Jack Lost All His Money in Vegas | Shut Up I'm Talking Podcast EP. 88

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:03]Podcast. Podcast. We are doing a podcast. I'm podcasting with Jack and I am podcasting today. My name is Tom. Tom May it in it. In it in it in it.

[00:00:15]>> There you go.

[00:00:15]>> That was to appeal to more music based fans cuz then maybe on Spotify we'll go into the music category instead of podcasts.

[00:00:23]>> Shut up. I'm talking.

[00:00:24]>> Shut up. Shut up. I'm talking. Shut up.

[00:00:28]Shut up. I'm talking. Shut up.

[00:00:30]>> But before we get started, we have an announcement. This episode is sponsored by us. That's right. We have a $7 Patreon. We spoke about it a lot, but this week we're finally giving it the big push. We're selling it to you. So, hear us out. Right now, if you go to the link in the description and go to patreon.com/shop I'm talking, you can join over 15,000 other lovely members of the community. And look, we get it. Not everyone's willing to part with $7 like that. So, if you want to just dip your toe in and try our free tier for a little bit, you can get some small pieces of exclusive content, get a feel out for the vibe before you dive in on that $7 tier and gain access to over 100 episodes of exclusive content that you've never seen. Every week we have a 45minute full podcast dedicated to just the Patreon subscribers. This is a little more relaxed, a little more deep, a little more open, and you get to see properly us a little more switched off.

[00:01:25]And every month we have the Jackivity.

[00:01:29]This is a vlog where Jack does something that he's never done before. Again, kind of like the old school vlogs, but now a little more relaxed, a little more adult, and a lot more for you guys. You can join and see all 15 episodes, hours of content right now. But at the end of the day, shop I'm talking to two of us.

[00:01:45]And we also have Tom talks where Tom gets really neurodeivergent. Well, yeah.

[00:01:50]Tom speaks about things he's really, really interested in in a lot of depth.

[00:01:54]Talk Bruce Springsteen talk Sam Fender.

[00:01:57]We've got Bo Burnham one and a Steve Martin one coming. They just let me roll for an hour and it's intense. If you like that sort of thing, as I said, there's genuinely over 100 pieces of content up on that Patreon right now, as well as really frequent behindthe-scenes looks and early previews of things that will be released on the public channel.

[00:02:15]So, if you want to see things a little early, it is also for you. Do not miss out on this amazing deal. At the end of the day, this is genuinely a completely independent podcast. We have no big studio backing us. We set this all up ourselves. Uh and it costs a lot to run.

[00:02:28]Uh and we genuinely need the Patreon to keep the lights on. Uh so if you could please consider subscribing if you do enjoy the podcast. We really think that you get a lot of value there. Um and look, little pro tip. Uh subscribe on a web browser, not on your iPhone. Uh they charge you more if you do it through the Play Store. You look, we're not even trying to steal your money. We genuinely just want you to help support us in any way you can. Thank you so much to everyone that has been supporting the Patreon since day one. It genuinely helps. so much. It It I I know we joke about it, but it does mean loads to us.

[00:02:56]So, thank you so much. Uh it keeps us doing this for years to come. And remember, >> we love you love you. On with the episode.

[00:03:05]>> Shut up. I'm talking.

[00:03:08]>> That's the name of the podcast that you are watching. This is episode 88 there with two O's in the middle.

[00:03:16]>> Hopefully, maybe you're watching this on Spotify. Maybe we're back in the charts.

[00:03:18]Remember when we first launched this podcast, we ke out on the charts by talk to her. Look at us now.

[00:03:24]>> Below. No, no, no. She stopped. Okay, we're doing better. She had that whole crypto scam. So really, we we won.

[00:03:29]>> I just want to kind >> What should we do?

[00:03:31]>> Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, >> hey. You said episode 88. I said put two O's in the middle and it spells boob.

[00:03:39]And you just skipped over like it was like it wasn't a well thought. Sorry, I didn't even think about >> off the dome and you just skipped over and you made you made me feel like I was >> When I was in year four, our teacher taught us how to spell Bob on the calculator. Little did he know >> I wasn't a stupid kid. You just taught me how to spell boob, Mr. Howard.

[00:03:58]>> I know. I just have to add one more zero.

[00:04:02]>> And I've got boob.

[00:04:04]>> Remember remember this is a call to action, a call to arms, a call to subscribe so you never miss an episode.

[00:04:13]It said it to do >> use a bit more naturally this week. Last week I saw I did not do it.

[00:04:17]>> I'll be honest. Scroll down, swipe down.

[00:04:20]>> You know what? Usually we kick off with the worst moment of the week, but we're going to kick off with something different because it is a podcast first.

[00:04:26]A podcast monumental week because I do the Jackivities every month as you know that has already been going on. If you're on the $7 Patreon, then you'll know about that. You get to watch them.

[00:04:34]But this week, we did our first joint tivity. We're calling it a Jack Tomvity.

[00:04:40]>> It's a Jack Tom title. What? What?

[00:04:42]>> We learned to beat box together.

[00:04:45]>> That's why you did that at the start.

[00:04:46]That was what the reference.

[00:04:47]>> It was a call back to something you didn't know.

[00:04:50]>> It's a call back to something you probably haven't seen, but we did like a week or two ago.

[00:04:54]>> Yeah. So, for us, it was like you need like an MCU timeline type thing to figure out.

[00:04:58]>> It is the the show I'm talking timeline is difficult.

[00:05:01]>> Yeah. But >> it was awesome. We did beatboxing with Kimmy. Beatbox.

[00:05:05]>> It's true.

[00:05:06]>> They taught us how to box. It was [ __ ] brilliant.

[00:05:08]>> They taught us how to box.

[00:05:09]>> Beatbox.

[00:05:10]>> Yeah. Yeah. Boxing with rhythm.

[00:05:12]>> True. You were Well, no, we both had our strengths.

[00:05:15]>> I was I was [ __ ] brilliant and you were shite.

[00:05:18]>> I was really good at sounds.

[00:05:20]>> Yeah, but you couldn't hold rhythm.

[00:05:21]>> No, I don't have any I have no musical talent.

[00:05:23]>> Whereas Kimmy there, he kept complimenting me cuz I was great.

[00:05:28]>> I get good compliments, especially on my >> You didn't get that many compliments.

[00:05:31]>> That was good. And the one where you blow on your finger. See if I can still do that. I I figured it out eventually.

[00:05:37]What are we doing?

[00:05:40]Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. Oh, hang on. Wait. I might get this sound.

[00:05:46]This is a podcast that has segments.

[00:05:48]This is a podcast that has rhythm and order because we're all vaguely neurody divergent and don't like change and just routine. Then you are di diagnosed.

[00:05:57]>> Yeah. But with ADHD, >> I don't care about the the order.

[00:06:00]>> You do. You need order in your life.

[00:06:02]>> No. You thrive without it. That's >> No, you don't. You're late a lot.

[00:06:05]>> Yeah. You don't thrive.

[00:06:07]>> I was late today, but you don't know cuz you were later.

[00:06:10]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:06:12]>> There you are.

[00:06:14]>> Worst moment of the week.

[00:06:15]>> Worst moment of the week, I guess. Um, I'm going to go first, Jack. All right.

[00:06:21]This is quite the tale. Okay.

[00:06:24]I I need to take you back to Friday night in Brighton. It's a Friday night in Brighton.

[00:06:31]>> I have just been to our friends leaving party. I have a crammed out night. I've been to a friend's leaving party.

[00:06:37]>> I missed you though cuz I was late and you uh showed up for the first half an hour and left.

[00:06:41]>> I need Well, I need to give you a sense of my frazzled headsp space. I had three important things that night. A leaving party, a standup gig, and then a traitor's night.

[00:06:50]>> I saw this in your calendar.

[00:06:51]>> Like the like everyone sees my calendar.

[00:06:53]It's freaking me out at the minute.

[00:06:54]Anyway, >> stop giving everyone access to your calendar.

[00:06:56]>> I'm going to stop actually cuz everyone keeps going. We need it.

[00:06:59]>> All right. Okay. Um I don't like everyone knows what I'm doing anyway. Um >> what you can do this is what >> No, no, no. Let's stay focused.

[00:07:06]>> Go on, tell me. What can I do?

[00:07:07]>> What you can do is you can mark it so people can't see exactly what you're doing, but can just see the times at which you're busy.

[00:07:12]>> That's suspicious.

[00:07:14]>> That's what I have on my personal calendar so everyone can see my work and what I'm up to working. But personally, they have no clue. They just know when I'm not free.

[00:07:21]>> But everyone will assume that you're having sex in those times.

[00:07:24]>> I can't. Sometimes it's like days, man.

[00:07:26]I'm not having days of having sex.

[00:07:28]>> Yeah, I bet you wish you were, but it don't it doesn't even work for that long.

[00:07:32]CR you and your crap on it.

[00:07:34]>> You and your crap penis.

[00:07:37]>> Kicking off the podcast. High brow. But um sorry. Um okay. And I had these three things on. I went to our friends leaving party. I stayed for 30 minutes. It was an adult event for the times I was there. It was very adult. It was nice.

