My Own Mother Abused Me — Then I Married a Man Who Did the Same Thing

Added: 2026-05-18

[00:00:00]My guest today grew up being abused by her own mother [clears throat] and when she finally escaped, she married a man who did the same thing. Her name is Rashidita Inz and this is her story of survival.

[00:00:15]>> Where'd you grow up?

[00:00:17]>> Phoenix City, Alabama.

[00:00:19]>> What was that like?

[00:00:23]I grew up in my hood was called Tentop City and that it got that name because all of the people in our particular neighborhood had 10 roofs. Um it was very low come low income type of neighborhood. Um I love it. Uh it taught me how to survive. It taught me how to mind my business. But to ask me what it was like um it was full of drivebys. I remember it got so bad that they were doing drivebys during the daytime. And I remember one time walking from my bus stop because my bus stop was one street over and I remember having to hide behind a parked car on the road because they were doing drivebys. Um it was heavy with uh narcotics, street pharmaceuticals. Um but it was a thing where we looked out for each other. I never felt unsafe playing outside. Matter of fact, I was forced to play outside cuz in the south, we don't really let our children stay in the house and play games all day. You had to be outside.

[00:01:21]And so my grandmother would always make me go outside, but everyone looked out for the kids. Um, so I did have a childhood as it concerns playing with other children. But um, Phoenix City, Alabama is the reason, one of the many reasons I who I am I am who I am today.

[00:01:40]So to me, I grew up in not the bless best place in the world, but I grew up in a very blessed place in the world.

[00:01:47]>> Who raised you? Was it your grandmother or were your parents in the picture?

[00:01:50]>> So my mom and I, we lived with my great-g grandandmother, the late Willie May Wilson, who was of course her grandmother. And so I lived with her up until my mom got remarried again. And after that, we moved to Columbus, Georgia. So I was raised by both.

[00:02:09]However, I feel like I spent more time with my grandmother than I did my mom.

[00:02:15]>> Where was your father?

[00:02:16]>> My mom told me that her and my biological dad divorced when I was two.

[00:02:22]So, um I didn't have much of relationship with him. He was in the Navy. He went off, started, you know, a different a new life, a new family. Um and I just reunited with him. I think last year he popped up at our Alabama church and we had a very tough conversation and I understood you know I I I understood so he wasn't active in my childhood I would see him here and there once probably every six five years but um yeah so he was he was in the Navy he was out living life.

[00:02:57]>> Do you think that had a deep impact on your childhood? I do believe that if he was present, a lot of stuff that I went through, I would have never gone through. [snorts] Um, simply because the trauma that I had as a child, it didn't come from a uncle or it came from a biological mother. And so I know for a fact his absence did have an impact. I knew some stuff just would not have happened if he had been around. Um, but I don't hold him responsible for that.

[00:03:27]In no in no way do I hold him or make him responsible for anything I went through in life. Um here's why. Because before he surprised me at the church last year before he got ready to leave and go back to California cuz he came to Columbus to visit his biological mom. I had a conversation with my dad because I was told all these years that you know your daddy he he don't even want you know and every time you see he's here with you he don't send nothing for you.

[00:03:51]He don't do this and that. I learned that my dad paid child support. I learned that my dad did try to reach out to me several times via letters, via te uh, you know, telephone calls when I was growing up and that that stuff never got back to me. I didn't learn of that stuff until I got older. So, I had a conversation with him and I asked him, I said, "I just have one question for you." I said, "Why is it that you don't love me the way you love your other daughters?"

[00:04:19]And he said to me, he said, "First of all, Rasheed, I would never say anything negative about your mother." He said, "Your mother has done a great job raising you." He said, "If I had not left, you would have been without a mother and a father." He said, "But I prayed for you." He said, "I asked God to keep you safe every single day. I prayed for you." And he said, "I knew one day we would have this conversation." After that, I asked him about some other things that, you know, my mom would say that she did to him only to find out that those things were not true. And everything that he said to me, I believed him because there was no reason for him to lie at that point. You know, um the conversation wasn't going to bring us closer. I never gave him that promise. It wasn't going to bring us further apart either cuz I never it was he had nothing to gain. But the sincerity that came from him, um, I believed him and I don't hate my mother, but I know her and I've had moments where I wanted to leave. So, I totally understood why he left.

[00:05:27]And today, he's my hero. He showed me that it's okay to leave. Even if it means you have to trust God, it's okay to leave.

[00:05:36]>> Why do you think your mom kept that from you? The letters? Uh, any sign of love from him?

[00:05:40]>> I think that my mom did what a lot of a lot of single mothers do who may have been deeply in love with their children's father or let down by their children's father. Um, she used the anger and the hate that she had towards him. Um, and she used me, she weaponized me to keep me from him. Um, I think because she was hurt by him, she wanted to use me to hurt him. But what people have got to understand is that that gets you nothing. You can try to keep a child away from their dad. It's going to come a time in that child's life where they grow up and they start asking questions.

[00:06:20]And if they don't ask questions, they start to investigate and they find out the truth. Um, it's because of my experience being raised by a single mother that I've come to this conclusion. And I tell women this all the time. Just because that man wasn't a good husband to you, just because he wasn't a good boyfriend to you, doesn't mean that he's not a great dad.

[00:06:44]Doesn't mean he's not a great dad.

[00:06:46]Your child deserves to have his or her dad if he has a sound mind. you know, if he has, you know, issues and stuff, that's different. And I had to learn that when I had my children. And because I knew what it was like having all these questions about, does he really love me?

[00:07:04]And hearing this other stuff, I would I refuse to put my children through that.

[00:07:07]So me and their dad divorced, I never ever kept my children from them. Not one time had I keep him from his children because just because he was a crap husband, he was always a good dad. So why would I take that from them? just because I'm angry. No, go get counseling. Get over the the hurt before one day your children turn on you when they realize that dad didn't just stay away because he wanted to. You pushed him away. You kept him away.

[00:07:35]>> What was young Rashidita like?

[00:07:38]>> By the time I was 13, I had done and had seen more than any 30-year-old woman have. I lost my virginity at 13.

[00:07:48]Um, I was molested.

[00:07:50]Uh, I just remember I was in first or second grade, so I probably was six or seven years old. Um, I was born an only child, so raised by my mom.

