Gaslighting Black Men: The ‘Misandry Isn’t Real’ Lie

Added: 2026-05-04

[00:00:02]All right, all right. Welcome back to the Onyx Report, black masculinist news for the day. Hope you're well.

[00:00:09]Like, share, subscribe, join, donate, hit the hype button, all of that good stuff. Support the show so we can continue to bring you this independent black male thought.

[00:00:18]All right.

[00:00:20]Well, today I want to have a brief discussion about misandry.

[00:00:25]Anti-black misandry to be particular.

[00:00:28]Um and I talk about it a lot cuz I think it's important.

[00:00:32]It's important because when you grew up, especially in the in the era I did as a Gen Xer, and you go to high into higher education, you learn about racism, especially systemic racism. You learn about sexism, especially, you know, systemic sexism. And then you learn about intersectionality. Which in theory includes your experience, but not practically such. And if you invoke it, people just kind of look at you sideways.

[00:00:56]At best.

[00:00:58]At worst, you get shouted down in a classroom trying to articulate your experience as a straight black male who takes issue with black feminism's framing of black men, right?

[00:01:11]But when you start looking at anti-black misandry more particularly, you notice that there's been a long history of experiences that black men have had, you know, that's gone It's It's It's when I say it's been swept under the rug, it's been swept under the rug in the sense that it's been located in the pile called racism.

[00:01:30]Right?

[00:01:32]And much like Ice Cube in combination with the ladies on that particular show, Cocktails with Queens, right? When he tried to frame the black community and the and the solutions he had for it, they categorized themselves as having an additional experience. And that doesn't come out of nowhere. That didn't just happen in that show. That's been going on for decades because what black women did, uh particularly in the academy and in regard to black feminists in particular, is they said everything black men experience is racism, everything black people experience is racism, but what black women experience is unique and different, and it's intersectional, and it's related to race, but it's also related to gender.

[00:02:13]And they treated it as if it was a category that they owned lock, stock, and barrel. They had cornered the market on.

[00:02:21]But when you start thinking about black males' experiences, you start to notice that it's particularly throughout history how many of those experiences were raced and gendered in a very particular way. Now, intersectionalists will say, "Well, we already included that. We already anticipated that. You guys are shouting out something different because that that all falls under intersectionality." Except nobody ever talks about it that way.

[00:02:42]And when you invoke it, you're dismissed because intersectionality is considered the real estate of black feminists.

[00:02:47]Now, obviously, white society and i.e. white women in particular have, you know, for the most part institutionally appropriated the concept, especially in higher education.

[00:02:56]But in black circles, the concept itself is governed by black feminist ideology.

[00:03:04]And even though technically it includes black male experiences, you'll get dismissed arguing such.

[00:03:10]So, if you think about lynching, for example, that was a practice that was uniquely directed at black males. It's not to say no one else was lynched, but overwhelmingly, particularly in the black community, that was targeted at black males.

[00:03:24]And the assumption was also that they were heterosexual, right? Because they were also tied to assumptions of rape accusations of rape, particularly by white women, right? So, we know this is something that was targeted sexually at straight men, racially at black men, and gendered toward men.

[00:03:42]But see, we weren't taught to see that those things as intersectional.

[00:03:45]Intersectional only meant that it related to black women and maybe LGBT as it related to black women. Black men were considered outside the discussion. They've had their day, we're done.

[00:03:56]That was kind of the treatment when I was in undergrad and grad school when it came to black men.

[00:04:02]So, we argue in black male studies and in and on my YouTube page in alignment with a number of brothers that I work with, we advocate for black men to actually focus on anti-black misandry so that they can better understand their own experiences, you know, beyond just being relegated to racism, which we know to be an overly used category that's often used to deflect from black male experiences.

[00:04:30]Now that I've gotten that out of the way, we're going to talk about three different types of misandry.

[00:04:38]Now, this isn't the only three. In my book, Solutions for Anti-Black Misandry, I go into quite a few different types, but in this instance, I want to talk about three very generic categories that often get overlooked. Okay?