[00:07:52]Then I went to the gig. What I didn't know was that this gig was entirely almost entirely it was it was quite a cramped cafe in in Brighton in the lanes. Um adults with learning disabilities. Ah entirely pretty much which was a different sort of gig for me.

[00:08:13]>> Um still went down a treat. My set did quite well actually which I was nervous about. Not like last night. I did a gig last night to complete silence. It was awful.

[00:08:19]>> Oh I heard you talking about that earlier. I figured that was that. So you did all right.

[00:08:24]>> I did. Oh, amazing. I did great crowd work. And some people weren't having they they weren't, you know, killing with everyone with me. I did. Of course I did.

[00:08:31]>> But not with um lads.

[00:08:34]>> Lads in a pub. I've I failed. Anyway, >> it's never been your demographic.

[00:08:37]>> It never has. So, this has been my night and it's over. This is unfortunately overran. So now I'm late to this traitor's night. But I show up to the traitor's night. At the traitor's night, it's a a friend of a friend's night.

[00:08:49]I've not met this friend of a friend.

[00:08:50]They've invited me out of the courtesy of their heart. There is 18 people playing a game of traitors customized to work in a context. Anyone doesn't know traitors in America is Among Us basically. They're playing traitors.

[00:09:05]I show up. There is only eight people left. They've been playing for two hours now. No, nine people were left. I get to pick what I want to be. I don't know anyone here besides um some of my family were there um and a couple of friends. I know maybe five of the 15 people, the 18.

[00:09:24]They play for two hours. Everyone's very very involved in the game. They say, "What would you like to be?" No one else knows. Say, "Obviously, I want to be a traitor." I become a traitor.

[00:09:35]Immediately, the first thing I do is get there was a ball you could recruit people with and I recruit my dad. My dad is now a traitor with me as well.

[00:09:46]The next thing I do is go and read how you kill people. There are different prompts to kill people. Every trader can kill someone once using each prompt.

[00:09:53]Writing someone's name on a whiteboard is a kill. Um, making eye contact with someone through glass is a kill. Um, um, taking a selfie with someone.

[00:10:03]>> The point of these kills is that you do them sneaky without getting caught.

[00:10:06]>> Mhm.

[00:10:08]>> There is an 80 prize pool. Everyone's put in a tenner.

[00:10:13]>> Not me, of course.

[00:10:14]>> Showed up late.

[00:10:15]>> I showed up late. Everyone's put in a tenner to make £80. There was 15 people.

[00:10:21]There should be £150.

[00:10:22]>> No, maybe there is 150 actually. Or maybe not everyone put in a tenner.

[00:10:25]Maybe like the head of each group put in. Anyway, there's 80 quid on the on prize pool.

[00:10:31]What I realize is that these kill I found an exploit in the game is I realized that these kills aren't actually that hard to do.

[00:10:39]So in the space of 15 minutes, I kill everyone.

[00:10:48]I go to each person, strangers, and I go, "You are dead now. I'm murder in a kamicazi play."

[00:10:54]And I kill everyone.

[00:10:57]>> And then I didn't you, didn't you say you only could kill one?

[00:11:01]>> No, no, no. You can only kill one using So you can only like write someone's name on the whiteboard once. You can only look through the glass once.

[00:11:08]But there's like nine methods. So I kill eight people. There's three people left.

[00:11:11]Two of us are traitors. And we win.

[00:11:14]>> This game has been going on for 3 hours and within 20 minutes of my arrival, it's over. I feel on top of the goddamn world. I think I have won this traitor game. I have seen a game and how to win it and I have won it. I am proud of myself. I take my 40 quid. It's split between me and my dad.

[00:11:30]>> Okay.

[00:11:31]>> But I know because it's me and my dad, it will net go back together. I'm very happy.

[00:11:35]>> Yeah. One day I'll die.

[00:11:36]>> Yeah. One day he'll die and I'll get you get the 40 quid back.

[00:11:38]>> Yeah. So I'm over the moon. I think, oh my god, I've came into this night. I've kicked ass at a gig. I've gone to that.

[00:11:45]I've came to this night and I've kicked ass and I've killed everyone. Yeah. I got so focused on the victory. I feel over the moon.

[00:11:54]This is when the shame hits. It's now I realize everyone goes home and I've ended a whole night's worth of fun for everyone. Like every like 20 strangers all were like, "Oh, I guess we're done then. Guess Tom shown up and killed everyone. And I was like, what I've done is not right. What I've done actually is very, very wrong.

[00:12:14]>> In fairness to you, I think I would have done the same thing. I spotted a very risky way to win. But then I go I start going, "Oh, was I meant to do that?" I go to the friend of the friend and he's like, "Yeah, but I'm just like, oh, I'm meant to kill everyone." And then I just have to go apologize to all these strangers. And one of my kills was illegitimate, too.

[00:12:36]Turns out I didn't get it. Two of them actually. And I've just like ruined this night for everyone.

[00:12:44]To me, it sounds like poor game design.

[00:12:45]I'm really blaming a friend of a friend.

[00:12:47]I think, you know, don't create such easy ways to kill people if you don't want the night over quickly.

[00:12:51]>> I just felt really bad cuz I I don't feel like you should feel that bad.

[00:12:55]>> I did feel really quite bad. No, you went in and you played by the rules. But I went in with almost no emotional attachment and killed everyone who'd been playing a game for two hours.

[00:13:04]>> The the person who created the game should have thought about that.

[00:13:08]You can see how I wouldn't feel guilty about this at all. I would have walked away been like should have made a better game. Then next week we'll do next week will be better because they'll think about it. I felt really bad. They do one on a Friday if you want to come maybe but just know. Well, they've changed it now. They've added an emergency meeting type thing. I felt really really really like I killed everyone. Like you really like it was a really tense game and everyone was really invested and everyone was like like quite it felt to me like people were upset with me. But I'm not always the best at reading people's facial expressions.

[00:13:39]I think they might have been. But I also I just think look at the end of the day you were presented a set of rules and you were presented a way to win and you took it. I did.

[00:13:47]>> How are you supposed to play? What are you supposed to do? Restrict yourself?

[00:13:49]Hold yourself back?

[00:13:51]>> There's no way to play anything ever.

[00:13:52]Ah, no.

[00:13:54]>> I was also raised by my dad who raised me that way.

[00:13:57]>> And my mom laughs at my dad heavily. If if ever my dad is introduced to people, my mom will tell them this story about when we were kids and he would take us bowling and my dad would bowl with these two kids who were genuinely like four and six, right? He'd take us bowling.

[00:14:11]We'd have the barriers up. We'd be using the [ __ ] ramps for God's sake. And he'd be chucking them down and banging strikes be like, "Get him." He like beat and he'd beat us every time. And my dad was like, "I got to learn." any other way. He He just couldn't see the point of taking us and not trying his best despite the fact that he was a 40some year old man and we were four and six.

[00:14:32]So I was just raised with this fella that I was and my dad would never let me win at anything unless I actually beat him. Like I had to genuinely be good at things to beat my dad. We used to go golf, he'd smash. Like we used to do everything. My dad would beat us at everything cuz he was a fully grown adult who'd had years of practice at everything. The only thing I ever beat him at was the first time I ever played Monopoly. I beat him and I could tell it really bothered him. He was I like I remember being like 10, beat my dad at Monopoly and be like, "I won." And he was like upset. But like obviously he's like if I'm 10, my dad is 47. So obviously at this point he's like he's trying not to appear annoyed, but I can see through the eyes of this man. He's pissed. He's not happy he's lost.

[00:15:20]Oh, that's excellent. But my mom rips him for it. If you ever ask next time you see my mom does ask him about times my dad took us to play anything, my mom will rip him to shreds because she always tells him how stupid it is. But my dad but my dad also stubbornly will defend it >> because me and my brother are both pretty all right at bowling now. And he's like, you see to him it made us good at things.

[00:15:43]>> Oh my god.

[00:15:43]>> Thankfully it was just with games and not with anything important.

[00:15:46]>> Not academic.

[00:15:47]>> Yeah. I don't have like a weird complex.

[00:15:48]Thank god. I just I just >> I'm just kind of better than at some things than I should be cuz my dad had really make us try.

[00:15:57]>> Oh, that's Anyway, so maybe I like you.

[00:16:01]>> For me, that was a bad I didn't enjoy that moment. I felt shame.

[00:16:04]>> I get that. I get that. Again, it's probably it's my >> it was how high I how high the high I was riding to immediately realize in creating my own sense of fun and victory I'd created >> I created a greater sense of loss for 17 other people. It was when I realized >> How many people were there? It just keeps going up.

[00:16:21]>> I can't remember. It was I think it was 18. Wow. And I was the, you know, and that was when I looked around and I was like, "Oh, I looked around at the destruction I've caused like Godzilla after after obliterating Tokyo."

[00:16:32]>> Does he do that?

