Sammy Obeid: How I Solved A "Death Math" Problem While High (Stand Up Comedy)

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[00:00:00]Is there anything I didn't talk about tonight you like for me to talk about?

[00:00:03]>> Weed. Prime numbers.

[00:00:05]>> Weed and prime numbers. Let's go, dude.

[00:00:09]>> Two of my favorite things, man.

[00:00:12]So, first of all, we're in Oklahoma. You guys have good weed here.

[00:00:15]>> I'm like, nobody would ever guess that.

[00:00:18]Honestly, you go to Texas, it's illegal, right? You go to Kansas, Kansas. It's illegal in Kansas, right?

[00:00:24]>> Okay, whatever. Uh, go to Kansas, it's illegal. But then you come to Oklahoma, you just get cooked, dude. It's Listen, I know a lot of people, you know, that's hot on whatever. No, I uh I've been smoking weed for as long as I can remember, which is not that long cuz it affects the memory, but I get a lot of people don't like it. But I I never hear great reasons on why people don't smoke weed. It's like people can't take accountability for stuff like how come every time I smoke weed, it makes me depressed. Like that's not the weed, that's you. You know what I mean? Like that's you were already depressed and the weed made you aware that you were depressed and you don't like being aware of things, you know? Or how come every time I smoke weed it makes me lazy? Because you smoked an indica and went to the gym, you [ __ ] Indacica in the couch. Okay. Sativa is the one you smoke at your job. All right. They have a saying for that.

[00:01:09]Smoke sativa, you will achiev.

[00:01:15]>> Yeah. And they know hybrids are chill.

[00:01:17]You know, or you know, every time I smoke weed, it makes me stupid. Like that's not that's not the weed.

[00:01:22]Respectfully, it's not the weed, you know, and you're not using it the right way. Like try getting high and reading a book. Okay. Yeah. I know you're like, "Why would I waste high on a book?"

[00:01:30]Like, no. That'll be the hardest book you ever read. Okay. If you can read a book high, you can climb Everest. I'm telling you, you can do a lot of things.

[00:01:38]You know, put your mind to it. But yeah, actually, um I have an interesting backstory because I I studied I studied applied math in college. That's why I do standup. And um and I uh my I got a 4.2 GPA actually, believe it or not. And uh >> 420. Yeah. And believe it or not, I actually I was like ahead of my class in college and and I was one of the only kids who smoked weed. I would like to argue that it helped me with geometry because it's there's a lot of spatial and listen listen.

[00:02:12]I'll tell you a story. This was not even intentional. Okay? In college, I had this professor uh this Ukrainian professor. He was just so intense. Like he would get pissed at us for like not learning. He's like, "You dumb Americans." He would always say that.

[00:02:22]You dumb Americans. YOU DO NOT KNOW IN BACK BACK where I'm from we do math and you die in the street like whoa that was like it was like it was like very real and one day he came in and he wrote this crazy problem on the board I was like oh yeah this is my chance to be goodwill hunting right and he's like if you solve this you don't have to take the final quit smoking weed I had smoked weed previously and I had quit I was like I'm done smoking weed I'm going the sober route I'm you know do it you know do it the do it the normal way you know whatever and I was like I'm done with weed no weed And that hap I I quit like two weeks prior to this. And then I I look at that problem. I'm like, "Oh, this is like very stressful, whatever."

[00:03:01]And I go I go to the library and I'm like trying to dig into this problem.

[00:03:04]It's like this crazy thing with like triangles and squares and like Pythagoras like what's up? Just go crazy problem. And um and then I'm like I give up. I just I I just gave up. I went home defeated. And I was like so tired and hungry from the day. And I saw that my roommate had made brownies. And so I was like, "Okay, well, I'll have a I'll have a I'll have a I'll have a brownie." And there was enough so he he I could take some and he wouldn't notice. So I took five. And um after about 10 minutes, I was like, "Oh." Uh cuz my roommate came home and he had bloodshot eyes. He's like, "Do you have brownies?" I was like, "Oh."