[00:08:02]I always had an imagination, so I would play by myself, you know, as a little girl. And when my friends couldn't come outside, I would just go and just, you know, do stuff with my hands. I had a very lonely childhood, but I was from Tintop, so I would go outside and it was always something to do or see outside. I think I started smoking when I was about 5 years old. Um because that was very popular in Tenttop. I think I started drinking when I was about 5 years old because uh where I was from it was always half cigarettes in the road or half cigarettes thrown over the fence that made into our yard and cigarette butts. So, I remember one time I was like, I'm going to try one of these, you know? So, I went and I had got a lighter and I would light up the cigarette, but when I tell you I thought I was about to choke up all of my or organs and but I kept doing it and so I was smoking at like five or six years old and no one knew. So, I had I did a lot. I did too much.

[00:09:07]I think when I look back on my childhood now in hindsight, I was lonely. But then I didn't know it was loneliness. I thought that this what it this is what it was supposed to be because at that time I was the only child. Um my a lot of my childhood was ruined and robbed from me cuz like I said six or seven years old I was molested. And so at that age once that happened to me I turned into what some people would call a demon child. became angry. Um, I didn't embrace friends. I It really fried my brain.

[00:09:44]So, I would say I had a traumatic I had a traumatic um childhood. I do remember becoming very sneaky, but I also remember and I didn't know it was that then being very depressed.

[00:10:02]So I would say from I don't know 2 to about five I was happy two to about five. So that's what three years three years of my childhood were happy years after that everything else was taken from me.

[00:10:19]>> Did you share with anyone what happened to you at that time with that period?

[00:10:23]>> No. No. No I didn't. Um about the molestation correct? Yeah, >> I didn't because first of all, I was afraid, mind you, when I got molested by my biological mother. She didn't know that I knew what she was doing.

[00:10:40]She never knew that I knew. And she was so controlling and so doineering. I I my mother, this was the same woman who would beat me with belt buckles, not belts. This was the same woman who would strip me naked, str me on the bed, and choke me. This was the same woman that would spit on me. This was the same woman that would push my head into walls. So, and I was just a child. Now I'm 5'5 now. My mom, I think she's 5'7.

[00:11:07]So, as a little girl, she was very tall to me. And so, I was afraid of my mom.

[00:11:13]I think her and my first husband are probably the only two people I've ever feared in my life. I was very afraid of her. So, this particular night, um, she [clears throat] did have a porn addiction. She would always watch pornography. But this particular night, um, she thought I was asleep. That's why she didn't know that I knew. And so this particular night, um, I had on my little night gown. We slept in the same bed at my at my grandmother's house. Same bed.

[00:11:38]There was an extra bedroom, but for whatever reason, I wasn't allowed to have my own room. And so we sle in the same bed. And, you know, then she lifts up my little night gown and she puts her fingers into my underwear. And then she literally begins to rub her fingers back and forth across my clitorius.

[00:11:52]Now I'm laying in the bed and in my mind I do remember in that moment I wanted to scream, "What are you doing?" Like, "Stop."

[00:12:00]But I was afraid of her and I afraid that if I said something to her, I was going to get beat. I was afraid to call from for my grandmother because my grandmother almost worshiped my mom.

[00:12:12][clears throat] My mom was my grandmother's just I mean just pride and joy. And then I was afraid if I did call for grandmama, I was gonna get beat. And so I remember in that moment, what I did was I rolled over on my left side as if I was rolling over in my sleep. And that's when it stopped. So from that age, I never told anyone. I remember the next day going into the bathroom at school at elementary school and just crying. I also remember it made me want that sensation again.

[00:12:42]that at that age I shouldn't even be thinking about like I I shouldn't even know what any type of sexual attention feels like. But it wasn't until 2005 that I told someone and that woman that that the person that I told was my mother's uh husband when she remarried because my mom and I was always getting to it and he was like Rashidita and I was he was like why are you so disrespectful to your mother? I was I was very disrespectful to her. if I could make her life hard, I it I woke up with a goal to make her life hard. Um, and so finally he pulled me to the side one room because I mean I was just doing this at her. And he said, "Rashita, why are you so disrespectful to your mom?"

[00:13:22]And I told him, I said, "What you don't know is I said, "The woman that you love so much," I said, "She molested me."

[00:13:28]When I was a little girl at the house you used to come sit in, we all was dating. She molested me. the bed that I caught you and her having sex in before y'all got married, that's where she molested me. And he said to me, he said, "Rashita, we're not those people anymore." Um, and then he shared a secret with me that, and I don't tell people a secret that I I I told him I would never tell anyone. He said, "Now I know one of your secrets and now you know mine." Um, but I did notice that after that he treated me different, like I felt a little bit more love from him.

[00:14:00]So in 2005 I told him 2016 I got pregnant with my youngest son. Um and I remember my grandmother told me she said you have so much anger and just unforgiveness in your heart.

[00:14:16]And I remember God dealing with me about that too. When I got pregnant with Joelle it was like I knew I had to make a change. So I told my grandmother I said grandma I said this is why I got unforgiveness in my heart. And I told her the story I just told you about what my mom had did. And my grandma, she said to me, "Now, this particular grandmother is my mom's mom. So, we live with my mom's grandma. But this grandmama is my mom's mom. And her and I was always very close. She would come and pick me up.

[00:14:46]You know, just the childhood I did have, it was because of her. She would drive from Montgomery, Alabama to come to Phoenix City, Alabama to pick me up. She would let me spend the nights with her in the summers, take me bowling, programs, all kind of stuff. She taught me how to crochet. She taught me how to cook. I know how to crochet to this day.

[00:15:00]Taught me how to cook. And so she just made she would spend time with me. Um but I told her why. And I told her about the molestation. And she said, "Rashita, I believe you." And she said, "Here's why I believe you." She said, "Because I would come here." And she said, "I would see men in the house." And she told me one time she actually saw my mom having sex with me in the bed while with another man in the bed when I was just a little baby. She said, "I believe you."

[00:15:25]And she said this to me. She said, she said, "Rashita, you got to confront your mama." She said, "Here's why." She said, "Because I was inappropriately touched by a man when I was a little girl." And she said, "Just when I got to the place where I was ready to confront him and get it off my chest," she said, "the man died."

[00:15:43]That I can deal with that. But what she said next in is what really really shifted me. She said, "Rashita, I know I would die with unforgiveness in my heart because of that." She said, "So, you have to confront your mom." And in my faith, unforgiveness is is not an option. We we we believe that you cannot go to heaven with unforgiveness in your heart. And [snorts] so, I remember I went um I kneel down. I was in prayer.

[00:16:10]But I sent my mom a text. Um she had an iPhone, so of course when they read the text, you see the ellipses, the three dots. And I didn't attack her in that text. The first thing I did to her was I apologized.