[00:16:34]>> I guess he doesn't feel that much remorse. Godzilla being like, "Oh, should I have done that?" He is a lizard, isn't he? In the newer, well, in the newer Godzilla movies, Godzilla versus Kong in the Monsterverse, that Godzilla has a lot more empathy than say Godzilla and Godzilla minus one because in Godzilla minus one, he's just a he's just a [ __ ] lizard who's territorial.

[00:16:53]So, I guess if you are thinking about the new movie, it depends which Godzilla. I'm going to move on. All right.

[00:16:59]>> My worst moment of the week this week um is so this week the big theme is going to be I went to Wrestlemania in Vegas, right? That's the big theme.

[00:17:09]>> Did a lot of traveling. There's a lot of Jack Jack travels and Tom lessons.

[00:17:12]>> I had this Netflix deal and they take me places, right? And I went I went to Wrestlemania with Netflix. Great time, but as always something There's always I always [ __ ] up, but this one was my fault. Basically, one of the nights and this is really cool. They basically were like, "We've just checked if 50 Cent is performing." So, Vegas hotels are like they're resorts. They're not hotels, right? Like there's a nightclub in the hotel and 50 50 cents performing there tonight. So we've gotten you guys tickets. You guys can go see 50 Cent just said this to you.

[00:17:41]>> Yeah, they just got us tickets because you know as a treat and we were like, "Oh, thank you so much, Netflix." So um you know, but then they were like, "Oh, by the way, there's a dress code on the club, though. Business casual.

[00:17:52]I'm going to [ __ ] Wrestlemania. I've not exactly packed to go business casual at any point." If you've ever seen anyone dress for Wrestlemania, a graphic t-shirt will do. If you keep it on, you've done well. Like, you know what I mean? Like if you're not shirtless by the end of the event, you've actually been pretty fresh. I never did, but people do, >> you know. You know, the fact that I went in a shirt and not just body painted chest is pretty strong. So I'm like, so I've not packed business casual clothes.

[00:18:18]Um, but I I I try and whip an outfit together, but I've literally only got trainers.

[00:18:23]I don't. And I'm like and on the website they're like you can't wear like you know like you can't I swear down if you bought another 600 quid parachutes I'm don't worry that it was like it they were like and that would have been my only option cuz all the stores in Vegas are just like ridiculous. They're all just designer stores. So I'm like please tell me that they don't have a rule against trainers and they're like ah well they say no sportsware shoes right and I was like oh [ __ ] So, I went to type into the group chat. I'm finished.

[00:18:51]Right. I've hit send. This is a group chat of people I don't know very well.

[00:18:55]Couple of members of Netflix staff. What I've actually sent into the group chat is I've went, what do they say about trainers? Oh, it says it can't you can't wear trainers. I've put I'm finishing.

[00:19:06]Excuse me.

[00:19:08]I've just messaged a group chat. I'm finishing. And let it sit for a minute.

[00:19:13]And And by the way, it's at a point where everyone's planning. Everyone is actively looking like you know when like everyone is actively in the group chat everyone who I don't know very well just see me go I'm finishing and just let that sit and I went in and edited it to I'm finished but everyone saw me like they and it it paused it for a minute everyone stop everyone let everyone let that breathe you know I'm finishing great so yeah that was my one just just a classic just That is bad.

[00:19:45]>> Just social fauxar. You can't tell.

[00:19:47]>> How did you amend it?

[00:19:49]>> I just corrected it to I'm finished and hoped that everyone >> What did you say to anyone? Apologize to anyone.

[00:19:53]>> No one acknowledged it, >> which I hope means I didn't really care, but maybe it's a bit difficult to go. I notic you said you were finishing earlier.

[00:20:01]>> I don't know how I don't know what >> maybe you edit it to I'm finished after you were done.

[00:20:07]>> I'm finishing. I'm finished.

[00:20:11]>> Yeah. No, it it was uh yeah, it was rough. It was rough, but you know, great week otherwise. And it's so good that I've actually introduced a new segment to the podcast. Worst moment of the week. Step aside. This is my new segment. Best moment of my life.

[00:20:30]>> Oh, wow.

[00:20:31]>> Yeah. Amps things up a lot, doesn't it?

[00:20:33]>> Yeah. Best moment of my life. It's a one time segment. Um it can't happen again really unless I have a new best moment of my life. But best moment of my life, Wrestlemania 42, Las Vegas. I went there, right? I was a wrestling fan as a kid. Like I used to watch WWE with my brother a lot. We used to have all the Xbox games.

[00:20:55]>> No, we didn't really have any. Did we actually have one? I think we might have had one. Yeah, maybe one WWE toy. um you know, but yeah, we we had all the games on the Xbox and we would we we we never really got to watch it cuz it was pay-per-view and like we didn't have that sort of money, but we went to it live once in Nottingham. Um Oh, really?

[00:21:14]>> Yeah. Yeah. They went to the Motorpoint Arena and we went and watched it live.

[00:21:17]Really far away, I'll be honest. Hard to see.

[00:21:20]>> Couple of dots throwing each other >> couple of dots chucking each other about, but I was excited, right? And I've always always always I went there head to toe in John Cena merch. I wanted to see John Cena. The problem was we went to Raw. John Cena was mostly on Smackdown. John Cena was not there. So I was I went in all the I bought all the merch there, changed into it in the toilet, did not see John Cena.

[00:21:42]Disappointed. I have since gone to Wrestlemania. No, not Wrestlemania. Just sorry, wrestling. I've been to WWE Monday Night Raw, I think every time. Uh three times, right? I've been to Wrestle uh sorry Raw three times in my life since then. So I've been to uh oh no, sorry, twice since then, right? both times hoping to see John. John has not shown up. Didn't even get to see Logan Paul, you know what I mean? I was I was hoping for anyone I recognized. Um and I've seen a couple, you know, couple from back in the day. CM Punk, Randy Orton, you know, but always been my man.

[00:22:14]>> Yeah, but see Yeah. Come on.

[00:22:15]>> Right. Turns out after I get there, I find out even though John Cena is retired, had his retirement match last Wrestlemania, >> he is hosting.

[00:22:26]>> He's the host of this Wrestlemania. So, right at the start, his intro comes out.

[00:22:30]He walks down in the suit and he's the host. Right. First day we get there a bit late. We have some complications. I miss John Cena.

[00:22:35]>> Devastated.

[00:22:36]>> Right. But then he comes out later does a little bit of announcing. I realized something.

[00:22:40]>> When he finishes in the ring, he doesn't walk back out along the big. So they have a massive arena. So like it's like it's a stadium. Sorry. So it's like a 80,000 person capacity. I think it was like 60,000 or something. Right. And there's like a the ring right in the middle and there's a walkway right over to the screens where they all walk out, right? This massive long walkway and he comes out down that to his song, you know, >> you know, and he comes out even does the announcements, right? And then when he comes off, he doesn't go back.

[00:23:14]He comes out of the ring and he walks right past my seat. That's where he goes. That's where everyone leaves if they're the loser. The winner goes back the victorious way. loser just gets out of the way. But Cena goes back that way, right? After announcing the fights, first day I see him do that, I'm like, "Holy [ __ ] he's right there." I get so excited. So day two, I am absolutely amped. I'm like really excited, right?

[00:23:34]Cuz I have one mission in mind. I go there, he comes out, he does the announcements, he walks back. I miss him. [ __ ] But then Brock Lesnar comes out. I see Brock Lesnar retire. I used to love Brock Lesnar as a kid. I'm like, that's so sick. I've just watched his final match ever. Right. Then [ __ ] Rey Mysterio comes out. He's hitting 619's at 51.

[00:23:51]What's the hell's a 619?

[00:23:53]>> His sing room with the 619.

[00:23:54]>> I know nothing about wrestling.

[00:23:56]>> That's a big lie.

[00:23:56]>> His It is. But it's a weird thing about it. It's an arena of about 60,000 people, most of which are adults, and we're all just playing along. Like, everyone, I think, is aware.

[00:24:07]>> It's the dream SMP for Republicans.

[00:24:09]>> It actually is. Like, it genuinely is.

[00:24:11]It's like you go there and it's like redneck panto. Like, like everyone IS JUST LIKE KICK AS HELL. WE ALL KNOW THEY'RE LIKE, it's all we all they've already decided who's going to win before they even come out. AND WE'RE ALL THERE LIKE like you know like and and even I you just get so into it. You're so invested.

[00:24:26]>> It's cool.

[00:24:26]>> It is just it is like theater. It's like it's like you know it's this sort of like working man's theater. I just [ __ ] love it. Right.

[00:24:33]>> But Rey Mysterio comes out. I ain't seen him in years. I thought he'd retired.

[00:24:37]Loved him when I was a kid. He comes out right. He [ __ ] runs into the ring.

[00:24:41]He's 51. Right. He hits his signature move the 619 a couple of times.

[00:24:44]>> Signature move.

[00:24:45]>> He used he used to like some he would like someone wears the mask, doesn't he?

[00:24:49]He was the luchador. Does anyone know what he looks like?

[00:24:51]>> Yeah, he did DD mask one day. It was very controversial. Luchador should never take their mask off in the ring.

[00:24:56]It was a whole unless they um Oh, it's a whole thing. It was a He should never have wrestled again in luchador culture.