[00:04:52]So, this is the first.

[00:04:54]Um this is what we might call a more blatant form of misandry. This is a street interview, and you tell me if you can identify uh the misandrist moment that takes place here.

[00:05:07]I'm not listening to men. I'm so sorry.

[00:05:09]>> If you was in a long-term relationship with a man, would you want him to take full control over the health and wellness in that relationship?

[00:05:16]>> No. No? Why is he telling me what to do?

[00:05:19]What if he knows a lot more about fitness and health?

[00:05:21]>> He doesn't. No? No.

[00:05:24]I'm not listening to men. I'm so sorry.

[00:05:26]Why not? Because why is he not listening to me? Let's just say if you was in a relationship with me and I wanted to get you in better fitness, would you listen to me?

[00:05:34]>> How much money does your company make a year? Like I think that's the question.

[00:05:38]Like Like Maybe the question would be how much does he know about fitness?

[00:05:45]You know?

[00:05:46]Maybe that would need to be the question, not necessarily how much uh his company makes, but here we go. If I'm listening to you, like the paycheck needs to match the advice you're giving me. So, like a Fortune 500 company, okay, I'll listen.

[00:06:01]Cuz I'm getting paid to listen at that point. Okay, so what if you had type 2 diabetes and I wanted to help you reverse that? Would you listen to me then? Well, you can't reverse type 2 diabetes, [music] unfortunately.

[00:06:14]>> Why do you say that? Well, you can make you can ease the symptoms with lifestyle changes, but like you can't really get rid of it 100%. We don't even really know what causes diabetes, medically speaking. Most of type 2 diabetes come from being overweight to obese and having a Right.

[00:06:30]Like if you're trying to Okay, yes, if you're trying to get your woman in shape, but like where are those standards coming from?

[00:06:36]>> Those standards are coming from the man having higher standards in health and wellness than you do. So, if >> Well, I don't agree with that man. I'm so sorry.

[00:06:43]>> able to communicate that to you, he can improve your health and wellness.

[00:06:48]Okay, so it can be higher standards. It could also just very well be an appreciation for you know, wanting his woman to live longer. Could be all of that.

[00:07:00]You know, I I remember hearing stories, and these were stories that older black women took pride in telling me about Miles Davis.

[00:07:08]And when he was in a relationship with man, I'm blanking on her name, but I'm I'm seeing her face.

[00:07:16]Uh Now, I'm not going to be able to forget it.

[00:07:19]Uh famous actress.

[00:07:21]Um man, why am I blanking on her name?

[00:07:28]I've seen her play in so many different roles.

[00:07:31]Oh, man. Anyway, sorry about that.

[00:07:34]Cicely Tyson, there we go. Cicely Tyson.

[00:07:37]I remember when I was in grad school, um I had a couple of older women professors, you know, mentors, and they used to talk about uh the era where um you know, Miles Davis was under some duress. He was having some health issues.

[00:07:51]And they bragged about how Cicely Tyson stepped in and and got him in order.

[00:07:55]Black women love stories about that, you know. They step in and you know, they they they they get a man in order, you know, put him in order, you know, they he has to do what I say. When I told him what to do, he finally started living right. He got in order. And they bragged about it.

[00:08:09]They took pride in this woman they've never met who got the health together of a man they never met.

[00:08:17]But they loved it, right? And I didn't take any issue with it.

[00:08:21]But notice how when it's the reverse, why do I have to listen to him?

[00:08:25]There's automatically a resistance, automatically a rebellion.

[00:08:30]I've had this happen from women who actually asked me a question. When I started to answer, flipped out.

[00:08:37]As one said, "Nigga, you can't teach me nothing."

[00:08:40]No, I've only been a professor for damn near 30 years. I guess you're right. I have nothing to share with you, particularly when I'm just answering a question you asked specifically of me.

[00:08:52]Right?