[00:16:22]And I told her, I said, "Mom, I know I was a rebellious child. I know I was a disrespectful child. And I want you to know I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for how I treated you, the things I would say to you. Sorry for disobeying you, but here's why." And I told her, "You don't know that I knew what you did to me."

[00:16:39]And I went into detail and I told her.

[00:16:41]Next thing you know, I was blocked on all social media. Her and I did not talk for years.

[00:16:47]um one of my younger sisters who they they're my sisters by marriage when she met remarried him he had two girls and so um they told me that she was telling people I had mental illness and the church that I grew up in you know I was no longer interacting with them on social media it was just a mess and so that was 2016 and we didn't talk for years after that and then after I had Joelle whenever I would drive back to the Phoenix city and Columbus Georgia area you know I would stop and let her see the kids and stuff like that, but we went years without talking, so I didn't tell her about it until 2016.

[00:17:23]>> Do you think your stepfather's answer was acceptable just by saying, you know, we're not those same people anymore?

[00:17:29]Does that make it all better?

[00:17:30]>> No. Um, it kind of hurt me. I'm not going to lie. Um, but at the same time, when I look at this situation now, cuz that was 2005. Then it kind of hurt me because then I wanted him to like go and say something to her, like go go check her. you you do you I'm I'm telling you you married someone who molested a child like that's what you married to go check her he didn't do that but when I look back on that now and in my interviews I realize I'm not his biological child you know it's yeah he married my mom so I kind of come with the package but it wasn't his responsibility to speak up for me he wasn't going to leave my mom because I told him that you know even though I knew he believed So I now I accept his reaction um as a reaction of a pedophile's husband.

[00:18:23]But then I was looking for a dad. I think I wanted the reaction of a dad, you know. So no, it didn't help me at all. It kind of hurt me. But I do remember this. Um I do remember I do remember realizing that like dang Rashid, ain't nobody going to ever like nobody's going to ever have your back like that. you can just hang that up.

[00:18:43]You know, no one's going to ever have your back. I do remember feeling that way. Um, but his response was his response.

[00:18:51]It is what it is.

[00:18:52]>> Tell us how your life unfolds in your teenage years and and later on after that happens in your childhood, how that affects it.

[00:18:59]>> I hated women.

[00:19:02]Um, I hated women. I didn't I didn't trust women after that. Um, I became very promiscuous.

[00:19:10]I started dating outside of my age range. Um, but I I never was what people call a [ __ ] I was taught, you know, in the streets that it was always we there's a street saying then and it was called bros before hoes. [laughter] Bros before hoes.

[00:19:32]And I said, and I saw how they would treat the women of the streets, you know. I I saw I saw I saw they would make baby mamas out of them. Uh they would end up strung out. They would beat them. It just no respect for them in the streets.

[00:19:45]I said, "I'm going become a bro." And so I became very close with everyone who ran the streets. They they knew me. And so I I turned to the streets.

[00:19:58]I as a teen, as I approached my teens, I was aggressive. I was mean. Um, I didn't necessarily start fights, but I would use anything to start a fight.

[00:20:12]Like if someone was just looking at me some kind of way, I had no more happiness. So if you look at me, why are you looking at me like that? You know, and they could say, "No, no, I didn't mean or no," I would use that as ammunition to fight because I just wanted someone to feel what I felt. And then on top of that, I needed someone to take my anger out on. I couldn't take it out on my mom. Yes, I was disrespectful towards her. meaning that and my type of disrespect is not what we see kids doing now. It wasn't that talking back and I hate you and that type of no, we didn't play that. That's going so my disrespect towards her would be rolling my eyes. It would be smacking my lips when she would tell me to do something. Um it would be, you know, just not doing what she told me to do when she told me to do. That's about as worse as my disrespect ever got. And and that was bad in our family.

[00:20:53]That that's the worst it would ever get.

[00:20:56]So it I was I was a very disrespectful teen. I didn't want anything to do with any woman.

[00:21:03]at all. Um, I just didn't trust women because I was hurt by one. So, I would say my teenage years were very aggressive, very manipulative, and still very lonely. Cuz when you any teenager, whether you're a teenage boy, if you're a teenage boy, the most precious thing in your life as a teenage boy will be a grown man because they can help you develop the right way into your manhood. One of the most precious things as a teenage girl that she needs is a grown woman because she can help her develop the correct way into her womanhood.

[00:21:46]So, I didn't have either of those.

[00:21:51]So, I just went off. I live life instinct to instinct.

[00:21:55]Whatever I felt I should do, that's what I did.

[00:21:57]>> What did you want your future to be when you're a teenager? What What were you thinking? Was college an option? What do you want to do career-wise?

[00:22:04]>> I wanted to be an optometrist.

[00:22:06]Um, I always had like a passion for eyes like I did. I remember I had one eye exam and I was like, "Oo, you know, that was just what I I wanted to be an optometrist." And I was really serious about doing it. And then on top of that, I was a band player. Um, to my knowledge, they still say I'm still one of the best trumpet players to ever come through my high school in Columbus, Georgia. I was just good. I played the national anthem on ESPN, which is really good. Um, I wanted to go to Bthoon Cookman College. Um, I wanted to audition. My mom told me I couldn't audition for whatever reason. I don't know. I knew I could have got a full music scholarship.

[00:22:43]There was no way I could get I could read music. I could do it all. But she told me I couldn't do that. And I feel like that was kind of hate. I think she knew that if I went to college, I would make it. Um, and then I remember I took a health occupations class in high school and all that was where we got to pick a career path. we got to pick two things we wanted to do in the medical field and you got to shadow whoever you like if you wanted to be a plastic surgeon you could get out of school early and you could go shadow a plastic surgeon. So I chose um a family practitioner and I told an optometrist and I remember um I was shadowing them and I remember one day I went to my mom room and I was doing her makeup and I remember I said I was doing her hair and I said to her I said mama I said you know I want to be an optometrist and she was like ain't that a doctor? I said yeah. She said you can't do that. She said, "Color is not an option for you." And she started laughing. And when I tell you, it broke my heart. And I remember going to my room and I was just crying. And then I remember thinking to myself, "Yeah, that that dream is too big. You know, you look where you come from. Don't nobody in your family go to college. You just don't do that." Um, and it crushed me.

[00:23:56]And even to this day, it kind of made me want to tear up because I knew I would have been like a great I truly believe I would have invented something that would have dealt with blurred vision, you know? I tr I just believe that. But her saying that that that hurt me and it the just the desire to even dream big. I didn't know what that was until I had reached my adulthood.

