Something Changes Before Avoidants Leave You

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]This is the part no one tells you about those relationships.

[00:00:04]You felt it shift long before it ended.

[00:00:08]And if you're really honest with yourself, there was a moment in time where something felt off and you ignored it. Not because you're stupid and not because you missed something glaringly obvious, but because before that moment, everything felt so real. It felt aligned. Maybe it felt like destiny.

[00:00:30]It felt easy to be with this person. It felt like finally this is what I've been looking for.

[00:00:38]And that's what makes all of this so confusing because the beginning and the ending with an avoidant never match up because the shift didn't happen all at once. You see, it was gradual. It wasn't dramatic. It was subtle, maybe even imperceptible.

[00:00:57]they just started showing up differently or maybe they stopped reaching for you in the same way.

[00:01:04]Maybe the text got shorter or colder. Maybe you started feeling like you were bothering them, just being yourself and having needs in the relationship. Maybe you noticed yourself overanalyzing or overthinking things you never used to.

[00:01:21]Maybe they became emotionally harder to read.

[00:01:26]Maybe they stopped asking questions about you. Maybe conversations started feeling surface level. I know mine did in my marriage. It was so lonely. Maybe you felt them pulling away, but every once in a while, they'd come back just enough to keep you attached. That does so much to your attachment system and your nervous system.

[00:01:47]You become wired for disconnection and then connection. Maybe you started feeling anxious around them, around this person who originally made you feel so loved and so safe. Maybe you started feeling lonely while you were next to them. Maybe the consistency disappeared, but the chemistry didn't.

[00:02:06]And that's what confused you. Maybe your nervous system started feeling unsettled even while you were trying to convince yourself everything's fine. Everything's good here. This is nothing. This things will go back to the way they were.

[00:02:20]Maybe they became just emotionally available enough to keep you hoping.

[00:02:26]Or maybe you found yourself analyzing changes in tone and energy and affection, but maybe, just maybe, deep down, you knew that something was changing, but you were afraid to fully look at it. You were afraid to even admit it to yourself. So instead of questioning any of these things, you explained them away. You told yourself, "They're busy. They're stressed out.

[00:02:48]work is really hard right now. They've got a lot going on. Whatever you said to yourself, you gave them the benefit of the doubt because you were still holding on to who they were in the beginning, to who they showed you they could be, to the potential that they never quite lived up to. And this is the part that nobody really talks about.

[00:03:07]You weren't chasing them.

[00:03:10]You were trying to make the beginning make sense. You were chasing a version of them that they showed you in the beginning. You are trying to reconcile the past with the present.

[00:03:20]Reconciling how someone who felt so connected and so real, so present with you could suddenly feel so distant, so detached and so different. And your brain keeps trying to fix that disconnect. And this is when people come to my channel or find me or work with me. In fact, I have some downloadable audio hypnosis.

[00:03:41]And this will help you stop the cycle.

[00:03:43]It'll help you stop spinning out of control. It'll help your mind quiet because your brain is going to try to fix that disconnect logically. It's going to go back to, "But what about the beginning, Sarah? What about who they were in the beginning? Can't we get back to that?" But here's the truth. And it might hurt. The relationship didn't confuse you at the end. It confused you the moment it stopped matching the beginning. the moment it stopped making sense and you stayed anyway. You stayed through the pain and through the confusion. And that's the moment the attachment actually deepens, believe it or not, because now you're not just in the relationship. You're trying to get back to something that already started slipping away probably months ago, weeks ago, years ago. And that's why it's so hard to let go because a part of you isn't grieving who they are now. You're grieving who they were and who you thought you'd be. they'd become and who you thought you'd be as a couple. You're grieving a future that's never going to happen. You're grieving so many deaths at once. And that version of you that's grieving who you thought they were is the part that you actually have to let go of, that you actually have to accept.

[00:04:57]So, if you're done spiraling and if you're ready to actually rewire the pattern internally, those downloads I spoke about earlier are available below.

[00:05:05]There's several of them and you can apply to work with me oneon-one and be part of my private men's group and that link I'll also put below. And if you just want to start off with memberships on my channel adree videos, you can do that as well. Whatever makes sense to you. But please like, share, and subscribe. I grow this channel organically. I put a lot of work into this behind the scenes, guys. You should see you should see the bloopers. I put so much heart and soul into these videos for you to get them right and to really speak to your heart and your soul because I know where you're sitting.

[00:05:36]This channel was born from my own pain, okay? From my own attachment style. I'm a healing disorganized and it was born in wanting it was born because I'm a teacher and I want to help other people get out of this faster than I did. I want you to have the resources available and to know you're not alone. sending you love and sending you healing. And I look forward to working with some of you and I look forward to meeting some of you at future retreats. We're actually there's actually one happening October of this year in my beautiful, beautiful home state, Florida. It's either going to be in Delray Beach or Orlando. But this is only open to people I've worked with privately. So, if that's something that you're interested in, apply to work with me below. Let's get started and I'll see you guys soon. Take really good care.