[00:25:02]>> Who's Luchador?

[00:25:03]>> You know, like the the Mexican masked wrestlers.

[00:25:05]>> I didn't know that.

[00:25:06]>> Anyway, it's a bit it's a big thing. Big deal. Anyway, he [ __ ] he basically 619 was like he would get someone in a position where their head was between two of the ropes. He would then run at the ropes, jump at them, grab them like this, and like swing sideways and kick them in the face. Like, if you can imagine that motion. He's 51 doing this [ __ ] 51 years old, flipping around in a [ __ ] wrestling ring, right? Mental. I like watched that. I'm like blown away.

[00:25:33]And then finally John comes back out about halfway through. He comes back out and he like announces the main event.

[00:25:38]Not halfway through. It's like maybe last third, whatever, last quarter.

[00:25:42]Comes out, he announces the main event.

[00:25:44]And I'm like, "This is my time." I see him finish announcing, I get up and I just stand there at the the walkway and I see him running down. I'm just like, I dapped up John Cena.

[00:25:55]John Cena walked down his hand out. I went [ __ ] nice little shake on his way. I It was I was I genuinely cannot explain to you how happy I was.

[00:26:07]>> It's all right. You know, >> like I I don't think I've ever I don't really get very starruck ever. Like I I think that's the most excited I've ever been to just get a handshake. Like I was like over the because I could just picture me in that [ __ ] John Cena merch at like 10 and I'm like I [ __ ] did it. Come on.

[00:26:23]>> All those years I was absolutely over the moon. That is pretty brilliant, isn't it? It was so sick. So sick. I couldn't believe it. It was just like oh and the events like good. It is fun.

[00:26:36]>> Yeah. Joe Jonas sang the national anthem.

[00:26:39]>> Didn't expect to see Joe Jonas there.

[00:26:40]That's he just went out to the crowd and watched.

[00:26:43]>> That was it. He just sang the national anthem then got in his seat and just sat and watched.

[00:26:46]>> That's funny. Best moment of my life probably is like giving to the homeless or something.

[00:26:51]>> Oh no.

[00:26:52]>> Or like probably like working with charities or >> maybe it's just metal, isn't it? You're just doing this to wind me up. Cuz really for you >> No, I'm just saying that's probably the best moment is like helping people.

[00:27:03]>> No, like No, no, it isn't.

[00:27:04]>> It probably is for me.

[00:27:05]>> No, no, no. I I disagree cuz this is the thing. John Cena's helped way more people than you ever have and I've been graced by that glory.

[00:27:13]>> John Cena is the number one most um like he's done the most make a wishes in the world >> and he's just made another >> he's never turned down a wish and yeah he made another one come true that day.

[00:27:24]>> It's what they say, isn't it? Life is about shaking hands with people that help people.

[00:27:28]>> Yep.

[00:27:29]>> And feeling that aura is incredible. Um, and yeah, I saw that. Saw [ __ ] Randy Autumn versus Cody Rhodess. Like just just just classic classic matchups.

[00:27:42]>> I don't know anything about wrestling, so for me, this is just like >> this is what I sound like when I talk about Bruce. I >> I don't know any of the modern guys too well. So for me, it's like pure nostalgia bait. Bring out someone that was wrestling when I was about 10 and I'll lose my [ __ ] >> I'll get really excited. Um, bring out anyone else, I'll try and get behind it.

[00:27:58]But I'm I must admit I I'm not as tapped in these days, but I kind of want to tap back in.

[00:28:03]>> It's on Netflix.

[00:28:04]>> I watched [ __ ] Eyes Show Speed put Logan Paul through a table.

[00:28:08]>> That that that was it.

[00:28:11]>> And then on Monday Night Raw, Logan Paul went on kicking off about how YouTubers are coming in and taking wrestling as a joke.

[00:28:18]>> Logan Paul said that, >> you know.

[00:28:21]>> Yeah, it's all a bit bonkers, isn't it?

[00:28:23]>> It was It was Yeah, it was bizarre. And I loved every I genuinely loved every second of it. And like another thing is we got really we had really good seats.

[00:28:31]We're like almost ringside, right?

[00:28:33]Again, shout on Netflix put us like nearly ringside. They put us in these seats. They're like folding out seats, right? Like they're not >> that they must be like very expensive tickets.

[00:28:42]>> Yeah, probably. I mean I I >> Wrestlemania ring. Yeah.

[00:28:45]>> Yeah. It must be ridiculous, right? And they put us in like these seats and these seats were so good that like you got to take your chair home. They were like custom designed chairs with like the main event like on the seat and they were like >> just take your chair chair.

[00:29:00]>> Yeah.

[00:29:01]>> Is it yours now?

[00:29:02]>> IT'S BEING SHIPPED.

[00:29:04]>> I got it FedEx shipped. Two two Wrestlemania chairs.

[00:29:07]>> How much was that?

[00:29:08]>> Oh, I didn't pay for it. Netflix paid.

[00:29:10]>> [ __ ] hell.

[00:29:11]>> Netflix we'll pay for you all to have your chairs if you want them. I went Yeah.

[00:29:14]>> What are you going to do with your chair? Well, in the background on my stream, I have a folding chair for if I ever have a guest, I can pull them out a chair. could swap it out with the Wrestlemania ones.

[00:29:23]>> Cool, man. They're comfy, too. They're for folding chairs. They're comfy.

[00:29:26]They're a little bit cushioned.

[00:29:28]>> That's nice.

[00:29:28]>> No expenses spared on those ringside tickets. You know what I mean? So, yeah.

[00:29:32]I got my Wrestlemania large, aren't they?

[00:29:34]>> They're on the way. Don't know when they'll arrive. I told them to do the cheapest shipping. I wasn't trying to rinse Netflix. They went, "How quick do you want it?" I went, >> "I'm in no rush for my chairs."

[00:29:42]>> There's no rush. Send them as slowly as you wish. Um uh you know, I'm like, "I don't want to take the piss here." You know, I've had a lovely great weekend. I was about to say a free weekend, but it wasn't free. Was not free. Why is it not free? Well, it was uh was in Las Vegas, was it? Oh, okay. Well, we'll get to that. We'll get there. We'll get there.

[00:30:02]Let you I'll let you take the reigns for a bit. Well, you had questions about me and my spiritual journey. What? Well, you haven't even spoken about it yet. I do have questions, but I wanted you to uh maybe clue the viewers in first before you said I'm seeing someone.

[00:30:18]A monk, not a Christian monk, Buddhist monk.

[00:30:22]>> Buddhist monk.

[00:30:25]What more is there to tell? Quite a lot.

[00:30:28]Why? What are you doing with this monk?

[00:30:31]There's a lot more to tell.

[00:30:32]>> The monk.

[00:30:33]>> Yeah, but what are you doing? What do you What do you Why are you singing a monk? Right. It all started when I watched Avatar the Last Air Bender.

[00:30:41][ __ ] hell. And I realized after seeing Ang that monks are cool. And when I saw Ang do his meditation, I thought, "Yeah, maybe inner peace would be good."

[00:30:51]So I Googled inner peace near me. I found the monk center.

[00:30:54]>> Google inner peace near me.

[00:30:56]>> I found the monk center. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[00:30:58]Get this. Some guys are are googling like, you know, bloody hot single Russian ladies in your area. Not me. I Google inner peace near me. That's the kind of level I'm at maturity-wise at 22. I Google bloody inner peace near me.

[00:31:14]Bloody I find the monks, right? Monks plural, of course. Oh, okay. There's there's a commune of them. I find a monk center. I find the one I like most. I go, "All right, I'm going to go check out these monks. Midday meditation." I say, "All right, I've been told meditation is good for mental health." I go, "All right, then. I'm going to go do it." I show up at the monk center. I go, "Hey, can I come in?" They go, "Yeah, three quid." I go, "Three quid? That's blood less than a coffee." They go, "I know. We're monks. We don't give a fuck." They don't say that explicitly, but I go in, take off my shoes. They say, "Hey, we're starting in a minute.

[00:31:49]Need to go get sat down." I see all the chairs, but then I see at the front the pillows. I think I'm going to go sit on the goddamn pillow. I sit I plunk myself down.

[00:31:56]>> I can't cross my legs. It would have hurt, right?

[00:32:00]Um, >> that's just a fun fact about me.

[00:32:02]>> I suppose you'd have to sit on the chair then, but you don't reach as much as a state of enlightenment. That's not How the true Buddhist sits. The true Buddhist sit like this. This mate with one leg up over that.

[00:32:12]>> I can't do that. I got bad hips.

[00:32:13]>> Well, that's why you you have no peace either. I go I sit down. All right. Not a monk, but Gary comes out. Gary is not a monk.

[00:32:21]>> Oh, >> he's not monk tier, but he's he's getting up there, right? Gary comes. He sits down. Make sure your rises. By the way, you sit down in his carpet room.