[00:03:38]You know, cuz for a moment I was like, "Why am I having so much fun?" You know what I mean? I don't remember the rest of the night. Like I I have visions of like triangles and squares and like Pythagoras like what's up.

[00:03:52]But I kid you not, I somehow woke up the next morning with a finished paper and I and I that cuz that math to me was just like so natural. So I I I don't know what I did, but I turned it in the next morning. I brought it to the professor and he was like looking at and he would always like he would always go over people's answers in front of everybody.

[00:04:09]So it was like public shame. So he was like, "Okay, Chelsea wrong.

[00:04:15]Thomas wrong."

[00:04:18]And then he was like, "Sammy, holy, he got it right."

[00:04:30]And then all the kids were like, "How did you do that?" that and I was like I don't recommend weed for everybody.

[00:04:40]It's just not for everybody. But somehow it worked for me.

[00:04:45]>> But um I love prime numbers.

[00:04:47]>> Your THC level has to be a prime number.

[00:04:49]>> It needs my THC I only do THC and primes. Yeah. Whenever I pick up a weed and like the the CBD level is like, you know, 2.6, I'm like, "No.

[00:05:04]I'm actually f that's actually my next goal is prime numbers are you guys know what prime numbers are they're numbers not divisible by anything else except themselves in one right and there's this giant problem in mathematics they're trying to solve is like how can you determine when the next prime number comes because there's no actual predictive model for it but there's a theory that there is such a function that determines it is called the zeta function and there's like ma mathematicians are out there just like scrambling to do it.

[00:05:35]>> Now, if your Oklahoma weed is good enough, >> I might be able to solve it here in Tulsa, Oklahoma >> to go along your list of many historical achievements. Let's not mention them.

[00:05:57]But um or what else?

[00:06:00]>> Women.

[00:06:01]>> Women.

[00:06:01]>> Cats.

[00:06:02]>> I said give me something that I know a lot about.

[00:06:06]>> Cats.

[00:06:06]>> Women and cats.

[00:06:08]>> And what?

[00:06:08]>> Organic.

[00:06:09]>> Women, cats, and organic. This is actually I think this is No, it's not.

[00:06:13]Um organic is organic is a pronunciation that I decided because I like to eat organic, but I don't like telling people that because when you tell people eat organic, they think that you think you're better than them, >> which I do, but I don't want people to think that. I think that so I smooth it out. I I give it like an ethnic pronunciation. I say organic.

[00:06:32]It just smooths it out and it's a lot more fun. You know, try it. Like go into a grocery store like be like, "Are these avocados organic?"

[00:06:39]They'll be like, "I think you mean organic." You say, "No, organic."

[00:06:42]They're like, "Okay, whatever."

[00:06:42]Customers always buy. You could even go further. So, they have no cholesterol.

[00:06:46]You know, like make up your own words.

[00:06:49]And I actually I released a whole special called Organics. You can actually find it on YouTube. It's there for free.

[00:06:57]Now, let's talk about women.

[00:07:01]>> Women. Women. Women.

[00:07:04]>> What about them?

[00:07:07]>> They're like cats.

[00:07:08]>> They women like cats.

[00:07:09]>> They are like cats.

[00:07:10]>> They are like cats. I've heard both theories. Women are like cats. Men are like dogs. And then vice versa. Men are like cats. Women are like dogs. I think we're all like mouses to be honest. Like scared little creatures. But yeah, you know, women and women are cool.

[00:07:27]>> Women are cool. I know a few. I know a few. I used to be inside of one like the whole time. I was like, not like that, you [ __ ] man. Like, like, you know what I mean? Like, you mean I was uh, you know, part of me was inside of a woman like for a long time, for nine months. Like, when when I came out, like I was 100% I lived my life inside of a woman for 100% of the time.

[00:07:52]I was aing expert on women for nine months. Basically was a woman.

[00:07:58]I basically was a woman. Yeah. Y'all y'all can you all can claim like don't claim our identity like no mother. I was in a woman's body for 9 months. I was a [ __ ] woman, dude.

[00:08:08]And there was a point where I was just I you know the the chromosome what you know what is it like the first is it couple weeks were all women or something like that. And then the if a male starts to develop male part. So, like for sure in those first whatever weeks I was like full-blown woman. Okay.