[00:24:17]>> So what ends up happening?

[00:24:20]>> I start working in high school. Um I worked ever since high school.

[00:24:26]Um, but I knew working wasn't for me and I felt like I was getting sucked in because in my hood, you're not supposed to make it out. Like you, if you're born in tin top, you're supposed to die in tin top. That's what it is. But I knew I wanted more. And so I felt like I was working. I was just being sucked into a day routine that I saw my mama have, that I saw her mama have, that I saw my auntie have, and that that I couldn't let that happen. So I remember I got a job at Fort Bennon. I was a contractor.

[00:24:58]I was a barrack inspector for the single soldiers, right? This single woman and now I'm inspecting the barracks of these single soldiers. Honey. Yes. So then I meet my first husband and I knew he wasn't one. I knew it. Um but he was my way out. He was my way out. So um we end up getting married you know and then the next thing you know we're pcsing all the way to Germany and then that opened up a totally different chapter. So what I did was I went dayto day until I met an opportunity to leave and that marriage was my way out.

[00:25:36]>> What does PCSing mean?

[00:25:38]>> That's when a soldier transfers from one duty station to another. So he was in uh I can't think of the what the actual acronyms are. So he was course stationed at Fort Benning, Georgia and then he got orders to go to Mannheim, Germany. Okay.

[00:25:51]Well, I'm the wife, so I get to go, too.

[00:25:53]>> So, did you still have to work out there or were you >> Oh, no.

[00:25:57]No, no, no, no, I did not have to work.

[00:25:59]I retired when I was 33 years old, actually.

[00:26:01]>> That's been an interesting experience.

[00:26:03]>> It has been. Yeah. Um, and so, but we got there and next thing you know, I'm getting beat. I'm getting black eyes.

[00:26:11][clears throat] And >> by him?

[00:26:13]>> By him. How does this start?

[00:26:15]>> It started actually was in Fort Bennon when I was pregnant with our first son.

[00:26:19]He kicked me and I remember he was sitting on the couch and I was sitting on the love seat and we was arguing and I said something and he got from the couch and he kicked me and that was the first time I ever had that happen and it kind of shocked me cuz I was like wait a minute like did you really just kick me cuz I'm pregnant big pregnant. I was like what? And then I told him I said I don't know who you think you are. You don't kick. I was going off and I mean going off. And then he comes and by this time I'm up off the couch and he comes he push me in the wall and he throws me in the bed and he start pounding pounding my stomach.

[00:26:54]I felt like he was trying to hurt the baby or terminate the pregnancy cuz he didn't touch my face. He kept doing it to my stomach and that scared me. Um and so I have the baby after that he didn't hit me. He didn't hit me um before we got ready to go to Germany. I don't remember him hitting me, but I do remember when we got stationed and settled in Germany.

[00:27:21]I don't remember the first argument we had, but that was when it started up.

[00:27:26]And then we end up moving to H Highleberg, Germany. And he would beat me really, really bad. And I remember I had a fractured toe. I had a fractured toe. and he would drink.

[00:27:42]That's what would trigger his thing. He just something he couldn't handle his alcohol. And so he came home one day from drinking and I had the baby. The baby was in the crib. He was in his room sleep. And he came and he started hitting me and he started headbutting me in the nose and I remember breaking out of the bedroom and I ran into our living room and he kept hitting me in my face and he kept slapping me, pushed me onto the floor and was literally slapping me like this. He still had on his army attire. And I remember him [snorts] stomping me and I'm screaming, "Help!

[00:28:16]Somebody help me." I'm screaming, "Help." I remember he took his boot with his his foot with his boot and he st stomped me in my ribs and I remember I heard a crack and I felt a pain that was so crazy that I literally I couldn't even scream. I literally I could not scream. I was trying to scream, but the more I would gasper air, it felt like it it really felt like all of my insides were being cut wide open as I would try to scream. And then the next thing I remember, I remember we got a knock on the door and it end up being our neighbor who was also a soldier. And I heard him say, "Sergeant Smith, get off of her. Get up off of her. The MPs are on their way." So the MPs, they come to the house and I remember it was a female detective that came and she said, "Do you want to press charges?" I said, "Yeah." And she was like, "Okay, fine.

[00:29:06]We're going to take it. You going to do a report." And I remember getting there and I said, "I don't want to press charges." And the look that she gave me, it was like her her look, her face said, "Do you not remember what happened to you? Do you not remember what happened to you?" And she said, "Well, can I still send you to the doctor?" And I was like, "Yeah, fine." And so they did X-rays. God be thank I did not have a broken rib. And to this day I don't know what that was about. Everything was fine. Um but I remember she comes to the hospital with me and she says, "Are you sure you don't want to brace?" I said, "I'm sure." But the look, she gave me that same look and it was like, "Girl, you stupid." She like, "You are, that's what it looks like. You're really stupid." [snorts] So that happened until we got to Fort Bragg. And that was when I began to kind of my career began to kind of take off in my entrepreneurship.

[00:29:56]And this one particular time we was coming from church, right? Coming from church and we got into what would be the worst fight ever. And he did the same thing, beating me, pushing me. And so I remember I jumped on his back and preachers, so he was a preacher too, right?

[00:30:14]Whatever. And so he had on his clergy collar and I remember I jumped on his back and I was pulling him by his clergy. It was funny now when I think about it, but I was pulling him by his clergy collar and I remember I had my phone in my hand and he took the phone from me. He bit into the phone. So he all these crashes on his lips and all that kind of stuff. Got it fine. But I remember I had an iron. God thank our son. He was in his room sleeping. He heard none of this. But it looked like he was getting ready to go into Junior's room. So I remember I saw this iron on the ironing board from earlier that morning where I was ironing our clothes.

[00:30:48]I got the iron. I told him I said if you go anywhere near my son I will kill you.

[00:30:52]I will kill you. That's it. Period.

[00:30:55]Point blank. And that would be the worst fight. The MPs they got involved because I had to call the MPs. I I knew he was so upset by me fighting back. I was going to get him. So we end up getting ready to get the divorce. He wants to come and take Junior to school one day.

[00:31:10]Got it. Fine. I allow him to do that.

[00:31:13]This wasn't the worst fight, but it was the longest fight. And we're fighting and I remember Junior, we had a wire hanger and I saw I took the hanger. To make a long story short, I'm making a really long story short. I took the hanger and I threw it at him at, you know, my my soon tobe ex-husband at the time. And I looked back and I saw Junior standing there and he said to me, he said, "Mom," he said, "you threw a hanger at my daddy."