[00:32:28][ __ ] everyone's silent. Everyone's going to be dead quiet. There's massive statues of Buddha behind him. Massive Buddhas everywhere. some with swords. Do you know what the swords are for? They later explained, "It's not for fighting monsters, fighting the demons in your head. This don't really make sense to me why he needs a physical sword, but it's Buddha. I'll let it slide." They sent me, they they tell me to do some thinking about my breathing. I think I'm at my breathing. 30 minutes have bloody gone by. I think, "Wow, I didn't think about nothing but my breathing." Boom.

[00:32:55]Happiness. I found it. They say, "All right, come back on a different night if you want the full experience." This was just a classic midday monking. I go, "Obviously, I want the full experience."

[00:33:04]I go out to Gary. I go, "Gary." He goes, "Sup." I go, "What's your deal, Gary?" I go up to him and I go like, "Oh, so you among the you know," he goes, "I live here." I go, "Really? You live in this building?" He goes, "Yeah." And I ask him kind of casually, "Oh, how would someone like live here?"

[00:33:20]>> I'm just like curious like how >> Gary has taken it that I want to eradicate my possessions and join him on a path of spiritual enlightenment. So, he takes it very like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not even a top tier monk." And his calm state turns a little worried. He goes, "I'm not even a top tier monk. Like to even to get to this like you can't come and live here."

[00:33:40]I'm like, "I don't no, I don't want to live here. I was just wondering how you do." That was a little awkward interaction because he thought that I wanted to live there with him.

[00:33:48]>> I I followed.

[00:33:49]>> I didn't.

[00:33:50]>> Yep.

[00:33:50]>> I like my possessions.

[00:33:52]>> Yeah. No, no.

[00:33:52]>> I really like possessions, actually.

[00:33:55]>> Yeah.

[00:33:55]>> And I like greed. Anyway, I go back. I go for this full monk class. Now, this time the actual monk comes out. All right. Shaved dead and all. He comes out, he sits there and he's learned from this the top monk who brought bluing Buddhism to Western culture apparently.

[00:34:10]That's what he told me. He's no reason to lie. He's found peace.

[00:34:13]>> And he sits and talks for an hour about finding peace. I go, "This is blooming fascinating."

[00:34:19]>> And then um I ask him afterwards, I go, "That was wicked." He goes, "Oh, cheers.

[00:34:26]You you really you're not sticking the land in these days." is I think that's the the stories go really well and then you just sort of like it sounds like you're going to carry on and then you go and that'll be all.

[00:34:35]>> Oh >> well I you know what more do you want to know? Ask me questions.

[00:34:38]>> Well help a brother out you know co-host isn't it?

[00:34:42]>> How do you feel after having done a bit of meditation?

[00:34:45]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:34:45]>> You going to carry on?

[00:34:46]>> Oh god. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:34:47]>> Um so genuinely you just watched Avatar and that was what >> Yes. I watched Avatar and one of the episodes an clears all of his chakras by doing it with the guru. I thought this is interesting. So I Googled and there's online anger clearing chakra meditation guru 30 minutes. I listened to that and I enjoyed it so much. I thought I want the real slice of the real thing, you know.

[00:35:08]>> Wow.

[00:35:08]>> So I go, "All right. I'm no Buddhist, Jack. I like possessions and I like greed."

[00:35:12]>> You know, that was always my backup plan in life.

[00:35:15]>> Be a monk.

[00:35:16]>> Become a Buddhist monk.

[00:35:17]>> You could never be a Buddhist monk.

[00:35:18]You're the least peaceful person in the world.

[00:35:20]>> Exactly. That's probably why I benefit from it.

[00:35:21]>> Why don't you come along with me?

[00:35:23]>> Maybe. I'll think about that.

[00:35:24]>> Three quid. It's not a lot. It's not >> 10 for the full hour though. Weirdly, the prices don't scale that.

[00:35:28]>> Okay. Um, >> three quid for 30, but tenner for an hour.

[00:35:32]>> It's It usually goes the other way. But um, no, I I don't know. I I It was [ __ ] awesome. And this monk was teaching me also. I can't tell you what he's teaching me now cuz he he taught me so much goodness. I'm not bloody just going around telling you. Just like the monks, I put it behind a payw wall.

[00:35:50]>> Funny as well. These blooming monks that are all banging on about bloody world peace and bloody not having possessions, they're charging me free bloody quid.

[00:35:58]>> Yeah, but they need to keep a roof over their heads.

[00:36:00]>> Oh, they've got plenty. They've got a bloody roof over their head. I don't think anyway. Look, I I like the monks a lot. I'm not going to start taking on Tommy Univers.

[00:36:09]>> I never thought about being a monk because I was I in my head >> Avatar as well >> with his flying stick as well. You want one of them?

[00:36:16]>> No, I just I don't know. In my head, they just always it always seemed very peaceful and I thought I would like a peaceful life.

[00:36:22]>> I actually think you'd get a lot out of it.

[00:36:23]>> So, I thought, you know what? I'll have a crack at doing something a bit more aspirational. And then if that doesn't work out, monk time. And it was always just in my head. I think I'm always worried. I'm like, what if my dreams fail and I don't know how to live? And in my head, it was always the backup.

[00:36:37]The calming backup was I'll just become a Buddhist monk. I think in doing that, I thought, oh, Jack, get a lot out of this. It's calming me down.

[00:36:44]>> I thought you need calming down.

[00:36:45]>> Maybe. Maybe I'll still do the Buddhist monk thing, but I don't think you're allowed to have like lots.

[00:36:50]>> Yeah. Not like me and you. We have loads.

[00:36:52]>> No, but I'm like there's like loads. I don't even think you're allowed to have like a misses or anything.

[00:36:57]>> I don't know. I guess it depends. Do you want to be This is what I learned from Avatar, right? Cuz when Ang wants to give up his love for Qatara, right? He he doesn't enter his full control of the Avatar state because he still wants to have love. And what I now know from watching The Legend of Kora episode 1 is that this actually works and that you can not be a fully enlightened monk, but still be very monkey. And I think I think we just want to be a bit monkey.

[00:37:20]>> I I would I'd like to be a bit monkey.

[00:37:22]>> I'd like to get a bit more monkey than I am.

[00:37:27]Speaking of the opposite of that, I went to Las Vegas uh as I was >> It's been a very polarized week. Um, when I when I was in Las Vegas, as I said, free trip. Netflix paid for us to go there. They they they >> This is not what I was taught by the monk.

[00:37:45]>> They treat us nice. They treat us nice, kid. They fly as their business class.

[00:37:49]They they they you know, they really they look after us, right?

[00:37:51]>> The monk gave me a free uh tea afterwards, which I thought was fair enough given that >> it's a kin in a way. Um, but they took us to Vegas. But the problem is Las Vegas, it was never going to be a free trip, was it? Because the thing is everywhere has slot machines and I just don't have that sort of will. I don't have that sort of willpower. But the thing is, Tom, didn't matter, right? I kept a log. I took out Maybe you'll be disappointed in me, but you know what? I don't care. I took out $260, right, in cash.

[00:38:21]>> [ __ ] hell.

[00:38:22]>> And I said, I can play with this.

[00:38:23]>> That's a whole that is a switch light.

[00:38:26]>> Who wants a [ __ ] switch light on their thing? All right. All right. But anyway, I I went, you know what? I'll have a go.

[00:38:33]Maybe I'll walk out with a [ __ ] Nintendo Switch too if I'm, you know, not that I mean I will cuz I had one. I packed it with me. But you know, um, you know, maybe I can walk out with another if I'm if I'm lucky. Um, so you know, I I I first day I go in, I have my my $260 Tom straight away. I go on this machine.

[00:38:50]It's my favorite Vegas machine. If you've been to Vegas, you'll know it.

[00:38:53]Buffalo.

[00:38:55]>> I love dating you, but you just gave me the icky.

[00:39:00]>> Buffalo is sick. It's this machine with the it spins and if you get three buffalo in a row row, it goes buffalo and you get it's only $2 if you get three buffalo. But sometimes if you play Buffalo Ultimate Stampede, there's a bonus bar. If you hit the bonus bar, the bonus activates and you can really win some big ones. Right. I get on. I chuck $20 in. Tom, I walk out. I walk out with a cash out check worth $80.

[00:39:30]Wow. I make $60 on Buffalo from that epic Buffalo bow at >> Buffalo. You know what I mean? Straight away screams Buffalo. I've made $60.

[00:39:39]This is great. I go to another casino. I got on the same machine. Tom.

[00:39:43]>> Yeah. I walk out with $120.

[00:39:47]I've made $180 so far. I then go to another casino. I lose a hundred of it.

[00:39:54]But by the end of the day, I'm up $84.

[00:39:57]I'm feeling like a king. Especially the other people on the ve the Netflix trip.

[00:40:01]Everyone's down.

[00:40:03]>> I'm the only one.

[00:40:04]>> I think gambling is so wrong.

[00:40:07]>> Uh I had fun. I made money.

[00:40:10]>> Name to me another time you've had fun and made money. Every other activational activity where you make money and don't have to spend it. This is hardly work for me and you.

