting, it would be amazing if you guys would like and subscribe. That really helps out my small channel so much. I'm trying so hard to grow. So, if you could do that, I'd really appreciate it. But, there is one more clip from Dr. Honda that didn't apply to this call, but does apply to Amber at large that I want to go over really quickly. If you have borderline, you were abused as a child and often not attuned to enough such that you actually are able to integrate the good with the bad and accept that your loved ones are good with a little bit of bad and yourself are good with a little bit of bad to see all of it at once. But, if you don't have that, you're an adult and you're with your partner, and it when things are going well, you you idolize that person, right? This is idealization, devaluation, black and white.

[00:14:17]Oh my god, you're the best ever, you're the smartest, you're the most beautiful, you're the safest, you're you're I just love you so I need you so much. Never leave me. And, you know, all that's real. It's not fake. It's absolutely real. But, when you frustrate the person, that version of you has now gone around the corner, and now it's the demon. It's the monster or whatever they the way it feels to them. And this makes so much sense with what we know about Amber because she did grow up not being able to form that healthy attachment to the gray zone where she does think that people are all of something. And we've seen that pattern over and over and over again on her channel. Think about after Beck. A lot of people think that she was so like grandiose about Faleen because she wanted to put Beck down, which I do think part of it was to protect her ego and to be like, "Oh, I didn't lose a long-term relationship. I gained something even better, and that this was just like fate waiting to hand me the perfect partner." But, more than that, I think it is because she lacks this black and white thinking. So, things were bad with Beck, so she separates Beck completely from anybody that she's ever cared about. It's like, "Oh, I never loved her. You know, it was always bad.

[00:15:26]She was always like a roommate." And then, we get Faleen who has no negative association, and Amber is like, "This is the best person. I've never met such a true person who cares about me and motivates me like no other." When Beck absolutely did have moments of being very motivating for Amber, for helping her along the road and stuff. Amber just can't put those two parts of Beck together, the part where she's motivating her and things are good with the part where, "Oh, now things are ending." And so, that creates this black and white thinking where now Beck is bad and Faleen is the best.

[00:16:03]Then, we see the end of the Faleen era, and all of a sudden, it's "Oh, you guys don't know. Faleen was terrible. Things were going on with us behind the scenes." Now, I do think she had to water down her speech a bit because she didn't want Faleen to come out and speak against her, and that was one of the only exes where she didn't really have to worry about that. But, you still saw that little transition, and then enter Tommy. Tommy knows her so well. It is a soft, gentle love that loves her for her body and is just like the best thing she's ever had. She's never had a better girlfriend than Tommy. Again, because of that black and white thinking. And then, when they split up, it was very like, "You guys have no idea. She was a monster. It was horrible in Wisconsin. I hated it there." So, we do see this pattern in Amber, and it's actually crazy how much what Dr. Honda is saying about Amber's childhood does make this make sense. This is a this weird version of you. And what you'll hear from people with borderline, not all of them, is there must be a reason for this, right?

[00:17:02]You must be cheating on me. There's someone must be influencing you. And we see that with Amber, as well. Because she's a public figure, most of the time that comes out in her being like, "Look at what you guys did. You guys influenced my partner. You guys soured their opinion against me." It can never be the fact that she is constantly hounding them, calling them five, six, seven times in a row when they don't answer, bothering them at work, expecting full time on FaceTime. When they start not being perfect, the fact that she starts amping up her escalation of argument to the point where, supposedly, she was keeping partners awake at night, chasing them around the house, throwing things or threatening to throw things, all alleged, of course.

[00:17:41]But, Amber can never look at that stuff and be like, "Oh, I'm the problem. I'm the reason that they're souring against me. It's my actions and the way I handle things." She always has to say that it's the influence of Girl World. So, I just thought it was interesting to see what a psychologist had to say about the type of personality and attachment disorder that I believe she has.

[00:18:01]Um obviously, this is not proof that she has it. I'm not trying to use it in that sense. Dr. Honda puts this stuff up for educational purposes, and I just thought it was interesting, and I wanted to use it in that manner, as well. So, I'm just curious, did you guys like having the spliced-in clips from Dr. Honda, even though he was talking about something a little bit unrelated? Did you think that was helpful for shedding light on Amber Lynn? Do you agree with my takes? Do you think she knows about her attachment style or that she has BPD at all? Let me know what you guys think in the comments down below. And if you made it this far, you already know. Stay delulu, but not that delulu. See you in the next one.