[00:08:53]But that's the kind of thing we're seeing, right? So, that's what I'm I'm referring to in this context as blatant, right? Just blatant.

[00:09:01]In your face, why do I got to listen to him?

[00:09:03]Immediately taking offense.

[00:09:07]The next is a two-parter in a way.

[00:09:12]Um this is Well, you see the whole crew here. Shout out to them.

[00:09:17]Um Mumia, Obsidian Ali, shout out to the good brother. We got Dave in the house.

[00:09:20]We got Darwin in the house. But in this instance, we're going to listen listen to Jeff.

[00:09:25]And Jeff Saint James is going to give us a two-part breakdown, in my opinion, of a particular type of anti-black misandry. Let's check him out.

[00:09:34]There's black women that walk around that think that their hatred of black men doesn't count as anti-blackness.

[00:09:43]They their definition of anti-blackness is if it affects men that's in the LGBTQ and black women.

[00:09:51]If it's a hatred or misandry or wishing the worst thing possible you want him to get accused of something. You want him to lose all his his resources, his mind cuz he's dating a white woman. You you you you you comfortable with them dying. You're wishing the police take care of them.

[00:10:06]Gender-based abortions. Why would I want to try to protect women or mourn or even try to fake mourning and grief for women that I know think like this.

[00:10:15]>> [clears throat] >> And the worst part is it's not just the women who have the mindset.

[00:10:21]It's the women who don't have the mindset but are still cool with them.

[00:10:26]To still befriend them, who still hang out with them, who still act like this isn't what it is. And who still support them online, give them likes, you know, and and and help grow their channels.

[00:10:38]It's not just a one-way dynamic. But I'll let him finish.

[00:10:44]The best way I can articulate why my view is when I say specifically which type of black women are you talking about.

[00:10:52]This is the equivalent of y'all looking at me and being like, "Jeff, I'd be cool with you but you keep hanging out with these clansmen."

[00:11:04]And I'm saying, "Ah, clansmen, they're they're they're not a bad deal. There's nothing wrong with them."

[00:11:08]And they're saying, "Jeff, it's a clansman."

[00:11:10]Mhm.

[00:11:13]Yeah.

[00:11:14]You That analogy is that much more hitting when you recall uh the black women on Clubhouse a couple years ago or who were in conversation with white clans clansmen about eliminating black men. So, he doesn't pull that example out of nowhere.

[00:11:29]But the reason I pulled this particular clip is because he's talking about two different types of um what I consider misandry and he identified as such. The first one is retribution.

[00:11:42]All right, he mentioned uh those who are getting even with black men. If he's dating someone they don't approve of. And these days it's no longer limited to white women. It could be anything other than a than or or FBA, anything other. It could be an African woman, a Caribbean woman, a South an Afro-South American woman. It doesn't matter.

[00:12:02]These days the critique can be from anywhere. And the idea that he should somehow be punished for doing so. That's just one form of retribution. It could be personal.

[00:12:12]It can be an ex, someone who, you know, you broke up with and she's angry at you, wants to get back with you. Hell, it could be a woman that was cheating on you and you broke up with her and she felt the need to, uh, you know, give you some kind of retribution.

[00:12:26]This kind of misandry that's retribution-focused but targeted at black men.

[00:12:32]Specifically black men, the two words together, right?

[00:12:36]Kind of retribution in that sense.

[00:12:38]Another form he he pointed out was a kind of selective anti-blackness.

[00:12:43]Right? It's targeted at black men, which is what makes it misandrous misandry because it's it's it's um it's very charged, it's very hateful, right?

[00:12:54]But it's selective in the sense that it it it moves around anyone that's not a straight black man, you know. So, if it's if you're LGBT, if you're a woman, you're safe.

[00:13:05]It's when people go out of their way, they perform all kinds of mental gymnastics to attack black men.

[00:13:11]And even if there are other demographics, other black demographics that engage in the same behavior, they're dismissed so that the attack on black men can continue. He's identifying two different types of misandry. One, retribution-based.