[00:40:27]this right now. What we're doing is >> maybe you're not working. I'm trying my best. I'm [ __ ] off. Uh but anyway, I um I go in, I make $80. Next day I next day I I don't I don't get no time. I'm at Wrestlemania. I don't get time to hit the floor at all. Don't touch.

[00:40:42]>> Too busy dapping up, John.

[00:40:44]>> Don't No, that was the day after. I had to gamble to celebrate after that. I go up again. How many hours did you spend in the casino on this trip?

[00:40:51]>> Loads, Tom. Well, the whole the hotel is a casino. Whenever I go back in, I see the machines. I go, "Oh god, I'll have a quick go." Um, >> I'm about >> When are you gonna go for your ADHD appointment?

[00:41:01]>> At the end of the day, Tom, I'm about I've made about $200. Right. This is the thing. I had accidentally I had accidentally spent some money on a show I didn't need to spend money on. I accidentally bought resale tickets that were a lot more expensive than the regular tickets without realizing. I had money to make back.

[00:41:17]>> I I went to a show in Vegas and there were still tickets available. I'll tell you about it later.

[00:41:22]>> Show in Vegas. There's still tickets available. I didn't realize. So, I accidentally bought them on a resale website cuz [ __ ] Google Ads put that first. So, I spent about double the price getting these tickets. So, in my head, I'm like, I've got to make back the ticket money I lost. I've done it.

[00:41:35]I've made the 200. I should have stopped there, Tom. I didn't.

[00:41:39]>> I know you didn't.

[00:41:40]>> I booked to have an extra day in Las Vegas so I could go to the Grand Canyon.

[00:41:44]All right. Everyone else left the on the day I was at the Grand Canyon, everyone else left in the evening. Not me. I had the whole next day to myself. The only flight was at 10 p.m. Had a full day. No friends, but a lot of casinos on that trip. Tom, I went in I went into that day I'm going to say something to you. You're not going to be proud of me. I went into that day $200 up.

[00:42:06]>> I left the trip $500 down.

[00:42:09]>> I don't know.

[00:42:10]>> Sorry. $500 down.

[00:42:12]>> $500?

[00:42:12]>> I thought you only I thought you only took out $200.

[00:42:16]>> Took out a bit more. Thought I can make it back. That's the mistake. Never think you can win it back. You let you lost half a,000.

[00:42:22]>> I don't make it half a thousand. It's a 500. If you say half a,000, I feel worse.

[00:42:26]>> You lost half a thousand. Tell a quarter of two grand.

[00:42:30]>> I sat in I sat in business class head in hands. What have I done?

[00:42:35]>> What have I done? I was the saddest man in business class.

[00:42:38]>> You lost [ __ ] >> I could hardly sleep in my bed that I had on a plane. I could hardly sleep cuz I was so devastated that I let myself do that. It was the [ __ ] Frankenstein slot.

[00:42:50]and the roulette. I'm convinced I can tell you whether it's black or red every time. I can't. I just can't. Sometimes I can't do it. You know what it is? I usually go in and initially I hit it every time. And I was going in and Tom I was going crazy. At one point I got so confident I put 100 down on one car. I made $100 instantly. That's a high you can never experience. I went Imagine this Tom. All I had to do was say that's going to be red and be correct and get $100. The high of that feeling is something you can't you can't experience. The problem the high goes away when you start doing it again. Uh and you're wrong when you say it's red and it's actually black and then they take 100 from you and you go, "Oh no. Oh no. I was joking. Can I have it back?"

[00:43:31]Uh anyway, so I end up 500 down. 500 in the hole.

[00:43:35]>> You took out another 200.

[00:43:37]>> But I This is This was my justification, Tom.

[00:43:39]>> Man, what are you doing?

[00:43:40]>> This is my justification. I went I flew business class both ways. I stayed in a lovely hotel. I went to Wrestlemania two nights in a I went to the Grand Canyon.

[00:43:46]I went to a show pretty much entirely for free. The whole thing cost $500.

[00:43:52]That's not bad.

[00:43:53]>> And you know what? I had a lovely, lovely day.

[00:43:55]>> What about the meals? Didn't pay for them. Never.

[00:43:57]>> Oh my god.

[00:43:58]>> I have to pay a thing. And I thought to myself, Tom, if I'm not paying, let me let me have fun. You know, let me have a little fun. But they say when the fun stops stops. And I on that last day when I I ended that last day up, the fun should have stopped there. But I was having so much fun and I thought how I just had nothing to do. I was like, how long can I drag this out? But then I lost it too quick and I want to keep playing. I was enjoying myself.

[00:44:24]I weren't enjoying myself by the end.

[00:44:26]>> That's not right, is it?

[00:44:27]>> It's not my most grounded story, man.

[00:44:28]I'm going to tell you.

[00:44:28]>> It's one of your lesser. But the hard thing is I can't confidently say it's your least grounded story.

[00:44:34]>> No, no, no. Well, you know, because at the end of the day, in my head, I've been to Las Vegas for 5 days, seen Wrestlemania for $500. That's not that bad when you put it like that. But that does a little bit of mental gymnastics going on.

[00:44:46]>> FD reframing a little bit of mental gymnastics going on to make that happen.

[00:44:49]At the end of the day, as Alex Okconor said, is this table even real?

[00:44:54]You >> know what I mean? If you took away what he was meaning to came in here and said, "Nothing's real. You're not real. I'm not real."

[00:45:01]>> No. Uh, no. But I I wanted to tell that story in part uh because I was ashamed and in part because I wanted to warn people.

[00:45:08]You got to you got to not let yourself do what I did.

[00:45:12]You got to not allow it. And I know Buffalo seems fun, but this is one thing I learned while I was there. I started reading the game rules on the slots. I don't remember read the rules. Start reading the rules. On Buffalo Ultimate Stampede where it has the bonus bar.

[00:45:23]What I decided is I'd go up to the machines and I'd look around. I'd have a little scan around them. And if any of them had a nearly full bonus bar, but no one was playing it. In my head, that was someone who tried to fill the bonus bar, ran out of money, and went, "Never mind." But to me, what they've done is given me a license to print money.

[00:45:36]Because if I just put it like 20 $40 in, I know that it would hit that bonus and the bonus is going to pay out more and it always does, right? Almost guaranteed. This I thought these machines were a license to print. So I'm going around thinking I've just conned I'm the big con man. I've conned the casino. I just have to look for Buffalo Ultimate Stampede with a high bonus bar.

[00:45:55]Turns out I read the game rules, Tom.

[00:45:57]Turns out the bonus bar entirely for show. Does nothing. It's just to get you gambling. They actually explicitly state the bar means nothing. It will just randomly activate whenever it feels like it. The bar's just there for show.

[00:46:10]Wasn't a great feeling after I learned that. That was probably where all that money went.

[00:46:14]>> Should not worry about the people who are, you know, listening to this podcast on the way to work and they're hearing you say this and they're thinking, "What a jerk."

[00:46:21]>> Probably >> you don't worry about that.

[00:46:23]>> No. I'm Well, I I I my thoughts are with the people that were thinking of going and doing something like this and hopefully have heard this story now went, "Fucking hell, that sounds shit."

[00:46:34]I guess that's true.

[00:46:35]>> I want to be a punch line here, Tom.

[00:46:36]>> You've not spread misinformation.

[00:46:38]>> No, no, I've been completely honest. You have you spread information.

[00:46:42]>> There was a time where I was up and I could have came back off this trip and went, "Tom, I made money." But I didn't.

[00:46:46]>> You didn't.

[00:46:47]>> And the thing is, they say the house always wins. And they do. So, congratulations, Dr. Gregory House. You win again.

[00:46:52]>> Hey, this was a bad thing I did.

[00:46:56]>> A lot of social faux pars this week, man.

[00:46:59]>> Hey, I said I'm finishing, man. I went to my friend's uh partner's birthday and it was really good. I was at this party. It was very high. It was a high. I haven't been to a party in God knows how long. I thought blinking. Let's, you know, it's blooming summer, sun's out. Why not? Let's, you know, have a have a couple pints.

[00:47:16]Anyway, having a great time >> again about 25 people. I don't know. I show up. I'm ready to leave. As you know, I always leave the, you know, whatever group I'm in about 2 hours earlier than everyone else. I enjoy going home. Um, home is where I am.

[00:47:31]>> The heart is.

[00:47:32]>> Yeah. And I am the heart if you think about it. Um, anyway, I want to go home, but I start stressing cuz I can't find my hoodie. I'm going, "Where's my yellow hoodie?"

[00:47:42]>> I look I look I'm looking around this bling flat. I can't find my blinking hoodie. So, I go, "Excuse me, see my yellow hoodie?" They go, "Oh, I know."

[00:47:48]People who are drunk going, "Oh, I don't know where your hoodie is." You know, I go, "Excuse me, where's my yellow hoodie?" I go outside. I go, "Excuse me, everyone. You see my yellow hoodie?" Go.

[00:47:57]Go inside. So, I'm going up to strange groups of strangers don't know. I go, "Excuse me. Have you seen my yellow hoodie? It's one of my favorite hoodies.