[00:31:39]And that hurt me because and I was so angry with God because I'm like, why would you allow him to see that after everything this man has put me through, put me in on hospitals, beaten me. Why would you allow Jeremy to see that? Why couldn't you let him see all the time? He done choked me till I passed out, all this other stuff. And that was when I realized that the responsibility of righteousness, it wasn't on Jeremy. It was on me.

[00:32:09]I had a responsibility not to allow anyone to get me out of character, to get me well, I don't like to say get out of character because I feel like if you get out of character, you you've been acting all along. But allow anyone to shift my emotions. I gave him too much power. And I realized that our children, they weren't watching him. Even though they were boys, they're watching me. And that was when I knew I had to do what was right at all times. But it hurt me.

[00:32:37]And so after divorce, this same kid, he actually did see what his dad would do to me. And I knew about it because he was up at the school and I remember he had told the teacher, he said, "My dad spit on my mommy. My dad choked my mommy. My dad hit my mommy." Mind you, I've never said any of this stuff around him. I just didn't believe in that. But he had saw so much and he had heard so much that he remembered. So I I go up to the school and I let them know, yes, that's true, but his dad doesn't live with us. And and that was I took that I chose to believe that that was God showing me, Rashida, I'm not that type of God where I'll just spotlight your flaws. I made sure your son understood who your dad was, who their dad was. And I think it's because of that moment that I really felt like I didn't have the need, really no need to badmouth their dad. God showed them all they needed to know. So after that, I decided to put I put my baby in counseling. I got counseling and we began to heal from this, you know. Um I wanted a way out of away from my mom so bad that I chose to marry a man that I had already seen signs of aggression in. For the most part, I chose to marry a man that I knew I did not love. And I truly believe that he did not love me just so I could get away from her.

[00:34:09]He could have been a serial killer. I could have known he was a serial killer.

[00:34:13]I would have told myself, "Well, he he's not going to kill me just so I can get away from her."

[00:34:20]That's how bad that's how bad the relationship between her and I was. And when I speak about this, I've heard women say, "You still hate women." Or, you know, you got so much hatred. How dare you praise the one who left and you want to disrespect the one who who stayed. But sometimes an absent parent is far better than an abusive parent.

[00:34:44]I I can't praise any parent who stay and you want the badge of I raised you as a single mother, not when you were an abusive mother. See, the worst I can say about my dad is that he left. But I can give you an entire list about my mom. I was sexually abused by her, physically abused by her. She mold me into Rashidita. But God had to transform me from Rashida into his daughter. So I I I I when when parents single parents raise children, they're doing they can everything they can to do it the right way and they don't take their singleness out on their children. Those are the parents that I praise and I celebrate for staying. But just because you chose to raise a child alone and you choose to take your anger out on someone who can't defend themselves, you molest them, you beat them, you belittle them. You get no admiration from me. And so I say this to everyone. I love my mom. Whenever I've seen my mom, I love her as if none of this has never happened because that's what forgiveness does. Forgiveness is not we got to be cool again.

[00:35:49]Forgiveness, this is how you know when you have forgave someone. You can treat them as if the offense never happened.

[00:35:56]When I see her, I love her like it never happened. She would never be homeless as long as I have a home. She would never ever go without food as long as I have money. I love her, but I'm not going to not tell my story to defend your reputation because you should have never done it. And and I'm not one of those type of people who I'm just because you're my mom, you think I'm going to wait until you dead to tell this? No.

[00:36:21]I'm going to tell it while you're alive.

[00:36:23]If you have a problem with it or if you want to tell people I'm lying, take the lie detector test. I've challenged you to a lie detector test. I'm willing to take it. I'll pay for it. But when it comes back that I'm telling the truth, I want my money back. So that lie detector test will never happen because she knows I'm telling the truth. She knows she did this. Um, but I feel like if you are a parent and you're so hurt that is causing you to mistreat your children, first of all, you don't know who you're raising. You could be raising the next president of the United States. You can be raising the next millionaire. You could be raising the next billionaire. You could be raising a child that's willing to take care of you for the rest of your life.

[00:37:03]But you get to decide if that happens.

[00:37:06]And as children, we judge how we care for our parents by how they care for us.

[00:37:10]Now, if there's someone who you know has been redeemed and their heart has not been hardened by everything that you've put them through, that child that you hurt may indeed decide, you know, I'm just going to take care of them or love them either way. But you still have to live with that knowing that you've mistreated this child and now this child is trying to take care of you.

[00:37:30]You're going to have to live with that.

[00:37:31]That's going to hurt one day.

[00:37:33]So I still tell myself I choose to believe that my mom did love me. I choose to tell myself that she did the best she could according to her knowledge.

[00:37:46]But there was more knowledge to be sought.

[00:37:51]I do everything I can even to this day.

[00:37:53]Even you you you've seen my daughter.

[00:37:54]You've seen her. I'm still asking God and I'm still asking my children what can I do to be a better mother? I ask them often. Okay. What do y'all see in mama? What do you see mama need to change? What? What can I do? What? What?

[00:38:07]What am I? What is it now? And mama, you yelling too much. Because that was their thing. You yelled too much. You always doing this. Okay, fine. I've worked on those things. So, what is it? How can mama be a better mother to you? Help me be a better mother to you. And they'll tell me what they don't like that I've done that week. And I and because I'm constantly seeking knowledge how to be a better mother to them. Now that don't mean they can get out of line, but I give them permission to teach me. You know, I give them permission to teach me how to parent them. You know what it is that you need. So, she did the best she could according to her knowledge, but there was still more knowledge that could have been gained. You know, >> looking back on it now, what do you think those early aggression signs were with your ex-husband? Those, you know, warning signs.

[00:38:50]the That's funny you asked that because I I'mma say this was the first time. I remember he got pulled over for speeding and he quickly snapped at the cop and I'm like, "You were speeding?" You know, he like, "What the f you pulled me over for?" And I was like, "Okay, that like that's that's weird behavior, but I just kind of overlooked it." Um, we got married very quick, so I didn't really have time to I didn't allow for time to kind of watch how he dealt with his anger or anything like that. The the signs that I saw were once we were married, you know, the the kicking me while I was pregnant, you know, and things like that. Um, and that's one thing I like to tell young couples who say they want to get married, you know, date long enough to see how each others respond in anger.