[00:13:25]The other, selective in its anti-blackness.

[00:13:29]And I appreciate him for, you know, applying that level of nuance so that we can really start to tease out what we're looking at.

[00:13:36]Now, the last type of misandry we're going to look at is a little more subtle.

[00:13:44]Check this out. Our Rising Summit drew former United States Vice President [music] Kamala Harris as black women collectively talked about how to harness their power. It is important for me to be here at the primarily for community.

[00:13:59]Secondly, I would say I needed to um know the state of black women now with what we're facing. The national gathering in its ninth year started Friday with the intent of highlighting areas where women of color can fully realize If you're not if you don't know what you're looking at, this is one of many expressions of the black gynocracy.

[00:14:21]Yeah.

[00:14:22]These are women that regard themselves as in control in a decision-making capacity and often have no problem with um making sure black men are invisible.

[00:14:35]Yeah, altogether.

[00:14:37]Anyway, I'll let it continue. I said professional and economic well-being.

[00:14:41]This year's theme is rooted and rising, whole health, whole self and will focus on the distinct challenges black women face.

[00:14:49]Now, one of the reasons I pulled this clip, too, and I'm going to let it continue, is how often and this is a question I want you guys to answer. How often do you see these gatherings of black women?

[00:15:01]And black women only.

[00:15:03]How often?

[00:15:04]How many different organizations, nonprofits, businesses, you know, entities of any form, you know, counseling groups, social groups. How how many different ones do you see of black women and black women only?

[00:15:19]Now, that means when you say black women only, it means maybe LGBT is welcome to an extent.

[00:15:25]But for the for the most part, it's black women only. And it's framed, as the woman said earlier, as community.

[00:15:31]Right? It's framed as community.

[00:15:34]But black men are not allowed. They're not present.

[00:15:37]All right, here we go. Good morning.

[00:15:39]Good morning, everyone. Good morning.

[00:15:42]Today's program culminated with a Sunday Soul Brunch and Talk featuring former United States Vice President Kamala Harris. That's after other international and national leaders along with local dignitaries participated in panel discussions. Don't count on me to be a voter and be the backbone of the Democratic Party. They should count on the fact that we're going to expect and they're going to have to know when they start counting on the vote, it's because they better produce. Ahead of the 2026 midterm elections, Power Rising launched an initiative to register 1 million new voters.

[00:16:19]Organizers say historically black women voters have been a politically engaged group. Black women make up 70 We're 7.5 million of the voting block. And as we know that black women are the most reliable, we're the largest voting block in the Democratic Party. So, we need to understand our power. Organize Now, see this is interesting on two fronts, the 75 million and the we need to know our power. Because when black men said it we lose our power by giving our votes to the Democratic Party without asking for anything in return, we were dismissed.

[00:16:55]We were silenced. We were called Trump supporters.

[00:16:59]Even if you weren't, right?

[00:17:01]We were called all kinds of things and the idea was that we need to shut up and vote. Shut up and give the Democrats your vote.

[00:17:08]But black men were saying, "Wait a minute. Maybe this just giving without qualification isn't working for us."

[00:17:15]We said it it may strengthen It will likely strengthen the power of our vote when they know they just can't have it simply because we're standing here, that they have to earn it.

[00:17:23]Black men were dismissed. Right? Now, the whole 74 million or whatever it it She's tying her hitch to Miss Ann and every other group of women. It's not it's not black women.

[00:17:37]I mean, the whole, you know, population ain't but 40-something million so you already know that doesn't count. We haven't even qualified for gender, for age, voting age, all of those different qualifications. So, do not believe that black women have this 70-something million. No. This is this is cap.

[00:17:56]Right? But here we go.