[00:48:02]I like my yellow hoodie. I don't know where it is." They go, "No." So, I go, "Right, someone stole my yellow hoodie, haven't they?" Go up. I go, "Where's my yellow hoodie?" I know. I came in it. I was warm when I came here. I'm cold now.

[00:48:12]And I go home. Where's me yellow hoodie?

[00:48:14]People go, "Oh, I just don't know." I go to everyone. The dance floor at the party stops dancing, Jack, because everyone is can tell I'm I'm scratching about opening all the cupboards thinking maybe I put maybe I bloody put my hoodie in the dishwasher. I'm bloody opening every bloody cupboard in this person's flat, figuring out what what every single bit of salts and herbs that they have as well in the process. I'm checking everything. I go outside. I'm using my phone bloody flashlight to go under the tables, looking near the campfire. I will not leave without my hoodie. I'm bloody going into the living room that the doors shut. I'm bloody picking up people's shoes to look underneath there. I'm I want to find my hoodie. It's my favorite yellow hoodie.

[00:48:52]You know the hoodie? I know the hoodie.

[00:48:53]It's my favorite yellow hoodie. You're supposed to bless me, by the way. Well, I can't cuz I'm I'm, you know, there's such an absence of blessing in my life.

[00:48:59]I don't have enough to give to you. I'm a bloody yellow hoodie.

[00:49:07]Okay.

[00:49:09]I showed up in a green hoodie. That's what I realized. I didn't I didn't I never I'd never had that.

[00:49:17]>> Said everyone looking around for something that didn't exist.

[00:49:20]>> Yeah.

[00:49:21]>> How did you eventually figure that out?

[00:49:23]>> Someone said, "You didn't come in with yellow." said, "Oh, yeah."

[00:49:27]>> How long did you look for?

[00:49:28]>> 20 minutes. [ __ ] Yeah, it was good. But I got my green hoodie. I don't care for my green hoodie. It's just green. That very dark green.

[00:49:36]>> Not my nice green hoodie. Love that green hoodie.

[00:49:38]>> Yeah, you wear that one a lot.

[00:49:39]>> Yeah, I think you were wearing that one today.

[00:49:40]>> Yeah, I love that one. This is just a dark green hoodie. It was alien themed, so I thought I dark greens like an alien.

[00:49:46]>> Oh, sure. Aliens.

[00:49:47]>> But um yeah, but I was wearing my yellow hoodie all day, so I swapped it.

[00:49:50]>> Ah, I see how that >> Yeah, but um >> could be confusing.

[00:49:54]I didn't feel good about that either.

[00:49:57]>> No. Can I just say priority home?

[00:49:59]>> Can I just say quick priority? [ __ ] hell.

[00:50:01]>> I always go priority.

[00:50:02]>> Then you think I'm not grounded, Jack.

[00:50:04]How dare you compare an Uber X priority, which is only one quid more than Uber X, not Uber Black, not Uber XL, Uber X Priority, to you spending $500 gambling. Um, need I remind you that while you're on the machines, if you ask for a free for a drink, they'll just give it you for free.

[00:50:24]What?

[00:50:25]>> So you don't have to spend money on the drinks. So you save money in the process.

[00:50:31]The whole I only figured that out on the last day and I got one beer over that $500. So in a way, if you want to think about it that way, I had a really really expensive beer, you know, really expensive beer. God, most expensive pie I've ever had.

[00:50:46][ __ ] Could have been that. Very expensive beer.

[00:50:50]>> Was it good? Just a Stella.

[00:50:52]>> A casino beer, wasn't it?

[00:50:53]>> Just a Stella. Fine, Stella.

[00:50:56]>> So, oh, I have a another story. I have another story. I uh This is This one's rough.

[00:51:05]Um as opposed to the previous ones.

[00:51:07]>> Yeah. Well, this one's worse. I had a mate around my house the other day and um they went to my bathroom uh and I decided at the time to call my mom. So, I was ringing my mom and then they came in, said hi to my mom. you know, interacted and sort of waited patiently for me to get off the phone. That's weird. Got off the phone, um, don't really know how to say this.

[00:51:29]It's like, what? Like, you um, there's [ __ ] on your ass wipes.

[00:51:36]What went you I have the Andrex ass wipes. I like to be clean. Um, and they went that you you I don't know what what I' I've been having a few tummy troubles the day prior. I don't know whether you maybe had a tricky situation there, but you you have smeared [ __ ] on your Andrex [ __ ] >> And I thought to myself, >> surely not.

[00:51:57]>> I feel like I'd know if I'd [ __ ] on my own hands like a chimp.

[00:52:02]I think I'd be aware if I'd [ __ ] on my own hand so badly that I'd managed to smear it on things. I think I'd know.

[00:52:12]But they come look, I'll show you. I go look and they show me the packet and behold there's brown stuff shmeared all over the the packet. I go then it hits me. When I was at another Netflix event they had given me a rum soaked chocolate that I put in my bag and it had came out the packaging in the bag and I I cleared it out the bag but I guess there was still residual chocolate and the wipes had been in my bag cuz I traveled with them so it was actually chocolate.

[00:52:44]But you know when you say that no one really wants they don't believe you.

[00:52:48]>> There's only one way to prove.

[00:52:51]>> No I did. Oh god no. It's chocolate in it. But they were I was like >> oh god no that no genuinely a bit of chocolate spilled in my bag and that is chocolate. And they were like >> you can say you've pooed on yourself.

[00:53:06]And I hadn't. It was genuinely chocolate and it wasn't [ __ ] But um it was I was embarrassed. There was like a second where I was like that I that's [ __ ] I've sh It looked like [ __ ] >> That's terrible.

[00:53:18]>> It was horrible. But it was just chocolate and it was everywhere in my bag. I had to clean out my bag the other day. It was minging.

[00:53:23]>> It's horrible to clean out your bag, isn't it? Stick it in the wash or >> No. Wipes wipes.

[00:53:28]>> That's disgusting. That's completely disgusting.

[00:53:30]>> The chocolate got on them when I was wiping the bag.

[00:53:33]>> No bit of that story was was good. And I >> maybe the end where >> by the way I'm sorry like people have started suspecting there's something wrong with us because apparently every week we managed to speak about [ __ ] >> Well, we have bad bowels.

[00:53:45]>> We do.

[00:53:46]>> I especially at the moment with much more gigging as you know on a gig day.

[00:53:51]Uh you'll know because we were 9 minutes late to starting this episode because I was in the toilet.

[00:53:55]>> Loose bells.

[00:53:57]>> My bow I I like because apparently this is it. If you if if I was in the wild and I was a deer and I and a lion had pounced on me, right? In order to run quicker, I would evacuate all I would [ __ ] immediately so I have less weight on me. So then I'm running to run. For me, I am the deer and show business is the dire. And in order to run quicker from my inevitable fate of standup stardom, I [ __ ] myself. And I think that's the only way you can frame that.

[00:54:26]>> I just have a family history of bowel issues. I have several family members with Crohn's. I might have Crohn's. I learned this recently. I might have Crohn's. I don't think I I don't think you are very tired and you have bad bowels.

[00:54:37]>> Is that Is tiredness a crown?

[00:54:39]>> And you're annoying.

[00:54:40]>> Mr. Beast has Crohn's.

[00:54:42]>> He's tired.

[00:54:44]>> I don't know if that's >> Look at one photo of him where he's not tired.

[00:54:47]>> I don't know if that's the Crohn's, though.

[00:54:49]>> No, he does have Crohn's.

[00:54:50]>> No, I know he has Crohn's.

[00:54:51]>> He's the face of Crohn's.

[00:54:53]>> He is, but I don't know that the tiredness is the Crohn's. It might be the uh >> the overwork, >> the insane scheduling.

[00:55:01]>> Either way, the crrons can't help.

[00:55:03]>> No, no, that is true.

[00:55:05]>> You know, >> no, that is true. So, yeah. Um, so yeah, maybe I'm like Mr. Beast and that's why I talk about [ __ ] a lot on our podcast.

[00:55:13]Moving on.

[00:55:14]>> I guess we do. Sorry that we do talk about poop a lot.

[00:55:17]>> Yeah. No, I am sorry. I think we're trying to get rid of the stigma.

[00:55:20]>> We're doing our bit.

[00:55:22]>> We're doing our bit.

[00:55:23]>> How long we got left? [ __ ] it up. We got 6 minutes. I've got way too much to speak about. Jesus wept.

[00:55:29]>> Oh my god.

[00:55:30]>> So, I'm pretty mad at you, you know.

[00:55:32]>> No, no, no, no, no.

[00:55:33]>> I am. This is related to what you're about to talk about. I My bucket list of this year was to go to the Grand Canyon and you've just kind of gone.

[00:55:40]>> I was in Vegas and I found out that apparently it's just a coach ride away.

[00:55:43]>> I was pretty like shocked when I saw that. What? Please tell me everything about it.