[00:08:24]So, as a woman, why these LADIES SO CRAZY? COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.

[00:08:41]>> And I love cats, too. I love cats. I was never inside of one, though.

[00:08:46]I was never inside of a cat.

[00:08:50]>> Cat people makes a noise.

[00:08:54]>> Dog people makes a noise.

[00:08:58]>> We see who's winning.

[00:09:00]Cat people, if there's a fight, we're Yeah, we could use our pause. What do we got? Dog people are aggressive.

[00:09:07]Dog people are fearless, too, because you have backup. Your dog.

[00:09:13]Who do we got? someone who just gives a [ __ ] when we feed them and that's it.

[00:09:18]If there's a war going on, y'all can bring your dogs. We cannot bring our pet. We will lose the battle.

[00:09:26]>> What else?

[00:09:27]>> Kanye and Taylor as a teacher.

[00:09:29]>> Uh oh, there was a lot. There's a lot of things. Wait, what was the back one of the >> comedy skills you learned as a teacher?

[00:09:34]>> Oh, comedy skills. I like that. I like that. And then what was over here?

[00:09:37]>> I said Kanye and Taylor.

[00:09:38]>> Kanye and Taylor. That old old uh that old old story. And then there was something over here. Assad.

[00:09:44]>> Assad. Okay, great. What a combination.

[00:09:49]>> Well, as a teacher, I learned to deal with difficult subjects. So, uh hopefully I should be able to take this on.

[00:09:57]Trying to think of like, you know, sad just like Kanye. You want someone you still listen to his stuff sometimes, but you know, shut up. Shut up.

[00:10:11]No. How do you not know I have Assad's first mixtape, dude? You know, don't don't hate on Assad.

[00:10:18]Don't be an Assad Basher.

[00:10:22]I don't like Assad. He's done. He'sing He's cooked. Carneada, brother. He's done.

[00:10:29]He's done. He fled to Russia. That's how bad it is, dude. When your last safe space is Russia, that's how you know you've burned some bridges.

[00:10:41]But uh I'll tell you who's not done.

[00:10:43]Taylor Swift and Kanye West. They're they're um they're they're still out there.

[00:10:50]>> I'm not a Swifty. I'm not a Swifty. I mean, I never was a Swifty anyways, but I don't like that she didn't use her platform for Gaza. Like I feel like she could have done like just even like the most basic like like weekend donated money like Siza gave shout outs at her concert. just the most basic and we will appreciate it, you know, but she didn't even do that.

[00:11:11]And you know, Kanye West, I'm glad that he stays silent because that I don't think that I don't think that would have done it. So, it's like, you know, we need some people to talk and we need some people to not talk, you know.

[00:11:23]>> But yeah, remember the time that Kanye West grabbed he what he he grabbed the the mic from Taylor Swift?

[00:11:28]>> When what year was that?

[00:11:30]>> 2009.

[00:11:30]>> 2009. It seems like it was We're old, huh?

[00:11:34]We're some old out here.

[00:11:38]That's crazy. Yeah. And that was his second mic wrap, too. That guy was just grabbing cuz he grabbed the mic from Mike Myers to say George Bush doesn't care about black people. That was And then that one went well and he's like, I'm going to do it again and he grabbed it and he grabbed it and now and now people like whenever they're around Kanye, they just hold the mic like this.

[00:11:57]If I ever did a show and he's nearby, I'd just be like What else? Anything else?

[00:12:06]>> Do you know about the uh Tulsa Kaiser situation?

[00:12:09]>> Tulsa Kaiser.

[00:12:10]>> So, we have a a billionaire who funds a lot of what goes on in Tulsa as far as our recreational activities, but also helping to develop kind of like where a Sims came.

[00:12:18]>> Okay. And what's really interesting about it, because I come from the native perspective of >> is that he has a a program called Tulsa Remote where they pay for people to come in from all over the country and they give them $10,000 towards >> Wait a second. You're saying he's flying people into Tulsa for $10,000?

[00:12:42]Did you know did you know about what >> nobody had to settlement? See our family.