[00:17:59]They say they hope to be able to speak to the totality of the black woman experience. The misconception, you've heard it so You may have heard it so many times, the angry black woman. If she's confident, if she knows her stuff, they feel as though she has a chip on her shoulder, [snorts] she has something to prove. That's the biggest misconception. The gathering also hopes to support and draw younger black women who may feel disenchanted with American society by giving them The only brother I see there is walking through with a pink suit on. I'm just just, you know, just adding a note.

[00:18:34]A side note.

[00:18:35]I never noticed him before but anyway.

[00:18:37]them hope for the future.

[00:18:39]Yeah, so what kind of misandry are we talking about here? Well, in this instance, we're talking about misandry by omission.

[00:18:49]You ever heard that whole notion of uh lies and they talk about all the different kinds of lies there are. And one type of lie is a lie by omission, right? Where it's it's you're lying because you didn't say something, because you didn't share something. It's not because you said something that was untrue.

[00:19:05]You withheld something to manipulate another person. That's considered a lie by omission. And those aren't the technical words, I'm paraphrasing, right? But similarly, as it relates to misandry, you have blatant forms of misandry like we saw earlier, you have retribution for, you know, retributional forms, you have uh selective anti-blackness as as different forms of black of misandry. But you also have misandry by omission, right? Which is, you know, instead of saying something untrue about black men, you know, they're they're not present, purposefully so, right? And it's framed as an empowerment kind of gesture for black women, which we've seen countless in different forms that this whole black women only empowerment notion, you know, kind of takes the shape of.

[00:19:49]But the subtext is that black men are beneath us.

[00:19:53]Black men are not worthy of us. Black men are our patriarchs, are violent, are monsters. And of course, you all know at this time they're finding all kinds of excuses. They're taking incidents that are related to a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of black men and painting black men with this entire brush.

[00:20:14]Like we are all the man who's committed the act that's in the news. And there are a couple of them, right? But when I show the statistics to you, when I tell you there's nowhere near even 1% of black men doing the things they're talking about, they're painting the brush that all black men are like this. And thus, all black men need to be responsible for the acts of one. But more than just one, one who is mentally ill.

[00:20:41]Right?

[00:20:42]One who is doing something so egregious that nobody would support it. Nobody would advocate for it.

[00:20:50]Nobody.

[00:20:52]Men in prison will kill you for this.

[00:20:54]And these men may be men who were already killers.

[00:20:57]That's how abstract this is. And yet somehow black men are responsible. So, we see these same kinds of misandrist um women-only spaces that have no problem vilifying, you know, animalizing, you know, turning black men into monsters. Not only for the public, but for the black community itself based on the actions of us, an extremely small fraction.

[00:21:22]An extremely small fraction.

[00:21:25]Right? Not even a tenth of a fraction of a I mean, it's so small it's ridiculous.

[00:21:30]You need a microscope. But it does happen.

[00:21:33]But then again, there's all kinds of atrocities that happen based on those kind of things. But my point here, going back to, you know, misandry by omission, the subtext coming out of misandry, coming out of a hatred and a dismissal of black men is that it's somehow an empowerment gesture that black women rehearse over and over again.

[00:21:54]Often to the detriment of their own men.

[00:21:58]Because the community as small as the black community doesn't need to be this fractured.

[00:22:05]But black women often take joy in it.

[00:22:07]Not all, but enough.

[00:22:09]And often enough. And I've seen it on so in so many institutions at so many levels.

[00:22:16]>> [clears throat] >> From working class to bougie.

[00:22:20]Higher ed to entrepreneurship.

[00:22:22]Non-profit, you know, to corporate.

[00:22:26]The same institutions building up over and over of just black women. And what they seem to share is a contempt for black men. No different than the blatant contempt I showed you in the first video.

[00:22:39]But dressed in a middle-class or at least aspiring middle-class sensibility.

[00:22:44]Sometimes an aspiring upper-middle-class sensibility.

[00:22:47]Right?

[00:22:48]But the contempt is just as real. And when you walk up to some of these women and have conversations with them, you can feel it's it's palpable the contempt they have for you.