[00:39:41]date long enough. You know, I know everything is fine now. Of course, yes, it is. You're not married. You can go to your house and he can leave and go to his, but learn how they respond in anger and see if you can deal with that. Um, another thing that I tell them because of what I've gone through in marriage is be willing to accept them how they are now because they may not ever change. So the person that you're dating now, will you be okay with living with them as they are for the rest of your life?

[00:40:09]Because they may not ever change. You know, a lot of people marry people and they have habits or they have drinking habits and they like, "Oh, you know, I know eventually he going to drink all his life." You don't know that as they are now. Is this something you can deal with? If that's the case, go for it.

[00:40:26]So, I didn't have time to see signs until after we had said I do. And what's crazy is we went and got married on our lunch break. [laughter] I wanted out and we we got married on our lunch break. We sure did. Went down to Muscogi County Courthouse. He was on his lunch break. He had his armor uniform. I clocked out for my lunch break as a barrack inspector. We drove, got married, that was it.

[00:40:48]>> Do you think his position of say power being in the military uh made you look past certain traits he had characteristics?

[00:40:56]>> No. [snorts] Um that No. No. that had nothing with me doing to do with me looking past what you know whatever his character flaws were. What made me endure and overlook his character flaw was the fact that I didn't want to go back to my mother.

[00:41:09]>> It all stems from what she did to you as a child.

[00:41:12]>> Yes. Um it all stems from that. And then I come from, you know, a line of preaching. So my mom, you know, she was an evangelist. So she was always preaching here and preaching there. And I was always some kind of way going to find myself in one of her sermons. It was always going to be something about a rebellious child. Oh, I tell Rashida this and I tell Rashida that. And I remember Rashida like she would always put my business out over the pull pit.

[00:41:36]And so it it wasn't just the abuse at home. It was, you know, all this stuff that she would say to me and say about me. Um, and I I didn't want to deal with that anymore. I I didn't want to go I I just I I could not go back to her. I I couldn't I I would have rather died in that marriage before I went back to her cuz she had just hurt me so bad. She had done so much.

[00:42:01]>> Why do you think you didn't press charges that first time with the MPs?

[00:42:04]Cuz you were I mean in a different country you were clearly away from your mother. Why do you think you stayed in that moment?

[00:42:10]>> I would have had to go back home. Um I've already seen wives get divorced and had to go back home. Um, I was in a member of of FRG, family readiness group. And so you meet a lot of of of wives. Um, and sometime they would even allow the aspiring wives, like if you a soldier had a girlfriend, they would bring them around, you know, these other wives. And I would hear the stories um of them having to go back home and that I would hear even officers wise, well, you know, Captain Captain such and such wife, you know, she just got sent back home. I didn't want to go. Leaving him would cost me too much. Um, in the early stages of it, the early stages of it, I stayed. I endured the punches because I thought I could take it and I didn't want to go back home. But then there came a place where I really got afraid of him because people have to realize that this was not just a regular soldier. He was airborne.

[00:42:59]Um and it was something else. He was a part of some elite group in the army.

[00:43:04]But he knew what to do. He knew how much to do to hurt me and he knew how little to do not to kill me. And so with the threats that he would make and then the choking me until I pass out and all the bees and stuff that he would give me, I really was afraid that if I did leave, he would kill me and the kids. Like that really became a thing. I stayed long enough that that became a thought. And and that scared me because I was like, if he's crazy enough to to beat you while he's in the military, he really is going to beat you if if you leave. Like he really will hurt you. And so people don't realize that I was one that will always say I would never ever be with a man that hit me, yet alone stay with one. I I was I would say that. I heard a lot of black women saying that until I found myself in one.

[00:43:56]And and this is something I believe that needs to be talked about because people would say, "Why did you stay?" Well, you stay first of all because you really do believe they're going to kill you. You also stay because you tell yourself that, okay, it's okay to take a punch a day. Rather than go and be homely or hungerous for god knows how long you stay because there is this embarrassment of leaving and then not just the embarrassment of leaving when people begin to ask why you leave you have to tell them well he was hitting me most of them are not going to believe you and then that's going to lead to another another uh category of questioning well why in the world did you stay and so now you have to explain that and at that time you don't really have it to put in words so it's a lot of psychology behind why someone stays in a space where they choose to be abused cuz I ch me staying I chose abuse. I had reasons for it but that's why >> now couldn't the military have still done something? I mean they clearly witnessed you being abused and attacked that day.

[00:45:00]>> Yeah.

[00:45:01]>> Were you hoping that they would would do something?

[00:45:03]>> They did. Um, when I was at Fort Bragg, that was when I knew that they would help me because when we was in Germany and that was when I got the bulk of my beatings in Germany. [snorts] My family advocate, my victim's advocate, she didn't really tell me what my benefits would be. [snorts] [clears throat] Please excuse me. She didn't tell me what my benefits would be. She didn't tell me there would be help. Her thing was trying to get him out the house. Okay, they're going to put him in the barracks. You still your son be able to keep the home and that type of stuff. And so when this happened at Fort Bragg, you know, and I decided to fight back and stuff like that, I had a new victim's advocate, of course. And that's when she told me, she said, "Do you know that the military have funds for people just like you?" She said, "Girl, you can keep your triricare." She said, "Girl, you'll get your housing allowance." She said, "You'll get a lump sum of money to help you and that baby do and get on y'all feet." I didn't know any of that. And she said, "And we will put a restraining order on him, a protective order when he can't even come near you." I didn't know that in Germany. Had I known that in Germany, I would have been called it off. I would have went back to the States, but I didn't know that the military would actually give me the funds I needed to help me and my kid get our own place and we would have health insurance so I wouldn't have to be homeless. So then, if I had have known that, yeah. But when I learned that they would, that made it easier for me to go ahead and do this because you got to think and and and this was I think what kind of may make my situation probably more understandable for certain people. It wasn't in my mind, it wouldn't just be me that would be hungry and homeless without health insurance. It was my kids. And I told myself, you know, he he's not hitting the kids, you know, he hitting you like the kids straight. He come he spend home with them all the time. You know, I spend time with them all the time. So I was like, okay, now it's not just you anymore. So, they gonna have to deal with this too, you know.

[00:46:52]But when I learned that my kids will be protected, I would be protected. Um, I I took that opportunity and and the military, big shout out to the United States Army because the child that I was pregnant with, when I told you what I had to learn how to forgive and stuff like that, that was Joelle. That was a child that he threatened to to kill while I was pregnant with him. And because of that last fight, the military put a restraining order on him. the county came back and put a restraining order on him. Um, and when I went into labor with him, my hospital room was like it was it it was like his own military base. I mean, the MPs had me protected. Did you hear me? Just in case Sergeant Smith tried to come up there and start some mess. And I felt so I did cuz I was concerned about it. I was like, if I had this baby, he come up here, is he going to try to take the baby from me? You know, I had those thoughts, but I never shared it with anyone. And [snorts] so my victim advocate is like for your labor date cuz they induced uh induced me with Joel. We we the MPs everything is going to be fine. You don't have to worry about anything. And and that was that.