[00:55:47]>> It was great. So, I woke up. It was an early start. Oh my god. Oh, I made such a mistake. I forgot about this. This is this was like this could have been rival worst moment really. I I so I had to wake up at 5:30 a.m. This was the night after we tried to go see 50 Cent in the club. By the way, I bought Matt. Um I got there really was appreciative that Netflix had paid for it. Really wanted to show face, but I was knackered after Wrestlemania. And then I found out after I got there at 11:00 p.m. that 50 Cent wouldn't come out till 2:45 a.m. Bloody hell. 50 Cent.

[00:56:15]>> Yeah, I didn't have that. I didn't have nearly 4 hours of waiting. That's why he's not called Dollar, is he? cuz he kind of be asked >> money pun.

[00:56:24]>> He's not 4 hours of being in a nightclub exhausted good. Like I just didn't have it in me. No. So I left. Um but I didn't leave till like maybe 1. I really tried to stick it out. Um so anyway, I get I get back to the hotel. I get like 4 hours of sleep. I wake up. I've got to get a coach journey to the Grand Canyon.

[00:56:41]Right. But I think to myself, [ __ ] it.

[00:56:43]I'll sleep on the bus. Whatever. Right.

[00:56:46]I'm the first person to get on. Uh cuz there's different pickup points they pick up from different hotels. I'm like the first person, right? It's only me.

[00:56:52]Then we go pick up a couple more and then we get to one hotel and the bus fells like full bus, right? Like cool, cool, cool, cool. Sit down. All of a sudden, the tour guide who's like running the tour gets on the mic at the front of the bus just starts like making jokes and like doing like crowd work and I'm like, why the [ __ ] I want to sleep?

[00:57:13]And then I remembered I read the description of this talk.

[00:57:16]Sounded great. It's like you're going to stop by the Hoover Dam. You're going to see the Joshua Tree Forest. You're going to go see the Grand Canyon. You get two meals included. We're going to stop you off for breakfast on the way. I'm thinking that's [ __ ] great. I didn't notice the name of the touring. Well, I did not know the name of the touring company, but I thought it was nothing more than a quirky name of the touring company. It was called Comedy on Deck Tours. Turns out the whole drive, And by the way, it's 4 hours. Um, there is a the tour guide does standup comedy at the front of the bus for 4 hours. Oh, no. He let us have an hour of quiet time. He could tell everyone had not slept enough.

[00:57:48]And I think and by the way I double checked afterwards. There is no mention of the standup comedy in any of the descriptions. The only indicator is the name comedy on deck.

[00:57:58]>> Was he doing material or just crowd work?

[00:58:00]>> Mostly crowd work but bits of material cuz he's sort of like pointing things out to you but making jokes about them as we're driving. I'll be honest, he was a lovely fella. He wasn't that funny.

[00:58:09]Maybe he was good if you were American.

[00:58:10]It was very American humor. I did not much care for it.

[00:58:15]You know, a guy he was doing in crowd work. He asked everyone where they were from.

[00:58:21]Everyone. One guy was from Kazakhstan.

[00:58:23]He didn't even go my wife. Come on.

[00:58:24]That's a easy easy joke. Guys from Kazakhstan, you go my wife. Easy. Didn't even do that. Didn't even make a joke about Kazakhstan, right? Like it was it was just it was a long drive.

[00:58:38]But I saw the Hoover Dam.

[00:58:40]>> The Hoover Dam.

[00:58:41]>> It's a big dam in America. It's cool.

[00:58:43]It's just like look, it was on the way and I thought I've heard of it.

[00:58:47]>> On the way.

[00:58:47]>> It was on the way and I thought I I've heard of it. I'll get out and take a picture. So you got out, took a picture of the Hoover Dam. Went to a diner, got breakfast, sat across from one of the other guys on the bus, Jeffrey. Jeffrey was a um a law firm proofreader from New Jersey. Uh I like Jeffrey.

[00:59:01]>> Jeffrey was a lovely man. Um, do you ever meet an older person who is very clearly autistic, but they're not from a generation where that was diagnosed?

[00:59:13]>> Yeah, that was Jeffrey. Jeffrey >> every dad of every one of my friends.

[00:59:18]>> Yeah. He couldn't make eye contact at all. Uh, and he spoke with the sort of cadence of like Rainman from the movie Rainman. Um, and he was telling me about how he used to stay in London and um he's like, "Do people still squat?" I was like, "What?" He's like, you know, squatting where like you go and live in an abandoned house. Everyone was doing that in London in the 60s. And I was like, were they? Apparently they were. I wasn't sure though. I couldn't tell if it was just something he'd experienced when he was here and he' stayed in a squat and then he just assumed everyone else was doing the same thing cuz I had not heard about it. But turns out from the nod I just got from Mirin, seems like it was a thing everyone was doing.

[00:59:52]Um, so I guess I guess he was right. But then anyway, drove on, got to the Grand Canyon. What a [ __ ] sight. We're at the West Point. This is still the bit that's got a Native American tribe living there. So, it's um it's like it's ran by this tribe. Um there's like there's Eagle Point where there's like this rock that looks kind of like a eagle and you look out over it and there's a big glass walk where you can like stand on this glass and look down like over the canyon and I got all these pictures and then you and then what's it like? It's meant to be like makes people draw brings people to tears.

[01:00:22]>> No, it's just a big canyon. It's cool.

[01:00:24]It's cool. It's apparently like you you can't comprehend something that big.

[01:00:29]>> No, man. No, it's just No, it's just just the desert. It's just middle of nowhere.

[01:00:33]>> No, but apparently the the vastness of the canyon is meant to be one of the most magical things in human existence.

[01:00:38]>> I I didn't find that.

[01:00:40]>> It was It was cool. It was beautiful. I was like, "Wow, that really is big." And like, God, it is a big thing, but I really I I wouldn't say I was even close to tears.

[01:00:49]My favorite bit was there was a a point there was a cafe there and you got a free meal at the calf. I had a chicken gravy and mash and corn. It was good.

[01:01:00]And I sat and looked out over the Grand Canyon while eating a free meal. And I thought, "That's pretty [ __ ] good.

[01:01:05]It's one of the best meals I ever had."

[01:01:07]When do you ever get to eat and look over a Grand Canyon? Got a bit sunburnt, though. But there was Oh my god, this is like, bro, you know, in in media, they always portray the Native American people to have this like contact with nature. We went on a bus from Eagle Point to the other point. I don't remember what the other point was called. It it it translated from the nativeang American language to batshit.

[01:01:30]It was a bat poo point because they used to mine for bat poo there because it was good fertilizer. It was like basically the word for bat [ __ ] which I but wherever it was I can't remember what it's called. I went over to that point um and you got to get a shuttle bus from Eagle Point to whatever point it is. I get on the shuttle bus and the bus driver is whistling out of the window as she drives and a raven flies down and follows the bus the whole way. Flying next to the bus the whole drive this like she tamed a raven.

[01:02:01]>> Wow.

[01:02:01]>> And it just flew and followed the bus.

[01:02:04]>> That is really cool.

[01:02:04]>> That was incredible. It was an incredible sight. That that was the more magic that was more magical than the canyon. Pause. We've reached an hour.

[01:02:14]You must stop your tails and your momentum because it's time to move over to the Patreon. Jack, first I must check how the worm is doing. He's there. Or I suppose a day.

[01:02:24]>> Yeah, we don't know. It could be a they Is it all right? You've not really said anything.

[01:02:30]>> He's just kind of chilling there. And on this side, there's one here.

[01:02:36]These are classic worms doing their classic. Yeah, they just don't, you know, when we started the segment, we really figured they'd do more.

[01:02:43]>> Like we really like thought there'd be more to say every week besides Dan and Phil. It's just been still there.

[01:02:49]>> There's been about five episodes where they've done anything interesting. But I have way more to talk about about >> How could the horoscopes be in bother but the worms are no one gives a [ __ ] about more to talk about. We got horoscopes. Obviously, we have more uh Vegas stuff, more Grand Canyon stuff.

[01:03:04]>> I'm going to got more to the monks.

[01:03:06]Yeah, you got a bit more about the monks. I've got an embarrassing story. I did a horrible gig last night about Charlie Kirk. Um, I will I'll be on it.

[01:03:14]It's It's rough.

[01:03:16]>> It's rough. I don't We'll see you on the uh Patreon.

[01:03:29]Head on over to our Patreon for a bonus episode. I can't access my laundry room or my kitchen table. I ate my breakfast standing up.

[01:03:36]>> PRINT THEM NOW.

[01:03:37]>> PRINT THEM NOW.

[01:03:39]>> SORRY. PRINT THE HOROSCOPES.

[01:03:40]>> STORY, PLEASE. Can you print out horoscopes?

[01:03:43]>> Um, is this Charlie Kirk story? I saw a comment on a podcast that says they don't like you calling it DP.

[01:03:49]>> Oh, why?

[01:03:50]>> They want you to call it just Dr. Pepper.

[01:03:51]>> Why? Why do they not like it called DP?

[01:03:53]>> I don't know. I just saw a comment.

[01:03:55]>> Well, unless they just Unless they back it up with facts and please stop calling it DP.

[01:04:00]>> Yeah, why?

[01:04:01]>> I don't know.

[01:04:02]>> It's just DP, man. This is DPZ.