[00:22:58]Sometimes even while they're angry about not being married to black men.

[00:23:02]But you walk up to have a conversation and you can sometimes feel the contempt.

[00:23:05]And I would say when I say sometimes, far more often than it should be.

[00:23:11]But the other thing that makes this kind of >> [music] >> misandry by omission so so powerful and potent is because it's sometimes intermixed with this kind of rhetoric about healing. Right? So, in other words, black men are often, you know, we're given prescriptions and you've been hearing a lot of them lately about healing and what we need to do to heal, to make safe spaces for black women.

[00:23:35]But part of what black men are responding to, even when they don't have the vocabulary to articulate it, is you can't hate black men and then and then perform the rhetoric of calling for healing on their part. Doesn't work.

[00:23:50]It's like giving somebody a glass of water that you pissed in.

[00:23:54]That's exactly what black men get. When we get these prescriptions that you need to go heal, you need therapy, you need to say it's it's underlying What's underlying it is a contempt.

[00:24:04]A long-standing contempt that's been stoked by Well, I would say media, but it's deeper than that.

[00:24:13]I think for the most part this is definitely been a psyop.

[00:24:16]But it's worked so well in convincing black women that they have nothing in line and nothing in common with their men. And it's been underscored by material gain. Not significant material gain, but just access to the appearance and the trappings of middle-class life.

[00:24:32]So, if you were poor, you had access to welfare.

[00:24:35]If you were middle-class, you had access to higher education and thus white-collar jobs. And all of that was significant and meant transformational experiences all the way up until Trump's election so far.

[00:24:48]Right?

[00:24:50]Can't tell you how many black women I met that had nice lofts and apartments and hadn't even finished their English degree yet.

[00:24:56]But black men were living in one-room hovels while going to the same damn school.

[00:25:04]But these were the kind of experiences that separated people.

[00:25:07]And it gave, if nothing else, black women a sense that they could, you know, move up in a society that was racist, but they would also refuse to acknowledge that it was racist toward black men and women in different ways.

[00:25:21]Different levels of intensity. You could not say that around black women because they claimed that racism was the same across the board in the black community.

[00:25:29]But sexism didn't exist for black men as far as they were concerned. So, that gave them a special qualification that made them more victims, you know, and at the same time gave them the greatest potential for uplift that somehow black men just didn't have.

[00:25:43]And then you get a lot of male feminists and even some LGBT cats that jump in and say, "Yeah, cuz black men ain't shit." And they agree with it.

[00:25:51]Right? Cuz they need to worship at the altar.

[00:25:56]And the idea, too, is that these women are going to have a greater potential to to to move in the society than we do.

[00:26:02]So, we need to give them we need to extend to them, you know, our allegiance, our worship, so on and so forth.

[00:26:10]But when it's tied to a superiority complex and a fundamental contempt for black men, it's poisoned. Whether they're talking about healing or political mobilization or coalition building, even intra intra-communal coalition building, none of it works if it's tied with contempt.

[00:26:28]And so far, we're told that there if there is contempt in the black community, it's only from black men to black women.

[00:26:36]So, you're not allowed to critique black women.

[00:26:39]Right? That's one thing. Hell, if black women critique black women, they're ostracized. So, you damn sure know if you're a black man that critiques them, you're ostracized.

[00:26:48]But the issue is you're not supposed to. They are above critique as critique is tantamount to hate, which is tantamount to wanting to hurt black women. This All of these ridiculous extremist takes that somehow leave them at the end of the discussion void of critique.

[00:27:08]It's ridiculous.

[00:27:10]It's a fake love filled with poison.

[00:27:13]And you know when you experience real love cuz you can actually communicate in love.

[00:27:20]But you can't do that. The culture we have now only reserves that for black women with other black women.

[00:27:29]So, anyway, give me your thoughts. Let me know what you think about these three different generic types of misandry. Let me know your experiences. Let me know what you you've kind of seen and witnessed. And I'll holler at y'all later. Peace.