[00:47:53]>> You shared that moment earlier about how your son witnessed you throw a hanger.

[00:47:58]>> Yeah.

[00:47:58]>> Uh at him. Do you think it's hard uh for a child to understand uh what exactly is going on and then for you as a mother to in a way make the choice for your child to to pick one parent over another?

[00:48:12]>> Yeah. Um, I think it can be hard for them to understand, but I do think that it can be easy, it's even easier for a child to be manipulated.

[00:48:23]Um, for instance, for example, let's just say he saw Jeremy punched me in my face and he goes to Jeremy Jr. and he says, "Yeah, daddy punched mama in the face, but mama was hurting daddy. Mama was slapping daddy and mommy had to stop that. Daddy had to stop mama for hurting him. That kid is going to believe everything his dad just said. Why? He's going to totally forget that how he felt when his mom got slapped, but he's going to believe the convincing of the manipulation.

[00:48:55]So, it's easier for him to be manipulated. Um, I do know this and I know this through the lens of my children because see, I've never seen my mom um get abused in any way by any man.

[00:49:06]I've never seen it happen. But from the lens of my kids, I know that to see a parent being physically abused or even see the parent in a physical fight, that kid remembers that. It bothered my son so bad, he's at school talking about it to the point I had to put him in counseling.

[00:49:26]So, this stuff affects the children.

[00:49:30]It must be hard too as the parent, especially the one that's the one being abused, to see your child have so much love for the spouse that's hurting you.

[00:49:38]Uh, and for them to not understand that you're being hurt as well.

[00:49:44]That was where I had to do a lot of prayer. Um, and that was when I had the awakening and I had to learn that Rashida, he was a crappy husband, but he's always been a good dad. And that goes back into the whole because I felt like I'm'll be honest if I can be transparent. I didn't want them to love their dad because of how he was treating me. Like I didn't want them to have no type of love. I didn't want them asking for their daddy. I didn't want them asking can they call their daddy? Mama, when daddy's come home from work, I didn't want their dad to have that because of how he treated me.

[00:50:16]I would have been a bitter baby mama had I not had an awakening. and and you know, and I had to realize, okay, Rashidita, don't don't hold that. Don't do your children like that. Don't don't don't do that. You think you're hurting Jeremy, but that's really going to hurt the kids. And that's when I realized, yeah, he he was a crappy husband, but he was a great dad. And so, I had to tell myself that so that I wouldn't feel intimidated by the love that they had for their dad, you know. Now, in my situation, it just happened that my children, they just got reached a place where they didn't want anything to do with their dad. Um, and I never wanted them to be able to say that I kept them from their dad. So, when I noticed that their dad would stop calling, I would ask them every so often, hey, do y'all want to call your dad? Do y'all want to FaceTime your dad? And they'll be like, no. And I remember one time their dad did call. And it was like, Junior, he didn't even want to go to the phone. And I was like, don't do that. That's your dad. Like, talk to your dad. So, I would make him talk. And the next time he called, I would make him talk. And one time I actually made him call his dad so they could talk. But one time he called and Junior did the same thing and it was like I heard God saying don't do that.

[00:51:26]Don't force him to talk to him. In due time it will all work out. So I although I don't make them stay disconnected, I no longer make him or push him to have a relationship with him because in due time it's it's going to all be corrected. You know, >> did you ever find out where your ex-husband's aggression came from and his issues?

[00:51:50]>> I do know that he was adopted. I do know that his parents that I did melt meet, those were not his biological parents.

[00:51:56]He was a I think he was an orphan. I think both his parents were gone or something. Anyways, he was adopted kid.

[00:52:02]Um, he did tell me that during whatever group home or foster home he was at, he went through things there. Um, so but I think it was more that he was not telling me. And often times I do feel like his liquor had a lot to do with it because you still was an adopted kid whether you drunk or sober but it wasn't until you were drunk that you would come and beat me. So I would blame it more on him not being able to handle his liquor than his childhood.

[00:52:31]>> Where do you go after you finally break away from the [clears throat] marriage?

[00:52:34]>> I get my own little townhouse in Fagetville, North Carolina. Um, I put my son into God is just so good. I put my son into the best private school in the state of North Carolina. One of the best in the state of North Carolina, but definitely the best in that city. Um, we build and I'm working at that point and it was hard. I had to cry many times because even after that I still at this point I long for a sincere marriage like I really wanted to be a wife. Um but I was enjoying life. I had them on a schedule picking up for school working.

[00:53:17]Um but I knew that something was missing you know. Then I lose everything. I lose everything and I hit rock bottom and I find myself back at tin top with two little boys after being homeless. Um, and I I I don't try to knock or devalue anyone's experience. But I say this, until you have slept in the rain, you ain't homeless. If I hear people say they slept in their cars, I have done that, too. But that's still a provision.

[00:53:53]do you have had to sleep outside with no place to go?

[00:53:57]That's home business.

[00:53:59]And I end up having a um two-story four-bedroom house with a loft and I lose that and I had to humble myself and I asked my grandmother, the same grandmother that said, "Rashita, you have to confront." I said, "Can we can we move with you?" And without hesitation, she said, "Yeah." So I was there um for about two months with her.

[00:54:24]Then I got remarried again. And my second husband, my first husband were both soldiers. They both have the first same first name. They both had the same rank and they both were preachers.

[00:54:37]God be think he and I we didn't have any children. And you know that marriage didn't last. But um after that marriage that was when I really really went hard my entrepreneurship and I was able to retire.

[00:54:47]>> Oh the second marriage.

[00:54:48]>> The second marriage >> didn't last. I married two Jeremies.

[00:54:51]>> And did he know the first one?

[00:54:53]>> They didn't know each other, but they knew of each other. And they actually met each other via FaceTime because he wanted to, you know, the their dad wanted to visit the kids. And so we sat on FaceTime, we met them, but no, they didn't know each other.

[00:55:04]>> And was he abusive or No.

[00:55:05]>> No.

[00:55:06]>> Okay.

[00:55:06]>> No, I not. Now, see, here's the thing about that. when I came out of that marriage with the abuse um then I became you know started working for the federal government and I had had took self-defense training and you know all the all the different training and combat trainings I went through I became a walking weapon so that marriage literally made me a walking weapon now no man would ever no woman would ever you know in order to take me down you can't punch me and take me down no more you're going to have to kill me because this is going to be the fight of your safe. And so I learned how to defend myself and I made sure my children, they know how to defend themselves, too. You know, they know how to shoot guns. They know how to fight, but they know only to fight when you have to fight. And so I became a walking weapon.

[00:55:50]>> Why'd you hit rock bottom after that first marriage? What happened >> after I was pregnant with Joelle and I got ready to go into maternity leave. I didn't have maternity leave because I had not been working that job long enough to have maternity leave. By this time he was scheduled to pay child support but there was no child support and I had to take off that I got behind because I think I took off a month before my delivery. Of course I can't go to work once I have him and I definitely can't go back after him. So after that third month my bills are 60 days behind including my car that came and put my came and pick my car up. I had to leave my home. I didn't have any more money for child care and the benefits that I was getting was food stamps and I was getting uh the health insurance but I wasn't getting any money. So although we had necessities, I couldn't afford to pay for our house. I couldn't afford to keep the car. So I had to humble myself and I had to go move back to tentac with my grandmother. I just didn't have any incoming money. I we had a house, we had food, but what about soap? What about toilet paper? What about the car that got to be paid? Not to mention the car insurance. What about the house, the light bill? You know, and my lights were always getting turned off. So embarrassing and so humbling. My lights are always getting turned off and so I didn't have money to live.

[00:57:09]>> What happens after that second marriage that you're able to rebuild?

[00:57:13]>> After that second marriage, I had become popular on social media. You know, I told you my pages got hacked, but I was popular on social media when I came out of my first marriage. I started sharing the story. And then the second husband that I did marry, he was popular on social media. So when he's marrying Rashida Anes, now we're both super popular on social media. Um, and so that was when I decided to start doing my custom apparel. And I posted one particular design. It went almost viral.

[00:57:44]Then people started ordering and ordering, ordering. So, I made it a legitimate business. So, with that marriage, I was more like an experiment cuz I knew, you know, I knew I knew that wasn't it, you know, I just knew that wasn't it. So, I was like, this is something like I'm going to and I don't want to shade him. But some people have a certain type and I do too.

[00:58:07]But my type would always let me down, you know, whether I would get beat, you know, beat or whether I would get, you know, end up getting sexually assaulted.

[00:58:15]I've had a share of those. So, I said that was like, you know, I'm gonna try this. You I'm I'mma see this. You know, he looks nothing like who I normally deal with. So, this can't be bad. This has got to be it. This got to be good.

[00:58:25]And it was not it at all. And I was mad at myself cuz I was like, hold up. I did you a favor. You You benefit from marrying me. Like, I'm the prize in this marriage. You want to act like that?

[00:58:38]And so yeah that >> when you started sharing your story on social media did you have a lot of women or maybe even men reach out that that you know shared similar experiences?

[00:58:50]>> When I started sharing about the domestic I would have similar people reach out saying thank you. Um but when I started sharing about the molestation that's when I had men and women reaching out and they weren't just saying thank you. they were going into details and that was when I knew I had to keep talking about it. And it was I was amazed to realize to to come to the realization of how many children who are now adults were sexually assaulted not by their dad, not by their uncle, but by their mother. And most of the men that reached out to me, they're embarrassed to say. They're embarrassed to say that they were sexually assaulted as a child.

[00:59:33]And so I become their refuge. I become their safe haven. I become, you know, their safe place where they can talk and get this out, you know, and so I knew that this was opening up so many doors.

[00:59:47]And there are times where I would just stay up hours throughout the night on social media just responding to inboxes, you know, and people asking what should I do in this situation and okay, how did this affect your kids and what do you do? And then some even asking to pray, will you pray for me? And every time I get a inbox that says, will you pray for me? No matter what I'm doing, I'm stopping what I'm doing. I'm going to pray. And so this has I just didn't realize how many adults were still carrying the burden and the trauma from being sexually assaulted by a bi biological parent, particularly a mother.

[01:00:18]>> What advice do you give to them? What do you share to them?

[01:00:21]>> You reserve every right to be frustrated.

[01:00:23]You know, if it happened to you as a child, it's not your fault. That's the first thing. You have every right to be angry.

[01:00:31]Now, that would be their general advice I would I would give them, but it's only I do have advice that's unique to certain people because they have unique situations. Um, and I do have some come that aren't Christians and I have some that are. And so, I have to take a different approach. But whether you're Christian or non-Christian, I'm always going to mention Jesus. That's just going to happen. If you talk to me, I'm not going to talk start talking about Jesus and the Holy Ghost at any time.

[01:00:57]They just, you need to know that. But there are some who really do not believe in forgiveness. So me just telling them why they have to forgive, me giving them scriptures, they're not trying to hear that. So that's when I start trying to walk them to walk them through practices, okay, that can lead to forgiveness without them even knowing that it can lead to forgiveness, you know, then the next thing you know, it don't bother them as much as it used to.

[01:01:21]Okay, just cuz there's forgiveness there, you know. Um, so yeah. What would you say to young Rashida?

[01:01:28]You know, the version of you today that's made it through to the other side. What would you say to your younger self? I would tell her I would say life is going to get hard, but you can't faint. You can't faint and you can't give up because you're in the making of becoming a leader.

[01:01:49]Yes. Yes. is hard now, but there are so many people that's attached to the pain that you're going to have to go through.

[01:01:59]Understand that while you're going through it, you're not going through it just for you. You're going through it for hundreds of people. Hundreds of people who've made it out of what you're going through, but they're still mentally messed up.

[01:02:13]Understand that you may not understand why you have to go through what you're going through, but 20 years from now, you will understand.

[01:02:21]Understand that when life gets hard, it's because God knows that you can handle it.

[01:02:26]Understand that your future is far greater than where you are now.

[01:02:32]Understand that when mommy doesn't understand, when daddy doesn't understand, understand that God still understands.

[01:02:40]I would tell her, "Tream big, baby.

[01:02:44]Don't allow anyone to tell you that you can't do it because everything they say that you can't do, you're going to do twice.

[01:02:53]Don't allow anyone to tell you that you're not qualified cuz everything they say that you're not qualified for, you're going to obtain twice.

[01:03:02]That's what I would tell her.

[01:03:04]>> Well, Rashidita, I appreciate you coming on the show today.

[01:03:06]>> Thank you so much.